The Avalanche Has Already Started
by esdiferente
Summary: Post Season 4 follow on from Dragons, once again Naomily with guest appearances, lots of them hopefully. If you haven't read Dragons then please do, this will make a lot more sense.
1. The Morning After The Night Before

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent. Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame)

**Premise – **Post Season 4 follow on from Dragons, once again Naomily with guest appearances, lots of them hopefully. If you haven't read Dragons then please do, this will make a lot more sense (-:

**Rating –** M+

**Warnings –** Hey it's set in the Skins universe so adult themes and acts as well as bad language from the start. If you're offended by these then don't read.

**Authors Note – **So Dragons has ended and I've left it as originally planned as a Naomi storyline. That's because what began as an Emily Epilogue turned into this, (I gave up when I realised it's make a good five chapters). Don't blame me I just write what they tell me to. BTW the name under the chapter is the POV character.

**Chapter One - The Morning After the Night Before**

_Emily_

I'm awoken from my sleep by a buzzing sound, as I fight through the fog that seems to be filling my head I'm dimly aware that it's my phone. Slowly and carefully I open my eyes; then shut them immediately. It's too bright, too bright for my hangover anyway. As I bury my head in the pillow I'm convinced that more sleep is in order.

I like sleeping; it's my second favourite thing in all the world. Naomi once teased me calling me a dormouse when she found me one lazy afternoon curled around myself, buried under the duvet fast asleep. I don't care; sleeping is something I'm really good at.

Jesus! Shit! Naomi! Where the hell is she? I know we went to sleep curled together and she's not here now.

I open my right eye, she's still there. At some time in the night she's rolled onto her side, facing away from me. Panic over, God my heart is racing. For one brief second I thought she'd had second thoughts, decided to run from her feelings, run from me again.

She's been running constantly since that night at her house, when she'd embarrassed me asking about brogues and strap-ons, oils and fuck knows what else. I'd managed to corner her a couple of times, managed to block her escape but every time she wriggled past me to break free, to lock herself in that emotionless prison and shut me out.

Not completely, she never shut me out completely, but she was never committed, not totally.

But last night, shit…my mind is still reeling from the implications of what she said, what she did last night. Never in my wildest fantasies could I ever have imagined that the Naomi I know and love would be that open. For one brief, beautiful moment in time she let me in.

All the way in.

Can you imagine that? Can you even imagine how difficult it must be to let someone see that far into your heart? I'm not even sure if I could do for her what she did for me last night; but I'm going to do my best. I'm not giving up, not this time, not after that. How can I?

Lovingly I reach out a hand and gently stroke the blonde locks that are spread on the pillow careful not to wake her.

_**BZZZZZZZZZ  
**_

That fucking phone again.

Carefully I roll over, trying not to disturb the blonde next to me. I know she's not been sleeping recently, know that she's spent hours either wandering the house crying when she thought I couldn't hear her, or sat on the sofa-bed in the corner of our room just watching me. She looks so peaceful right now; she deserves to get some rest.

Not least because she's can be a right grumpy bitch in the morning.

Stretching out my arm I take hold of the phone, squinting through my headache I look at the display.

9 Missed Calls

3 Voicemail Messages

4 SMS Messages

Oh for fucks sake, it's only been on silent for a few hours, who wants to speak to me this urgently?

My call log is filled with Mandy's name; she's been trying to ring me all night. I guess the voicemails are from her as well. I'll deal with them later.

I open the messages, 1 from Katie (just arrived), 1 from Effy, 2 from Mandy

Shit. I quickly read the messages

Mandy's two are simply and to the point

'_Emily call me back'_

'_Emily for fucks sake stop fucking ignoring me and call me back now'_

I deleted them both quickly; I felt an irrational burst of contempt at the second message. I liked Mandy, I know she liked me, we had a laugh. But no-one orders me around like that. I had a lifetime of being told what to do and how to think by Katie. She knew that, I'd told her all about the issues of being a younger twin. Not a clever way to get on my good side ordering me around. I'm not a doormat anymore.

I opened Effy's message, it was typically enigmatic.

'_Happy! lk after heal tk ltr?'_

I think I knew what she meant; she was happy for us, or she was just happy, (I think the former more likely), I should look after Naomi, we needed time to heal and if I wanted we could talk later. I wondered if she'd sent the same thing to both of us, that would be _so_ Effy. I made a mental note to ask Nai later.

Finally I opened Katies message.

'_Ems po ka? Naomi eldo ka? Yad Katie Nomdi bumba jimjams!'_

Twin, she's fucking texted me in twin – Jesus Katie how old are we?

I texted her back quickly.

'_Yes Katie I'm ok Naomi is also ok I'll call you later and stop threatening me or I'll kick the shit out of YOU, bitch! (-: Ems'_

I read it back and pressed send. It was in plain English, I'm not getting into the whole twin language thing with her. I'm not stupid. I'd learnt all about it when I was undergoing counselling. Well I say learned about it, I'd been given some leaflets and I'd found the title of a book on twins. I'd requested it from the library, special order…fucking typical. When it finally arrived I'd devoured it and found one interesting fact in amongst the bullshit.

"_It is not uncommon for both monozygotic (identical) and dizygotic, (fraternal) twins to develop a common language through childhood. Studies show that this language is often fully formed and complex allowing full communication. However if often relies on the twins intimate knowledge of each other to add extra meaning to the message._

_Interestingly this language, often created by the dominant twin, is used throughout their later lives to control or manipulate the submissive twin, especially in periods of perceived vulnerability or change in the dominant twin's life."_

Well that had explained a lot, Katie had been using twin ever since I started being myself, since I'd started to create my own identity, even before I came out. I know she's feeling vulnerable, I know she's scared but sometimes I wish she'd just talk to me, properly, instead of trying to make herself feel better by dominating me. It doesn't work anymore, we've both moved on.

I dialled through to my voicemail, I wasn't looking forward to this.

Message 1, received at 1:35AM

"Emily it's Mandy, what the hell was that about? Has _she_ got hold of your phone? Call me back!"

I pressed the keys to delete the message.

Message 2, received at 1:52AM

"Emily for fucks sake pick up your fucking phone and talk to me. You can't just fucking dump me by text you know."

_Delete_

Message 3, received at 2:13AM

"FUCK YOU EMILY YOU FUCKING BITCH! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU? IT'S THAT FUCKING SLAG NAOMI; SHE'S MESSING WITH YOUR FUCKING HEAD AGAIN. SORT IT OUT. I'M COMING ROUND THIS AFTERNOON AFTER WORK. I'LL BE THERE AT TWO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE AVOID ME."

Shit, shit, shittification, _Delete_.

I rolled back on the bed sighing. Suddenly I was aware of being watched. I rolled over; Naomi was propped up on her left elbow looking straight at me, her blue eyes meeting mine. I had a horrible feeling of déjà vu.

"Someone sounded happy. Mandy?"

"Um, yeah." I paused slightly flustered that she'd overheard the message, "erm, Hi!"

"Hi, yourself" she said as she leaned over and kissed me on my forehead. I felt the usual tingling feeling as her lips touched my skin. It was good to have it back. Damn I've missed it

"Good morning beautiful," she kissed the tip of my nose.

"I love you," she kissed me on the lips and for one brief moment everything stopped. It all just faded away and we were back to being alone in the world.

She stroked my hair flicking a lock behind my ear. My body was tingling all over, hook me up to the national grid and I could probably power most of Bristol. Damn, the things she does to me.

"I've got the perfect thing for you," she said and rolled over reaching for her nightstand.

"You _are_ the perfect thing for me," I said to her back. Fuck that sounded cheesy.

She turned back and just smiled at me; a rich warm smile that melted my heart every time I saw it. She doesn't smile like that very often and I savour it every time I see it.

"Here you go; I thought you'd need these this morning."

I looked down at her hands, dragging my eyes from her face. She held out a bottle of water and two nurofen. I snatched them eagerly and knocked them back quickly, downing most of the water at the same time, before flopping back onto the pillows.

"You want breakfast babe?"

I opened my eyes; she was sat up on the bed smiling at me.

"Make you feel better? You look like death warmed up, not that I mind of course. But I think you need to lay off the Pino in future yeah?"

Dimly I remembered us sitting downstairs drinking a bottle of wine we'd found whilst we talked. I think I drank more than my fair share, mostly Naomi had talked and I'd listened; I must have listened and drank. That, on top of the vodka I'd drunk at Freddie's shed explained why my head was thumping.

"How come you're so bright and cheery this morning?" I grumbled through the pain. "Where's your hangover?"

She smiled enigmatically, "I didn't drink anywhere near as much as you did last night Ems, so I'm feeling great. Besides, having you here," she patted the bed, "is the best hangover cure I can think of."

She stood up and I just stared at her, my heart leaping. She was just beautiful. I'd forgotten just how beautiful she could be. I watched as she stood by the bed in just her shorts and stretched.

There's always been something exquisitely feline about Naomi; she's like a big cat, powerful, graceful and dangerous. I sat up wanting nothing more than to grab her from behind, just to hold her. But my body protested at the movement and I groaned holding my hand to my pounding head. She turned back to me, concern on her face, and I'm graced with her in all her glory, nipples erect, her body gleaming in the flickering daylight through the curtains.

It's _so_ not fair; I've been betrayed by my own body. I'm never drinking again.

She watches me staring at her and grins.

"See something you like?" she asks confidently swinging her hips from side to side, twisting her body so I can get a better view.

Definitely!

I just nodded, my eyes wide and my mouth dry. I really love this, the looking, the fantasising, the playing. Naomi looked at me and laughed bending forward and kissing me again, giving me a good chance to ogle her breasts as her body leant forward.

I fucking love her breasts, I used to find myself thinking about them a lot, and by a lot I mean an _awful_ lot; so much it was probably unhealthy. I used to daydream about what they would look like, freed from her constraints of her bra, open to my lustful eyes. I often found I couldn't look her in the eye in case my thoughts betrayed me. After that night at the lake I'd thought about them a lot more, well at least in a lot more detail. Their shape, their feel, their taste, everything. Sometimes I wonder if my brother actually got his perverted nature from me.

She steps away from me and reaches for a T-Shirt; it's her favourite, the one with the pig on the front. At that moment I hate it, hate it with a passion as it covers her body, denying me that spectacular view. She must have noticed the look on my face because she chuckled.

"Perv" she said simply. "I'm going to cook breakfast. Why don't you go take a shower? I'll get you a towel."

She walked over to the set of drawers by the window and bent over at the waist giving me a wonderful view of her pert buttocks, they were straining against the tight cloth of her shorts and I couldn't stop staring. Suddenly I realised that she'd turned her head towards me, I forced my eyes to meet hers and she winked at me. I blinked. No, she had definitely winked at me. She definitely knew what she was doing.

"You fucking tease!" I said as she stood up; her lovely arse hidden once again by that fucking shirt. She threw me the towel she'd grabbed from the bottom drawer, winked and left the room

"Shower Ems!" I heard from downstairs and thankful for the nurofen sloshing around my system I struggled to the bathroom.

**A/N -** Worth continuing? Well you don't really get a choice because Emily's telling me to tell her story and I'm not messing with a Fitch! But it would be nice to hear from you guys.


	2. Showers and Shouting

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (you can't convince me otherwise talent is about creating – I'm just playing with the creations of others). I certainly have nothing to do with Skins, (shame, if I was, Lily, Kat, Meg and the rest would have jobs for life.)

**Authors Note –** So here's Chapter 2 brought to you because you're all so nice. Actually let me think about that for a second…

Jeez guys, why does everyone want the giant-not-Naomi, (Mandy) slapped, kicked or generally beaten? She's not that bad is she? Don't we all love our Ems? Does that mean we all need a slap?

Perhaps you're all not nice after all (-; Careful what you wish for!

**Chapter Two - Showers and Shouting**

_Emily_

Half an hour later and I'm out of the shower and sorted. For the first time today I'm feeling alive, feeling human and I'm actually dressed. The shower had made me feel much better, still a little sensitive but I'm at least awake. Now I was ravenous, I remembered some mention of breakfast and I headed downstairs and found Naomi in the kitchen busying herself about.

"Coffee?"

I nodded, carefully, so as not to dislodge my brain any further.

"Sit down then Ems, breakfast's almost done."

I smiled at her mothering, well, it was cute. I sat down at the small table as my girlfriend bustled around before placing a large mug of coffee in front of me; I smelt it as I raised it to my lips. Proper coffee, not the instant stuff. Surprised I looked around and saw a fresh pot warming on its stand. Damn she's good to me; knows I need my coffee in the morning especially after a night of drinking. Thankfully I took a sip; hot, dark and sweet. Perfect, just how I like it.

"Thanks hun," I said as the caffeine flooded through me, "what's for breakfast then?"

"Eggs, remember? I said we had eggs."

I did remember, but she'd obviously got more shopping at some point. My recovering brain could smell sausages.

Moments later a plate landed in front of me, scrambled eggs, baked beans, sausages, fried tomato, mushrooms, bacon and two slices of freshly buttered toast.

"Hope that's OK babe, I'm going to get showered and dressed yeah? Hope you've left me some hot water."

She kissed me on the top of my head and vanished upstairs. I stared at the sheer quantity of food on the plate. OK? How wasn't this OK? She's cooked me my favourite breakfast. I don't know when she got the ingredients but they're all there, even down to the ketchup and HP sauce on the table. A tear falls from my eye, a good tear. I'm so fucking happy, so relieved. More than that, I'm content.

I'm also really hungry and the smell of my plate is making me salivate. Wasting no more time I dive headlong into my breakfast like a starving woman. I like my food, always have, eating is probably my third favourite thing in all the world and I'm good at that as well. Katie always complained because I ate like a horse and never seemed to put on weight, whilst she always dieted. She was always worried about getting fat, always worried about what she ate and how she would look to her boyfriends.

Shit. Katie!

Mopping up the last of my breakfast with my toast I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called her.

"Hey, about time!"

"Hi Katie, how are you?"

"Well apart for living in a fucking caravan, freezing my ass off and not hearing from my fucking sister all night and all morning I'm fine; so nice of you to ask."

I winced at the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Just because you've spent the whole time shagging lezzer doesn't mean you can ignore me. I was fucking worried you know?"

I ignored the lezzer comment, shocked at her admission.

"You were worried Katie? Well that's a fucking first."

"No it's not bitch, I worry about you all the time, you're still my baby sister."

Fuck me it's a time for revelations, first Naomi, now Katie. I was half expecting my mother to turn up and tell me she's actually Mother fucking Teresa. But I guessed she was right, I probably should have let her know I was OK after we left.

"I'm sorry Katie, I should have called. I didn't have my phone on, and we weren't shagging we were talking."

"Fuck off, you two sneak out of that shed and leave me there with the weirdo's and now you're telling me you weren't shagging. Bollocks!"

"No Katie, we went for a pizza, went home, talked and then went to bed and we fucking slept OK? I put my phone on silent and went to sleep 'cause I was hammered. Jesus, you should know, you kept pouring vodka down my throat."

"Should have poured it down the back of the sofa like I did babe." I turned and looked at Naomi who had returned to the kitchen showered and dressed, her hair wrapped in a towel.

"Sneaky bitch, I heard that." Katie was obviously not amused; she'd been trying to get everyone pissed all night.

I looked at Naomi and mouthed "Katie," she rolled her eyes and made the sign of the cross at my phone with her fingers. I shook my head trying not to laugh.

"Whatever she's doing, tell her to fuck off."

"OK Katie, whatever. Was there a reason you wanted me to call you?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Actually yes, you normally do. So what was it?" I wasn't going to make this easy for her, not after the twin text. She really knew how to push my buttons.

"I was worried OK, is that so hard to understand? You went off with Naomi and I didn't hear from you. I wanted to make sure you were all right."

I could hear it in her voice, she actually was concerned. I relented a little and calmed my voice. Of course it didn't hurt that Naomi was stood behind me gently running a brush through my damp hair. It was very soothing, though she probably knew that.

"I'm fine Katie, we're fine. I'm just a bit tired and a bit hung-over that's all."

"K, you coming back to pick up your things today?"

I sat up; I'd forgotten that we'd moved all my gear to the caravan. Shit, that meant I'd have to face mum again, "erm..." was all I managed to say.

"S'OK, dad said he'd drop everything round this evening if you want. He's fucking ecstatic you're back with her."

"Thanks Katie, and thank dad for me. I'll make sure I'm around. Give me a ring first just in case yeah?"

"yeah, I'm glad you're back with her as well Ems."

"Thanks Katie, so am I."

"Yeah, I was dreading having to share a bed with you, lezzer!"

She hung up, it was fine. I know she was joking. Well mostly joking anyway, I knew she wouldn't want to share anyway. That caravan was fucking tiny.

I put the phone on the table and leaned back into Naomi's careful grooming.

"That feels _so_ good, you know? Thanks for breakfast babe. Where did you get everything from?"

"My pleasure hun, looks like you enjoyed it." She nodded at my swept clean plate. "Sure you don't want any more? I've got plenty. 24 hour supermarkets and soundly sleeping girls make surprises like this real easy you know."

I swung round in my seat and hugged her.

"So you left me in the night and went shopping," I joked, "I thought you loved me." I faked a loud sob, "You told me you were never going to leave me."

"and I meant it Ems, but seriously, I know how much you can eat and we had nothing but 2 eggs in the fridge. Besides it was ten o'clock, you were fast asleep and I was awake anyway and Tesco's is only just down the road.

It's amazing isn't it, you think you know someone and then you realise you don't know them at all. Getting out of bed first thing in the morning to go shopping for breakfast...um, hang on, first thing in the morning, that can't be right. Even through my fuddled brain I could tell there was something wrong.

"Naoms what time is it?"

"Little after one babe, you can sleep for England you know."

Shit.

***

We busied ourselves about the kitchen tidying up after breakfast, or was that lunch? I washed my plates and the pans and Naomi dried them and put them away. Weren't we a proper domesticated couple? I wondered what she'd had for breakfast. I hadn't seen her eat, haven't seen her eat much for ages. I remembered that she'd only picked at her pizza last night. Then I spotted the bowl on the drying rack. I looked in the cupboard, true to form there was a newly opened pack of muesli and a half eaten pack of Garibaldi's.

I shook my head. She'd cooked me a full English breakfast, just how I like it and she'd eaten fucking muesli and biscuits. I made another mental note to cook a proper meal that evening and make sure she finished it.

It was then I spotted that our blackboard had been wiped clean and a new note added,

'_You are my dragon'_

There was even a little picture of a dragon next to it; well I think it was a dragon…to be fair it could have been a dog or a horse. Naomi wasn't that good at drawing to be honest. Fuck knows what it meant, probably an obscure film reference, I made yet one more mental note to ask. If it was important enough to go up on our board I needed to know what it meant.

There was a knock at the door; I glanced at the kitchen clock, 2:15, my heart started to pound again, this time for all the wrong reasons.

"I'll get it," shouted Naomi from the living room.

"No!" I said helplessly, hoping that it wasn't who I thought it was. Naomi poked her head into the kitchen. "It's Mandy; sure you don't want me to get it?"

I was sure; I had to do this face to face. I nodded.

"OK then," she said cheerily, "shout if you want me." She went back into the front room and put on the stereo, I heard the Pixies flooding through the house, _'Debaser'_ hmmm, that doesn't bode well. It sounds suspiciously like the start of her moody playlist. If the next track was the Chili Peppers' _'Under the Bridge'_ I was in trouble.

I went to the front door and opened it. Mandy was stood there her face fuming.

"A text!" she spat as she saw it was me, "a fucking text? You fucking coward Emily; what the fuck is going on here? I told you I didn't want to be messed about."

"I'm not messing you about Mandy, we had fun, you knew the situation, you pushed me to choose, I have and I'm not interested. Simple!"

I could be annoyed as well.

"Fuck simple, I love you, I thought you loved me."

"Yeah well..." a stock reply of mine it seems.

Mandy stepped towards me and I held the door.

"Let me the fuck in Emily, we need to talk about this. I don't want to lose you."

"There's nothing to talk about Mandy, whatever we were, whatever you thought we were, is over. Please leave me alone."

"No fucking way, not until we talk," she had stepped closer again, her hand on the door trying to push past me.

"Babe, did I hear the door...is it Katie with your stuff? She's early."

Naomi came out of the front room and stepped behind me wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Hi Katie, I thought you were going to ring fir...Oh," she said suddenly sounding disappointed, "it's you Mandy. What a surprise I was expecting Katie."

I wondered for a second what the fuck was going on, she knew it was Mandy and we definitely weren't expecting Katie. What kind of a game was she playing?

"Fuck off bitch; I'm here to talk to Emily, not you. So get the fuck away from her."

"Yeah?" She put her head on my shoulder and stared at her. "What are you going to do Mandy? Touch me up? Kiss me again?"

Without thinking I smiled, I remembered Naomi telling me about what happened after I'd fled the room the other day; and what she'd done to Mandy afterwards. I suddenly realised that she'd simply come to offer her support, give Mandy someone else to yell at. I stroked her hand with my thumb.

"S'ok babe, this is my problem. I'll deal with it."

"You sure?" I kissed her on the cheek in reply, my knight in shining armour.

"OK then." She looked across at Mandy and her eyes hardened.

"You've got five minutes bitch then you better be far away from here or this 'fucking slag' is going to show you how lucky you were to get a just a slap."

My heart skipped a beat, as she squeezed my waist and then walked away. The ice-queen was back, and I loved it.

I turned back to a shell-shocked Mandy. "So you're back together then?" it wasn't a statement it was an accusation.

"Yeah, we are. We're giving it another go. I'm sorry."

"YOU'RE FUCKING SORRY!" she yelled, behind her I could see faces at the window of the pub next to the park. This was becoming a little embarrassing.

"You led me on Emily, led me into your fucking bed and now you think it's OK to just tell me you're sorry. Well fuck you…"

'_Shit'_ I thought to myself, _'is this what Sophia was like with Naomi, is this what we can do to people?_ I felt myself floundering on the doorstep as Mandy let rip. I wasn't really listening to her. My courage was failing, I'd had enough, I just wanted to run. But I'd promised to deal with this and deal with it I would.

"MANDY, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I shouted my frustration running over. Who the fuck did she think she was? "I've just told you its over, we're over. I'm back with Naomi; I'm trying to be happy. Why can't you accept that? Why can't we just be friends?"

I was struggling now against the wave of emotions. I'd tried to be brave, tried to be adult but it was all too much. I was suffering from an emotional overload, two days of trying to control everything inside me was starting to tell; and finally, I broke. Tears fell from my eyes as I stood in the doorway and screamed at her.

"PLEASE, JUST LET ME BE HAPPY. For once in my fucking life will people just be happy for me? Mandy, just go, please…just…just fucking LEAVE US ALONE."

Spent, I fled back into the house, eyes streaming. I ran into the open arms of my girl who stood waiting silently by the stairs. She held me tight, whispering words of comfort into my ear.

"Emily." I heard her voice in the door, heard her step into the house and I clung to Naomi tighter wanting nothing more than for Mandy to go.

"Naoms," I sobbed quietly, "please?" Her body stiffened as she realised what I meant.

"Emily I want you to talk to me now."

"Mandy, if you don't fuck off out of our house then I won't be responsible for what happens." I could feel Naomi shaking with rage through my tears. "You should have got the message the first time. Saved yourself, saved Emily this."

"But..."

"No fucking buts Mandy. Get the fuck out of our lives. You're not welcome."

I felt her eyes on me, boring into the back of my neck.

"Is that true Ems? Is that really what _you_ want?" I sniffed into Naomi's shoulder and nodded.

Naomi let go of me, sat me gently on the stairs and walked towards Mandy eyes blazing, Mandy flinched as she raised her hands then fell backwards as Naomi roughly shoved her out of the doorway back into the street.

"I think she's made her position perfectly clear Mandy, it's time to leave."

I watched through my tears as Mandy stepped backwards, down our path. Naomi stepped into the doorway and spoke again, obviously not finished. I strained to hear what she said.

"You know? Really, I've got this to thank you for Mandy." I heard her say quietly, What the hell? This I had to hear.

"If you hadn't kissed me that day, I'd never have found the courage to win her back, never have found the courage to do what I needed to do. I needed to end us, so I could see how much she meant to me. So I guess I have to thank you for that. For pushing me, for making me realise just what I was losing. I was even prepared to let you two be friends but not anymore, not after you treat her like this.

You think _I_ don't deserve her? _You_ definitely fucking don't!

How fucking dare you try and order her around, who the fuck do you think you are? Do you think she needs that shit? Fuck I've been a lousy girlfriend in so many ways it's untrue but I've never ONCE had the audacity to treat her like an object. You're fucking pathetic, beyond pathetic. You're not worth my time.

However, if I see you here, or within a mile of Ems again, if you phone her, text her, E-Mail her or write her a fucking letter I will hunt you down like a dog, rip out your fucking heart and eat it raw. Now be a good little whore and FUCK OFF!"

She slammed the door and strode back to me, wrapping me in her arms once again.

_**A/N**__ – Damn I enjoyed writing that one, I hope you enjoyed the return of the Ice Queen as much as I did. No slapping I'm afraid, sorry but I thought the verbal humiliation a much more Naomi-like response (-:_

_And Yay, something from the Head (F)Bitch in Chief, more from her later I think (-: _


	3. Passion and Postmen

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent. Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame, no really it is!)

**Authors Note – **Happy Easter for those of you that believe that way, good long weekend for those of you that are off and don't. Sorry if neither applies to you, I'll think of you as well. I'm on a four day weekend with a couple of days off afterwards so YAY ME, unfortunately I have guests around which is making writing and reviewing difficult, (BOO!). BTW, thanks for the nice words so far guys much appreciated and I'm glad you preferred the war of words in Chapter 2 rather than out and out violence. Naomi and I are proud of you all. Enjoy!

**Chapter 3 - Passion and Postmen**

_Emily_

I woke up curled on the sofa, my head resting in Naomi's lap,

She's got one arm laying protectively over me; the other is gently stoking my hair. It feels good, I'm warm, happy and I feel...safe. Yes I know it's a fucking cliché but I'm the one lying here and I feel safe – sue me.

She's been watching the small TV in the corner of the room, presumably whilst I've slept. I'm don't know how long I've been asleep but I'm feeling a bit achey, My right leg feels like a needle has been driven through the calf and I can't tell you how numb my shoulder is. Christ knows how she feels.

I look over at the screen to see a really old looking TV show, something American from what I can hear. Really shit looking, all fights huge trucks and car chases. I roll my eyes; definitely not my cup of tea but Naomi probably loves it. Fucking hell; Naomi and her 1980's obsession. Music, TV - even some of her clothes, for some reason she can't get enough of the 80's. I blame the BBC. To be honest if I hear fucking _'Take On Me'_ once more I think I'll explode.

I lay there for about five minutes watching this show before the adverts come on; "The Fall Guy" the show was called according to the picture that showed before the latest M&S advert hits the screen. 'The Fall Guy' eh? I'd never fucking heard of it, way to go ITV. Quality broadcasting for an afternoon viewer, fucking hell. Sometimes I wish we had satellite, at least then we could get MTV. Still we're only a pair of poor students, having MTV is a pipe dream to us, we're lucky to afford a TV licence.

Bored already I twist slightly and look up at Nai.

"Sorry Ems I didn't realise you were awake," she said suddenly looking down at me, switching the TV off and throwing the remote onto the side, "You OK?"

I snuggled into her in reply, pushing my arms around her forcing them past the back of the sofa to meet by her hip.

"Am now," I said, "You make me feel safe. How long was I out for?"

She looked at the clock, "not long, about an hour. Feeling better?" I nodded and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. "You were pretty brave today Ems, that can't have been easy for you."

Brave, me? All I did was lost my temper, my cool and leave it to her to get rid of Mandy. Oh yeah, really brave!

She's looking down at me; she must be able to read my mind because she shakes her head.

"You were you know? You went out there and faced her, you stood up to her. Told her how you felt, stood up for what you wanted. You told me I was brave yesterday for doing a lot less that you've just done."

I'm not convinced, especially with the comparison, but I'm happy to let it slide. I've got a question to ask.

"Did you mean it?"

She just looks at me confused, I kicked myself, I forget about that sometimes. I act on things I'm thinking of, ask questions based on my thoughts. No wonder she's confused - she won't have a clue what I'm on about. Doesn't stop her answering with a smile though.

"Nah, I wouldn't eat her heart raw, I think I'd find it a bit tough."

I couldn't help but laugh, sitting up and slapping playfully at her, "That's not what I meant bitch!" I pouted, "Would you have let me and Mandy stay friends? Even after everything that happened?"

She grabbed at my flapping hands and held them tight looking me straight in the eyes.

"Ems babe, I love you. I'm in love with you. But I don't own you. Never have and never will. I can't imagine a scenario where I would be ok with telling you what you can and can't do. That's not who I am, it's not the type of relationship I'd ever want. You're your own person, if you'd wanted to be friends with Mandy we'd have worked it out. It probably would have been hard for me, but I'd have done it. I'd have done it for you."

I'm fucking touched, really and honestly. That was straight from the heart. She's getting good at this stuff. Then she looked at me carefully a glint suddenly appearing in her eye,

"Besides, like I said the other day. She's cute, nice tits. Could have been a fun threesome, you know?"

I groaned, "Jesus Nai, ugh. You're so like Cook, perv."

She leaned over and kissed me.

"Emily Fitch, you are more that I can handle and you're all that I want, all that I have ever wanted. I love you more than life itself. Don't you ever forget it."

She punctuated those last sentences with light kisses along my jaw, from my ear to my chin. Soft loving kisses that felt like touches from angels wings. I could feel my heart racing at her every touch, the electric pulses running through my body, a familiar warmth developing between my legs.

That was it, I'm so turned on I can't take it anymore. I simply cannot control myself any longer, it's all too much. I just had to have her, right here, right now. I throw myself on top of her, pushing her onto her back, my legs straddling her slim frame. The sofa groaned under the effort as I push her down.

"I. Want. You. Now!" I panted between kisses, "Can't Stand It. Any More." My hands were tearing at her shirt sending buttons flying in my desperation to remove it from her body, anxious to place my lips on her bare skin.

"Ems, stop. Please."

I sat up absolutely fucking shocked, what the _fuck_? Didn't she want me, want this? I'm about to get really angry when I feel her hands on my shirt, pulling at it insistently.

"At least close the blinds first babe," she continued her hands roaming hungrily across my body continuing to loosen my clothes. "Just in case the pervy postman comes around again."

Isn't it amazing how a couple of words and a few touches can just take you somewhere else? My anger has evaporated before it could even start and I fall back onto her, kissing and biting her neck; leaving marks and welts wherever I could. My lips and teeth attacking each and every one of the spots I knew drove her wild.

"Fuck him," I said tearing at her remaining buttons, destroying her shirt. "We can give him a show."

***

Much later we find ourselves in our bed, the animal passion of that first time had softened into a more gentle lovemaking. We'd spent hours just re-connecting, repairing the final hole in our relationship. We'd re-found each other emotionally, spiritually and now physically.

In every room in the house.

We'd made love to each other over and over again, every time like it was the very first time. Passing through exhaustion into a kind of exalted state of awareness, a natural high.

I just _love_ making love to Naomi; it's my _most_ favourite thing in the world!

It appears that I'm good at this as well, judging by the way Naomi is grabbing my hair as I slowly run the tip of my tongue over her clit, teasing her, chasing her body all the way to the very brink of orgasm before slowing and finally stopping. Bringing her back down again, accepting the moans and the groans of her displeasure before starting again. It's easy to tease her like this, she's always been very responsive and I can read her body like a book. I can tell that she's very close now, she should be this is the fourth time I've done this to her and I know she's aching for release. I can feel her body trembling as I press down onto her. Slowly I slide my fingers back and forth, twisting my fingers inside her, stroking her onwards and upwards, back towards the peak.

"Fucking Hell, Ems, please……don't stop…..please." she panted, almost incoherent.

I had absolutely no intention of stopping this time, but no intention of rushing either. I intended to enjoy, let her enjoy, this moment for as long as I could. I like being a tease with Naomi, I always have. She was normally such a free spirit but when I have her in bed like this I know I have total and utter control over her. I love that feeling of power, almost as much as I love the feeling of total capitulation when she does the same thing to me.

Sensing she was ready, more than ready, I slipped my tongue into her, sliding it next to my fingers. She let out another gasp of pleasure as I slowly draw it up her before flicking the tip quickly and repeatedly at her sensitive bundle of nerves, curving my fingers as I did so, pushing them in and out of her rapidly, granting her release.

"Fucking…Emily...YES!"

She screamed out as her orgasm swept through her body. She convulsed on the bed thrusting her hips upwards and I pushed her down, continuing the touches, kissing her everywhere as she crashed over the summit and plummeted down the other side. I have an overwhelming feeling of power, pride and pleasure. I absolutely love being able to do that to her.

Best one yet!

She moaned, her body twitching as I gently remove my fingers, and panting she sat up slightly on the bed. Propping her beautiful frame on her elbows, our eyes meet and I smile at the dilated pupils, the slightly glazed look. Slowly I bring my fingers to my mouth and deliberately suck them, one by one, tasting her again, not taking my eyes from hers. She groaned at the sight and slumped back into the bed, eyes fixed on what I was doing, totally transfixed. Finally she held out her arms to me, I slipped into her embrace, pulling the duvet over us.

She didn't have any words, I could tell. She just stared at me, her beautiful blue eyes saying all they needed to as her breathing slowly returned to normal, her hand slowly stroking my hip, carefully avoiding a bruise that was developing from when we fell from the sofa. I'll probably feel that in the morning, at the moment...well let's just say my senses are diverted else where.

As I stare at her I notice the fatigue in her eyes. She looks exhausted, fucking hell _I_ was exhausted. Constant sex takes it out of you, you know? If you don't, well unlucky, I suggest you try it one day. Giving in to it I put my head on her shoulder, enjoying the post-coital cuddle. Wanting nothing more at that moment than to hold her, to be held, spent and content.

We lie there for what feels like hours but is probably just minutes, just holding each other. It's perfect.

She leans over and kisses me, lightly running her tongue across my lips. I shiver; it really turns me on when she does that.

"You really are some kind of fucking wonderful, you know that don't you?"

I can feel her heart racing as she speaks to me, I can still hear her trying to calm her breathing. Her fingers slide down from my hips pushing between my legs and her long fingers begin gently stroking me.

I have dreams about those fingers; in most of them they're doing exactly this.

"Your turn!"

She holds me tightly with her free arm and kisses me deeply, her tongue insistent and it pushes into my mouth fighting with mine for dominance. With a barely noticeably twist of her wrist she's slipped a single finger inside me, and she's making a gentle '_come-hither'_ motion inside me and it feels fucking awesome; at every movement of her finger her thumb pushes gently at my clit sending me spiralling. I groan into her mouth in pleasure and she moans back. With a swift flick of her thumb I'm totally lost and as she sends kisses slowly and tenderly down my body I give myself up to her totally. She can do anything she wants to me right at this moment and I'd happily go along. No questions asked.

She looks up, smiles at me seductively and places her mouth right on me, sucking deeply, slowly inserting a second finger. I think I'm going to pass out

Perhaps we're not finished just yet. Thank fuck for that!

***

I'm struggling to breathe as Naomi's fingers work their magic inside me, her tongue is lapping at my clit and I'm screaming obscenities into the air. Fuck knows what the neighbours are thinking at the moment, fucked if I care!

I'm getting really frustrated with her as she returns every tease, every pause I tortured her with. It's great to give but it is murder to receive. I don't think she cares, I sit up and I grab at her blonde hair, pulling her into me violently. She lifts her eyes and glances at me smiling.

"Patience Emily, I said it was your turn and I meant it."

I lie back frustrated, my body screaming then suddenly I feel her tongue on me flicking and thrusting and I let go completely. Plunging into the darkness I can hear absolutely nothing but her name on my lips as my body convulses.

"Naomi…."

**A/N** – So we finally find out Ems' favourite thing in all the world, and yes I know you would have all expected it! Not my best chapter and not the longest but it needed to be done and this step in the relationship needed to be overcome. Frankly, the whole lovemaking-writing is not something I'm good at so I apologise if you think its crap, (I'm far better at gratuitous violence but perhaps I'll use that later). Hopefully back to normal service once I get the guests out of my house and get a chance to review Chapter 4 properly.


	4. Supper and Sisterly Love

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent. Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame)

**Authors Note – **Right finally there is peace and quiet in casa-diferente and I can finally work on this. Few things before we kick off....

_Stunty_, you're far too bleeding clever for your own good you know that, there was I trying to be subtle! _Reignanne_, glad to hear I inspire you, still loving that communal living story. _Neverhappy10_, kind words thanks, but smut??!! How very dare you d-: That wasn't smut that was a carefully crafted tale of two people's physical love for one another reawakening after a turbulent past...

Ok it was probably smut, but hey, give the people what they want (-;

Anyway, on to chapter 4...

**Chapter 4 - Supper and Sisterly Love**

_Naomi_

Well _that_ was an afternoon to remember. I don't really understand what sparked Emily into a fit of passion, but I'm not complaining. Not at all, well apart from the fact that I'm fucking knackered. I think I've lost count of how many times Emily and I made love in those all too short hours. I had been trying to keep count, to make sure I returned every single touch, made sure that I gave at least as much, if not more that I received. However, somewhere in the middle I gave up, losing myself in the moment. It doesn't matter, it wasn't a competition it was love. I'm happy to call it a win, draw or even a loss. More than happy in fact. After all the heartache, after all the pain I think I've just got my whole life back.

I'm not sure if I can move at the moment though; not enough energy. Emily on the other hand is like the fucking energiser bunny and is already wandering around somewhere downstairs. I can hear music playing and the banging of cupboards in the kitchen. I guess I should make an effort, though I'd be happy to lie here for the rest of the day.

'_Fuck it' _

Reluctantly I drag myself from the bed and go looking for some clothes. I'm pretty sure the ones I was wearing earlier are destined only for the bin. Ah well! I never really liked that shirt anyway and I'm happy for it to be sacrificed it at the altar of Emily. It was a far, far better thing that it did today, that it had ever done before!

We could do with going shopping anyway, clothes designed for Bristol's shitty weather probably wouldn't be suitable for the hot sunny beaches of Goa; hopefully just the first stop in our little trip around the world.

So here I am feeling pretty good and it wasn't just due to the after sex glow; me and Ems seemed to be doing ok, more than ok in fact. Mandy was out of the picture at least for now and the day wasn't yet over. I'm not sure Jack fucking Bauer could have had a more eventful 24 hours.

Grabbing clean clothes from the cupboard I headed into the shower for the second time today. Time to lose myself in the hot water; I wonder if I can convince Ems to join me..?

***

I head downstairs feeling refreshed again after my unfortunately lonely shower, I walked into the kitchen and then just stood in the doorway and watched. Emily stood over the small stove concentrating on something in a pan. I noticed that she'd written something on our blackboard.

"You are my hero" was written in script under my dragon comment, she'd written it inside an elaborate heart and underlined the 'You' several times. Cute!

She obviously hadn't heard me enter and I smiled as she danced to the music that was playing on the stereo in the living room. She was dancing as only a person that believes they're totally alone dances. Her lack of inhibition was downright sexy. Her choice of music on the other hand wasn't.

"_Don't stop, never give up, hold your head high and reach the top…"_

Fucking hell, what? I'm stunned, I've never heard her play this shit before.

"Dream of falling in love, anything you've been dreaming of, when the world seems to get too tough, bring it all back to me," she sang along, oblivious to my presence.

Slowly I walked over to her, waited until she had moved away from the stove a little and then said

"It's still not too late for me to kick you out again you know."

She jumped and spun around before throwing herself at me slapping me with her hands.

"Jesus Naoms, you scared the shit out of me. Why didn't you say something?"

"I thought I just did." I gave her the famous Campbell death glare, well tried to. The last time I managed to pull it off with her was at our class registration at Roundview and it'd taken all my effort to manage it there as well.

"Er, how long have you been stood there?"

She's gone red, bless! She's so cute when she's embarrassed. It's really hard to keep my stern face on, I can feel my lips twitching, betraying me.

"Long enough to see you singing and dancing to S-Club fucking 7." I said as sternly as I could. "I warn you, play that shit again and you'll be out. Love of my fucking life or not."

It really wasn't working; I know she can see right through me.

Ems just pouted, "Love me, love my S-Club."

Not a fucking chance!

"Anyway," she continued wrapping me in a tight hug. "It's our song; I'm supposed to like it, _you're_ supposed to like it." She said it with a hint of accusation in her voice. Now I'm fucked, I've no idea what she's on about.

I raise an eyebrow, "_Our_ song?"

She glared at me, presumably disappointed. "Of course it's our song; it's what was playing when we first kissed."

Now I'm confused, "Ems, Lily Allen was playing when we first kissed."

She pouted, "no it wasn't it was S-Club, why the hell else would I like them."

"Ems, S-Club wasn't playing at Pandora's party, it was Lily Allen's 'Fear'."

Yes? So I was totally wasted, doesn't mean I can't remember what was playing at that particular moment, why would you think I wouldn't? I can remember exactly where it was in the song as well, the exact words that preceded that kiss. I should do, it's been my ring tone for her since that day. She doesn't know that though, this one is my little secret, she's never rung my phone when I've been with her.

Emily just smiled at me, "Not that party silly, go back a year or so babe."

Ah, that party! You know she's right, I remember that as well. Now do I admit it, or play it cool? I guess cool is no longer an option.

"OK I give you that Ems, S-Club was playing at that party, but _you_ kissed me then. I didn't kiss you back properly then 'cause Katie interrupted us, so technically _we_ didn't kiss until Panda's party and that was definitely Lily Allen."

"Ok, ok, so you remember as well. Call it a draw?"

I pull her tighter and kiss her in reply. "So, if I'm not going to kick you out for playing S-Club, what _are_ you up to?"

"It's my turn to cook and you're fucking eating something more than gerbil food tonight. You can't survive on muesli and garibaldi Naoms, you've got to eat properly, I'm going to make you eat properly."

I couldn't resist it, I know she was being serious but it was too good an opportunity to miss.

"But Ems babe, I'm not sure I'm all that hungry. I've been eating all afternoon; eating very well I'll have you know, a veritable banquet. I'm practically full."

Her face went as red as her hair, I've never seen her blush that deeply before. Got her! Score one point for me.

I know I'll regret it later; she'll get me back in some way. But for now I just enjoy the moment, a brief moment of victory in our relationship, I don't get them all that often. I'm far too soft with her; she hits me again, it's all good.

***

Twenty minutes later and I'm sat with a huge bowl of Spaghetti Bolognaise in front of me. It's one of Emily's specialities and I'm making sure I'm complementing her on how good it is with almost every mouthful as she sits eating, watching me. To be fair, that's not difficult. It tastes really good and I am hungry, famished in fact.

"Take it you left _me_ in bed to go to Tesco's then," I said trying to make conversation. She grinned, I like making her grin it's been far too long since I've seen her smile this much so I'm trying to make it happen all the time.

"Turnabout's fair play."

"I'm not complaining mind you, this is great. I love the pancetta in it, and is that a hint of smoked paprika I taste?"

"Well, it's from the sliced chorizo actually, but yeah pretty much the same thing. More in the pan if you want it."

"Jesus Em's, you've given me enough for two people here. Are you trying to make me fat?"

"No, I'm trying to make sure you eat Nai. You haven't been eating properly for weeks and it stops today."

She looked positively fierce, not a time to joke. She stares me straight in the eye:

"Anyway you're going to need all the energy you can get now. Well if I've got anything to do with it that is."

She licked her lips sensuously and it was my turn to blush red. I guess that makes us even, one point each. I knew I'd regret it; I busied myself with my fork. Emily just laughed.

***

After I'd eaten far more than was good for me under Emily's watchful stare; we curled up on the sofa together and watched TV. The evening was drawing in and the sun was starting to set. We wrapped ourselves around each other, happy with nothing else but each others presence. Unfortunately we were interrupted by knock at the door.

"I'll get it."

I grabbed at Emily as she untangled herself from me and climbed off the sofa. "Nooo, don't leave meeee," I whined, as she stood up.

She stuck her tongue out at me as she dodged my grabby hands and flounced into the hallway. I heard the door open and…

"Fucking hell Katie I thought you were going to ring before you brought these around." Her voice rose to carry to me in the living room, "Nai, it's only Katie she's brought my things back."

Fuck me; the toxic twin is here, better try to be nice.

Actually it's not as difficult as I make out. She's not really that bad when she's not going out of her way to be a twisted bitch and most of that had stopped after the Love Ball. I think a good kicking from Ems sorted that out, and if I'm honest she's been pretty supportive of me through all the problems Emily and I had. Whether that was for me, for us, or just for Emily I don't know, but I was grateful, _am_ grateful.

"Hi Katie." I yelled.

"Alright Lezzer?" she yelled back. I shook my head,_ 'typical'_, and went to help Em with her bags. As I walked into the hallway I caught a glimpse of Katie over Ems' shoulder. Something was wrong, something was definitely wrong. I've seen that same look plastered over her sisters face, seen it for weeks, she's not happy, not one little bit. Emily is just dragging her bags into the house chatting away to her happily. Great, now I'm wondering if she's even noticed.

"Katie will you stop loitering in the doorway and come in?" I say to her. Reluctantly it seems she steps past Emily and wanders into the living room. She seems ill at ease, wandering around the room examining the CD racks, something obviously on her mind. I hear Emily drag a bag upstairs and take a chance.

"Look Katie, I know this is difficult for you. I know what you're going to say, so let me save you the trouble. I'm not going to fuck up again, or at least I'm going to do my absolute best not to. I'm not going to hurt her again so you can save your yelling. I'm ok now; I've come to terms with myself, with who I am and what I want. I know why I'm happy and I'm finally ok with it. Ok?"

She looked at me puzzled, "What are you on about?"

Fuck me does she look lost. I don't think I've ever seen Katie Fitch looking so down. I'm almost touched….almost.

"I thought you were here to give me a lecture, threaten me a bit you know?"

She shook her head, "No, not today, can't be bothered, give me time though yeah?"

Definitely not normal. If she's not here to bitch at me about Emily what the fucks up with her? I'm about to change the habits of a lifetime, about to break cover and actually ask her what's wrong; when suddenly there's a loud bang from upstairs and we both look up at the ceiling.

"Look Katie, sit down, make yourself at home, I'm going to give Ems a hand with the bags before she wrecks the place. Ok?"

I walk out into the hallway, thankful for the escape, and grab a rucksack and a small holdall and carry them upstairs to our room. Emily is pulling clothes out of a large wheely case on the floor and piling them on the sofa-bed.

"Thanks." She said smiling at me as I placed the bags down next to her. This isn't going to be easy.

"Ems?" I started, not really knowing how to go about this. She looked up at me.

"Is everything OK with Katie?" I blurted out; there I'd done it, started the conversation off anyway.

"Yeah, she's fine. Dad just dropped her off. He's going to pick her up in an hour or so he's gone playing mambo badminton or something."

Damn!

"No. Ems, ah fuck it."

I'm in deep now, no escape.

"Erm, what I mean is…erm-fuck…um, she's not fine, that is I don't think she's fine."

She looked up at me a question hovering on her lips, _what the fuck are you on about?_

"I don't think she's fine," I repeated. "She's got a funny look on her face. One I've seen before, several times in fact. I'm sure of it, there's something wrong."

"Naomi you barely know Katie, what would you know about her funny lo….Oh!"

The penny finally sunk in at my amused grin. "You sure?"

"Positive." I nodded to help her believe me. Actually I'm not really sure, it's just a feeling and I'm generally shite with them. Time for a little backpedalling, just in case.

"Look I know I'm not the best at being in touch with mine or anyone else's feelings but there's something not right. Take the look away, something's not right. I can feel it. Christ she hasn't even bitched at me once since she got here."

She kissed me lightly. "You know, you don't do so badly with feelings. At least not with me and you're getting better. Much better in fact, I like the new you. I like it a lot. You think I should talk to her?"

I nodded, "I'll make myself scarce."

"Thanks babe."

We walked downstairs and into the living room, Katie was sat on the sofa flicking through Heat magazine.

"Thanks for bringing my stuff over Katie," Emily said, Katie just nodded.

"No problems." Her voice was flat and lifeless, I caught Emily's eye '_told you so'_.

I stood up, "Katie, have you eaten yet?" she shook her head. "Right then, Ems made enough spag bol to feed the third world. I'll go heat some of it up for you."

She shook her head. "It's OK, I'm not hungry, don't bother yourself."

"No bother," I said walking out before she could refuse again, leaving them to it; pulling the door shut behind me.

OK so I lied just a little, it is a bit of a bother. For starters I had to wash our large pan so I could boil up some water to cook more pasta, but thankfully the sauce Ems had made was still in the pan so all that needed was heating through properly. I turned on the gas and went hunting for a clean wooden spoon.

I could hear voices in the living room, well that's good. At least they're talking to one another. I had total faith in Ems to sort things out for her sister but I still find myself loitering at the doorway trying to catch a word or two. Katie is definitely not happy about something.

***

Pasta cooked and drained, sauce warmed and all neatly served up in a bowl with a dusting of hard cheese. I like this, cooking when someone else has done all the hard work. I've been using this to my advantage throughout, listening to the twins' conversation whenever I could and I've not liked what little I've heard. It's not about me thankfully; she's been talking about Freddie and Effy and Thomas and Cook, but I've never heard Katie like this before; I've never heard her sound so broken. Despite myself I'm actually fucking touched; somewhere along the way I seem to have developed a twisted kind of respect for Katie. I don't think we'll ever be best mates, we're too different and I don't mean sexually. Most of the abuse I throw at her now I do for fun, almost out of habit. Like I said, she was nice to me during the bad times, she deserves a friend.

I poke my head around the door. "Grub's up Fitch, get it down you whilst it's hot." I'm rewarded with a brief sad smile from Emily. They're sat on the sofa, knees touching hands gripped together. Katie's eyes are puffy, so are Emily's; I thought I'd heard them crying but I pretend not to have noticed, spare them that.

"Ems, I'm going to run a bath yeah? Feeling pretty grubby. Shout if you need me."

She nodded as I headed into the hall. I stopped and poked my head back. "By the way there's wine in the fridge as well guys, help yourselves. It's a couple of bottles of a nice White Grenache Ems, so don't worry about another Pino hangover." I grinned and ran for the stairs as a cushion hit the doorframe.

I ran the bath, I didn't really need one having showered, twice in fact; but I needed an excuse to leave the two of them alone. I didn't imagine that Katie would be an open book instantly, sisterly love or not; but Ems would sort it out. In the meantime I had something to sort out myself.

***

I lay back in the hot water, well there was no point in _pretending_ to have a bath was there? I might as well enjoy it. I allowed the steaming hot water to ease the aches and pains caused by the afternoons exertions and allowed my memory to drift back.

What a day, what an afternoon, fucking hell.

There was a light knock at the door and I heard Ems' voice. "Yeah come in babe," I replied as she softly asked if she could enter, "you don't need to knock you know," I said as she opened the door.

"Didn't want you to think I was Katie come to ravish you."

"Excuse me if I shudder at the thought," I'm fucking serious, identical twins? Bollocks they are!

"So two showers and a bath in one day, do I really make you feel that dirty?"

I raised my eyebrows at her and she pouted as she realised what she'd said.

"Anyway," she said quickly to cover her blushes, "I thought I'd bring you a glass of wine whilst Katie's eating." She drew a large glass of wine from behind her back and handed it to me. A bath, my girl and now a glass of chilled Grenache. The evening is going well so far. I reached for it with a smile and took a sip.

"She OK?"

Ems made a face and sat on the edge of the bath, "Not really. I think she's a bit fed up with it all you know, no house, family in the shit, living in the caravan and not having a boyfriend at the moment to make her feel better. Oh and I'm here with you and not available to be put down as usual to help her get over it all."

She smiled, "Really she's feeling a bit vulnerable with the whole, 'not being able to have kids' thing but she'll get there. I think she needed to just talk to….what the hell's wrong with you?"

I was looking at her in shock, my mouth open.

"Katie can't have kids?" She nodded and looked sad.

"Sorry babe, I thought I'd told you. She told me the day…" she paused awkwardly as she remembered, "er, the day of the barbeque, when you invited them all to stay. She had some tests when she was with the dwarf, she can't have kids at all, ever."

I thought about Katie, the boyfriends, the life she obviously wanted. Wife and mother, preferably rich and famous to boot. It was written all over her face, always had been. It was her plan for the perfect life. Shit, that's hard.

"It's OK hun, I understand." I said breaking the uncomfortable silence that had suddenly descended. "We weren't talking much back then after all. Shit I'm sorry, she must be devastated. It's one fucking thing after another for her isn't it. Fuck me!"

She just nodded, sadly.

"You better get back to her babe; she's going to need you more that I do right now."

She leant forward and kissed me, coming dangerously close to the hot water as I reached up to her. "Shit watch out Ems, you'll get soaked."

She stood up carefully avoiding most of the splashes and walked back to the doorway before turning and smiling.

"Come on Nai, you _know_ you always make me wet!"

With that last comment she was gone, and I was left with the indescribable loss that was her absence. Slipping back into the hot water I realised that last comment was another point for her and probably the victory, two points to one.

One day I'll actually win one.

I smile, actually, perhaps not.

**A/N –** So you probably think it's a bit of a fluffy filler this chapter, oh how wrong can you be...the twists, the turns the outrage that's coming. The deeply hidden depths of this chapter...you can only dream d-:

Besides it was a chance to bring back the toxic twin – 'cause I just love Katie _fucking_ Fitch. More from her in Chapter 5; coming to a website near you as soon as I can get Chapter 6 drafted and make it all fit together.


	5. Guests, Guests and More Guests

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent. Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame)

**Authors Note **– OK so we're five chapters in and I know it's going slowly. Sorry if I'm boring you. I promise to get into the action soon. I guess I just enjoy writing the details, trying to flesh out who the hell these people are and what makes them tick. Still things are about to start moving so stick with me through the next few chapters, sorry they're long ones. But rest assured we're about to see the first movements of the avalanche.

**Chapter 5 – Guests, Guests and More Guests**

_Emily_

Bloody Katie, she really knows how to pick her times. I've had a really good day and tonight I wanted nothing else but to curl up on the sofa with Naomi and watch TV before heading for bed, perhaps even see if my girl had the energy for something more that just sleeping. Instead I'm fucking baby sitting.

I don't really mind, well maybe a bit, but she is my sister after all and I can really feel her hurt. She's been crying a lot tonight and though it's painful to watch I'm actually glad. I think she needed the release, needed to let it all out of her system. Still, some food, a glass of wine and she's looking a lot better. More like the Katie of old.

"Any of that left?"

Naomi had walked into the kitchen dressed and holding her mostly empty glass. I grabbed the bottle and poured some of the wine for her, topping up our glasses at the same time.

"Thanks for dinner Naomi, I appreciate it."

Fuck me, Katie was actually being nice…wow!

"You're more than welcome Katiekins," Naomi replied with not even a hint of sarcasm in her voice, "I can't take the credit though. Ems cooked it first; all I did was re-heat it."

Typical fucking Naomi that, can't take a compliment when one's offered.

"Yeah? Well thanks to you both, and thanks for fucking off and leaving me with Emsy. I appreciate that as well."

See? We often think of Katie as stupid, with the WAG obsession and the Hookers-R-Us clothing. But actually, she's more astute than people think.

Naomi just nodded, sat down and took a sip from her wine.

"Katie," she started biting on her lip in that way she does, looking unusually awkward. "I've been thinking, why don't you crash here for a few days."

Fucking hell...

"Well I thought, it can't be much fun stuck in that caravan and we've got the space with the spare room and everything so I was thinking, if you want, that you might want to crash here."

She was babbling now. I couldn't help but think it was a little cute, she sounded so unlike Naomi.

"At least you can get a shower and stuff then. My mum isn't due back for a week or so and I'm not sure what we'll be doing when she's back, but you've got a place here, if you want it?"

I just looked at her shock etched on my face. I think Katie was doing the same.

"If Ems is Ok with that, of course." She said quickly looking down at the floor after glancing sideways at me, totally misinterpreting my look. Katie just stared at her. Well fuck me; she is just _full_ of surprises these days.

"I've not got a problem with that Nai," I find myself saying. I'd been wondering if I dare ask her about the very same thing, concerned she might just explode at the thought of it. After all it's still early days for us and it would have been a _bit_ of a liberty.

Plus, if I was being perfectly honest, I was really looking forward to us being on our own again. Being able to spend every moment of every day like this afternoon, but I push that feeling down. There'll be plenty of time for us, I'm positive of that; and I'm proud fit to bursting that Naomi would think to ask Katie to stay. One more mental note for the day, I really need to let her know how much I appreciate this.

Katie looked from me to her then looked away. "Thanks guys but no, I'm not going to play gooseberry here with you two. You need time together alone."

"Fucking hell Katie, do you think your sister and I spend all our time in bed shagging?"

Actually that's _exactly_ what she thinks, she's as good as told me.

"You won't _be_ a gooseberry Katie. Fuck it, I've got to work anyway, I've got myself a summer job you know? To put some money aside for Goa. So it's not as if you and I will have to hold hands on the sofa and watch afternoon TV every fucking day."

That's my girl, gotta love that wit. I do _not_ have to enjoy the image that's just popped into my head though.

"Besides, I'm sure Emily will want to spend time with you!"

Hang on, when did I get dragged into this conversation?

"She won't be seeing you at all once we head off abroad you know? Goa might only be the first stop on our trip. We could be away for the full 12 months, then there's Uni' to consider. This could be your last chance to be together like this. Stop being a _selfless_ bitch and accept the offer before it's withdrawn."

Well I'm shocked, I'm sure Katie is too, I can see it on her face. I doubt anyone has ever accused her of being self_less_. Plus Naomi's just cleverly twisted the offer around; making out that Katie staying would be good for me. Giving her an out, giving her some dignity, fuck it I'm so proud. Take that idea of showing my appreciation and multiply it; she thinks she's tired now...I'm going to do my best to ensure she can't fucking get out of bed tomorrow, or the next day if at all possible.

Though thinking about it, (and honestly it's difficult to drag my thoughts away from what I plan to do to Naomi later), it's not that bad an idea, I've never been apart from Katie for longer than a few days, usually when she's off shagging her latest boyfriend, and never that far apart distance wise. The most was seven hundred miles last summer when she'd ran from me on Paris to see Effy in Venice. Nowhere near the distance we were going to be apart this year, half the globe practically and out of contact for most of it.

Twelve months is a long time when you've spent your entire lives near to one another. It'd do us good to connect before we part, time to build on what happened in the living room when we were just two sisters that loved each other. '_Damn it Naomi, you're just far too fucking smart.'_ My mind made up, it was time for some sisterly manipulation.

"She's right Katie; I'd love to spend some time with you before we go away." I grabbed her hand, probably overplaying this a little. "Please, stay here, stay with me? At least for a little while."

Katie nodded tears in her eyes, "Thanks." She said simply.

"Right, that's sorted then. I'll call dad and get him to come round. You head home and pick up your things and I'll get the spare room set up for you."

"Already done Ems."

What? When? I just stare at her my mouth open.

"Spare rooms' already set up babe." She stood and walked around the table to where Katie and I sat and kissed me on the head. "I set it up before I had a bath. Mattress turned and clean bedding applied. Just needs a guest now."

Bitch, she'd planned it all along. God I love her. She headed towards the living room, but didn't escape before Katie stood up, and hugged her. "Thanks Lezzer, I appreciate this."

"No problems bitch, glad to help."

How good is this? No, actually how weird is this?

***

Ten minutes later and dad has arrived to pick Katie up. He's been invited in by Naomi and we've been spending a pleasant time just chatting. My dad actually likes Naomi, unlike my mum, and he seems to just want me to be happy. Naoms often says that she can't understand a word he says. I guess his Scouse accent is a bit thick, I figure we're just used to it.

Anyway they're getting along like a house on fire discussing politics, unfair taxation and ranting about the dominance of banks over small business' finances. Dad's still bitter about losing the gym and Naomi hates injustice and hates bankers. She's getting a lot of nods from my dad as she goes on about the _"overpaid plutocrats living off the hard work of the people. Leeching from them like parasites and then shitting them out"_. Jesus, he had to start her off didn't he? Though they're as bad as each other, they're like a couple of drunks in a pub the way they're ranting on, cursing everyone and agreeing with everything the other says. Seriously, it's nice that they're bonding and all that, but I'm half expecting them to hug each other drunkenly slurring _"You're my best mate you are"_ any second.

I shouldn't be bitter, it's nice that my dad likes my girlfriend; I just wish mum could come around to his way of thinking. All he wants is for us all to be happy. I think mum is still a bit up herself worrying about what people will think.

"_My daughters a __**lesbian**__ for heaven's sake, how can __**that**__ be right?"_

I can practically hear her saying it, heaven forbid her daughter might just be happy that way.

Fuck her, I'm past caring.

Ok, I'll admit it; obviously, I'm not really, I am still hurting, but I'm getting there. It hurt the most when she walked away at the barbeque, I couldn't even turn to Naomi then because I'd walked away from her. Thank God Katie was there for me.

Talking of Katie, she's looking better than she was when she arrived; I think Naoms' offer of a proper bed, well a mattress, to sleep on has cheered her up a bit. I'm still kicking myself for not noticing how bad she was feeling sooner. I mean, having to be warned by your girlfriend that your twin _fucking_ sister isn't doing well, where the hell was my head?

Don't bother telling me, I think I know.

Ten minutes after that and they're gone, back to the caravan to collect Katie's stuff. Almost before the door has closed I've jumped Naomi. I've currently got her pinned on the floor of the living room and I'm peppering her face and neck with kisses. She keeps trying to push me away, but I've managed to hold her hands down. To be honest I don't think she's trying all that hard, fucking hope she's not anyway.

"What's this all for?" she asks as I release her lips.

"Wanted to say thank you." I said nuzzling at her neck.

"For what?" she asks confused. Seriously I don't believe her sometimes, I mentally take back the _'too fucking smart'_ comment, sometimes she really is as dumb as a bag of spanners.

"Duh! You. My sister." I manage to say between kisses. "Thank you."

"What, for letting Katie stay? Don't need to thank me for that. She is your sister; I really should try getting on with her, it's going to be a fucking long life with you if she hates me."

I stopped what I was doing, leaning over her and staring down into her blue eyes intently.

"D'you know that's the first time you've said anything about us having a future?"

"What today?" she smiled at me, knowing what I was going to say next.

I smiled back, "Ever!"

"I thought I'd made it plain Em, I've loved you for like, _ever_, I've no plans to let you go."

I smiled soppily at her, "That's nice."

"Good, now are you going to let go of my hands and let me up?"

"So you _don't_ want me to show you how _appreciative_ I am of your consideration?"

"Well I wouldn't go that far," she said slyly, eyes twinkling.

"So shut up and kiss me then," and she did. For starters.

***

Thankfully we've finished, (and have got over the fit of giggles that developed as we got dressed again), pulling on the last of our clothes just moments before Katie got back carrying her suitcase. She's come a long way over the last few months, but I'm not sure she's _quite_ ready to walk in on us having sex. I know I'm not.

Avoiding Naomi's amused look at my badly buttoned shirt I offer to help Katie up the stairs with the bag. It was three steps before I was regretting my helpfulness

"Fucking hell Katie have you got James hidden in here or what? How much shit do you need?"

"Just a few things, going to need some clubbing things if you two are going to help me find a new man!"

Shit, what have I got myself into?

"Clubbing?"

"Yeah, clubbing. You two need a night out and so do I, so we're going clubbing. Soon, Friday maybe yeah? You, me and Naomi, girlie night out. We'll go out on the pull, have a few drinks and have a good time."

"Katie, I'm not sure I'm happy with you taking my _girlfriend_ out 'on the pull' you know."

"She'll probably enjoy it."

"KATIE!"

"The night out Ems, not the 'pulling', Jeez. Seriously, when was the last time she went out? When you went out as a couple? Last night at the shed doesn't count!"

I didn't want to think about that, I knew exactly when it was. That fucking stupid party where Cook went bat-shit over Effy and Freddie; and I turned detective in my fit of jealousy.

"It was a while ago."

"See, there you go. Night out it is." She leaned forward and hugged me. I hugged her back, dragging us out to get trashed was probably her way of saying thanks to us both.

"You need to get unpacked Katie, it's getting late." Well it was half eleven, technically late. But not when you've only been up since lunchtime, "see you in a bit yeah?"

I left her to it and went downstairs, Naomi was sat on the sofa reading a book, I draped myself over the doorframe doing my best to look seductive.

"Can I interest you in a glass of wine my dear?"

She looked up from the book and smiled at me.

"Think I've had enough to be honest, though I am thinking of making some hot chocolate."

"I'll do that, I'm going to get a drink anyway. Though seriously Nai, hot chocolate? You're getting old."

She just stuck her tongue out at me; I looked at it and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't make promises you can't keep babe." I said before heading for the kitchen. I'd literally just put my hand on the fridge door when I was grabbed from behind and felt something warm and wet push into my ear.

"Ugh, Nai, fuck off, that's fucking disgusting." She licked the inside of my ear again causing me to cringe and twist away then she nibbled softly on my earlobe. Damn I love that. Perhaps I'll forgive her, just this once.

"Katie sorted then?" she asked quietly kissing me on the neck, letting go of my shoulders and slipping her arms around me properly. I turned into her embrace.

"She's unpacking now; she'll be down in a bit." I rubbed my ear trying to dry it a little, ugh. "It was really nice of you to invite her here babe, I know you two haven't always seen eye to eye."

"Nah, she's OK, she's growing on me a little, besides she's your sister and I think she needs you at the moment so it's fine."

"Really?"

"Really, really. Now where's my hot chocolate bitch!"

"Pour me a glass of wine, you chauvinist pig, and I'll make you one."

***

We sat in the living room, Katie and I were chatting quietly about nothing in particular, the gang, the future, clothes, travelling and Naomi's appalling taste in music. We were in luck at the moment, the 80's revival was officially paused and Katie had put on a bit of Paloma Faith. I have to admit to finding her rather cute in St Trinian's, (Katie made me watch it, honest, I wasn't perving), and her album was pretty good. Not what I expected, but good. I'm actually shocked; it's not what I would call Katie's cup of tea. I wasn't really listening tonight though. Tonight it was background noise whilst Katie and I talked, Naomi wouldn't complain. She was fast asleep, her head in my lap.

For probably the first time in my life Katie and I were just talking to each other. I mean as equals, as friends as well as sisters. It was refreshing; to just be able to chat without having to fight her tooth and nail just to retain my identity.

This was a really good idea.

Nai stirred in her sleep and muttered softly. Unconsciously I stroked her blonde hair just staring down at her face. Suddenly getting that feeling of being watched I looked up and found Katie staring at me, her eyes amused.

"What?" I just had to ask.

"Cute."

"Yeah well, she's had a busy few days. Plus she was up first thing shopping for stuff for breakfast."

"She cooked you breakfast?"

"Well duh, she can cook you know."

"Yeah, but she doesn't strike me as the breakfast in bed kind of person."

I smiled, "Well she didn't serve it to me in bed but she did cook it for me. She does it pretty often actually, you know? Little things to tell me she loves me. Always has. Like the blackboard, she started that. Wiped off all the contact phone numbers Gina had left her and left me a message before going to college. It's what she does; she finds expressing emotions difficult so she does things like that to tell me how she feels. It's quite sweet really."

"She didn't seem to have any problems last night." She's right there, I thought about it for a second. I'm suddenly even more impressed with what my girl did.

"You're right Katie, she didn't. I honestly think that was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I don't think that anyone will ever be able to beat that as an expression of love. It was beautiful, so perfect I can't explain it to you I really can't. It made it all the more special because I can't even imagine what it took for her to do it."

I looked down at her fondly and swept the loose hair away from her face.

Katie looked seriously at me, "You really do love her don't you."

"Well duh" I repeated. God, sometimes she could be thick.

"No Ems, I mean _really. _I've told lots of boys I love them, but I don't think I've ever really meant it, not _really_."

"Yes Katie, I _really_ love her, we've had our problems, we're not perfect but even when I hated her guts I couldn't stop loving her."

Katie yawned, "That's nice."

I sniggered, "Keeping you awake sis? I know you're older than me but I thought you had more stamina than this."

"I think love Freddie you know."

"What?" Sorry, I know it's rude but you'll have to forgive me I'm a bit shocked.

"Freddie, I think I love him. You know really love him. I find myself thinking about him a lot, have done for ages. Find myself hating Effy for taking him away; find myself hating him for leaving me for her. Hate myself for feeling like that. Hate that I'd run back to him right now if he asked me you know?"

"Jesus Katie, how long have you known?"

"Honestly? Not till now. Not really wanted to think about it let alone admit it, but probably since that night in the woods, when he looked at Effy. It really fucking hurt to see him look at her like that. He never looked at me like that, not once and it tore me a-fucking-part. I think that was when I realised he wasn't just a shag to me, wouldn't ever be just a shag.

I really hated Effy then, wanted to go after her, fuck up her life like she had fucked up mine."

"You still feel like that?"

"No, not really. Not about Effy anyway. She's as fucked up as I am really, we've both been screwed over. We spent a lot of time together when she was in the hospital. You know just talking about things, about Fred's, me and her. We're cool now, more than cool. I guess we're friends, well kind of. We both love him I think, in different ways perhaps but we do."

"I meant about Freddie Katie, do you still feel the same way about him?"

Katie was silent for a while, "Yeah I do. I hate it but I do. I miss him, missed him last night. Actually felt sick when I saw he wasn't there, felt sick when I saw Effy was alone. Would you be upset if I said I was fucking jealous that Naomi came there to win you back? I was fucking jealous, and sad because I knew Freddie would never do that for me.

I think the time we spent together last year was the best and worst time of my life. I had him, but I knew he wanted her. But I couldn't help myself. I made out that it was just an ego thing, but I think I was kidding myself."

"Sounds like love hun, or something close."

Katie looked away quickly at Naomi's voice and stared at the wall. I looked down; Naomi was looking with sleep filled eyes across at her. Eventually Katie turned back and met her eyes.

"Trust me Katie, I know. Remember I've been in love with this one…" she stroked my leg, "…since I was 12. I know exactly how it feels. I know how hard it hurts to see that person with someone else, anyone else, I even hated seeing Emily with you, you know, because it was you and not me? That and you were always such a cow to her of course and there was nothing I could do about it, not without giving myself away.

I know how hard it is to be away from the person you love, even if you can't bring yourself to admit that you love them. I could write you an book on how much it tears at your soul not to be with them, even if you're in the same room as them. How painful it is to spend days, weeks, years believing they don't even know you exist or that they don't want you to exist. I know exactly what you're feeling Katie, I really do. I've felt it most of my life."

I've got tears in my eyes again, damn her. I stroke her cheek as she yawns loudly.

"It's not a bad thing Katie. In fact once you accept it for what it is and stop fighting it, it's pretty fucking wonderful. Don't beat yourself up about it ok? At least you have a benchmark now; everything that happens to you from now on will be measured against this feeling. It'll help you in the long run, admitting it, you'll be able to spot it next time it happens. Stop you sleeping with twats like I did."

She gave my leg a squeeze. "Anyway, that's what I think, but as I'm apparently no longer 'all seeing' I could be full of shit, so feel free to ignore me. I'm off to bed."

With that little bombshell she stood up, stretched and then leaned down to kiss me.

"As nice as your lap is as a pillow hun; I'm a bit tall for this fucking sofa and I'm aching, I need my bed. 'Night babe, love you. 'Night Katie, sleep well."

"Night babe," I reply, "I'll be up in a bit K? Get some sleep I'll try not to wake you when I come to bed."

Katie cleared her throat somewhat uncomfortably. "Goodnight Naomi and thanks. Thanks for everything, and I don't think you're full of shit. At least, not all the time anyway."

She stopped for a second, framed in the doorway; smiled at Katie's comment and winked. Then she turned away and I heard her walk upstairs, brush her teeth and eventually climb into bed.

"She's not too bad that girlfriend of yours."

"Nice of you to finally notice."

***

After another hour or so of talking crap Katie's ready for bed and so am I. It's been really nice but I'm longing to crawl under the duvet again. Carefully I snuggle up to Naoms, curling myself into her back, trying not to wake her up and like that I quickly fall fast asleep. Sleeping is my second favourite thing after all.

Unfortunately I'm not going to get the chance to enjoy it. It feels like only minutes after I curl up with my girl that I'm rudely awoken by a hammering at our door. I sit up quickly and rub sleep from my eyes.

"What the **fuck** is that?"

It's obviously woken Naomi, shit, whoever it is will regret that. She's looking furious.

"Who the fuck is making that fucking racket at…" She snatched her phone from the side, "...fucks sake…four fucking twenty in the morning. If that's fucking Cook again I'm going to fucking kill him."

Yup, I was right, furious. There goes any chance of sleeping tonight then, she can be a bastard when her adrenaline is running high.

She practically throws herself out of bed and grabs a robe from the door before storming downstairs. Quickly I follow her, doing likewise, just in case she tries to hurt someone. Probably Cook. Blearily I see Katie's face at her door.

"What's going on Em?"

"Dunno; someone's being a twat I guess."

I see the door flung open and head down the stairs two at a time.

"EFFY; what the fuck? Do you know what fucking time it is…?"

Her voice softened a bit.

"Are you all right?" I hear her say. I run down the rest of the stairs to her shoulder. Effy is stood on our doorstep; she looks freezing she's dressed in the same clothes as the other night and peculiarly I notice she's not wearing shoes. For a second it's surreal and then Effy just looks at us both with tears pouring down her face.

"It's about Freddie…"


	6. It’s Too Late for the Pebbles to Vote

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent. Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame)

**Authors Note – **OK so after staying up far too late for a 5am start last night reading the latest chapter of Anything to Declare I'm back, barely. I'm on my own this evening as my gf's off partying in Liverpool with her work mates and I'm feeling a bit billy no mates. But thanks to the magical recuperative powers of Marlboro Lights and Stella Artois I give you all Chapter 6. It's a bit 'diferente this one and I'm not convinced; but hey I tried. See what you think.

**Chapter 6 – It's Too Late for the Pebbles to Vote**

_Effy_

I don't know why I came here; don't know what force possessed me to think that this would be the right place but I'm walking up to a strange blue door in the early hours of the morning with nowhere else left to turn.

I've only been here once before; earlier in the year and it was Emily that invited me and the gang over after a heavy night out. I don't think Naomi knew anything about it. We've never been friends Naomi and I; we've had a few conversations, we kind of get along. We're both a mess, well we both were a mess. I guess we're both getting better, well at least she is, and I was, until today.

I don't know how long I've been walking around; I've lost most of my ability to feel now, I'm dimly aware of how cold it is; for some reason I know my feet are freezing but I can't feel them, can't feel anything much really. I've no idea when or where I've lost my shoes and I can't find the energy to care. So I'm here and I'm hammering on the door, hoping that someone will hear me, hoping that someone will help me.

The door is flung open and I see an angry looking Naomi Campbell at the door.

"EFFY, what the fuck! Do you know what fucking time it is…?"

I don't, didn't, I want to be able to tell her this but I can't, I can't really see her through the watery veil that's fallen over my eyes.

"Are you all right?"

Not quite so angry now part of my brain realises, that's good. I spot a shock of red appear next to her shoulder, eyes wide, I stare at the two figures as the reality of the situation crashes down on me. No I'm not _fucking_ all right, I may _never_ be _fucking_ all right again and I need their help. What do you say to make them realise that? What do you say when you're Effy Stonem, ultra-cool Effy; unfathomable, irresistible and oh so fucking perfect? I start with the only thing I can think of, the only thing that's going through my mind, the only thing that's keeping me on this side of the sanity line and then only barely.

"It's about Freddie…"

_*******_

_**9:25AM Previous Day – Effy**_

I'm awoken to the sound of my alarm clock chirping away happily, I'm not sure why it's so fucking happy it's the third time it's tried to wake me up and it's failed so far. It's not done its job; it should be miserable and disappointed and most of all quiet. Instead it sits there merrily cheeping away telling me to wake up. I've got a headache building somewhere just behind my left eye and the beeping is just making it worse.

Is it wrong to want an alarm clock dead? Is that my sanity slipping again or is it normal behaviour for a hung over person? I'm not really sure, I don't think I've ever been 'normal' I don't think I have a baseline.

I also don't think that I remember a lot about last night. I do remember a slightly drunk Katie Fitch hugging me and forcing me to drink vodka, and tequila and something else that she happened to find in Freddie's shed. I think it was sambuca. I'm not good with sambuca. Is anyone? So the evening is a bit of a mystery, even by my pilled up and pissed standards.

I remember a few things though, Panda for one. Who'd have thought it? Little old 'useless' Pandora managing to take a load of extra 'A' Levels and getting into Harvard. I didn't even know she was interested in history, let along good enough to get a US scholarship, I have no idea what the Americans are going to make of my best friend, but I'm sure she'll have a 'whizzer' time. The old Effy Stonem would have looked on in disinterest, remaining aloof, too cool to comment. The new Effy is really happy for her, really, _really_, happy for her.

I also remember the shock of the night; it's burnt into my memory. Naomi Campbell finally coming out, not as gay; _I_ knew that, we _all_ knew that. Emily and her have been living together for long enough to convince the rest of the gang of that unimportant little fact. But I'm not the rest of the gang you see. I've known it for a while now, since the first day at college in fact.

I've known all along about her and Emily, since the moment I laid eyes on her in the corridor outside of our form registration, I watch people you see. One of the advantages of not speaking very much is that you can concentrate on what people say and what they do. I've been watching Naomi reject Emily in different ways for a long time now and I've never been fooled. I've seen that way she looks at her when she thinks no-one is looking. I've listened to what she's said and I've watched the hurt in her eyes every time Katie made a bitchy comment about her being gay. I knew she was lying all the time, knew it from Cooks 17th party when he told her that he had the cure. Saw her face when he said it, saw her face when Emily came to her rescue with the chocolate cake.

Trust Cook to hit Naomi where it really hurt, to remind her of what she's been doing all along, using cocks to try and cure herself, treating falling in love like an illness.

Poor, lonely Naomi Campbell, all fucked up with no-one to love apart from the one person she thought she couldn't; remind you of anyone? I must remember to tell her how lucky she was not to take Cook up on that offer; that really would have fucked things up. I've done my best to help her through it, because I've also known how Emily felt about her and frankly they deserve each other.

But no, what I saw last night was Naomi finally putting all her bullshit and confusion behind her and finally coming out as Naomi Campbell, the girl that loves Emily Fitch, totally and utterly. It was kind of nice really. In fact it was pretty sweet watching the two of them back together. I've not really seen them happy. I missed the famous college ball and most of the summer break hiding from my past, with Cook; until Freddie and JJ came along to drag me away and then I'd fled to Italy to escape them as well. I've only ever seen them unhappy and awkward, trying to hide their problems from the world. Even then I'd known what they seemed to have forgotten.

I don't miss anything you see, never have, and probably never will.

I pick up my phone and send a quick text,

'_Happy! lk after heal tk ltr?'_

I send it to Naomi, then as an afterthought I send the same message to Emily. What the fuck, they both need to know that I'm happy for them; and the new Effy Stonem is going to be there for both of them if they need it.

No need for anyone else to end up in the funny farm; fucks sake no-one else needs to hear Panda sing to them.

***

An hour later and I'm sat in the living room watching some inane shite on TV. Mum's out, probably shopping at Ikea again, my bedroom has looked like a showroom for those Swedish bastards ever since I got home from the hospital.

I shudder involuntarily at the thought of the hospital and John. I'm not sure what he was thinking, whether he thought he was helping me or what. But mum and Fred's freaked at him about what he'd done, what he said was treatment. I guess I can understand why; Naomi was right, you can't just pretend things didn't happen; you've got to deal with them, work through them. I said I'd never forget him and he said I wouldn't. I can't get that out of my head for some reason and I don't understand why.

I think back to the shed, Cook had given me Freddie's notebook, filled with three words and one phrase that shocked me; why did Freds think John wants to hurt me?

God I wish he'd come home, I really miss him. Wish I'd not been so mad to make him want to run from me.

I'm disturbed by my mobile ringing. I glance at the display but it's a withheld number. Reluctantly I answer it wondering who it is.

"Hello,"

"Is that Elizabeth Stonem?"

"Speaking."

"I have a call for you from a James Cook; he's in custody here at HMP Bristol and has asked for you to be contacted. Will you take the call?"

Cook, in custody, calling me?

"Er, OK," I manage to say.

I hear a noise on the line and then Cook's familiar voice comes on.

"Eff, it's me. Look there's a lot to explain and not a lot of time. I've given myself up, done something pretty bad but I've got to tell you. I went to that fucking psycho Fosters last night, followed him from the shed. Eff I found Fred's clothes in the basement, they were covered in blood. I think he killed him, I think Freddies dead."

My hand is shaking and I drop the phone. I can hear Cook's voice coming through the speaker but I'm not registering it, not really. Freddie can't be dead, he just went away. He just ran away from me because I'm not well and he can't cope, that's all.

I hear Cooks voice through the speaker on the floor, faint, electronic but clear.

"Eff, someone's got to tell Karen, please Eff I'm begging you, don't let it be the cops, I owe her that."

***

I'm sitting here crying again, dimly in the background I can hear the voices, they're back and they're calling to me. They've been quiet for a while but now they're shouting at me, shouting at me through the cloudy veil that separates my world from theirs. His voice is back, I haven't heard it since that day in the hospital. That last day with the space hoppers and strange songs. The day he told me that they were all fucking mad.

I'm not ready to let him go…I'm not. I still love him.

_**12:42AM Previous Day – Effy**_

I find myself somewhere I don't want to be, walking down the side of the house to the oh-so familiar front door. I remember the last time I stood here, when I knocked and Fred's opened the door and just stared at me, eyes full of confusion and love. That was a happy time; at least I think I was happy. How can you tell? No, things were clear then and I was happy, definitely happy.

This time the door is opened by Karen and her eyes are puffy.

"Effy" I'm stood there crying. I've been crying all this time.

She drew me into a hug, "You heard? You heard that they think Freddie's dead?" Tears were rolling down her face

"Cook called me from custody used his phone call to get me to tell you, so you didn't hear from the police. I'm sorry Karen, I'm really sorry."

We held each other for a while. "I think you'd better come inside Effy, there's someone you need to talk to."

She led me into the house, into the living room where a strange man is sitting drinking a cup of tea, he stood as we entered.

"Elizabeth Stonem, this is Detective Constable Simon Jennings."

"Pleased to meet you Miss Stonem, I've been assigned to the McClair family as their liaison during the investigation of allegations made by James Cook. I believe you know Mr Cook." He raised a knowing eyebrow at me. Smug bastard.

"It's Effy, and yes I know Cook, intimately in fact." I raise an eyebrow back. I can play this game too; I'm not going to let him intimidate me. He just smiles.

"I understand Mr Cook called you this morning."

"That's why I'm here." Fuck him.

"So you understand what I'm doing here then?"

He's testing me; in the middle of all this shit the bastard is testing me, pumping me for information. What an arsehole, through my fear and pain I'm surprised to find I'm angry. I haven't felt angry in so long.

"I only know what Cook said on the phone. I'm assuming from that smug impression on your face you know what that was. I've no idea about anything else."

He looked at me appraisingly, I stared back at him, channelling the old Effy, the cold eyed Effy that saw everything and cared about nothing. He must have been satisfied with something because he just smiled across at Karen and began to explain everything.

"We received a phone call last night from Mr Cook offering to give himself up; as you're no doubt aware Mr Cook has been on the run from custody for weeks now and despite our best efforts he has eluded our attempts to re-arrest him."

I just nodded blankly.

"He gave officers his address and said he had information regarding the disappearance of Frederick McClair.

Upon arriving at the scene officers apprehended Mr Cook who was standing over the body of a Dr John Foster."

He looked up at me as I stared at him. "I believe Dr Foster was treating you recently."

I nodded stunned, wondering what the fuck was going on, body? Had Cook killed John?

"Mr Cook alleges that he followed Dr Foster from a party here last night because he was acting suspiciously. He admits to breaking and entering the house where he found bloodstained clothes that he claims belonged to Mr McClair. He then claims that Dr Foster challenged him, admitted harming Mr McClair and then attacked him with a baseball bat forcing him to defend himself."

He looked up again holding my eye contact, gauging me for a reaction; I didn't have one. He looked disappointed. It's like a fucking TV show, he's playing me against his carefully prepared storyline to see what I'll do or say. Trying to see if I've been in on any of this, if any of it is something I know about.

"Mr Cook was somewhat, shall we say, enthusiastic in his alleged self-defence and Dr Foster appears to have suffered a severe beating with major head injuries, though I'm pleased to say it's likely that he'll survive. As I have just explained to the McClair family, forensic teams are now investigating the house for evidence and I can confirm that they have found clothing that Miss McClair here has identified as belonging to her brother."

I looked across at Karen, she nodded. It was his shirt and shoes Effy, they were covered in blood, so much blood..." she tailed off head in her hands. I felt that I should go over and comfort her, but I couldn't move. I was frozen in place, as if under a spell. I just stared at her.

"I'm afraid to say Miss Stonem, Effy, that the evidence strongly supports Mr Cook's allegation the Mr McClair was the victim of a violent crime. Who committed that violent crime is the subject of our investigation."

"You think it was Cook." It was't a question, and it took him a little by surprise I could tell.

"Mr Cook is indeed one of our suspects; he has a record for criminal violence and was found over Dr Foster who, may I remind you, had been badly beaten. It is not unlikely that he could have been involved. It's our understanding that he recently had a falling out with Mr McClair. Over you I believe."

And there you have it, finally he gets to the point he wanted to make, the big climax.

"Cook wouldn't have done it."

I looked across at Karen, she was staring at the detective, "He loved Freddie, loved him like a brother. He was trying to find him for me. I gave him Freds' journal the one about Effy, the one that had the message about Foster in it."

"Journal?"

I dug around in my bag and brought out the rolled and battered schoolbook. I passed it across to him. "Cook gave me this, last night, here, in the shed. He left and didn't come back...I wondered why..."

He looked through it, page upon page of _'I love her'_ then he found the page with the black marker, the one I'd tried to ignore.

"I'll need to keep this Miss Stonem," he said, "It'll have to be taken into evidence."

I just nodded whatever! I didn't care anymore, didn't care about anything like that.

I just needed to know.

***

_**17:23PM Previous Day - Effy**_

I sat in Freddie's house with Karen and her dad for most of the afternoon not speaking, not doing anything really. Just waiting. The smug detective was replaced by a WPC, obviously there to deal with the upset females in the house. To be honest Freddie's dad Leo looked like he needed someone more than we did. He's probably lost two people in his family now, he looks devastated.

There's a knock at the door and the WPC goes to answer it. She's back in seconds with Detective Constable Dickhead and he's brought a sharply dressed lady friend with him. The PC says something about tea and fucks off into the kitchen.

Why do people think tea makes everything better? Nothing makes everything better, nothing at all, I know. I've tried everything, tea, coffee, booze, sex, drugs, insanity, I've tried them all, nothing _ever_ makes it better.

The smartly dressed woman introduces herself but I'm not really listening. I'm doing what I've been doing all afternoon, trying to pick through the voices in my head, trying to hear Freds' voice one last time.

"so I'm afraid it looks like Mr Cook was correct and that in all probability your son is dead Mr McClair. I'm very sorry."

My head snaps up at the fact.

"Have you found him?"

"I'm sorry Miss..."

"Stonem," DC Dickhead supplies her with my name. She raises an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry Miss Stonem but as I've just explained we have nothing but circumstantial evidence at the moment. However, we have evidence of Mr McClairs clothing at the house in question and forensics have discovered traces of blood throughout a set of stairs and on a baseball bat recovered at the scene. The evidence had been thoroughly cleaned in an attempt to remove it so we think we can rule out Mr Cook as our primary suspect. I'm sorry to have to put it like this but our forensic experts believe that the amount of blood discovered makes it likely that the victim did not survive.

I have to stress however that until we can confirm a DNA match on the blood, which could take several days we cannot rule out that Mr McClair is alive."

She smiled, "In cases like this there's always hope."

"So John did this?" I find myself asking.

"We're still waiting for Dr Foster to regain consciousness, your friend Mr Cook did beat him quite badly. But I can confirm that he's a person of interest in this case yes."

"So it's my fault then," I sob, "it's all my fault. If I hadn't gone fucking mad, hadn't met John then none of this would have happened, Freddie would still be here, still be alive."

I can hear Karen speaking in the background but I've no idea what she's saying. I grab my bag and run from their house, run out into the street and keep running.

I've no idea where I am of what I'm doing and I don't care anymore, I just need to run, run from the voices that are shouting at me, just make it all go away

_*******_

_**3:45AM Present Day - Effy**_

It's cold, I'm cold. I'm sat on a bench in a park smoking a cigarette looking at the pond in the middle. I've been wandering the streets for hours now. Didn't want to go home, didn't want to go back to Freds', too many memories in both those places. My mum's been calling me all night and I've been ignoring her, well I was ignoring her until the battery died and I was left in peace.

I called in to see Panda at some point, but it looks like she's gone out, her room is in darkness anyway. Her mother wasn't answering so I assumed they've gone somewhere together. So it's pitch black and I've nowhere to go. Cook's in jail, Pandas AWOL and Freddie, well he's never coming back. I don't know who to turn to. That's the problem being a loner, not making many friends, there's never anyone to turn to when you need one.

Then it strikes me, there is someone I can turn to, some people that I can trust. So I climb up from the bench and head across town to an unfamiliar blue door on the corner of an unimposing street and make one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I walk up to the door and knock, looking for sanctuary.

Hoping I'll find it here.

_*******_

_**5:50AM Present Day- Emily**_

I can't believe this; it's like a scene from a bad movie. I'm sat on our sofa just holding Effy as she cries. Katie is sat on the floor with my girlfriends arms around her shoulders. It's all too fucking surreal.

Freddie is dead, gone. Just like that.

"_It's about Freddie…"_

That's what she'd said before falling into Naomi's arms, _"He's dead"_ I heard her shout, _"Freddie's fucking dead."_ I heard a thump from upstairs, shit Katie.

She's collapsed at the top of the stairs and is lying on the floor sobbing...fucking hell.

We'd sat downstairs and listened as Effy told us the story of the day, Cooks phone call, the meeting at Freddie's when they learnt of the evidence at John Foster's surgery, the lack of a body but all about the bloodstained clothes neatly sealed in plastic bags. Boxed ready for disposal. The blood-spatter, the baseball bat and the police's suspicions. The police had been ripping apart Effy psychologist's home, his life, all day with no success, no sign of Freddie.

Katie had been positive at first, "There's no body. That means he could still be alive," she'd been insisting.

Effy had just shook her head.

"They said there was too much blood Katie." She'd said through her tears, "just too much blood."

So here we sat, Naomi and I, Comforting two very different people who loved the same person in their own fucked up ways. Two people who had nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to but us.

I looked across at Nai, she was just holding my sister, Katie's head buried in her shoulder her shoulders rocking as she cried. She looked up at me her eyes soft.

"If we ever speak of this again..." she mouthed nodding at Katie and smiling.

I know what she means; it seems strange to see your duplicate holding your girl. Even though Katie and I aren't identical it still seems strange. From behind I'm told we're quite similar. Similar build, similar height, if it wasn't for the fact that she hasn't dyed her hair in a while we'd probably look the same. Spooky, I'm not sure I like it.

I'm dragged out of my thoughts by movement as Effy stirred; she seemed to have cried herself out.

"I should go."

"No, you shouldn't, you need some sleep Effy."

"Naomi has spoken Eff," I find myself agreeing. "You're not going anywhere tonight. Time for some sleep, things will seem different in the morning."

I'm not sure why I said it, it just seems to be what people say.

"It _is_ the morning Emsy," I heard Katie say through sobs; "it's not going to be any different. It's not going to be the same again."

***

So for the first night in a long time I'm sleeping apart from Naomi and it feels _wrong_. I'm in our bed, but I'm holding onto a brunette not a blonde. I'm selfish ehought to think that after all we've been through two nights, well one and one interrupted night with her feeling right isn't enough. I also think we've messed this up. I should be with Katie helping her through this, but Nai seems to have adopted her. Part of me is glad; I think Katie will respond better to someone else, someone other than me tonight.

The door opens and Naomi appears, she grabs some clothes and smiles at me.

"You do realise I should be insanely jealous at this point," she whispers pointing at my arms protectively wrapped around a sleeping Effy.

"How do you think I feel?" I whisper back, "You're about to go to bed with my sister!"

She smiled, "Touché...though I think you got the better deal Ems, you told me Katie snores."

"That's why I'm here and you're not babe," I reply, "I've had 18 years of listening to Katie snore. Your turn."

"Yeah well, I'll just have to pretend Katie is you, you look the same anyway so maybe it won't be too bad."

I pouted, "Fuck off babe, go see to Katie OK?"

"That's what I was suggesting Ems," she said waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

I rolled my eyes in reply. "Ugh! Go to bed Naomi before you wake Effy up."

She softly walked around the bed and kissed me.

"Goodnight my love, I'm going to miss you tonight."

"Ahh sweet" I hear Effy mutter before I could respond and we both blush.


	7. The Drowning Girl

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent. Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame)

**Authors Note – **Thanks for the nice words guys, it does make working through this much more enjoyable. So we're at that stage in every drama, the bit we all love and hate. Hopefully it all makes sense and you don't think I'm doing this for the sake of it....bring on the "A" word...don't hate me...

**Chapter 7 – The Drowning Girl**

_Naomi_

It's been a week since the great announcement, since Effy came pounding on the door in the middle of the night and there's still no news about Freddie.

Effy's going quietly mad, I'm absolutely convinced of it, or is that mad again? I don't fucking know. What I do know is that despite the best efforts of me and Ems she's slipping away from us. She isn't staying with us anymore, goes home every night. She's said it's to do with timetables and medication and familiar environments. I don't really believe her. I think she just wants to be alone again. She's like a drowning girl. She reminds me of a painting I saw once with the same name; a beautiful brunette slipping below the water too proud to call for help, and I think she's dragging Katie down with her.

Neither of them have been the same people I knew, it's weird, it's the most unlikely friendship I can think of but they've been practically inseparable since that night. I think they both need someone that understands how they feel.

Emily and I can't do that, to be honest we barely knew Freddie – I didn't anyway we we're mates, but not friends. I don't have the same emotional attachment as those two do. I can't make the link, but I can't help thinking back to class though, one sunny afternoon. English Literature with Josie; studying Hamlet with her fake voices and pretend hand puppet Gerald. He'd arrived late and I'd spotted what happened between Effy and him, how she'd touched him, how he'd reacted. I remember I'd winked at him knowingly before opening my mouth to answer Josie's question.

"_Hamlet's basically a teenage boy..."_

I'd spoken about Hamlet but I was talking about Freddie, we both knew it.

"_...he ends up so boring, that somebody has to __**kill**__ him."_

How fucking prophetic; who am I, fucking Cassandra?

No, it's nothing to do with me, I've got to stop beating myself up about it...

That was probably the most contact I had with Freddie in two years. I'm beating myself up about a throwaway comment from over a year ago. What kind of a fucked up mess am I? How the fuck can I help Effy?

How the fuck can _I_ help _Katie?_

Katie was nearly broken when she can to our home, but we put her on the road to recovery. Then Effy arrived with her news and Katie took a stroll off the road and ended up on the one heading to self destruction. I've walked along the road she's on, I need to tell her where the potholes are, but I doubt she'll listen. I've lost track of the times over the last few nights that Ems or I have left our bed and headed to her room, sometimes to comfort her, sometimes just to hold her. She's like an empty shell at the moment and she's trying to fill it with booze and pills.

I can't bear to watch her do it, was that really what I was like?

It is killing Ems, I can see it in her eyes; can feel the hurt she's suffering so it's killing me as well. I feel like I've travelled back in time, lost the last week, lost the getting back together. All I can remember is the hurt I caused her when I look into those pain filled eyes. Katie's pain is Emily's pain, my pain.

Emily's stronger than people give her credit for, a lot stronger. But somewhere deep down she's still the younger submissive twin that she used to be; Katie's still her big sister and I just know how much this is hurting her. I guess she's been down this road before and again I'm sure it's my fault. I seem to hurt her even when I'm not involved. I've got to do something, find something that will help Emily, help Katie...help Effy.

So that's why I'm here, Her Majesty's Prison Bristol. It's not too far away really, just out of town, a couple of bus journeys, nothing really. No one knows I'm out here, well except for Emily; I've got no secrets from her now. We've agreed not to tell Katie and Effy, I feel a bit guilty about that but I hope they'll understand, if Cook has got something worthwhile to say I'll tell them, if not – well - what they don't know can't hurt them.

I'm sat on a plastic seat next to a chipped table in the visiting section of the prison. I remind myself of why a good education and a good job is a necessary part of my life, because I don't want to end up in a place like this. I shudder involuntarily – how close had I come? How much do I owe Cook? Jesus...

"That table there." I hear an order barked and look round; in comes James Cook, except he's not the Cookie I remember. He looks subdued and there are marks on his face, some old, some new judging by the colouration. He meets my eyes and his shoulders sag just a little. He was hoping for someone else and he's disappointed.

"All right blondie? How's my second favourite lezzer then?" He's doing his best to act normally, a bit of bravado. Well I can give him that back in spades.

"Second favourite?"

"Too right blondie, your Emily will always be my favourite lezzer. Stunner that girl is, damn shame really. She's far too good for you."

"I don't recall you trying to fuck 'my Emily' Cookie, like you keep trying with my good self." See Cookie, I can play the game as well.

"Hell no, she was always queer, no point in going there. Unless she's well wasted that is; even then she'd probably have been thinking of you. Had a crack though, in the nightclub that time. She's got mint tits blondie, know why you like her; know what I mean?"

Ok, time to stop this now, _fuck_ he has no shame.

"Ok, OK! You win!" I respond smiling, he leans back in his seat smiling as well. "So how are you Cook?"

"Never better blondie, got my own room here and everything. All mod cons, got a gym a library and they're making me study." He leaned in conspiratorially, "shame is I can't bunk lessons to go the pub here can I? Having to read books and stuff, it's not the same as a movie and a good spliff."

"You can read?" I fake astonishment, "When did they teach you to read? You've only been in here a few days!"

"He laughed, "nice one Naomikins, what can I say I'm a fast learner."

"Not too fast Cookie, I told you to sort it out; not go beat some bloke to a pulp then get re-arrested."

"He was asking for it babe, fucker wanted me to kneel down so he could club me to fucking death, like he'd done to Fredster."

I'm shocked, and for once in my life speechless.

"That's what you came here to find out isn't it babe? Or was it to organise a, you know, conjugal visit"

I frown at him, "Fuck off Cook, not funny."

"So why are you here Naomi?"

For a second I think about lying to him about why I'm really here; then I remembered what happened when I tried that with Eff. My recent attempts at lying to everyone, including myself, have been abject failures. Time to try the truth.

"I came here to see if you were OK? Ems and I thought you could do with a friend visiting. Keep you sane you know? But you're right, we've got two crushed people at our house and..."

"Two?"

I bit my lip, hadn't really wanted to say that. _Fucking truth_, "Yeah Cook two, we've got Effy and Katie moping around our house because no one will tell us a fucking thing about what happened. Keep saying it's 'under investigation'. What happened Cook? What really happened that night? Can you give me something, anything to help those two out?"

"Do you really want to know Naomi? Do you really think Eff...erm..those two should know?"

"I'm not sure Cookie; I'm not sure about anything, but Effy's drowning and Katie's slipping away. My main concern is that between the two of them they're killing Emily and I'm not about to let that happen, tell me Cook, tell me everything. I'll just have to decide when and if they're ready to hear it. It'll be my burden then, not yours. You've got enough to deal with. So tell me Cook."

I glare at him, almost challenging him to stay silent. He just looks at me sadly.

"Question is Naomikins, can _you_ handle it? Can _you_ handle this for them?"

"I don't know babe" I tell him avoiding his look, not really knowing the answer. "I think I just have to try, for her...for their sake."

Cook just sits there for a second, his eyes lowered, then he took a deep breath and began his story.

***

The bus journey back is a miserable one, I manage to text Emily and ask her to pick me up at the bus station, I get a swift reply. I don't respond, can't really. If I have to I'll blame it on the network.

He's told me everything that happened, how he followed Foster from the shed, how he broke in, what he found, what he heard, what he did. It's all too much, it's a burden I don't fucking need and now I've got to decide whether Katie and Effy should know the truth. I can't bear this, it's not me, it's not the sort of thing I do, I'm not good at it. I'm having enough problems coming to terms with this 'new' fucking me, without having this pressure as well. Why the fuck did I volunteer to do this?

I know the reason, and I hope she's waiting for me.

I can't help but replay what Cook has said to me, over and over again. In all honesty it's not a lot more than we've pieced together from what the police have said, but its worse now. It's more personal, this came from Cook and he wouldn't lie; not about this.

He told me what John Foster said to him, every last word. I'm scared that Effy will go under when she hears it was all about her, that Freddie was killed to keep him away from her; because he wasn't good enough, Cook wasn't good enough, no one was good enough for Effy, no one but him. Only Dr _fucking_ Foster believed he was good enough for Effy, and he was ready to kill for her.

How do you tell someone that fragile that their boyfriend died for them, was killed for them, without killing them as well?

How do you cope with having that pressure on your shoulders?

***

I trudge off the bus and see her, see the familiar orange scooter covered with drawings and graffiti, streamers and rabbit ears. She waves and I walk over my heart lifting a little as she grins at me, holding out my orange helmet.

"You ok hun?" she asks as I get closer. I nod, unconvincingly it seems as I'm pulled into a hug. "You don't look ok Naoms." '_Fuck'_

"I'm feeling better now babe," I manage to say as I wrap my arms around her slender figure. "Do me a favour?"

She leans back and looks deep into my eyes; I can feel the prickling as tears begin to flow all over again.

"If I can," she replies smiling.

"Just hold me." I sob, finally falling apart, unwrapped by those big brown orbs. "I just need you to hold me, just for a while."

She grabs me tighter, pulling me close into her. I just need her to hold me to make all this go away, if only for a second. To lose myself in her embrace.

"That I can do babe, for as long as you need."

***

We ride back home in silence. I don't feel like talking; don't feel like smiling if the truth be told. I'm feeling better but still a bit fucked up. The journey isn't helping, I just want to hold on for dear life as Ems jinks and weaves through the afternoon traffic. Eventually we pull up at the house.

"You can let go now hun, we're home."

I open my eyes, "Really? We made it back alive?" My attempt at levity, barely.

She slides off the scooter and Gibbs-slaps me, it's ok the helmet took most of the force. Smiling a little I allow her to drag me up the path and through the door.

"You OK now?" she asks as we take off the helmets and fluff up our helmet-hair.

"Yeah, better now. Tough afternoon. Heard a lot of things I'd rather not remember."

"How is Cook?"

"Shit really, I think he's having a tough time. Trying to put a brave face on things though I think."

I walk into the living room and freeze; there are two sets of eyes on me. Just staring at me, disbelief and anger showing through the looks.

"So I take it he explained things, what did he...."

She broke off as she came into the room, saw Katie and Effy sat on the sofa just glaring at me.

"Shit."

"**Fucking right '**_**shit'**_** Emily**." Katie yelled "**What the fuck**? You went to see Cook and didn't tell us?"

"No Katie," I find myself saying, "_I_ went to see Cook, _I_ didn't tell you. Don't shout at Emily. It's not her fault."

She just fixed me with a glare; one of those glares you think could kill you.

"Well?"

Effy this time, she looks pretty mad too. Guess I've fucked up again. Jesus, who'd be me?

"Fucking hell guys leave her _alone_. Naomi, stop trying to protect me. It was _our_ decision not to tell you. You've both been so fucked up we didn't want to get your hopes up over nothing. Sorry you had to find out this way but it was for your own fucking good. Didn't see either of you two traipsing across the countryside to go see Cook. Fucking appreciate it ok?"

They look stunned. Ems is stood there with a look of thunder on her face; fuck she looks pissed off. She's knocked everyone off their stride, even me. I lean over and put my arm around her, stroking her shoulder gently before she explodes.

"Thanks babe. You shouldn't yell you know."

She looked across at me still seething, "and why not?" She demanded haughtily.

"Because people might think you're Katie, and that really wouldn't do." I smiled at her squeezing her shoulder. She let out a long breath and relaxed slightly. "There that's better," I said, "Now if people would stop shouting for one second we might be able to explain."

We all breathed for a second or two, I watched Katie slump back into the sofa and smile as Effy patted her on the knee.

"Nice to have you back Katie," I remarked, "I've missed you."

She glared at me again, "What? What the fuck are you on about Campbell?" she snapped.

"I think Naomi means she's missed your polite demeanour and your elegant turns of phrase Katiekins. I think she's implying in her own unique way that you've not been yourself recently."

"Missed you as well Eff."

The tension hung over the room for a second before Emily started sniggering, then without warning we were all laughing. Even Katie managed a laugh, though she still looked angry. I walked over to the sofa and hugged her.

"Meant it you know? I missed having the old Katie about. Who the fuck else am I going to get my masochistic kicks off now Ems adores me all over again and will defend my honour to her dying breath?"

"Fuck off Campbell."

I look over surprised only to see Emily smiling at me. I stick my tongue out at her, "see you do sound like her when you're angry."

I'm slapped on the back of the head…again! Fucking Katie…

"Ow, fuck off, the pair of you."

"Aw, poor Naomi, feeling victimised are you?"

Yeah, actually that's exactly how I'm feeling and I tell Effy exactly that. They do nothing but laugh at me. I decide to play along a bit and flounce out of the room and into the kitchen. I really need a drink and I assume they want me to talk to them. I can wait. Question is can they?.

***

It doesn't take long before Emily slinks into the room, slipping in behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Hi Katie," I say by way of greeting resulting in a squeeze and a snigger.

"Got some of that to share?" she asked nodding at the open bottle of wine on the side.

"Help yourself."

"You know they're both waiting for you don't you?"

I just smiled as she poured four glasses…hang on four glasses.

"Ems, you may not have noticed but I've got a glass."

"Well duh, I'm not blind you know. Katie's rung Karen; we thought that she'd want to hear anything Cook told you."

"Ems, about that. Cook told me something pretty awful, told me something about Effy, I'm not sure I should tell her, if I _can_ tell her."

"What in case I go mad again?"

I turned to see Effy stood in the doorway; I don't know why I'm surprised really. For the last two years she seems to just appear from out of nowhere, like a fucking Ninja, just as something important is being said; especially when it's between me and Emily.

"Erm, No, no...No..."

"Yes" she finished for me, "Heard it before Campbell remember?"

Fair cop.

"So what is this awful thing that will throw me over the edge into insanity? Can you tell me now so I don't flip publically in front of everyone else?"

We just stare at her, she raises an eyebrow at me questioningly; suddenly there's a knock at the door.

"Saved by the bell Naomi, that'll be Karen," and with that she walks off to let her in.

Shit, why fucking me?

***

An hour later and I'm feeling like I'm in the fucking dock. I've told the story to them exactly as Cook told it to me. I've changed not one thing. Katie and Effy are clinging to each other on the sofa, eyes red. Karen looks like someone has punched her in the guts. Even Emily is crying and I'm just sat here answering every question I can holding on to Ems hand as she sits at my feet.

Eff I don't know what he meant, Cook just told me what he said."

"Karen he never mentioned a body, Cook doesn't know what Foster did with Freddie. Do you think he wouldn't have told the police by now?"

"Katie I don't know... I've told you everything Cook told me."

It's starting to get to me, it's hard enough to even tell them about this, but to see the accusing eyes every time I couldn't answer their questions was hurting. I'd done this for them and now all they want to do is interrogate me and think that I'm lying when I don't answer them. They don't say anything, but I can tell. I can see it written all over their faces, they're disappointed, and angry and I can't do this anymore, I just can't. Tears running down my face I let rip, all of the tension, all of the frustration all of the hurt.

"LOOK, I can't tell you any more, I don't know any more I wasn't _fucking_ there OK! I'm sorry I'm not John Foster, I'm sorry I'm not James Cook, I CAN'T FUCKING TELL YOU ANYTHING ELSE. NOW, FUCKING.... ARGH, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Crushed and heartbroken I jump up and run, head out through the door and run over to the park. I stop under the tree by the mural; hands trembling I drag a box from my pocket, manage to light a cigarette and take a drag. Better, calmer. Inhale, exhale - that's all I need to do. Wipe my eyes, everything will be fine.

I'm halfway down the cigarette when I feel arms slip around my waist. I stand there looking over at the city, thinking about the last time I was here, with Cook doing much the same feeling lost, miserable, broken. I get a squeeze from the arms.

"Thanks Ems, but you should go back you know? Guests and all that."

"Wrong twin Campbell, thought you'd know us apart by now."

I leap out of her grasp like I've been scalded.

"What the fuck? Katie, fuck off, just leave me alone!" I'm deliberately averting my eyes, staring resolutely at the city below.

"No I won't _fuck off_ Naomi. Look I've come to apologise; I, _we_, were a bit hard on you in there. But you've got to understand you're our only link. You're the only person that can tell us what Cook said."

"and I did Katie, all right? I've told you it over and over again. I've had to have this shit in my fucking head all fucking day. Had to wonder if you or Effy could cope with it, worry if Effy could survive knowing that bastard killed Freddie over her. Do you have any fucking idea how hard this was. Is?"

"No, and I'm sorry Naomi I really am. Look, come back in. I promise we won't ask you anything else."

I sigh, "You can't promise that Katie, you know you can't, you all want answers. I know you can't help yourselves. I'm sure I'd be the same if I was in your shoes. But there's nothing else for me to say."

I paused and threw away the cigarette reaching into the pack and grabbing another. "Give me a few minutes yeah? I'll come back in; I'll go over everything Cook said one more time, I'll try my best. OK? I just need a bit of time. This isn't fucking easy for me, just need to be alone."

I close my eyes and light the cigarette taking another deep drag. It's my one real vice at the moment. I'm cutting back on the booze and holding off on the drugs. But I do love my fags, especially at times like these. I feel her arms slip around me again and squeeze me.

"It's ok Katie, I said I'll be fine, I'll come back in a minute."

"Wrong twin Campbell, thought you'd know us apart by now."

I'd know that husky voice anywhere, I smile and lean back into the hug.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself, you feeling better?"

"Not really."

"They don't mean it you know, they're all a bit upset."

"I know, I'll apologise when I come in, it just got a bit much you know? Too much shit in my head with nowhere to go but out I'm afraid."

"Yeah, you know about that," she said slipping around so that she could face me. "You shouldn't bottle it all up you know? You should try to let it all go. Sometimes you need an emotional release or you'll just explode."

I looked down at her, big brown eyes, button nose, red lips, just beautiful. She looks back up at me and in a heartbeat we're both sniggering. I toss away my half smoked cigarette and flick her on the nose with a finger.

"Bitch," I say through laughs, "Come on then Miss Fitch, you'd better lead me back to my executioners."

***

We've sat and spoke for what feels like hours, thankfully this time most of the questions were aimed at the group, not all at me. The only problem is they're trying to work out the impossible, they're trying to get into the mind of a killer and they can't. You just can't do it. they're throwing around theories, little more than fantasies disguised as facts and they're getting nowhere. I've really had enough but no one wants to let it go. I feel like a toy in a terrier's mouth, battered and shaken. All I want now is to be left alone but they won't; can't. They can't let go of what I've told them. Won't stop grilling me.

Eventually however, when the endless questioning pauses Karen stands and faces me.

"Naomi, thanks for what you did. I really appreciate it. I need to get home, need to tell Dad what Cook said."

"You want us to call you a cab Karen," Emily asks, "It's getting late."

Karen smiles, I don't really know her but I'm definitely warming to her, she seems nice. A bit shallow, a bit too clichéd but genuine and I like that.

"I'll be fine thanks, I think I need to walk and it's not really that far. Thanks for everything guys, I'll call if I hear anything OK?"

There's the usual hugs all around and she's gone. I don't have a clue what she's going through. I wish I could have done more for her.

Katie stands, "Right who's for a drink then?" Effy winks at her, Emily just nods, Katie looks at me.

"Not for me, done for the day."

I really _do_ want a drink, I just don't know what will happen if I start. I'm feeling the urge to drown myself in alcohol and I don't want to go there again.

"Lightweight."

Yeah whatever, I just smile and nod let her think that. It's better than the alternative. _'Hi, I'm Naomi and I'm terrified I'm becoming an alcoholic, terrified that every time things go bad I head for the bottle and dive in.'_ No, I'm not going down that road. Can't go down that road.

Katie's headed into the kitchen and I can hear her bustling around. Emily looks up at me from where she's been sitting at my feet.

"You hungry babe? You haven't eaten all day."

I shake my head, "No appetite hun, think I'm just going to go to bed."

She just looks at me, her eyes full of concern. I smile, trying to make it reach up to my eyes. I fail miserably. I hope she doesn't notice, know she probably will. I just hope I can sleep tonight, hope for the first time in a week that I don't dream, think about the easy way of making that happen...just for one night.

One last night of dreamless sleep won't hurt, will it.

***

_**Later that Evening - Emily**_

Is it wrong to hate your sister, to hate your friends?

Is it wrong to hate your girlfriend for putting herself through hell for other people?

I'm scared shitless at the moment and I've got no-one to turn to. Everything is falling apart around me just as it came back together; and I've got no idea how to fix it. Katie's a mess, Effy's not much better and Naoms' looks like she's falling apart. It's hard for me to watch someone that has always seemed so strong, so tough just collapse all over again.

Today's been rough on her, there's no doubt about that. But I think it's more than that; it's been days of this, dealing with all of this; Effy, Katie, even me. I know I'm hurting her, hurting us but I'm trying to keep it all in, it's just, Katies my sister...my twin sister and I hate seeing her like this. I guess the pressure has been building ever since Effy told us. I wonder if Naomi's been trying to hide it, you just don't see her explode like that. You just don't, I'm worried.

She's told us everything that Cook said, I've no doubt about that, I watched her cringe visibly when Eff broke down at her words, crush my hand in hers as Effy sobbed when Nai told her Freds had been murdered because of Fosters obsession with her. I think I watched a little part of my girl die just then.

It's so fucked up, it's only been days since she finally let down her barriers to me and now this has happened and I'm scared she's got no defences left to shield her from it all. It's not fucking fair that she's had to take all of this on her shoulders. This is a time when we are supposed to be happy, planning our future looking forward to our holiday, to our new life.

So why aren't we? Yeah, yeah, I know shit happens.

She's been crying again, she's snuck off to bed and she's been lying here alone crying. I can tell from her face, tear tracks streaked through her make up, her eyes red and puffy. Her pillow soaked. The guilt racks through me, I've been so concerned over Katie and Effy that I haven't been up here to check she's ok; see if she needed me, like she so obviously did.

All I can do is curl up next to her and wrap my arms around her sleeping frame, hoping that she'll realise I'm here, that I'm here for _her_. That I love her.

I kiss the side of her head and tell her just that, hoping that it will drift into her dreams and make her better. She rolls over and I pray that I haven't woken her up; she turns into my hug and mutters in her sleep. There's a soft thud from her side of the bed, something has fallen onto the floor, within seconds I know what it was. My nose wrinkles at the smell on her breath, I've smelt this before, several hundred times it feels; the sweetly alcoholic smell of cheap vodka.

She's drunk herself to sleep again, crying her eyes out, all alone.

I hug her tightly to me twisting myself to fit as tightly as I can against her body. I'm not going to let this go any further; I'm not going to lose her again, not like this.

It ends…tomorrow.


	8. Home Truths, Hearthache and Hamlet

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent. Certainly nothing to do with Skins.

**Chapter 8 – Home Truths, Heartache and Hamlet**

_Emily_

The sun beats in through the open windows and wakes me with a jolt of pain. I wake up alone. It's not the first time and it won't probably be the last, but this one hurts more than usual.

Last night Naomi needed me and I wasn't there for her, not until it was too late, and I'm too late now.

Obviously she's up, probably downstairs or at work; Naomi's got herself a job at the local supermarket. Filling shelves and being the general dogsbody, it's taking her away from me but she's doing it for us. I'm disappointed she hasn't woken me though; sometimes she cares just a little too much. I roll over and grab her pillow, suddenly distracted by the small yellow note stuck to it.

"_Hi babe, I've gone to work, but will be back soon, only in half a day today. Want do something later? ;-)"_

Things like that make it all worthwhile you know? I do want to do something later; I want to have a long chat.

One hot shower and I'm feeling a lot better, ready to face the world. I walk downstairs and find Eff and Katie having breakfast in the kitchen sat next to each other chatting over a magazine.

"Aw sweet..." I say as I enter the room. Katie looks horrified...interesting...Effy just smiles, not her usual smirk but a tired smile, a genuine one.

"Morning Emily, sleep well?"

"Not really," I find myself replying.

"Me neither, too many things to think about."

"Yeah," I nodded, _'but not the same things' _I thought to myself, the half empty bottle of vodka I found under the bed this morning still firmly in my mind.

"Naomi's gone to work," Effy continued, "Says she'll be back around lunchtime. Told me that I was to tell you that she loves you and she'll see you later."

"What did you say to that?" I asked Effy went to answer but then:

"_I _told her Effy's not a fucking blackboard Ems and that if she cared that much she should wake you up and tell you herself."

"Nice, thanks Katie, fuck her up some more why don't you?" I sigh and flop into the chair.

"I was only joking Ems," Katie replied quickly, "she even laughed about it OK!" I just glared at her, Jesus she could be insensitive sometimes.

"Trouble in paradise Ems?" Effy asked.

"No, well yes, maybe...I don't know. I'm worried about her that's all."

"Why, because she was an emotional train-wreck yesterday?"

"Pretty much."

"Come on Ems, you can talk to us you know. I know I've been a bit self absorbed this last week, but I'm still your sister. I haven't stopped caring you know."

I sighed; perhaps I did need to get this out, talk it through before I landed something else onto Naomi's shoulders, see if it wasn't just me being over the top, test the waters.

"It's fucking her up all of this; I know it is. Yesterday really screwed her over. You should have seen her at the bus station after she visited Cook; she looked crushed, like her fucking life had just ended; all she wanted me to do was hold her, practically begged me to.

She cares so much, she pretends she doesn't but she does. She hated having to talk to you all last night. She nearly broke my fingers when she told you about what Foster said, why he did it. That's what she didn't want to tell you Eff, I know it was; she didn't know if she could put you through that..."

They're just looking at me; guess they don't know what to say.

"...and last night she went to bed, sobbed her fucking heart out all alone and drank half a bottle of vodka because of it...and the worst of it is I wasn't there..._I wasn't fucking there_. I was down here, with you two and, and I should have been with her... I could have stopped her doing it...I can't face seeing her like that again, I just can't..."

I'm crying now, fighting the words through sobs. I'd hoped I'd never have to cry over her ever again, for any reason, but I can't help it. Feelings of fear, guilt and anger at myself are flooding through me and I can't help crying. I missed the signs, I'm such a twat.

"It's not fucking fair; we're supposed to be happy. This was our second chance at being happy."

"It is your second chance Ems," Effy said wrapping her slender arms around my neck, "I'm sorry I laid this on you, on both of you. You're right it wasn't fair - me coming here that night, coming back here because I can, because you both let me and it's the one place I feel really wanted. It's my fault; I'm to blame not you. I should have been able to deal with it myself and not dragged you two through my fucking messed up life."

I'm shaking my head and protesting at this, that's not right.

"If she's a wreck then she needs you. She probably thinks you're pulling away from her that's all; knowing her she probably blames herself."

She paused for a second, that fucking enigmatic Effy Stonem face making its all knowing fucking appearance.

"I should have seen it before." She continued looking right at me, "You're too fucking nice you know that Emily? You've been so focused on looking after Katie and me that I don't think you've noticed her hurting, _we've_ not noticed it. None of us have; I'm thinking about Freddie, so is Katie and you're worried about your sister."

"She's worried about you two as well, it's not like she doesn't care." I spit it out almost accusingly

No Emily I know that, that's not what I'm saying. Katie was only saying last night how cool Nomi has been, the things that she's done for her, for us.

Like I said we've not noticed it either but it's obvious now, she's been trying to hide it all from us, from you. She's simply done a fucking good job of hiding everything that's been hurting her. I'll put money on the fact that she's been tucking it all away inside so you _can_ focus on Katie. You heard her last week; she said she'd die for you. She's probably telling herself that putting up with a little heartache so you can be there for your sister is the least can do for you."

She hugged me tightly.

"The two of you have been so lovey dovey and sweetness and light together so I'm sorry I missed it. We thought you were doing fine, Katie and I. We're probably still right. There's only a little problem here and it's easily solved Ems. What you and Naomi need is some 'you' time. Look, I'll take Katie and we'll fuck off somewhere today, we'll leave you two alone together to talk."

"Ef's right Emsy," Katie says as she wraps her arms around my waist. "I bet she'll talk to you when you're alone; and if she doesn't, tell her I'll slap her about a bit until she does."

I can't help but smile; trust Katie to know what to say. Effy just slaps her on the top of her head and frowns through a smile.

"Not helping Katiekins." She puts her head close to mine and whispers in my ear.

"Talk _to_ her Emily, don't talk _at_ her ok? Tell her what you're scared of and listen to what she says. I know you; you probably want to have a go at her over the drinking right?"

I nod sheepishly, how the fuck does she do it?

"Just remember she's hurting and it's probably our fault as much as anyone's. Go easy on her, just love her OK. Then you'll get what you want."

I think about what she's saying, I did still want to talk at her about the drinking. Perhaps she was right; we needed to talk to each other, about everything. I smile,

"You're right Eff, Katie. I know what I've got to do. But you don't have to go anywhere guys, I think I've got a better idea, somewhere better for us to go to talk, don't wait up."

For the first time this morning I'm feeling better. I've got a plan

***

I've been pacing around for the last ten minutes waiting for my fucking phone to ring. I texted Naomi asking her to call me when she gets a break and I'm wandering around the bedroom like an expectant father waiting for her to call. I've put my phone on charge twice and checked that it's not on silent every other minute. Pathetic isn't it?

Still, no call. Arrgghhhh fucking typical!

I head downstairs to make a drink; a nice cup of coffee is what's needed about now. I get one step into the kitchen and it rings, S-Club 7 blaring from upstairs and I realise I've stupidly left my phone on the bed, wanker! I throw myself up the stairs and manage to hit the green button just before the answering machine kicked in.

"Naoms, shit, you there?"

"Hey, you wanted me?"

"Always...but perhaps now's not the right time you being in work and everything."

"Funny Ems, besides I thought you'd want to see me in my sexy new uniform, you know, maybe help me take it off."

"You told me what you had to wear Naoms, nothing sexy about that." I reply laughing, "but if you're offering I have a few ideas..."

"Perv, what did you want anyway? I've only got a couple of minutes for a smoke and then I'm back to the grindstone."

She's laughing at me; well that's a good sign anyway. Time to put 'Operation Fix Campbell' into action.

"I was wondering what time you were finishing, thought I'd come pick you up, go into town shopping maybe, then off somewhere nice?"

"Sounds good babe, I finish at one, but I'll need to get cleaned up and changed before I go anywhere. See you outside at half past?"

"That's a date, I'll go get ready."

"Ems it's only half eleven, you've got ages yet."

"Yeah well, girls gotta look her best you know?"

"You always do babe, look gotta run, sorry, they're shouting me. See you later hun, love you."

"Ok, bye, love you!" I reply but I think she's already gone.

***

A few short hours later and I'm sat in the car park on the scooter, fuelled up with a bag strapped to the back. I've been here for fucking ages and still no sign of her. Worried I check my watch, _1:34_. Fucking hell, I'm just paranoid.

I'm scanning the front door, looking at the people coming in and out, watching for her to leave, when a flash of blonde catches my eye from the far side of the store. My heart lifted as I saw her stroll around the side of the store with a bunch of other people. Trust me not to realise that the staff entrance was miles away from here.

"HEY! Naomi, over here!" waving like a loon.

I watch as she says something to the others and then trots over and plants a kiss on my lips.

"Hey you." I'm distracted slightly from her kiss as I spot two of the people she walked out with leering, nudging each other and sniggering at their own jokes. Spotty fucking perverted teenage boys, Jesus, I can't understand why girls would want to be seen with them, let alone fuck them.

"How was work?" I ask trying to break my thoughts.

"Ok, never expected it to be a challenge for my obscenely talented mind, stacking shelves isn't the most interesting job, but it'll pay the bills and that's all that matters."

"The people nice?" I ask nodding across at them.

"Most of them are, had to put up with the odd lesbian dig from some of them that know us from college but it's no matter. To be honest I've had worse from Katie over the years; besides you're here now and that makes it all ok." She kissed me on the nose, "So then, what's the plan? Shopping?"

"Nope, no shopping, not today." She raised an eyebrow at me, "Yeah I know I said shopping and then somewhere nice, I thought we'd skip the shopping and just go somewhere nice."

Naomi climbed on the back of the scooter and pulled on her helmet, "Come on then Fitchy, somewhere nice eh? Just try not to disappoint me yeah?"

If it wasn't so nice to feel her hands round my waist, I'd definitely have to do something about the 'Fitchy' comment. I think this time I'll let it go…just this time though.

***

Twenty minutes later and we're stood by our lake, the sun reflecting off the water making the trees shimmer in the dappled light. We're stood in almost the same spot we did all those months ago, hand in hand just staring out at the secluded scene.

"Disappointed yet?" I ask.

"Not a bit," she replies hugging me pushing into my back as she holds me tight, "It's peaceful here, just what I needed. You, me and a little piece of serenity, far away from the madness."

"No pushing me in this time yeah?"

She just grins, "Would I do a thing like that?"

"You did last time!" I say accusingly.

"Yeah well, last time you were perving."

"What makes you think I'm not perving now?" I say, leaning my head back and fluttering my eyelashes at her. She grins again. _Right_ _decision Emily, this was the right decision_.

"I have no idea Miss Fitch, but I guess this time you're allowed."

"You're fucking right I'm allowed Miss Campbell," I exclaim, putting a hint of indignation in my voice, digging her in the ribs gently. She leans down and softly kisses the nape of my neck.

"So what was that about uniforms then Ems?"

"erm..." I blush, twisting in her grip to escape. All I manage to do is turn so she's holding me face to face, well nearly, she is a bit taller than me after all.

"No, come on; if it wasn't 'Tesco's staff member' what was it? 'Nurse' or 'police officer'?" She's fucking enjoying this, I can see it in her eyes.

"I think I saw enough of the police a week ago, I don't think you bursting into the bedroom shouting 'it's a raid' would have a positive effect on our love life. Not after the real one you know?"

She looks down at me with that knowing look on her face, "Fair enough, so what was it then? You can tell me you know!"

"Jesus Naoms it was a throw away comment yeah, I didn't mean anything by it. Fucks sake."

She looks at me the corners of her mouth twitching as she tries not to laugh. "What?" I ask a bit too quickly.

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

"Hamlet, you're quoting fucking Hamlet at me. Naomi, where the hell did that come from?"

"Don't change the subject Ems, tell me the truth." She's locked onto my eyes now, those piercing blue eyes staring deep into mine. Fucks sake, I wish I'd never dropped it into the conversation now. I'm so fucking embarrassed I just want to dig my way into the soil beneath my feet and pull it over me; but then she's known that since she started this; I fucking wish I could control my blushes, fucking wish I could resist those eyes.

"It's not a uniform ok, it nothing like that. It's, well; it's that outfit you wore in the nightclub that time, the black one with the headband."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I fucking love you in that; you look like a 1920's film star or something. Really glamorous, beautiful; pretty fucking stunning really. I wanted nothing more than to look at you in it and then help you out of it. Couldn't stop thinking about it for days afterwards. You happy now?"

I'm blushing furiously, trying to hide it with a trace of indignation. She smiles, actually looking rather flattered, "Well why didn't you just say that then? It's not wrong you know."

"Because of what happened Nai," I reply, "You never wore it again; I assumed you'd never want to wear it again."

I watch her think back to the night in question; then her face fell. _Way to go Emily, fucking ruin the moment, _I let go of her, allow her to pull away but she doesn't_._ She just held me tighter as if to reassure us both that it was ok.

"Actually no Emily, it's got nothing to do with that, with her death, that's all in the past. I just haven't been anywhere _to_ wear it that's all. But if you like me in it then I'll dust it off and put it on, anytime you like. Inside or out."

She winked at me, "I'm afraid you might have to help me put it on and take it off though, I have terrible trouble reaching the zip, and getting the seams on the stockings straight was a nightmare, but I'm sure if I asked nicely..."

She's laughing at me, probably because my eyes are popping out of my head at the thought. Naomi, that outfit, stockings. I think my brain has ceased functioning; I'm like JJ, I think I've just got locked on. She leans down and kisses me and just like that everything was all right again, for a bit.

***

A few hours later, after a swim in the, thankfully, warm water for old times' sake we're sat back in the woods by the little stream. I've brought the bag from the scooter and I've put a blanket on the ground for us to sit on. The peace is unbelievable. We haven't spoken for ages, haven't needed to. I think we're just happy to be in each other's company. I'm terrified that I'm going to ruin what we're enjoying, but I'm going to do it anyway.

"Nai, can...can we talk for a second."

She looked across at me frowning slightly, "I'm not going to like this am I Ems? I thought this was all too perfect."

"No Nai, it's nothing like that, I'm just...well, I know ok?"

"Know what Emily?"

"Know about the bottle, know what you did last night, know that you got drunk again."

She's looking down at the floor, "Look Ems it's not what you think, please don't judge me."

"Naomi, I don't think anything ok? I can't judge you. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. Sorry that I wasn't there for you, sorry that I haven't been there for you. I should have come up to see you last night after you went to bed and I didn't, too fucking obsessed with my fucking sister that I forgot, have been forgetting about you."

It's coming out in bursts like vomit, and like vomit it's leaving a putrid taste in my mouth but it's got to be said, I've got to let her know how sorry I am.

"I've been a cow to you again Naoms, and I'm sorry. I never realised how much you were suffering and I hate myself for that. I'm fucking terrified that we're falling apart, that you're falling apart and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I'm fucking terrified that your heading back to the bottle and it's all my fault again.

I didn't realise until last night how hard this has been for you, how fucked up hearing all that from Cook must have been, having to tell it to us, live through it again and again. I've been so bundled up in Katie and Effy's pain I've not noticed yours. I'm a fucking lousy girlfriend and I know it. I'm trying to put that right now. Talk to me hun, stop bottling it all up, if you can, please just talk to me."

"Ems..." I look up at her through tear filled eyes, she's crying as well, "Em's it's not your fault, never say that. It's me, it's always been me. I've been watching you hurt for the last week and it's all my fault. I've watched you look at Katie as she drinks and takes all those pills, I know it's hurting you, seeing her act like a twat, like I was and it's my fucking fault. I can't help you with her fucking pain, your pain and it's killing me, it's killing me all over again."

I can't believe this, she's blaming herself for everything, I shake my head, try to speak but she won't let me, putting her finger on my lips as I try.

"I went to see Cook most of all to see if I could help _you_, see if I could get something that would help Katie and Effy to stop _them_ hurting _you_ anymore and it was awful. I can't tell you how awful it was. To listen to your best mate tell you about those things, to hear it in his voice. I couldn't stand it."

"But why the vodka babe?" I had to ask, "Why couldn't you have called for me, talked to me?"

"You had your own problems Ems, you didn't need me dumping on you as well. I was trying to protect you from me. Katie needed you, needs you."

"But you need me as well."

She lowered her head at this, _fuck Emily talk to her not at her remember!_

"Yeah, I need you babe, more than you'll ever know. Look I'm sorry I got drunk ok, it won't happen again."

"Nai, I don't care, you can get drunk with me as many times as you like. I'm just scared ok? Scared that I've driven you back to the way you were because I was caring about the wrong people. That I forgot to care _enough_ about _you_. I thought everything was OK and I wasn't there for you and I'm so angry at myself for not seeing how upset you were, for not being there for you. For driving you away. I can't face seeing you like that again. I want you to get drunk _with_ me not _because_ of me. I just want us to be happy."

"I am happy Ems, honestly I'm happy whenever I'm with you." She took a deep breath and straightened. "You haven't driven me anywhere, not really. I drove myself, withdrew as usual. I was just trying to protect you babe, protect you from me; I never dreamt I'd be hurting you.

Look, you want the truth so here it is. I got drunk last night because I couldn't face the dreams, couldn't face the nightmares that were going to come. I'd probably have drank myself to sleep if you were in the room with me. It wasn't about you, it was all about me. That's all it was, I was trying to be brave and I failed, failed again.

I really wanted a drink when Katie asked, wanted to just get drunk and forget all about Freddie, all about Cook and Effy and Katie. I was running from the memories of what I'd just heard, what I'd just had to do."

She reached out and grasped my hand tightly.

"But Ems I _do_ need you, you were right, you are always right. I'm scared too; I'm terrified that I head for the fucking bottle when it gets hard, when I need to forget. It's scaring me to death, I...I don't want to become an alcoholic."

I fall across the blanket and grab her, hold her to me, whisper in her ear.

"That's not going to happen Naomi; we'll work through this together ok? Me and you. I fucking love you Naomi don't you ever forget that. As long as we've got that we'll be fine, I just know it. Don't be scared ok?"

"But what if it's what I do Ems, what if it's the only thing I'm able to do when life gets too shitty?"

"Nai, it's been a tough few months on both of us, I've treated you like shit and I pretty much shoved your head into that bottle and forced you to drink...no don't fucking deny it we both know it's true. That's all over now, forgotten yeah? We're together and we're going to be fine. We'll be off to Goa soon and this will all be behind us, proper new start yeah? Far away from fucking Bristol and all this shit. As long as we love each other we'll be fine, more than fine."

"I do love you, you know that?" I just nod, tears still in my eyes

"Don't ever doubt it ok?" she paused for a second raising my chin with her hand, looking into my eyes,

"Doubt thou the stars are fire. Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar. But never doubt I love."

Fucking Hamlet again, beautiful though...absolutely beautiful. I smile at her wiping away her tears with my thumbs. It's time to change the subject. I think we can move on from here.

"That's twice today Nai, what's with the Hamlet quotes?"

I've been thinking a lot about Hamlet recently, happy thoughts and sad ones.

"Tell me..."

She lay back on the blanket and stared up at the sky, I looked over her for a second before curling up next to her.

"Well, I know you like Shakespeare, know you like Hamlet only reason I paid any attention to it in class. I remember you quoting from Hamlet during the lessons with Josie. Remember you saying that quote was one of your favourites, memorised it on the spot just in case." Her lips twitched into a smile, "I remember you telling Panda that she'd got her books mixed up again."

I laughed, "God I remember that day, she thought Voldemort was in Hamlet. That was fucking brilliant. Poor old Panda." Naomi rolled over and looked at me.

"Remember anything else?" she asked, her eyes now sad

"I remember you talking about wanking. You were looking across at Effy when you said it. I remember being a bit jealous."

"Yeah? Why?"

"Because you were looking at Effy, duh. We'd kissed at Panda's party and then you were ignoring me and suddenly you're, like, looking at fucking Effy, winking and talking about wanking. I was jealous, sue me."

"Soliloquising Ems, I was talking about soliloquising and I wasn't talking to Effy, I was talking to Freddie. Effy had just started stroking his hand and he was just so shocked it was funny. I kind of knew what he was feeling, so I said what I said and it's _so_ fucked up now."

I'm trawling back through my head to remember what she said, but it's no use. All I can remember is how she looked at Effy and the wanking comment, shit, useless fucking memory, it's so fucking selective. Good things and bad things and nothing in between

"Sorry babe, I don't remember what else you said, what was so bad it's got you upset?"

"I said that he ends up so boring, that somebody has to kill him. Can you believe I said that, to Freddie - un-fucking-believable."

I run that around in my head for a second. Did she actually just say that? Seriously? I can't believe it. I'm trying so hard not to laugh; no really, it's fucking stupid.

"So let me get this straight Naomi, you're blaming yourself for Fred's death because you made a comment about Hamlet in a class over a fucking year ago?"

Those eyes again, fuck me I do believe she's actually fucking serious.

"Jesus Naomi, do you want to blame yourself for global warming as well, I mean you used a deodorant this morning didn't you? Perhaps you should beat the shit out of me for riding a scooter, I must have single handedly destroyed the planet with my selfishness."

Her mouth twitched, "Fuck you're a lump sometimes, do I have to slap you out of this fucking martyr complex you've got?"

She just shrugged. That's it, I can't help laughing, it's so fucking ridiculous it's untrue, but it's so like her.

"It's not funny Ems." She sounds affronted. I roll on top of her, propping myself up on my elbows still laughing.

"It is you know: it's fucking hilarious. You really are a dippy bitch you know that. Seriously how the fuck did you pass your 'A' levels with top marks?"

"Fuck you; I'll have you know people think I'm clever."

"Cook thinks you're clever Nai. However, for someone so clever you show a remarkable lack of common sense babe," I reply as I kiss her on the forehead.

"I can't help it at the moment. Can't stop thinking about it. I know I'm a twat but I can't help it. Can't stop my mind playing all of this shit through."

"D'you know I've got the best cure in the world for an active mind?" I say.

"Yeah?"

I lean down and kiss her seriously,

"Definitely!"

***

We're sat on our blanket with a large fleece thrown over our shoulders just watching the sun set over the trees, its light bathing us in a warm orange glow. It's like there's only the two of us in the entire world, there's no sounds around us but the evening song of the birds as they get ready to roost and the soft wind whispering through the trees.

"Ems?" I look round to the girl at my side. "Thanks for this, for all of this. I can't tell you what a relief it is, to get it all off my chest."

I hug her, there's no need for words.

"Don't suppose you've got any food in that bag? I haven't eaten for two days and I'm suddenly fucking starving."

Shit, I'd not even thought about that, "Erm..."

"Do you think we could get pizza delivered out here?" she said seeing my face and grabbing her phone, "where the fuck do I tell them to come?"

"I don't think you'll get anyone to deliver out here babe, it is a bit off the beaten track."

"Right then," she said standing up suddenly and dragging me to my feet. "As much as I love this place, love being here with you, take me home Emily Fitch, I want sofa, pizza and you."

"In that order?" I ask laughing at her.

"Not necessarily" she replied, "it usually takes them twenty minutes to deliver that pizza and with any luck I'll have worked up a proper appetite by then."

.

.

**Authors Note – **Aw, isn't that better? Did you want to just smack their heads together and tell them to sort it out? I know I did, perhaps I should have just indulged myself and took out my S4 frustrations here...but I'm glad I didn't. And yes, I know it's a total cliché to bring the lake into things, sorry but it's important and yes it will be back again later along with one more famous Skins location, if you don't like it [blows raspberry].

Sorry it's a long chapter guys, I know people don't seem to appreciate my long winded drivel but there's so much to put in here and I couldn't break it into two chapters because it doesn't work like that. Think the next few will be shorter and more fun possibly a few more Fitch hugs for _AL_ I really must bring Rob back...he rocks! Oh and _Mari1202_, hope it was worth it, uphill from now on yeah? Sort of anyway..._Stunty_, tell me if you were clever enough to spot it _***before***_ you read this yeah? (-:

Now without wanting to become a review whore if you could find the time to tell me if this is working for you I'd appreciate it, I've got the working weeks from hell coming up and it's going to be tough to find time to write and your support and encouragement might just give me something to cheer me up. It was going to be Katie's bit next but she's going to have to wait, Emily's had too much time here and Nai is jealous and wants her say in Chapter 9. Wish me luck for when I have to break it to the HBIC (-;


	9. Scooters, Surprises and Sweets

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent, (down from severe OK?). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame)

**Chapter 9 – Scooters, Surprises and Sweets**

_Naomi_

'_Life is good and so am I.' _

Have you ever noticed how much better everything is when your life is pretty much sorted? Smells are stronger, colours are more vivid, things are just, well, brilliant.

One afternoon, one long chat, one session of mind blowing sex and one opportunity to relax, to get away from the last week of hell. I'm feeling better than I've felt for days. It's not all sweetness and light but my head's a little straighter and that'll do for now. Emily given me a talking to, made me realise a few things and I can't tell you how happy I am about it. In fact I'm so happy I'm not even that nervous about Ems' driving as we whip through the country lanes from the lake heading home.

She is just fucking amazing, somehow she seems to know exactly what I'm thinking and what I need. She's also probably the only person I know that's capable of making me feel better when she's ripping strips off me for my stupidity, anyone else would still get the full on ice-queen treatment if they tried. I'm not sure if it's just her, or it's a result of being in love or a combination of the two but it's true…and yes I know I have become a soppy bastard and frankly I don't care.

Actually it doesn't matter if I do care, I just can't help myself these days.

I don't know how or when she came up with going to the lake to get away from things but I'm glad she did. I'm even glad we had our little chat, no matter how hard and tearful it was. I've seen the light at the end of the tunnel today, and I'm feeling that wonderful feeling of connectedness with her. The one I'd lost, got back and was starting to lose again. Until today.

Life is indeed good. I'm sat on the back of her insane scooter, arms wrapped around her, hanging on for dear life as we corner and I'm actually loving every minute of it. Her hair is hanging free from the bottom of her helmet and I'm knocked senseless by its smell, by its colour. It's like I'm seeing it for the first time and I can't help leaning in and pushing my face against it as we travel on this two wheeled magic carpet ride.

"_Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!_" She yells happily as we plummet down an steep incline in the road, throttle wide open. Ok we aren't really going that fast but she seems to be enjoying it.

"I fucking _love_ this!" she shouts, "It's like being totally free! YEAHHHHH!" She's punching the air with her free hand.

I'm suddenly not feeling quite so free, my empty stomach is churning a little, especially as we wobble a bit as a result of her one-handed grip on the handlebars, but she's so happy I'm not going to ruin the mood.

"I love you," I shout towards her ear, perhaps caught up just a little in her obvious exhilaration.

"What?"

"I said, I love you."

"Can't hear you Nai." she shouted over her shoulder, "too much wind noise."

I'm not sure if she's teasing me to make me say it again or genuinely can't hear me. I can hear her but only just, so I give her the benefit of the doubt. Fuck it, never mind the danger; I lean forwards, my head over her shoulder so our faces are practically level.

"I said. _I_ _love_ _you_, you fucking _maniac_."

Note to self, don't do that again, not when we're driving anyway.

She's slammed on the brakes, nearly throwing me off the damned machine and pulled us to a standstill right in the middle of the lane. Before I can complain about the sudden manoeuvre she's turned around on the seat and slammed her lips onto mine kissing me with a passion that's almost painful. Especially as our helmets keep hitting.

Kissing in open face helmets is something that should be undertaken with a little care…trust me on this.

"Jesus Ems," I splutter as she releases me, "don't mind the sentiment but bit of warning would be good. I nearly went over the handlebars then."

She looks like a five year old that's just been told off, "Sorry hun, just kind of - had to, you know?"

I carefully press my face against hers, slowly kissing her, savouring every moment, every movement.

"S'ok babe, just remember you scare the shit out of me when I'm on the back of this thing. Bit of a control freak remember?

Plus it's kind of tough to concentrate on the road when I'm forced to hold you this tight."

"We're not going that fast Nai; you don't _have_ to hold on so tightly you know."

"Oh yes I do," I reply kissing her once again, "it's too good an opportunity to resist."

***

We've pulled up at the house and not a moment too soon. I'm seriously hungry and not just for the pizza, wings, garlic bread and ice cream meal deal we've promised ourselves.

Before I know it I'm being dragged into the house and once my helmet is off I find myself pushed up against the wall roughly by a surprisingly fiery redhead.

"Ems, at least let's order food first, "I say before she silences me with a kiss, dragging my head down to meet hers.

"If it's food you want love, I can always cook. Or order in if you're too busy."

We break apart suddenly at the voice. For one brief second I'm slightly stunned before I realise who is speaking.

"Mum, you're back!" I shout excitedly, I can't help it. Breaking away from Emily I run over and pull her into a hug. Yeah I know it's not like me but I've changed recently remember? Besides, I really have missed her.

"Of course I am dear," she replied in that tone that only mothers have, "or I wouldn't be offering to sort out food for you both." She turned to a sheepish looking Emily, "Hello Emily dear, I take it you've been looking after my daughter whilst I've been away."

Ems is blushing and looking at her feet, I'm not sure if it's due to her being embarrassed at my mother's directness or at the fact that we've had the worst time ever whilst she was away. I lean over and drag Ems into the hug.

"Course she has mum, don't know what I'd do without her."

"That's nice dear," she replied, "she's forgiven you for being a twat then?"

I just stared at her, stared at Emily who shook her head slightly her eyes telling me she's got no idea either.

"Mothers know these things Naomi, mothers just know. Remember that. So Emily, have you forgiven her for being a twat then?"

"Of course I have Gina, that's all in the past and we've been equally twattish to be honest. We're completely happy together now. Can't you tell?"

"Well I wasn't sure if you were preparing to snog her, punch her or both when you first walked in Emily dear so I thought I'd check."

That's my mother, the one with the tact-bypass surgery; I think we're both blushing.

"So are you girls going to let me buy you dinner somewhere so we can catch up?"

"Well we were just going to order pizza mum, but whatever. Where's Kieran?"

"He's at his flat making sure it's all right dear, I said we'd go out for a family meal somewhere nice when he gets here, as long as you two want to join the old people."

"We'd love to Gina," Emily interrupts, "as long as you don't think we'll be in the way of you two lovebirds."

Mum blushed; fuck me, my mum actually fucking blushed. Go Ems!

"No Emily dear, besides we've got months of holiday talk to bore the two of you with and I'm in the mood for a slap up meal."

"Settled then," I decide, "can't wait to hear about India, we're heading there in a month or so. Goa."

"Really dear, what about University?"

"Deferred mum, I got jealous of your wandering so I decided to give into my hippy genes and go travelling. I don't enrol until next autumn."

She looks at us appraisingly, "what about your studies Emily?"

"I was always planning to go take a gap year Gina, so my Uni place is already sorted for next year."

'_Really.'_ I thought '_Now that's the first I heard of that'_. I look down at her my eyebrow raised.

"Christ Naoms, I told everyone in the pub where I was going, remember? When we were reading out our results. I've got a place studying English Language & Communication at Kings College."

"Kings College London; _really_?" I ask stunned. To be honest if I heard, I don't remember. I was totally out of it that day. After all if you can't get drunk celebrating grade A - 'A' Levels when can you? Plus I was an 'A' Grade student at getting pissed then as well.

"Yeah, I told everyone that, how wasted were you Naoms?"

I have no idea, there was an awful lot of lager on that table that day and I'm sure I'd drunk a fair bit of a hidden bottle of vodka and smoked a joint or two as well.

"Wasted enough not to realise we'd be neighbours Ems." I lift her from her feet in a hug and spun her round before kissing her soundly, "That's fucking marvellous news."

"Neighbours?" she's looking at me with her best puzzled face on, nose scrunched up in what I had always found to be an adorable manner.

"Neighbours Em, I got in at Goldsmiths, in fucking _London_." I can't help grinning.

She hit me, "Why the fuck didn't you tell me? I've been terrified that you were going to be miles away from me for the next three years. I thought you hadn't told me where you were going because it was far away from London. I thought you'd got in at Liverpool or Manchester or somewhere."

"Erm, I didn't tell you because you didn't ask and I didn't know where _you_ were going, had no idea at all," I say flicking away her slappy hands. "Thought it could wait till next year you know? Why spoil what we have? Carpe Diem and all that."

"Fucks sake, I'm so mad at you now...no fuck it I'm not mad. Fucking hell Naomi why do you do this to me?"

"You're not happy then?" I ask, deflating a little.

"Of course I'm fucking happy you _Muppet_, I'm just annoyed I was worrying over nothing. It's fucking perfect." She wraps her arms about my neck and kisses me pushing me up against the wall again. I have to admit I'm more than a little relieved.

We're separated by a small _'hem'_ from mum. I'd already forgotten she was there.

"Well then looks like we have more things to celebrate then girls, time to get ready I think. Kieran's been going on about his favourite Lebanese restaurant ever since Thailand and it's supposed to be lovely. I think we should eat, drink and have a fucking good time the four of us, so look smart and dress nicely."

"No problems mum," I say looking down at Em, "I've got the perfect outfit."

***

Half an hour, one fight over who's first in the shower, (yeah you guessed it, she won, I always felt guilty about all the times she told me Katie stole all their hot water), and a lot of teasing later Ems and I are ready to face the world. I've not put on my LBD; I'm a bit paranoid that it would be slightly overdressing for just dinner, so we've both gone smart casual. OK I've gone smart casual, Ems has gone smart. I know this because she's spent the last five minutes telling me my jeans and linen shirt combo is scruffy. I'm not listening, it's smart and it's casual and good enough for me. As we head downstairs I can hear mum talking to Kieran.

"The girls are getting ready now love, so get the taxi to come by and pick us up. No we're not fucking walking to meet you. Pick us up you daft Irish clot or there'll be no potatoes in your future."

I can't hear the reply but she's laughing as we walk into the room. "See you in ten then dear, the girls are here so fuck off there's a love."

"I can see where you get that romantic nature from now Naoms," Ems says smiling at Gina.

"Oh yes, she's her mother's daughter indeed. Even to the extent of opening up our house like a 'fucking commune' I understand."

Shit! I'd forgotten about Katie and Effy. "Er, mum...I can explain..."

"It's my fault Gina," Emily interrupted, "Katie needed somewhere to stay and I thought whilst you were away..."

"Emily, I love you like a daughter, but please don't make up stories on my behalf. I am actually pretty proud of her for doing it so please, don't spoil it for me."

She turned slightly and looked me in the eye, "It was a good thing you did Naomi, opening up your home to a friend in need like that, that's the daughter I tried to raise." She looked back at Ems, "I guess I have you to thank for it dear."

"Mum." I can't help interrupting the sickly smiles between the two of them. "How the fuck do you know so much? How long have you been home?"

"Me? Only a few hours love, but I did meet a delightful young lady who I'm afraid to say I totally mistook for Emily here when I got home."

"You met Katie?"

"Oh yes, we had a lovely conversation, she filled me in on everything; how you two had a falling out, how you'd just got back together and were blissfully happy. Told me all about your family Emily dear, why she was here. That's terrible news by the way, just terrible. Wish I hadn't sold the old house, there'd have been enough room for all of us there."

Oh yeah, I can just imagine it. It would have been bad enough with Jenna Fitch under _our_ roof, but Jenna Fitch _and_ my mum in the same house...well let's just say I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have got on.

"Anyway, Katie told me about you inviting her to stay. She's a lovely girl you know Naomi, sad though, not the utterly psychotic bitch you made her out to be."

I blush as Emily looks at me, "Yeah well, she's grown on me. To be fair mum she did make my life hell for years at school, and out of school come to think of it. Plus she's going through a rough time at the moment so you're seeing a different side of her."

Pain lances through my side as Emily digs me with her elbow, fuck that's bony, it's like being knifed with a stiletto.

"What?" I exclaim indignantly.

"That's my sister Naoms."

"Yeah, and even you think she's a bitch most of the time."

"Well I think she's lovely, and I told her she's welcome to stay here as long as she likes. She's out with her friend Elizabeth at the moment; they said you two would want some space this evening and that they'd be staying at Elizabeth's tonight. In fact I feel a little guilty about dragging you away but I couldn't wait to see you any longer."

I'm a bit confused now, "But mum aren't you coming home? I thought you'd want your room back?"

"No dear, not just yet anyway. I'm going to stay with Kieran at his flat now his lodger has moved out, and then I'm going to Ireland for a few weeks to meet his family."

"Wow, that's a big step. When's the wedding?" I'm joking, then the realisation hits me, "You _aren't_ getting married are you?"

Thankfully she shakes her head at me, laughing at my reaction. I mean I like Kieran, he's a good laugh and mum is actually happy with him - fuck knows she needs some happiness after years of putting up with me. But Kieran as my dad? Nope, definitely _not_ ready for that yet.

"I think you should consider it Gina, Kieran's' a good catch and you are good together."

Shit. _Shut the fuck up Ems, you don't know what you're saying!_

"Well maybe one day Emily, but not just yet, we're having far too much fun for the shackles of marriage to be welded closed. Besides, as a feminist I have no interest in a ceremony that marks me as a part of her husband's property." She winked at her knowingly. _Yeah right!_

Thankfully I'm saved from this conversation by the horn of a taxi from outside; the man in question must have arrived.

***

Finally, I'm eating. Thank fuck for that!

The last fifteen minutes have been absolute hell as I've been sat at this table watching plates full of exotic food being served and the warm smells of spices waft past my starved nose. We've been chatting amiably about their holiday, but I'm slightly distracted by the food. Well I haven't eaten for two days!

I look at what's arrived and I'm positive that Kieran has ordered most of the menu. We're in a place called Sands, his favourite restaurant apparently; so we've trusted him to order what's good. It's actually quite a nice place, cosy; and it's still warm enough for us to be sat outside, tucked under a patio heater just in case it gets cold later.

I've got my mum on one side of me and Ems on the other and a large platter of hot mixed Mezza for four in front of me. There so much food on this table that even Emily is looking a little daunted.

"Kind of wish I'd not ordered dessert now." Never thought I'd hear Ems say anything like that.

"Nonsense girls," Kieran blurts out ripping apart his flatbread, "The desserts are stunning here, I'm sure you'll find room when they arrive. Besides it's all in the price." He gestured at the plates. "Well go on then, don't be standing on ceremony, get stuck in."

We don't need telling twice.

Talking, eating and drinking. It's nice, I'd normally run from this kind of event. However as I sit here, smiles all around I have one of those eureka moments again. This is the kind of family meal I'd dreamed of as a child, me my mum and a dad; with Emily next to me making it all complete. The only two people I'd ever loved sat either side of me and a man that makes my mum happy sat opposite. This is my family, all of them, the family I'd always wanted. I think it's the only one I'll ever want.

Emily leaned over to me putting her head next to mine, her hand resting gently on my thigh.

"You ok Naoms?" she asked quietly so the others couldn't hear

"I'm fine babe, why?"

"You've stopped eating and gone quiet."

"Have I? Hadn't noticed hun. Just thinking I guess. That's all." I placed my hand on hers and squeezed it gently.

"Happy thoughts I hope."

"Absolutely babe, I was just thinking how nice this is, how I'd always wanted to have meals like this you know? Family meals, happy family meals."

"So I'm part of the family now am I?" she asks softly kissing me on the cheek.

"Well duh."

I slip my arm around her and kiss her forehead. Mum and Kieran are locked in their own conversation, totally oblivious to us. I can feel myself relaxing; this is nice, really nice. Though part of me is thinking it's a bit weird to be going on a double date with my mum the other part of me is remembering it's a family meal, it just happens that the family consists of two couples in love.

Dessert arrives and we're as bad as each other. Mum is feeding Kieran, practically sat on his lap and I've insisted that Emily tries some of my Baklava as the plate that arrived would easily feed both of us. She's ordered the ice-cream; honestly sometimes she's just like a kid with things like that, she just loves ice-cream. Despite our misgivings Kieran was right, dessert is superb and I've got just a little room left for the sweet little pastries and apparently so has Em, who after demolishing her lavender ice cream is allowing me to pass her the small parcels.

I slip the sticky honey covered treat into her mouth and she licks and nibbles at my fingers as she takes it. Her eyes light up as she chews and she licks her lips. I know she's just tasting the honey there, but it's one of the most unconsciously erotic things I think I've ever seen. My mouths gone totally dry. _Fucking Hell Ems, the things you do to me._

"Mmm, that's really good, really sweet."

"That'll be the honey Ems. If you're nice to me I'll get these as a doggy bag and we can take them home. I'll feed you them in bed, keep your strength up."

I wink at her and she just looks at me, not a sign of a blush on her cheeks.

"Sounds like a plan hun, shame you're going to have to wait to find out if your devious attempts at giving me a sugar rush have worked isn't it?" She's got her hand on the top of my thigh again and she's squeezing it gently.

"Are you alright there Naomi, you're looking a little flustered so you are."

"I'm absolutely fine Kieran," I reply composing myself, ignoring Emily's smirk. "I was just saying to Ems here that I think I'll take the rest of this dessert home. Lots of sugar, good for the late night energy levels."

Her fingers dig into my thigh painfully as she flushes.

"Is that so dear?" asks my mum, "Well Kieran, shout the waiter and order another two plates to go, one each. We might as well all make use of them, isn't that right Emily?"

My turn to blush now and I do believe Kieran is joining me.

We linger over our drinks, chatting about their trip, Mum and Kieran asking about our plans for the year ahead. It's nice; mum is getting very giggly on her second bottle of wine and is clinging to Kieran's arm. Ems is sat dangerously close to me and it's only the total lack of alcohol in my system that's helping me control myself.

She's looking particularly lovely tonight in my opinion, flats, dark blue knee length skirt and a pastel blue shirt that frankly looks about two sizes too small for her. I'm not complaining mind you it's touching her body in all the right places.

"Stop staring Naomi." She whispered forcefully at me from the corner of her mouth.

"What?" I blurt out suddenly dragged from my appreciation of Emily's figure.

"You're sat there staring at me, stop it."

"Sorry babe, I was just thinking about how lovely you're looking tonight, that's all."

"Really I could have sworn you were perving again."

"Nope, not this time hun, cross my heart, appreciating."

"Same thing you clot.", but she's smiling so I don't mind the insult.

"Sorry hun, just kinda happy tonight I guess."

"Good, glad you're happy Naoms, tell you what would make me happy." I raise my eyebrow as a question, "if you'd stop 'appreciating' me and give me a kiss."

"Can't I do both?"

"No!"

But I can you know, I really can. I can appreciate how lovely she is with my eyes closed; and I do just that as I lean in to kiss those perfect red lips, my hand running through those long red locks. After what feels like a glorious eternity we pull apart and I find myself being looked at appraisingly by my mother.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

"No dear, obviously not. I think young Emily here already has." I perform the patented 'pissed off Campbell' eyebrow raise. I'm not sure what she's getting at but I'm going to assume the worst.

"Public Displays of Affection dear. Last year you'd have clubbed Emily to death where she stood and run for the hills rather than kiss in public."

"Yeah well last year I was a twat. Actually this year I was a twat as well, but as of a week ago I'm not, well I'm trying not to be?

And if I can keep the alcohol under control for a bit that might just work as well.

"Besides," I continued pulling Emily closer to me, "why would I not want to kiss Ems? She is, after all, bloody gorgeous."

"Well you do make a nice couple, "Kieran says, his voice just slightly slurred. "We were hoping that you'd be still together when we got back. You make her happy Miss Fitch and that's always a good thing."

"Thanks Kieran, I was telling Gina earlier what a good couple you make. I believe you're off to Ireland to introduce her to your family."

"That's right, off to the seat of family MacFoeinaiugh, glorious sunny Ireland where the beer is good and the people are happy. Actually most of my family are total twats to be honest but they do want to meet the woman that got me to drop teaching and travel the world."

Mum picks up the bottle of wine on the table and pours it into our glasses, I stop her carefully when she reaches mine, putting my hand over the glass. I've had one tonight, I don't really want another. Ems is reading my mind again and picks up the pitcher of iced water and fills my empty wine glass. Mum's looking at me again a question on her lips. I catch her eye and shake my head minutely. There's a time and a place for that discussion and it's not here and now.

I pick up my wine glass and raise it.

"I'd like to propose a toast," they're looking at me like I've grown three heads or something, Jesus.

"I've come to appreciate quite a few things I'd either not known or had forgotten over the last few months and here tonight I've just realised something that's important to me. Around this table are the people I care most about in the entire world; me obviously because you can't be a self centred, selfish bitch without caring all about yourself."

That got a laugh

"Mum, because whether I've wanted you around or not, you've always been there for me and you helped me when I really needed some good advice. Mum I love you and I've missed you for longer than I knew."

"Emily because you complete me, you fill up the emptiness of my life in ways I can't describe. I love you, am totally, hopelessly in love with you. I always have been and always will be.

Kieran, well, because you're not a total twat and you do make my mum happy which is more than ok in my book."

More laughs, they're watching me carefully, I'm thinking this is not bad for a beginner.

"I realised tonight that one of the most important things you can have or lose is family and that's what I've found around this table tonight. You are all a part of my family and I love you all. So I offer this. To family."

"Family" they say as glasses are chinked and then drunk.

"Nice speech," Ems whispered to me as I drank my water.

***

A happy couple of hours later and it's very late. The taxi we've flagged down pulls up outside our home and Ems and I get out and say our goodbyes. As it pulls away mum waving frantically out of the back window, I'm filled with a sad regret. It seems like I'm only capable of discovering how much I love someone when I lose them. I realised tonight how much I missed my mum over the last few months. How her strange hippy ways were actually a comfort and how much I enjoyed talking to her on the few occasions that she'd managed to phone.

Emily pulled at my hand, "C'mon you stop thinking and take me home."

I snap out of my reverie, "Babe we are home see? Home is just over there."

"I know that Naoms," she said with a hint of exasperation in her voice, "take me to bed ok?"

"Sounds like a plan hun, it's been a long day and I'm tired"

"Yeah, it's been eventful," she's smiling at me knowingly as she drags me up the path and through the door.

"Yeah, eventful."

I flopped down onto the sofa kicking my shoes across the living room and stretching out my toes sighing loudly.

"This is the point where you're supposed to tell me you love me, remember?" Ems said stamping her foot at me.

"Sorry babe?"

"Eventful…remember?"

My tired mind finally engages to the conversation and my memory flashes back. Of course I remember, we've used the same phrases repeatedly over our time together and this is a favourite. I hold out my arms to the pouting redhead and she flops into my lap snuggling her head into the crook of my neck.

"Sorry babe, my mind's a bit tired tonight. Like you say it's been eventful…and I do love you."

"She smiled and replied in kind, "I know..." She leaned up and kissed me again, Time for bed Naoms ".

_Life is good, and so am._

_***_

_**4:45AM**_

So I'm lying here, curled up with the love of my life and I'm wide awake again. I've slept for a few hours, but something outside disturbed me and I can't get back to sleep again.

I've spent the last few minutes reflecting on the day; Ems' is back, mum's back and I'm almost back. Part of me is now dreading the morning and the return of reality, I'd kind of like this little bubble not to burst.

Sighing slightly I curl deeper into the embrace I'm wrapped in, running my fingers over Ems' hair as it drapes over the pillows.

"Naoms, are you ok?" she asks her voice bleary and sleep filled.

"I'm fine love, go back to sleep, sorry I woke you." I whisper back, continuing to stroke her.

I'm not actually sure she was ever awake, her eyes are closed and her breathing still regular. I look at her sleeping face, god I love her, and I know this one fact. As long as she's with me, as long as she lets me love her, I'll face down my dragons each and every day, I'll fight that little voice that's still telling me that she'll ruin my life. As long as she loves me everything will be ok, we'll be ok. I know it and I _am_ 'all-seeing'.

_Life is good, and so am I. Well not totally but I'm getting better._

.

.

.

**A/N – **Cue the music….Cause this is Filler! Filler Night. (sorry, sorry I know...)

So there you go, I thought that it might be nice to have a happy episode to lighten the mood a little, it's been a bit hectic for the last few chapters. Couldn't resist getting a scooter scene in here somewhere, the shots in Emily's episode were just hilarious – BTW did anyone else see that both scooters, (the working one and the prop one) were on e-bay the other week? That was 4K I could happily have blown if I had it, (Mrs Es always wanted a scooter!).

The promised Katie Chapter is coming – need to write it now, bloody work getting in the way of this story...anyone got the winning lottery numbers handy?


	10. OMFG!

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent, (down from severe OK?). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame)

**Quick A/N **– Not totally happy with this one, but I'll explain why later. But the week from hell has been called off thanks to the volcano in Iceland grounding flights from the US to the UK. No people arriving, no meetings to go to YAY! So to celebrate I thought I'd put this up.

**Chapter 10 – OMFG!**

_Katie_

I'm woken up as the figure lying behind me throws an arm over my waist, gently caressing my stomach. I open my eyes to find I'm not in my room. In fact I've got no idea where I am or what I was doing last night.

OK let's face up to it, this isn't the first time I've woken up, hung-over and confused, with no memory of the night before; in a strange bed with someone next to me, and it probably won't be the last.

I rack my brains to think of where I was last night. I remember meeting Naomi's mum, leaving the house with Effy and heading off. I remember a couple of pubs, a nightclub and a lot of drinking and a pill or two and fuck all else. Can't remember dancing with anyone, can't remember picking anyone up. Shit I must have been totally, totally fucked up.

As my brain starts to kick in I realise I'm in my underwear wearing an unfamiliar T-Shirt. '_Well that's a relief,'_ I have to admit. I'm not naked, bruised, bitten or sore; perhaps it's not that bad. Still I have an arm holding me down as I'm lying here so I'm somewhere, with someone and I'm not at home.

Home, that's a fucking joke. Where the fuck is home anymore? A shitty little caravan on a grubby little field? A spare room at my sister's girlfriend's house? I don't have a fucking home anymore. I've got nothing left in my life but family. The caravan has family, but so does Naomi's. Naomi's has warmth and happiness, but it also has misery and pain. Naomi's is where I finally admitted how I felt about Freddie, and hours later where Effy told us he was probably dead.

I still can't believe it, any of it. Part of me is still clinging to the hope that he's alive, hiding somewhere, staying away from Bristol, from Effy and getting his life back together. Naomi's pretty much shattered that illusion though; the rest of me knows that he's dead. I hate Cook with every bone in my body, he's a total shit, a fucking waste of skin, a criminal and a liar; but he wouldn't lie about Freddie. Wouldn't lie about something like that.

Another part of me hates Naomi for telling us what Cook had said, for ruining my little dream. Yet _another_ part of me loves her for putting herself through that pain for us, for me, for Effy but most of all for Emsy. I love my little sister and I have to admit, albeit grudgingly, that Naomi seems to want to do right by her.

Fuck me I'm turning into a twat.

The body behind me sighs and rolls over, the hand suddenly removed. I roll over slowly to see familiar brunette hair scattered across the pillow.

'_Thank fuck for that, I'm in bed with Effy. _

_Hang on, WHAT?'_

There's a strange dichotomy here, I'm relieved because if I'm with Effy I haven't gone home with some random bloke and shagged him, I'm also horrified because in some drunken state I've ended up in Effy's fucking bed and I don't know how or what I've done. There's only room for one fucking lesbian in my family and it's not fucking me.

I'm definitely not gay! Definitely, I like boys far too much. Me not a muff muncher, definitely!

"Go back to sleep Katie, it's too fucking early."

Shit, she's rolled over again and is talking to me. Get a grip Katie this isn't the first time you've woken up with Effy. Visions of Venice float through my addled brain along with reminders of the few times she's crashed at Campbell's with me. _'Yeah, but this isn't the fucking same is it?_

"Eff?" I can't help but ask

"What Katie, I said it's too fucking early and I'm tired."

"What the fuck am I doing here?"

She rolled over, her blue eyes staring at me through heavy lids.

"We got pissed, you took me home, we fucked all night and then we fell asleep. Don't you remember babe?"

'_What?'_ I'm kind of lost for words.

"You're fucking great in bed Katiekins; in fact I've no idea why Naomi chose your sister over you. I have to admit I've never had orgasms like that, Cook - Freddie, they're nothing compared to you lover. The things you can do with that tongue," she shuddered dramatically. "You are fucking awesome babe."

She winked at me and ran her hand over my leg, her nails gently scratching my skin.

"Fancy a repeat performance?"

I can't help it; Oh my fucking God! I practically jump out of the bed shock written all over my face.

"Oh for fucks sake Katie it's too fucking early. I'm messing with you ok? We were wasted and you came here. Remember? We were staying away? I told Gina that you were staying here, giving the lovebirds some time alone!"

I do remember that; just don't remember planning to stay in Effy's fucking bed. She must have guessed what I was thinking.

"Jesus Katie, I wouldn't let you sleep on the floor and you borrowed a T-Shirt and crashed. That's all now will you either drag your ass back to bed so I can get some sleep, or fuck off and make some coffee."

I sit back onto the bed and think. So Effy was messing with me. Thank fuck for that, I'm relieved; it would have been majorly embarrassing deal with. Though to be fair if I was going to fuck a girl Effy would be a good catch. At least she can dress well unlike Campbell. I really have no idea what my sister sees in that Oxfam store reject. Effy looks good and dresses well and is pretty fucking cool to top it off.

Hang on; am I even having this conversation with myself? Shut the fuck up Katie, you're _not_ fucking gay.

"For fucks sake Katie, go back to sleep or get up. Stop fucking thinking you're keeping me awake with your muttering."

Shit! I don't want to get up, don't want to go back to bed either. Damn Effy she's got me all freaked out now. A few seconds later I'm dragged back to the pillows by a lazy arm reaching back and grabbing mine.

"Go back to fucking sleep Katie, fucks sake."

I climb back under the covers and lie down still a little tense, Effy's still got hold of my hand, her thumb idly stroking my little finger. It's a nice feeling, a comforting one. In fact it's very relaxing. I haven't felt relaxed for a while now, weeks if I'm honest, too wound up about everything. Me, Emily, mum, dad and James. But this is nice, soothing, slowly I find myself drifting off to sleep.

"'night Eff," I manage to murmur as tiredness takes over once again.

"'night Katiekins."

I find myself smiling my way into sleep

***

I'm woken again, this time by an arm shaking my shoulder. I open my eyes and find Effy standing over me.

"Eff, what the..?"

"Coffee Katie," she says waving a mug at me. "Seeing as you wouldn't bring me any I've made some for you."

"What time is it?"

"About ten. A hell of a lot later than you woke me."

Um...I'm feeling a little guilty about that, probably need to apologise. "Eff I'm sorry ok? It was a bit of a shock."

"What was, me teasing you?"

"You putting your arm around me."

She looked at me confusion on her face, "What?"

"This morning, you woke me up. You hugged me Eff. It freaked me out a bit. Thought I'd pulled again and ended up fuck knows where. Then you started teasing me and I freaked a little bit more that's all, wasn't in the right frame of mind for your games."

She just looked at me, her eyes staring right through me.

"Ah."

'Ah' that's it, that's all she has to say about it. She freaks me out and just say's 'Ah'. Fucking mysterious Effy, damn she pisses me off.

No.

Actually she doesn't.

And that scares me, just a little.

***

Coffee drunk, clothes retrieved and I'm heading back to "home". Not Naomi's, not yet anyway. I'm heading for the caravan where mum and dad are staying. Dad keeps promising it's just for a short while, mum keeps going on about "little pickles" but at the end of the day it's chez Fitch and that's where my family is at the moment, and family is what I need.

"Hello KitKat, haven't seen you for a few days, where have you been?"

That's my mum, in denial all the time. "I told you mum, Naomi invited me to say at hers."

"Yes well, I'm sure that's nice dear, but wouldn't you be more comfortable here, with your family?"

Fucking hell she even manages to piss _me_ off these days, how the hell Emsy put up with her I've no idea. She's always been "daddy's girl" I was always mum's favourite twin. Time to remind her Emily exists again.

"MUM, in case it has escaped your notice my _sister_ is living at Naomi's. Twin sister, remember? Fucking _family_!"

"There's no need to shout KitKat, I'm quite aware where Emily is and I'm also quite sure she'll be coming home where she belongs quite soon."

"Mum, for fucks sake will you get it into your head? Emily is gay, get it G.A.Y. She's living with her fucking girlfriend and they're obscenely happy together."

"Katie Fitch you close your mouth. I remember just how happy she looked with that_ girl_ last time I saw them together. Miserable she was, and soon she'll realise how unhappy that Naomi makes her and she'll return home again."

"Miserable? You do realise that was months ago? You'd not seen her for months until the other day when you fucking blanked her. Did you ever care about her? Didn't you realise that she cried for hours when Naomi told her to leave, and it wasn't about the thought of living in this shithole." I gestured around the caravan. Mum looked shocked.

"She's happy where she is mum, happy with Naomi. Even I can see that; why can't you?"

"Well if you're happy to be corrupted by that girl, why don't you go back there?"

The bitterness is flowing like acid from her mouth. I'm fucking stunned.

'Corrupted?' What the _fuck_?

Who the fuck _is_ this person?

I've loved my mum all my life but this isn't her. I thought I'd sorted all of this out months ago when I had a chat with her at our old house. I thought we were over all this shit. Presumably not, obviously the world according to Jenna Fitch hasn't moved on. Fuck I'm annoyed with her, and people call _me_ a bitch.

"Do you know what Mum?" I find myself snapping back, "I think I will. At least I seem to be welcome there. Jesus, it comes to something when my sister's _girlfriend_ whom, incidentally, I have treated like _shite_ for the last few years makes me feel more welcome than my mother."

"Katie, there's no need for..."

"For what mum? A few more home truths? Fucks sake get over yourself will you? Emily's happy where she is, and if you want my honest opinion I should tell her never to speak to you again, you'd fucking deserve that.

You do remember that Emsy and Naomi are off travelling soon, for most of a fucking year. I'm fucking horrified that I won't be able to see her and you don't seem to give a shit, don't want to talk to your lesbian daughter and that's messed up mum, really messed up.

What did I tell you? Appreciate us ok? Stop pushing us away. If you haven't already mum I swear you'll lose Emily and you'll probably lose me as well."

She looks fucking distraught but I can't relent, won't relent. She deserves everything she heard.

I storm out of the caravan and out of the park, heading for what feels like home. If I'm going to be honest I'm fucking devastated; mum and I have always been there for each other, well almost always, and I feel like a part of me has dropped off and rolled away in my mother's look of disgust. I pick up my iPhone and press the screen, connecting me to the only person that can understand, the one person that can help me.

"Hello?"

"It's me, I need to talk, can we meet?"

"Where Katie? What's up?"

"Coffee shop by the pub, I'll buy you a latte? I just need to talk to someone and you're the first person I thought of."

"Oh, well thanks for that Katie; I've got nothing pressing in my life today so give me half an hour ok?"

"Fine, thanks Eff."

***

An hour later and she drifts into the coffee shop, the latte I'd bought for her stone cold on the table.

"Hi Katie, you want a drink?"

I nodded at the cup on the table, "Got us both one, guess they're cold now."

"Well I am a little late, what do you want?"

She takes the order and drifts away, returning with a couple of drinks and flops down on the sofa next to me.

"So what's up Katie, still upset about this morning?"

"What?"

She puts her hand on my leg, "About our night of passion my dear, are you regretting it already?"

"Effy please." I don't want her teasing me; I'm having enough issues with what happened this morning as it is.

Thankfully she drops it, but leaves her hand on my knee, squeezing it slightly. "Come on Katie, what's the matter."

I spill my guts to her, I feel a little guilty about it, what with everything else we're going through, but I know I can talk to her, know she'll listen to me. That's exactly what Effy does. She sits there and takes it all in. Me, my mother, everything, well almost everything anyway. I'm able to express myself with her like no-one else I've known, not even Emily and she just accepts it. Sits there nodding away like it's all important and listens. No-one my age has ever has just listened to me when I've tried to talk to them; most of the time it's been boys and they've just nodded and then tried to shag me. In fact only one other person I've met has just listened to me like this. Not even Emily has ever listened like these two did, but that's more my fault than hers.

I've never talked so much about me before, not like this anyway. Not about what I'm feeling. But finally I'm done, spent, finished. I've told her everything and I sit back waiting for a response.

"So what do you want me to say Katie?"

Not what I was expecting, "Erm..." is all I can respond with.

"Katie, do you think I'm any less fucked up than you are? I don't think I can help you out Katiekins, what you're talking about, it's alien to me. Families, cosy chats with mum, everything. It's all a mystery to me. I'm not qualified to give you advice. Oh and don't forget, it's not that long ago that I was sectioned for my own good. Fucking fruity-loop wrist cutter, remember?"

I can't resist a little chuckle at that. "I remember Eff, I was there. You scared the shit out of me that day and I wasn't really dressed for it."

"There you go, isn't that better?" She leaned over giving me a gentle hug, smiling at my laughter,

"You need to laugh these things off Katie. Look, I don't doubt that your mother's a bitch; after all you take after her don't you? But you've got better; you're not as catty as you were. Actually you're kind of nice when you try, I like you. I even think Naomi is warming to you and I'm pretty sure you've enjoyed making her life hell."

It's true; even I have to admit it.

"Look Katie," she says standing up, "I can't solve your problems; I can't even deal with my own. But I like you, I know I once hit you with a rock but I guess you just do that to me ok? You're nice Katie, you're a nice person underneath but you're also vulnerable. You need to make your own decisions ok? If you need me again, call me, I'll be there for you, we'll be there for each other. But for now I think you need a bit of time."

She leant down and kissed me on the cheek, "You know where you want to be right now Katie, so why don't you go there? They've had plenty of time together, they won't mind. Give me a call later ok, we'll go for a drink or something, the four of us, maybe get the gang together again, those of us that can."

And with that she's gone, wandering out of the coffee shop and into the crowds to vanish. A little part of me misses her, for some strange reason I've come to rely on Effy over the last week, we share a common love and we've been there for each other throughout the pain. In a curious way I think I love her and that's almost as painful as everything else.

***

I've taken myself shopping, have you ever noticed that however many problems you have a bit of retail therapy makes them all right?

Well fuck you then, I love shopping!

I don't actually spend a lot on clothes, not as much as people believe. I'm actually quite clever. No shut up, I am! A couple of expensive, branded items here and there, some nice accessories the rest? Well I pick what I like and make it look good, no matter where it's from and how cheap it may be. Emsy has often said I look like a cheap whore, who the fuck cares, cheap whore works; has always worked. Worked for me anyway.

Today however I'm not in the market for cheap or expensive, for some reason I'm looking for something nice if I'm going out with Effy and the lezzers tonight I'd better find something classy to show them all up in.

***

Two hours and four bags of shopping later I'm back at Naomi's as I knock on the door I'm greeted by a smiling and somewhat flushed sister, breathing heavily and holding of all things a pillow.

"Fuck Katie, use your key why don't you?"

"Had my hands full," I explain. "Disturb you did I?" I ask raising an eyebrow at her.

"Actually yes you did Katiekins," comes a voice from the living room, "but you can come and join in if you're jealous."

I bite back a sarcastic reply and deliberately walk into the living room dropping the shopping bags as I did so.

WHAM

I'm hit full in the face with a fucking cushion, it doesn't hurt; it's a cushion for fucks sake. But it is a bit of a surprise.

"Shit, sorry Katie, I thought you were Ems."

She actually looks slightly distraught.

"You're having a pillow fight!" I exclaim indignantly, you're both nearly fucking 18 and you're having a fucking pillow fight."

WHAM

I'm hit from behind by a sneak attack from my sister, "Fucking right we are." She shouts as she plunges past me and takes a swing at the other idiot. They're running around the room knocking things over and giggling like inmates at a funny farm, swinging their cushions at each other wildly. I take a deep breath as I watch them, determined to be grown up.

Though actually, it's pretty infectious. They look like they're having so much fun. Whispering _'what the fuck' _to myself I grab a small red cushion from the sofa and smack Naomi with it as hard as I can.

"That's for hitting me bitch!" I yell, grinning widely and hitting her again, "and _that's_ for thinking it was my sister."

"Yeah," shouted Emily, "Go Sis get her!" We're swinging cushions at Naomi one after the other giving her no time to respond and eventually we batter her down onto the floor tears streaming from our eyes as we laugh.

"Ok, ok," she laughs, "I give in, no fair; I can't beat both of you at once."

"Fucking right Campbell, don't mess with the Fitch twins yeah?" I giggle at Emily who's looking straight at me.

"Go Team Fitch!"

"Damn right little sis."

WHAM

"That's for hitting my _girlfriend_ bitch!"

WHAM

"and _that's_ for enjoying it!"

And we start all over again.

***

Lunch goes by and I'm sat alone with Emsy, Naomi has long since left for work. I'd told them of Effy's idea to go out for a drink and they'd readily agreed. I think they want to see me and her do something other than mope around their house looking miserable.

It seems to have been all Effy and I have been doing for the last week, meeting, moping and crying a lot. Locked together in our sad little world, unable to break apart. I find myself wondering how she's doing a lot, when she's not around that is. When I'm eating I'm wondering if she is, hoping she's managing to keep things together. When I'm thinking about the few good times with Freddie I'm wondering if she's doing the same. Sad really.

"Hello? Earth to Katie...HELLOOOO!!!" I'm dragged from my thoughts by Emily's insistent voice and waving hand; a habit I'm sure she's picked up from Campbell.

"So what's up?"

"Nothing."

"Fuck off Katie, I know you better than that. What the fucks wrong?"

Well where do I fucking start? The only boy I think I've ever loved is probably fucking dead, I've just woken up in his girlfriend's bed and I can't stop thinking about them both. Oh and I've just had a blazing row with my mother and basically told her to fuck off. Which one of those fucking gems do you start with?

"Went to see mum this morning." I take the cowards option.

"Right, how did that work out for you?" She sounds pissed off that I'm even mentioning it; I can't say I blame her.

"How do you think? She's still angry about you and _'that girl.'_ Even hates me now for staying here, thinks she's 'corrupting' me."

"Jesus, what?"

"Yeah I know fucked up isn't it? Why can't she be more like dad, or like Naomi's mum?"

Emsy frowned at me eyes narrowing, "I heard you'd met yesterday...decided to tell her everything did you sis?"

"We got chatting," I say defensively, "She's really nice, easy to talk to."

"Katie you fucking told her everything about me and Naomi, about Sophia and all the shit. Seriously how could you?"

"Like I said she was easy to talk to, she gave a shit you know? I just found myself talking to her, couldn't help myself."

I guess I've fucked up here. I brace myself for what I've got to do; it's never easy for me.

"It was just nice you know, to have an adult to talk to, someone that sounded like they cared, someone that acted like mum used to do and doesn't any more, I'm sorry Emsy I felt like talking to someone, needed to get all this off my chest. The rest just sort of slipped out, I didn't mean it. Katie sham."

Her eyes soften a little, that's a positive sign anyway.

"It's ok Katie; it doesn't matter, no harm done. Gina seems to like you as well, did nothing but sing your praises last night. You and _Elizabeth_ are a lovely couple apparently."

OK so flinching isn't necessarily the best thing to do here but I can't help it. Emsy just raises a fucking eyebrow at me, another bad habit she's picked up from Campbell.

"What?" I snap at her

"So what's going on there then, you and Effy had a falling out? I thought you'd become best mates."

"We are, well we're kinda. Fuck, I don't know what we are."

"I guess that's understandable, she did try to knock your brains out with a rock."

"That's old news Emsy, I dealt with that last summer in Venice and we're over it. It was just a fucked up drug fuelled mistake that's all. She didn't mean it."

She sat there and looked at me appraisingly, when did she get so fucking grown up?

"Fair enough Katie, so what is it then?"

"Can I be honest?

She nods at me and leans over to take my hand. I look down at it wondering how to explain what's going on in my head.

"I woke up in bed with Effy this morning."

Silence, I only know she's heard me because she's gripping my hand somewhat tighter.

"We went out last night and I got wasted. I woke up with someone's arm around me and I was terrified I'd got pissed and picked up another loser. Instead I find myself in bed with Effy."

"You fucked Effy?" She sounds, well incredulous.

"NO! Fucking hell Emily, No, _No!_ What made you think that?"

"Well that's what you were implying Katie."

I shook my head at her, "I didn't fuck her ok, despite what she might say. She's been teasing me about it all day." Shit didn't mean to say that, didn't want her to know I'd seen Effy again today. Thankfully she's missed it.

"So what's the problem Katie, you woke up with Effy, so fucking what? You've done that a couple of times this week."

I just shrugged.

"There isn't one, just thought I'd tell you before she dropped it into conversation to wind me up again and you all take the piss. I just like her ok? Wouldn't want you all thinking it was true."

She's laughing at me, "You are _so_ paranoid Katie, you're always worried about what other people might think of you. You and Effy could be fucking each other senseless and inviting Danny and the whole Bristol Rovers reserve team to come around and watch and it wouldn't matter to me. You're my sister, I'm not like mum. As long as you're happy that's all that matters to me."

She drags me into a hug, and it makes me feel better, it always does. Doesn't make me any less confused about everything though.

***

We're sat watching TV when the front door opens and Naomi's voice calls out.

"Ems I'm back."

"In here babe," she shouts back uncurling herself from the floor and throwing herself at the blonde who's just walked in and slamming her against the doorframe.

"Hello to you as well," she says disentangling herself from my sister. "Hi Katie."

I nod back at her, "Katie, what time are we going out tonight?" she asks.

"I said we'd meet the gang at the pub about half eight, Effy thinks we should get a few drinks in then go clubbing."

"Cool, I've got plenty of time to take a shower and get changed then. What are we doing for food?"

"I'm ordering pizza!" Emsy replies with an almost babyish grin on her face.

"Wings and garlic bread?"

"No!" I shout quickly, "No garlic bread we'll fucking stink of it all night." They exchange amused looks.

"But Katie, what does it matter? It's not like _we're_ off on the pull, besides I _love_ the smell of garlic on Emily."

She's trying to wind me up and I'm just in the mood for this, bring it on Campbell.

"Look, it is hard enough for Effy and I to meet boys when were hanging around with a pair of badly dressed lezzers like you two. But add to that you smelling of garlic and we'll have no chance of meeting any good looking blokes. We'd be left with the desperate mingers and I have standards."

"You should be grateful we're there Katiekins. Don't forget all _I've_ got to do is kiss this gorgeous redhead here and every bloke's eye in the building will be focussed on us. You can pick up the scraps then."

"In your dreams Campbell, with the outfit I've bought there isn't a boy _or_ a girl in the place that would look at you."

"Thank fuck for that, wouldn't want her to get tempted."

I fix my best 'don't mess with Katie Fitch' look on my sister, "and don't think you're going out wearing your usual shit Emily. You're getting a makeover today and I've picked up an outfit for you as well. You're going to look well lush."

She's looking at me in horror shaking her head, Campbell is just laughing at her. For the first time this week I'm actually looking forward to going out. This is going to be fucking epic.

.

.

.

**A/N – **OK so Katie officially hates me for letting Naomi have "her" chapter. That's my only excuse for this drivel, that and there's a load of things I've got to get set up for the next part of the story and writing Katie is actually quite hard, not sure I'll do it again. Not for a full chapter anyway. I have to admit to finding it a struggle to get the balance between the S3, (Bitch) and S4 (Vulnerable) Katie that was needed here.

Like I say, it was an important chapter with a lot of necessary background bits that hopefully you'll miss until later, [that's got you thinking hasn't it? No it's not the one you're thinking of...no not that one either (-: ] Plus I love Katie, I was kind of pissed that after what should have been a really good episode for her she was dropped to the sidelines as 'comedy' effect with Thomas and Pandora. She's so messed up now the character _deserves_ to be explored, here's hoping the movie will give a chance for Meg to show her talent again. Gods know she didn't get much of a chance this season.

Oh and I've just noticed I promised you some shorter chapters and the last couple have been (I think) the longest I've wrote, sorry. I must try harder not to get carried away.


	11. Chickens, Clothing and Clubbing

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent, (down from severe OK?). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**A/N – **Gee two chapters in the space of a few days, you are lucky d-: Few things to say about the reviews guys…Long chapters – Are you trying to kill me? I'm at page 145 of a technical manual at work and I'm typing this in my spare time. My fingers are sore guys…sore!

And for those that got excited about a Keffy storyline, please. What did I say about things being missed? Smoke and mirrors guys, smoke and mirrors. Dangle Keffy in front of you and have you miss the important bits. I've been doing that all along. I like hiding things, I'm a squirrel! Bet you missed all the Keffy hints earlier as well (-;

BTW if you check out my profile you'll find a link to the new sticky-wall I'm testing, nice place to say hello and ask me about this story; or Dragons or anything else really (hint). Anyway, here's chapter 11 – can you believe were here already, (gulp).

**Chapter 11 – Chickens, Clothing and Clubbing**

_Naomi_

Do you know that is perfectly possible to hate frozen chickens?

No I'm perfectly serious! I know they're dead, disembowelled and otherwise inanimate objects that are sold only to meet a niche in our dietary wants; but I fucking hate them.

You'd hate the little frozen bastards as well if you'd just spent the last 4 hours stuck in a walk in freezer moving them from one place to another, counting them and then moving them back where they came from. Can you imagine anything more futile than counting frozen fucking chickens?

Stock-take my arse, I just don't think my boss likes me.

Still I only need to be there for another 4 weeks or so and then I'm off. I'd already saved more than enough to pay for the tickets for Goa and I'd budgeted enough to keep me travelling and eating for a good bit after that. Beyond that? Well we'll worry about that later, guess it depends on where we end up. I know Ems has been saving for this trip for ages, part time jobs here and there; I'd been doing the same. Doing quite well actually. My savings have dwindled a little, weed isn't cheap you know, even with Cook's connections, that and the tickets to Goa themselves took a chunk of my saved cash. But doing as many hours as I can at work at the supermarket is definitely helping, and it's not as if we're staying in five star luxury whilst we're away.

Well apart for the place I've booked for her birthday, but she doesn't know about that little treat yet.

'_Anyway'_. I pushed the grumpy thoughts of frozen chickens away from me and think about the upcoming night out. It's been so long since I've been out, properly out with my friends clubbing and the like, that I'm actually a little nervous. I've spent fucking ages getting ready hair, make-up, dress. I've even gone to the extent of digging out a pair of heels, and I hate heels, almost as much as I hate frozen chickens and my fucking boss.

I look like Bambi on acid when I'm wearing heels, especially when it comes to negotiating steps. Walking away from Emily and JJ at the Love Ball without falling over and making a total twat of myself was probably one of the hardest things I've done. I was trying for effortless and graceful, I'm pretty sure I only managed clunky and awkward.

Katie has dragged Emily away and they've spent the last couple of hours either in the spare room or in the bathroom and I've been banned from going anywhere near them. I guess it's Katie's way of making her sister happy. Guess she doesn't know her that well; Ems was not looking happy about the whole ordeal. I'm saying nothing; she might try it with me next and then I'd _have_ to kill her, and I doubt Ems would be happy about that.

***

Twenty minutes later and there's still no sign of them but there's a knock at the door. Climbing up from the sofa I totter across and see a familiar shape through the glass.

"Guys, Effy's here." I shout up the stairs as I let her in, "Get a fucking move on you two, we'll be late."

"Charming as ever Naomi? Looking good, like the headband." I can't help smiling at her as she drifts past me and flops on the sofa. You've really got to admire Effy; she really does do everything with elegant grace.

"Looking pretty nice yourself Eff," I say by way of greeting sitting next to her. She does as well, short (and I mean short) shiny grey dress and black leggings with Maroon Doc's. If I was wearing that outfit they'd throw me out of every pub in Bristol. Her? Well if _she_ doesn't get us past the queues to get in I don't know _what_ will. She really does make looking good effortless. Sometimes I really hate her, like I said it took me ages to get ready.

"Twins upstairs?"

I nod, "Katie's giving herself and Ems a makeover." She sniggers, "Yeah, don't think Ems is too happy either. I'm kind of dreading how she's going to look when they come down."

"No you're not Naomi; you're secretly hoping Katie's dressed her like a cheap hooker so you can get your kicks ogling her in a short skirt all night."

Damn her.

"As long as she hasn't done the twin thing and dressed them the same again."

Effy just looks at me raising an eyebrow.

"The Love Ball, all dressed the same accessorised the same, only the hair was different and then not by much."

"Thought you'd be used to that by now Naomi." You've been watching her since you were 12 haven't you. You must be used to her looking like Katie."

Damn her again, I've got an answer this time though.

"What makes you think I ever _noticed_ Katie Eff?"

She smiled. It's good to see her smile, I can't remember a time when I've ever seen Effy do anything but smirk.

"Thought you'd have had to look past her to see Emily, seeing as she's spent her entire life walking behind her." She paused and smirked again. "Unless, of course, you made sure you were behind them both so you could stare at her arse."

"Stare at who's arse Effy?"

I'm about to respond to her, I have a _fuck you_ poised on my lips just waiting to launch when I'm distracted by her voice. I turn round to look at her and my brain liquefies and dribbles out of my skull.

They're not dressed alike, that's the first and last thing I notice about the two of them; Katie has been wiped out of existence. I'm dimly aware that they're stood shoulder to shoulder but it's as if someone has passed a cloud over everyone in the room but Ems. She's is fucking _radiant_ and I simply can't take my eyes of her.

I actually can't believe that Katie "I dress like a tart" Fitch has pulled _this_ off. It is _nothing_ like I would expect from her if she was in charge of making someone over. Emily looks like a model in a magazine; a really expensive magazine. You know - the ones that people leave on their coffee tables to tell their guests how sophisticated they think they are.

...and boy does she look sophisticated.

She's wearing an absolutely stunning corset dress, it's in a beautiful dark blue, (blue is definitely her colour I've decided), and it's got just a hint of silver embroidery. A delicate almost Celtic patterning has been stitched into the bodice that continues down into the dress, catching the eye as the light hits it and giving a beautiful contrast to the dark material.

It's short, but not indecently so ending just above the knee and is strapless revealing an almost indecent amount of flesh. It's absolutely hugging her figure and the combination of cleavage and bare shoulders is breathtaking. She could walk out of a limousine at a posh gala event straight onto the red carpet and have every woman there eating their own livers in jealousy.

Katie's done a number on her hair as well, it's as red as ever I've seen it and straightened so as to make the light dance across each lock. There's also just a hint of the fringe that she used to look out at me from under as it falls across her eye before being elegantly swept away. Her long locks are just turning in as they reach her neckline and they neatly frame the silver necklace I bought her months ago in the happy summer's days after the ball.

She smiles that shy little smile that I fell in love with all those years ago; the little, embarrassed twist of the lips, her head slightly bowed, looking out at me from under those long, long eyelashes before turning on her toes to give me the full effect.

_Fuck me._

It's practically backless, the two sides of the corset held together by a strip of ribbon woven between them and tied with a bow at the top. I can see possibly my favourite part of her, her shoulders and spine, clearly and I can track that spine down, through the lacing, to the little dimple at the small of her back; the spot where I know she loves being kissed, even if she is ticklish there.

Part of me is a little jealous that so much of my girl is on show, knowing everyone will be looking at her; another part is delighted knowing that she's mine and I can look and look without a shred of guilt; one last part is so turned on at the spectacle in front of me I want nothing more than to drag her upstairs and forget about clubbing tonight.

It is simply breathtaking but I can't put my finger on precisely what it is, I'm looking her up and down trying to work out what part of her has stopped my heart from beating but I can't. It's all too much. I can't get my mind to work, can't stop staring at her.

"Wow!"

I'm suddenly aware that I'm not the only person speaking, there's another voice expressing the same sentiment at the same time. I'm suddenly filled with a surge of jealousy as I realise it's Effy commenting on her outfit as well. Emily just smiles at me; _fuck_ I hope that she understands that I can't speak, can't tell her how good she's looking. Can't say anything more than 'wow' actually, it pretty much sums up everything I'm thinking; that is to say - nothing.

I feel a hand under my chin pushing up at my jaw and drag my eyes away to see Effy leaning over and winking at me.

"Close your mouth Naomi, you're going to drool over your dress."

_What?_

"Oh and try breathing, it's good for you, you know?"

I just ignore her, I was breathing. Well OK I wasn't at that particular moment but that's not the point. I'm sure she's laughing at me as well, but that's not the point either.

There's currently only one point to my entire existence and she's just walked over to me and softly stroked my face with immaculately manicured fingers.

"Good choice babe," she says smiling at my outfit before sliding onto my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck. Good choice? I could be wearing a bin bag and no one would notice with her next to me

"You look…stunning." I manage to splutter. She smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Emily," Katie says warningly, "leave her alone you'll ruin that make up. I spent fucking ages doing that."

It was well worth it too, it really shows off her best features, her cheekbones, her lips and those beautiful eyes. Trouble is _I really_ want to ruin that make up, ruin her hair, and judging by the smouldering look she's just given me, she wants to do the same.

"Katie if I want to ruin this make up I will. After all _I'm_ only showing off to one person and she's seen it already."

"Yeah, well can you at least leave it until later, let's at least get out first OK?"

She ignores her, gently pressing her lips against mine, _'two sets of make up to repair'_ I briefly think in the microsecond before she actually kisses me and I'm lost.

"Fucks sake, come on you two. Pub, club, party right!"

I pull back slightly from the kiss, "You go ahead….we'll…"

"catch up later." Emily finishes for me between our smiling kisses. I'm more than a little disgruntled to feel Emily vanish from me between heartbeats as her now enraged sister drags her off my lap and towards the door.

I catch Effy's eye as she stands holding her hand out to pull me up, she just hauls me off the sofa, shrugs and turns to follow. I guess I'll have to join them.

***

To my disgust we've opted out of the taxi and we're walking to the bus stop, to be fair it's not far, it's cheaper and it's a nice evening but I would remind you that I'm wearing a frankly ridiculous pair of heels and I'm carrying a bag. No-one else seems bothered though. As we trudge, OK well as _I_ trudge through the streets I'm practically hanging onto the girl at my side to make sure I don't fall over. I'm giving serious thought to taking them off and I'm wishing I'd had the forethought to wear flats, at least until we got to where we were going.

I'm also wishing that the girl at my side wasn't Effy; watching Emily walk in front of me in that outfit is a definite distraction to my perambulatory performance. To put it bluntly her arse is stunning in that dress and it's driving me mad. The lacing continually draws my eyes down to her bum like an arrow pointing saying 'Naomi look here!'and I can't stop watching it as it bounces along in front of me. I know she's doing it deliberately because she keeps looking back over her shoulder and winking at me.

To distract myself from the spectacle I've been examining at the two of them as they've been giggling in front of me and I'm actually surprised at how similar they are. I've never had a problem telling Emily and Katie apart when I've seen them, even when they're dressed the same, or at least I've never really noticed Katie when they have been together.

But taking a second to look at them both it is actually weird. I've never seen them as twins, not really. I accept they're sisters but that's as far as it ever went. I guess my lovesick brain eliminated all similarities to Katie from my image of Ems. You know? Mentally remove the evil twin that tried to fuck up my life on every occasion from my image of the perfect girl.

Now I come to look at them the similarities are there, they're the same height, same shape and with Katie's makeover their hair looks the same as well, different styles but very similar especially now they've dyed it to practically the same shade. Emily's arse is better by miles, but I'm not totally sure if that's reality or just personal bias. Put them face to face and it's easy to tell them apart, hear them speak and the differences are clear.

But for the first time since 9:03am on Monday, September the 2nd 2002 I can see clearly that they're twin sisters.

I know which one is best though….there's no fucking contest there, girlfriend or not. I could recognise Emily in a darkened room, with a blindfold on after being blinded with hot needles. That I'm absolutely sure of. Katie really isn't a patch on her.

***

We've met the others at the Barley Mow in town, it's not the greatest pub in the city but it's our local and has been since college, well when we weren't at Cook's Uncle Keiths's rat filled shit-hole. We're all piled around our usual table and the drinks are flowing; thankfully Emily's got me a tonic water and insisted to everyone that it's got vodka in it. I will have a drink, may have a drink, but that'll be later and only when I've got Ems with me properly. I'm still not sure I trust myself yet. Early days and all that.

I'm sat next to JJ's girlfriend Lara. I'm trying to convince her that I'm not a pissed up junkie by having a proper conversation with her. The last time we met didn't go too well and I guess I should try and get along with her. Still at least she isn't talking about that fucking baby, I really don't want to spend an evening hearing about how cute its toes are; that really would send me towards the vodka. She's telling me how happy she was to hear Ems and I had got back together, how delighted Jay had been about it and regaling me with her own story of how JJ won her back. Looks like we both had to take the public route to win back the one we love. Funny really.

Ems and JJ are chatting animatedly on the other side of the table. I'm less happy about that little fact, but it was a long time ago I guess. As long as they don't get too cosy; judging by the looks Lara is giving Emily I think she's feeling the same way. I catch her eye and nod slightly. We understand each other perfectly, time to get our partners back where they belong.

Effy and Katie are chatting away to themselves, they seem happy; it makes a nice change. Catching my eye Effy winks then looks right past me at the door and breaks into a smile. I don't need to turn to know who it is.

"WHIZZER, they're all here Tommo!"

Welcome to the whirlwind that is Pandora Moon, future Harvard student and all round nutter. After everyone at the table gets a hug she plonks herself down next to Effy and begins talking. It's at that point I totally tune out.

Don't get me wrong I like Panda, she's fun in a madhouse - full of energy type way but I really can't cope with her for very long. She wears out my brain. I nod at Thomas as he sits next to her, we really don't get on very well at all. I don't think he's forgiven me for selling Sophia the MDMA on his club night; or for being Cooks friend. Don't think I'm really that bothered to be honest; Thomas has always been on the periphery of my life at best. Nothing against the guy, I know he's an honest and genuine man, and I respect him for the way he stands up for his friends and for what he believes in, but outside of clubs and Pandora we've nothing really in common.

So this is us, all of the gang – what is left of it. Two seats at our table empty. I miss Cook being around, he's a total twat, but he's still one of my best mates. He really knew how to get a party started and I really miss having to fight him off. It's strange not seeing Freddie with Effy as well; it's all just a little bit weird. But we're here, were drinking and we're comfortable. It's all good.

***

Four hours later and I'm less comfortable, the music in the club is thumping and my head is pounding. I'm not sure if you've noticed but nightclubs are cool places when you're drunk or pilled up, or both. When you're sober you notice all the less cool things. Like sticky floors, warm drinks, wet seats and seriously fucked up people. I've done the expected things, bounced around a bit with the guys on the dance floor, talked shit for a bit by the bar and downed a couple of 'drinks' with Ems and Effy. Wouldn't say I'm enjoying myself much though.

"Having a good time Campbell?"

Katie's sat down next to me; I give her a tight lipped smile and go back to watching Ems on the dance floor with Effy and Panda.

"Fuck me Naomi are you still sober?"

I glare at her, "So what if I am Katie, you have a problem with that?"

She just shakes her head, "I haven't if you haven't Campbell, you just don't look like you're having much fun."

"I'm fine Katie; you did a good job with Emily there. She looks great." Her chest puffs up with pride.

"She looks better than great Naomi admit it, she's looking fucking awesome if I do say so myself. Look at the attention she's getting."

I have been, and that's the problem. For the last few hours I've been noticing every look she's been getting, every 'innocent' touch that's been pressed onto her. My pride in how good she looks had pretty much evaporated, now I wish we were back to being the inconspicuous couple at the back of the room. Yes I'm jealous, wouldn't you be?

"Naomi?" I look across at Katie, "Fucks sake lezzer, you're such a fucking loser. If you're that jealous get your arse down there and dance with her." She pushes a drink across to me, "Get that down you and go feel up my sister like you want to. I'll watch our stuff, could do with a rest."

I pick up the drink and sniff it suspiciously, rum and coke. Not a favourite but it'll do, downing it in one I smile at Katie and head down to the dance floor, fighting my way towards the girl I love. As I barge past the crowds of drunken dancers I give my best _'fuck off and die' _scowl to the boy that's attempting to chat her up and wrap my arms around her shoulders from behind. She turns in surprise

"hey babe, where you been?" She yelled into my ear as she sees me.

"Here and there," I shout back putting a smile on my face and leaning down to kiss her. "Your sister insisted I get drunk and come down here and feel you up."

"Well I must thank her for the last bit, though you don't seem to be doing a very good job of it."

"Soon fix that," I answer pulling her body into mine, putting my hands on her hips and moving in time with the music, "though it's a dangerous precedent following Katie's orders like this."

She pressed herself even closer to me in reply and ran her hand down my back and onto my hip, caressing downwards onto my thigh before travelling up again to wrap around my back.

"I'll make an exception in this case though," I state firmly trying to catch my breath.

"Thought you might."

***

It's 2am and I'm officially flagging. I've had a couple of drinks and I'm feeling a lot happier about the whole nightclub vibe. I'm not drunk and I'm not unhappy so all is good. I'm currently sat in a booth in the quiet area of the club with the gang, idly toying with Emily's lacing as we talk.

"You look tired Naoms," she says softly.

"I'm fine babe, long day. Some of us have been working today remember?"

"Some of us have to be up early tomorrow to go to work as well."

Now I'm puzzled, "No babe, I'm on a late shift again tomorrow, working through to 11 though."

"Not you Naoms, _me_. Lara's just offered me a job in her team, well if I can get past her boss. It's him I've going to go in and see tomorrow morning. I feel guilty about you working and me lounging around at home so I thought I'd get a proper job."

"You don't have to do that Ems, you've got loads saved up already."

"Yeah well, I'm going to get us plane tickets to Singapore from Goa. Thought we could stop over there and then head to Oz. I've been hoping to find a way by boat, take our time rather than fly."

"Really, got it all planned have you Fitch?"

"Oh don't get scared Campbell," she teases. "You bought us the tickets to Goa. I thought I'd treat us to the next few thousand miles. That way if we need cash we can find a temp-job in Australia, lots of travellers do that."

I riffle my hand through the dress' lacing making her jump.

"I'm not scared Ems, sounds like a great idea. We are spending your birthday in Goa though, not leaving early? I thought it'd be romantic you and me on your birthday maybe buy a blanket and have a picnic on a quiet beach somewhere. Like the lake, but warmer."

She smiled, "You're going soft Naoms, I like it; but no, Goa as planned then onwards. Providing I get the job that is."

"Wear that dress Ems, won't be a problem, he'll pay you double if you wear that. I would anyway."

She smiles, I love her smile. "So you're going to be working with Lara and JJ, in a sweetshop?"

"Yeah, why…you jealous?"

"Of course, Lara is quite cute, that pink streak in her hair is simply adorable."

She just flicked me on the nose, "One day Naomi Campbell you're going to say something like that to me and I'm going to leave you."

I faked a sob at that, slipping a finger into the back of her dress stroking that dimple. She stiffened slightly then relaxed, no-one was looking at us. Everyone's caught up in themselves. Lara and JJ are sitting giggling at something, Panda is wrapped around Thomas in the corner. Even Effy and Katie are sat together opposite us passing a bottle between them as they talk. It's nice, it's very nice. A way to wind down after all the dancing.

"Want another drink?" Ems asks prodding me. "My round." I think about it, obviously for far too long, "Come on Naomi, come have a drink with me before they kick us out. Anything once yeah?"

I sigh, "Go ahead then Emily, disappoint me." I wink at her and allow myself to be dragged to the bar.

***

2:45AM and we're leaving, thankfully Ems has decided it's time to go home. Katie and Effy are complaining that the club doesn't actually shut until four and Effy knows a good place to get a drink afterwards but Ems is having none of it. Time to be the peacemaker before she kicks off and spoils what has actually been quite a good night.

"Ems, they're big girls now, leave them to it if they want to carry on partying." She looks at me before sighing.

"OK you two, carry on your little party. Katie text me if you're not coming home OK?"

"Yes mum." Katie replies cracking up with laughter again. Fuck knows what she's taken but she's a mess. I lean into Effy.

"Make sure she's OK Eff, she's gone." I say just loud enough for Emily to hear. Effy just smirks at me,

"Don't panic Naomi; I'll make sure she's OK." She winks at Ems who looks slightly mollified.

"C'mon hun, let's go home. "Slinging my bag over my shoulder I grab Emily's hand and lead her from the club.

***

"Fuck me it's freezing"

She's right of course it's not a bit warm out here, not after being in that sweating pit for the last few hours. I wrap my arms around her running my hands up and down her back to warm her up as we step into the queue for a taxi home.

"Serves you right for going out half naked hun." I comment, feigning a lack of sympathy.

"Yeah well you loved it. Felt like a fucking tart though."

"Well you look like a model babe, seriously sophisticated. Every eye in that club was on you all night."

"Jealous?"

I nodded a little sheepishly,

"Muppet!"

I have to nod at that as well. "Be nice to me Emily or I won't give you your present."

Her eyes light up, she's like a little kid when you mention presents. I hold open the bag I've been carrying to her and she looks inside.

"Naomi it's perfect!" she squeals as she drags out her old jumper and pulls it on. I watch it as it's pulled down over the dress, hiding everything I've been staring at all evening.

"Not from where I'm standing it's not."

She hugs me again, "You think of everything don't you?"

"Well one of us has to be the sensible one dear, tonight it's my turn." I reach into my bag and grab my favourite cardigan. It has shrunk a little since she dumped me into the paddling pool wearing it, but it still fits and it's warm and that's all that matters. I pull it on snuggling into the warmth it generates as it hits my bare skin.

"We're a pair of sad bastards aren't we?" She asks as she snuggles into me.

Sensible Emily, Sensible bastards, besides as you say it's fucking freezing."

"Yeah, roll on Goa!"

I have to agree.

.

.

.

**A/N – **Another one down, another step further along the journey. Sorry if you're a JJ/Panda fan, they're not a big part of this story so they get a fleeting visit here. This really is a filler chapter, nothing important going on, well apart from four key interrelated things and none of them involve travel plans.

Basically it's just a bit of fluffy fun to remind you all that things are still kicking along happily. Hope you like it. I'm thinking the next chapter is going to be a mix of POV's just for the change and that avalanche will start to move properly next time. The cracks in the snow are forming…just needs the bang now to make it fall.


	12. Bang!

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent, (down from severe OK?). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**A/N –**Lenoschka , I've just been reliably informed that if you don't stop thinking about Ems like that Naomi is going to take one of those frozen chickens and...well… I've told her that's its probably biologically impossible but she's insisting that she'll give it a good try. Oh and that goes to the people that keep re-reading Chapter 3 and none of the others as well, pervs d-:

Short mixed up one this time, a little pace is required methinks. Plus a couple of bounces around in time so try and keep up (-:

**Chapter 12 – Bang!**

_Katie_

No, _No_ _NO, _**NO, **_**NO!!!!**_

Not again. Not a-_fucking_-gain_. _

What the _fuck_ am I doing?

***

_Naomi_

I hate waking up alone. Over the last few months I think I've more than paid for every time I'd ran from Emily, or forced her to run from me; leaving one of us alone in bed.

Over the last week I've got used to her being there next to me when I've woken up; got used to it all over again. Her red hair draped, more often that not, across me or across my pillow. This morning I've woken up alone and I'm not liking it.

I know she's only left to go for that interview Lara is setting her up with but it's not yet ten and her side of the bed is cold, like she was never there. I hope she's back soon, I've only just woke up and I'm missing her already.

Part of me knows it's as a result of last night. For a small moment I had a dragon escape from its cage; it was quickly captured and locked up mainly thanks to Katie and her intervention but I can't help remembering just how jealous and angry I was in that nightclub. I'm not particularly proud of it, but it's all so new again and still so fragile; I can't help thinking that at any stage she'll come to her senses and dump me.

I know I've got no reason to think that, I know I'm fucking paranoid; the last couple of days have shown me that. I guess that deep down after six years of hiding I still can't believe it, can't believe we're together. I've got her back and I can't lose her again.

I really should get out of bed; I need to do some chores before getting ready for work this afternoon but I can't be arsed. Resigned to being a twat for the morning I pull her pillows towards me, push my face into them and head back to sleep. Perhaps next time I wake up, I won't be alone.

***

I'm woken by the front door slamming close and footsteps running up the stairs. She bounces into the room and throws herself onto the bed.

"Naoms, I'm home."

"I'd noticed," I reply. Inside though, I'm thinking _'thank fuck for that_'.

***

_Effy_

I was dreaming about Katie _Fucking_ Fitch, and not in a good way. That's just fucking weird.

It's been a strange few days. Yesterday apparently I was hugging Katie in my sleep in the morning, her best mate at lunchtime and her date at night.

Ok so it _wasn't_ a date, but we did spend the whole evening together and then ended up in bed, so I guess technically it was a date. I suppose it counts as a date in my world, when you look at the things I've got to compare it to. That describes pretty much all I ever did with Cook and Freddie. In fact you could say it was a lot more than I ever did with Cook, he never stayed the night, never stayed for long after we'd finished. At least Katie's still here, though perhaps if we'd actually fucked she wouldn't be. After all, they all 'love me and leave me' in the end.

I guess people would be shocked that I'm actually thinking about fucking Katie. I don't know why they would be, I'm not as prejudiced as she is, or as paranoid as Naomi was. I'm not hung up on sex or sexuality, the way I see it a fuck is a fuck, love is love, it doesn't matter who it is, or what gender they are. I'd always wanted to tell Naomi that, you can't help who you love, you just do. Look at me and Freddie.

Though I'm not saying that I love Katie; not by a long shot. I _can't_ love her; I still love Freddie, even if he is dead.

I do like her though; I actually like her a lot. I would probably go so far as to say I fancy her a little; she looked like a diamond last night. I couldn't help saying 'wow' when she walked in with Emily. For someone that usually dresses like a D-List WAG all short skirts and leopard skin she scrubs up nicely when she tries. She's also quite good fun to be with once you get below that bitchy exterior. We'd had a laugh, she makes me feel good.

"Eff?"

_Shit_, she's awake. Fuck I hope she's not going to freak again.

"Katiekins?" I reply, stick to the old coolness Elizabeth that's right. Don't give anything away.

"What time is it?"

I pick up the phone from the bedside table. "Quarter past eleven, give or take."

"Fuck, I should have texted Emily last night, where's my fucking phone." She's out of bed and digging through her bag.

"Katie," I say holding out the phone to her.

"Thanks Eff." She starts texting her sister, "She's going to fucking kill me isn't she? I promised I'd text her if I wasn't going home."

Isn't that strange, it's normally Katie that's complaining Emily isn't telling her exactly where she is. How times change...I decide to put her out of her misery.

"Katie I texted Ems last night when we got home, from that phone, you're in the clear." She smiled at me, and then she hugged me, it felt...well, nice. I'm not really sure what to do here.

"Thanks Eff, I really don't want to disappoint Ems you know. She's been so good to me recently; you all have."

Alarm bells are ringing through my head...getting too close Effy, time to close off and push them away.

"Well you can't disappoint me Katiekins; I'm the one that encourages you to get into these messes. You should stay away from me, I fuck everyone up."

I wish she wouldn't smile at me that way.

***

_Emily_

"I got the job, I got the job, _I_ got the job..."

I'm practically bouncing on the bed; OK I am actually bouncing on the bed. Naomi's looking at me with pity in her eyes.

"You are such a baby, you know that?" She states shaking her head at me. I don't care, I got the job. I got the girl and I got the job how fucking cool is that?

"Yeah well, you love me don't you, so get over it."

I'm smiling at her like an idiot. Nothing can ruin this mood, the Far East is a go, couple of weeks working to get a few extra quid and we're off, Singapore was my first idea but there are so many places I'd like to go, Hong Kong, China, Naomi's mentioned Japan in the past. I'd tried to sound so confident last night, like I'd sorted it already, but honestly I'd only just thought of it after talking to Lara about working. We'll talk about it later, perhaps get out the maps lay them all over this bed again eat Garibaldi's and dream about where we could go.

It'll be just like the old days, except this time we'll do it, all of it.

Together.

The next few months will be a life changing experience for us both; I just know it. It'll make us. All of the hidden paranoia, all of the fear, the hurt and the regret we're sharing - it's going to be lost as the distance between us and fucking Bristol increases. We'll be forged together within the heat of the world and all that will be left once that crucible has cooled will be pure love, just me and her, ready to make a new life for ourselves in London.

"What you thinking babe?"

I realise she's looking at me, soft eyes staring into mine. She's got beautiful eyes, clear and blue with a darker band around them that just locks you in, stops you escaping. When she smiles, and I mean properly smiles, her eyes just intensify, they light up like searchlights and they burn right through you. I love her eyes, love her.

I don't reply, not with words anyway, I don't _need_ words to tell her what I'm thinking, don't _have_ words to express it all; but that's ok. As long as I've got eyes, hands, arms and lips I can tell her. Make up for the limitations in language; make up for the fact that "I Love You" just doesn't cut it; just isn't enough...

...and I _know_ she understands.

***

_Katie_

I don't know what's going on here, don't understand what I'm feeling, don't understand anything really.

Why is she telling me to stay away from her? Doesn't she know I need her, need her to keep me sane, need them all?

I just smile at her; it's the smile I use a lot. Ems tells me I look vacuous when I do it, I looked it up when she first said it, and then I punched her. Cheeky bitch.

"You don't encourage me Eff; I've been getting fucked up like this for years. This is me remember? Katie Fitch complete bitch."

It's true, if I'm honest even _I_ don't like myself most of the time. I'm cruel, vindictive, a total tart but most of all I'm unhappy. I've gone about my life doing things because I wanted to, no, actually I've done them because I thought people expected it of me.

Even with Emily.

For nearly 18 years I've been a total shit to my sister. I know she hates me, she's been saying it often enough since we were kids, I've seen the tape, even the bit she added at the end last year after we sat and watched our younger selves, the one she doesn't think I know she did. I know she loves me as well despite it all. But I was the oldest twin; it was my job to be in charge, to tell her what to do and who to like. I blame mum, she encouraged me from a really young age, but I enjoyed it, enjoyed the power it gave me.

I'm not a nice person to be around really. I date and fuck boys because that's what you do isn't it? You get together with a bloke, fuck like rabbits and then see if he stays. The good ones stay and don't stray, the rest are just learning experiences and you get to think of them as twats. It's just life; sex is all I've really got going for me. Sex is power, that's all there is to it. I use sex to make me feel better about myself and it worked until I slept with Freddie. That's when it all changed for me, because I felt special when I was with him, even if he was thinking of Effy. I feel special when I'm with her.

She's just looking at me as I smile at her, fucking mysterious Effy. I have no idea what's going on in that head of hers but I really wish I did.

"Say something Katie, say you're going to go, leave me alone, save yourself."

But I don't want to, I really don't. She makes me _feel_, it's as simple as that, even the pain of Freddie's loss is numbed by being around her, because she understands, because she's my friend.

"Eff, I don't want to leave you alone, you're my friend."

Yeah, friend Katie, you tell her.

"I love you."

Fuck me where did that come from, I see the shock hit her face.

"As a friend Effy, don't panic. Emily's the muff-muncher not me. I love you as a friend."

"Wouldn't matter to me." She whispered almost too low to hear, but I caught it, just.

"What?"

"Fuck," she mumbles, "Nothing Katie, nothing. Just muttering."

'_Really Effy Stonem? How fucking unconvincing'_.

Part of me thinks I should leave this here, let us both sink back into our mutual misery and forget that this fucked up conversation ever happened. I have the feeling that we're both in far too deep here but I can't let this go. I need to know what she meant.

"No Effy, it wasn't just nothing. What the fuck did that mean?"

I say it a little bit harsher than I'd intended and I see her eyes moisten. I put my hand on hers and take a breath.

"Sorry Eff, I didn't mean it like that," fuck's sake I hate trying to apologise. "What did you mean? Please tell me."

She took a deep breath and looked at me, "I meant it wouldn't matter to me if you _were_ gay Katie, you're a friend and it really doesn't matter to me. I've been trying to tell Naomi and Emily that for two years now. You are what you are."

I'm still not convinced, it doesn't fit.

"That's not it is it Effy?" she glared at me and went to speak, "Truth!" I interrupted.

She slumped back onto the bed, her mouth opening and closing as she fought to speak. I squeezed her hand by way of encouragement then without warning she's hugging me, tears flooding from her eyes. I hug her back wondering where this has come from.

"Katie I can't do this, not now. Please just go and leave me alone, don't make me fuck you up as well. I can't do this to you, everyone that touches my life gets fucked up, Mum and Dad, Tony, Freddie, Cook. Don't let me fuck you up anymore than I already have."

"Why Effy, why do you want me to leave you, why don't you want us to be friends, why do you think you'll fuck me up?" I'm actually fucking hurt, really hurt. She dragged herself back and looked me in the eyes, I'm not sure what I'm looking at but we're both crying I do know that. Tears are running down my face.

"Why can't we be together Eff, why force me away like this?"

In reply she kissed me, and not like a friend. Not like someone comforting another person helping them through a troubled time, not like a parent kissing a fevered brow but like a lover, her lips pressed to mine gently but passionately. I can't help myself but respond, my lips moving in time with hers, reacting to her every movement.

Suddenly at my touch she pulls back and looks at me, fear clouding her eyes.

"That's why Katie, now do you fucking understand? I fucking _like_ you ok? I _hate_ myself for it; _hate_ what it means to Freddie's memory. _Hate_ the fact that we've got so close, that I feel _this_ comfortable with you. Fucking hate myself for _feeling_, you understand?"

"Oh."

OK as a response it's fucking lame, but I can't find anything else to say. She's looking at me in horror as if I'd just punched her. I'm trying to speak but I don't know what to say. I'm rescued by the phone ringing downstairs and with a sob she's gone and I'm left with my thoughts.

***

_Naomi_

So I _am_ an object of lust, and it _is_ making me happy.

Very fucking happy indeed thank you very much, well very happy when it comes to Emily. Not very happy that the pimply twat that I'm working with keeps looking at me as if it's my duty to fuck him. He acts like Cook, but without the panache or the charisma!

Gay, Bi or straight. In a relationship, complicated or single, I think I'd rather rip out my kidneys that allow myself to be touched by this wanker.

So yes, where Emily is concerned it is making me happy. I can't help thinking back to this afternoon as I put another box of washing power onto the already full shelf. Barely two sensible words out of the girl and she's jumped me. I'm not complaining being jumped by Ems isn't exactly a chore. Like I say, I'm an object of lust and I'm loving it all over again.

What's even better is that unlike any of the boys I've slept with she's happy to curl up and talk afterwards. She doesn't feel the need to leave or fall asleep. Well not immediately anyway...that girl really is an Olympic standard sleeper. Today we've had a long talk over her new job, our trip and where in the Far East we should visit. Last night it all seemed so fixed in her mind, but today she's allowed me some input and I love her for it. It's nice to be able to plan together and mean it, unlike the last time we scattered maps around the room and talked about Mexico.

I'm dragged back to the mundane reality of washing power by a seemingly casual brush across my arse by 'pimples'. No _fucking_ way does he get away with that again. I snap out my arm and grab the offending hand, twisting it round and dragging him towards me his wrist pinned.

"Simon if you even _think_ about touching me again one of three things is going to happen to you. " I announce, fixing him with my best death-stare.

"If you're lucky I'll _just_ report you to Alastair for sexual harassment, if you're unlucky I'll snap those fingers right off your hand and feed them to you one by one, _then_ I'll report you."

I twisted his wrist a little more. He winced in pain and gulped, withering under my glare. _'Ha! That's right little boy, messed with the wrong girl here.'_

"and..." I continued, "If you're _really_ unlucky I'll mention what you just did to my girlfriend who will, let me assure you, be very interested in your affection. She's very jealous though let me warn you and a vicious little red-head she is too. But don't worry; I'm sure they'll be able to stitch your balls back on...after you've shat them out that is."

I glared at his spotty face let go of him abruptly and then turned back to what I was doing, desperately trying to ignore him. I was interrupted from this by my supervisor who was staring at me.

"Look," I started defensively, "he deserved it, nasty little pervert. He's been trying to touch me up all day."

"Not what I'm here for Naomi, you have an urgent call from someone called Emily."

"Is she OK?" I can feel myself panicking; she would never ring the store unless there was something wrong.

"I have no idea, she wouldn't say. But she has said it was important and she couldn't get you on your mobile."

Of course she couldn't, it was in my locker and I wasn't due a break until the end of my shift.

"I suggest you take the call Naomi, you can take it in the office." He looked across at 'pimples'.

"Mr Harrop, I suggest that you finish stacking these shelves for Naomi whist she takes her urgent call. Oh, and when you're finished come and find me. I would like a word with you about appropriate behaviour in the workplace."

I walked away, worried but elated, _'take that pervert! I hope they sack you!'_

***

_Effy_

I can't believe I've just done that, what the fuck am I thinking of?

I've just fucking kissed Katie Fitch, homophobic queen bitch of fucking Bristol. She fucking freaked at me when I accidentally put my hand across her in my sleep and I've just fucking kissed her.

I can't lose her, she's been a rock I could lean on over the last week why the fuck did I kiss her?

Why did she kiss me back?

What the fuck does "oh" mean and what kind of a fucked up mental case am I?

Thankful for the escape route I head downstairs and answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Effy it's Karen."

My heart drops as I hear her voice, it doesn't sound good.

"Karen…what…what is it?"

"I need to see you Effy, can you come round?"

"What is it Karen?"

"Not over the phone, come around and I'll tell you then. I'm going to ring Katie now."

"Katie's here Karen, we'll be round as soon as we can."

I run back upstairs and start dragging clothes out of my wardrobe. "Get dressed Katie," I shout impatiently.

"Effy I'm sorry."

"What?"

"About what happened, I'm sorry."

Shit, I'd literally forgotten about that, caught up in my worries about what Karen had to tell us.

"Later Katie, it was my fault. I shouldn't have done what I did. But if you need to yell at me do it later alright? Now get dressed, that was Karen. She's got something to tell us.

Fuck I hope it's good news. I doubt it is, but I can hope can't I?

Sometimes miracles do happen.

***

_Emily_

Well today has been a pretty good day. In fact if there's a scale of happiness for recent days this is right up there.

So here I am, lying on our bed, sprawled across the duvet as I allow myself to just relax, Nai's gone to work, Katie's not here and the house is just silent. For the first time in a long time I allow myself to enjoy the silence.

Silence is good, when you're on your own. This house has had too many bad silences recently, but this is most certainly a good one.

God this is nice, nothing to do, nothing to think about, nothing to worry about. Content and happy I allow myself to drift off to sleep.

***

**BANG!**

I'm woken by the front door slamming closed and the sound of crying from downstairs. Pulling on a t-shirt I race down the steps to find my sister curled up and crying in the hallway. Instinctively I drop down next to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She twists and buries her head into my chest.

Whatever has happened it's not good; I've not seen her this upset since we found out about Freddie.

"Katie," I say as soothingly as I can, "What's wrong? What's happened?"

"They've found Freds Emsy, they've found him." She stammers out between sobs. My heart falls; I have to ask the obvious, stupid fucking question even though I already know the answer.

"Did they find him alive?"

She sobs again shaking her head and clutching me even tighter. I have no idea what to say to her, no idea at all. All I can do is hold her, stroke her hair and tell her I'm here, here for her. A sudden thought crosses my mind.

"Kay, where's Effy? Does she know, is she alright?"

"Don't know she ran off when we found out. Ran off and left me. I had no-where else to go."

"Fucks sake Katie you came to the right place, you came home, came back to me. _'_Never ever thieve_, love each other_ don't deceive' remember? I love you Katie and I'll always be here for you. Wherever I am you can call it home."

She just carries on crying her head shaking against me as she sobs. In the back of my mind I'm running it all through, _shit _I need to ring Naomi, or Panda or someone. We need to find Effy but I can't leave Katie.

What the fuck do I do now?

***

_Effy_

'_Wish I knew where I was.'_

'_Wish I knew what I was doing.' _

'_Wish Freddie was here,' _

'_Wish anyone was here.'_

'_Wish I wasn't so fucking alone.'_

.

.

.

**A/N – **Sorry it's a bit later than expected, really struggled with this one, guess I can't write multiple characters at the same time, that and work and getting hit with a virus, (computer one thankfully) all delayed me a little. Time to stop playing with writing styles and get on with it Es', more up this week work permitting.

Oh and according to the traffic figures there are more of you reading this rubbish that read Dragons. Seriously guys, go read that, it's in the completed section and it's far, far better than this drabble! IMHO anyway, [plug, plug (-:].


	13. Cracks in the Ice – Part One

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent, (down from severe OK?). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**A/N – **OK, OK I know it's a bit late, well later than I'd hoped anyway and a bit short, well shorter than recent chapters. I'll explain later but for now my apologies and say hello to Chapter 13, the one with blood on the copy, (figuratively not literally).

Oh and apologies in advance, Naomi's a little stressed and may be prone to bad language, if you don't like it hit the back button [love the line Stunty, had to rob it, it's the Scouser in me (-;]

**Chapter 13 – Cracks in the Ice – Part One**

_Naomi_

It's cold and it's wet, the turgid excuse for a Bristol summer has decided to hide itself today and the dark clouds have swept in up the Bristol Channel obscuring the Severn bridge and covering the city in a deluge of torrential rain. It's kind of fitting really, the weather matches our mood. Grey and miserable.

But then funerals aren't really intended to be happy events are they?

_7 Days Previously 10:05PM _

I'm trying not to run but it's a struggle. As I burst through the vinyl doors that separate the nice clean store front from the grubby and dark warehouse area I'm practically speedwalking towards the team leader's office wondering what the hell is wrong with Ems.

As I walk into the small office I can see Anna the management bane of my existence sitting at her cluttered desk.

"Naomi, your calls on line 2, use Pete's phone he's not around tonight."

I mutter my thanks and pick up the phone.

"Ems? You there hun?"

"Fucking hell Nai, thank God, I couldn't get hold of you."

"Sorry babe, I can't carry my phone on the shop floor remember? What's the matter, is everything ok, are you all right?"

I can't keep the slight hint of panic out of my voice as I speak; she's _never_ rung me at work, always calls my mobile and leaves a message on my voicemail so I can call her back on my all too infrequent breaks.

"Katie's here in tears Nai and Effys gone missing," there was a long pause and I could her compose herself through tears; I'd recognise her crying-sniff anywhere; God knows I've made her cry often enough to know it like the sound of my own voice. My heart breaks all over again, I hate to hear her cry.

"They've found Freddie's body hun, they've found him and I don't know what to do. Effy's gone, Katie doesn't know where and I'm fucking terrified she'll do something stupid."

Jesus she sounds fucked up; Katie must be in a real mess. I take a deep breath, time to be strong for her Campbell, time to be strong all over again.

"Calm down babe, it's ok yeah? You worry about Katie; I'll call JJ or Panda and sort something out about finding Eff. I get out of here in an hour and I'll start looking as well."

Silence at the end of the phone, "Ems you there, you ok?"

"I'm here Nai; I'm sorry I thought about Panda, I should have rung her first, guess I just couldn't think straight."

"Ems it's fine, really I'm glad you called me, glad you wanted to call me. I'll sort it OK?"

"I'm sorry I rang work. I haven't got you into trouble have I?"

"Don't care if you have babe," I reply. I don't either, you've got to have priorities in life and this is only a part time fucking summer job. Like I care what this place thinks of me really.

"No," I continue, trying to reassure her. "I don't think so. It'll be fine. Look, give me a chance to make a couple of calls and I'll sort this out. Leave it with me babe, you make sure Katie is all right yeah?."

"Thanks Nai, I love you."

"Love you too Ems, see you in a bit ok!"

I put the phone down and sigh, Effy's gone walkabout because they've found Freddie; then it hits me.

'They've found Freddie's body' she'd said.

_Body_.

Not they'd found Freddie and he's alive and well, they'd found his body. He's definitely dead then, _fuck_.

It's the finality of it all that crushes your soul; the sudden, irreversible removal of hope. Whilst there was no body found there was hope; even though we all knew that it was microscopic.

'_There's always hope'_ is what that little, oh-so fucking positive, voice in the back of our heads had told us; and they'd listened. Listened, so they could go about our lives and continue as normal. No matter what they had said, I know Effy and Katie had clung onto that thin strand of hope with both hands and now it would slip through their fingers like fine sand, leaving them empty.

Hope...what a fucking _joke_.

I slump into the chair at the enormity of it all; not because now we know he's dead. I was in the room with Cook; I _knew_ he was dead, I hadn't listened to the voice. No, I'm stunned by the enormity of what the discovery would mean. Already Emily sounded at breaking point; Katie was apparently a mess and Effy; well who fucking knows what Effy might do. I'm fucking terrified at what might happen as a result of this and selfishly I can't help but worry about what it would inevitably mean to me and Ems. No matter how hard we might try to stay above this I know we'll get dragged in again, get dragged in deep. We're talking about her sister, we can't do half measures.

_Fucking hell..._

"Naomi are you alright?"

It's Anna, the self-important 'dairy' team leader. Little Miss I've got a fucking career plan here so you should do what I tell you. No surprise we don't get on, apparently I _'obviously wasn't cut out to work in dairy'_.

"I'm fine Anna, just got some bad news. That was my girlfriend on the phone."

I don't know why she looked shocked, I've been pretty open about me and Ems, practically shouted it from the rooftops actually, I was _that_ proud to have her back. I had a picture of us inside my locker and everything, I'm long past being scared.

Plus I _know_ Anna knows, just as I know she's been behind some of the cattiest comments that have been thrown around behind my back. I looked up to meet her eyes. Fuck the job, I don't care anymore. Here we go Anna, prepare yourself for the ride of your fucking life, here comes the full on Naomi Campbell 'I don't know when to shut my mouth-ism' overload and it's been a long time coming bitch...

"_She's_ just ringing to tell me that one of our friends has been found, it's only been a week or two since he went missing; but now they've found him. Well they've found his _fucking_ _body_; my best mate is in prison because he found out that he was battered to death by his girlfriend's psychologist. Did a number on Dr Creepy, put him in hospital by way of revenge, so they charged him with assault because the police didn't believe his story. Now it sounds like they've found Freddie and he's _dead_. Fucked up yeah?"

I know I shouldn't be this much of a bitch, but I'm not strictly myself at the moment; her eyes go wide at my little tirade.

"Jesus, Naomi, is...is that true."

I perform the patented Campbell eye roll, apparently first performed by my Great Grandmother, and passed down from mother to daughter over three generations solely so we can express, without the need for mere words, what a complete _fucktard_ we believe someone is.

"Every fucking word Anna, cross my heart and hope you die. Emily _is_ my girlfriend, so at the very least you can take pride that the 'fucking dyke' comments you've been throwing around here have a basis in fact. Both in terms of, I guess, _dyke_ and _fucking_ as Ems and I have a _very_ passionate relationship, you should try one love, it might make you smile more.

Anyway, to summarise for the mentally infirm, my best mate, James Cook, is in prison because he beat the shit out of his ex-girlfriends psychiatrist who allegedly beat his ex-girlfriends new boyfriend, who just happens to be Cooks best mate Fred, _to death_!"

I shake my head, it's like something from a shitty US drama, something to keep the ratings up and give the writers some kudos at 'shock value'. It's not real, can't be fucking real, this is fucking Bristol, not New York.

"You still with me Anna?

So now my girlfriend's twin sister is in pieces because she's finally admitted she loved Fred and our friend Elizabeth who happens to be both the ex-girlfriend in question and a recently released mental patient with suicidal tendencies has gone missing. So if you don't mind I'd _really_ like to stop telling you this fucked up story and go and get my phone so I can get some of our friends out on the fucking streets and find her before she fucking _kills_ _herself_."

She looks stunned; I'm not surprised really, bye-bye summer job, hello dole queue. I get up from the chair and walk out of the office. As I put my hand on the door handle I hear her speak behind me.

"Naomi...look I'm sorry for all of this, go home, sort this out. Go find your friend. Don't worry about coming in tomorrow. I'll cover for you, I'll make sure Alastair knows what's going on, I'll make sure you don't lose your hours either."

I turn and look at her slightly shocked, she looks sincere.

"Just call us and let us know if you're ok. I might be a bitch Naomi but I'm not a totally heartless cow. You piss me off and I guess I piss you off but that's just work. It's unimportant right now. Now fuck off and sort your shit out before I change my mind and remember to let me know if you need anything OK?"

I nod and smile, perhaps she's not a total homophobic cow after all, perhaps she still is but perhaps it's also time for a little humble pie.

"Thanks Anna and I'm sorry for going off at you."

"No you're not Naomi, and I wouldn't expect you to be either, not in these circumstances. Now go!"

She turned back to the pile of papers on her desk and without any further words I'm running for the lockers.

Fifteen minutes later and I'm wandering the streets. It's pretty fucking aimless really but I've got to feel like I'm doing something. I've called Panda and JJ, they're out hunting too. Panda's heading to some of their old drinking spots in town, JJ's heading for Effy's, it had struck me early on I have no clue where the girl lives when she's not sleeping at ours. Panda's pointed me in the direction of the park. She says that Eff and her used to go drinking there and it's not too far from where I'm working. It's a cold night but I'm taking a longer route than I could, walking here and there hoping to catch a glance of her somewhere on the streets around the park.

I know it's a long shot, the chances of bumping into her at night in a city as large as Bristol must be fucking astronomical but you never know. That little voice is talking to me about not giving up hope and I'm listening though the cold is actually biting. What the fuck happened to summer? I'm distracted from the misery of cold by the buzz of my phone in my bag and I grab it hoping its Emily. My hopes are dashed when the caller ID just reads TWAT.

I know it's not fair on JJ, but, well, he still is and probably always will be a twat to me. He slept with Ems, simple as that. I'm not really a 'forgive and forget' kind of girl, I can be nice though if necessary, but only for someone I care about...like Ems. Muttering to myself I answer the call.

"JJ any news?"

"Er, actually yes, but realistically no. I've been to Effy's house and there's no answer at her door, which means that either she isn't there or that she doesn't want to answer. I think the odds are on the former as there aren't any lights on in the building and statistically people always put lights on after dark even if they…"

"JJ…_**JJ**_" I interrupt before he rambles any further. "Have you found her or not?"

"Sorry, sorry, no. No I haven't found her."

"Do you know where her mum is?"

"No, sorry."

"Right keep looking JJ; call me if you find her. OK?"

I hang up without waiting for a reply.

_6 Days Previously 12:05AM_

'_Fucking Effy, where the fuck are you?"_

I'm cold and tired, my feet hurt and I'm fucking sick and tired of walking the streets of Bristol. I made it into the park about twenty minutes ago after wandering around with no sign of her. It's dark in the park and frankly I'm sticking solely to the lit paths, no sense in being fucking stupid is there?

After five minutes of walking I'm deep into the centre of the park walking along the concrete path that surrounds the boating lake. I'm sure it's a pretty sight in the daytime, at night it's just fucking creepy with the moonlight reflecting off the water casting movement onto the trees. I shudder and pull myself together, _'Grow the fuck up Naomi, you're not ten anymore. Big girl now remember!'_

It was then I saw a shape lying on a bench ahead of me, _'another fucking tramp, great' _the last one I'd seen tonight had followed me for ages until I screamed at him to fuck off and leave me alone and threatened him with a bottle I'd picked up.

As I got closer to the bench, careful to walk on the far side of the path just in case, I spot that if it is a tramp, it's well dressed one. I take a careful step nearer and realise it is who I'm looking for.

"Effy, what the _fuck_"

The head of the shape rises slightly before slumping back down onto crossed arms. I run across the last few feet and stand in front of her.

"Hi Naomi, how are you today?" Easy going and casual, I'm left wondering what the fuck she has taken. She sounds more stoned than usual.

"Effy, fucks sake it's fucking late, what the fuck are you doing lying on this fucking bench. Jesus, you haven't even got a fucking coat on, you must be fucking freezing."

"I'm fine Naomi. What are you doing here?"

"Looking for you, what the fuck do you _think_ I'm doing?"

"Why are you looking for me Naomi? I don't understand, I'm fine."

I'm getting annoyed now, I know I shouldn't but I am, I've been wandering the streets since ten-thirty looking for her and she doesn't know why.

"Because you went fucking missing Effy. That's why. No-one knew where you were and everyone is worried about you."

"I just needed a bit of time. A bit of time by myself that's all. No need to worry about me; I just needed to be somewhere quiet, by myself."

She's shivering with the cold I notice; at least I think it's with the cold. I glance at my watch

"Effy it's twenty past fucking midnight of course we were worried about you. Emily and Katie are frantic."

I know I'm guessing here, I haven't spoke to Ems since I left the store, but I bet I'm not far from the truth though. I reach out and grab her hand pulling her up from her prone position.

"Come on you, time to get you home."

"Don't want to go home Naomi, want to stay here. I can hear Freddie here, it's quiet, no noise. I can hear him clearly. I want to stay here with Freddie."

I drag her forcibly off the bench, my patience lapsing.

"No you fucking don't Effy Stonem, you are _not_ going fucking crazy here on your own. There are no voices here; if you can _hear_ Fred now you can hear him _anywhere_. Time to go home Eff, Ems and Katie are waiting. You can talk to Fred at ours if it makes you feel better."

She stands there next to me looking like it was me that murdered Freddie, _fuck you Stonem, it's for your own fucking good_. I pull my phone from out of my pocket and text Ems, Panda and JJ.

'_call off the search guys got her taking her home thx N'_

I'm having to practically drag Effy to our house, every time I try to talk to her she just clams up and looks away. So I guess _I'm_ the twat again, fine not a fucking problem I'm used to it. This time, however, I'm doing it for Effy's own good. I'm not leaving her to sleep on a park bench wearing fuck all, if for no other reason than _everyone_ I know would fucking kill me. So I put up with the glares and the pouts and the mutterings from her and practically frog-march her to the house. As I opened the door I heard Ems call out.

"Nai is that you? Is Effy with you?"

"Yes and Yes," I reply simply, pushing Effy through the doorway and into the house. Within seconds of seeing Katie and Emily in the living room she's broken away from me. I'm watching from the hallway as she moves towards Katie, they look at each other for a second and then Effy flinches away and throws herself into Emily's arms.

'_fucking hell, here we go again'_

I've got one of those horrible feelings of Déjà vu; this is so horribly familiar I feel like I should be sitting on the floor holding Katie again. Fuck that, not after last time.

I sit down and look at everyone. "Guys, before I fall asleep where I stand, would someone _please_ tell me what's going on?"

Ems and Katie are looking at me like I'm a leper, time to tell the truth, but play a little stupid.

"Look, all I know is you called me at work Ems and tell me they've found Freddie. Then you tell me that Effy's gone AWOL and no-one knows where she is. You sounded really worried babe and it scared me OK? It's one o'clock in the morning and I'm fucking tired and confused. Please guys tell me what's going on."

I look at Katie, "Katie will you tell me, can you tell me?"

She nods, looks at her sister, wrapped in an Effy shaped hug, arms wrapped around each other and without a word walks into the kitchen. I take this as my cue and with an effort follow her, pausing to kiss Em on the way through. The dragon called _'Jealousy'_ is rattling at her cage again and I'm trying to hold onto Ems to keep her locked in.

Five minutes later I've got the full story, well as much as Katie knows anyway. It's pretty disturbing if the truth be told. Foster has had his life ripped apart by 'Bristol's finest' and they found exactly nothing, sweet fuck all. Only the clothes and the shoes that Cook found when he broke in, and he fucking showed them where they were!

So they did what plod always does and "expanded their enquiries" a Police term for twatting about without any real clue. Except this time they came up trumps; just goes to show that luck comes to all of us.

One routine enquiry led them to an ex-girlfriend who apparently dumped Dr Fucking Foster because he was, quote, _'fucking weird'_.

Well, we all thank you for that insight love, perhaps a little too late yeah?

So, Katie's told me that this 'ex' told them of an old hangout of his, a barn at a friend's farm where he kept a classic car he was 'refurbishing.' So they got a warrant and paid it a visit; inside was a little treasure trove of evidence, bloodstained rug, lots of distance photo's of Effy, fucking stalker, and more importantly in some freshly turned earth outside a set of black bags wrapped around the body of Frederick McClair. Well that's what the evidence shows, they're waiting for the confirmation from DNA testing. They won't allow the family to view the body at the moment, from what Katie's told me Karen thinks it's too badly beaten to be recognisable.

That's where I came in, Karen told Katie and Effy, Effy legged it and Katie came here. Ems has done her best to patch her up and to be honest she's holding up ok as far as I can tell. Perhaps the old bitchy Katie is still functioning inside the new, vulnerable version. One last question to ask; one little jealous nerve to soothe, hopefully.

"So Katie, how come you're in here with me and not out there with Effy?"

"What's that supposed to mean Campbell?" she snaps, her eyes suddenly cold. I'm shocked; this is the face of the old Katie, the pre-Love Ball Katie. The Katie Fitch that would punch me as soon as look at me, I think I may have touched a nerve. As calmly as I can I answer her, she doesn't frighten me, never really has.

"What I mean, Katie, is that you two have been really close recently, practically inseparable and now Effy's out there hugging my girlfriend and you're in here. I thought that perhaps you might have turned to each other yet she looks like she hates you, me as well for that matter. What happened did you have a falling out?"

She looks at the floor, spot on Naomi, something is fucking wrong with this picture.

"Nothing to do with you Naomi, stay out of it. We'll be fine."

I open my mouth and then close it. It's not a good day for this and I put an extra padlock on my dragons' cage and leave it alone. I'll deal with this another day, now it's time for bed. I'm fucking shattered.

.

.

.

**A/N – **So there you go a shorter chapter; 'Cracks' part two is an Emily POV follow on. It was going to be one big chapter but it wasn't working hence the shortness. Hope it works for you all. This chapter has been _so_ hard to write as my mind keeps running away with what's coming up and forgetting about the "present" but I'm getting there. Spending a day writing the drafts for later chapters has helped my brain overload problems. Plus I'm finally involved in the 'week from hell' now the flights into the UK have opened so writing time has been lacking. I'll try to do better I promise.

But have you noticed how many really good stories keep getting updated around here?

_I'm In Pieces, Baby Fix Me_; Complicated Life; _Check In, Checked Out Aka Visitor_; Ink, _Anything To Declare_; I Hold A Force...; _Electric Feel_; For The Sake Of Politics, _Vanishing_; The Lost And The Lonely and _Maybe It Was Always You_ to name but a few that have caused me a few late nights reading recently.

Guys I love you all, but my girls need me to write their stories and you aren't helping by being so bloody good and dragging me away from my own work to read and re-read yours. Especially when it means 2am finishes and 6am starts!

I won't tell you, dear reader, to go look at any of the above because I just know you're already doing so. Anyway I've got a 3 day weekend coming with nothing to do but write and go shopping...and I hate shopping, though I do have a desperate need to buy more trainers! Hopefully I'll get a few chapters done after I've blown my salary on new Vans! So until the weekend people; sweet dreams and thanks for reading.


	14. Cracks in the Ice – Part Two

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent, (down from severe OK?). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**A/N – **Woohoo it's a bank holiday weekend here in the UK, Mrs Es is off trying to adopt another critter for our menagerie and I'm here, with peace and quiet and the chance to write away. So here you go, Part two as promised. One more part to this little section I think then we're off again. Hope you're all OK with the timeline changing.

Enjoy, and if you are off tomorrow, enjoy the long weekend as well (-:

**Chapter 14 – Cracks in the Ice – Part Two**

_Emily_

I can't stop the tears falling down my face; luckily they're hidden by the rain that's falling in buckets from the black skies. The cemetery's grass is sodden and I can feel the water soaking into my shoes.

I'm stood with Effy and Katie; we're waiting slightly apart from the main party, feeling a little like unwelcome guests if the truth be told. Karen and her dad are graveside along with members of their family. Cook is stood with Karen, subtly flanked by his prison escort for the day, and JJ. Naomi's stood just behind me; I keep turning to catch her eye but she's not looking at me, apparently lost in her own thoughts.

I'm feeling very, very alone. I don't know how we got here but it's making me miserable. It's a miserable day and all I want to do is put my arms around her and have her do the same to me. I'm aching to feel her hold me, comfort me, make it all go away; if only for a moment or two. Instead I'm holding onto Effy trying to comfort _her_ in her hour of need.

I look back at Naomi once more, imploring her with my mind to catch my eye, see my hurt, but she's just looking at the floor when she's not sharing glances with Cook. I can hear her clicking the lighter I bought her open and closed in her pocket. I guess this is all too much for her as well.

Fuck I want this to be over, want nothing more to climb on that plane and leave all this shit behind us. Only a few more weeks to go, only a few more short weeks.

_6 Days Previously 1:20AM_

So here I am again, Katie and Effy in the house and Effy slumped in my arms. Nai's in the kitchen with Katie, or at least she was. I feel her hand brush my shoulder and then she kisses me gently on the head.

"I'm fucking shattered and my feet are killing me, I'm going to go to bed. Night Ems."

"Yeah, night Nai," I reply leaning my head back and pulling her head down for a kiss. She places her lips on my forehead this time and then straightens and leaves. It's not like her, but then I guess that everything's fucked up tonight. I've learnt my lesson there though, I make a mental note to go up and make sure she's ok in a bit.

_6 Days Previously 1:52AM_

I'm realising that my "bit" is rapidly turning into fucking ages. Katie and Effy are sat in the same room, but there's an awkwardness between them that I've not seen in months, certainly not in the last couple of weeks.

Effy won't let go of me and I'm desperate to go and see Nai, and I'm scared to let her go. Katie's no fucking help; she's sat slumped in the corner refusing to even look across at us. I've had enough.

"Eff, I've got to get up." No response. I try moving but she's having none of it. "Effy come on, time to go to bed." I try again, a little more insistently.

Nothing, not a fucking thing, she's like a dead weight around my neck.

"Katie..._Katie_"

'_Fucks sake bitch snap out of it and help me' _I think as I glare across at her. She finally looks up.

"Bit of help here please, I need to go check on Naomi. Make sure she's ok."

With a sigh she gets up and comes over; not a great deal of help though, she just sits next to us and looks away. I've no fucking idea what's going on here but I'm not playing anymore. This is serious.

"Katie, please..."

With a resigned sigh she leans over and pulls at Effy who just flinches and pulls me tighter. I'm trying to be nice and considerate here but I really need to get up, need to be somewhere else. I pull her arms off me and ease her onto Katie who looks fucking petrified if I'm honest. Carefully straightening my now dead leg I ease myself to my feet and head upstairs quietly to our bedroom.

I ease open the door and find nothing, no Naomi, the bed untouched.

I'm suddenly hit by a wave of nausea, she was going to bed and she's not there. _'Where the fuck has she gone?'_ I check the bathroom only to have the door swing open revealing an empty room. Finally, I check the spare room, Katie's room, and there she is. Curled up on top of the mattress fast asleep, still fully clothed.

I don't want to wake her, but my heart is beating ten to the dozen and I've got to know that she's ok; I can't think why she'd be in here of all places. I sit down next to her and gently shake her shoulder.

"Naomi, Naomi wake up hun..."

She's muttering in her sleep as I shake her, I smile, she's telling her mum she wants five more minutes, Jesus, could she be any more adorable? I shake her a bit harder.

"Nai, you've got to wake up babe."

I'm rewarded by half an eyelid raising and a bleary eye looking at me; it closes as fast as it opened.

"Ems hun, I'm tired, let me sleep please. I've got to go to work in the morning; I'm doing a fucking split shift."

She's slurring her words, though thankfully this time I can tell it's through sleep and not through alcohol, fuck I feel guilty. Both for suspecting her, for not trusting her and for waking her up.

"Nai, you're in Katie's room babe, why aren't you in bed?"

"Thought I'd leave it for you and Effy again, I'll crash in here with Katie, don't want to cause a problem. She obviously needs you, doesn't need me, doesn't like me. Not after tonight anyway."

Problem? Like? What the fuck is she going on about? She's not making any sense at all.

I try to ask but she's snoring again. I shake her gently calling out her name but she just rolls over, pushing my hand away in her sleep. Accepting defeat I pull a blanket over her, kiss her on the cheek and leave her to it, heading downstairs. Time to see how those two are, and then head to bed myself. Naomi's not the only one with work in the morning.

I walk into the living room, Katie hasn't moved from the sofa, but Effy's now in the corner. I look at the tired face of my sister and she looks away.

"Don't Emsy"

"Don't what Kay?"

"Don't ask what you were going to ask ok? Just don't, it's a long story."

I nod, "Tell me later though yeah?"

She looks down at her feet, "Maybe."

It'll have to do. I've known her long enough not to push it.

"Right, well, Nai's being a twat and has crashed in your room rather than ours so I'm going to join her. You and Effy can have our room, or the floor or wherever. I don't really care, OK?"

"Fucks sake Ems what's up?"

Katie looks as though I've slapped her across the face and spat in her eye; I guess that did come across as somewhat pissy. But then again what _isn't_ up? I suppose I'm a bit fed up, I've got a horrible feeling of Déjà Vu and I've got no desire to sit to one side ignorantly watching Naomi self destruct because she's too fucking proud to talk to me, or because I'm too busy looking after these two to notice.

"Nothing's up Katie, Nai's come over all good fucking Samaritan again and this time I'm staying with her. I'm not leaving her alone again. So it's your job to look after Effy ok? We need to make sure both of them are ok."

For some reason she doesn't look happy about that idea, but I'm long past caring. I love them both but it's not my job to make sure they're ok tonight. Like Naom's said in the nightclub, _'they're both big girls'_, besides they've been really close recently, time to let them sort each other out.

I walked over and hugged Katie and then gently kissed Effy on the head. "Goodnight you two," I said as I left the room and headed for the stairs. "You know where everything is if you need anything."

So Katie thinks I'm a total shit, well, they she can just deal with it. Naomi's dragged Effy from fuck knows where and brought her back to ours but I'm not going to sit there hugging her any longer. I walk into the spare bedroom and strip to my shorts and snuggle into Naomi's back pulling the duvet over us. Effy and Katie may be totally fucked up, but I know where my priorities are and they're her, on this mattress, where she is..._wherever_ she is; and wrapping my arms around her body I allow myself to sleep.

_6 Days Previously 7:45AM_

I'm awoken at stupid o'clock in the morning by the light streaming through the open window. Carefully I disentangle myself from the foetal form of Naomi, leaving her asleep. I pick up my clothes, dress silently so as not to disturb her and head downstairs. Sleeping may be one of my favourite things, but once I'm awake – I'm awake.

I bustle around the kitchen as quietly as I can making myself some toast and a nice cup of coffee. Downstairs is empty, no Katie and no Effy. I hope that means Katie managed to get her to go to bed rather than leave and go home. She looked a bit too fragile to be on her own again. Thank fuck Nai found her last night; Katie was so worried about her. It was kind of sweet actually considering this was the girl that gave her nine stitches and left her for dead in the woods.

Fifteen minutes later I hear bustling sounds from upstairs, it sounds like sleeping beauty has awoken and has headed for the shower. I'm half tempted to head up and join her but decide that making her some breakfast would be a kinder thing to do.

Kinder, but definitely _not_ a better thing to do.

So with a little reluctance and a lot of restraint I grab her box of muesli from the cupboard and put some bread into the toaster. She's never long in the shower, well almost never, so I'm sure once she's washed, dressed and down here everything will be perfect.

Minutes later the shower switches off and before long there's movement. It's kind of sad really, I'm stood in our kitchen listening carefully for the sounds she's making upstairs trying to work out what she's doing and how long it's going to be before I can surprise her with breakfast.

Suddenly the toaster pops with a loud 'kerthunk' causing me to jump, _Jesus - nervous much?_ I grab the lightly toasted bread from the slots and dig around in the fridge for the spread and some marmalade. I can hear her footsteps on the stairs; can hear her muttering to herself as she comes down.

Then I hear the front door open and slam closed and she's gone. Without breakfast, without goodbye, without a fucking word.

I run over to the window and look out; there she is, head down, bag over her shoulder arms crossed, storming away down the hill. I'm reminded of her at Cooks birthday, when she walked out of the party and walked away from me. I can imagine the look on her face, everything about her screams 'pissed off'.

I pick up my mobile from where I left it last night, on top of the stereo and quickly send her a text.

_U OK babe? U dn't say gbye had breakfast for U xx_

I'm watching her in the distance I see her pull something out of her pocket then put it in her bag before she turns the corner and is out of sight.

There's no reply. What the fuck have _I_ done?

_6 Days Previously 3:45PM_

Naomi still hasn't replied to my text, so I've taken the bull by the horns and drove over to meet her after work. I'm tired and I'm a bit grumpy, serving old 'dears' all day at the wholesalers can be really tiring. I'm kind of sick of smiling fake smiles and listening to JJ flatter them when he's not chatting with Lara. I'm not making very many friends there, but I'm trying to be hardworking and diligent so they've nothing to complain about.

As soon as my shift finished I've grabbed my gear and driven over to the supermarket to wait for her to come out. This time I've been sensible enough to park around the side where the staff entrance is. I've been sat here for half an hour when an unfamiliar voice drags me from my daze.

"Can I help you love?"

I turn around to see a middle aged woman in her staff uniform behind me holding a lit cigarette.

"Not really, just waiting for someone."

"It wouldn't be Naomi Campbell you're waiting for would it?"

I stare at her, nope we've never met and I didn't speak to a woman last night on the phone so I'm kind of confused. I just nod by way of reply.

"You must be Emily then."

Now I'm really confused, "I'm sorry, have we met before?"

"No love, I work with Naomi. I was in her team until a few days ago when she transferred."

Oh yes, I remember this. Nai had mentioned that her team leader, Anna, was a bitch and had transferred her. In fairness it was probably because of the amount of complaining she did after she was made to stock take all of the frozen and chilled items. I know my Naomi; I know what she's like.

"She's very proud of you, you know, talks about you all the time. Sings your praises to anyone that will listen."

Ok, make that _thought_ I knew my Naomi.

"It's a very nice photograph of you two she has in her locker as well, on that scooter of yours, that's how I recognised you."

Wait one second, she talks about me, _and_ she's got a photo of us in her locker. Who _is_ this girl and what has she done with _my_ Naomi Campbell?

"..until later though."

I snap back to reality, "I'm sorry?"

"I said she's not in until later though, she popped in this morning and said she had some personal things to take care of. I was very sorry to hear about your loss. Anna told us that Naomi had to rush off last night; did she find your friend?"

I nod, "Yeah, she's safe and well, thanks. Where did Naomi go?"

"I don't know I'm afraid, she didn't even say hello to me this morning. Straight in and straight out she was." She threw her cigarette onto the floor and stubbed it out with her toe. "Anyway, I've got to get back. It was nice to meet you Emily; if I see Naomi I'll be sure to tell her you were here."

I nod my thanks pulling on my crash helmet. Where the fuck is she?

_6 Days Previously 4:45PM_

Home sucks when there's no-one around, so much so I've been clearing up the breakfast things for the last twenty minutes and doing all the boring stuff like changing the bedding and putting stuff in the wash.

Since when did being nearly 18 and living away from home become this fucking dull? I always thought it'd be a great adventure living away from your parents; really it's all washing up, cleaning and ironing with the odd mad break from the mundane in between. I like those bits, the rest can get fucked though. I hate washing up, especially when Nai's not here to make it more fun. Her not being here makes everything worse.

I'm still hurting over Naomi leaving like that this morning and for her ignoring my text, I've no idea what I could possibly have done to upset her like this but I'm going to find out.

Walking through into the living room I see a familiar car outside and a familiar person getting out of it. As I watch Naomi kisses her mum through the passenger window and waves as her and Kieran drive away. She turns to the house and must see me stood here looking at her because she waves happily as she walks up the short path.

_What the fuck...I don't get this, thought she was mad at me._

"Hi Ems, "she yells as she walks in, "You ok?"

She walks over and hugs me, but it's not quite right, doesn't feel quite right, can't say why though.

"I'm fine." I reply shortly, "you didn't reply to my text this morning babe, Have I pissed you off or something?"

Not a great start to a conversation, but I just blurt out what I'm thinking before I lose my bottle and talk about something else. She digs around in her bag and hands me her mobile.

"Sorry hun, the battery's dead, died this morning. Must have forgotten to charge it last night in all the commotion."

'_Nicely avoided Naomi' _I think as I take the phone. I don't look down at it, I'm not sure if she's testing me or not but I'm going to show her that I trust her.. I throw it onto the sofa and wrap my arms around her.

"Came to meet you from work today, didn't know you were bunking off. I'm disappointed, you could have told me. We could have bunked off together, might have been fun, you know? Like in the old days, we could have gone shopping or something."

"Yeah, sorry. I needed to go and speak to mum, needed to talk to her about a few things."

"What, you couldn't talk to me?"

"Not this morning babe, sorry but I needed to get a few things straight in my head and I was worried I might upset you by saying something without thinking. I wasn't in the best of moods this morning."

"I noticed; you left without saying goodbye."

She muttered something about not waking me, which I really didn't understand before crushing me in a hug and pushing her lips against mine.

"Anyway lover," she said breaking away and grabbing my hand, "I've got two hours before I need to go back to work and I need another shower...fancy scrubbing my back?"

_6 Days Previously 7:45PM_

Well that was weird, fucking awesome, but still weird.

I've never known Naomi to be like that, after dragging me into the shower with her she'd dragged me to the bedroom and proceeded to make love to me as if we'd never made love before. It was all so passionate, so careful, so tender. It was a wonderful experience, so much so I'm still tingling at the thought of it. It was no more than one hour out of our lives but it's an hour that will stay with me forever. Yet one more happy memory to store away and treasure.

The only thing to cloud the entire session is that she seemed so needy throughout. Every touch, every caress, every time she'd told me she loved me, every time she asked me if I really loved her. Everything she did seemed to be based around a need to reassure herself about our relationship. That was what was weird.

I've never, in all the time we've been together, known her to seem 'needy' when we were together. Actually that's not true, there was one single time, one moment in our entire relationship where she seemed to want to reassure herself that _we_ were real and after that time she'd run from me, literally got on her bike and left. This time she'd walked away with a promise to see me after work.

I don't understand it; actually I'm not sure if _it_ was anything. It was just a feeling but it was bugging me. Niggling away at the back of my mind like the high pitched whine of an biting insect when you're trying to sleep. Insignificant but annoying.

Perhaps it's nothing, I'm probably just fucking paranoid with everything else that's going on. I thought of ringing her, to reassure myself, to hear her voice once again. Then I remembered that her phone sat charging next to the bed, guilty of worrying me once before.

_Fuck it._

Pushing the thought to the back of my head I went back to flicking through the meaningless array of soap operas and talent shows on TV. I numbed my brain with their trivial nonsense and waited for Katie or Naomi to come home and drag me from the boredom.

In the end it was neither of them that rescued me; I'd just started watching Holby City when there was a knock at the door. Opening it I'm greeted by Gina.

"Hello Emily dear."

"Hi Gina, " I'm always pleased to see her, she's always been fantastic to me, more a mother to me than my own in truth, ever since that first time I slept at Nai's. "Come on in, Naom's isn't here though."

"That's ok dear; I know she's working this evening. It's you I wanted to see really, do you have time for a cup of tea and a chat?"

So here we are, stood in the kitchen and she's looking at me appraisingly whilst I boil the kettle. I'm twisting my foot nervously under her gaze; I can easily see where Naomi gets her intensity from. Gina's normally all smiles and quirky ways but tonight she looks quite serious and if I'm honest a little bit scary.

"So Emily, is everything all right between you and my daughter?"

Bang, there's a sucker punch I didn't see coming. I turn around to find her staring straight at me.

"Because I understand she hurt you whilst I was away."

I hold her eye contact, wanting her to know what I was about to say was the absolute truth.

"Everything's fine Gina, as far as I can tell everything's more than fine between us. Yes she did hurt me, but I hurt her as well and we're getting over that. We've both had to grow up a bit, forgive and forget you know?"

"So Emily, why did I find my daughter on my doorstep this morning in tears?"

There's just a hint of hardness to her normally soft voice, one more reminder who she gave birth to.

"I've no idea Gina, really I haven't. She left here this morning without saying anything. I was in the kitchen making her breakfast and she just stormed out. I thought she was going to work. I had no idea she was going to see you. I texted her when she left but she never replied, her battery died."

"So you _weren't_ in bed this morning when she left?"

"No, I was stood right here. She'd decided to sleep in Katie's, erm, the spare room last night and I went in and joined her there. She hadn't closed the curtains so I woke up early this morning and came down here. That's when she left, stomped off and didn't look back. Look Gina, what the hell is this all about?"

She sighed, her eyes softening and she sat on the chair by the table.

"I was hoping you would be able to tell me Emily dear, all I could get out of her this morning was something about you being in bed and everything being fucked up."

"Well last night was a bit fucked up Gina, did she tell you about Freddie and Effy?"

"She did, told me about your friend Frederick being found dead, and having to go looking for Elizabeth last night. I do hope she's ok, she is a lovely girl."

Bang, that's another slap around the face; I've not seen hide nor hair of Katie or Effy since I left for work this morning. Not really thought about them much either. I'd just assumed they were ok.

"I thought that she was just upset about everything Gina," Ok that was a little lie, but I don't need her to know what I'm really thinking. "I thought she was just mad about having to track down Effy last night, about what happened last time Effy fell apart in our house, what she did for them to try and make it right again." I paused slightly embarrassed, "What happened to her as a result."

Gina looked at me sadly, "She told me about the drinking Emily, so you don't have to try to hide it anymore." _Fuck me she's as all knowing as Effy_, "She also told me about your agreement."

This is news to me, "What agreement?" I blurt out. Her eyes widen slightly, a look of surprise on her face.

"The agreement that if she was going to drink, or get drunk; she'd only do it with you and not on her own. She seems quite serious about it I have to say. Do you not know about this?"

I thought back to our conversations at the lake and it hit me _'__I don't care, you can get drunk with me as many times as you like'_ I had said. She'd obviously latched on to that as some kind of an agreement between us. I explained this to Gina who nodded.

"That's so like her; she always needs a reason to do, or not to do something. I think, Emily dear, that reason is you. It's going to be a hard burden to bear you know. She's nothing like everyone thinks she is. She's vulnerable, sensitive and scared. I know she's terrified of losing you and what that would mean to her because she told me. She's loved you for so long now."

I nod, "She told me, told me everything after we split up, told me it all to explain everything, to win me back."

Gina smiled sadly, "She wouldn't tell me what she'd done, but your lovely sister told me all about it. It sounded like a very impassioned speech. Your sister thought it was totally out of character for Naomi, but I'll tell you this Emily. She did nothing but talk about you for months when she started at secondary school. On that first day when she arrived home her eyes were gleaming as she told me all about this twin that was in her year. I think I heard every exploit you were involved in and I was always concerned that I never met you; that you never came around to see her. She just told me you were shy.

The way Naomi told me about her school days it was like you were the best friends in the world. Then she started to change, went back to being the miserable, moody girl she'd been all through her childhood. Naturally I assumed you'd had a falling out. She never spoke about you again though."

"We never met Gina, we didn't speak until we were 15; we weren't friends. I never really knew her. I wish I'd known she liked me then but she said she was too scared to speak to me. I ended up chasing _her_ down, I fell for her after we did first talk. I thought she was the most beautiful, intelligent and intense person I'd ever met, I still do. Well, the rest you know."

She nodded, "love from afar, for both of you. Sometimes she's such a silly girl. I've always told her you can't help who the person you fall in love with is and that you should cherish them whilst you can. So many people don't find true love; it's such a shame to see it wasted."

She sighed sadly at that,

"In so many ways she's still a little girl inside. I think this is all still new to her and she's finding it difficult to adjust. She's been alone for so long now."

She stood up from the wooden chair and walked into the hallway.

"Don't do anything to hurt her please Emily, not deliberately. Just be honest with her, if you two ever do split up, and I hope to everything I hold dear you never do, make sure you both handle it like adults. She's more fragile that you know dear, and I fear you hold her heart in your hand; and like I said, that's a huge burden for one so young to bear."

I just nod, pretty much speechless. As she put her hand on the door latch I spoke up once more.

"Gina, why did you come here tonight, did Naomi say anything to you? Is there something I need to know about?"

"Not in so many words dear, I just needed to check everything was ok and have a nice cup of tea with you. But I'm really not the person you should be talking to about you and Naomi am I? Thanks for the tea dear, and the chat. I'm sure I'll see you soon, we'll have to go out together again; I really enjoyed the other night. You two were right about the wonderful effects of the Baklava!"

She winked at my blush and with that she was gone and I realised I'd not made a cup of tea for her after all. She'd visited, given me 'the talk' that all parents give and left.

_5 Days Previously 1:14AM_

Damn Gina, damn her for making me worry. It's got me lying here in bed thinking about everything. I'm not even distracted from my thoughts by the arm that's casually draped across my side, or the warm breath that's tickling the back of my neck as Naomi cuddles into me fast asleep.

She came home from work at half ten and we'd spent a happy hour curled up on the sofa watching TV before heading to bed. I'd heard Katie come in about midnight so that was one more worry off my mind. She'd at least replied to my earlier text saying that she'd taken Effy home and then gone to meet mum and dad for a drink.

There was I thinking everything was going fine and then Gina has to change that. No, that's not fair, she didn't change it; she has just reinforced my own gut instinct that there was something amiss. I'm going to have to go detective again, I just know it.

I wish I could sleep...


	15. Cracks in the Ice – Part Three

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (back up from considerable OK?). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (which seriously is a real shame).

**A/N – **Well Mrs Es came back with not one but two more ferrets for our household menagerie, (one Cat, three Degu's and now three Ferrets). The two newbies are both sisters, you can't easily tell them apart physically but they have totally different personalities at the moment. One is really nice and quiet and affectionate, the other is a vicious bitch that climbs up toys to have a bite of your fingers, (no seriously that's what they're like). We've both stopped bleeding now thankfully; bet you can't guess what we've called them, [well ok I've called them, but it'll stick] (-;

Poor Stevie G, I feel so sorry for him sharing a shed with those two misfits.

So here you are, the final part of the Cracks in the Ice section – are you as bored of them as I am or as confused as Lenoschka? Perhaps I have been too clever for my own good here, but I was trying to string you along and see if you could put the pieces together...so I'm feeling a little guilty about it because if I was being too clever it's the sign of a poor, or over indulgent writer and I would hate to become either or both of those. So to alleviate my guilt here's the revelation a few hours earlier than planned, hope that's ok? Trust me it was, and is, important to the story, I wouldn't just bring in the 'A' word for no reason, (I really hate that).

**Chapter 15 – Cracks in the Ice – Part Three**

_Naomi_

Well Cook looks as miserable as I do today, though I suppose he is burying his best friend. At least he had the chance to avenge him, to help catch his killer. That's more than most people get I guess.

I wish I had the chance to talk to him, but I know he'll be whisked away as soon as the funeral is over. What a fucking day, the weather's shit and the company is, frankly, worse. I've lost all of the feeling in my piss-wet through feet; I think it's kind of appropriate given what happened yesterday. I feel like a part of my soul has been torn out and I can't wait for this service to end so I can vanish into the gloom and try and lose the feeling in the rest of me as well. Obligations finished, free to leave.

Everyone is going to the wake after Fred's body is laid to rest. Everyone but me, I'm going home and from there I've no idea what I'm going to do.

_5 Days Previously 10:00AM_

I'm woken from my sleep by Emily's fidgeting next to me. She really does like to wriggle sometimes. I've lost count of the number of times that she's woken me up trying to snuggle herself into a closer contact with my body, whether she was awake or asleep.

This time though I know she's awake, I can always tell, her breathing is totally different when she's awake. She also doesn't drag her nails gently along my side when she's asleep.

I'm going to pretend I'm still asleep, I know she's probably aware that I've woken up, but it's a game that both of us like to play. After all, it's a lazy Sunday morning and neither of us has to go to work today. I feel my thigh muscle twitch involuntarily as her hand drifts downwards stroking my leg before resuming its upward travel across my body before resting a long finger nail on one side of my right nipple and gently scraping it across making me shiver.

"That's definitely cheating Emily Fitch." I murmur as she sniggers behind me, "Definitely against the rules."

"What rules Nai?" she asks innocence pulsing through her voice, "I don't remember any rules being mentioned."

Her free hand is gently squeezing and stroking me now and I can feel my body humming at her every touch.

"You like that." She said simply, it wasn't a question, it was a memory.

"Well I must hun, 'cause it definitely isn't the drugs this time."

"You're gay," she says throwing my words from over a year ago back at me.

I roll over, sliding away from her hand only to have it slip behind my head and pull me into a kiss, our bodies entwining until they almost become one as we do so.

"and I fucking love you Naomi Campbell," she says in the time between releasing me and my own attack on her lips.

I love hearing her tell me that, especially right now. I've had a pretty crap couple of days and if it wasn't for a long chat with mum, I'd probably be somewhere else right now, somewhere far away, somewhere like Cyprus.

Yesterday morning was a shock to my all too comfortable fucking system. I'd woken up alone in the spare room and gone for a shower. Feeling a lot more awake afterwards I sneaked into our bedroom to get my clothes.

I'd _suspected_ that Emily would have been in there with Effy after I'd brought her home. I have to admit I was a bit _surprised_ that she'd gone to Ems and not Katie for a shoulder to cry on.

I was fucking _shocked_ to see them curled up in bed together the way they were, the way we are now.

Thank fuck my mum can talk sense to me; thank heavens that she can convince me that perhaps it was all a mistake on my part; that I was letting my jealousy rage without cause. That maybe, just maybe, I was making too much of an innocent situation. After all I dimly remembered her waking me and asking me why I was in the spare room, and me telling her it was because I thought she'd need to stay with Effy like she did last time. I'd practically pushed them together, it probably was totally innocent, didn't look it though.

I had been fucking livid at the sight of them, I'd run from the house like the devil himself was after me. I'd ignored her text message; too caught up in the sight of their bodies wrapped around each other, their hands touching in the most intimate of ways, dead to the world.

Mum, bless her, had reminded me of what I had with Emily, and what I'd so nearly lost. She'd reminded me that if I wanted a relationship that worked that _I_ had to _make_ it work. I couldn't sit back and expect it just to happen, or expect Emily to do all the running. I had to demonstrate how much I loved her in every way that I could - every day that I could.

So I'd gone home, suppressed my jealous rage and pretended that everything was fine, that I hadn't seen her and Effy in bed together and that we were ok. I'd dragged her to bed because I wanted to, no, needed to reaffirm that I loved her and she loved me. I needed to convince myself that she wasn't going to leave me. I'd left for work but rushed back to spend some quality time alone with her, the kind of proper 'us' time we hadn't spent since that evening at the lake.

So here we are, curled up together in bed, her hands touching me in the same places she touched her, her legs wrapped around me like they were around her. I'm trying to shut down my brain to stop thinking like this but it's fighting me all the way. She runs her fingers down my spine and I stiffen without realising.

"Hun are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

I look back into those big brown eyes and melt. She's looking at me with such affection and concern I feel like a tosser again. A stupid jealous tosser that really doesn't deserve her. I have to prove myself wrong, prove that she's right to stay with me, make her forget about Effy, forget she even exists. _Lock it away Naomi, lock it away with your dragons and control yourself._

"You didn't hurt me babe." I reply, recovering my composure. "Guess those fingers of yours hit a nerve somewhere."

She smiled at me slyly, "Found a ticklish spot have I Naoms? I thought you said you weren't ticklish."

"I'm not Ems," I said, happy that she's given me the means of lightening my mood, "but I'm pretty sure you are."

Within seconds of me starting she's biting the pillows trying not to scream out loud. It's really kind of funny how ticklish she is. It's also kind of funny how tickling her on a lazy Sunday morning inevitably leads to sex. In my book that's not a bad thing to know.

_5 Days Previously 1:25PM _

_Emily_

I like Sunday mornings, well I like this Sunday morning in particular. Naomi seems to have gotten whatever was bugging her yesterday morning out of her head but I'm still confused by what Gina meant when she called round.

I've been making lunch for us after we'd finally dragged ourselves out of bed. She hadn't wanted to but I'd managed to convince her that food was in fact a necessary part of human existence. I'd even managed to get her to admit that muesli does not count as real lunchtime food.

"What about Garibaldi's?" she'd asked in a desperate attempt to stop me getting out of bed for longer than the couple of minutes it took to go downstairs and bring back a packet of something. "We survived through the summer last year on practically nothing but Garibaldi's."

You ate the last ones yesterday afternoon remember?" I'd had to remind her. "Something about needing the sugar rush for work after a running the equivalent of a marathon." She'd just blushed slightly at the memory.

So that conversation brought me to the kitchen and the ham salad sandwich I was carefully preparing for her. I'd buttered the bread with mayo and cut it into halves diagonally just the way she liked it. She smiled as I dropped the plate in front of her.

"Thanks babe." She said dragging me onto her lap and trying to kiss me.

"Oh no Campbell...no you don't." I bluster, trying to fight my way off her and back to the side where my lunch lay waiting.

"What?" she asked innocently, innocent my arse.

"You are not going to distract me from making you eat that, or from finishing my own. Now behave you, or there's no Garibaldi's in your future."

She hung her head like a chastised puppy-dog, bottom lip pouting; but her eyes were twinkling.

"You wouldn't deprive us of our _'__nourriture de l'amour'_ Emily Fitch. Our entire relationship is built on those blessed biscuits. No Garibaldi's, no Naomi and Emily."

I can't help but laugh as I finish making my sandwich and sit down next to her.

"You really are a twat sometimes aren't you Campbell?"

She took a bite of her sandwich and chewed thoughtfully before swallowing and replying.

"You'll never know how big a twat I am sometimes Emily dear, you'll never know."

She sounded so much like her mother I couldn't help but snigger. Naomi just raised an eyebrow at my laughter and carried on eating. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before I was forced to speak.

"Nai, can I ask you something?"

She looked over carefully wiping the crumbs from her mouth. "Depends on whether the question is, 'Naomi will you take me to bed and make love to me for the rest of the afternoon?'"

"Well it wasn't going to be that, though it is a very good question that I might have to save up for later."

She sighed, somewhat melodramatically. "Go on then, ask your question; though I will tell you right now it is likely to be both boring and disappointing now you have shattered my dreams of an afternoon of passion."

"Well," I started nervously, "I was wondering what caused your mum to come around here last night and give me the big parent talk."

"Parent talk?"

"Yeah, you know, like the one dad gave to you when he found out about us."

She bit her lip, typical Naomi, "Come on hun, there was something wrong yesterday, I know it was about us and I'm slightly hurt that you couldn't talk to me about it."

"It was nothing Ems."

I looked at her, "So you went to talk to your mother over nothing, ignored my text over nothing? Come on Naomi, please talk to me. We promised that we'd have no secrets."

She sighed, and rolled her eyes. I reach out and grasp her hand stroking my thumb over the back of her hand as I hold it.

"I'm jealous OK? Are you happy now? I was, and am fucking jealous."

Well I wasn't expecting that, in my surprise I can't help but laugh a little. In my defence it is pretty ridiculous.

"It's not fucking funny Emily." She says as I do so.

"Oh come on Naomi, it is a bit funny. What the fuck are you jealous about?"

"You really want to have this conversation now Emily?" I nod in reply.

"Well ok, here goes. I'm jealous of everything about you, I'm fucking terrified of losing you and I'm jealous ok? Jealous of all the attention you got in the nightclub, jealous of every man and woman that tried to talk to you, tried to chat you up. I'm jealous that every time something goes wrong in her life Effy manages to throw herself at you and I'm fucking jealous that you let her. She's already fucked up Cook and Katie and I'm terrified that she's going to fuck us up as well."

Jesus, she's fucking serious as well.

"Why are you jealous of me Nai?"

"Because Ems, just fucking because...because you're beautiful and wonderful and everyone likes you. Because you make people laugh, you make people feel safe and you make people fall for you without having to do anything at all but smile at them."

I can't help laughing at that, me, shy, retiring Emily Fitch. No-one likes me, they like Katie. Not one person except Naomi and her mum, Effy and JJ have ever seen me as anything but Katie's twin, even my mother; especially my mother.

"You really are a dippy bitch aren't you?" I say echoing our conversation at the lake. "There's no need to be jealous, certainly not of me and Effy. She's just a friend and besides, Effy's very straight in case you don't remember."

She doesn't look convinced and I can't help laughing at her sullen face. "Fucks sake Naomi, don't be silly. Look I'm sorry I asked if it upsets you ok? I just wanted to know that we were ok. I thought I'd done something to piss you off."

"No hun, nothing like that. All me I'm afraid. I just saw you and Effy together and it made my blood boil that's all. I went to mum to talk things through and she made me realise what a twat I was. I'd been hoping that I'd be able to put it behind me, hide it from you. All I wanted to do was tell you, show you, how fucking much I love you."

"I know how much you love me Nai; I'm reminded of it every time I'm with you. Just remember I love you too yeah?"

Fuck do I love her, so much it actually hurts. Gina had hinted at how insecure she was, how vulnerable and scared she is. I know that I need to show her how much I love her, reassure her that there's nothing to be jealous of.

"Look, our love is a two way thing babes; we're not watching each other from afar any more, we're together, a couple, in love...now if you've finished that sandwich, will you take me to bed and make love to me for the rest of the afternoon?"

I held out my hand to her, smiling at her face and practically dragged her to our bedroom. I hope Katie's not in; I've got a feeling that this make-up sex is likely to be quite loud.

_4 Days Previously 2:47AM _

_Naomi_

She fucking laughed at me, I told her what I was feeling and she laughed; that little nervous laugh she does sometimes when she's not telling the truth. As for Effy being a friend and being straight, fuck me where have I heard that before?

Mandy didn't turn out to be quite so straight did she, and she was definitely just a little more than a fucking friend.

I'm trying to keep a lid on this, I really am but my fucking dragons are rattling their cage desperate to get out and my guardian angel has fucking deserted me. I'm burning up with jealousy and no amount of guilty sex is going to make that go away, been there, done that, worn the fucking camouflage T-Shirt and listened to the brass band play throughout.

I still love her, I know I do. I think she still loves me. But there's still that nagging voice in my head that reminds me of what I saw. Red and Brown curled up like lovers; fingers wrapped together, legs entwined. It's like a fire in my brain that I can't put out no matter how hard I try.

Escaping from the bedroom I walk downstairs quietly and enter the kitchen to get a drink. I open the fridge and see my worst nightmare sitting there. One nicely chilled bottle of Bacardi. I know I promised that I wouldn't get drunk without her, but one drink won't hurt. After all, it's only for medicinal purposes; it's only to help me sleep.

It's only to put out the fire.

.

.

.

A/N – So there you go. A short one to help tie this part of the story together. Hope it worked for you. We're getting ever closer to the funeral and finding out what's really going on here.

Cross fingers I'll have a new chapter out tomorrow. Katie's pestering me for her say...again.


	16. Falling

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (have you read some of the stuff on this site at the moment...it's bloody awesome!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Chapter 16 – Falling**

_Katie_

I can't believe it's time to say goodbye.

I've never got funerals, I never understood why people would want to stand around a hole in the ground and watch a coffin containing someone they love be lowered into it. To look on as they're placed carefully into the soil to be covered over forever.

I get it now.

I get that it's the chance to draw a line underneath a part of your life. Close it off and allow yourself to move past it. Never forgetting, because you can't ever forget someone you love but you can move on. Start to rebuild your life without them. Say goodbye.

'_Goodbye Freddie, I'm really sorry for what happened, you really didn't deserve it; any of it. I'm sorry for trampling on your memory; sorry for everything._

_I hope you're happy wherever you are, hope you're happy that we might have a chance at the same._

_I'll look after her Freddie. I'll make sure she's ok. I promise you that.'_

_

* * *

__4 Days Previously 11:35AM _

Well isn't this just fucking lovely? Coffee with my sister, her girlfriend and Effy. Could this be any more fucking awkward if we tried? It's like some kind of fucked up double date except no-one seems to be enjoying themselves.

Naomi and Emsy look happy together, but I keep catching Naomi giving Effy daggers when she thinks no-one is looking and Effy is ignoring my presence at the moment, staring off into space like I'm not even here.

"Well, as nice as this is I'd better get to work before they fire me; I've missed enough time this week as it is." Naomi finally breaks the silence

We smile our goodbyes as Emily leans over to kiss her; they really are just too sickeningly sweet together these days.

"Later lezzer," I say as she gets up to leave, she ruffled my hair as she passes.

"Yeah, laters bitch."

"Oi Naomi," I shout after her as she heads for the door. "It's my turn to cook something for dinner tonight, so don't be fucking late again ok?" She just shakes her head at me, winks at Emily and leaves. I turn back to my grinning sister.

"What the fuck was that all about?"

"You've just lost me a bet Kay. I bet her that you wouldn't even mention that you're cooking tonight and she bet that you'd nag her about not being late home for dinner."

"You bet on me! Fucking cheek; like I'm part of your happy fucking domestic arrangement."

"But you are sis, you are a part of our domestic arrangement, you live with us don't you?"

I guess she's right, though I try to spend as much time as I can away from theirs. I hate the feeling that I'm in the way.

"So how much did she win?" Emily just smiled at me, I suppress a shudder.

"I really don't want to know _what_ she won do I?"

She grinned at me and winked, "Not unless you're really that interested sis."

Rapidly I shook my head. _Fucking hell_. I know they're happy and everything but I really don't need to know the intimate details of their love life; I really don't. It's bad enough listening to it.

"She hates me now."

We both turn to look at Effy, she's hardly said a word since we heard about Freddie being found, had barely acknowledged our existence since that fateful day.

"Who hates you Eff?" I manage to ask through my surprise.

"Naomi, she hates me."

"Don't be stupid Effy, Nai doesn't hate you." Effy just fixes Emily with her trademark _'don't mess with me I'm Effy Stonem'_ look.

"She thinks I'm trying to fuck you Emily, of course she hates me."

I feel a small, totally irrational, surge of jealousy as she speaks.

"So _are_ you trying to fuck my sister Effy?" The words are out before I know what I'm saying; Emily's looking at me shocked, Effy just smirks and strokes my leg.

"No darling, there's only one Fitch twin that I'd ever want to fuck and that's always been you. Naomi loves Emily and Effy loves Katie it's simple maths really."

She winks at Emily who just laughs at my expression and carries on.

"So come on Effy, what makes you think Naomi hates you?"

"I just told you Emily, I wasn't joking. You know it, I know it, only Katie there doesn't know it and that's because she's as emotionally aware of other people as this table."

That hurt, that really fucking hurt. I've no idea what's going on here but for some reason Effy is trying to goad me. If I could get mad at her I would, for some reason though it doesn't make me angry, it just upsets me.

I don't _fucking_ do upset, not since she hit me with that fucking rock, stole my boyfriend and humiliated me in front of the whole college. No-one upsets me anymore, I'd promised myself that. Least of all her, she doesn't get to upset me, not anymore, she hasn't earned the right.

I realise that Emily has carried on her conversation with Effy and is now looking at me as if I'm supposed to respond.

"Huh?"

"Jesus Katie, one day you'll actually listen to me. I was telling Effy that we don't think Naomi hates her."

"_Actually_ Emsy, she probably does. I may not be '_emotionally aware'_ of other people but even I could see the looks that she has been giving Effy all morning when she thinks you're not watching. You don't have to be all _'mysterious and observant'_ to notice that there's a problem."

Effy flinches at my comments and looks away; _'the crowd goes wild'_, two clean hits back to back and it's Katie 2:Effy 1. What's even better is that I see both hits strike home. It doesn't make me feel good, but at least Effy knows I'm still capable of fighting back. Emily just glares at me.

"What? You fucking asked."

She just shakes her head at me, "Jesus Katie, no fucking need."

"It's ok Emily, Katie's right we all know it, Naomi's got a problem with me at the moment but she's trying to be nice to me for you and because of what happened to Fred. It's not a big deal, people have hated me before."

She stares across at me, blue eyes glinting, there's the equaliser. It's two all and that one stung. Thankfully Emily seems not to have noticed and is looking at her watch in horror.

"Shit, is that the time...fuck, sorry guys I've got to go, going to be late for work. See you at home later?"

"Yeah," I reply, "I'm cooking remember?"

"Eff?"

"Probably not, need to see Karen, find out about the funeral and then go home, mum keeps worrying over where I get to."

She's not the only one.

Five minutes later and we're alone in the half empty Starbucks sitting on the sofa by the window in silence. I've had enough of the bitching, like we haven't got enough problems in our lives at the moment without fighting with each other. Time to grow a pair and sort this shit out.

"Effy, what's the problem?" She looks across at me, "Seriously, you've been taking pot-shots at me all fucking day, what's the matter? I thought we were friends."

"You know what the problem is Katie, you just won't admit it to yourself. Fuck me I know how Emily must have felt last year now. You're worse than Naomi is...was."

"I don't get you Effy, what do you mean. I'm nothing like Campbell."

She looked at me and shook her head. "You're _everything_ like Naomi was before Emily changed her Katie, and you know it. You're stubborn, insensitive, defensive and callous, you treat people with contempt and you're in denial about your feelings."

There she goes again; Jesus that girl knows how to hurt you. She doesn't lie though, that's what makes it worse. She never lies to you about things like that.

"and you're any different?"

She looks away; we're getting pretty good at this, this being able to hurt each other with words, with the truth.

"Is this because of the other morning?"

"Yes Katie it's because of the other morning, it's because I took a fucking risk and told you how I feel about you. I took a big risk with you and all you had to say was 'Oh', _fucking_ 'Oh'.

I have feelings for you Katie, I know I shouldn't, I know it's a fuck awful time to realise it but I do and I can't help it, and all you want to do is run away. Whenever we're close, whenever we get close you pull that homophobic shield down and you fuck me off. We sleep together, you curl up with me as friends and now you ignore me and treat me like shite, as if I've fucking contaminated you or something. I've got enough problems Katie; I don't need you to fuck me over any more."

She looks mortified; I can only assume it's the stress of the last few days that's pushed her this far over the edge.

"That's not fair Eff, you pushed me away as well." She has to see that, the timing of her revelation wasn't brilliant, after all she told me then ran off to answer the phone and then all hell broke loose.

"I've never tried to fuck you over, I never got a chance to talk to you after you told me, then _you_ didn't want to talk to me. I thought we were ok. I thought you just needed time to sort out your head after that call, after you went fucking AWOL."

"So what are you saying Katie?"

So there it is - the big fucking question, the one that I didn't want to have to answer. Not today, not here. This isn't the sort of thing that you discuss over a latte in an overpriced coffee shop. But she's forced my hand, called my bluff; I don't have a choice here, I've got to answer her.

I take a long deep breath and hold it for a second, trying to slow the terrified beating of my heart.

"I'm saying I like you too Eff, I don't know how, or where or when it happened. I don't know what it means, but I'm happier when I'm around you. I don't feel like a worthless slag when I'm with you. You make me feel like a real person; when you're not being a complete bitch to me that is."

She looks across at me and then reaches out and takes my hand in hers.

"You're not a worthless slag Katiekins; you've just acted like one because that's who you thought you needed to be. I don't need you to be that person. I just need you to be Katie Fitch, that's all."

It's so hard trying not to cry, that's probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me. Ever, in my entire fucking life no-one has ever told me to just be me. There's just a hint of a tear in my eye as I listen to her, I'm biting the inside of my cheek and blinking to hold it back, hoping she won't notice. I have to tell her the truth though, I owe her this much.

"I've got to be honest though Eff, I'm scared. I'm scared about how I feel. I like boys and I like you. I'm not gay, I can't be."

"Jesus Katie, do me a favour, one day soon have a long chat with Naomi."

"I don't understand."

There's that enigmatic smile again, I'm starting to hate that fucking smile, I can see why it always pissed Naomi off. She rubs her thumb across the back of my hand at my look.

"If you talk to her one day Katie, you will. I promise you that."

"Yeah, I'll make it top of my priority list to talk to Campbell about whether I'm gay or not."

'_Not a fucking chance'._

"You should, she might have an insight or two for you."

I don't comment at that, there is no fucking way I'm going to talk to Naomi _or_ Emily about this. I'm not going to talk to _anyone_ about this, not yet anyway, not until I'm sure.

"So Katiekins, where do we go from here then?"

"I don't know Eff, I really don't. This is all new to me."

"All new to me as well Katiekins, perhaps we should just go out somewhere."

"What like a date?" I don't know why I sound so surprised, I'd been on lots of dates in my time why should this be any different.

"Why not?"

I don't have an answer, but I do have a question.

"Are you asking me out on a date Elizabeth Stonem?" I smiled at her, thankfully she smiled back.

"I guess I am Katherine Fitch, how about tomorrow night?"

"So do you pick me up, or do I come and get you? I'm not sure on the proprieties of dating a girl."

She's laughing at me now, I like it when she laughs like that, it means that the horrors of recent weeks have been pushed to one side; or at least that's what I think it means. It's what it does to me anyway.

"Tell you what Katie, why don't we just meet at the pub at 7, we can have a few drinks, get something to eat and then see where the night takes us."

"That sounds like a plan" I reply, and it does; it sounds like the best plan I've heard in months.

"Fine," she says squeezing my hand once more. "We'll call it a date then, see you tomorrow Katie."

"I'll look forward to it Effy."

And you know what? I think I will.

_

* * *

__4 Days Previously 7:10PM_

"_Emily_, where the _fuck_ is she?"

I'm getting annoyed now, it was my turn to cook and I'd pushed the boat out tonight. Well I'd pushed to boat out as far as I was concerned. I don't cook, can't fucking cook if the truth be told, never had to cook for anyone before. Mum always took care of the family mealtimes or when boyfriends would visit. The rest of the time was takeouts or pizza.

Tonight I'd planned a stir-fry; everyone tells me they're simple and a good place to start learning to cook. Chop up some meat, prepare some vegetables and then just heat them up in a wok with a pre-made sauce.

I have no clue what they're on about, but I can read labels on bags and I think I've bought everything I need, pre-prepared, pre-sliced, pre-tty fucking genius if I do say so myself. Especially as I've put everything in bowls this afternoon so I could convince them both I've prepared it all from scratch rather than spending the time planning a kick-ass outfit for my date tomorrow.

My date with Effy, who'd have thought it?

"Where's who Katie?" I hear her shout from the garden. We'd decided to eat alfresco tonight, it's a warm summers evening so why not? She's in charge of setting up the table and chairs.

"Who the fuck do you think bitch?" I scream back at her, just slightly stressed. "Where's your fucking girlfriend, she was supposed to have been home half an hour ago. I'm fucking starving."

There's no reply, fucks sake their garden isn't that fucking large she must have heard me. I wander to the door and there they both are arms wrapped around each other Naomi lying on top of her on the grass.

"Fucks sake Emily, you could have told me Naomi was fucking home. I've been waiting for her so I could start cooking."

I'm rewarded by a finger being raised from the partly hidden body of my sister. Fucking charming. Engage full on Fitch sarcasm mode :-

"I'll start cooking shall I, if you two are fucking busy? Or should that be if you two are busy fucking?"

I get nothing more than a thumbs up from Naomi who's been abruptly flipped by my sister and is now lying on her back, her arms wrapped around Emily's shoulders hands entwined pulling her down.

I have a sudden flashback of a pivotal moment in my relationship with Emily, another view from a kitchen of the two of them together. Not on green grass but on orange plastic, the orange plastic base of a totally ridiculous multi-coloured bouncy castle.

That time all I felt was shock and outrage before Danny and his twattish mates arrived to wreck everything. That time I was disgusted that my sister was kissing a girl, it was fucking wrong, she was a freak and it couldn't happen. This time as I watch them rolling about on the grass, uncaring of who might see them, I feel a small warm glow burst into life in my cold bitter heart. I was actually happy for them both, they looked right together.

I suddenly realised that it no longer mattered to those two if me or the whole world labelled them freaks, weirdo's, perverts or whatever. It wouldn't matter a fucking damn because they knew how each other felt, what they meant to each other and that's all that was important.

I just hope I can find myself a tenth of their happiness.

Fucked if I'm going to let them know that though...I've got a reputation to maintain.

* * *

"You can cook more often Katiekins," Naomi said after finishing her plate, "that was actually pretty fucking good."

I can't help but smile, so I cheated a bit. Well actually quite a lot, but I cooked dinner and they enjoyed it.

"Don't count on it Campbell, that's my entire repertoire completed in one meal."

"Plenty more packets in the supermarket Sis, don't you worry about that."

I sit there watching as Naomi lit a cigarette, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. They're both smirking at me.

"OK, how the fuck did you know?"

"Two small flaws in your plan Sis. Firstly don't leave the packets from the pre-prepared veg in plain sight at the top of the bin."

"and secondly Katiekins, if you're trying to hide what you're buying from us, don't go wandering around the store where _I work_ in a short skirt and high heels. You had every bloke in the store following you, even on CCTV...fucking pervs."

Busted! They're laughing at me now and I'm laughing along with them.

"Well I had to cheat didn't I? I've got a hot date tomorrow night and I needed to plan my outfit."

_Shit_, I didn't actually mean to let that one slip, I might need to do some fast talking here. Naturally Emily's the first to latch onto my mistake.

"Hot date, where the fuck did you meet someone for a hot date?"

"At Naomi's work actually, guy called Andy,"

I'm hoping that's a safe bet, there must be a fit bloke called Andy somewhere in that place.

"Asked me out this afternoon, said he liked what he saw and I thought he was cute."

I watched as Naomi thought hard, presumably trying to think of whom I meant. Time for a bit of Fitch mischief here I think.

"He was _very_ interested to know I was Emily's sister Naomi, he was asking me for a full breakdown on your love life when he found out. He promised me a very expensive meal if I would tell him in detail. Andy said all the lads were interested in you two."

That got her; got them both in fact. They're looking shocked; Naomi looks fucking horrified that I'd do such a thing. Distraction tactics in full effect and working like a charm.

"You wouldn't fucking dare Katie, that would be pure evil, even by your standards."

I smile my vicious little smile at her, the one I used in the cafe to her, the one that says _fucking try me_.

Only this time, I'm trying desperately not to allow my lips to twitch and betray me. I'm trying so hard not to laugh at her face and ruin it all.

"Problem is girls; I don't know what you get up to. So tell me, just so I can get my expensive meal. What _do_ lesbians _do_?"

Emily snaps a look at Naomi and before I know it they're cracking up in front of me. Serious belly laughs, Emily's got tears streaming down her face. I'm confused, and my fucking joke is now ruined.

"I think she means in bed Ems." Naomi splutters out.

"I know what she means," comes the reply.

Do you ever get the feeling that there's a massive joke going on and you're not part of it? I think I've just joined that club. Naomi manages to control herself for a second and looks me straight in the eye, her lips twitching.

"Well Katiekins, you can tell him there's an awful lot of brogues and strap-on action."

"and oils Naoms, don't forget the oils."

"Oh right, thanks babe, how _could_ I forget? There you go Katie, brogues, strap-on's and oils, lots of oils."

She glances across at Emily who's rocking silently in her chair, her hand shoved into her mouth to stifle her latest laughing fit.

"oh and Katiekins, don't forget to mention salad, we're very big on salad with the oils."

And they're off again. I'm not sure I'll be able to look at a salad in quite the same way again.

* * *

_3 Days Previously 11:31PM_

Ok, I admit it; I feel like I'm dancing on air. I've just left Effy at her place and I'm on my may home after a fabulous night. Of all the dates I've been on it's been by far the best. For once in my life I haven't been thinking of how far I have to go with the person I'm with. Do I let them kiss me, feel me up, do I have to shag them? For once I just went out and enjoyed myself in the company of another person; no pressure, no panic, no doubts.

Is it supposed to be this scary?

* * *

_3 Days Previously 6:55PM_

I'd tried to keep things low key, I met Effy in the pub she'd texted me the address of. It was on the far side of town to where we usually hang out, and instinctively I knew that she'd done this to make sure we were far from the possibility of bumping into anyone we knew. Not that I had a problem with that, I had a cover story all worked out, and besides we were friends weren't we? We'd been out drinking together before, just not like this.

A hit of adrenaline kicked through my system at the thought, this was now real. I was going on a date with a girl, with Effy. A proper date, planned, organised and agreed.

Fuck I'm out of my depth.

I walk into the pub and look around. My eye is caught by a hand waving from the bar; for one second I panic and think about turning around and leaving. Then I catch sight of her, she's looking quite fit actually. Less of the drug fuelled emo and more of the summer picnic. Our eyes meet and there's no escape for me, no opportunity to claim I couldn't find her and went home. Game on.

As casually as you can in these circumstances I walked across the bar and over to her stool…and that was about as far as I got. I have no idea what to do now. Do I hug her, kiss her, kiss her on the cheek, shake her hand? I've not got a clue. Everything I'd normally do when meeting someone suddenly seems forced and wrong. Fortunately Effy seems to realise and passes me a lifeline.

"Drink?" I nod sheepishly, "Sit down then, I'll get them in…usual?" I nod again and climb onto the stool. Effortlessly she flags down a member of the bar staff and orders the drinks before turning back to me.

"Fucks sake Katie relax, you look like a hooker at a police convention."

I stared at her, "You think I look like a hooker?"

"No actually Katie, I think you look great, I just meant you seem as _nervous_ as a hooker at a police convention."

I can't help but snigger at that and it was all uphill from there on. Once the ice was broken and I actually relaxed that is. We had a few drinks in the pub and then headed off for something to eat. Effy took me to a little back street Italian place she knew and it was all so familiar, like the time last summer when I'd travelled across Europe to visit her in Venice. We drank wine and ate pasta and just laughed. For one evening all the pain and misery of the last few weeks vanished.

For once I forgot about mum and dad, the caravan, crashing at Naomi's, everything. For one brief second I forgot about Freddie and then it all came crashing home and then came the guilt.

"What's up Katie?" she'd asked, sensing my change. Reaching over the table and taking my hand, squeezing my fingers.

"Just thinking, sorry." I squeezed back.

"What about?"

I sighed, "Nothing Eff, nothing we should be talking about tonight anyway."

She stared into my eyes as if trying to read me and then, "It's about Freddie isn't it."

_Fuck_

"You shouldn't feel guilty about this you know Katie, Freddie would want us to be happy."

"But it's his funeral on Friday and we're out on a date. I feel like this is wrong. Not you and me, but the timing. You know?"

She simply squeezed my hand again. "Katie if there's one thing I know about Freddie is that he will be laughing his head off somewhere right now. He's probably stoned out of his brain and loving the fact that his two ex-girlfriends are out on a date."

I smile at that, she's probably right. "Still feels a bit wrong though Eff." I say. I know I'm being a twat but I have to be truthful here.

"Look, there's no reason for us to think this is wrong Katiekins, no reason at all. For all we know Freddie set this up from the other side to make sure we both had someone to look after us. You know, make sure we're ok? That's what I believe anyway."

"No-one's going to think bad of us Katie, and if they do fuck them. Besides, this is our little secret at the moment isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Are you cool with that?"

"Katie I'm cool with everything, you know me. I'm not one to broadcast my life to everyone. We can take this a slowly as we like. If it goes anywhere then it does, if not then no-one will know. Simple really."

I actually really like the sound of that, a secret romance, something that I can hide from everyone, from mum and dad and Emily. Something that's just mine and no-one else's; well no-one but Effy. Suddenly I'm feeling less guilty; I'm feeling like this might be ok.

"There, that's better," she says and I realise I'm grinning like a twat. "Right then Katiekins, another bottle of wine I think."

* * *

_3 Days Previously 11:15PM_

After a couple of bottles of wine and a friendly argument over who was paying for the bill we're heading home. I've decided that I'm going to walk her home basically because her place is on the way to Naomi's and we've been walking through town chatting about everything and nothing. It's been nice.

As we turn into her path she grabs my hand and holds it tightly.

"I've had fun tonight Katie, more fun than I've had in a long time. Thank you for that."

I look down at my feet, ok so I'm embarrassed.

"I've had fun too Eff…so, what happens now?"

She smiles at my discomfort, "Well I'm not inviting you in you twat because I'm not going to get a reputation for sleeping with girls on the first date."

She really is a fucking mind reader isn't she, not because that's what I was thinking, far from it; but because she knows just what to say to change your mood. I can't help but laugh at her and I push her away lightly.

"I don't mean like that Effy, I was wondering what we do from here on."

"Well I suggest that we try another date, tomorrow perhaps. This time you can choose what we do."

"Sounds good to me." I leaned over and kissed her awkwardly on the cheek, "Goodnight Eff, I'll call you tomorrow and I'll let you know what we're doing." She pulled me into a tight hug before releasing me and stepping up to her door. I turn and walk away as she steps into the house.

I'm halfway down the street when I hear running steps behind me. "Katie!" I hear her yell and I turn with a little bit of fear wondering what might have happened this time. As she comes to a standstill in front of me I'm bracing myself for what else that fate might decide to shit onto my happiness when she threw herself at me and dragged me into a kiss.

Not just any old kiss though, a long and lingering kiss, a passionate kiss one that was full of longing. The kind of kiss I'd caught my sister and her girlfriend sharing, the kind of kiss I'd never shared with anyone before her. I felt her hands in my hair, pulling me into the kiss and was surprised to find that I was doing the same to her. After what felt like a lifetime we pulled apart and just looked at each other.

She smiled shyly at me, "Sorry couldn't resist it." She kissed me lightly on the lips before stepping back and winking.

"Good night Katie, I'll be thinking of you." Then she was gone.

Wow.

* * *

_3 Days Previously 11:37PM_

So here I am, back home and desperately trying to compose myself to face those two. Emily had been questioning me all evening about my 'hot date' and Naomi had been asking me about every Andy that she could think of at her work trying to find out who it was. I'd played the uninterested card, but I knew I was going to get interrogated when I got home. Christ I was half expecting to find Emily on the doorstep waiting to meet the mysterious "boyfriend".

I'm more than slightly surprised to hear raised voices from the house as I walk up the drive. That can't be Emily I can hear and it can't be Naomi screaming back; I've _never_ heard those two argue before. Sure I've seen them throw stones before, watched as Emily threw them and Naomi stood there and accepted each and every hit as though she deserved them. But I've never heard them row like this before, this is full on.

I'm about to put my key into the door when it's flung open and a furious looking blonde storms past me into the night, eyes red with tears, I look up to see my sister standing in the doorway tears rolling down her face her hands wringing in front of her.

"Naomi" she shouts at the rapidly disappearing back, she doesn't get a response, doesn't even get a backward glance. This looks fucking serious; Emily just breaks down sobbing in the doorway as I look on.

"Ems?" I run over to her and wrap my arms around her shaking frame, "What the fucks going on?"

"We fought Kay, we've been arguing for hours. I've…I've never seen her that angry and it's all over fucking nothing, absolutely fucking nothing."

I take her into the house and sit with her on the sofa stroking her hair as she cries on my shoulder.

"It'll be all right Emily, she'll be back soon and you can make up once you've both calmed down. It'll be fine ok?"

I've no idea what the fucking hell has happened here but I've got the feeling I need to know so I can fix it. Because this is my sister and I love her and I can't bear to see her like this.

And because I know they deserve each other; I know that more than ever. Have known ever since that moment tonight when I got a single fleeting glorious glimpse of what they have together.

.

.

.

**A/N** – Coolbeans17, I told you to be careful what you wish for, now you say you can't take much more…do you know what Avalanches do? Stick with it. More soon, I promise.


	17. A Case of Mistaken Identity?

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (have you read some of the stuff on this site at the moment...it's bloody awesome!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**A/N –** Please keep up with the timelines guys, there's a bit of bobbing and weaving going on as I try to thread everything together.

**Chapter 17 – A Case of Mistaken Identity?**

_Emily_

It's over, finally it's over. Freddie has been laid to rest, interred in the ground next to the grave of his mother. Perhaps now we'll be able to move on from this frozen moment we've been living in ever since the morning Effy knocked on our door.

Katie and I are holding Effy, practically holding her upright. This has obviously affected her deeply. For one moment when her and Katie stepped forward to drop a single rose into the grave I thought she was about to jump in after him. She looked so fragile, so broken; then she turned and was led away by Katie back to our little group.

As the rain falls, the group around the graveside begins to break up. Slowly one by one people turn to leave; we're supposed to be going back to Karen's for the wake, one last chance to toast Freddie's memory, one last chance to remember him amongst friends.

As we turn to leave I notice Cook waving sadly at a figure behind me. I know he's waving goodbye to Naom's as he's led away back to prison. I feel sorry for him, I don't like Cook but he deserves to mourn his friend in peace with friends, not in the confines of a cell. As he walks away flanked by his escort I turn to speak to my beautiful blonde, to tell her I'm sorry for everything she thinks I've done, to beg her to come home. As I turn I hold out my hand, hoping she'll take it and we can leave together.

She's no longer there, there's no sign of her anywhere. She's already left.

* * *

_3 Days Previously 11:45AM_

Well that _was_ an eventful morning. Naoms and I are both on late shifts today and have taken the opportunity for a bit of a lie in followed by a couple of hours of ribbing Katie.

We both love trying to wind her up, it probably stems from the fucking misery that she's put the both of us through with all her comments over the years, but at least it's all good natured these days.

Our favourite topic for the day has been the 'hot date' she's claiming she's on tonight. Naomi keeps telling her that the only two Andy's she knows at Tesco's are a spotty teenager with buck teeth and a guy that's over fifty. Katie just looked on and smiled, apparently unimpressed.

I've been trying to dig a bit deeper about this guy, after all she's only met him once, very briefly, and now she's going out with him. She's being all coy about him, refusing to tell me anything other than he's "well lush with abs of steel". All that does is make me more anxious. I know what she's like and I don't want to see her hurt again.

Half way through the morning Katie tells me she's got to go shopping for her date and escapes my questioning. There is a plus side to this though, it leaves me and Naomi curled up on the sofa together, alone. I thoroughly intend to make the most of the piece and quiet in the house for a bit more quality time. We haven't just curled up like this for ages.

Well ok since yesterday evening on the grass outside, but that doesn't count. We had an audience.

Thirty minutes later and things are just starting to get interesting when her phone goes. Fighting away my attentions she grabs it and answers smiling as I pout at her ingratitude.

"Hi mum…no nothing really…just me and Emily…NO! Jesus mum fucking hell…yeah?...No I'm sure she won't mind….ok I'll ask her."

She puts the phone to her chest, lucky fucking phone, "Ems, mum wants to borrow me for a few hours, you ok with that?"

"Tell your mum she needs to learn to pick her moments." I pout, I can hear Gina laughing through the earpiece, "but yes, I'm sure I can spare you."

"I'll be round in half an hour mum…yeah, see you in a bit."

She tosses the phone onto the floor and grabs me, "Thanks babe, she's planning some kind of surprise for Kieran and wants me to help setting it up."

"Anything exciting?" I just can't help but ask, I love surprises whether they're for me or for other people. Surprises just make me happy.

"I have no idea, she wouldn't tell me. Guess I'll have to tell you later." She leaned over and kissed me on the head, "if you're good of course, otherwise it'll have to remain a secret."

Deftly she dodged my slap and went to get her coat and bag.

"Babe you want me to drive you over? It's no trouble"

"Nah you're OK hun, you chill out before work. I'll take my bike, could do with the exercise."

I look her up and down; actually she's as thin as a rake yet beautifully curvy and in my humble opinion hasn't looked better.

"Yeah, you're probably right, you're getting a bit of a tum there babe, a bit of a workout would do you good."

She pats her perfectly flat stomach, "you're probably right Ems, perhaps you should start taking _your_ pedal bike rather than the scooter. Your arse might not be able to fit onto that seat soon."

I throw the cushion I'm leaning on at her, as she sticks her tongue out at me and heads for the door.

"Bitch."

"You better believe it babe, see you after work yeah?"

I know she's joking, but that doesn't stop me five minutes later checking myself out in the mirror just in case. Perhaps a bit of extra exercise wouldn't do me any harm; it might do us both good going for a ride every now and again. The thing about motor vehicles is that they're convenient and quick. Dad would do his nut if he knew that I drove everywhere on the scooter, it really doesn't fit with his "Get Fitch" principles.

Then again he probably wouldn't approve of the diet Katie and I have been sharing recently either, definitely _not_ artichoke and fucking beetroot soup.

* * *

_3 Days Previously 12:03PM_

I'm disturbed from my lounging around by the beeping of my phone, it's all the way across the room and I really can't be arsed going and getting it. I don't have to be in work until three and I was planning on making the most of my time, even if Naomi isn't here to share it with me.

Sighing I roll off the sofa and slope over to grab it.

_1 New Message_

_Emsy I need you Can u meet me? Ef_

Well there goes my lazy afternoon. _Starbucks in 20?_ I text back.

_Cool, THX._

Thirty minutes later I make it to the coffee shop and see Effy sat in the window slumped on a sofa with a smile on her face that I've not seen before. She actually looked genuinely happy. I open the door and flop next to her.

"This better be quick Eff, I've got to be in work by three today."

"Ems you're a lifesaver, I need some shopping advice from you, like now."

Effy needs shopping advice from _me_? The girl that makes _everything_ she wears look good wants _my_ advice on shopping.

"Eff, shouldn't you be talking to Katie, I'm one of the Oxfam twins remember?" Katie's lovely little nickname for Naomi and me; she smiles putting her arm around me.

"Nope you'll do, I need something different, something that's not 'Effy' and definitely not Katie. Mum's told me that dad's coming home to see me and I want something sunny, something that doesn't make me look, as she put it, 'like a Goth'."

So there goes my afternoon, the next two hours are a blaze of clothes shops and shoe shops. It wasn't a big deal all the the rushing here and there, after all I'd been shopping with Katie. But this time, for the first time someone was actually listening to what I thought.

Shopping with Naomi was totally different to shopping with Katie or Effy. Nai's got a very fixed idea in her head of what suits her and she usually goes out shopping with the same very fixed idea about what she wants to buy. She doesn't need or even want advice or help. The closest I get to that is waving something at her or buying it for her myself and making her wear it. I've done that so many times now she simply trusts me when I tell her she'll look good in something. When I'm looking for clothes she lets me buy what I like, telling me what she likes and very rarely what she doesn't. I think she does it because she doesn't want to be like Katie.

Katie, more often than not, told me what to buy; mostly so she could steal it later and she _never_ listened to any advice I offered about fashion. But with Effy I'm able to discuss what I think she looks good in and why and she pays attention to my opinion. It's actually kind of flattering and after years of following Katie around and hating every minute of it, I'm actually enjoying shopping.

Before too long we've found her the perfect outfit, light linen top, long flowery skirt, it says more 'summers day', than 'darkest night' and she carries it off with her usual panache.

Sometimes I really hate her for that.

All too soon it's half past two and I've got to be going if I want to make it to work on time. I'm rushing around not paying much attention to anything and with a swift hug and a kiss by way of goodbye I'm running back to the scooter to race to work.

_

* * *

__3 Days Previously 1:13PM – Naomi_

Mum wants to surprise Kieran so _I_ have to help her, unfortunately the surprise involves shopping.

"Mum, you do realise that I hate fucking shopping don't you? Why can't you buy this shit on the internet?"

We're trawling around the streets of Bristol, over by the large Debenhams. I know the area well having been dragged around here by Emily, following Katie's advice and looking for clothes at the Primark that opened round the back of the shops. I know there's a nice looking pub opposite next to the giant Premier Inn that dominates the skyline here and I'm giving serious thought to abandoning mum, abandoning work, diving through the warren of subways and going for a drink or two.

I don't though, because I'm trying. Trying to be nice to mum, trying to be true to Emily. I'm still not over my feelings, still not over the fact that I'm sure there's something going on between Effy and Emily. I still don't trust Effy, because you can't forget what you've seen, but I'm trying to trust Emily. I'm doing my very, very best to trust her.

But it's hard; it's so very hard, especially when she laughs off my fears.

I didn't hit the bottle the other night; I closed the fridge door and walked away. Look at me with my little victories, pathetic isn't it?

If I wasn't so worried about the drinking I'd be laughing at myself, instead I'm inwardly celebrating. Over a week without drugs, and not far off the same time without being blindingly, brain-numbingly drunk.

'_Don't I just fucking rule?'_

"Naomi dear, what is wrong with your face?" I shrugged noncommittally, "I thought you'd sorted things out with Emily."

How do mothers know what you're thinking? How do they fucking do it?

"I did. Or at least I tried to. I told her what I was feeling like you said and she laughed it off mum. She treated it like it was nothing, that I was jealous over nothing. She basically laughed at me."

"But you seemed so happy when I called this morning."

She's dead right, I was. "I don't know mum, perhaps it's just being away from her, you know? I think my mind decided to fuck me over."

"Well don't let it dear, don't be a twat. Not again."

"I'm trying mum, I'm trying."

An hour and a half later and I think I've been in every jeweller, every watch shop, every fucking store in Bristol and she still hasn't found that 'special surprise' for Kieran. I'm glancing at my watch because I need to be going soon when I'm distracted as through the window I see a shock of flame red hair heading into the boutique across the road.

'_It can't be, it's not her, she's at work.'_

I stand in the window looking out as mum preens over a gold chain with the shop assistant. I'm hoping it is Emily that I've seen, because a chance to escape this torture and spend a few minutes with her before heading for work would be heaven. The best cure for my fucked up mindset I can think of. As I stare I watch the door open and it's her, she's smiling and beautiful and my heart lifts at the sight.

Then it plummets like a stone as _she_ comes out after her, fucking Effy Stonem follows Emily out of the shop all smiles and laughter. I watch, frozen to the spot, as Emily checks her watch and then they hug, and kiss and she runs off. Effy just stands there and waves, watching her leave before cheerily turning on her heels and practically skipping away.

'_Be calm Naomi, be calm. There's a perfectly rational explanation to this. Like mum says you're making much over nothing. Go to work, calm down and talk about it later. It'll all be fine._

* * *

_3 Days Previously 7:05PM – Emily_

Well that was fun. I've just spent the last half hour or so digging and ribbing my sister about her date. It's kind of funny really, I've seen her go on lots of dates over the years but she actually seems quite giddy about this one. She's spent fucking ages getting ready, which is no surprise really but she really seems to be making an extra effort here. She's even avoided the usual tacky and tasteless clothing and has opted for something casual and classy. She actually looks pretty fucking good.

She's also been avoiding every question me or Nai have thrown at her about the mysterious 'Andy'. I'm sure there's more to this than she's saying. She's my sister after all, my twin sister, we may not be identical, we may not be close but I _know_ when she's lying to me.

But Katie left before seven and it's my turn to prepare dinner. I've done spaghetti again, it's pretty much my speciality and it's smelling great as I serve it up.

"Nai, food!" I yell out trying to drag her attention for whatever she's doing at the moment.

Within seconds she wanders into the kitchen and starts grabbing forks and spoons and makes us a couple of drinks. "Looks good Ems," she compliments me. I love it when she compliments my food, she does it a lot, makes all the effort worthwhile.

"Smells good too," I reply sitting down, "Go on dig in I'm fucking starving."

We tuck into the plates of pasta in silence for a few minutes then Naomi sits back and takes a sip of her juice.

"So Emily, have a good day?"

Ah, small talk, it's nice, it's an easy way to relax, talking about your day. I'm feeling a little mischievous tonight though.

"Not really, I was sulking all day because you told me I've got a fat arse."

"Well Ems, you did tell me I was getting fat first." She looked across at me, eyeing me up and down like a cat looks at a mouse. "But it is becoming a very grabbable arse I have to say."

"Grabbable…is that even a word?" she just shrugged.

"It is now."

I smile, "Have fun with your mum today?"

I'm rewarded with the Campbell eye roll and a lecture on how awful shopping with her mum is. I can't help but smile along as she tells me the tale of how she was dragged from shop to shop before her mum eventually decided upon the watch that she'd seen in the first shop they went in.

"Honestly Ems she knows how much I hate shopping, _and_ she could have ordered it on-line and got it cheaper but you know what she's like."

I nod enthusiastically, "I bet she wanted to touch everything she was interested in as well. " That would be so Gina, very touchy-feely.

She nodded, "Every single thing. It was a fucking nightmare." She sighed and returned to her food. "What about you. Do anything today?"

"No, not really. Lounged around here after you went, went to work spoke to about a million old people, played cards with Lara and JJ." I thought about it for a moment, "there was one thing today Naoms." She looked up at me with interest, her eyebrows raised expectantly.

"There's this old woman that comes in that JJ flirts with; well today she found out about him and Lara and she was really funny. Gave him a hard time about two-timing her. It was really funny, she totally took the piss out of him and he wasn't sure what to do. Took Lara to save him. Fucking hilarious it was."

"Um, sounds like an _eventful_ day then."

Just a hint of sarcasm there, "Yeah it was - _eventful"_

"Nothing else happen then? Just the old woman and JJ."

"Nope, that was it, boring really." I smile across at her, but she won't meet my eyes.

"Um."

She went back to her food spinning her fork in the spaghetti. "This is really good Ems, really good."

"Thanks babe, now would you please eat it before it goes cold."

* * *

_3 Days Previously 8:15PM _

"Ems, can I borrow your phone, my fucking batteries gone again? Need to send a quick text to mum"

I shake my head despairingly, "Fucking Hell Nai do you _ever_ charge that thing?" Course you can use my phone it's in my bag."

I wipe the soapy dish-water from my hands and dry them on the towel wrapped around my waist, her head appears at the back door where she's been having a smoke, her phone in her hand.

"Thanks babe. Now, where's your bag?"

I nodded to the chair where I'd slung my shoulder bag and smiled as she went rooting through it looking for my phone, I wouldn't mind but it's not _that_ big a bag; definitely not as big as her infamous 'Warning Contains Ideas' bag anyway. Eventually she emerges triumphant and slides out the keyboard to send her text.

Her face fell as she looked at the screen, I had the sudden inescapable feeling that something was wrong; her smiling features crashed into the frown I'd hoped never to see again, she bit her lip and I noticed that her hand that was holding my phone was shaking.

"Naomi, you ok babe?"

Nothing, she just stared at the screen on my phone and ignored me.

"_Naomi…"_ I tried again, slightly louder, "Babe what's the matter?"

Slowly she turned her head to me, her eyes looked fucking dead.

"Don't call me that."

She tossed my phone back into my bag and walked away. Quickly I dive into the bag and grab the phone flicking it open to read what she'd seen. My heart fell as I read the text from Effy from earlier, _shit_.

"Naoms?" I chased her into the living room; find her crying at the window.

"Fuck off Emily, leave me the fuck alone."

"Naomi, it's nothing, it's just a text."

"Just a text, '_Emsy'_. '_Needs you' _did she? Need to fucking lie to me any more?"

Jesus, Mount Naomi has seriously fucking erupted and the lava is flowing, I find myself stepping backwards at the ferocity of her voice.

"I haven't lied to you Naomi."

"You fucking liar, I fucking saw you Emily. Saw you and her together."

"We went shopping, it wasn't important."

She scowled at me, "Yeah, _less_ important than a fucking conversation between JJ and some old biddy _obviously_. _Less_ important than that going shopping with a girl that keeps throwing herself at you. It's so _not important_ that it slipped your fucking mind did it?"

"No, I just…"

"Just what Emily, just decided I didn't need to know? Just decided you'd keep it a fucking secret? Fuck you!"

She's gone, headed upstairs and I head the bedroom door slam behind her. I want to go after her but I know it'll just make the situation worse. I've never seen her this angry before and it's all over a stupid fucking misinterpreted text message.

I wish I'd told her I'd met up with Effy, don't know why I didn't.

Actually, I do; and it was because I was scared of something like this, scared of how she'd react. I don't understand what's got her so worked up about me and Effy. I've never done anything to make her suspicious, never done anything but comfort her in her hours of need.

Distraught I flop into the sofa and wait for her to calm down, wait for her to come down so I could explain. In hindsight it was probably the worst thing I could have done, for two hours I sat and stewed about the situation. The more I've thought about it the more I've got angry at her fucking self-righteous behaviour. It's twenty past ten before I hear a noise from upstairs and she appears in the hallway cigarettes in hand heading for the garden.

"Where are you going?" I spit, perhaps a bit harder than I wanted to.

"What the fuck does it matter to you Emily? I'm going for a smoke if you must know; perhaps you should use the opportunity to call your fucking girlfriend."

What the fuck? I'm sick of this…

"I'm fucking trying to talk to my fucking girlfriend in case you haven't noticed. But you keep pushing me away. What is your fucking problem Naomi?"

"I told you my fucking problem Emily, I told you it all and you fucking laughed it off. I told you I knew Effy was up to no good and I hated it and you laughed at me and carried on behind my back. I saw you Emily, I fucking saw you shopping and laughing and hugging and fucking kissing."

This went on for ages, me trying to explain what really happened and her smashing me back, we've both totally lost control at this point, lost in the fury that is created from the passion of our relationship. We're shouting and screaming at each other and in the end I make possibly the biggest speech that I'll ever live to regret.

"I haven't been sneaking around with Effy behind your back Campbell, you're the one that does that remember? You're the one that lies, cheats and fucks people behind _my_ back. You're the one that kept a fucking secret; you're the one that fucked Sophia. Where the fuck do you get off calling me a cheat?"

I feel sick almost the second the words are out of my mouth. I can see the reaction on her face as I throw Sophia back at her, right back into her face. We'd got past that regret, that hurt and had moved on and here I am using it as a weapon in a petty fucking argument. In that moment I want the earth to swallow me up, she looks stunned, hurt, destroyed. I can only look on helplessly as I watch as her jaw clenches and I have to stand my ground as she strides across to me.

"Naom's," I start before she gets to me, "I…I didn't, I'm sorry, I..."

She pushes her face into mine; I can see something I've never seen before in her eyes – hate.

"Oh you meant it Emily, you really meant it. Where do I get off calling you a cheat? Well let's take a look shall we, _babe_?

Who was it that fucked JJ behind my back? Who was it that tried to fuck Sara in our fucking garden? Who was it that started a fucking relationship with that fucking whore Mandy whilst pretending she was straight, that she was a friend? Who pretended that that we had a future at the same time? Who's the one that ends up in bed with fucking Effy whenever she turns up?"

"Who's the real fucking cheat in this relationship Emily _darling_. I make one scared, fucking stupid mistake and you punish me for _months_. I keep forgiving you, but this time it's too much, it's one step too far _hun_, you don't get to act like the moral high ground is yours. You don't get to use her against me like this."

I can't help it; I reach back and slap her. I do it because I know she's right, not about Effy, but about the rest, do it because I hated having the truth pushed back at me. Do it because she's right and I've got no answer for it. She takes the hit barely flinching and glares down at me. For a second I think she's going to hit me back, for a second I hope she does, I deserve it.

Instead she just turns and grabs her coat and bag and storms out of the front door and into the night. I see her barge past the surprised figure of Katie and I call out to her, desperate to get her to stop, to come back to talk.

She doesn't stop, she doesn't look back.

"I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry," I sob as I slide down the doorframe to sit on the doorstep, "I didn't mean it, any of it, I was just angry."

She can't hear me, no-one can hear me.

* * *

_2 Days Previously 8:15AM - Naomi_

I'm not sure how I ended up here, I've been walking all night away from the mess I've left behind me. I've never lost my temper like that before, ever. Not once in my life have I ever shouted and screamed at someone like I did at poor Emily tonight. My dragons escaped their cage when I saw that text and my world came crashing down on me as they rampaged around in my head.

Again, she'd do this to me again?

Perhaps it's fitting that I'm here, watching the sun rise over the trees, shivering at the chill that's coming off the greeny-black waters. 'Be brave' she'd told me here, 'want me back' so I had. Finally I'd given myself to her totally and now there was nothing left of me. I stare out at the water feeling the tears roll down my face, their wet trails cooling my skin as the breeze evaporated them. I'm cold, have been cold for so many hours now; been cold since I left the house.

As I sit here, in our special place I replay our entire relationship, from the moment I saw her all those years ago. I love her; I know that, I love her even despite what she's doing to me.

I can't live without her but I can't be near her right now.

Shivering I reach into my bag to make a phone call, only to remember that my phone is on the table at the house. I've got one place left in the whole world I can go to, one person left to whom I can turn. As the sun comes up I make my decision. I'm going home.

.

.

.

A/N – I know, I know, don't hate me ok? Ch 18 is coming don't panic.


	18. Alone In The Smoke

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (have you read some of the stuff on this site at the moment...it's bloody awesome!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

A/N – Well at least there's no hate mail. _Coolbeans17 _this ones for you. YNWA.

**Chapter 18 – Alone in the Smoke**

_Naomi_

_2 Days Before the Funeral – 11:16AM_

So here I am in my spiritual home. It hasn't been my real home since I was young but I love it here. The one place I can find the person I can rely on, the person I lost along the way. Me.

London. Dirty, bleak and friendless, a perfect place to lose yourself in the bustle of the anthill that was the city. I got the first train I could out of fucking Bristol and in under two hours I'm far from Emily, far from Effy, far from my previous life. Whisked through the countryside at top speed feeling my problems sinking away as the landscape changed and the miles rolled on. Just me, the clothes I'm standing in, my bag and my cash card. For now I don't need anything else. When finally I get into Paddington I buy a travel card and head out into the noise.

A few short trips later I'm standing by the river looking across at the London County Hall. It's a favourite place of mine despite the eyesore that is the London Ferris wheel. All around me is a feeling of power, to my right the Houses of Parliament, home of the government, behind me somewhere Downing Street, home of the Prime Minister of the day and the symbolic seat of power in the UK. Across the river the home of London's old council, before it was crushed and the building sold for cash. It's now an aquarium, an arcade and a fucking hotel. Consumerism at it's best.

I'd stood on this very spot on the Embankment with my mother many times and had her tell me the histories of the places around me. She'd told me all about the Iceni queen Boudicca immortalised in bronze next to me; told me of her fight against the oppression of the Roman invaders. She'd filled me with a hunger against injustice and a desire to fight for the put-upon, I wanted to be that Warrior Queen, wanted to save the world from its oppressors. As I'd grown up I realised that the tales she told me weren't quite accurate, but the hunger hadn't gone away.

Until Emily came along.

When Emily walked through those school doors into my life all those years ago that hunger faded. Replaced with a very different kind of hunger, a hunger for something I hadn't really realised I needed until very recently.

I wish I could stop thinking about her; I'd travelled all this way to escape. To escape from the memory of her face as she threw all her hatred at me, to escape from the memory of the blow she'd dealt me, both to my face and to my heart.

I wish I could, but I can't. I've come here to drown in obscurity and yet all I can see is her face, her lips and her hair. Everywhere I look is red and I hate myself for feeling this way, hate myself that, after all that's happened, I'm _still_ a slave to my heart.

So with nothing to do and nowhere to go I start walking. I cross Westminster Bridge to the South Bank of the river and begin my walk along the riverside, following the silver markers of the Jubilee Walk. I'm in no hurry, I plan to walk until I know what to do, until I find myself again.

However long that takes.

* * *

_2 Days Before the Funeral – 09:10AM Emily_

It's been 9 hours and 33 minutes since she walked away from me, for nearly ten hours I've been sat in this window watching, hoping that she'll come home. I've rung her over and over again only to have her phone go straight to her answering machine.

'_Hi this is Naomi, I'm busy saving the world so if it's more important than that, or you're my Emily, leave me a message, if not, don't.'_

I'd left lots of messages, because this _is_ more important than saving the world, I _am_ her Emily and I wanted to save _us_. That's what I'd told her in every message I left, every fifteen minutes, all through the night.

The only time I've left the house in all that time was to run to a payphone to ring from there, just in case she was deliberately ignoring my calls; hoping I'd be able to trick her and get her to answer a number she didn't recognise; hoping that she might just call me back.

My dreams were shattered at three o'clock this morning when Katie dragged me into the kitchen to make a drink and I saw her phone laying on the table and I remembered in horror that she hadn't charged it and its battery was dead, useless, the start of all these problems.

But it wasn't the start was it, not really? This situation had started days if not weeks before; it was simply the catalyst in the reaction. It hadn't taken part in what had happened, that honour was down to me and her and the venom we had spewed at each other in our mutual rage.

I bitterly regret what I did, everything I did and I really want to be able to tell her that, explain what happened, beg for her forgiveness. But for that I need her to come home, need her to talk to me and that doesn't look likely at the moment. She's gone, I don't know where and I've got no way of contacting her even _if_ she wanted to talk to me.

She may never get my messages, may never hear how fucking sorry I am and that's too heartbreaking for words.

I feel an arm around my shoulder and a familiar presence, not the one I want, but one that will do for now.

"Emsy, have you been to bed yet?"

I just shake my head, "No Katie, I've been waiting here for Nai to come home."

"Jesus, you've got to get some sleep Emily you look a mess." She looked at the clock, "don't you have to be in work soon."

I shake my head, "not going, rang JJ and told him I quit, not leaving here, need to be here in case she comes back."

Katie just pulled me into a tight hug. "Look I'm here now, you go to bed, get some sleep yeah? You'll be a fucking mess when she does come home and that won't help. I promise I won't leave and I'll wake you when she comes back ok? I won't let her leave without speaking to you if I have to knock her out and tie her to that chair."

She makes good sense, except for the threats of violence which I'm sure won't help. But I am tired; bone tired, too tired to argue. So I allow her to take charge once again, nod wearily and drag myself up the stairs to bed. As I reach the landing I can hear her on the phone.

"JJ? It's Katie, look whatever Emily's said to you ignore her, she's a bit upset." Then the door closes and I can hear her no more.

I can't sleep in our bed, don't want to sleep there, not without her. I sit down on the sofa bed in the corner and pull my knees into my chest, allowing my tears to pour down my face.

"_Please_ come home, _please_ forgive me, _please_ come home, _please_ forgive me, _please_ come home, _please_ forgive me…"

Repeating myself miserably for what feels like hours I cry myself to sleep.

* * *

_2 Days Before the Funeral – 2:50PM Naomi_

"Tower Bridge is a truly magnificent feature that dominates the Thames here in what is known as the Pool of London. Opened on the 30 June 1894 by The Prince of Wales…"

I stopped listening to the tour guide, who fucking cares about a bridge? I've walked all the way down the south bank of the Thames from Westminster to the Bridge, crossed it and used my travel card at the Tower pier to hop a boat back to Westminster and familiarity. My feet hurt and my stomach is rumbling but I need to find a cash machine before I can go somewhere to eat. Too tired to walk any further I thought that a river taxi would be the way to go. What I hadn't banked on was a fucking long wait whilst half a million Spanish school kids got on board, followed by an endless fucking story about the things we're supposed to be looking at.

All I want to do is get some cash, find a pub and eat and drink. I've tried my own version of the aboriginal Walkabout, walking through familiar places in order to find myself, without any success. Perhaps I should resort to the old favourites.

I have to ask myself though why the fuck did I come here? What the fuck did I hope to achieve? That's right, I remember...

…I came to find me. The trouble is I'm not really liking what I'm finding.

* * *

_2 Days Before the Funeral – 1:45PM Emily_

I'm woken from my sleep by the sound of the door closing downstairs, fighting my way out of the blanket that Katie, presumably, has draped over me whilst I slept I run downstairs.

"Naomi, is that you? I'm sor…" I shout as I burst into the living room, but she's not there. I can feel myself deflate as I realise that it's only Effy.

"Emily, what's happened?" she asks as I crash to the floor in the doorway. I just shake my head at her, unable to speak through my misery.

"She won't tell us Eff. They were arguing when I got home last night and Naomi fucked off and hasn't come home since."

"Do you have any idea where she is?"

"We've not got a clue Eff, her phone's here and she hasn't rung. I've tried everyone I can think of and they've not seen her either. She's just vanished."

"Have you rung her mother?"

My head springs up at that, Gina! Of course! Where else would she go in Bristol, why the fuck didn't I think of that last night. Scrabbling to my feet I reach for my phone only to find Katie's hand over it.

"No Emily, leave it to me ok? I'll find out."

She walks off into the kitchen with my phone in her hand, scrolling through my contacts.

"Fucks sake Emily where's Naomi's phone charger?" she says reappearing suddenly, "You haven't got Naomi's mums number in here."

"It's Gina Katie, Naomi's mum is Gina. She's in my address book."

"Oh, right," and she vanished into the kitchen again

As I strain to hear the muffled voices Effy comes over to sit with me.

"This is about me isn't it? It's because of what she thinks."

I nodded, and then shook my head. "No Effy, not really. It's about me and her. I didn't tell her we went shopping and she saw your text and leapt to the wrong, stupid fucking conclusion. I should have listened to her, to you. I just didn't think it was all that serious. Didn't know how fucked up it all was."

"Oh Emily," she sighed as she put her arm around my shoulder, "What a fucking mess. But we'll fix this don't worry. She'll come home."

"Do you believe that Effy?"

"Oh yes, she'll be home at some point, no matter what happened she'll be here for the funeral."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she thinks she owes Freddie. She'll be there."

For some reason I feel better, even though I'm sure she's wrong.

* * *

_2 Days Before the Funeral – 4:49PM Emily_

17 hours and 12 minutes since she left and still no word. Katie's spoke to Gina who had no idea she'd left, hasn't been contacted. Thankfully she's started to ring round friends and family to see if Naomi's turned up anywhere.

So far, nothing and I'm sick to my stomach with fear. I'm so worried I've phoned the police to report her missing; only to be told that I have to wait until she's been gone for over 24 hours. Bristol police, no fucking help there, typical.

All I can think about at the moment is the things I did, the things I've said. Not just last night but throughout our relationship. I've pushed and pushed and fought her into a corner and then snapped and bit whenever she tried to fight back.

Last night I really crossed the line and found something I wasn't expecting. I found the vicious side of my girl and I didn't like what I saw. I pushed her _so_ far that I'd caused her to hate me, even if it was only for a second.

'_Please God let it have been for only a second'_.

Rather than try to understand what she felt and work through it together. I'd decided to push back and fight and I created the jealous monster that had pushed its face into mine and let rip.

Let rip with the truth.

Locked in my own pain over her betrayal I'd never realised how much she'd been hurt by me and JJ. I'd thought nothing of it, we weren't really a couple at the time, but I'd been chasing her. I'd pushed her into that corner, trapped her, seduced her, slept with her and then I'd betrayed her, fucked someone else and yet she had _still_ forgiven me.

Something I'd been unable to do for her, not until almost the very end.

I don't know where she's got this idea about me and Effy from but I didn't exactly help matters did I? I can see why she would think the worst of me. I _did_ mess around with Sara at the party to fuck Naomi up taunting her, flaunting myself in front of everyone there, and I _had_ started seeing Mandy. She never pushed me into those acts, I'd gone willingly whether I really wanted the relationship or not.

When it came down to it I was as guilty of fucking up our relationship as she had ever been, and I needed to fix it as much as she did.

If only she'd come home, if only she'd call.

17 hours 22 minutes and still counting.

* * *

_2 Days Before the Funeral – 8:20PM Naomi_

Wednesday night in the big city and I'm surrounded by wankers. I'm sat in a back street pub, somewhere off Oxford Street. It's not really my type of place, but there's food and booze and it's less crowded and better value than most of the overpriced, overly pretentious places around here.

I'm happily pissed as well. Well that's not really true, I'm not happy but I am pissed. I've been working my way along the optics of this bar and I'm currently staring unhappily at a shot of Captain Morgan.

I fucking hate rum, dark rum, it tastes like shit. Grimacing I down it in one, slap a note down and gesture to the girl behind the bar for the next bottle in line.

_Hey look at me, off the fucking wagon and drinking to forget..again. Whoopdy fucking do._

"Hi gorgeous, buy you a drink?"

I turn around and look at the sleaze that's just approached me, tall, blonde and actually quite cute. Also not male, definitely not male.

"No, sorted thanks." I gesture at the drink that's appeared in front of me.

"Straight Bacardi eh? I think I might join you." She waved at the bartender who placed a duplicate of my drink in front of her.

"Free country, I suppose," I reply taking a sip from the glass wincing slightly as the harsh spirit hit a crack in my lip. "Now if you'll excuse me."

"Not so fast babe, we should at least share this drink."

I down the rest of my shot and grab my change from the bar pushing a tip across to my host. Sliding from my seat I turn to leave the bar and feel a hand touch my shoulder. I glare at the blond that's had the temerity to touch me.

"You look like you need a friend babe, why don't you come and sit with me and we'll talk." She raised an eyebrow as she said the word talk. Fucking pathetic. I push her hand off my shoulder and walk away.

"Well fuck you bitch, stay hidden in that closet then."

The red mist begins to fall, fuelled by the five or six shots that I've downed in the last hour and egged on by the wine I'd drunk with my food. I turn back to the blonde that's just spoken and look at her. She's got nothing on Emily, nothing at all, tall and cute sure. But obvious, obvious in a Katie Fitch kind of way. Even as drunk as I am I can tell she thinks of herself as a player, someone that can go after the straight girls and try and turn them.

Well too late for that _babe_.

I open the Velcro sealed wallet I carry in my coat and push a picture into her face. A picture of me and Ems taken at the lake. A picture taken on a mobile phone and printed at a supermarket. A tiny, battered picture that I carry with me everywhere and treasure over all others we have. A picture of two happy, smiling people full of love.

"See that _bitch? See her? _I'm well out of your fucking closet and even if I wasn't I wouldn't go near you with a fucking ten foot pole. You're nothing compared to her you're nowhere near her league. Now fuck off and leave me alone."

I turn to leave, jamming my purse into my pocket when I'm spun and slapped.

"Fuck you _and_ your red headed whore. I was trying to be friendly."

She's lining up for another shot at me, I can see the girl behind the bar heading over to break us up but she's too late. No one calls my Emily a fucking whore, ever, not in my earshot anyway. I smash my forehead into her nose. She goes down like a sack of shit, just like Cook told me someone would.

"Smash their nose Naomikins and they'll lose interest quickly," he'd said to me. "First rule of fight club, there aren't any fucking rules. Do what you need to do to win."

Bless him, he'd wanted to know that I knew how to defend myself if I got attacked, I must remember to thank him.

Naturally I'm chucked out of the bar, cast out into the street like a bum. Blondie was still on the floor sobbing as I was escorted out and I'm ecstatic. She got exactly what she deserved. As soon as the staff members' hands release my body I'm gone, heading back into the obscurity of the night.

Wandering back down to the familiar lights of the Thames I find myself buying a bottle of cheap booze in a corner store and looking at the photo of me and her. Half an hour later I'm sat on a bench back on the embankment just staring at the photo in my hand and I find that I really miss her.

…and in that creased and dog-eared photograph I find myself. I'm the girl in the picture, the one that's happy. That _really_ is me, and I want her back. Want both of us back.

It's 120 miles to Bristol, I've got a full bottle of vodka, half a pack of cigarettes, it's cold and I'm lonely…

Time to make a phone call.

* * *

_2 Days Before the Funeral – 9:05PM Emily_

21 hours and 28, 29, 30 minutes.

I'm on my own; I've thrown Katie and Effy out of the house. Katie was supposed to be an another date tonight but kept telling me she'll cancel and that it was fine but I'm having none of it. No sense in both of us sitting here being miserable.

At my pleading Effy has dragged her away to leave me alone; so it's me, my bottle of vodka and my phone. Home alone.

I'm halfway through a swig of booze when my phone rings on the table in front of me. I look at it stunned as it vibrates its way across the polished surface. With a start I grab it, it's not a number I recognise but I press the green button and hold it to my ear.

"Hello?"

There's nothing but silence on the line; dimly in the background I can hear the sound of traffic and voices but it's muffled and indistinct.

"Hello…Nai is that you?" _'Please God let it be her, just let me know she's ok.'_

"Nai, is that you, are you there, speak to me please."

More silence, then the background noise gets louder and I hear a familiar voice, one that I've spent 21 hours and 43 minutes longing to hear.

"I miss you."

And then the phone went dead.

* * *

_2 Days Before the Funeral – 9:55PM Emily_

I'm hammering on the door to the small flat where I know Gina's staying and within seconds the door is opened and I'm dragged into a hug by the tanned blonde woman.

"Emily love, what's the matter, has Naomi come home? Has something happened?"

"She called me, she's ok."

"Right dear," she says instantly grasping the situation, "come in, have a cup of tea and tell me all about it. Do you know where she is? What did she say?"

I'm bustled through the small flat into the tiny kitchen and for a second I feel guilty about living in Gina's home whilst she stays here with Kieran.

"Right, you sit there and make yourself at home love." Within seconds a cup of herbal tea is plonked down in front of me and I take a sip burning my mouth in the process. Gina sat and looked at me expectantly, "Tell me everything."

"There's not much to tell really, I got a phone call just after nine tonight and there was nothing but silence for fucking ages and then she spoke. She said 'I miss you'."

"Well that's good dear, that's a good start. What did she say then?"

I can feel my lip quivering as I realise how little I've based my brief happiness on. Gina must have misunderstood my look as she slips around the table and hugs me tightly.

"There now dear, it'll be all right; she's a silly cow but she's not stupid. She'll be ok. So what else did she say?"

"She didn't say anything else Gina, she hung up. That's all she said to me, 'I miss you' and then she was gone. I tried ringing the number back but it was engaged."

"How did she sound? Did she sound angry, or upset?"

That's a good question. I replay the sound of her voice over and over in my head and I come up with an uncomfortable answer.

"Drunk, she sounded more than a little drunk." The tears are falling freely now. "I've ruined everything haven't I? Why do we end up hurting each other?"

Gina strokes my back comfortingly and just holds me. I fucking love this woman, she's like the mother I always wanted and never really had. She doesn't judge, she doesn't ridicule, she just loves, unconditionally loves. Naomi doesn't always see it like that but I know that they're getting closer. Gina is fucking wonderful and I'm so glad I'm here with her.

"Right love, give me that phone of yours," she said after I calmed down again, "lets see if we can't find that errant fucking daughter of mine."

For the first time in 22 hours and 40 minutes I smile as I pass over the phone. She looks at it then starts pressing the buttons calling up my received calls list.

"Hmm, that's a London number she called from."

London? _Fucking hell_ she's left me and gone to London. I'd thought she would still be in Bristol, hoped at most she'd gone to a relatives somewhere but no, she's gone to London.

"Let's try it again, see what happens."

I'm not holding out much hope for success but she holds the phone to her ear and before long she's talking to someone before putting the phone down.

"Well that answers that then." I look on quizzically not able to speak. "It's definitely London, I've just spoken to a very nice young lady who works as a cleaner at Westminster Station; she says she remembers a blonde girl using the phone not long ago, but she doesn't know where she went. It's a start at least."

I nod; it's about all I can do.

"Now then dear, is there anyone at home at the moment?" I shake my head. "Right let me set up the spare room; you're staying here tonight where I know you're safe."

I try to refuse but she's having none of it as she bundles me into the spare room and puts me to bed. It feels nice, nice to be looked after by her, to feel loved. Before I succumb to sleep again, as a final act of hope I change the voicemail message on my phone.

'_Naomi, if you get this, I'm sorry, I miss you too. Please come home.'_

* * *

_1 Day Before the Funeral – 2:20AM Naomi_

I'm sat in Victoria Bus station, nauseous, tired, cold. My little adventure has left me feeling worse than when I started. It's been five hours since I plucked up the courage to ring her, to tell her I missed her and I've been too scared to ring back. I want to go home, need to go home but I'm lacking the courage to make the call and tell her the truth.

I said a lot of things I regret in my anger, how do you apologise for that? So I've stalled and procrastinated wandering the streets of Westminster, wandering along the Embankment plucking up the courage to call her back.

So here I am, I've bought my ticket and I'm waiting for the first coach out of here, back to Bristol, back to her.

I know it's stupidly early, I know she'll be asleep but I need to hear her voice, even if it's only her voicemail. I dial the number I know off by heart on the grotty payphone and nearly drop the handset as I hear her message.

'_Please Come Home'_

I'm going to do just that…_'wait for me Ems, I won't be too long'_

* * *

_1 Day Before the Funeral – 7:45AM Naomi_

After two hours of sitting on cold metal seats and having to walk outside the fucking bus station for a smoke; followed by just under three hours in a cramped coach seat retching at the smell I'm emitting. I'm finally home.

My heart is pumping with nerves as I walk towards my house, our house. I've had five hours to plan everything I want to say, to make sure she knows that I'm sorry and I want to move on, to say once again that I'll do anything.

As I get to the park my courage fails me and I sit on the swings looking at the blue door in the distance taking just one more swig from my rapidly depleting bottle.

As I watch I see the door open and a mass of dark hair leave, fucking Effy again. Taking one more drink I glare at her shape only to see a mop of red appear in the doorway and run out after her. What I see next happens like something out of a movie, all in slow motion.

I watch as Emily throws herself at Effy, wraps her arms around her and kisses her. Not a swift kiss like I saw in town, but a long, passionate kiss. Their arms are all over each others bodies and I can feel my heart beating out of my chest as I watch them. Finally they drift apart and Effy begins to walk away. Emily keeps hold of her hand before drawing her back for one last kiss before letting her go.

I finish my bottle and throw it in their direction, I don't know if it gets anywhere near them, I'm already running from the sight, running from them.

My heart is finally ripped from my body. My life is officially over.

I'm drowning in the vision of red and brown.

.

.

.

**A/N –** _Mari_, I'm sorry I know Ch18 won't make you happy. _Noblsheep_, seriously don't ever dare me, you don't know what you might get. _AL_, sorry only got about half of what you wrote d-: _Finn Again_, harsh? well that happens when you're angry I'm sure we've all been there. I know I have. _Lu-magoo_, you really don't know me do you (-:

Chapter 19 tomorrow, I hope. Time to bring this to an end.


	19. Memories of Red and Brown

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Chapter 19 – Memories of Red and Brown**

_Naomi_

It's the morning of the funeral and there's no way I can avoid what needs to be done. For the last twenty four hours I've been lost in Bristol, lost in a blur of pubs and clubs.

I want nothing more than to lose myself again, but I have to go to the funeral, I have to. I owe Freddie that, owe him for not caring, for the stupid comments; for everything really.

I know I can't go as I am, days of drink, travel and clubbing have left me looking and smelling like a tramp. Bill Hicks used to say _'anyone can be a bum, all it takes is the right girl, the right bar and the right friends'_ how right he was.

The right girl and the right friend, well I certainly had them in spades didn't I. Wrapping myself up in my cold, aloof shield I head back to the house. I seriously need a shower.

The place is silent as I enter, I go from room to room looking for someone, but thankfully I'm alone. Grabbing my favourite towel I drop my clothes onto the floor and step into the shower, basking in the hot water as it runs over my body.

It feels _so_ good to get clean again. The dirt and grime of London's streets is washed from my hair. The sweat from a night of booze and pills and dancing is washed away too.

What can't be washed away is the clammy feeling on my skin at the thought of Emily and Effy, red and brown, together in this house, in our bed again.

It was fucking obvious to me what had happened, I don't know how it happened or why but what I saw wasn't a casual act, it was definitely the act of a couple that had spent the night together and were parting, not as friends but as lovers.

I can't wipe that image from my brain and I can't wash the feeling from my skin. I feel dirty, contaminated, violated.

But at least I am clean now. I've washed my hair and scrubbed my body. I step from the shower to dry myself on my towel, my present from Emily.

Finally warm and dry I go to the effort of fixing make-up and hair before wandering into the bedroom to pick out clothes. It's a funeral so I pick appropriate colours, greys and blacks are traditional, fortunately they match my mood.

* * *

Now dressed I walk through the house, our home, filled with memories both good and bad. Walking into the kitchen I see a new note written on our blackboard, written in Emilys elegant handwriting.

'_I'm sorry, I miss you, call me,'_

I had, I'd come home, I'd been hurt.

I wiped the message from the board, wiping away her message, wiping away her lies. I add my own note, my last note to Emily.

'_Love will tear us apart.'_

Underneath it I drew a broken heart with our initials in the segments...and then I left.

* * *

_Emily_

I'm woken at the crack of dawn by a text alert on my phone. Grabbing the beeping object I realise that actually it was slightly earlier than the crack of dawn.

5:20AM

Fucking hell it's early. Especially when you didn't go to bed until after two. The only person I could think would text me at this fucking hour is Naomi and hopefully, expectantly, I slide open the keyboard to read the message.

It's not from her; I don't know why I'm so surprised. I haven't heard anything from her since that phone message two days ago. But it is about her!

_Naomi was having fun last night, sorry we missed you guys. Party at ours this Friday_

It's from one of the girls I went to college with, one of Katie's mates I assume she's sent it to both of us as second's later Katie bursts into the room.

"Did you get that text as well?"

"Yeah, it woke me up."

My brain is still trying to work around what it means, if Helen saw Naomi last night that must mean she was here, in Bristol. Unless Helen had gone to London and bumped into her somewhere but the odds on that must be pretty high.

"Katie..."

"Yeah, I know Emsy, I'm on it, give me a second ok?"

I lay back on the bed watching as my sister messed with the phone in her hand, I thought she was sending a text them the bleary voice of her friend came over the speakerphone.

"Katie, what the fuck? It's early. I've just got to bed, can't this wait?"

"Helen, shut up, you woke me and Emily up with your fucking text and this is important. Where the fuck were you when you saw Naomi?"

"We were in the Caves, she was pretty fucking out of it you know. I take it you weren't with her then?"

"No we weren't with her, she's been missing for fucking days and everyone's worried about her. Now what time was it you last saw her?"

The voice at the other end of the phone suddenly sounded a bit clearer, a bit more focussed.

"Shit, Katie I didn't know or I'd have called."

"Yeah whatever, it's ok, now when did you see her last?"

"About four-ish, we were leaving and she was still there. She looked pretty far gone."

I didn't hear any more, my heart was thumping so hard in my chest I couldn't think clearly. I am torn between relief and heartbreak; she's home, back in Bristol but she hasn't come home, hasn't come to see me. Instead she's out getting wasted in a fucking nightclub.

"Emily....fucks sake..."

Katie's looking at me expectantly, I hate it when she does that, she knows when I've not been listening to her, she should know I've got more important things on my mind right now.

"What?" I snap back impatiently, "I'm trying to think of what to do."

"That's what I've just been saying. Get a shower, and get dressed. We're going out hunting for that blonde bitch and when we find her we're going to drag her ass back here."

"Katie...where would we even start? She's been missing for days; how the fuck do you expect us to find her?"

"Simple, we start at the club and go to every fucking place you've ever been to if we have to. We'll ask around, phone people whatever. Come on, you'll feel better if we're doing something. If you want her back Emily you're going to have to fight for her, you're going to have to go and find _her_ because it looks like she doesn't want to be found."

I nod, she's right. For once in our fucking lives Katie Fitch is right, not only is she right but she's making perfect sense. I can't just sit here regretting what I'd done. I had to make it right, isn't that what I'd waited for Naomi to do? Isn't that what I'd silently _demanded_ she do, after Sophia?

* * *

We searched everywhere, everywhere I could think she could be. Starting at the Caves we'd gone to cafes, shops, fast food joints. I'd shown her photograph to countless people in shops and garages, takeaways and hotels. After four hours on the streets we'd still drawn a blank.

I rang Gina as soon as it was a reasonable time to do so. I could tell she was relieved to hear Naomi was safe and home, but she hadn't been to see her. Hadn't called either, she was ringing everyone she knew as well just in case. So far nothing.

It was getting late, not in the day it was still early morning, but we had a funeral to attend and we couldn't miss it. Katie wanted to say goodbye to Freddie and me? Well I was hoping that Effy was right and that Naomi would turn up.

As we got onto the 34 bus at the station heading home I showed the driver her photograph and asked the same stupid question I'd asked all morning.

"Excuse me, I wondered if you might have seen this girl recently."

"Yes, she was on this bus a couple of hours ago. I remember."

My jaw just fell.

"Oh yes, couldn't miss her, couldn't miss the smell if you know what I mean. Looked and smelt like she'd had a hard couple of nights she did. Couple of my regulars weren't very happy I can tell you. Not a nice way to spend a morning stuck on a bus with someone like that."

I'm immediately hugged by my sister as the realisation of what this man; this glorious handsome fucking wonderful man had just told me. If Naomi was on the 34 bus a couple of hours ago she must have been going home. She's _at_ our home and in twenty short minutes I'd be able to see her, hold her, and tell her I'm sorry.

All of a sudden I'm dancing on air.

* * *

Dancing on air is quite frankly overrated.

I've just spent twenty-two of the most miserable minutes of my life. Stuck on a fucking bus crawling through the streets of Bristol at a snails pace. All I wanted to do was get home, not sit at traffic light after traffic light twitching and cursing at every delay.

When we finally get to our stop I literally drag Katie off the bus and set off at a run towards the house.

"Emily for fucks sake _will_ you slow down? I can't _run_ in these heels"

"Come _ON _Katie hurry the fuck up."

I'm sick and tired of her slowing me down and I run - keep on running until I'm at the door. The blue door my gateway to happiness. Overcome, I stand there, looking at the paintwork, looking though the glass key in hand, frankly suddenly fucking terrified.

I hear the clicking of heels on the path behind me and Katie's voice breaks my concentration.

"What the fuck are you waiting for you stupid bint, open the fucking door."

Hand shaking I do just that, twisting the key I finally open the door. Katie pushes me out of the way and barges into the house like a red-headed whirlwind.

"Where the _fuck_ are you lezzer, I'm going to _fucking_ kill you."

"KATIE, SHUT THE FUCK UP! NAOMI, ARE YOU HERE BABE?"

I'm running from room to room looking for a sign that she's been home, is home. Katie's already on the stairs grumbling as she goes.

"Seriously Ems, I'm going to kill her for this. I warned her not to hurt you again."

Sometimes, just sometimes I really want to hit her. but not right now, right now there are other things on my mind. I've just seen our blackboard, and I can't move for looking at it. I can hear Katie banging around the house.

"Emsy she's been here, there are clothes on the floor and…Jesus they stink."

I hear her footsteps as she comes back down, "She's not here Emsy, I'm sorry. But she's been back, judging by the mess she took a shower and left."

"Yeah," I reply still staring at the board, "Effy says she'll be at the funeral, probably wanted to get dressed for it."

She hugged me, oblivious to the words and picture that have cut through my heart like a knife.

"Then let's get ready and we can see her there. We can say goodbye to Freddie and you can make up with Naomi, I think he'd like that."

* * *

_Naomi_

This is fucking hard, I have no idea how I've managed to do it but I'm here at the cemetery. I guess I don't know why I'm here, needed to say sorry I guess. I've been stood back from the service, didn't go into the church, I just stood outside, hiding from the rain under a large tree. Watched them go in, watched as Freddie's coffin was carried in JJ and Cook and four people I didn't know supporting it. Watched as Karen and her dad followed the coffin into the small building. Watched as Red and Brown followed them Katie alongside them.

I don't think they saw me, don't think anyone saw me.

I know where they're going to bury Freddie, I can see the freshly dug grave from where I stand, can see the pile of earth that will be returned to the hole neatly covered in fake green grass. Absently I wonder _'why do they do that? We all know what it is, we all know what it's for why hide it?'_

Funerals are fake so I don't know why I'm surprised, don't really know why I'm bothered, I guess it's taking my mind of the girl in the building; taking my mind off who she is with.

All too soon they're out, and Freddie is carried once again by his friends, carried to the last place he will ever visit.

Finally laid to rest, this time with love rather than hate.

I've left the security of my tree, quietly stepped over to the group that surround the grave, stood behind them, slightly to the right of the trio. Emily knows I'm there, keeps turning to look at me, tears running down her face. She always was the emotional one; her eyes could fill with tears at the drop of a hat. I've never been able to resist those tears; usually it's me that put them there. With every stolen glance I can see the hurt, the desperation in her eyes but I won't look, can't look.

I'm hating this, hating it more than I'll ever be able to explain but I can't look at her, can't stand here and watch her say sorry for once again fucking a friend. Not today, not ever.

She's turned to look at me again, all I can do is stare at Cook in the distance, try to catch his eye, wink to say hello. I'm playing with the Zippo in my pocket, _click, click, click_ I guess it's annoying her because she frowns slightly at the noise.

'_that's right Emily, it's the one you got me, the one with your picture engraved on the side the one that says 'I love you'.'_

Cook finally sees me looking at him, sees my wink, returns it with one of his own. He looks sad, as sad as I am. I guess we've both buried someone we love today.

I watch in the rain as the friends and the family step forward to lay soil, or flowers or a personal momento into the grave, things to send Freddie on his way. Watch as Emily supports Effy and Katie, watch as they drop a single flower and return. Watch as the funeral ends. Pausing only for one last statement of fact I turn and leave. Leave before anyone else sees me, before anyone thinks to say hello.

* * *

_Emily_

She's gone, she's fucking gone again and I'm left standing here alone in the rain. All I wanted to do was talk to her, to hold her and tell her how much she means to me, tell her so she won't leave me again.

I'm too fucking late. I'd love it if, for once in my life, she'd stick around, body and soul stop fucking running away. So we'd had harsh words, so I'd hit her, we could work past it couldn't we? We'd been so happy recently.

I feel an arm slip around my shoulders as I stand there crying, crying again. I seem to spend my whole life with mascara running down my face.

"It's ok Emily; we'll see her back at Freddie's." Katie sounded so confident I almost believed her, inside I knew she wouldn't be there. I nod and feel her try to pull me away, "Come on sis, it's time to go."

As I turn I catch a glint out of the corner of my eye, a silver glint from where she was stood. Shaking off Katie's hand I walk over and pick it up, a silver lighter with my face blowing a kiss was left standing upright on the grass. It hadn't been dropped I know that, it was placed there as a marker, it was a message to me and I could read it as if it were words burnt in fifty foot letters of fire.

It said, quite simply. Goodbye.

* * *

_Naomi_

I knock at the door to Kieran's flat hoping mum will be there, I'm not disappointed as it's thrown open and within a heartbeat I'm dragged into a chest crushing bear hug.

"Where the fuck have you been love, Emily and I have been frantic with worry. What were you doing in London, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Mum...can't...breathe." I manage to gasp out and thankfully she releases me, I breathe a sigh of relief that's punctuated by a slap to the back of my head.

"Ow, Mum fuck off."

"You're lucky you only got that you stupid girl, we've been worried half to death about you." She stopped to study my bedraggled state.

"You're soaking, get in here I'll make a cup of tea, and we'll get you dry whilst I give you a piece of my mind."

I feel like smiling, but it won't come through. My mother, the aging hippy, wanting to give me a piece of her mind for going off and not telling her. The woman that left me time and time again and justified it by saying 'I just had to, it was important' was going to make tea and bollock me, it's priceless. So not Gina, I'm so glad I came.

She drags me through to the living room and I put my sopping coat over a radiator to dry and flop onto the sofa. A cup of tea with milk and sugar is dropped in front of me as mum sits down next to me and rails at me for my apparent thoughtlessness and stupidity. I drink my tea, letting her get it out of her system and wait for the inevitable question.

"So, what have you got to say for yourself?"

"I just had to mum, it was important."

She just looks at me before smiling, her face lighting up as she does so. "You're a cheeky bitch love, you know that?"

"Well I must get it from you mum," I reply not returning her smile. She leans across and takes my hand in hers. It's nice, it feels nice.

"Why did you do it Naomi, why did you leave like that, tell me what's wrong."

So I did, I sat here like I'd done days before and I poured out my heart to her. I told her about Emily and Effy, and shopping and lies and the harsh words we'd exchanged and how she'd hit me. Told her what I'd done and why I'd run, where I'd gone and what I'd found. Told her about morning kisses, funerals and the betrayal of your soul. Told her it all, bared my dragons to the one person other than Emily that I trusted to see them. Trusted to help me see what I needed to do.

"Do you still love her?"

A bolt out of the blue, no beating around the bush - get straight to the point there mum.

"Of course I do. But that's not enough is it, she doesn't love me. Not any more, we're playing a game, acting our roles as partners. She doesn't mean it not anymore."

"For such a bright girl you're really very stupid love. Emily has been here telling me all the same things. She's was devastated after you left, spent the whole night ringing you hoping to get through, spent time here with me and looked exhausted. I don't think she's slept for longer than a couple of hours whilst you've been away."

I bite my lip, "That's just guilt mum, I know remember? I've been there myself."

She hits me around the head again.

"That was worry Naomi Campbell, not guilt. I _think_ I can tell the difference, she didn't stop saying how sorry she was, didn't stop worrying. Told me all about your row, what she'd done, how badly she felt."

"Did she tell you she's been fucking our friend?"

Her eyes dropped at that, "No love she didn't, she never mentioned Elizabeth except to say that she didn't understand why you reacted the way you did. Are you sure you haven't made a mistake?"

I shook my head, "no mum, I saw them, have seen them. I've tried to blot it out, tried to deny it but it's all there. It's not a mistake, I don't just suspect her mum, I've seen them with my own eyes."

She's not got an answer to that I know, but she holds my hand again. "When was the last time you slept love, you look and sound exhausted."

I probably do, probably am. "I got an hour or so on the coach home the other morning and another hour on a bench at the bus station this morning before I went home."

"You've been home, what happened, didn't you see Emily? She was looking for you from 6 o'clock this morning. She got a text from a school friend that you were in a nightclub in town so she and Katie went to find you."

So that was why the house was empty, explains my luck I guess.

"No mum, there was no-one there, I only went to get a shower and get changed for the funeral." I yawned; warmth and comfort were making me sleepy, "I didn't see her until the funeral. We didn't talk."

"Well I'd better ring her, she'll be frantic."

"Mum, don't. Please don't call her. She knows I'm ok, she's seen me. If you call her she'll come round and it'll get ugly and I'm not ready to deal with that yet. I'm not ready to deal with her. To be absolutely honest all I want to do right now is curl up and go to sleep."

"Well love the spare room is all set up, why don't you do just that." She pulls me up from the sofa and propels me into the small room.

"let's get you out of those wet things and I'll dry them whilst you have a nap."

I strip to my underwear and lie down on the bed. God it feels good to be able to lie down comfortably, I'm convinced that it is impossible to know how good a bed feels unless you've spent at least a couple of nights on the streets. As I settle into the cool sheets and pull the duvet over me I can feel the exhaustion hit me like a wave. Burrowing my face into the cold pillow I breathe in a familiar smell.

"Mum, did Emily stay here whilst I was away?"

"She did, how did you know?"

"Just guessed," it was a lie of course, I knew her smell, knew how the perfume she bought reacted with her skin, knew how her shampoo left it's traces wherever she lay. Knew she'd slept here. I'd been inhaling that smell every chance I'd got ever since she first slept in my bed. She never needed to leave me that note; I knew she'd slept there. I'd never forget.

"Mum?" I asked sleepily as she picked up my clothes and went to leave, "Promise me you won't call her."

She sighed, "I won't love, not until you're ready for me to." She leant over and kissed the top of my head, "now get some sleep. Things will seem better when you wake up."

"Promise?" I ask, but she'd already gone. Burying myself in that familiar smell that is Emily I let myself fall asleep.

* * *

I'm woken by the sound of voices from outside the room. Sitting up I find a neat pile of clothes on the bedside table and quickly I get dressed and walk out into the living room.

"Morning Naomi, Gina said you were here." It's Kieran and mum gossiping away, looking far too happy.

"Morning? What time is it?"

"A little after seven love, you've slept right through."

"What! Why didn't you wake me?"

"Now Naomi, your mother and I thought you needed to sleep. Gina was telling me how tired you were, how little sleep you'd had."

I crashed onto the sofa, another day gone, another day of my life wasted. _Fucking great_.

"Are you going to see Emily this morning love?"

Christ, I'd only just woke up and I'm hit with the fucking questions. "I don't know, maybe, need to go home anyway. Can't stay here."

"Well you can stay here as long as you need dear, but if you don't go and see her I will call her and get her to come here."

Fucking mum, always the fucking do-gooder. Always trying to fix the problems of the world one cause at a time. Looks like this time I am her cause, I'm the one she's trying to fix. It's quite flattering in a way; but I don't need fixing.

I need rebuilding.

When you're this broken inside there's no way of just sticking a few bits back together and hoping for the best. I understand now, I understand Emily. I understand why she did what she did. I'd hurt her, broken her, ripped out her fucking heart. All I'd done that night in Freddie's shed was put a sticking plaster over the gaping wound that I'd created. She'd pretended to be happy, but ultimately she needed rebuilding too.

She could do it though; she was always the strong one, always the brave one. She'll get through; is getting through.

Me?

I don't know but I'll try. I'll try to start the process of rebuilding just for her, because I want us back together more than I think I've wanted anything before in my life, she is my life, London taught me that.

"I'll go and see her mum, I'll try."

"That's all you can do dear, now...how about some breakfast?"

* * *

_Emily_

'_She's home, asleep, I'll try to get her to come round and see you later'_

How can one fucking text message change your world, turn it on its head totally change your mood?

I was standing in the doorway to Freddie's shed when it arrived. I was buried in my own misery trying desperately to deal with what she'd done. Standing at the doorway of where it had all changed for me. Where the misery and heartache had finally ended and our love had been re-born; like a phoenix from the flames, beautiful and pure. Only to quickly become tarnished and corrupt by the evils of the world.

I can't help but wonder what could have happened if Dr Foster had never met Effy, if Effy hadn't gone insane, if Freddie had survived. It's a fruitless game; if he hadn't gone missing there wouldn't have been that party. She would never have stood there; we'd probably still be apart. In a way Freddie was a sacrifice to our love; in his death we were pushed together. As punishment his death had also pushed us apart.

Then Gina sent me the message and I was reborn again. Quickly I fumbled to call her back, to find out all she knew.

"Hello dear. I knew you'd call."

"How is she, where has she been, is she all right, can I see her?" I fire the questions at her like bullets, wanting all the answers right now.

"Slow down Emily dear, she's fine if a little tired. She's asleep at the moment and I'm not going to wake her, she said she's only had a few hours sleep in all the time she's been away."

"I want to see her, I'm coming over; I'll wait for her to wake up."

"Emily love, don't. Not yet, she made me promise not to ring you; she's not ready to see you just yet. But don't worry. I'll get her to see you."

I deflate just a little, she doesn't want to see me, I can't even grasp onto the beauty of that word 'yet'. She even made her mum promise not to call me, not to let me know she's ok. Just how much does she hate me right now?

"Gina? Thanks for breaking your promise, thanks for calling me."

"I didn't break my promise Emily love, you called me. I promised not to ring you and I didn't. She didn't mention text messages though. I'm not sure she thinks I know how."

I can't help but laugh at that, typical Gina, twisting the rules to match what she needs.

"You'll see her later love, if I have to chain her down and drag her over to you."

"Thanks Gina, I love you."

"I love you too Emily dear, now if you'll excuse me I'd better go check on sleeping beauty."

* * *

I meet up with Katie and Effy with a spring in my step that's really not appropriate for the aftermath of a funeral. I'm pleased to see that they're smiling at me as I walk up.

"She's home then." Fucking Effy, she does it again.

"That obvious?"

"Fuck yes Emsy, even I could fucking see it!" my sister, ever the subtle one. She can't dampen my mood though. Effy slaps her on the arm as a rebuke.

"So why are you still here? Why haven't you gone to see her?"

I tell them everything that Gina told me, my happiness and fears bubbling over as I do so.

"Right then," Effy says, her blue eyes twinkling. "We should all go home so you can wait for her. When she comes round I'll take this one, "She elbows Katie, "for a beer before she attacks her and you guys can talk things through...again."

She rolls her eyes dramatically; I just smile at the effect, frankly she's not as good as Naomi is at pulling that off.

"But Emily, please fix this. I'm getting tired of having to repair your relationship every five minutes." She smiles lightly to rob the words of any offence, "Plus I'm tired of having to listen to Katie tell me how much she hates Naomi every time you guys fall out. My life is much more pleasant when you guys are happy."

I can't help but snigger at Katie's face, she looks outraged.

"So are we going then? Katie, do me a favour and go find our coats so we can get out of here."

"What about Freddie?" I interrupt quickly, "This is for Freddie, I can go on my own. You need to be here for him."

Effy just smiled sadly, Katie put her arm around her shoulders and gave her a comforting squeeze.

"This party isn't about Freddie Emily, it's about us. Freddie's not here, "she gestured around the house, "he's in here," she tapped her head, "and in here" tapped her chest. "I don't need to be here for Freddie, Freddie's everywhere with me now. He'll never leave me, not really. Naomi helped me see that when she dragged me to yours from the park that night. I found Freddie when she found me. He's been with me ever since."

"This is a time for life Emily, not for death. I've said goodbye, as much as I'll ever say goodbye to him. It's time for me, time for us to move on, begin our futures. So get our coats, I'll say our goodbyes and we'll go back to yours and celebrate life. You and Naomi, and me and Katie. Let's go and celebrate what we have."

There's not a lot I can say to that, so that's exactly what we do.

* * *

Later, hours and hours later I'm sat on the floor at home, resigned to the knowledge that she's not coming home tonight. I've passed on the drinks that Kay and Eff have been making. I promised myself I'd be sober when she arrived, so I could deal with what I needed to say properly. Those two have been drinking steadily since we got back. I don't think I can blame them not with what they've been through today. At this particular moment in time they've passed out in each other's arms on the sofa.

Carefully I drape a blanket over them as I head up to bed. Tomorrow I'll deal with this, tomorrow morning I'm going over to see her. First thing, as soon as I'm awake.

Tomorrow this gets sorted.

* * *

Showered, dressed and ready I look at the clock. 8:20AM, later than I'd hoped but still early enough. I walk downstairs and grab my crash helmet from the living room, trying not to disturb the girls. They've twisted around in their sleep and Katie's got her face buried into Effy shoulder. It's so cute I almost want to get my phone and take a picture.

It would be perfect blackmail material for the next time she tries to wind Naomi up about being gay.

As I stare at the two of them I realise that Effy is looking at me, a question in her eyes.

"I'm going to Gina's." I whisper so as not to wake Katie.

She blinked at me, "Is that a good idea?" she whispered back.

"Don't know, don't care," I reply, "got to do it. Fed up of waiting. It's my turn to go to her this time."

She holds my gaze for a few seconds before nodding her understanding. "Good luck," she mouthed as Katie once again twists in her sleep snuggling even closer.

I just wink by way of reply.

Twenty minutes later I'm knocking on the door of the flat and as Kieran opened it I push past him into their living room.

"Naomi, babe, where are you?"

"Emily love what are you doing here?" Gina looks and sounds startled.

"She didn't come Gina so I've come to find her, where is she? I need to speak to her!"

"She's not long woke up Emily, that's why she didn't come to see you last night. She slept right through until this morning. She's not here; she left first thing after breakfast. She's gone back home to see you."

_Shit_

* * *

_Effy_

Emily's gone and I'm left on the sofa with Katie Fitch. She's fast asleep her head buried in my shoulder and I can't help thinking how nice it is. We've only been out a couple of times, but both times it's been great, even with what's happening around us.

She understands me, understands what I'm going through because she's going through it herself. It's nice, not having to explain myself all the time. Not having to explain my mood swings, being able just to be me. It's strange but I remember a conversation with Katie, an upset hurt conversation where I was taking the blame for something she had done.

"_Do I ever get to be upset; do I ever get to be anyone but me?"_

Well now I do, now I can and I'm totally happy as a result of it. His is probably the first relationship where I can be someone other than Effy, no matter what she calls me. We'd had a good night the other day, Emily wasn't home when we returned and we'd spent the night together. Nothing had happened, nothing yet we're taking things slow. We're still unsure about what we have; but it had been a good night and a happy morning before I'd had to leave.

"That feels nice babe."

For a moment I don't understand what she means, then I realise I've been stroking her hair, unconsciously stroking her red fucking hair like a lovesick teenager. What the fuck is she doing to me?

"Don't stop Eff, it's a nice way to be woken, no-one's ever woke me up like that before."

I look down at her eyes, smiling and continuing to brush my fingers through her hair. Her hand comes up to brush my face, trailing across my cheek and onto my lips. Softly I kiss her fingers as they pass.

"Morning Katie, I won't ask if you slept well, because I assume you feel as badly as I do. Hangovers and cramp don't really mix do they?"

"Actually Eff, I feel great, ache a lot but it's worth it."

She's actually a lot sweeter than her personality lets on, who would believe it? Katie Fitch is a pussy-cat underneath that bitchy exterior.

"Well I'll put up with the aches and pains then babe, just for you." I winked at her happy to see her smile in response. She doesn't smile very often our Katie and it's nice, it changes her face. She's always been attractive, but when she smiles she's actually very pretty.

Before I realise what's happening her hand is sliding up my leg and she's slid herself up my body and kissed me.

Katie is kissing me.

We've kissed before, awkward unsure kisses. I'd kissed her properly after our first date together because she'd been so sweet, so perfect. But this time she was kissing me and her hand is slipping further up my leg and under the hem of my skirt and...

Wow.

This is Katie Fitch feeling me up, pushing her tongue into my mouth and acting like I'm the only person in the world that matters. I can feel my hands running over her body, pulling her into the kiss we share, the connection that we've made. Her fingers are running gently over the inside of my thigh and I'm so fucking turned on you would not believe it.

I slip my hands under her crumpled shirt and run them up her spine, desperate to feel her flesh under my fingers. Her left hand is wrapped in my hair; her right is teasing me, such exquisite torture.

"Katie," I mouthed as we broke for air, "are you sure you want to do this, do you think we're ready?"

She plunged back into the kiss and silenced me with her tongue, her fingers pushed past the thin fabric of my underwear and slipped inside me. Through my rising lust I could feel the scrape of her manicured nails as they thrust into my heaving body, her mouth was now at my neck, biting and kissing and pushing me over the edge.

I'm being fucked by a girl, I'm being fucked by Katie and it feels so right.

Her fingers are working like lightning now and I can feel the rush as my body reacts to her ever touch, her every thrust. Desperately I scrape my nails down her back over her hips and down into her jeans trying to unbutton them. Deftly she moves her hips away from my grasping hands, denying me access. My whole body is screaming as she moves down my body before burying her head between my legs and licking at me. It's like she knows exactly what to do; every flick of the tongue sends me higher and more breathless. It's like we've been lovers for years, for decades, like she knows every secret of my body.

As Katie licks, and sucks and bites I'm pulling at her hair, grabbing at the sofa, biting at my lip desperate for release, desperate to have her make me come. I'm totally exposed to this red-haired vixen and I can't control myself any longer. As her tongue flashed over me one more time I give myself to her utterly and standing with my back to the gates of heaven I hurl myself into the abyss as the fires of my orgasm consume me.

Moments later it's all ruined, this one beautiful moment is ruined forever as I see blue eyes looking at me in horror from outside the window then in a flash, she's gone.

* * *

_Naomi_

Red and brown, red and fucking brown, the colours of autumn, the end of summer, the death of happiness.

I'd run; of course I had. That's what I'm good at, that's all I've ever been good at. I run physically and I run mentally. How could I expect any different.

How could I expect her not to move on? I'd screamed at her that we were over; sent her the message in so many ways. She'd obviously listened, made her decision followed her heart.

At least they're not here now. I'd come back to sort a few things out, waited until I was sure the house was empty, waited for hours hidden away, not willing to face her, face them again.

I'd been angry, of course I had, and the remains of the house are a reflection of that anger. I'd stamped and screamed and thrown things. I'd smashed our pictures and ripped the blackboard from the wall incensed at the 'I love you' message that had erased my last. I'd raged and rampaged through the place that I'd called 'ours,' my dragons roaring and burning everything I touched. I'd slashed clothes and broke plates and screamed and screamed and screamed.

My rage knew no boundaries.

Finally I'd calmed down, pushed past the rage, through the anger and finally fallen headlong into the sinking pit of depression. I was heartbroken all over again, that was it, my life had ended in those autumnal shades and I was no longer complete, no longer Naomi.

I'd fought my dragons, caged them and then I had been consumed in the fire that was Emily _Fucking_ Fitch. I'd fought them for her, broke down the walls of Castle Campbell for her and she'd walked over the rubble and proceeded to destroy my life.

I have one last thing I need to do; she needs to understand exactly what she's done to me. I need to explain before I can leave, before I can run once more and leave the pain behind.

Ten minutes later I've done what I needed to do. I've left the laptop on the bed, its speakers playing a playlist she's never heard before, one that I've always had hidden.

It's now complete, the last tracks added to the story of our relationship, from 12 to nearly 18, six years of my life explained in music.

I hope she gets it, suspect she will. She was always the arty one, always the clever one. Mum would never get it, but I've left her something as well. She'll need to understand why I've gone away, why I won't be coming back.

Pulling the door behind me I post my key through the letterbox, I won't be needing that again, won't ever be coming back to this doorway, back to the pain.

Dimly through my tears I hear my name being called and I can see her, see them together at the end of the street. I do what comes naturally; I do what I'm so very good at.

I run, and I don't look back.

* * *

So here I am, back where it all ended; back on the top of the car park next to the nightclub where Sophia killed herself. Where I thought Emily was going to kill herself, where she nearly killed me.

I walk across the grey tarmac, towards the low parapet that surrounds the building and sit on it, feet dangling over the edge. It's not a long way down, only about five stories, but you get a great view from up here. You can see a lot of the city, the churches, and the shiny buildings glinting as the sun hits them as it begins to set.

I'm not really looking, I've got no interest in sunsets, or buildings or beauty anymore, my life is shattered, lying around me in pieces and there's nothing I can do about it. It's like a jigsaw puzzle with no picture to work from, parts missing and no images on the pieces to help.

I don't really know why I came here, but I knew I had to. This is where I was when it fell apart on me last time, and it seems appropriate that this should be where I find myself as it falls apart again. The lake, the house, London; none of those places made me feel any better; if anything they made me feel worse. I'd gone back hunting for memories of better times, happier times; times that I thought were burnt into my memory. But I found that I can no longer feel anything about them, today I can barely remember them. Lost forever, seared away by that memory of red and brown.

I've been sitting here for what feels like hours, occasionally I've seen people look up from the street and point at me, but eventually they've moved away. I guess I could be nothing more than an Anthony Gormley statue to them, stuck on top of the building a bronze figure frozen in time. I've moved about as much as one.

Don't feel like moving, don't feel like anything really. I'm locked on, locked in, spiralling downwards in a sea of red and brown and pain beyond pain. It's all I can think of and I'm replaying the scene over and over again torturing myself. Locked in my own misery.

* * *

I'm dragged out of my destructive thoughts by the sound of the door banging open behind me and my name being screamed. I stand and turn; through my endless tears I see red and brown approaching. Fuck knows how she found me; I stand on the parapet and turn my back to them. I don't want to see them, don't want to see them together.

Why would they think that I would?

I can hear _her_ behind me; hear Effy as she tries to talk me down from the ledge where I stand. Like that is _ever_ going to work. As I stand on the parapet I can stare down at the street below, the concrete flower beds filled with green and red, the busy pavement filled with people standing and pointing, and the road with its cars, motorbikes and empty bus lane, grey against grey.

I can see her out of the corner of my eye; she's walked towards me holding out her hand. I can't hear everything she's saying, don't think I want to. I make out the tired old platitude, 'it's not what you think.'

How do you explain what I've seen? What happened Emily? Let me guess, you tripped and shoved your tongue down Effy's fucking throat? Stuck your hand up her skirt as you tried to get up? Fucked her by accident?

All a fucking mistake, not what it seemed. Honest.

I make one fucking mistake in our whole relationship and I get punished for months, yet she carries on like I don't matter; JJ, Sara, Mandy and now Effy. It's not fair, it's not _fucking_ fair and her being here makes it all the more painful. Being here with _her_ makes it all the more real.

"What did you say when we were here last Ems?" I shout into the sky, not daring to look at her. "It's all so _fragile_, well you were right. It is; I am. _Fragile_."

"I told you that you were the one person that could ruin my life. Didn't you understand the power you have over me? Don't you _understand_ what it means? I told you that you had the power to ruin my life and you did it anyway. Do you hate me that much Emily, do you hate me that much for what I did to you?"

"Everything is so fucking fragile Ems and I can't do this anymore. Can't feel the way I do about you when you don't share it. This is my gift to you Emily Fitch, my last and greatest gift. I'm giving you your freedom, giving you the chance to take what you want in this life without having to worry about me, if you ever did."

I turn back to the city, the cold empty city and take a deep breath.

"I love you Emily, I always have and I always will, remember that."

I close my eyes and step off the parapet, after a thankfully brief sensation of falling I feel the sharp impact of my head hitting concrete and then, finally, black.


	20. Before, During and After – Part 1

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently a lot more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**A/N** – LuvActually, I know you said you don't want the angst at the moment, stick with me kiddo I think it'll be worth it in the end.

This one goes out to the nicest fire-fighter I've ever not-met and to all of you that helped keep me sane in this last crazy week. Not 100% with this one, it seemed easy when I planned it oh so long ago but it's proved to be harder than I thought...damned music.

Oh and I'm going to have a little rant at the end, so if you can't be arsed reading, get to the bottom and hit that back button (-:

Anyway, Ladies, Gentlemen, small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri I give you Chapter 20 of this little ride. You may not like my choices here, but I'd actually _love_ to hear your versions of this, but be nice – I'm fragile too (-:

**Chapter 20 – Before, During and After – Part 1**

_Earlier - Emily _

'_What the fuck'_

I think we've been burgled, at least that is my first thought as I opened the door into the house. All I can see is wreckage. Pictures are smashed and left on the floor; clothes are strewn about the place.

I pick my way through the debris, there's no sign of a break in. The TV is still there, as is the stereo and I can hear the sound of music playing from upstairs. The kitchen is pretty much intact and all the usual items that people would steal are all still there, even the phone that's still lying on the table. Only our blackboard has been ripped from the wall and there's the wreckage of crockery. It's like a party has happened in the time I've been away and it got more than a little out of hand.

I grab a knife from the open drawer and begin my search of the house, the sound of music from our bedroom is unnerving and if I'm honest I'm freaking out. Well who wouldn't in my place? Alone in a trashed house with creepy music echoing around, who the fuck am I Neve Campbell?

_Campbell_... shit, it couldn't be, could it?

"Naomi, is that you?" I call out nervously, "Are you up there?"

I'm greeted by silence, well apart from the music.

Holding the knife out in front of me I search the upstairs for signs of life and on finding none allow myself to release the breath I didn't realise I was holding.

'_Thank fuck for that.'_

It's still fucking creepy though; I appear to be all alone in a house that's playing fucking music at me. Fuck Naomi and her fucking horror movies. I can feel and hear the pulse throbbing through my temples as my heart races its merry little dance of terror; as my imagination takes over and decides to run riot with reality.

Following the sound of the music into our bedroom, scattered with clothes and the shredded mess that was once a black dress. I sit on the bed, next to the laptop computer that's open and playing. It's Naomi's laptop, not the one her mother had bought her for college after she sold their "far too large for the two of us house" and downsized to the place we now called home. It was an older computer, one that I didn't even remember she had. I'd seen it before of course; she'd ordered pizza on it when I was visiting. I've never seen her play music on it though, had no idea that she had a copy of iTunes installed.

I didn't even know she owned an iPod; fucks sake I've never seen her with one anyway, she'd always used CD's in the house. How many _more _things are there that I don't know about her?

BZZZZZZZ

"Jesus _fucking_ Christ"

Already freaked out, I'm scared out of my fucking skin as the phone in my pocket vibrates wildly as a text message arrives. Dropping the knife onto the floor and digging in my pocket for the phone I lean over to close the computer and shut off the noise. As I do so I catch a fleeting glance at the playlist title. It simply read 'Emily'

'Emily.' Why has Naomi got a playlist called 'Emily'? More importantly why is it playing now? Has she been fucking home, has she been here and started this music? Well where the fuck is she now then, and more importantly why did she leave this playing?

With the text message forgotten I pay attention to the music that's playing, it's not a track I recognise but I think know the band, it's very Naomi, very 80's. I glance at the track listing, _Ruined in a Day._ What the fuck has that got to do with me?

I'm suddenly interested and I take a closer look. I've no idea why she's got a playlist named after me. At first I thought it might be her version of the old 'mix-tape.' Something she'd put together for me, a playlist of my favourite songs. But even at a glance I can tell that this is not what it's about, some of the tracks I recognise, but there's an awful lot that I don't, or I don't actually like.

"_Some People Like To Deceive You, While Others May Feel That They Need You, I'll Do The Best That I Can, Keeping My Life In My Hands."_

It's weird, and haunting and deep, just like her. But what has it got to do with me? Grabbing the laptop I sit back on the bed, propped up on the pillows and I look at the playlist from the start, double clicking the first track.

"_Caroline Laughs And It's Raining All Day"_

I can't help but smile, fucking hell I _love_ this song, it's one of my all time favourites from one of my all time favourite movies.

"_Pretty In Pink, Isn't She? Pretty In Pink"_

Naomi hates this song, hates the film. I know this for a fact, she moans at me when I play it, won't sit in the room with me when I watch the film, _'what the fuck is it on her playlist for?'_

I hit the forward button, anxious to see the next track; this one's an upbeat one. Unconsciously I find my foot tapping to the rhythm

'_Her face is a map of the world, Is a map of the world, You can see she's a beautiful girl, She's a beautiful girl, And everything around her is a silver pool of light, The people who surround her feel the benefit of it, It makes you calm, She holds you captivated in her palm._

_Suddenly I see, This is what I wanna be, Suddenly I see, Why the hell it means so much to me'_

I know this one, used to dance along to it with Katie and it's so not Naomi it's scary. It's like someone broke into our house and created a list of records she fucking _hates_. It's fascinating, intriguing in fact. I start paying attention to the list, wondering what it means and why she created it. Right clicking on the headings at the top of the track list I scroll through the options until I find the 'Date added' field.

'_Fucking hell'_

Initially I recognise it's a mish-mash of dates, tracks have been added at different times and obviously the playlist has been re-ordered to fit some kind of favourite tunes listing, a musical listing that's for, or about me. I do the same thing with my playlists; I've got a 'happy' list and a 'pissed off with Naoms' list. One makes me happy; one makes me happier than I was when I was pissed off with her.

Which was a lot in the early days of our relationship; an awful lot actually.

I haven't played it for a long time. Recently I didn't want to play it, didn't want to lose my anger at her. I needed to grasp onto that anger with an iron fist and use it like a weapon. Very recently I've not needed it; finally I'd managed to give up that anger and love her again, no need to be pissed off with her. Very-very recently I've been too worried about her to listen to fucking music. I can't think why I'm sat here now, apart from the fact that the music is a link to her and I really, really want to know what it means. It's a work in progress, obviously, some of the later tracks have been added today but I'll get to them later.

The track ends and a new one begins. '_She's the One'_...ok this is officially beginning to get creepy now. I hit the next track button and a familiar song pipes through the tiny, tinny speakers.

'_When I saw you again in the summertime. If your love was as sweet as mine, I could be Sunday's girl._

_Hurry up, hurry up and wait, I stay awake all week and still I wait, I got the blues, please come see, what your loving means to me'_

Now this one I understand her likingI love Blondie; and Debbie Harry in her prime.... Mmmmm. Lovely.

Next up is The Beautiful South's version of _'You're The One That I Want'_, well even _I_ doubt that Naomi would put up with the original, and this one has a real earthy feel to it that's a lot more _her_. Still a surprise though. She's actually got decent taste in music. Shame all I've had to listen to for the last few months is 80's pop and fucking hardcore dance.

Now it's the Beatles, the fucking _Beatles_ for Christ's sake, I know a lot of people love them but God...I mean, they're old. I might have to take back the decent taste in music comment.

'_Everywhere people stare, each and every day._

_I can see them laugh at me, and I hear them say_

_Hey you've got to hide your love away_

_Hey you've got to hide your love away_

_How can I even try, I can never win._

_Hearing them, seeing them, in the state I'm in.'_

It's not even one of their happy tunes is it? Though looking down at the playlist she's obviously not going through a happy moment.

'_When you were here before, Couldn't look you in the eye, You're just like an angel, Your skin makes me cry, You float like a feather, In a beautiful world, I wish I was special, You're so fucking special, _

_But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here'_

Back to fucking misery, angst in musical form. It's a serious come-down after the relative happiness of the previous tracks. As I listen to the guitars fade out I'm shocked by the next record, it's _our_ tune, no, _one_ of our tunes. S-Club fucking 7. I can't help but smile as I remember her threatening to throw me out over listening to it one happier morning where everything was simple between us, before we argued, before I'd hit her. It was cute, she'd added the song that was playing at that party to her list, _'I wonder what's next?' _

'_And the wise man say I don't want to hear your voice, And the thin man say I don't want to hear your voice, And they're cursing me, and they won't let me be, And there's nothing to say, and there's nothing to do_

Stop whispering, start shouting, Stop whispering, start shouting'

More Radiohead. It's a strange choice, why would she have that after our song, the song that played when we kissed for the first time? I can't help but be caught up in my happy little memory of that moment and I'm slightly surprised to hear that the music has changed again.

'_Since I Met You, This Small Town Hasn't Got Room, For My Big Feelings_

Violently Happy! 'Cause I Love You, Violently Happy! But You're Not Here, Violently Happy! Come Calm Me Down, Before I Get Into Trouble'

I don't recognise this one at all, weird sounding indie shit, definitely not to my taste but the next title interests me, 'Crying.' Well we'd both been doing a lot of that recently.

'_Crying 'Cause I Need You, Crying I Can Feel You, Crying 'Cause I Need You, Crying Cause I Care'_

Well the lyrics don't make any fucking sense at all, but you've got to love that chorus. I wish I could text it to her right now and have her see it. It obviously means something to her. It means something to me now because that's exactly how I feel right at this moment. That voice cuts right to my heart and the misery sets in hard. Fuck I miss her, want her home. Why does life have to be so fucking complicated?

I'm dragged from my sadness as another record comes back onto the system; this is where I came in, the first track I heard.

'_Listen, I may be wrong but you're missing, there's something wrong you could say. Ruined in a Day. _

_You could be the lover of jade, forever on your own in the shade, let's do it anyway'_

_Some People Like To Deceive You, While Others May Feel That They Need You, I'll Do The Best That I Can, Keeping My Life In My Hands.'_

Pressing forward I get the next song, I know this one. Didn't realise it was the same band though, never heard of the first one but it's another moving one.

_I feel so extraordinary, Something's got a hold on me, I get this feeling I'm in motion, A sudden sense of liberty. I don't care 'cause I'm not there, And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow. Again and again I've taken too much, of the things that cost you too much _

_I used to think that the day would never come. I'd see the light in the shade of the morning sun. My morning sun is the drug that brings me near, to the childhood I lost, replaced by fear.'_

You just can't stop tapping your foot to this one and I sink back on the bed to enjoy it, enjoy the choices that she's put together. Imagine for a second that she's here with me listening to the music, explaining why she likes each and every one in that voice that she only uses when she's really passionate about something, like a cause or a protest, or me.

I would love her to lie next to me and tell me what she was thinking when she chose this track, any of these tracks. For her to tell me what they mean to her, why they're important.

'_I've been waiting for a guide to come and take me by the hand. Could these sensations make me feel the pleasures of a normal man? New sensations bear the innocence, leave them for another day. I've got the spirit, lose the feeling, take the shock away._

_It's getting faster, moving faster now, it's getting out of hand. On the tenth floor down the backstairs into no mans land. Lights are flashing cars are crashing, getting frequent now. I've got the spirit lose the feeling, let it out somehow.'_

Quickly I hit the forward button; the track is horrible, all disjointed and frenetic. After the last it is musical discord and I really don't like it; it seems to symbolise a messed up time and a messed up mind.

'_Shyness is nice and Shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to. So, if there's something you'd like to try. If there's something you'd like to try. Ask me I won't say no, how could I?'_

Now there is a surprise, I had no idea that she was into The Smiths. '_Eclectic taste Naomi, eclectic I'll give you that.'_

Next it's a bit of Bon Jovi, and then another familiar tune, Lily Allen's 'The Fear' her version of our tune. I hit next, House of Pain? Jump Around?

What?

I'm seeing a picture develop here or at least I think I do, those last few tracks trigger a happy memory of a party that started badly but with the help of a load of drugs got a lot, lot better. I remember those tracks like it was yesterday; remember what she said the Lily Allen track signified to her. It's a stretch but Jump Around?

Did that really refer to all the jumping we did on the bouncy castle until she fell laughing to the floor and I took my chance once again climbing on top of her to steal a kiss and having her respond in kind. Properly respond, linking her arms around my shoulders and pulling me down, pulling my lips onto hers like it was the only thing she wanted. But it was only the drugs right? It was only the drugs then...

Except was it?

A vision of her flashes through my memory; I can see her standing in front of me, stood in that shed with that red spotted dress and that black cardigan telling me that she'd loved me since she was _twelve_. She loved me, she wanted me, she'd _always_ wanted me. It can't have been the drugs; not _only_ the drugs anyway. That little episode in our life meant something to her and she captured it in music.

Captured it before fucking off and pretending it didn't happen and leaving me dazed and confused. Following her to pub quizzes, not sure what the fuck we meant to each other. Following her around, looking out for her at college like a lovesick puppy and having her hide from me at every occasion.

Could that be it?

I'm not totally convinced; this is Naomi Campbell I'm talking about. Staid, sensible Naomi. Unemotional, aloof, without a romantic or artistic bone in her body.

Except with me, except when she's with me. She's always been different around me.

I press on through the playlist, hungry now to see if I'm right or wrong. See if I can find the pattern in the songs, see if I can get one more piece for the jigsaw I've been trying to build for four years, the puzzle that is Naomi.

'_Tender is the night, lying by your side. Tender is the touch of someone that you love too much. _

_Tender is the day, the demons go away. Lord, I need to find, someone who can heal my mind.'  
_

It fucking is isn't it, it absolutely fucking is. I click through a couple of tracks I don't understand and then find one that I actually like.

'_Bicycle bicycle bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle.  
I want to ride my bicycle.  
I want to ride my bike.  
I want to ride my bicycle.  
I want to ride it where I like.'_

Foot tapping rock music, and I can't help but smile at it. Katie Melua's _'Closest thing to Crazy_' is up next, then '_Night Swimming' _and then, oh my fucking God!

'_Never know how much I love you, never know how much I care, when you put your arms around me. I get a fever that's so hard to bear._

_You give me fever, when you kiss me, Fever when you hold me tight_

_Fever, in the morning, fever all through the night'_

I feel a little shudder roll down my spine. Well if this is about what I think it's about, well, she's hardly subtle is she?

I'm pressing past the tracks now, too many to play, too many for me to understand but I'm positive they have some relationship to me and her. I'm absolutely convinced that every track in this playlist is something she associates with some part of our life together.

I'm looking out for the obvious ones, the ones I think I can recognise. There's one that might be about JJ and me, a Toploader track that I think can only refer to that horrible night at Gobblers End followed by _'Don't Leave Me This Way.' _Weird again, not something I'd think she'd ever listen to, what the fuck does that refer to and why is the next track _'Bitch?'_

I've been clicking wildly through the tracks listening briefly or just looking at the track name, but I'm suddenly stopped in my tracks. Literally as well as figuratively. _'Ruined in a Day'_ I've just listened to that, why has she put it on again? I'm then faced with _'Ballroom Blitz' _and '_I Saw Her Standing There'_

Ballroom Blitz? Of all the tracks she could play she put that one in...Nope I'm totally confused now; I have no idea what this is all about. I guess I'm just clutching at straws desperate to make sense of what I'm listening to. Trying to make sense of the chaos that is Nai's musical choices.

"_and then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you."_

"Oh!"

* * *

_Earlier - Katie_

"Stupid, _fucking_, blonde lezzer _bitch_!"

I look across at Effy who's just raised an eyebrow at me.

"_What?_"

I'm fucking _sick_ of trying to find Naomi. We seem to have spent all day doing it since Effy dragged me from the house this morning. We wandered around for hours trying to find her only to see her when we went back to hers. Of course the silly cow did a fucking runner again when we shouted her and we've been chasing her shadow ever since. My feet hurt; I'm tired and more than a bit grumpy. Hence my latest little outburst.

At least I'm with Effy, that's a comfort. She's taken my grumbling in good spirit all day. Now she's just smirking at me in that enigmatic fucking way she does. Her eyebrow is still hoiked to the sky like I'm supposed to understand something. Then it hits me.

Ah!

"Exactly" she says smugly. She must have seen the realisation hit my face.

"Fuck off Eff."

She linked her arm with mine as we walked, "Aw Kay, I thought you loved me."

Since when did she start using Emily's nick-name for me, the one she uses when she isn't pissed off with me? I'm not complaining mind you, it sounds nice coming from her, just like it does coming from Emsy. Unfortunately this time it's linked to a question I'm not emotionally prepared to answer.

"I, er…"

Fortunately I don't have to say anything as she's read me again.

"Katiekins I'm just messing with you so don't look at me like that. But seriously Kay are you really going to keep calling Naomi that after this morning? After the last few days?"

"Yeah, 'cause she _is_ fucking stupid, and blonde and a bitch. This morning has nothing to do with that, this morning happened because it happened yeah? We're not gay! We're just _us_."

"So this morning meant nothing to you then Katie," she said releasing my arm, stopping in the middle of the street. "None of this has meant anything; you were just fucking with me!"

Shit, me and my big fucking mouth. That wasn't what I meant, definitely, but how can I tell her that? I look across for help but just get her blue eyes looking back at me, just a hint of the hurt showing through. She's doing her best to be 'Effy the unknowable' again but she's not fooling me. I know I've just hurt her feelings and I need to fix it.

"Eff," I begin leaning on a handy wall to steady myself, "That's not what I meant at all. What I meant is that you and me we just _are_, you know? We just are and labels don't fit that. I'm not gay, I just like _you_ ok, I'm sure I'm pretty close to fucking loving you but I'm not gay. I'm not like Emily or Naomi; I'm just not. I'm different to them, I've always liked boys. Until now that is."

"Kay, I once told you to have a long chat with Naomi. I think the time for that is rapidly approaching."

There she is again, that blonde bitch is getting involved in my fucking relationship and she's not even here. Hang on, did I just say relationship? _Fuck_.

"Why would I want to talk to her Eff? You heard her; she's been lusting after my sister since she was a kid, she knew what I knew, she's always been gay."

"In love with Katie; she said she's been _in love_ with your sister since she was a kid. Not the same thing and I think you know it." She looks at me with exasperation written all over her face, "and sometimes you really are an emotionless stump aren't you. You don't understand people; you never tried with her at all. That's why you don't understand her, try a little empathy Katie; Jesus, it might do you fucking good."

She glares at me before turning and beginning to walk away from me.

"Still doesn't explain why you think I should talk to her." I offer quickly, trying desperately to defuse the situation that, even I can tell, is rapidly heading down shit-street.

"Because you're more alike than you think Katie, just that." She replies without stopping or turning her head. "You two have more in common than you'd probably believe. Especially now, think about it and let me know when you get it."

I run after her and link my hand with hers, forcing her to accept my fingers between hers, squeezing tightly; _'be brave Katie, don't fucking blow this.'_

"I still don't understand Eff but don't do that, don't walk away." I drag her to a halt, forcing her to look at me.

"She drives me fucking mad sometimes and she keeps hurting Emily and I hate that. It doesn't make me a bad person. What I say about her doesn't make how I feel about you any different. Please, don't make me and _fucking_ her be about me and you OK? I'm just pissed off because you've dragged me out here to look for her, again, when I can think of a hundred better things we could be doing right now. We should be somewhere enjoying ourselves, not chasing down Blondie and arguing about it."

A smile, that's good, that's better. She stares into me, her eyes ripping through me like blue lasers cutting out my deepest secrets. I can't help but blush under the intensity of her look, the beauty of her smile.

"D'you know what Kay?" she said with that smile still on her face. "Just occasionally, very occasionally, you're actually quite sweet."

She leaned in and kissed me, quickly, before turning and dragging me away; gripping my hand like a vice.

"Come on lover; let's go find Blondie before she vanishes again. Then we can go and do some of those hundred things you're thinking of."

Suddenly everything in my sad, pathetic little life is good again. I trot after her happily, our fingers still entwined.

"So what was that about being pretty close to loving me then babe?"

"Erm..."

* * *

_Earlier - Emily_

Well there are two things I'm absolutely sure of right now. I'm _positive_ that I don't know my Naoms as well as I thought I did; and this is _definitely_ a soundtrack about me, or more accurately about me and her.

I know that because I've listened to the tracks and thought about them. Thought about the lyrics and I can see the pattern. It was _'Something Stupid'_ that gave it away, no, that's not true. It was that track that confirmed it in my head.

Every track I've listened to so far fits in with a part of us, I was right. There are bits I still don't get, bits I may never get, but the important ones, the key points in our relationship are scarily obvious. Even get Ballroom fucking Blitz, it's oh-so clear to me now.

'_And the man at the back said everyone attack and it turned into a ballroom blitz.  
And the girl in the corner said boy, I wanna warn ya, it'll turn into a ballroom blitz  
Ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz, ballroom blitz'_

The fight at the Love Ball, I'd kinda forgotten it; forgotten getting so angry at Katie that I'd slapped her repeatedly about the head. Thinking back I'm surprised I never burst open her stitches I hit her that hard in my rage over what she'd done. What she'd tried to do to us. Not a happy memory that one, time to press the next button.

'_Well, she was just seventeen, you know what I mean, and the way she looked was way beyond compare. So how could I dance with another, and I saw her standing there?'  
_  
Was that how she felt afterwards, was that how she felt when I'd climbed out of Katie's shadow and stood up for myself. Well we had danced with others hadn't we? Some of us multiple times. Hindsight's a bitch - play on Emily, play on. It was the next choice that nailed it for me, _'Something Stupid.'_

Something stupid... me or her?

It doesn't really matter, I guess, who she meant it to represent. Was it me she thought did something stupid by telling the world I loved her, or was it her as we walked away telling me what I already knew.

I guess we both did something stupid that night, wonderfully stupid, blissfully stupid, but stupid none the less. Stupid in the eyes of the world but not in mine and I assume not in hers, not judging by the next track. The one I'm sitting here absorbing; allowing the lyrics to fill my heart.

'_I'd like to run away from you, but if I were to leave you I would die. I'd like to break the chains you put around me and yet I'll never try _

_No matter what you do, you drive me crazy. I'd rather be alone but then I know my life would be so empty as soon as you were gone. _

_Impossible to live with you, but I could never live without you. For whatever you do, for whatever you do I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you _

_You make me sad, you make me strong, you make me mad, you make me long for you. You make me long for you. _

_You make me live, you make me die, you make me laugh, you make me cry for you. You make me cry for you _

_I hate you, then I love you, then I love you, then I hate you, then I love you more.  
For whatever you do I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you _

_You treat me wrong, you treat me right, you let me be, you make me fight with you. I could never live without you _

_You make me high, you bring me down; you set me free, you hold me bound to you _

_I hate you, then I love you, then I love you, then I hate you, then I love you more.  
For whatever you do I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you _

_I never, never, never  
I never, never, never  
I never, never, never  
Want to be in love with anyone but you.  
But you!'_

It's beautiful, really fucking beautiful. If this is what she thought after that night then I'm delirious with happiness, and I know it is. It fits her perfectly, fits her transient nature, her hot and cold moods with me. Fits everything really.

So here I am, sat on our bed playing her fucking playlist with tears streaming down my face. She loves me, I know she loves me so why did she come here and then leave, why didn't she wait for me like Gina promised she would. Why did I get back here only find her gone again.

What the fuck is going on?

BZZZZZZZ

"_Shit, I had a fucking message didn't I"_

_._

_._

_._

_._

**A/N** – So there you go a little change of pace after the drama of the last few chapters. Don't panic people it's all in the plan. I know what you're thinking and I'll get there in the end, just trust me K? K!

Right, OK here we go. Rant begins, if you're not interested it's time to press that back button and go and enjoy someone else's story, I did provide a list of some of the, (IMHO), best just recently in case you needed one.

For my favourite two reviewers and for the wonderful PM's I got from people who don't post and don't reply:

Hit the back button if you haven't been enjoying it, or you now don't like it. That's what I do when I find a story here I don't like...and believe me there's plenty, because, as the oh, so wonderful, clever, awesome, (carry on imagining me gushing in your own time please) Circ's wrote, "taste is subjective"

Here's my advice to you both and to the rest of you, don't moan because you expect things and I don't deliver 'cause I'm doing _**my**_ own thing. Hate mail is for _losers_ and don't post reviews that just make you look silly.

K?

KTHXBYE!

Seriously, some of you should go back and READ everything. I don't know if you missed stuff or what? But you make a lot of assumptions that are patently and factually inaccurate.

I'd be happy to discuss them with you if you wanted, prove everything I did, but you decide not to allow replies to your messages or just ignore the responses I send. Which kind of proves what a waste of _my_ time you are; but for the record...

_[Effy] _

_foolishgames_ got it, _Stunty_ got it, I suspect lots of people here got it, but you guys _**didn't get it**_. Got it?

[/Effy]

Don't tell me it was unrealistic, or over the top because **I **have stood on that parapet and I've looked down at the street and thought the same things. It's 'real' people, because it's not 'real' for you doesn't make it false. I'm kinda happy for you if you don't understand, but as Effy says, try a little empathy, it'll do you good.

Oh and as for the comment about trying to justify what I did in my authors note. I did what I did in chapter 19 because it was _**always**_ going to happen. I wrote the end of that Chapter after finishing Dragons and I wrote the _**end**_ of this story not long after. The authors note was a bit of self-doubt and paranoia, providing an explanation, nothing more.

_**Stunty!**_ – sorry bud, I know you said having a rant would be a waste of time and probably cause more trouble than it's worth but I had to fight a few of my own Dragons...again.

Thanks for being a mate and thanks for getting it, every last little bit. Even the bit on the blackboard. Sometimes I think you know my story better than I do. (-:

For the record ladies and gents _Stunty_ told me ages ago, and I mean _**ages**_ ago _"You're going to lead them up to a nice confrontation at the top of the car park aren't you?"_

That's fucking scary that is, scary in a Katie _fucking_ Fitch type way. I'm fucking scared, (-:

Perhaps _Stunty _is here to remind me that sometimes I'm not as clever as I think I am...still if _I'm_ not that clever, what does that make my "fans" who don't get it_._..?

Perhaps it's being an author that gives her a really good insight into what someone else is trying to do. I know writing here has changed how I read other peoples work, for the better as well I think. Why don't some more of you give it a try, you might be surprised at how well your efforts will be received. I know I was!

See you with Part 2 and Part 3 real soon, promise. I've got my motivation back after my week off.


	21. Before, During and After – Part 2

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently a lot more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**A/N** – Apologies for the reload of CH20 guys, something horrid happened between my memory pen and my HDD so the end was still in draft format hence the Beatles lyrics being a bit, well awry. It was Sunday, I'm not good on Sundays – especially Sundays that follow Saturdays where there has been an unnatural deficiency of Jack Daniels in the Diferente household.

Anyway, thanks for the kind words all, hope you find Part 2 as interesting, more music, maybe more Keffy and what was that text message?

Oh yeah, and go have a 'diferente musical education...If you haven't listened to Joy Division, or the Smiths, or New Order go and do it now...please...that's what Spotify was invented for wasn't it? (-:

**Chapter 21 – Before, During and After – Part 2**

_Earlier – Emily_

**BZZZZZZZ**

"Fucking phone, I get it ok? I get that I have a message, shut the fuck up."

I'm digging into my pocket to grab the offending piece of plastic whilst I'm trying to listen to the music that's playing on the laptop in front of me. Naomi's little message to me.

Reluctantly I slide the phone open and read the message, naturally it's from Katie.

_seen N was hme E sez we luk u go hme wait K_

I know people don't punctuate text messages these days but Katie takes it to extremes sometimes, would it kill her to type a simple legible fucking message?

_am at home kay – will wait here in case she comes back. let me know if you find her ok?_

I hit the send button and wait for a reply, not long after the phone is ringing, the caller ID tells me it's my sister. I hope it's good news, it's been a while since her text arrived so I cross my fingers and pray as I answer.

"Katie, have you found her?" There's a slight pause of confusion, then;

"No Emsy, sorry. Eff and I saw her at the house but she did a runner before we could catch her. I swear that fucking blonde bitch is like fucking smoke when she wants to be. Elusive as fu…"

"KAY!" I hear Effy's voice in the background shouting at her, "Let me speak to her..."

There's a muffled conversation that I only catch Effy's part of, Katie's whispered remarks not making it past her hand, or whatever she's covering the microphone with.

"Give me the phone Kay...No!... Katie, give me the fucking phone!"

I have no problems hearing Effy shout at Katie though, it would be funny if I actually felt like laughing, which I don't.

"Hello? Emily?"

"Hi Eff," I can't hide the sound of resignation and tiredness in my voice. This is starting to get to me and this fucking playlist isn't helping. It seems to have hit an up and down period. Some tracks are happy; some tracks are downright miserable, story of our fucking life all right.

"How you holding up Emily?"

"Not good Eff, if I'm honest. I think I have royally fucked everything up, the place is a mess. Do you think she did this?"

"Emily we can fix this ok, Katie and I will keep looking, you stay there in case she comes back again. Let Gina know she's around as well and we've got our bases covered."

I nod, she'd ignored my question but that's ok. "Emily?"

"Yeah, I heard Eff, it's fine. I just feel a bit, you know...helpless? Just sitting here isn't helping find her."

I hear her sigh at the other end of the phone.

"Emily, listen to me. If she comes home again the best thing she can find is you waiting for her. Sitting there is the best thing you can do, trust me. Keep yourself together and just wait for her."

"Ok Eff, I'll try, say thanks to Katie for me."

"I will. Emily just remember out of the darkest times something good happens; it's the balance of life. We'll find that something good for you two, I know it. Right, we're going to town to see if she's hit the pubs again. Speak to you later."

I hang up without replying. I thumb through the contacts list on my phone, hovering over her name, knowing it's useless to call her, still wanting to never the less. Putting the phone on the bed, I focus back on the laptop.

'_I know I've felt like this before, but now I'm feeling it even more_

_Because it came from you_

_And then I open up and see the person falling here is me, a different way to be_

_I want more, impossible to ignore. And they'll come true, impossible not to do_

_And now I tell you openly, you have my heart so don't hurt me._

_You're what I couldn't find. A totally amazing mind, so understanding and so kind_

_You're everything to me.'_

Fucking hell, even the music manages to upset me again and again. I grab the phone again, fuck it if she can't get the message now, she'll get it one day, she'll listen to it soon, then she'll know.

"_Hi this is Naomi, I'm busy saving the world…."_

"Naomi, I hope you get this, hope you understand that I'm sat here listening to your playlist and I want you to know I _don't_ want to hurt you, I've _never_ wanted to hurt you. Jesus Nai, this is all so fucked up, I thought we were doing ok. I need to speak to you babe, need to make it all right. I'm sorry I yelled, sorry I hit you, sorry about everything ok?

I need to tell you all this to your face babe, but I can't. I don't know where you are and what you're doing but I miss you too, I love you and as this is the only way I get to hear your voice and talk to you I'm taking it, but it's not the same, not the fucking same."

I can't go on; I just hang up and drop the phone.

'_Maybe I've forgotten, the name and the address, of everyone I've ever known it's nothing I regret.'_

New Order again, I never realised she was such a fan. I'm fixed with a morbid fascination of this whole thing, it's such an upbeat song, but with such a sad set of lyrics

'_I would like a place I could call my own, have a conversation on the telephone._

_Wake up every day that would be a start, I would not complain about my wounded heart._

_I was upset you see, almost all the time. You used to be a stranger now you are mine._

_I wouldn't even trust you, I've not got much to give. We're dealing with the limits, and we don't know who with._

_You may think that I'm out of hand. That I'm naïve, I'll understand. On this occasion it's not true, look at me. I'm not you.'_

...

'_Just wait until tomorrow, that's what they all say. Just before they fall apart.'_

* * *

_Earlier – Effy_

"Jesus Kay, are you still pissed that I took your phone off you?"

"No."

"You are aren't you?"

I'm sure she is even though she's still denying it vociferously. I can tell, even with her. She's a strange one Katie Fitch, a real Jekyll and Hyde. One minute she's all bristles and spikes, the next a total pussy cat.

There have been times this afternoon when I really don't know what I've got myself into. She's affectionate, then she's angry, soft and hard all wrapped up in one red-headed bundle. I have no idea why I like her so much, why I think I might just be able to love her, love her like I loved Freddie. God it's so fucked up.

Sometimes it all seems very quick, what we've discovered. But really it hasn't been. I can vividly remember her waking up after sleeping on a chair in the hospital before walking over to stand next to me by the window. She said she was there because of Freddie, come to tell me he'd left. But she'd stayed with me through the night and I felt safe whilst I slept.

I felt safe for the first time since Freddie had stopped coming.

I guess you can fall for the people that are there for you in your darkest moments; those that love you unconditionally in any way they can, and don't judge you. I think that's right anyway.

"Effy, _Effy!"_ My eyes are drawn to the hand waving in front of my eyes.

"What?"

"Fucks sake Eff, you totally zoned out on me there, you looked like a fucking mong."

Nice, thanks for that. Great image to be given to you by your girlfriend, if that's what she is.

"Sorry Katiekins, just thinking that's all. Tired I guess."

"Well we have been wandering around this fucking town all fucking day."

She's right, and she's right to be angry. I have been dragging her around since the morning. We've been everywhere we can think of to find Naomi, with no success so far. Finally admitting defeat, we've stopped for something to eat in one of the local fast food joints. I'm not proud, but I am hungry.

"Yeah I know Katie, but this is as much for Emily as it is Naomi."

"That's the only reason I'm here Eff. Naomi and I have been getting along, sure. But if she doesn't want to be found, you know? Sometimes I want to just slap her for what she does to Emsy."

"Jesus Katie, is that your answer to everything when it comes to Naomi?"

"Most of the time yes, less so that before, but when she hurts Emily, definitely."

I can't help but sigh; sometimes she really frustrates me, when she can't see what's in front of her nose. This time though I'm keeping quiet, she'll have to discover this for herself, time for my Katie to grow up a bit more. Time she learnt that life isn't simple; isn't like they make out in those magazines she reads.

But as frustrated as she makes me I still can't help but smile as she steals one of the fries that I've dumped into the lid of my burger-box.

"Thought you didn't want any chips?"

"Didn't, but now I want one of yours. They always taste better when they're someone else's."

She dunked the chip into my little paper pot of ketchup, and then pushed it into her mouth with obvious relish, and more than a bit of teasing at the blatant theft. I'm fighting to stop my smile appearing, the corners of my lips twitching at the casual sincerity of her statement.

"Don't think because you could steal Emily's food that you can steal mine Katie. Naomi's told me all about the famous Fitch appetite."

"Ugh, fuck off, that's Emily. I swear she eats from a trough sometimes. I, on the other hand, like to watch my figure. I'm very careful about what I eat."

"Didn't look like you were watching anything when you ate that burger Kay; well apart from watching out that you didn't eat your fingers by mistake."

"I was hungry!" she protested wildly, damn she's cute when she's riled. "I haven't eaten a thing all fucking day."

Cue the famous Stonem raised eyebrow, 'haven't eaten a fucking thing' my arse.

"Apart from two bags of crisps, three chocolate bars and two bottles of coke; but who's counting."

"Diet coke, Eff, it was diet coke. Besides I had to eat something this morning, drank far too much wine last night to go running around on an empty stomach. Some of us can't survive on water, drugs and cigarettes you know?"

"Haven't taken any drugs Kay, well apart from the ones I'm supposed to take. I haven't taken drugs for days."

She fixed me with her brown eyes. I can see why Naomi has always had a habit of making and holding eye contact with Emily. You can drown in Fitch eyes, you really can, they're so deep. Before I know it she's taken hold of my hand. I can feel the slight graininess of the salt from my chips rub across my skin as her fingers gripped mine.

"That's good Eff, you don't need drugs. Don't need any of that shit ok?"

I nod, not wanting an argument. It's a nice sentiment but it's not true. I need my prescription drugs at least, and every now and again I need something else, something to help me let go.

"Good," she says firmly at my nod. "Now, are you going to eat these fucking chips or what?"

I push them across to her, "You have them babe, I'm going to go wash up then I think we should check in with Emily and carry on searching for Nai."

* * *

_Earlier – Emily_

I've carried this fucking laptop around the house for the last hour or so listening to the tracks that she's placed so very carefully in her own order. The thing is I'm really trying to get it; I'm trying to get into her head. I'm not in a happy place right now; I've just listened to _'Brown Eyes'_ followed immediately by '_Slave to Love'_. I can't help but think back to that fucking speech, I know where this is in her life and I'm not sure I want to listen any more.

'_When I was a child, running in the night. Afraid of what might be. Hiding in the dark, hiding in the street, and of what was following me._

_Now hounds of love are hunting, I've always been a coward, and I don't know what's_ _good for me.'_

Jesus, is that how you felt, was I that clingy? Was I so intense that you thought I was hunting you? Fuck me, just how much did _I_ do to fuck us up without even knowing it?

Next up is for my listening displeasure is 'Temple of Love', a favourite of mine, though it seems strange that she would choose it.

'_And the devil in a black dress watches over. My guardian angel walks away.  
Life is short and love is always over in the morning, black wind come carry me far away_

_With the sunlight died and night above me, with a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain inside. You run for cover in the temple of love. You run for another it's all the same. For the wind will blow and throw your walls aside'_

Run for another? Well you did that didn't you Nai, still don't really know why? One day, perhaps we'll both be brave enough to talk about it.

'_In the temple of love, cry like rain.  
In the temple of love, hear the calling  
and the temple of love.  
is falling down.'_

I skip past 'All Apologies' I know that far too well, skip past far too many tracks of misery and despair. As I click I happen across the odd happy song, reminding me that it wasn't all bad for her. We had some great times together before I found out about Sophia. I'm not sure what the Nirvana track represents, Naomi's guilt at her death, or her guilt over cheating on me. Perhaps it's supposed to be both.

'_When the routine bites hard, and ambitions are low_

_And the resentment rides high, but emotions won't grow'_

Miserable track, I quickly click next, once again not paying attention to the sorrow I'm hearing. The picture is too strong, too vivid for me to cope with.

The next track is a shock, I had no idea she was into this kind of music, 'Na Laethe Bhi' I've no idea what they're saying so quickly I 'Google' the track name.

'_Do chomhrá s' do chairdeas, Ba mhian liom I gconaí, 's oró grá mo chroí  
Scéalta is amhrãin, Go haosta le sléibhte, Cruaidh 's cróga le haois_

_Slán le na laethe a bhí seal go haerach_  
_Slán le na laethe a bhí. Slán leis an oíche_  
_A casadh orainn do'n chéad uair, Slán le na laethe bhí_

_Ag amhare ar an fharraige, 's an ghrian ar a'tsáile_  
_'s oró grá mo choí. Scéalta fa Bhalar_  
_sna trí Mhici Gorra. Oileáin seanda mar fhís_

_Slán le na laethe a bhí seal go haerach_  
_Slán le na laethe a bhí. Slán leis an oíche_  
_A casadh orainn do'n chéad uair, Slán le na laethe bhí_

_Bí liom a stórín_  
_Samhradh go geimhreadh_  
_Rún mó mhíle stór_

_Slán le na laethe a bhí seal go haerach_  
_Slán le na laethe a bhí. Slán leis an oíche_  
_A casadh orainn do'n chéad uair. Slán le na laethe bhí'_

Fuck, why isn't there a translation when you want one. Adding that to my search I finally find what I'm looking for.

"Oh."

* * *

_Earlier – Katie_

"Remind me again why we're doing this and not sat in there drinking?"

We've just visited about the millionth pub today once again with no fucking sign of Naomi. Effy's starting to look a little distraught by things and despite the fact that I've now eaten I'm still not happy. It's starting to get late, the shops are closing and the bars are opening. There are more people around, so there's less chance of seeing her in amongst the crowds.

"Because we have to Kay."

"Why?"

Ok so it's a bit petulant and juvenile but I'm tired. The only highlight of this whole miserable afternoon is that I've got to spend it with Effy. I've been tracking back through my life and I can't think of a relationship where I've spent any time with someone after we've had sex, not awake anyway.

'_No, not had sex, that's not right. Made love, yeah, that sounds better.'_

I think she's only the second person in my life that phrase sounds right with. Having sex, fucking, all the usual descriptions don't feel right for what happened this morning. I wanted to make love to her and I had. We had made love and now were still together afterwards.

Admittedly she's dragged me along to find _fucking_ Naomi but that's not the point is it?

She wanted _me_ with her, didn't just expect me to fuck off, nor did she leave before I could talk to her. That's more than I can say for most of the blokes I've fucked; even Freddie didn't seem to be all that keen on my company if I'm honest. But then I was a total bitch back then, and he was in love with Effy. I guess that explains it.

"You know why Katie." I'm dragged out of my thoughts by her voice.

"Actually I don't Eff; this seems to be a big deal for you. I don't get it ok? You can call me stupid if you want but why _is_ she so important to you. She's _my_ sisters girlfriend and you seem more bothered about finding her than I am."

"That's because I owe her Kay, I owe her ok?"

"For what Eff?"

"Because she came looking for me Katie, because she walked away from her job and wandered around Bristol in the middle of the night trying to find me.

Because she dragged me from that bench and made me come home to you all.

Because she made me realise that there was more to life than hiding and listening to Freddie's voice.

Oh and there's the little matter of her thinking I'm fucking her girlfriend and that's why she's run. That's why they argued, that's why she left and went to London. She saw us this morning Kay, saw us through the window and she ran again, that's why we need to find her. Because I owe her and this is _all my fault_."

Jesus, she's blaming herself for Naomi being a stupid cow. I link my arm with hers, pulling her shoulder into mine as we walk through the streets.

"You can't blame yourself for all of this Effy; it's not your fault you know."

"It is Kay, in part it is. I'm the fixer; I'm the one that fixes things. _I'm_ the one that watched over them whilst they tried to get together; pushing and nudging them both and now _I'm_ the one that's driven them apart. I've _got_ to find her Kay, got to fix this all over again."

There's not a lot to say to that really, I don't think she's right on any of those facts, but she seems sure and that's enough for me to help.

"Ok then, we'll fix this together for both their sakes." I look down at my watch, "It's getting on for six, I think we should hit the bars near 'The Caves' that's where Helen saw her, perhaps she'll go back again. We'll find her there."

I'm dragged into a hug and a whispered 'thank you' before she steps back holding my shoulders and looking me straight in the eyes.

"When we find her Kay, no shouting and no hitting ok?"

I nod, actually a little hurt that she'd think I would.

"I know you Katie, know how protective you are of Emily so don't give me that look. You've as much as told me that you want to slap her, but that's not going to help; not this time anyway."

I sigh, "Ok Effy, I get the message. I'll play nicely if she will."

I'm rewarded with a smile and a kiss, "C'mon then babe, we'll find her this time. I can feel it."

If it were anyone else I'd laugh in their face, but this is Effy Stonem talking, and I don't doubt her for a second.

_

* * *

__Earlier - Emily_

'_Every breath you take and every move you make. Every bond you break. Every step you take, I'll be watching you. _

_Every single day and every word you say. Every game you play. Every night you stay, I'll be watching you _

_Oh can't you see you belong to me? How my poor heart aches with every step you take. Every move you make and every vow you break. Every smile you fake. Every claim you stake, I'll be watching you _

_Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace, I dream at night, I can only see your face. I look around but it's you I can't replace, I feel so cold and I long for your embrace _

_I keep crying baby, baby please'  
_  
I've been skipping through the misery, ran past every song she's put in this list whilst we danced around each other.

'_Oh brother I can't, I can't get through, I've been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don't know what to do._

_Oh brother I can't believe it's true, I'm so scared about the future and I want to talk to you. Oh I want to talk to you'_

Song after song to tell me how unhappy she was. Then all of a sudden I come across a title that tells me more than all the rest put together, pulls me up short with a jerk mainly because it's so different from what has gone before.

'_You hypocrite, don't talk to me, 'Cause you're not fit to know me.  
So don't pretend, that you could've ever been a friend'_

Hypocrite? What the fuck? I check the date it was added to iTunes, eight days before the party, eight fucking days.

'_The silly girls we run around and never know our reasons, and though I understand I guess I'll say that you betrayed me._

_I'm a hypocrite, I dish it out but I can't take it. I know you think it's wrong and maybe you're right __**but this is my song'**_

I fucking get it, and I'm shocked. She knew, she fucking knew all along, or at least she suspected all along about me and Mandy. Certainly for longer than I thought she had, JJ must have alerted her to us, that or Lara told her when they came around. If I needed any more reminders of where we were in this story the song that blasted out of the tinny little speakers solved that fucking problem, an Evanescence track I'm quite familiar with. If the truth be told this would be on my playlist about her as well.

'_Fuck off, I don't need you. My hearts bursting, and you're making it worse._

_50 thousand tears I've cried, my screams go mute in the darkness, no one hears me, no one can help me._

_Fuck off, I don't need you. My hearts bursting, and you're making it worse._

_You don't understand, your obnoxious behaviour is ripping me to pieces. Fuck off, and leave me to myself.'_

I don't need a degree in Music fucking Appreciation to understand that sentiment. Been there, felt that, worn the T-Shirt. This time it's about me, about how she felt after that morning with Mandy I just know it. I'm crying as I listen to it, remembering how cold she was when she told me, no _suggested_ to me that I leave and like a twat I went. Another one of my great regrets, I told her I loved her and she told me to leave and I did, I left without any kind of a fight.

I'd wanted her to fight for me, for us; and she'd tried. But I couldn't take it and I drove her back to the endless spliffs, the bottles of booze, the aimless self-destruction.

If I was honest I loved it. At first I enjoyed every second of her falling apart. She ruined us and now I could sit back and watch as she ruined herself. Eventually though I hated myself more than I hated her, then the tears didn't stop, just like they can't stop now.

'_Though I've tried before to tell her. Of the feelings I have for her in my heart  
Every time that I come near her, I just lose my nerve. As I've done from the start_

_Every little thing she does is magic, Everything she does just turns me on_  
_Even though my life before was tragic, Now I know my love for her goes on_

_Do I have to tell the story, Of a thousand rainy days since we first met_  
_It's a big enough umbrella, But it's always me that ends up getting wet '_

"Fucking hell Naoms, why couldn't you have just _told_ me all this, why couldn't you have just fucking _talked_ to me?"

I scream it into the empty house as if hoping it would summon her to me. As if, like in a movie, she'd appear from the other side of the door where she'd been patiently listening, awaiting her cue.

But this isn't a fucking movie and she isn't fucking there. Just me and Sting and all the lyrics I need to tell me how much she cared.

I'm guessing this is the song that represents when she realised that kicking me out was a mistake, when she realised that she did want me in her life. When she made her decision and came to the party to win me over, to win me back.

'_I know you have a little life in you yet, I know you have a lot of strength left  
I know you have a little life in you yet, I know you have a lot of strength left  
_

_I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. I should be hoping, but I couldn't stop thinking. All the things I should've said, that I never said. All the things we should of done, that we never did, all the things I should've given, but I didn't. _

_Oh darling make it go, make it go away. Give me these moments back, give them back to me. Give me that little kiss, give me your hand.'_

And here's Kate to tell me all about her feelings when she made that speech in the shed; the one we'd never really talked about. We'd never had chance to talk about it like she'd promised, not with Katie and Effy and Freddie getting in the way.

Kate and Sting, my newest best friends telling me their stories; telling me _her_ story. The story of redemption, the story of that moment; that one incandescent moment when all the pain went away.

* * *

The mood's noticeably brighter now; there are more happy tracks. Still a few melancholy ones along the way but I've skipped through those focussing on the happiness that I can only associate with us getting back together again. Another instance of _'Night Swimming'_ another instance of _'Fever'._

I can't help but smile, obviously her personal songs about our times at our lake, God I hope that I get to watch her add these tracks to this list again.

I remember everything that we talked about and everything we did at the lake that last time we were there. I remember the ride home and how she told me she loved me as we tore through the country lanes. I remember how she'd told me all that she felt during that meal with Gina and Kieran, how she'd teased me when she was feeding me sweets.

I remember it all too well, remember her little speech, remember just how happy and proud I was to have her finally act like the woman I wanted to be with. No longer ashamed, no longer scared. Proud to be with me, to love me; surely as proud of being with me as I was of being with her.

We were really happy that night, if I could bottle what we had over that spiced food and those sweet, sweet pastries I'd make a fortune. It doesn't last long though does it, nothing good ever does.

'_You're hiding from feelings, searching for more. Sharing and hoping, untouched for so long. Our lives still change from the way that we were, and now I'll tell you something I think you should know._

_You just can't believe me  
When I show you what you mean to me  
_

_You just can't believe me  
When I show you what you cannot see'_

'Confusion' agreed, definitely confused now, why is this in here? Why is she telling me she was confused? I don't get it; time to move on again, look for more clues.

'_And I just can't look its killing me, and taking control._

_Jealousy._

_Turning saints into the sea, swimming through sick lullabies, choking on your alibis. But it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me, open up my eager eyes 'Cause I'm Mr Brightside'_

There it is, the green eyed monster. Jealousy, the cause of all our current problems, the cause of her fucking off and leaving me sat here like a twat listening to her fucking playlist, on my own.

I guess I'm still a little bit bitter and jealous that she fucked someone else and she's the same, she let me know everything that was bottled up inside her after I threw Sophia back at her during that stupid argument. We're a fucking tragedy, love's young dream trashed because neither of us can control our emotions. Love is just too fucking raw, too intense, too new for both of us and all we seem to be able to do is hurt each other along the way.

I'm only just beginning to realise how deep her insecurities must lie, she left because she said I laughed at her for being jealous, because she'd seen a trivial moment between me and Effy. Jealousy was the thing that had come between us and I still don't understand why.

Well I do, but it don't know how it got this far. I should have listened to Effy back in that coffee shop, should have paid more attention, shouldn't have lied about the shopping trip.

Shouldn't have fucked it all up.

Looking at the date added list, these are the latest tracks to be added. The last songs that she's downloaded to this laptop and she's added them today, only hours before I got here.

I'm in no doubt now who it was that trashed the house, either before or after she added these songs. I can almost see her wandering around our home listening to track after track, smashing things as she went.

The music's changed again, we're nearing the last songs she added now and I can't face clicking through them so I just lie back and listen, try to put myself into her shoes one last time.

'_Found myself in a strange town, though I've only been here for three weeks now.  
I've got blisters on my feet, trying find a friend in Oxford Street.'_

I know this song, everyone knows this song. I know where it's about anyway; London. Fucking _London_ why did she go there? We'd talked about visiting several times and she'd always been really enthusiastic about the place. I guess that's why she's going to Goldsmiths. I have no idea why she loves the place though, I'd never asked.

'_But when you ask in a strange town, They say don't know, don't care, and I've got to go, mate'  
_  
This isn't a happy song about London though, it's a song about being alone. Being surrounded by people and having no friends. Just like Naomi really. She hasn't got many friends; she hasn't seen the few she had recently. Not since it all went wrong between us. The crowd she'd sit with at college, the ones that she'd joined at that party...well I've not seen or heard anything of them since. It's as if she cut herself off from the whole world, cut herself off from everyone apart from me and the gang, and look what we'd done to her.

'_So this is how it feels to be lonely, this is how it feels to be small._

_This is how it feels when your word means nothing at all.'_

Fuck me that's heartbreaking. I've never been lonely, not like that anyway. There's always been someone I could call, someone that I could count on. Even if it was only Katie, or JJ or even Nai herself. Someone was _always_ there for me. She's never had that has she?

The only person I know she'd ever called when she was upset, was me; and for months I'd removed myself from her. She gave everything of herself up to win me back and what had I done since? Ignored her pain, laughed at her feelings, argued and drove her away, drove her to that strange fucking town where all she could be was lonely and miserable and lost.

There's another side to that song though, beyond the literal. One I don't really want to consider, but I'm going to have to if I'm going to understand her. It's a side she's told me all about; one that's about depression and pain and the overwhelming futility of existence.

It was a song that I'd asked her not to play again after she told me, one I'd hoped never to hear again. I'm relieved when the playlist moves on.

'_Stop, pay the price, they said to me. Take this advice, you're out of your head  
I said, Stop, hold the phone. This has to be cut to the bone  
Too bad, I see red, I see red, I see red'_

I can't help but run my hands through my most prominent feature, the one thing that always helped me to stand out, even in Katie's shadow. The one thing that Naomi had told me she had always loved because she could see me in a crowd, in an instant and be happy that I was near.

I know this song is about me because she told me, months and months ago, when it came on the radio. She told me that she thought of me every time she heard it. I just know that, in the midst of her pain, in the midst of her wandering around London feeling lost and alone that she'd been reminded of me. That's why she'd rung me. She'd thought of me, called and she told me she was missing me; that has to count for something doesn't it?

'_Rows of houses, all bearing down on me, I can feel their blue hands touching me.  
All these things into position, All these things we'll one day swallow whole._

_And fade out again and fade out'_

But I'm not sure if it does, or did. She hadn't come home after all. Sure, she'd returned to Bristol, but then rather than come home to tell me she missed me face to face. She'd run off and hit the bars and clubs, getting fucked up on her own again. Then she'd gone to her mums and avoided me, left me alone again. Didn't even call, didn't even want Gina to call and let me know she was ok.

This time I can hardly blame her, I resent it, but I can't blame her for not wanting to see me, for not being ready to deal with what I'd done, what I'd said, in that fit of spite.

The music moves on relentlessly from Radiohead to another song and I glance at the title track because the chorus catches my attention as it plays.

I freeze as I read what it says on the title screen; I've seen that phrase before, heard that lyric before. I strain to listen to the words, to see what it all means but I can't make them out. One swift 'Google' later and they're laid out before me in black and white as the song replays again.

'_When the routine bites hard, and ambitions are low_

_And the resentment rides high, but emotions won't grow_

_And we're changing our ways, taking different roads_

_Then love, love will tear us apart again_

_Why is the bedroom so cold, Turned away on your side?_

_Is my timing that flawed, our respect run so dry?_

_Yet there's still this appeal. That we've kept through our lives_

_Love, love will tear us apart again_

_Do you cry out in your sleep. All my failings exposed_

_Get a taste in my mouth, as desperation takes hold_

_Is it something so good, just can't function no more?_

_When love, love will tear us apart again'_

I look up the list, she'd added this earlier, in the music that made me think of the days after I'd found out about Sophia. I'd not recognised the lyrics then, not heard that chorus, not made the connection. I'd moved on too fast to the next record, not wanting to listen to any more misery.

Love will tear us apart.

This was what she had written onto our blackboard. The blackboard that now lies cracked on the floor of the kitchen with my last message to her erased as if it had never existed. She'd wiped out my simple "I love you" before ripping the board from the wall and, judging by the damage, stamped on it as well.

Her last message to me on our board was 'love will tear us apart' her second to last message on this playlist is the same. Ignoring the music I look up the meaning behind the song and go cold, I go colder still when I hear the haunting melody that is the last track on her playlist. The last track she added before she vanished again.

'_This is the end, beautiful friend._

_This is the end, my only friend, the end_

_Of our elaborate plans, the end. _

_Of everything that stands the end.  
No safety or surprise, the end._

_I'll never look into your eyes...again'  
_  
Oh Jesus H _fucking_ Christ it can't be that bad, fucks sake Naomi things are never that bad. Why are you doing this to me, why are you doing this to yourself?

'Why can't you just come home and talk to me? Why leave me this massive musical cry for fucking help?'

'If you'd have just asked me to I'd have come running. I always come running when you call. I always will, don't you fucking know that by now? '

'I'd have followed you to fucking London if you'd told me where you were, not hung up on me so quickly. I'd follow you anywhere, _fucking_ _anywhere_ why don't you get that?'

'_This is the end, beautiful friend  
This is the end, my only friend, the end._

_It hurts to set you free, but you'll never follow me.  
The end of laughter and soft lies, The end of nights we tried to die  
_

_This is the end.'  
_  
I slam down the lid of the laptop, shutting it off, shutting off the music that's been fucking with my head. It's then that I see it, through the tears that just won't stop. A simple piece of folded white paper carefully stuck to the lid of the computer. I'd not noticed it before; the screen has been up all the time I've been listening to this musical story.

It's not addressed to me, it's addressed to Gina, well it has 'Mum' written across it in Naomi's tiny scrawl.

All this time and she's left a fucking letter, I rip it from the case grabbing my phone and scroll through the menu for her number. Waiting for it to be answered, praying she's there.

"Hello Emily dear....has she shown up then?"

.  
.

.

.

**A/N –** I know, I know it's self-indulgent crap and I'm sorry. I've got the whole music thing out of my system now so you're all right. Back to normal service for Part 3, back to real time as well by the end of it I promise. This multiple person, multiple timeline thing is killing me. Dunno how some of you guys write it.

Plus it's really hot in the UK at the moment and that's not making writing any easier.

They're my excuses anyway, hope you have nice weather wherever you are and you're enjoying it.


	22. Before, During and After – Part 3

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note (sorry a bit of a long one, nothing bad don't worry)** – OK so FFN actually _does_ hate me, whenever I add section lines using their online editor something always goes wrong. This time it was in the Clannad section, [I hope you all looked up that translation (-: ]. It's fixed now, as is the italicising of lyrics that got lost as well, (grumble).

**Authors Admission**

Right, big thanks for those of you that wrote and said that you liked, or appreciated the tracks that Naomi left in her little life story, I'm glad you enjoyed them. Here's the admission, not all of them are mine; some of them, (I think some of the really good ones too) are from Stunty, aka the unknownstuntman of 'Anything to Declare' fame.

What happened was basically something like this, (Disclaimer - artistic licence added, the conversations were much longer and far more grown-up):

"**Fuck I'm struggling with this chapter, know any songs that would be appropriate for..."**

"**Hell yes, here's a few to think about..."**

_Your inbox is now over its size limit, please delete some messages and try again._

"**Shit, like (X) and I like (Y); this is what I've done so far"**

"**Ah that must be for...and that must be about...Have you thought about..."**

_Your inbox is now over its size limit, please delete some messages and try again._

"**wow, way cool. No I'd only thought about...(this) and...(this) is for the end scenes..."**

_Cue heated discussion about how certain tracks are appropriate and how some songs though fracking AWESOME don't fit._

"**Actually though I could use that...(here) and that (here)...that might just work"**

I guess you kinda get the picture, in an ATD stylee' Yup it was a freaky set of conversations but you know? The girls a musical genius, I thought I had a broad spectrum of musical taste but it's nothing on Stunty's.

Anyway enough blowing smoke, I know you'll all hate that, just wanted to put some of the credit, (I'm taking a bit...I do have an ego even if it's only a small one), back to the person that came up with much of the genius. I only wish I could have put more of the mailbox filling examples into the last two chapters, but my fingers and brain couldn't take it.

Nice one Stunty, take a bow (-:

Anyway, here's part 3, the concluding part of this little section…I shall sit back and await the flames, or the vases from AL though with 'When in Cyprus' the way it is, perhaps I should start throwing them back d-:

* * *

**Chapter 22 – Before, During and After – Part 3**

_Earlier – Emily_

"_Hello Emily dear...has she shown up then?"_

I grip the phone a little harder at the sound of her voice.

"She's…she's not there then?" I stammer.

"No dear, I haven't heard from her since she left this morning. I thought you'd met up with her and sorted things out. I've been sat here waiting for her to call and let me know."

"She's been here; she's smashed the house up and left you a letter. Gina I'm really worried."

"What does the letter say dear, what's made you so worried?"

How can I explain this? _'Well Gina, your daughter left a load of music playing that I think tells me a story, and the last few tracks are so fucked up I'm scared.'_ Yeah, she'd totally go for that wouldn't she? '_Fucks sake Emily get a grip.'_

"It's complicated Gina; she's sort of left me a message as well."

"So what's in the letter then love?"

"Gina, I've not read it, it's addressed to you." I'm shocked that she would think that I'd have read a letter addressed to someone else.

"Oh bugger that, don't be so bloody stupid dear, open the letter it might be important."

I look down at the folded sheet in my hand; if I'm honest I really don't want to open it. I'm scared of what I might find inside. Slowly, as if the contents might burn me I open the paper, it's filled with Naomi's tiny writing, I take a second to glance over the lines before I begin reading it out load, begin the recitation of Nai's letter, that was supposed to be read by her mother alone.

"_Mum,_

_Do you remember the conversation when you can home? The one at the restaurant? I said that last year I was a twat, well I was, but in truth I've been a twat to Emily for far longer than just last year. I'll never be sure if you knew how much of a twat I was but you deserve to understand everything that's gone on. For six years there has been one person that has held my heart in her hands, for most of that time she never knew. I was terrified of everything about that so I hid it all away. When she started chasing me I ran._

_I'm good at running; I guess that's one thing I know I got from my dad._

_So instead of just going for it and being happy I pushed her away over and over and made myself fucking miserable along the way. You told me that night that Emily had helped me, well she has, she helped me be a better person. She showed me how to be happy, really fucking happy, for probably the first time in my life._

_I also said that this year I was a twat as well, well I was, but then you've heard that story from Katie. My side is probably no different from hers; in fact I don't believe for one second that she could think any worse of me than I still think of myself. I don't think anyone could hate me more than I hate myself. The last few months whilst you were out of contact have been totally fucking miserable. Emily was punishing me for what I did and in truth I was punishing myself even harder. I told her I'd do anything to win her back and in the end all I could do was run again. At least this time I stayed and I tried, but nothing ever got better, the anger never went away so finally I did the only thing I could do to deal with it, I took drugs and drank myself stupid to make it all go away, to make the pain stop, to numb the blows that came my way every time we spoke. I did that practically every fucking day, I had nothing else, I had no-one else._

_I've been scared of love, scared of booze, scared of commitment, scared of fucking everything. I told Emily that I was a total fucking coward and that was the second most honest thing I've ever told her. I am a total coward, perhaps I get that from dad as well. Every time things get tough, or get too intense I take the cowards option, every fucking time and I hate myself for that as well._

_I told you that, as of the other week, I wasn't being a twat any more. Well I tried and I failed. I thought I could cope, thought I could handle anything. I fought for her as hard as I could, fought myself every step of the way. Fought my fears, and my doubts and I won, for a moment I won and I went to win her back, to do what I'd promised. I told her how much I loved her, told her everything I could, told her that I'd die for her and that __was__ the most honest thing I've ever told her. I would die for my Emily, I always would have, probably ever since that first day I saw her in school, with that brown hair with the bright pink bow and those sad, shy eyes. _

_When we got back together all I thought I had to handle was my doubts, that underlying doubt that one day she'd come to her senses and leave me. Leave me with the hurt I knew was inevitable. I think I always knew she'd reject me, I guess the one thing I couldn't handle was the method of her rejection. I think I could have survived her telling me it was over. I would have deserved that, but I don't think I deserved what she did, no matter how much of a twat I am. I never flaunted Sophia in her face; she was a stupid one off fucking mistake that I regretted from the moment it happened. I never wanted her to be hurt. I know I should have told her straight away but as we know mum I'm a fucking coward, it was easier to pretend it hadn't happened._

_The sad outcome of all this is that I'm __still __a twat, I'll __always__ be a twat. I guess I'm not going to be able to change that. The trouble is that she got too close, I let you all in too close and now I don't know how to handle it or what I'm supposed to do. Everything I've ever been afraid of has happened to me over the last few days and all I can feel at the moment is pain and that's something I've always been terrified of. _

_All my life I've pushed people away because I was terrified of letting them in, then being abandoned, like dad abandoned us, like you used to abandon me. I don't blame you for that - I know you were just following your own path, following the things you thought were important at the time. I'm ok with that now, I really am. But I've never allowed myself to be that involved with someone before, never wanted to let someone get into a position where they could hurt me; let alone ruin my life._

_People have hurt me before, but this time it's all too much, I can't explain how much it hurts, don't really want to. Honestly, all I want to do is try to survive this, make it through the pain. I'm going to try to rebuild all my defences, try to put up all those walls you used to accuse me of hiding behind and see where life takes me if I manage it._

_Anyway I've rambled enough; it's time for me to leave. I'm going to put this note where it will be found so I hope you'll get to read it. It would be a shame if you don't. One last thing from that meal, one last memory I want to share with you. _

_I told you that I love you and I missed you more than you know. Well I do and I did. I want you to know that, it's important that you understand that I get it now. I get the whole family thing, finally got it that night at that restaurant. For the first time in my life I understood._

_I'm so sorry I've been a total shit to you most of my life, I could explain why but it would take far longer than I think I've got. I'm trying to avoid everyone and I've done what I came here to do, like I say it's time for me to leave before anyone comes back._

_I love you mum, I think I always have; no matter how I behaved. I'm sorry I've not got the courage to do this face to face. I hope you and Kieran are happy together, God knows you deserve some happiness after having to put up with me. One last favour if you would, if you see Emily tell her that I hope she's happy, hope they're happy together; again God knows she deserves it after me. _

_Please tell her that I'll always love her and I'm doing this for her as much as for me, so she can be happy._

_I don't know what I'm going to do now; I'm think I'm going to go back to where it all ended, that seems fitting I guess. I need to give myself time to think. What happens after that just happens. For whatever comes out of my thinking I'm sorry mum. More sorry than I can tell you. One thing I'm sure of is that my future is not going to be here, I don't want it to be here. Bristol has far too many bad memories for me now._

_Love you both, always._

_Naomi_

_x-x-x"_

I'm sure we're both crying by the end of it, I know I am…again. It's took me several attempts to finish the letter. I was upset before I started but reading that note is cutting my heart in two and pouring salt water into the still beating chambers.

I can't have done that to her, can I? It was just a stupid fucking argument; no-one goes off the deep end that easily.

It's like I don't even know who wrote that letter, I _know_ it was Nai, I recognise the handwriting, but this wasn't _my_ Naomi that wrote that; it can't have been. Naomi's always been strong, so passionate and spirited. That letter was written by someone that was down and broken and that can't be her. It's not like her. Though after listening to that fucking playlist I know it is.

It's a letter written by someone that's got nothing left to give, nowhere left to go and no-one left to turn to.

'_And yes Emily, you did do this to her. You're the one that broke her. You finally got what you wanted all those weeks ago; you broke her spirit and you broke her heart.' _

I did it all on my fucking own, without ever knowing how. I guess the woman I thought I knew didn't exist, has never really existed. There are layers to my Naoms that I've never seen, never really looked for, never understood. I never knew how fragile she was.

"Emily?"

I take a deep breath, sniffing as I do so.

"Ah, so you are still with me then. She's such a stupid girl."

She thinks Naomi's stupid, _'what the fuck must she think of me?'_

"Gina I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I've never…."

"Oh Emily, don't you be stupid as well, and don't fall apart on me. I need you to be strong now; we need to sort this out."

"But Gina I caused this, it's my fault."

"Emily." She sounded stern, _'Jesus, I didn't know she had it in her.' _"Emily answer me one question honestly. Have you been sleeping with Elizabeth?"

It takes me a moment or two to process the question, _'Elizabeth who?'_ Slowly the words seep through my head and I realise she's talking about Effy; she's asking me if I've cheated on Naomi with Effy. Is this a fucking joke?

"NO!" I reply as forcefully as I can, "Gina honestly, no matter what she told you I've not slept with her, not like that. The only time we ever slept together was when she appeared on our doorstep in the middle of the night and Naomi knew all about it, practically made me do it. Why would you even ask?"

"Because I needed to make sure dear. Because Naomi is absolutely positive that you've been cheating on her. She told me she'd seen you with her own eyes."

Jesus, one friendly kiss at the end of a shopping trip and she's making me out to be the whore of Babylon. Quickly I explain what happened to Gina, give her my side of the story.

"That's not what she was telling me Emily, she hasn't gone into details but she's told me she's seen you and Elizabeth together a lot; she's implied she's walked in on you in bed together. She seems to think there's more to it than you're telling me."

"Well there's not Gina. I've not cheated on her at all, not really."

And I hadn't, not really. Not since JJ, does dating someone behind her back count as cheating?

"What does 'not really' mean dear?"

'_fuck'_

"Has Naomi not told you what happened then?"

"Assume she hasn't dear."

I sigh, and tell her all about what happened after Sophia. About the note on the door, about Sara, about Mandy, about how I felt before, during and after that whole miserable period of our lives. I told her about JJ and how that fitted in to everything. I poured my heart out to that wonderful woman that had given me my Naomi, and she listened to me and didn't interrupt.

There was a long silence after I finished talking, then finally she responded her voice softer than before, more like the Gina I love.

"Well, it sounds like you've both been pretty silly dear."

I can't help smiling at that, 'silly'; if ever there was a statement that totally underplayed what had happened 'silly' was probably it.

"I know she hurt you Emily love; but take it from one who knows, you'll have hurt Naomi as well. Probably more than you think. She's all bullshit and bluster my daughter, she always has been. Carrying on with those girls when she thought you two had a chance at getting back together again will have hurt her badly…"

'_Yeah, I bet all the cheap shots I took didn't help either.'_

"I know Gina, but I thought we'd sorted it out," I interrupted, "we were happy together until all this stuff with Freddie happened. It's all snowballed from that point."

"Life's like that love; it has a tendency to run away from us. The only thing we can do now is pick up the pieces and start putting things back together again only this time we make what we have stronger so it doesn't get swept away again."

"What's the point Gina? She doesn't want to be found, we've been out looking for her for days. You know she doesn't want to see me. She came here from yours and wrecked everything, left you that note. All she left me was a music list and debris."

"Well that makes sense to me dear; she's always found music to be expressive. I've listened to her for years locked in her room playing music; she always said she picked songs to match her mood."

I'm suddenly dragged back to the melancholy nature of those last few songs and the fear for her returns.

"Gina, you don't…that letter, her music, you don't think she's going to do anything stupid do you?"

* * *

_Earlier – Effy_

It's six twenty in the evening, the sun is beginning to set and I'm pretty much resigned to admitting Katie's right. We've spent hours trawling through every haunt, every possible location looking for Naomi and we've had no luck whatsoever.

I guess she doesn't want to be found.

I need to find her though, need to find her and make everything right again.

"You all right Eff?"

"Not really Kay, not really."

I'm suddenly wrapped in the infamous Fitch-hug, strong and tight and full of love. The twins have often joked about the Fitch-hug, the hug that's supposed to make you feel better no matter what, but this is the first time I've been on the end of a full-on one. Actually it is kind of nice, it makes you feel wanted, makes you feel part of something greater than yourself. I'm almost disappointed when she finally lets me go.

"Come on Eff, let's go get a drink. I think we deserve one."

I shake my head, "No Katie, we've got to keep looking."

"Effy, you're looking shattered babe. Perhaps it's time we admitted defeat for the day. She doesn't want to be found yet; maybe we should just respect that."

"But Katie she does want to be found, she came home to see Emily this morning."

"Effy you don't know that for sure, all you know is you saw her at the window and she left. She might have run because she saw we were there. She might have hoped there was no-one home, might have waited until after Emily left. After all she came back later didn't she, when we were all gone."

I'm shaking my head throughout her little speech, it's a perfectly reasonable explanation but I know it's wrong. I know she came home to see Emily, I know why she ran.

"Katie…" I interrupted.

"Yeah, I know," she replied her voice sinking, "it's a nice idea but it's not right."

I squeezed her arm, "No, we both know why she'd vanished, she saw us Kay, she put two and two together and made twenty-two."

"You think she saw…" she paused blushing, her face horror-struck.

"God you're dense sometimes Katie, that's _exactly_ what she saw. I don't think it's the first time either. I think she saw us in bed together the night she dragged me home and reading between the lines, I think she thought you were Emily then too. That's when she started to have a problem with me."

"But I look nothing like Emily, we're totally different."

"Not always babe, you may dress differently but you two are actually very alike, especially with your morning hair, especially from behind. Besides," I wink at her, "Didn't you say she mistook you for Emily once before, at a cafe, from behind?"

"Yeah but…fuck it, Emily dresses like a tramp most of the time."

I can't help but smirk at that. "Fuck off Effy!"

"What?"

"You know what! You were implying I dress like a tramp as well."

"Well yes Katiekins, but a different kind of tramp yeah?"

I light a cigarette and wink at her, she's doing her best to look offended, but it's not working, somewhere inside I think her sense of humour has just awakened. Either that or she's finally tuned into how mine works because her lips are twitching as she glares at me. I flinch slightly as she raises her hand to my face, but all she does is rip my barely touched smoke from my lips and toss it into the gutter.

"Oi!" I start before feeling her lips press against mine. I'm not totally sure I'll ever get used to this, this _is_ Katie after all. But then I guess she is a Fitch and those girls seem to wear their hearts on their sleeves; not like Naomi and me. Her hands are in my hair now and I'm only slightly distracted by the vibrations and music that's coming from her bag.

"Ka..umm..don't you... umm"

"No!" was her only reply, spoken practically into my mouth between kisses. Very reluctantly I break away from her embrace.

"Katie, either that's your phone or you have a spectacularly tasteless sex toy in your bag."

She raises an eyebrow at that. "Either way I think you should check on it in case it's important. If it's not..." I stroked her hair gently with the back of my fingers before continuing.

"...if it's not Kay, I think you need to carry on what you were doing…practically immediately."

* * *

_Earlier - Emily_

"_you don't think she's going to do anything stupid do you?"_

"Oh Emily, you really are a perfect pair aren't you? You're both bloody stupid. She's being melodramatic because she _knows_ you'll read the letter. Why else would she have left it there, she could have stuck it to _my_ door you know."

_Fuck_ she's right about that, why would Naomi leave a private note for her mum here, where _I_ would find it?

That nagging doubt caused by the music is still there though. Quickly I explain about the music, and those last few tracks that have terrified me.

Gina just laughs, "Bullshit and bluster Emily dear remember? It's nothing, trust me I know my daughter."

'_I'm not sure you do Gina, I thought I knew her as well and I've been proven wrong.'_

"But she seems so down, she went to London for fucks sake, wouldn't talk to me, left me all this music. Gina I'm worried OK?"

I can almost hear her amusement down the phone; frankly it pisses me off just a little. How can she not take this seriously? How _can_ she? Perhaps if she'd spent the best part of three hours sat here listening to song after song, perhaps if she'd seen the state of this place, saw the message on the board, seen all of it she'd understand.

"I'm sure there's nothing to be worried about love, it's just Naomi acting up as usual. She wants you to be worried, probably wants you to come and find her."

Now _that_ stops me in my fucking tracks, perhaps that's exactly what she wants me to do. Fuck me, for an aging hippy Gina really is quite perceptive.

"Where do you think she'd go Gina, if she wants me to come find her that's exactly what I'll do."

"I have no idea Emily love, is there anywhere special that you two have? Somewhere she would go that she'd know you could find?"

'_Our Lake'_ the thought hits me as clear as a crystal, the image of our little secluded haven flashing into my mind, what was it she'd said last time we were there?

"_a little piece of serenity, far away from the madness."_

Surely she'd go there, it's fucking obvious...why the fuck didn't I think of it earlier?

"I mean, where is this 'place where it all ended?' If that's not a clue for you Emily dear I don't know what is."

"I've not got a clue Gina." I haven't either, "I thought of our special place, our lake it's where we first..." I paused slightly embarrassed at the thought of telling this intimate secret to Naomi's mother. "First really talked to each other, talked about how we felt."

"I thought your trip to that lake was the first time you slept together Emily love, or did I misread my daughter after she came home from college that day?"

'_Shit'_ I don't have an answer, can't say anything, I'm fucking positive Naomi would kill me if she knew.

"It's OK Emily," she said, breaking the long pause that I had inadvertently caused, "it doesn't matter. Does your lake fit that clue?"

That's the fucking trouble it doesn't, doesn't at all. Nothing ended there, not really. Ok she fucked off and ran, but it really was the _start_ of things. The start of whatever it was we had back then, the start of what we have now.

'_the place where it all ended...what the fuck does that mean?'_ I look down at her playlist, the window into her hidden and closeted soul and look at the tracks, '_All Apologies', 'Love Will Tear Us Apart', 'Talk'_ all the songs about the breakdown of our relationship, the end of us.

'_where it all ended' FUCK!_

"Gina, I think I know where she is, it's where I found out about Sophia, it's the rooftop car-park in town, the one by Ritzy's nightclub. It's where I walked away from her, where we ended. Fucking hell Gina she's on a fucking rooftop, in her frame of mind. I've got to go, got to go get her before she does anything stupid."

"Emily calm down love, she's not going to do anything stupid. I told you, she's not like that, she's all bluster. She's probably sat there waiting for you to work it out."

"Gina you're wrong, I'm sure of it, she wants me to come and find her, stop her. I only hope I'm not too fucking late."

I'm running down the stairs phone in hand trying to grab my coat, my helmet and my keys as I do so. I glance at the clock, it's half past six, at least the roads would be clear.

"Gina, I've got to go, I'll call you, sorry." I hang up the call before she can say a word and quickly dial Katie, heading for the scooter as I do so. I can hear it ringing but there's no answer.

'_Pick up the phone Katie, pick it up...don't fucking do this to me.'_

* * *

_Earlier – Katie_

"I _swear_ I'm going throw this phone at a _fucking_ wall!"

"Temper Kay. It's all right I'm not going anywhere, just answer it babe."

She's smirking at me as I grab the phone and swipe the screen to answer the call pausing only to glance at the name that's appeared. My sister is in so much fucking trouble she'll wish she wasn't born.

"Emily what the fuck do you want?" I'm slightly shocked by the response.

"Fucking shut up and listen Katie, how close to Ritzy's are you?"

"What? What the fuck are you on about Emily?" I spit down the phone. I feel the phone being prised gently from my hand and look to see Effy smiling at me as she placed on finger onto my lips.

"Emily it's Eff, Katie's a little annoyed right now," she winked at me, "you caught her in the middle of something. What's up?"

I can only hear one side of the conversation and I frown at Eff who pushes the speakerphone button on the screen.

"from Ritzy's are you?" Emily continues obviously asking her the same question.

"We're about, what?" she said looking at me. "Five or ten minutes from there; something like that."

I nod at her, the nightclub is pretty close.

"Do you know the car-park next to it, the multi-storey one?"

I nod as Effy does, "Yeah we know it Ems, why's it important?"

"I'll tell you later, can you guys go to the roof, I'm sure Naomi is up there and I'm scared. I think she's going to do something stupid and she's left Gina a note telling me where she is. I'm about to head over but if you're closer could you..."

She left the question hanging; Effy is the first to respond

"Of course we will Emily; we'll go find her for you. This time I'll let Katie hold her down if that's what it takes to keep her there."

I can hear the relief flood into Emily's voice as she thanked us and hung up, it's not a sound I ever want to hear again. Not in this context anyway. I turn back to Effy who's got a glint in her eye again.

"We'll get her this time babe, we'll find her. She wants to be found."

I nod back, "Looks like you were right Eff. Just don't go back to being all fucking mysterious again ok? I don't think I could cope with a girlfriend that knows fucking everything."

I can't help but tease her, the end's in sight. Well, at least we've got a clue where to go this time. With a broad smile, something I've rarely seen on her face she grabs me by the hand.

"Come on Katie, let's go and get Naomi."

"So do I get to hit her when we find her?"

"Kay, I said no hitting."

"Yeah but you told Emily you'd let me hold her down, I'd _have_ to hit her first wouldn't I, she's bigger than me."

She's laughing as she drags me, half walking half running through the streets of the town centre towards the nightclub.

"Leave the hitting to me Katie; you don't know your own strength."

"As long as there are no rocks nearby babe."

She stops for a second, the smile wiped from her face. I'm suddenly hit with how stupid that last comment was. There I go again, Katie Fitch, the queen of fucking foot-in-mouth disease.

"Shit, Eff, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

She shushed me with her finger again. "Katie, I know I've said this before but I really am sorry about that. It was a stupid fucking mistake and if those two idiots have taught me anything recently it's that you need to talk these things out. I'm sorry I hit you with that rock, I'm sorry I fucked Freddie that night, I'm sorry I humiliated you. I'm really, really sorry."

Jesus, what the fuck have I done. She looks devastated, I wish I'd never brought it up. Slowly and carefully I grasp her hand and kiss the finger she'd placed on my lips.

"Eff, I know ok? I know. I wouldn't have been able to joke about it if I wasn't over it, and that's _all_ it was a bad joke. I'm not totally blameless am I? I went after you that night deliberately to fuck you up, I knew you were off your head and still I did it. I'm not proud of it either. I kind of lost control."

"Yes Kay, but you didn't deserve that, no-one deserves that...and then I just left you there."

"Who called the ambulance Eff? Because I _know_ it wasn't one of the others; I asked and they didn't know who'd called them. I know it was you. Look can we put that night down to my bitchiness and your drug problem?"

I try smiling to soften the comment, "If we keep on about it babe it's going to drag us both down. I'm over it now, I've been over it since Venice; you need to get over it too. Deal?"

She smiled back, it's not the happy smile she had moments before but it's a start. I pull at her arm.

"Come on then lover, let's go and deal with Blondie together, I'll hold her and you hit her. Then we can sit on the silly cow until Emily arrives and then I'll hold her back as well."

Eleven breath-shattering minutes later we're running up the stairs to the top floor of the car-park. I have no idea how Effy is doing it, with the amount she smokes you'd think she'd be collapsed on the floor needing the kiss of life by now. Instead she's two steps above me and I'm the one that's out of breath.

We burst through the door at the top and I can see her, she's dressed in the same clothes as yesterday at the funeral and she's sitting with her feet over the edge of the wall that runs around the roof. I know that ledge, Emily told me all about it, I've suddenly realised where we are and why she came here.

"NAOMI!"

I hear Effy scream her name across the rooftop as she stands and turns to face us. She's been crying I can see that as I walk towards her, her face is red and tear streaked. She turns her back on us both, adamantly staring out to the city, blanking our existence.

"Naomi, you've got to come down from there." Effy starts her hand outstretched behind her, "Naomi you're scaring me, please come down from the ledge."

She just ignores her, looking down at the street below.

"Naomi, you're making a big mistake hun, please come down from there."

She's crying again, I can see that from where I'm stood. For a fraction of a second I catch her eye and I watch as a tear runs down her cheek as she flicks her eyes away from me and looks back over the city.

"Naomi, it's not what you think you know? Whatever it is you think is happening it's not what you think. You've got to trust me. Listen to Effy and get down."

She's not listening to me, I'm not even sure if she heard, there's no reaction at all to my words, or Effy's. I take a few steps closer, anxious not to upset her any more.

"What did you say when we were here last Ems? It's all so _fragile_, well you were right. It is; I am. _Fragile_."

Who the fuck is she talking to? I quickly glance around thinking that Emily has arrived as promised but there's no sign of her. _'Fuck she must think I'm Emsy'_ Quickly I try to put her straight.

"Naomi, it's me, it's Ka..."

"I told you that you were the one person that could ruin my life."

She's interrupted me, started shouting into the sunset, I can't catch all the words, her voice is slurring through her tears, but I catch enough and I'm filled with dread as she finishes her little speech and looks out across the town.

"I love you Emily, I always have and I always will, remember that."

"Effy!" I shout, suddenly guessing what she's about to do. She's there before I can even finish uttering her name. As Naomi teeters on the edge of the roof, her foot outstretched as if to step off; Effy's grabbed her by the back of her coat and pulled at her sharply. It's like a slow motion scene as I watch the blonde fall backwards off the ledge, slip through Effy's arms and hit the grey concrete of the car-park roof. There's a sickening crack as her head smashes onto the pitted surface and her body goes as limp as a rag-doll.

"Effy looks down at her lying on the floor. As I rush over I can see blood pooling from her head onto the surface, seeping into the pits and obscuring the dirty white markings. There's so much blood, too much blood.

This can't be happening. She can't be fucking dead, not after all this.

"Katie...KATIE!"

I'm snapped out of my ghoulish musing by Effy shouting and shaking my arm.

"Call a fucking ambulance Katie, call it now."

I dial the three numbers on the phone and give them out details. Effy is leaning next to Naomi touching her gently, checking her for signs of life. I can't help but stare as I talk to the operator, she's telling me not to move her and that help is on its way; I'm not concentrating. I'm waiting anxiously for Effys verdict. As I hang up the phone she looks up at me, tears rolling down her face.

"She's breathing, there's a pulse but there's a lot of blood." She stood and looked at me earnestly through her tears. "Look Katie, whatever you do, don't tell anyone we think she was going to jump."

"You think that too?"

She looked up at me and shook her head, "Not really Kay, I didn't think she meant it but I wasn't sure. She didn't sound right and I wasn't going to take the chance. Just don't mention it ok? Just tell them she was messing around on the parapet and I pulled her back and she fell.

"Why lie babe, why not tell them the truth."

"Where did I end up Kay? Do you want that for Naomi, do you want that for Emily? Besides it might not be the whole truth, but it _is_ what happened. We can keep this secret can't we?"

I think about it for a second and nod silently. She's right, those two have gone through enough without having to have evaluations and questions and everything else. Effy nods at my reaction and squats down next to Naomi's prone body.

"Stay with me Naomi, help's on the way" she whispered, "Stay with me hun, everything will be all right."

* * *

_Emily_

If there was ever a time when I wished this stupid fucking scooter was a proper fucking 1000cc race bike it's now. I'm revving the arse out of the 125cc's it's actually got, pushing her as hard as she can go.

It's not quick enough for me.

It's taken me fucking ages to get into town and as I finally turn into the side street to get to the car park I'm nearly run down by an ambulance that's pulling away, sirens blaring as it does so. At the end of the road I can see a crowd gathered, it's early evening and the crowds must be heading to the local bars.

Or at least I keep telling myself that until I see the square backed shape of a police car parked on the pavement. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest; it's the fear generated by my imagination that's killing me at the moment. The fear that's caused by my mind conjuring up a million scenarios, all of them bad, about what that crowd, what that car and what that ambulance could mean.

Deep down I know it could be nothing to do with Naomi, it could all be a fucking coincidence, a car crash perhaps, or a hit and run, someone collapsing in the street or even a stupid bar fight. But I can't help the fear in my heart that something fucking awful has happened and it's happened to her.

Parking the scooter and struggling to remove my helmet with my shaking hands I practically run around the corner into the rapidly thinning crowd.

"Fucking ambulance chasers" I hear a voice mutter, "blocking the fucking street."

"Do you know what happened?" a voice slurred by drink asked.

"Nah, not got a fucking clue," the woman's voice replied, "fucking police went in just before they brought that girl down. Hope they open the fucking place soon, I want to get home."

'Girl.' The thought flashed through my mind and, unbidden, connected with an image of Naomi. The two things don't go together to make a happy picture. Frantically I push my way through the mingled bodies, heading towards a police car down the street. As I get near to the front I'm presented with a sight I'm not really prepared to see. My sister is being bundled into the back of the car by a policewoman.

My fucking sister, what the fuck has happened?

"KATIE!"

She looks out from the door and our eyes meet; her mouth drops open as she sees me.

"KATIE WHAT THE FUCKS GOING ON, WHERE'S NAOMI?"

I get the distinct feeling that everyone has turned to look at me. I don't care, my eyes are pleading with Katie to tell me something before the door is slammed closed and she's driven away.

"EMSY, IT'S OK, IT'S GOING TO BE OK" she shouts back.

"WHAT'S GOING TO BE OK?" I shout back. It's to no avail, the policewoman shuts the door and I can see Katie pressed against the window shouting at me but I can't make it out.

Pushing past people I try to get to the car before they can drive off, I find myself stopped by a strong arm.

"Excuse me Miss, do you happen to know that girl?"

I turn angrily to the uniformed man that's stopped me, "That's my sister; let me go I've got to speak to her."

"Do you happen to know a Naomi Campbell Miss?"

I stop struggling at his grasp at her name.

"Why what's happened to her?"

"I take it you do know her then Miss."

"She's my girlfriend." I watch him blink as he processed that fact then smoothly he continued.

"Then I think, Miss, you need to come with me."

* * *

.

.

_**BTW Have you seen the news, Skins the movie is a *go* for a summer 2011 release...can we all keep writing stuff till then to keep the magic alive? Damn I can't wait...IMAX 3D please...lol**_


	23. Hospitals and Heartache

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **Well of course I wouldn't let what you thought happened happen, seriously people how can I write the sequels if I let that happen?

_fr3nzzy_ you can take your bow now, spot on in all cases and thanks for not posting it in a review, secrets are so much fun (-:

Not 100% with this little stepping stone, probably because I'm outside my comfort zone and taking a few liberties here and there, but it's all in the interests of making this a story. What can I say? I've never been in trouble with the law (-:0 and the few times I've been in hospital, I've been unconscious or concussed for most of it so I don't remember an awful lot d-:

* * *

**Chapter 23 – Hospitals and Heartache**

_Emily_

I feel sick, sick to my stomach. It's been two hours since I was dragged away by that copper, two hours in which I've found out that my Naomi's been taken to hospital with head injuries and that my sister and Effy have been taken away to _'help with the police's enquiries'_.

And no-one will tell me what the fuck is going on.

The only thing I've got holding me together at the moment is the fact that she's alive and that her mother has arrived and is currently with her. The stupid fucking doctors won't let me in, so I'm sat on this stupid plastic seat waiting to hear if the woman I love is fucking ok? They don't count me as next of kin, despite the fact that I've told them that we've been living together for months.

Apparently if you're under 18 you don't count for anything, not in the Bristol Royal Infirmary's eyes anyway.

It's a fucking mess, I'm a fucking mess.

I haven't heard from Effy or Katie, not since I was left a cryptic message on my voicemail; I must have missed it as I was driving into town. It was from Katie's phone but it wasn't from her, Effy's voice was instantly recognisable.

"_Emily listen, I've got to be quick. We've found her, she's had an accident but I think she'll be fine. Don't mention her doing anything stupid, to anyone OK? I'll explain later. Got to go, be strong."_

That was it, and it's done absolutely fucking nothing to help my state of mind. What does she mean by an accident and why shouldn't I mention anything?

Why would I fucking care? I don't care what she's done or why, not at the moment. All I want to know is that she's ok and to let her know that I'm here. I'm here for her.

_Why won't they just let me in?_

* * *

_Effy_

"Are you going to tell me what really happened Miss Stonem?"

"I think I already did."

This guy is beginning to bore me now. For the last half hour he's been asking me questions and then re-asking and then re-asking the same ones.

"Well Miss Stonem, you see...the problem is your story doesn't match your friend's."

I snort at him, _'yeah right'_

"Do you mind if I smoke?"

"This is a no smoking site Miss Stonem, so yes, I'm afraid I _do_ mind."

I shrug at him, "So do I get to speak to my solicitor now?"

He looks at me quizzically, "Your solicitor? Miss Stonem you're just helping us with our enquiries, there's no need for a solicitor. You haven't been charged with anything."

"Really?" my best surprised and shocked voice, "I was under the impression that you were holding me for something. You know, the way you separated me from my friend, the way you bundled me into the car, the way I was driven here without ever being told why. The way that you've been asking me questions and calling me a liar for the last half hour."

He looked a little sheepish.

"Yeah, I mean, I _thought_ I was under arrest, though no-one actually bothered to mention that, let alone mention my _right_ to legal representation. I've done everything I could to cooperate with you, but this has gone a bit too far now. I think I'd like to speak to someone in charge."

I put my feet up on the table, leaning back in the chair. "I think I'd like to make a formal complaint about my treatment."

The suit looked at me and pushed my feet off the table.

"Miss Stonem, I think we may have to charge you with obstructing our investigation. That's a very serious offence."

"Are you threatening me now? Is there someone watching this?" I look around the room and straight into the camera in the corner.

"I'd like to see you try and make that stick, I've given you all the information I can. Cooperated yeah? For the last time though, Katie and I went up onto the roof because we'd spent all day looking for Naomi, she was stood on the ledge, we went over - she fell when she got down off the ledge and she hit her head. Katie phoned an ambulance and then you arrived. It was just a stupid accident and I don't know why you're involved."

"The circumstances are suspicious Miss Stonem; the ambulance crew reported head injuries consistent with a serious assault, _that's_ why we're involved."

He looked at me smugly, like he'd just laid down the winning card. Not today my friend, I spent enough time with Cook to know what's supposed to happen.

"So why _haven't_ you arrested me? If you've got enough '_evidence'_ to tell me I'm a liar then _surely_ you've got enough evidence to actually _charge_ me for this mythical assault. Unless you're just trying to bully me of course. I'm sure any legal advisor worth their salt would have a field day with what you've done. I don't think I'm going to say any more until I have a solicitor present."

That threw him, I just stare into his eyes the old dead-eyed, disinterested Effy Stonem look. There's a knock at the door. He breaks away and opens it; a large woman enters the room and whispers in his ear before leaving.

"DS Blunt says you're free to go Miss Stonem; however we may need to ask you further questions in the future to establish if there are to be any charges made."

I stand up from the hard metal chair.

"Tell me..." I raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for the answer.

"Detective Constable Sweeney" he replied.

"Is it you, or your boss I need to make my complaint about, and who is it exactly I need to complain to? Can you have them come in, or do I have to put it in writing?"

Secretly I'm loving this, after all of the bullshit I was put through when I was 'questioned' at Karen's this is payback indeed. Time to make them squirm, like they tried to make me squirm.

Sometimes I can be a real bitch; I blame Katie, she's a bad influence.

"I'll get you a form." He replied thickly, opening the door and gesturing me out.

"Thank you," I reply with my best sickly sweet voice, "you're so kind."

He escorts me to the front desk of the station and gestures at the uniformed officer that's standing there.

"Miss Stonem would like to make a complaint, can you explain the process." I can hear the bitterness in his voice...fucking perfect.

"Complaint? Well that sounds like a very good idea doesn't it Rob?" It's not a voice I recognise, Scottish. Someone else isn't happy. I don't get chance to turn around and look though because suddenly I'm grabbed by the shoulders and dragged into a hug.

"I thought they were _never_ going to let you out. I've been worried sick."

Well thank fuck for that, looks like Katie's escaped their clutches as well. I take a deep breath and let it out before I hug her back.

"Good to see you Kay, how long did they hold you for?"

"Not long, they had to call mum and dad, I'm under 18 remember?" she let go of the hug and stepped back a little sheepishly, probably remembering where she was, and who she was with.

"Dad apparently went bat-shit at them; he's been phoning everyone he knew from the gym, calling in favours, threatening them with all sorts until they let me go. I think he even called a friend at the local paper complaining about police brutality or something. He was great."

She smiled proudly back at the well built man with a faded 'Rob Fitch Fitness' T-Shirt.

"We've been waiting for you to get out; they wanted to leave but I had to stay, wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Thanks Katie, that was really nice of you," I pulled her back into a hug and lowered my voice carefully, "Did you tell them anything babe?"

"Nothing, just like we planned" she whispered back.

"Good, neither did I."

"Never doubted it babe, you're the unflappable Effy Stonem after all."

"Yeah, and you're Katie fucking Fitch."

"Wow, what a tag-team we'd make!"

She's laughing at me now. I guess we do sound like a second rate wrestling team. I can feel her body shudder against mine as she chuckles away to herself. It feels nice, after everything today, it feels nice to be happy for a second.

"Miss Stonem?" The older man at the desk is calling me holding out a piece of paper.

"Here you will find a copy of the Avon and Somerset Police Force complaints procedure. You can either make a complaint here and now, in writing to the address on this form, or you can complete your complaint on our website."

He glances across at the Detective that brought me down, no love lost there; you don't have to be _me_ to spot that. The older man looks positively pleased that I might complain.

"Would you like to make the complaint now? I can call a senior officer to take your complaint if you wish."

"No, I think I've been here long enough. _Especially_ with my _friend_ in hospital." I shoot the Detective a glare. "I think I'll just put it in writing."

"Yeah right, and you can bank on me doing the same like, you ain't getting away with treating my Katiekins like this. It's a _disgrace_. Bundling her into a car like a common criminal..."

"Come on Rob, we're leaving. Katie, let's go."

I feel her pull away, following after her parents. I take the forms and smile at the uniformed officer thanking him for his help.

Stepping outside the police station I pull my pack of cigarettes from a pocket and carefully light the remaining one. I take a long drag and savour the rush from the nicotine as it hits my lungs. My pulse is finally calming down. I may play things cool, but it doesn't mean that I really am. My life is one big act, one big performance.

Mostly anyway.

It's dark now and my watch is telling me it's getting on for ten. I look on from the pavement as Katie is led away by her parents. In a way I'm happy for her, it doesn't seem that long since she was telling me about how awful her mum had been about Emily, how upset she was about everything that she'd said. Perhaps this would be her silver lining, reconciliation with her mum. After all, she'd told me how close they used to be.

As I take another drag on my cigarette Katie stops walking and pulls away from her mum. There's a hurried conversation and what looks like a short argument before she's walking back towards me. It's like watching the Katie Fitch of old as she struts across the road. I cock my head to one side and raise my eyebrow, the classic Effy smirk on my lips. My whole body is asking a question of her, _'Yes?'_

As she gets a few paces closer I can see a look of resolve on her face, I put my cigarette to my lips and for the second time today she rips it from them and throws it away.

"That's a really bad habit you've developed there hun." I state firmly, watching the glowing end fade on the damp ground. "That was my last one."

"Mum and dad want me to go home with them," she said simply.

"Then you should go."

"I don't want to Eff. I want to go with you and find Emily, we need to see if Naomi's ok."

"Is that what you were arguing with your mother about?"

She nodded, "She doesn't think I should have anything to do with Naomi, keeps telling me she's a bad influence."

"She's probably right; she's totally corrupted you Katie Fitch. You used to be the nice, sweet twin before you met her, now look at you."

Her lips twitched, "Fuck you Stonem."

I can't help but smile, "I'm not sure your mum would appreciate that, not here right in front of her."

I'm rewarded with a grin; it's the first time I've seen her properly smile for what feels like hours. She really is pretty when she smiles, her face just glows and I fight back the urge to kiss her. She probably wouldn't thank me for that, for ruining our little secret in front of her parents. Not that it's so secret any more of course, but I am thinking of damage limitation. Casually I grin back at her and wink.

"That's better babe, you look better when you smile. Now, are you going to phone Emily and find out where she is or do I have to steal that phone again?"

* * *

_Emily_

Well at least that's one worry off my mind, at least Katie and Effy are ok. I've just got off the phone to them both, convinced them that they should head home for a bit; they wanted to come to the hospital but I think they've realised that there's no point, it's late and there's nothing happening that I can see. I've been told to go home several times by the staff here. I think they've given up now; no-one has spoken to me for ages. It's as if I don't exist to them; then to be fair, they're probably fucking busy.

I don't think I've moved from this chair for the last hour, not since Gina arrived and was whisked away by an overly efficient nurse without barely a word to me. The cup of rank, machine-created coffee at my feet has long since gone cold and I'm starting to get tired. It was a late night, an early-ish start this morning, a fucking awful-stressful day and now it's getting late.

All I can do is sit back and wait, and I'm not good at doing either of those things. But I'm not leaving, not until I see her, not until I know how she is.

* * *

"Emily? Love, what are you still doing here?"

I sit up quickly, '_shit I must have fallen asleep'_. I kick myself at my stupidity and my brain fights through the fatigue to bring reality back into focus.

"Emily, are you all right dear?"

I try to blink away the drowsiness and realise it's Gina that's stood above me shaking me awake. Quickly I check my watch, _thank fuck for that_ I can't have been asleep for much longer than an hour.

"Gina, how is she? No-one will tell me anything. I'm worried fucking sick."

The blonde woman sits down next to me and wraps an arm around my shoulders. It's such a familiar feeling it sends a shiver down my spine.

"They think she's going to be fine love, the doctors have done some X-Rays but they think she's got nothing more than a concussion. They're only keeping her in under observation because she's been unconscious for so long."

Tears start to flow, a concussion, a fucking concussion. That means a serious head injury, and she's _still_ unconscious; that can't be good either, can it?

"Gina I need to see her, but they won't let me in. They keep telling me I'm not family."

She squeezed my shoulders affectionately, wiping at my face with a tissue. "Of course you're family Emily love, I'd have come to get you earlier but one of the nurses told me she'd convinced you to go home. If I hadn't needed the loo I'd never have known you were out here still."

She stood up and held out her hand. "Come on then dear, shall we go and wait for her to wake up?"

My body protests as I try and rise from the hard chair, my muscles are burning at the sudden movement. I grab her hand and she pulls me up and regards me appraisingly.

"Emily. I think you should clean yourself up before we go in, frankly you look a bit of a mess and we wouldn't want to scare her back into unconsciousness when she wakes would we?"

Oh she's wonderful, I love this woman. I don't know if Naomi realises just how alike they are. They both have that wonderfully dry sense of humour that just totally disarms you. I think that was one of the reasons I fell in love with her daughter all those years ago. Half laughing, half crying I grab her and hug her, trying to show her with that simple physical gesture how much she means to me.

"So are you going to stop crying now Emily? Seriously you look terrible. You really don't have the complexion for it."

"I love you Gina, I really do."

"I know dear, I know. I love you too."

* * *

_Katie_

"Arrrghhh, sometimes I fucking hate her!"

"Who? Emily or your mum?"

Now there's a question, in this case it's Emily but it does fit with mum, sometimes I hate her too.

"Emily. She's being a fucking martyr. All this _'I don't need you to be here tonight Katie, I'm ok, don't tell mum_' bullshit, doesn't she think that I might just _want_ to be there for her?"

"Of course she does Katie."

"Then I'm going, screw her. I want to be there for her."

I get the full on glare from Effy.

"No Kay, you're not. She knows you care, that's all that matters. She wants to be there for Naomi. Don't take that away from her ok? Don't ruin what might happen."

"But.."

"No Katie."

I feel like a puppy that's just had its nose slapped by its owner, I guess she must be able to tell because she's apologising almost immediately.

"Kay, sorry; I didn't mean it to come out like that. Look, you've got to give her some space babe. Emily needs time with Naomi and she's not going to be able to do that with us around. We've done our bit for the day. We found her…"

"We put her in hospital" I interrupted. I'm perhaps a bit harsh because I see her flinch at my words.

"Yeah,_ I_ put her in hospital Katie; but at least they're together. It could have been worse you know."

Fucking hell, we're at it again. Just hurting each other; neither of us knowing how or why. I take a deep breath and start again.

"Effy, I know it could have been worse. _We_ did the right thing, it's just…she's my sister ok? I love her, and I want to be there for her. Fuck knows she's been there for me often enough recently, they both have."

"Jesus Katie, did you just publically admit that you care about them both? What is the world coming to?

She smiles gently at my shocked face.

"Fuck me you're such a lump, I'm joking Kay. Look, why don't we go back to hers and wait for her to call ok? That way she knows you're there for her and we can keep in touch."

"I guess it's better than nothing." I'm aware she's just cleverly changed the subject of the conversation, this time though I'm prepared to let it slide, I was never going to win.

"That's my girl," she gives me a dig with her elbow, "let's head home then yeah? I need to find a shop anyway. Someone just threw away my last fag and I haven't had one for hours."

"Fucks sake Effy..." I dug around in the imitation designer bag I habitually carry. Finding what I was looking for I thrust it into her hands.

"...here, don't say I don't look after you."

She smiles as she realises it's a pack of her favourite brand of cigarettes.

"Aw Kay, I didn't know you cared."

"Well I do, though I'd prefer it if you didn't fucking smoke Eff. But seeing as you never seem to carry many and you're a real bitch when you're deprived of them I bought a pack for emergencies. It's not like it's a big fucking deal you know."

She shook her head at me, opening the packet and taking out a cigarette.

"It _is_ a big deal Kay; it's actually quite a big deal. I'll explain it to you one day."

'_Enigmatic cow,'_ it really _isn't_ a big deal; so I bought her some fags, seriously overreacting much? I turn away from her as she lights up and takes a drag. Mum and dad are still waiting by the car. Mum doesn't look happy that I'm stood here with Effy; I don't think she's forgiven her for the 'rock' incident.

"DAD!"

I yell trying to drag his attention from whatever mum is saying about us.

"Can you give us a lift to Emily's? We're going to wait there for news."

He nods and waves us over, mum turns her head at him angrily but he just ignores her and climbs into the driver's seat. I turn, grab the freshly lit cigarette from Effy's hand and throw it into the gutter; winking at her look of indignation as I do so.

"Come on then you, let's go home."

Grabbing her by the hand I practically drag her down to the waiting Fitch-mobile.

* * *

_Emily_

One quick swill of my face in cold water and one quick brush through my hair with my damp fingers and I'm looking more like Emily Fitch and less like the creature from the black lagoon.

Gina was right; I really did look a mess. I dig around in my bag and made a token effort at fixing what little make-up I'd put on that morning before giving it up as a bad job. My eyes were far too puffy to work with and I didn't think Naomi would really care.

As I look in the mirror I see Gina looking back at me, a wry smile on her face.

"You look fine dear, come on. We don't want to keep her waiting do we?"

As she leads me into the room I'm not really prepared for what I see. She's lying on the bed covers tucked up to her chest with her arms resting on top. Her head is wrapped with a clean white bandage and her eyes are firmly closed; her breathing is deep and slow. If it wasn't for the bandage and the wires from her to the medical monitor she could almost be asleep at home.

But she's not at home, she's lying in a hospital bed and she looks just like a broken china doll. I'm not looking at the tall strong girl I know, not the one I saw storming away from our home full of rage. She looks so pale and fragile and my heart breaks at what I'm seeing. I can't move from where I'm stood, I just stand there, horrified at the spectacle. No-one _ever_ wants to see someone they love ill or injured; I never, ever expected to see her in hospital like this, wired up to a machine that displays her every function.

I'm startled when Gina wraps her arm around my shoulders and propels me towards a chair next to the bed.

"Go on love, you sit there and wait with her. I'll go and get us both a drink."

I sit down in the chair and pull it close to the bed. Reaching out I take her hand and hold it tightly in mine, rubbing my thumb across hers.

"Hey babe, it's me. I'm _so_ sorry...I'm here now; everything's going to be all right."

I'm not surprised by the silence; I am surprised by how awkward I feel finally being able to talk to her, even though I've spent ages leaving messages on her phone like this. As I sit in an uncomfortable silence just stroking her hand Gina rested her hand on my shoulder.

"It's ok Emily, you don't have to talk to her if you don't want to, she's not in a coma or anything like that. The Doctor says she's just sleeping. She could wake up at any point."

"I just wanted her to know I'm here, know that I'm sorry about what happened."

She squeezed my shoulder lightly. "I know, dear. I understand. It's not your fault you know."

I nod in response, inwardly I'm thinking _'That's easy for you to believe.'_

* * *

I spent a good portion of the night just talking to her; in fact every time Gina left the room or dozed off I took the opportunity to tell Naomi everything I was feeling.

I know she won't have heard, won't remember anything I've said, but that's ok. I wasn't really saying it for her. I was saying it for myself. I spent hours reminding myself of how much I love her, reminding myself of everything I'd fought for over the last few years.

Later I'd just sat there and watched her sleep as Gina drifted off in her chair. Eventually I too succumbed to the exhaustion, putting my head on the bed and pulling our entwined hands to my face. Gently I kissed the fingers that I held, before tucking them under my cheek; satisfied by the feeling of closeness, finally I allowed myself to fall asleep.

* * *

I'm awoken by the sound of voices. Anxiously I open my eyes and look up at Naomi; she's still lying there; eyes still closed. Asleep or unconscious still I can't really tell.

Blinking at the morning light that's streaming through the, now opened, window I see Gina smiling across at me.

"Morning love; are you feeling any better?"

I look across at the figure of my girl and shake my head; it's true, I don't feel any better, not at all, nothing has changed so why should I?

"Who was that?"

She looked around the room, "Who was what?"

"I heard voices, did she wake up? Is she all right?"

She shook her head; my shoulders sagged involuntarily at her response. "It was one of the nurses dear, she came in to check Naomi readings and wanted to know if we needed anything."

I'm disappointed, more than I can possibly explain. I'd dreamt that she would be awake when I woke up. That she'd be awake and fine and that we'd be ok again. It was a happy dream, but the longer and longer she slept the more I worried.

"Why don't you go and freshen up dear?" As I made to protest she spoke over me.

"Look Emily, she's not going anywhere, she's not going to escape again."

"I want to be here when she wakes up Gina, I want her to know I am here."

"Emily love, she could be asleep for hours or she could have already woken up whilst we were asleep. You can't just sit there waiting."

I can you know, given half the chance I would. But she's right; a bathroom break is well and truly needed and a quick splash of water across my face would probably make me feel better again. So I nod and stretch and walk out of the room, closing the door behind me quietly.

Ten minutes later and I am feeling slightly better, bladder empty, face washed. It really does make a difference. Walking along the green and white painted corridor I feel almost ready to face the world.

I pull my phone from my pocket and check it for messages. There's one from Katie, telling me that her and Eff were back at ours and wanted an update on Naomi's condition. Surprisingly there was one voicemail message from dad. He had left me a simple message that told me how upset he was, how much he liked Naomi and he hoped that she was going to be ok.

'_Emily love, Katie told me what happened to your Naomi. Look love I'm really, really sorry. I like that girl kid, always have. She's got her head screwed on right she has. Anyway look, let me know where you are and I'll pop over to see yous both later. Is there anything I can do? Give me a ring Ems and I'll sort it yeah? Love you.'_

I love my dad, he's so supportive. Always there for me when I really need him, no questions asked.

Smiling, I walked back towards the small room and nearly collapsed as I could clearly hear the sound of her voice through the thin partition. She was talking to Gina and though sounding confused and slurry she sounded ok, sounded like my Naomi.

What a fucking relief it is to hear her voice, to know she's conscious. Quickly I opened the door and, trying to stay as calm as I could for her sake, I walked in and stood at the foot of her bed.

"Babe?"

I tried to put every question I could into that one word, _are you ok? Are we ok? Can you forgive me?_

Her head tracked slowly towards me, her eyes were slightly glazed but I knew she recognised me. My heart filled with hope as she stared at me in that adorably unfocused way. Slowly she turned her head back to her mother.

"What the _fuck_ is _she_ doing here?"

and my heart broke.

.

.

.

.

_**Your loving author is, as I write, ducking for cover from the, no-doubt incoming, inter-continental ballistic vases...one more OK? one more! No not chapter, loads of them to come.**_


	24. Labelled With Love

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **Er, sorry guys, this is far longer than even I anticipated at about 10,000 words, a record for me (yes OK I have no life at the moment!). You may want to make a nice cup of tea and perhaps think about going to the loo if you're planning to read all the way through. Otherwise, I'd plan a nice break in the middle...ginger nuts are always good for the energy levels, perhaps with a nice Earl Grey.

Oh and C'grats to Fr3nzzy, (again) who recognised the coppers in the last chapter as those two from S4...gold stars and a virtual bottle of JD are winging their way to you my dear (-:

Nearly there...nearly there. Enjoy, (I hope).

* * *

**Chapter 24 – Labelled with Love**

_Emily_

"_What the _fuck_ is _she_ doing here?"_

Her words cut through me like a scalpel, I don't have a reply. My relief at seeing her sat up and conscious, talking to her mum is almost overwhelmed by the sense of rejection that her look and her words cause.

A thousand different answers run through my mind as to why I'm here, but ultimately they all come down to the same one.

'_Because I love you. That's why I'm here, that's why I'll _always_ be here, because I fucking love you, you beautiful, stupid woman you.' _

Before I can open my mouth to say anything Gina's beaten me to it, a look of indignation and anger on her face.

"Naomi, you don't know what you're saying. Emily's been here all night worrying about you, don't be so ungrateful."

"Fuck off mum, just get her the fuck out."

"Naomi?"

She closed her eyes at the sound of my voice; I hated the pathetic pleading sound that I'd just emitted. I wanted, needed, to be stronger than this but at this exact moment it feels like I've been punched in the stomach. I watch helplessly as her long fingers clenched into fists grabbing at the bedding and bunching it in her grasp.

"Naomi, please."

She ignored me, locked me out again. _'Why do I let her do this to me?'_

"Naomi, I'm not leaving until you talk to me."

'_That's better Emily, you be more forceful. Stand up to her, show her that you mean business, show her that you're not going to be driven away by her bullshit.'_

"Fine,"

One word, one simple beautiful word that gave me hope. I stared at her until finally she opened her eyes and looked straight into mine. Her blue eyes looked pale and sad, they didn't burn with the intensity that they usually did. I watched as she blinked, once, twice, three times as if trying to clear her vision. Then she spoke again.

"Fuck off Emily ok? Just fuck off and leave me alone. We're fucking over. Happy now?"

She closed her eyes again and slumped back onto the bed. I could feel my lip start to quiver and I caught Gina's eye. She looked shocked, annoyed; hurt even. Carefully she shook her head at me and smiled gently. Taking courage from the affection in her eyes I decide it's my time to fight.

"Ok Naomi, this time you win, but this isn't over babe, you're not pushing me away. Not again. I'll give you some time, but I'll be back soon."

I walked around the bed, brushed the hair from her forehead and kissed it as tenderly as I could before whispering in her ear.

"I love you; you've got to remember that hun. This _isn't_ over. I read that letter; I know you don't mean it"

Having said my piece, I straightened and walked away. I walked around the bed and hugged Gina before crossing the room to the door, not looking back, trying to be strong. I put my hand on the handle to leave when I heard her call my name.

"Emily."

I paused for a second, bouncing on my toes not looking back; waiting for her to continue.

"It is you know; it's all over. We both know it."

There's a tear in my eye as I open the door and walk out refusing to look back at her, refusing to accept what she had said. I carefully pulled the door closed behind me as I left so there's no way she could think I was slamming it shut and running away...

...because she's wrong and I'm going to prove it to her.

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Jesus this fucking hurts. My head feels like there's a fucking hobbit inside smacking my brain with a great big hammer. This is truly the worst kind of hangover I've ever had, and I've had a few in my time.

The big surprise is waking up and finding myself in a strange bed, there's a clinical, antiseptic smell that I can't identify and I'm feeling like my head is compressed in a vice. Slowly and carefully I open my eyes.

'_Well that didn't fucking help.'_

My eyes don't seem to be working at the moment. I can see - which is good, but I can't get them to focus –which isn't.

Realising that I'm lying down and staring at the ceiling I try to sit up. It's like fighting through a bath of treacle. I'm sending the signals to my body but fuck all is responding. Groaning, I fight my way through the mist and drag myself up. It's not the best plan I've ever had, I'm flooded with nausea as the room spins around me at high speed and my mouth waters. Fuck me I feel sick.

"Naomi, you're awake."

"Mum?"

Dimly I recognise her voice and turn my head in her direction. '_Seriously bad move Naomi'. _As I turn I feel a fresh wave of nausea flood my body and within seconds I'm dry retching.

"Here you go love, let it all out."

I feel something pressed under my chin and realise that she's holding a bag to my mouth. Thankful for the small mercy I allow my body to follow its natural instinct and vomit.

It's painful. I haven't had a proper meal for what feels like days, not really since the one I ate in the pub in London. In fact I've been living on snacks and chocolate bars I've bought from shops as I roamed the streets, in between drinks and bags of crisps in bars and clubs. I'm retching and retching and nothing but bile is coming up. It's burning the back of my throat and making me feel even worse. Eventually I flop back on the bed resigned to allowing the room to spin around me, breathing carefully to stop the nausea.

"Better love?"

Mum's asking me if I'm better whilst she's wiping sick from my lips. _'Jesus who'd be me? Is this what my life has come to? Fucking hell.'_

"Here's some water love, come on sit up and take a sip."

I feel her lift me back into a sitting position, the room is doing its roundabout impression and I feel like falling backwards again. Mum must have known because she's rearranging my pillows to prop me up before holding a plastic cup to my lips. Gratefully I take a sip, then another and then one more.

"I feel like fucking _shit_."

I hear her laugh at that, "You can't be that bad dear if you can swear like that."

I try to laugh, but it hurts far too much.

"Mum don't, please. Have we got any paracetamol?"

"I don't think the Doctor would like it if I gave you that dear."

Doctor..._Doctor_…the word roamed around my fuddled brain for a second trying desperately to connect to something that made sense. It failed miserably, though to be fair I'm not in the least surprised, nothing else seems to be working at the moment.

"Mum, where the fuck am I?"

"You're in hospital dear; you had a bit of an accident last night."

Nope, still nothing.

"What happened?"

She looked at me appraisingly, "Don't you remember dear?"

I shake my head and retch again; I make a note to move more slowly in future. Blinking I bring her into focus. She's looking tired and has sat on the side of the bed her hand on mine.

"You were on a rooftop dear; apparently you fell and hit your head. You were brought in by ambulance last night. You've lost a little blood and the Doctors think you'll have at least a mild concussion."

She held up the bag I'd just thrown up in.

"I think they're right, who'd have thought that Western medicine would be able to make such an accurate prediction."

Ignoring her usual hippy bullshit I realise that's why my brain hurts, why nothing seems to work properly. I've smacked my head - of course, it's all so fucking simple. It all makes sense now, the pain, the nausea a simple concussion. Still got no idea how it happened though.

"What the fuck was I doing on a rooftop mum?"

"No idea love, I was hoping you'd be able to tell me."

I don't think she's telling me the truth, my brain may not be working properly, if at all, but I can work that one out. She never could hold eye contact when she was lying.

"Come on mum, you can tell me, I need to remember."

"No dear, I think you _need_ to rest a little. It'll come back to you when you're ready."

"Mum!" I protest, but my body is fighting me, everything is aching now and I'm struggling to focus on anything let alone talking.

"Just tell me, would you Mum."

"Babe?"

I'm distracted from the debate by _her_ voice; slowly I turn my head, trying desperately not to make myself sick again. I blink a couple of times and try to force my eyes to focus. I get a flash of memory, me a rooftop, her and Effy.

"_I love you Emily, I always have and I always will, remember that."_

Fuck, I remember what I was doing. Sort of.

I still don't know how I got here, don't remember how I hurt my head, but I do remember why I was up there. I can see it all in vivid technicolor. The pain is bursting through my body once more, numbing the mere physical pain of my injuries and all I want is for her to vanish, disappear, get the fuck away from me so I can lie here and sink into my misery once again.

I can't believe my fucking mother has allowed her into this room, allowed her anywhere near me. Slowly I turned my head back to my mum and asked the question I knew would hurt her.

"_What the _fuck_ is _she_ doing here?"_

o+o+o

_Emily_

I've got a plan.

It's pretty much the only thing that's keeping me moving at the moment. I'm not going to let her get away from me again, not after everything we've been through. I've spent years patiently hunting down Naomi Campbell and despite all of the pain and the heartache I know she's still the woman I love; the woman that loves me.

I just _know_ she is. Everything she left for me told me that, told me that I'm not wasting my time.

I've collected the scooter from the car park outside the hospital and I'm heading home, back to ours. For starters I've got a fuck load of cleaning up to do then I've got a little project to complete. She likes music, I know that now; uses it to record her memories. Well if that's the case then I can do the same; I can leave _her_ a playlist to listen to, one that will tell her how _I_ feel.

I feel myself relax as I head through the traffic. Driving does this to me, ever since I got this bike I've found a unique pleasure in just riding around. Part of it is because of our rides together, Naomi holding on to my waist tightly as we drove to college or the shops or we just randomly rode around simply to be in each others company.

The other part is the freedom it gives me. As much as I liked riding with Nai, by far my favourite rides where the ones where I was on my own. I could go where I wanted without anyone telling me what to do. For a submissive almost invisible twin, that level of control is unknown. Naomi never pressured me like Katie did, but when we were together I felt that it was always about _us_. When I drove on my own it was always about _me_.

For the first time in a long time though, this ride is about _her_, and her alone. I'm going home to sort things out with her. If we're going to move forwards from this fucking mess I need to go back to basics. Need to go back to the old Emily, the one that lured her in with looks and touches and invitations to parties and pub quizzes I knew she would never normally attend if it wasn't for me.

I know she still loves me, just like I knew she had always liked me. For years I've been like a moth fluttering around the shining beacon of light that is Naomi Campbell, safe in the knowledge that despite everything she said and everything she did to deny it, she felt the same way about me.

I didn't need her to tell me how long she'd loved me for that night. I just needed her to admit it to herself. I knew, I'd _always_ known, ever since that day when she first spoke to me and probably before even then.

Now all I need her to do is admit to herself that I _can_ love her back, that she's absolutely and totally worthy of my love. I've got to convince her of that, only then can we move on. I get it now, I really do.

Distracted by my thoughts, I've been running on autopilot and before I know it I'm pulling the scooter off the road in front of our home and parking it in its usual spot.

Back where it and I belong.

Shoving the key into the door I'm confronted by the remarkable sight of not only a clean and tidy home; but Katie, stretched out on the sofa with her head in Effy's lap fast asleep.

"Hey," I say quietly to Effy as she raises an eyebrow at my entrance. It's a lame greeting but then I'm not really in the mood for small talk.

"Naomi ok now? You two had a chance to talk?"

I shake my head and whisper back, "She told me to fuck off. Guess I deserved it after the other night. Bringing up Sophia wasn't the smartest thing to do."

She looked at me sadly, "Emily, you do know why she's so angry don't you?"

"Gina told me," I replied nodding and slumping onto the floor, "she's got it into her head that you and I are shagging each other, that's what sparked all this off anyway."

"Yeah well, Emily there's something you need to know..."

I look up at her expectantly only for her to be interrupted by a newly awoken Katie.

"Fucks sake Emsy, when did you get home?"

Christ she can be bitchy when she wakes up. I definitely haven't missed that over the last few months of living here, seems like for the last seven years of our life she's woken up in a bad mood.

"Just now Katie," I snap back, "nice to fucking see you too." In typical Katie Fitch style she totally ignores my sarcasm.

"How's Naomi? You two sorted yet?"

I sigh, here we go again. "No Katie, we're not sorted, she won't speak to me."

Katie sat up and stared at me, the little vein in her temple started pulsing away. Not a good sign.

"Have you tried speaking to her yet? Have you even seen her?"

"Fucks sake Katie; yes I've seen her, yes I've tried speaking to her." Damn she can be infuriating sometimes.

"and?"

"and nothing, she told me to fuck off, told me we're over."

Jesus, she's gone bright red. I don't think I've seen her this angry since I spilt coke all over her favourite outfit as she was heading out to see Danny. She's off the sofa in a second and throwing a fit.

"I will _fucking_ kill the stupid fucking _bitch_, who the _fuck_ does she think she is?"

"Kay, calm down."

"No Eff I will not calm the fuck down. Selfish fucking lezzer bitch. Stopped her? We should have pushed her off the fucking ledge and good fucking riddance."

"What the fuck does that mean Katie?"

Like seriously sis, what the fuck are you saying? None of this makes any sense. Katie just throws her hands up and storms into the kitchen. I look across as a dumbfounded Effy who's just watching her leave.

"Eff, what did she mean 'stopped her'?"

Effy stared into my eyes as if trying to see what I was thinking; as I stared back she blinked once, slowly and then shook her head.

"Ignore her Emily, she's just angry."

"Nope, not buying that Effy, I know my sister, when she's pissed off like this; well, this is the time when I know I'm going to get the truth out of her."

Another sigh, then she met my eyes once more.

"This isn't the way I would have wanted to tell you Emily, remember that ok? Katie and I found Naomi on the roof exactly where you said she'd be. She was sitting on the ledge and when she saw us she stood up and went off on one."

"..and?"

"and I was scared she was actually going to jump so I dragged her back, that's how she hit her head."

Her words hit me like a slap across the cheek, everything fell into place...everything.

"I thought she wasn't just asking for help, Gina said she would just be waiting for me, said it was all bullshit. I was worried, I didn't think she was right but...fucking hell Eff, are you saying she tried to jump?"

"Emily, I don't think she was going to do it. She must have been there for fucking ages. If she was going to jump I think she would have done it long before we got there. Suicides don't usually want an audience, I should know."

She held out her arms to me, I could see the white tissue where her wounds had finally healed, externally anyway. I remembered Katie telling me how she'd locked herself in the toilet and cut herself when she thought no-one was around. How close it had been for her. How close had it been for Nai?

"But trust me Emily, I couldn't take the risk. I wasn't sure. I never meant to hurt her. Please don't be angry. I never meant for her to end up in hospital."

I watch as a tear rolls down her porcelain cheek; she looks really upset that I could be angry at her. I crawl over and hug her tightly. Hurt her? Hurt Naomi? She had probably just saved her life. How the fuck do you thank someone that has just saved the life of your one true love? I guess you start with the basics.

"Shut up Effy, she's fine thanks to you. How could I be angry? Thank you...Jesus thank you just doesn't..."

I'm interrupted by a fresh bout of swearing from the kitchen and the fact that Effy suddenly stiffens as hurricane Katie blows through the living room and out through the front door. Within seconds she's kissed me on the head and is up and following her, leaving me sat on the floor.

"Shit!"

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Two and a half hours, one dose of painkillers and a light breakfast later I'm feeling slightly better. My head still feels like it's two sizes too small for my brain and there's still some hobbit with a hammer pounding away on the inside, but it's more dulled that before, the confusion is receding and it's now bearable; just about anyway.

The breakfast managed to stay down for about ten minutes before I was moved and the nausea brought it back up again. In my defence I did apologise to the nurse who's scrubs I'd just thrown up over but surely she didn't need to move me about that rapidly.

I've been pestered by what feels like the entire medical staff today. I've been poked and prodded. I've had my head felt by three different people, listened to discussions about taking blood samples, more X-rays and their latest genius fucking idea is a fucking CAT scan.

Frankly I'm sick and fucking tired of being the main spectacle in this medical freak show and all I want to do is go home, be left alone and fucking sleep until the headaches stop.

The only good thing about all of these visits is that my mother has to shut up during each and every one. She's been on at me almost constantly since my little outburst. For some strange fucking reason she seems to think that Emily can do, and has done no wrong.

There's a fucking joke.

Thankfully this time mum has wandered off following the junior doctor that's been looking after me. She's discussing letting me go home and wanted to find out how mum planned to look after me during the week long convalescence she keeps saying is necessary. I dread to think what 'alternative' treatments mum may be talking to her about, I just hope that they allow me out of here and not lock me up for my own safety.

Still for the first, glorious, moment since I woke up I'm left alone with no-one to bother me.

Then I hear the door open, _'fucking great, here we go again'._

I open my eyes and catch a flash of red hair, quickly I close them again.

"I thought I made myself clear Emily, Fuck off!"

"Fuck you Campbell!" a voice that's harsh and has a slight lisp, definitely not Emily this time then.

"Kay, calm down." I open my eyes to see Effy holding back the fuming twin in front of her.

"What the fuck are _you_ doing here?" I shout eyes locked on the object of my contempt, ignoring the redhead she's holding.

"You ungrateful fucking bitch Campbell…let go of me Eff, I'll fucking kill her, that's what she fucking wants isn't it?"

"Katie, calm down ok, you promised me you wouldn't do this."

"She fucking deserves it Eff, stupid fucking bitch."

Oh great, so the toxic twin hates me again…sooner I can get out of this fucking town and away from those two the better it'll be for me; put this miserable fucking life behind me and make a fresh start.

"You're hurting my sister again bitch. I fucking warned you what would happen if you did that."

"Like she fucking cares Katie." I reply calmly, "Save your pathetic threats and grow the fuck up. Emily and I are over. We were over the moment she started fucking _her_"

I try to point towards Effy, but my hand feels like a lead weight.

"Grow up? You're telling _me_ to grow up? Fuck you Campbell, we should have let you fucking jump."

"KATIE!"

I don't think she's listening; Katie's face is as red as her hair, which is fucking impressive actually. I watch as she digs in her bag and then throws my phone across the bed at me. It misses my head, but hits my pillows and bounces down to the foot of the bed.

"There, I charged your fucking phone bitch; perhaps you should fucking listen to it before you tell me my sister doesn't fucking care."

She hovered over my bed, her eyes flashing.

"and for your information Campbell; Emily _hasn't_ been fucking Effy..."

I can't help but laugh at that, I'm hit with a fresh paroxysm of pain as it jolts my head. Katie ignores my laugh and just pushes her face directly into mine.

"…the only person fucking Effy at the moment, you self righteous bitch, is me!"

With that bombshell well and truly dropped she glared at me once more before being dragged away by Effy and I'm left alone again, reeling from the aftermath of the blast.

o+o+o

_Emily_

Well that's my plan finished, in my hand I hold a simple piece of metal and plastic. A small device that I hope holds everything I feel about her, a little piece of my heart packaged in a format she might understand. Carefully I place it in the envelope next to the letter I wrote and seal it up.

Half an hour later and I'm stood outside Kieran's flat waiting for an answer. I'm not waiting long because I see his figure shuffling down the short hallway through the mottled glass.

"Why hello Miss Fitch," he greeted me cheerily as he opened the door. "They're not back from hospital yet I'm afraid. Gina's just rung to say they've got to wait for the consultant to sign them out. That could be fucking ages so it could. Come in and wait, I'll put the kettle on. I've got to wait for her to call me to come and get them. I might as well have company whilst I'm waiting. It's not like I can grab a beer or a spliff if I've got to drive to a hospital now is it?"

I don't know whether to smile or laugh, he's a walking cliché, the scruffy rebel-turned-reluctant authority figure; but like his girlfriend I think he's a nice cliché. When he's not being my form teacher that is, or trying to convince my girlfriend to go to fucking Yale...like that was ever going to happen.

"That's ok Kieran, I can't stop. Naomi doesn't want to see me at the moment. Could you make sure she gets this?"

I hold out the envelope that contains a little piece of my heart.

"It's important."

He smiled at me as he took the plain white envelope with one word written on it.

"I understand Miss Fitch; you can trust me with this. I'll put it on the bed now so she can see it as soon as she gets here. Do you want me to say anything to her about it?"

I shake my head, "That's ok Kieran, everything's in there. As long as she gets it, that's all that matters."

"I'm sure everything will be ok Emily," he said as I walked away.

"I know."

o+o+o

_Naomi_

I'm kind of scared to look at my phone. The way Katie went off at me she's probably booby trapped it to explode a soon as I touch it.

I've never really been scared of Katie, I've always found her a bit pathetic when she starts screaming and throwing a fit; but after today I can understand why people find her a little bit intimidating.

At the moment I'm not sure what the fuck is going on, she comes in here screaming her lungs out and then confesses to fucking Effy. Effy's little wink as she left hasn't fucking helped either.

If it wasn't for the phone that's currently lying on the bed I'd be convinced I'd dreamed the whole fucking incident, put it down to a hallucination caused by this head injury. Perhaps it was, perhaps Emily left the phone here when she left.

"You had visitors."

I close my eyes and flop back into my pillows, mums back and probably going to give me another lecture.

"You heard."

"I think everyone on the ward heard love, she's very feisty young Katherine. I do like her, she's so refreshingly vocal."

"Please mum, don't make me laugh, it fucking hurts."

"She's right you know, Katherine that is. You are hurting Emily."

"Yeah well she hurt me."

"Is that an excuse for what you just did love? I thought I'd brought you up better than that, I thought you knew better."

I could smell her perfume as she stepped closer to the bed, felt the compression as she sat on the mattress and held my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"She still loves you, you know. She's been worried sick about you ever since you left. She hasn't left your side since you got here. Sat out there by the lifts most of the evening; annoying the staff because they wouldn't let her in to see you."

I opened my eyes and looked into hers,

"What does it matter mum, what does anything matter? I'm sick of all. All we seem do is hurt each other. I'm better off the way I was, hidden away where no-one could hurt me."

"Grow up Naomi; life isn't a bed of roses you know. We're always being hurt in one way or another, the secret is to work through the hurt and enjoy the moments in between. You've got to allow yourself to be in love. It's the only thing that makes it all worthwhile.

Besides, I know you, I know you never could hide from Emily; you should have tried love; you really should have tried harder."

"I did mum, I fucking did, I fucking tried didn't I and it still went to shit."

I had as well, I went after her, told her how I felt, tried to do everything that I could to let her know how much I loved her, every fucking day we had together since that night.

"No dear you didn't! You allowed yourself to love, but you never allowed yourself to _be_ loved did you? You always doubted Emily, always looked for reasons to doubt yourself."

She pressed my phone into my hand. "Katherine is right dear, you really should listen to what's on here before you make any more stupid decisions. Now I'm going to chase down the consultant and see if we can't get you home."

Mum looked around towards the door, "I bet the rest of the patients will hate to see you go. Having Katie visit must have been better than television. Very entertaining."

o+o+o

I can't tell you how many messages I've listened to, how many times I've heard her say she was sorry. How many explanations I've listened to telling me why she was so angry that night, why she reacted to my tantrum the way she did; begging me to forgive her, begging me to come home.

Jesus she just didn't give up did she?

'_Naomi, I hope you get this, hope you understand that I'm sat here listening to your playlist and I want you to know I don't want to hurt you, I've never wanted to hurt you.'_

So she's listened to it, I assumed she got it, understood it all. She'd managed to find me after all, managed to hurt me when she did.

Or did she?

I'm fucking confused now and the drugs I've been given aren't helping. Katie's wrecked my head; the medication has wrecked my head. If Katie, not Emily, is fucking Effy then the foundation of my rage has just fucking crumbled taking everything with it.

If it was Katie, not Emily, then I've been a bigger twat than I've ever been before and mum's right. But I'd _seen_ her, seen them together. Saw her come out of that fucking shop and kiss her. There was no mistaking her then.

I know Emily, I know every line, every crease of her body. I can't be wrong; everything is, was clear, clear to me. Or was it?

"Fuck you Katie!"

"She's not here love. It's only me."

Jesus, I didn't know she was here, hadn't heard her come in, too caught up listening to my answering machine, reading my texts.

"Come on Naomi, it's time to go. They've agreed to let us take you home."

"We're going to Kieran's mum yeah?"

"Yes love, we're going to Kieran's. Why, do you want to go somewhere else?"

The question is there, subtly placed into the open. The truth is I do and I don't. I'm so fucking confused now it's painful, almost as painful as the throb in my skull.

"No mum," I replied eventually, making my decision, "let's go home."

o+o+o

There are embarrassing things that we all have to go through in our lives. Your first day a school, your first kiss, your first date, you're first sexual encounter. All of them pale into insignificance in my eyes to being dressed and then wheeled through the corridors of Bristol Royal Infirmary by my hippy mother.

Seriously, she has no fucking shame.

I'm desperately trying to hide. I don't want to be pushed around in a fucking wheelchair but the medical staff have insisted that I'm not fit to walk on my own.

'_straight to bed when you get home Miss Campbell and rest. You need lots of sleep, bed rest and no stress. Please tell your friend that she shouldn't upset you again'_

Fucking easy for her to say. Like Katie Fitch is going to pay attention to anything I tell her.

Mum seems insistent on speaking to everyone that we pass and that's what's most embarrassing. She seems incapable of understanding I want to get this humiliation over and done with and just hide away. The only respite to this torture is that every time she pauses to chat with a random stranger my head stops protesting at the movement.

Thankfully it's almost over and I can climb out of this contraption and get into Kieran's car. Not that his car is any less embarrassing, but at least he can open the fucking door without kicking it this time.

"Are you all right there Naomi?" he greets me cheerily.

I look at the wheelchair I'm sat in and then at my smiling mother who's waving at a passing nurse, presumably one she met last night.

"What do you think Kieran?"

"Ah well, let's get you into the car then and get you home. Gina tells me that you've been prescribed bed rest."

"Yeah," I say lifting myself out of the chair before my mum could do her nurse impression, "fucking great isn't it?"

Though I must admit, I've heard of worse things to be prescribed.

o+o+o

_Emily_

Home again, back from Gina's and feeling happier than I have in hours. Stage one of my plan is well and truly in place, all I can do now is sit back and wait for things to happen before I can begin stage two.

As I walk into the house I'm confronted by Effy and Katie stood in the living room. Katie's got a sheepish look on her face and won't make eye contact with me as I say hello.

"Emily, we need to talk, but first Katie's got something to say to you."

'_Oh shit what the fuck has she done this time?'_

"Emsy I'm sorry ok? I only did it because I love you."

I sit in the chair in the corner and put my head in my hands, "What Katie, what have you done this time?

"I went to see Naomi."

"We, Katie, _we_ went to see Naomi."

"No Eff, _I_ went to see her, _you_ just followed me."

I should have seen this coming, should have guessed that she would do something like this after storming out earlier. I kick myself for being distracted, for not recognising the danger signs.

"What did you do to her Katie? If you've hurt her I'll never fucking forgive you."

"I didn't touch her." She shouted defensively, too defensively. _'Jesus'_

"She didn't touch her Emily," Effy added noticing my look, "she may have shouted at her a bit though. Katie made a bit of a scene; I don't think the medical staff were very happy."

"Fuck them, she deserved it. She needed someone to fucking tell her what was what."

"You've thrown a fit at Naomi when she's lying in a hospital bed. Fucks sake Katie what were you thinking? She's got fucking concussion; you of all people should know what that's like."

She at least managed to look guilty at that, probably a first.

"I gave her her phone back as well."

"Katie." Effy's voice sounded disapproving.

"Ok I may have thrown her phone at her, but I didn't hit her!" she added quickly.

"You threw her phone at her?" she nodded, "The one with all my messages on?" she nodded again. "Fucks sake Katie."

"Hey, I told her to listen to them before telling me that you didn't care, I was trying to help you work things out."

"Not helping Katie, not helping at all. What the fuck else did you do?"

She swapped glances with Effy who just nodded silently.

"I may have told her that Effy and I are screwing each other."

"You did WHAT?"

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Home, well not really but a passing imitation of home anyway. Somewhere with family and a place to rest, for now it'll do. At least the nausea is passing now. I managed to get up the stairs to the flat all on my own without falling or puking which is a distinct improvement on this morning's exploits.

Going to the bathroom with concussion is not a pleasant experience; however the alternative is far, far worse.

Mum is still fussing around me though, which isn't making my temper any better. I don't do ill…ever.

After being told by mum and Kieran that I'm being stupid and only making things worse I graciously allow them to move me from the sofa into the spare room. Pushing away mums attempts to help me I pull off my clothes and lie down.

"Thought you might want this Naomi." Keiran says wandering into the bedroom holding a plastic washing up bowl. "I'll put it here, just in case."

He placed it on the floor near the top of the bed. '_Great, let's humour the invalid!'_

"Makes a nice change for it to be somewhere new."

He flushed slightly at mums comment and wandered out avoiding her knowing gaze.

"Likes a drink does Kieran, can't always handle it though. That's usually sat near his head 'just in case'."

Smiling at the memory she stood up, "I'll let you get some rest love," she said, "I'll bring you some food in once you've had a nap."

"Mum…could you stay with me for a bit?"

"Course I can dear."

o+o+o

_Emily_

"Why Katie, why the fuck would you tell her that? Jesus."

She looked up at me hurt in her eyes.

"Because she thought Effy was fucking _you_."

"I fucking know that Katie, but why would you lie to her like that. Fucking hell that's just going to make it worse."

What planet is she living on? What on earth was she thinking? What possible reason would she have to say something so fucking stupid. I thought she'd grown out of this kind of thing. I glared at her, waiting for her reply; waiting for her to explain herself. Instead she just looked at Effy who shrugged in reply.

"Emily, has Naomi not talked to you about it?"

"Fucks sake Katie I told you she doesn't want to talk to me about anything. She just told me to fuck off and leave her alone. We haven't talked about anything."

"Oh."

"What Katie?"

"Emsy, I told her because it's true, well sort of. Remember my big date, with Andy from Tesco's?"

I watch in astonishment as she reached out and took Effy's hand.

"Emily, meet Andy from Tesco's."

o+o+o

_Naomi_

I don't remember falling asleep, but I'm woken up by my mum walking into my room carrying a tray with a bowl on it.

"Evening love I thought you might want some soup."

Food; sounds good and soup sounds easy to eat as well. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it down this time.

"Feeling any better?"

"Not really, it feels like someone has attached a strap around my head and is steadily tightening it."

She smiled, "well it's only another hour and you can take your next batch of painkillers. Have your soup dear, you'll feel better with something warm inside you."

Where was this woman when I was growing up? Why has it taken until I'm nearly an adult for my real mother to show herself?

"Thanks mum," I reply as she helps me to sit up and places the tray on my lap.

"That's alright dear, now remember to eat slowly it'll help you keep it down."

She's nearly right, eating slowly is helping me keep the food down, for the moment at least. But it's not making me feel any better, warm or otherwise. Roll on the next batch of painkillers. Finishing the last mouthful of soup and moving the glass of water onto my nightstand I push the tray to my side and sit back.

Within seconds mums smiling face is peeping round the door.

"fucking hell mum, did you just stand there waiting for me to finish?"

"No dear, I guessed from the swearing that you'd finished."

I could feel my face flush involuntarily. I hadn't even been aware I was swearing as I moved the tray.

"Do you want me to take that away?"

I nodded and she bustled in and picked up the tray, grabbing quickly at the spoon as it tried to fall from the bowl onto the bed.

"What's in the envelope love?"

I looked at her blankly.

"The envelope on the bed dear, it's addressed to you isn't it."

Carefully I turned my head to the right and saw what she was on about. A small white envelope with my name on the front. I recognised the handwriting immediately, down to the little 'x' she always used to dot the 'i' of my name.

"It's from Emily mum, as you probably know."

Ok, so it's a bit pissy but I hate being set-up like this.

"Sorry love, I know nothing about it. KIERAN!"

I think I could have happily died there and then, as every nerve in my body screamed in pain as I jumped at her yell.

"Sorry dear," she said seeing the expression on my face. Kieran wandered into the room and stood nervously in the doorway.

"That letter Kieran, do you know something about it."

He shuffled uncomfortably on the spot.

"Ah, yes, well. Miss Fitch delivered it this afternoon, wanted to make sure Naomi here got it."

"So why didn't you mention it you daft Irish twat?"

"I put it on the pillow, thought she was sure to see it."

Mum took a deep breath, obviously winding up to give him a piece of her mind.

"It's ok Kieran, it's my fault. I didn't see it," I interrupted her before she let rip. He looked at me gratefully as mum quietly let out her breath.

"Mum, can you get me those painkillers. I think I need to see what she wants."

o+o+o

_Emily_

I'm kind of stunned.

Actually I'm more than stunned, I'm kind of brain numbed. My sister, the dyke hating homophobe is sat on the sofa, holding hands with the college bike.

OK perhaps that's a little hard on both of them, but _fucking hell _talk about unexpected turns of events.

Katie and Effy.

The mind boggles, though it does explain a lot. I've never known Katie be secretive about a date before and they have been spending a lot of time together. When I think back it makes a lot of sense, I can replay all the looks, the light touches, the casual, familiar behaviour between them.

Reminds me a lot of me and Naomi.

"We didn't want you to find out like this Emsy, we wanted to keep it a secret until we were sure."

"So why did you tell Naomi Katie?"

She didn't answer; instead, Effy spoke for the first time since their confession.

"Because she saw us Emily. The morning you went to see her at Gina's she must have come here first thing, that's why you missed her. She came to the door and saw us on the sofa. I think that's what pushed her over the edge."

"I don't understand Eff."

She looked across at Katie who just blushed, two seconds later our faces are matching. The proverbial penny has just dropped; um awkward!

"So all this jealousy thing, you think it's because of that? Sorry Eff, that doesn't work. We'd already argued; she'd already left by then remember?"

"No Emily I don't think that, I just think that it was the final straw. I can only assume that she's seen me and Katie together somewhere before, I know she walked in on us in your room that time, you know? When you slept in the spare room, when me and Katie were..."

"a fucking mess?" Katie supplied for her. Effy smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, when we were a fucking mess."

"Because of the police finding Freddie?" I ask and then wince at my stupidity. Way to go Emily, twist that knife in that healing wound.

"Not just because of that Ems," Kate replied. "To tell the truth Effy kissed me that morning and I freaked out; but before we could fix it Karen rang and everything went to shit."

'_Yeah, life's like that isn't it.'_

"So she saw you in bed that morning...Jesus you weren't fucking in our bed were you?"

Shock rippled across both their faces.

"OK I get it, you didn't...sorry. So she saw you together, so what. She's seen you sleep together before."

"Emily, we were in your bed. I think she must have thought Katie was you."

"But we don't even look alike." I protested.

"I told her that, I dress better for one."

"Not helping Kay."

"But Effy, we _don't_ look alike."

She smiled at me and held up Katie's hair, running it through her fingers.

"You look pretty similar though Em, at a glance now you two can be hard to tell apart."

I put my hand to my hair and lifted it, looking at it as if for the first time. I suddenly had a flashback to Naomi sitting on the floor here with Katie, how much I'd been reminded of people talking about the similarities between us. How even _I'd_ thought that if we dyed our hair the same we might look like each other. I looked up at Effy who'd let her arm fall around Katie's shoulders.

"Fuck."

She smiled sadly.

"Yeah, I know. I'm pretty sure there should be a law against twins having the same hair colour."

o+o+o

_Naomi._

It's kind of funny, I managed to drift off to sleep again, listening to mum bollock Kieran about not mentioning Emily's envelope. I guess it was the warm soup that did it, my excuse anyway.

When I woke up the house was quiet, a glance at the clock by the side of the bed told me it was getting late, 11:43 beamed back at me, the colon between the numbers flashing the seconds. I found I was holding the envelope from Ems in my hand still.

11:47

Fuck, five minutes gone like that, and all I'd done was think about her fucking envelope. I hadn't counted on all the other memories coming through, including the last time she'd left a note on my bed. '_Fucks sake, what's wrong with me?'_

I knew the answer...nothing. There was nothing wrong with me; thinking about her is a normal state of mind for me.

I hadn't opened the envelope earlier, I'd like to say it was because it was private, that I didn't want Kieran or mum to be there when I did.

I'd like to say that but I can't because it would be a fucking lie.

I didn't open it because I was scared, as usual.

But lying here in the dim light of the alarm clock I decide to be brave. Gingerly stretching out my arm I press the switch for the bedside lamp and wince as the room is filled with a warm orange light.

There's a note by the clock with a glass and two tablets. I ease myself up into a sitting position and grab it; it's from mum...naturally.

'_Take two and call me in the morning (-:_

_Mum_

_PS, not before midnight though, you can't take another dose until midnight. Shout if you need anything'_

I looked at the clock, fuck it, a couple of minutes can't hurt and I want to be able to focus on what she's sent me. I might need the painkillers to ease the pain of the broken heart I suspect might be coming.

I know I ended it, but that was before Katie let rip and now I'm not sure about anything anymore.

I knock back the far-too-large painkillers and settle back onto the bed. With embarrassingly shaky hands I carefully peel back the flap and reach inside. I'm surprised to find an iPod in there. One of the tiny ones with no screen; carefully wrapped in a set of headphones. I know it's hers, could tell by the scrapes and chips. She said it was one of the last joint-birthday presents her parents bought for her and Katie, she'd claimed it because Katie had convinced her dad to buy her a trendy new one for Christmas.

Emily said she didn't care what it looked like as long as her music was on it and not Katie's...she's like that. She doesn't care what you look like as long as you're hers.

I slide the note out of the envelope and stare at her crisp, curly writing. It's not a long note but I can't stop reading it.

'_Nai,_

_You left me a letter and a playlist. I know you addressed the letter to Gina, but we both know who it was meant for. There are a few things that you have to know. _

_The first and most important is that __I LOVE YOU__, now stop questioning it and for once just accept it. I Love You, simple as that._

_Second is I'm sorry. Sorry that we argued, that I wound myself up that night. I'm sorry I hit you. It's not like me and I've regretted it every fucking second since it happened. Most of all I'm sorry I ever, EVER mentioned __her__. You were right to have a go at me, I've hardly been blameless during our relationship and you've never once used what happened with JJ in anger against me. I guess despite what you think, you __are__ the better girlfriend out of the two of us._

_I'm sorry babe, I really am. I can't tell you how much, but I really want to, you just have to give me a chance._

_Thirdly, there isn't, never has and never will be anything going on between me and Effy. I'm sorry I never mentioned the shopping trip to you. I think I was scared of how you would react, knowing what you thought. Stupidly I didn't realise that it would be worse if you found out the way you did. I'm an idiot, a total fucking idiot but please believe me there is nothing between us. I know after Mandy that's going to be difficult for you to believe but it's true._

_Why would I even look at Effy when I have you back in my life?_

_Finally, I don't believe you. I don't believe it when you say we're over, because I __listened__ to your music and I __read__ your letter. I know there's still love there. Fuck babe if there wasn't why did you call me that night and tell me you missed me? Why did you leave me a note that told me where to find you? I tried to get to you hun, but I was too late. I guess I'm always too fucking late, but not anymore._

_I know now how much music means to you, what you do with it. I'd never thought about it in that way before. But now I know here's a playlist for you. Love it or hate it, it doesn't matter. I need you to know how much I love you and if the only way I can do that is through tracks that mean so much to me then so be it._

_Listen to the music Naomi, don't hide in the shadows and ignore it. Listen to it because I tell you this, I am not prepared to give up on what we had, what I know we still have._

_I'm coming to get you back Naomi Campbell because in case you've forgotten I LOVE YOU!_

_Like your answer phone message says, I'm __YOUR__ Emily – always.'_

Like I say, I couldn't stop reading it, to be a total fucking cliché and steal a line from a movie, she had me at that first 'I love you' and then only because it was the first thing my tired eyes focussed on. She was right, I had missed her, did miss her. I'd had to grab hold of my fury really tightly keep the memories or red and brown in the forefront of my mind. Now, thanks to Katie, that grip was lost. For the first time in days the doubts outweighed the anger, outweighed the fear.

Carefully I unwrapped the headphones and placed the little speakers into my ears. Pulling at the pillows I lay back, made myself comfortable and pressed the play button. She'd left me a playlist, told me it was about how she felt, told me she'd done it because I'd done the same and told me to listen to it. How can you ignore a challenge like that?

The first track is mellow, soft and melodic. I can't help but close my eyes and drift off to the voice that's singing.

'_Chances, changes are all that you have. As you take the hard stuff and lie on your back. The smoothness, strangeness. Fits like a glove. But the comfort of tease still rises above_

_I love you,_

_I love you,_

_I love you._

_But is it possible, possible, possible babe?_

_Is it possible for you and me?'_

I've no idea who this is, the voice reminds me a little of hers, it's deep and rich and it relaxes me, especially that chorus; telling me the words that I want and need to hear. I can feel the throb in my head fading. It might be the painkillers kicking in, but I like to think it's not.

'_You're the night to my day, and the left to my right._

_The blood to my veins, and the dark to my light._

_The stop to my start, and the constant beat in my heart_

_The sun to my moon, and the stars in my sky. _

_The hot to my cold, and the black to my white_

_The rain to my thunderclouds, and the truth to my lies_

_So tell me what you what to see. Coz everything I want to be_

_Is there in your reflection. Shinning out right back at me_

_So love me in perfect symmetry, be my everything. If you just love me in perfect symmetry; only you can make me feel complete.'_

I can't help but smile at her next choice. I remember the first time we heard this track like it was yesterday. We were totally monged at a party, fuck knows where; one of Katie's mates I think.

"_I fucking love this song,"_ she'd shouted at me over the sound of people and music, the 'E' she'd taken flooding through her system, _"This is you Nai, this song is you and me!"_

"_Through tracks that mean so much to me"_ that's what she'd written in that letter; maybe she really meant it.

'_Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air, I know I can count on you._

_Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care" but you've got the love I need to see me through._

_Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough, and things go wrong no matter what I do. Now and then it seems that life is just too much, but you've got the love I need to see me through.'_

'God I wish it were true Ems, I _so_ wish it were true.'

'_Feels like fire. I'm so in love with you._

_Dreams are like angels, they keep bad at bay_

_Love is the light, scaring darkness away_

_I'm so in love with you, purge the soul_

_Make love your goal._

_The power of love, a force from above, cleaning my soul_

_Flame on burn desire, love with tongues of fire, purge the soul_

_Make love your goal._

_I'll protect you from the hooded claw. Keep the vampires from your door_

_When the chips are down I'll be around. With my undying, death-defying love for you_

_Envy will hurt itself, let yourself be beautiful, sparkling love, flowers and pearls and pretty girls. Love is like an energy, rushing in, rushing inside of me.'_

I love that song, love it. I never for one second thought that she even knew of its existence. It was a number one long before we were born. I'd come across it on an 80's compilation album and loved it from the first moment I heard it. Never put it on my playlist though, never felt worthy of the sentiments they sang about.

I'm crying as I think about it though, 'death-defying love for you' that's what I'd accepted that night in that shed.

'_Until the moment last breath is taken from my body, and if there is an afterlife into that as well, my heart will have room for only one person Emily Fitch, and it's you. It has always been so, will always be so.'_

Why do I have to screw things up all the fucking time? Why can't I just let myself be happy? Why do I have to self-destruct?

'_So will you take just a little of my mind and subtract it from my soul_

_Add a fraction of your half and you'll see it makes me whole_

_Multiply it by the times that we've never been apart_

_You'll see nothing can divide just a heart plus a heart'_

There's more on here, more than I can contemplate, every single track a demonstration, an outpouring of love. If she wanted to show me anymore of her heart she'd have had to rip open her chest and show me the muscle beating away.

I get it, I really do and I love her all the more for finally finding a way to show me how fucking wrong I've been.

I can feel my eyes getting heavier, a shitty fucking side effect of the painkillers I was prescribed I guess. I want to keep on listening, to go through all of the tracks she's put into this piece of plastic and metal. Bury myself in the hope that maybe, just maybe we can work things out. That Katie's accidental slip in her fit of rage wasn't wasted. That I could at least talk to her; tell her that I'm sorry for being a bitch. For _always_ being a scared, paranoid, pathetic, childish fucking bitch.

But it's no good, as my brain begins to fade out the reality I'm surrounded by, the last thing I can focus on are the dying words of one of the most beautiful songs I think I've ever heard.

'_Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling. Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand? Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame? _

_I believe it's meant to be, darling. I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me _

_Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming. Or is this burning an eternal flame? _

_Say my name, sun shines through the rain. A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain._

_I don't want to lose this feeling.'_

Neither do I; neither, do, I...

o+o+o

I don't know what it is that woke me up. I was dead to the world and then, in the time it takes to open my eyes, I'm wide awake. The clock on the side that I find myself staring at reads 10:45. It's late morning and my head is pounding. I see another note and another two tablets on the stand and gratefully I grab them and push them into my parched mouth.

To my surprise and pleasure the glass of water exactly where I left it last night. I grab it and closing my eyes again in pain I twist myself round in order to sit up and take a sip.

I don't feel as bad as yesterday, but it's still pretty fucking awful inside my head right now, the hobbit with a hammer has upgraded to a pneumatic drill and brought along a few of his friends to join in the hammering party. Every part of my skull feels like it is being attacked. _'Damn I need these.'_

Swallowing the tablets I let out a loud sigh and open my eyes once more. There's a familiar figure stood at the foot of my bed.

"Emily," I manage to say through lips that are still far too dry to cope with talking.

"Naomi, shut up, you've had your chance, now it's my turn to fucking talk."

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

**A/N - **Oh gods I'm so sorry, that one seriously got away from me but I promised you one more and that's what I intended to do. The next one will be shorter I promise.

And yes, I'll try and update it soon. I know you want to hear what Emily's got to say...patience guys, patience.


	25. Sleeping Beauty

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **This one's for Mari, for always believing and for Ladyhawk1709 for allowing me the honour of using her review of Ch18 to give Effy one of her best lines in this miserable little tale back in the last chapter.

Enjoy ladies, you rock, thank you.

The rest of you can enjoy it as well if you like, though you don't have to…it's not compulsory...actually...YES IT IS, ENJOY IT DAMMIT!

Sorry, it's the strain...I'll be ok after I manage to sleep (-;

**Chapter 25 – Sleeping Beauty**

_Emily_

'_You can do this Emily'_

I close my eyes and let out a long breath as I knock, once again, on the door to Kieran and Gina's flat. It's ten past nine and I've been up since six rehearsing the lines that have been running through my head all night, destroying my chances of a proper sleep.

I've said the same, carefully thought out words over and over until I'm line perfect. Everything I need to say is there, everything I need to win her back, to convince her that we _can_ be together if we just try.

I open my eyes as the door is opened and a familiar blonde head appears.

"Emily love, it's good to see you. Come on in."

Before I know it she's grabbed my hand, dragged me into the hallway and wrapped me in a hug.

"I take it you're not here to visit me and Mr Grumpy in there?"

I shake my head, "As much as I love seeing you Gina, no. I'm sorry, Naomi's the person I came here to see today."

"She was still a bit groggy last night dear; I looked in on her when I got up and she was fast asleep. Can you wait for a bit? She's supposed to be resting and I don't want to wake her; it's better if she wakes naturally. I'm due to check on her again in about ten minutes. Is that ok?"

I can't help but smile, it's funny really. Naomi never, ever, mentioned her mum being this, well 'nursey.' She must be absolutely hating it. The last time she was ill and I stayed over to look after her she ended up yelling at me for 'fussing'. She apologised almost immediately I have to admit, _"I don't do ill Ems,"_ was her excuse for the temper tantrum. Though for someone that 'doesn't do ill' she was actually a terribly demanding patient.

Though I do wonder if that was just an excuse to have me cuddle up in bed with her and mop her brow.

"I can wait Gina; I don't want to wake her either. Should I stay here and guard the front door or do I need to make sure the windows in her room are locked first?"

She simply gave me a quizzical look. "In case she tries to escape when she hears my voice."

She chuckled, "Well the windows in there are open at the moment love, so I think you'll just have to be quiet if you don't want her to run. Can you be quiet Emily dear?"

"Oh yeah, I can be as quiet as a dormouse Gina." My lips switch at the memory, _'usually when I'm asleep'_.

"Really?" even in her low voice the surprise was obvious.

"Well now love I'm sure that I still have some memories of the old house that, well, shall we say dispute that claim Emily dear."

"_Gina!_" I splutter, now totally embarrassed.

"Shhhh Emily, you'll wake her." Smiling at my blushes she led me through into the small living room where Kieran was stood on the tiny balcony smoking.

"Oh, hello Miss Fitch, cup of tea perhaps?"

I nod, "Thanks Kieran."

"No problem at all little missy."

He flicked his cigarette over the balcony edge and wandered into the kitchen. Soon I could hear the clinking of cups and the sound of a kettle boiling. I sat in silence on Kieran's, somewhat dilapidated sofa.

"Good memories then love?"

I blink from my little trance and stare at her smiling face. I can see the similarities with my Nai, they're not the same. Naomi must take after her dad in many ways I'll never know, but Gina has definitely left her imprint on her daughter; their mannerisms are so similar sometimes it's scary.

"That obvious?"

She nodded across the room where Kieran now sat sipping at his cup. I looked down to see a cup of tea in front of me.

"You were totally gone for a while there dear, grinning like a loon and not paying a blind bit of attention to anyone. Thinking back to the old house were you?"

She smiled as I blushed; I knew what she was doing; trying to assuage my nerves. _'Fat chance of that.'_

"I take it you're here to talk things out?"

I nodded, picking up the hot tea and taking a sip.

"Well she's not to get excited. The Doctor says that she needs rest."

She held up her hand at my attempt to interrupt. "Please Emily, just be gentle with her. Katherine's little visit wasn't well received by the nurses on the ward and her Doctor told me that it shouldn't be repeated."

"Don't worry Gina, I'm not here to shout at her. I'm here to talk with her, that's all."

'_Wouldn't Effy be proud of me for that little speech? Shame it's a lie, if she won't talk _to_ me I will talk _at_ her, it's what makes up part two of my plan.'_

She smiled at me and got up from her chair, "Wait there and drink your tea love, I'll just go and see how she is."

She walked away from me and into the short hallway, ducking into the spare room. It doesn't seem that long since she pushed me into that room and I'd lain in that bed, hugging a pillow, hoping against hope that Naomi would come home.

I stood up, leaving my tea on the table practically untouched. I followed her path down the hallway and slipped into the room as quietly as I could. I stood watching as she picked up a piece of paper and left two tablets on the nightstand next to a glass of water. My eyes watered as I noticed my envelope and iPod next to the glass, the headphones no longer wrapped around it, the letter lying neatly folded next to it. She'd obviously found my message. I hoped that what I saw meant she'd read it, listened to it...understood it.

Gina pocketed the loose paper, pulled up the duvet and tucked Naomi up in bed as if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to do to her fiercely independent teenage daughter.

"Is...is she ok?" I whispered.

Gina turned rapidly to face me, "Jesus Emily, you scared the shit out of me, "she whispered back. "I thought you were going to wait in there."

I shook my head, "I needed to see her Gina. I'm sorry but I needed to make sure she was ok."

I sat down in the small chair in the corner of the room, carefully folding Naomi's black jacket that had been rather casually thrown across it; absently noting the scrapes and rips on the sleeves.

"I'm going to wait here. I want to be here when she wakes up this time. Don't worry. I promise I'll be quiet, I won't wake her."

She smiled her goofy little smile at me, the one her daughter sometimes unconsciously mimics, and nodded. Bless her, she understood. Carefully she turned back to the bed, double checked that Naomi was tucked up tightly in the duvet and then left the room.

She was back a few minutes later with another cup of tea and a plateful of toast.

"There you go dear," she said into my ear. "I assume you've not had breakfast and I seem to remember you don't like muesli. He's not burnt it that badly for a change but don't feel you _have_ to eat it. Come and get me if you two need anything, ok?"

"I will, thanks mum."

'_shit...did I...did I just fucking do that?'_

Gina just looked at me as I feel my cheeks bust into flames and I do my best to sink into the chair and fucking vanish.

What on earth made me say that to her?

I watch as she places the plate and drink on the floor. I'm convinced she's going to throw me out of the flat for my presumption, especially after all that's happened between me and Naomi. Then seconds later I'm enveloped in a hug.

'_Thank fuck for that, she's not angry at me.'_

"Emily dear," she whispered with a slight catch in her voice, "don't be embarrassed. I couldn't love you any more if you _were_ my daughter. You practically are anyway. Ever since that first morning I met you I hoped you were going to be a part of our little family; hoped that Naomi had finally given in to her feelings.

I can't wait for you two to be happy again, because you do make her happy Emily, you really do."

I could feel the tears on her cheeks as she whispered to me. I'm wrapped in Campbell family love and it's a wonderful feeling, but for me it's the wrong Campbell wrapping me up in a warm embrace. But I plan to put that right today.

After a few seconds Gina releases me and wipes her eyes.

"I'm a soft sod sometimes; you'll have to excuse me." She bent down to pick up the items of she came in with and offered them up to me again.

"Here you are love, eat up if you can."

I took the plate and smiled my thanks as she turned to leave, my eyes turning back to regard the blonde lying in the bed.

"Oh and Emily dear, you can call me 'mum' anytime you want. In fact I'd consider it a compliment if you did."

o+o+o

I munched as quietly as I could on the granary loaf that Kieran had obviously toasted with a flamethrower. I didn't really care I was starving. I'd left ours this morning without breakfast and rushed over here to see her; that and the fact that the smell of toast, no matter how charred, always makes me hungry.

Happily chewing away on the crispy bread I waited for sleeping beauty to wake, all the time having to restrain myself from walking over to the bed and waking her in the traditional 'Sleeping Beauty' way.

o+o+o

Thinking back as I wait for her to wake. I realise that I've never really seen Naomi wake up, for some reason she always seems to wake before me. I tend to find her either gone, or just lying there watching me.

In fact I think I can count the number of times I've woken up to find her still asleep on one hand, maybe two. Yeah, two at a push.

Most of the time when I've managed it I've snuck out to visit the bathroom, or to make us breakfast in bed. But she's always been awake when I get back.

"_It's my Fitchdar,"_ she'd joked over beans on toast one morning when I'd mentioned her unnatural skill.

"_As soon as you leave me it goes off and I'm awake. I've set it to very sensitive so you can't get far away from me without me knowing."_

"_What do you do when I go home babe?"_ I'd asked, _"I'm far away from you then."_

She'd just looked at me with sad and serious eyes.

"_Sulk and try to ignore it Ems. What else can I do?"_

Sometimes she was so sweet she was just edible; especially when she said things like that without even thinking about it. Little things, beautiful things, straight from the heart.

o+o+o

With nothing better, or more enjoyable to do; I sit here, eat my now cold toast and just study her face. She's always embarrassed when I tell her she's beautiful. She always puts it down to me being "blinded by lust." But she is. She's really fucking beautiful.

That's how I think of her, how I've always thought of her, how I'd introduced even the _idea_ of her to my parents; even though I was furious at her at the time.

"_Her name's Naomi, she's rather beautiful."_

I would get that phrase printed on a T-Shirt and wear it every day, get a plane to tow it across the skies on a banner and get it tattooed across my body if it would help convince her that's _exactly_ what she is...

Rather beautiful.

Rather more than beautiful actually.

Even now, as she sleeps with her mouth slightly open and that adorably dorky look on her face, she looks gorgeous. Really, I don't think I will ever get tired of just looking at her.

Lying there with not a scrap of makeup, a bandage covering her hair and the goofiest sleep face I think I've ever seen, she is absolutely stunning; and all I want to do is stare and stare and memorise every line of her face just one more time. Memorise it all for no other reason than because in my eyes she is, rather beautiful, and I can't help myself.

'_Why can't she just accept that?'_

o+o+o

The seconds turn to minutes and the minutes turn into hours. I've eaten the toast and drunk my tea and I'm sat here on this rickety and uncomfortable chair simply happy and content that I'm near her again. She's been moving a lot in her sleep, wriggling about and pulling faces as she dreams. Every single expression makes my heart pound. I can't believe she's only been out of my life for a few days and I feel like this, can't believe that I actually thought, at any stage of my anger, that I could give her up.

It's funny the things you forget to remember sometimes. It's sad the way it takes a tragedy like this to make you remember them at all.

'_Hold it together Emily, hold it together!'_

I risk a glance at the clock by the bed.

'_Jesus it's twenty to eleven and she's still not awake.'_

For a few moments I have myself a minor panic attack. For one stupid second I manage to convince myself that she's died in her sleep; then I see her twitch once again and hear the rhythmic sound of her breathing, _'thank fuck for that.'_

Still irrationally gripped by paranoia another thought flashes through my mind. What if she's gone into a coma in her sleep? People do that don't they? They have a head injury, seem fine go home and then just collapse and end up in a coma. Is that what's happened to her, is that why she's not awake yet?

'_Fucks sake Emily, pull yourself together, she's just fucking sleeping ok?'_

With that Katie-like bollocking delivered to my terrified mind, I managed to slow my breathing and still my racing heart.

It's not still for long as I open my eyes and realise she's rolled over and reached for the tablets on the nightstand.

'_Thank fuck she's awake, thank fuck she's all right.'_

Slowly and carefully I stand up from the chair and, ignoring the burning pain in my calves, stand at the foot of the bed and wait for her to notice me.

I watch as she grabs the water and winces in pain as she rolls back and takes a sip. Involuntarily my fingers reach out for her, my body reacting instinctively to the pain I see etched on her face. One sip and one loud sigh later, her eyes have opened and she's looking right at me. Those perfect blue orbs looking more focussed than the last time she had stared at me, less than twenty four hours ago, standing at the foot of a totally different bed.

As she stared at me I waited, building up my courage; preparing myself to deliver my little speech about how much I loved her and how good we were together. Then with a husky croak she said one simple word...

"Emily"

...and all of my pretty words, my carefully prepared lines, go fluttering out of my head like a flock of starlings, leaving me with absolutely nothing in my mind but her eyes. As I stare into those beautiful, pain filled eyes I decide it's time to talk; but this time talk from my heart, forget about speeches and just tell her what I'm feeling. I know that I can't let her continue talking, can't let her tell me to fuck off again. This time it's my turn to say sorry.

"Naomi, shut up, you've had your chance, now it's my turn to fucking talk."

'_Not the best start Emily, not the best start at all, relax hun you can do this.'_

I take a quick deep breath and start again.

"Look, Nai, I know you don't want to talk to me, ok? But I really need to talk to you. I tried to write it all down, but it just doesn't work for me. I just can't do this without actually seeing you ok? I need to know that I've done this the right way. So you'll just have to lie there and accept the fact that I am not going away until I say all of this, properly, to your face.

This is really fucking awful you know? I hate myself at the moment because I'm feeling like a total twat. I can't believe what I did to you the other night, I can't believe I brought _her_ up like I did; it was a shitty thing to do and I only did it because I was angry.

I was hurt and I was frustrated and I was angry and I spent hours on the sofa just making things worse by winding myself up about the whole stupid row; rather than making it better by having you talk to me about it. That's not an excuse, I was an arsehole and I know it.

I can't believe I hit you either, and the worst of it is I've got no excuse for that at all either. Except for the fact that I'm nothing more than a fucking coward and I couldn't face the fact that you were telling me the truth; nothing but the truth, nothing more than I deserved. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that blow, that fucking act of cowardice as long as I live.

You were right about me in so many ways; it made me realise how terribly I've treated you over the years. I pushed you, and then judged you for not being what _I _wanted you to be. I pushed and pushed until you gave in to me and then I held on so much I terrified you and somewhere in the middle of all our dancing around I cheated on you.

I understand now, I'm sure I do. Listening to your music, reading your note, thinking about all the things you'd said made me realise that all the time I was punishing you, you deserved to be punishing me. It made me realise that I was as much to blame for fucking everything up as you, if not more so.

Most of all it made me realise that I'm an utter twat because all I wanted at that moment was to say how sorry I was and instead I let you leave, I should have chased you down that road, stopped you walking away, made you understand that there is nothing between me and Effy but friendship. That I have not and would not cheat on you with her or anyone else, not anymore, not since that night; but it was all too fucking much. You'd told me the truth about what I'd done and I'm sorry babe; sorry that I couldn't face you after the way you looked at me.

I looked into your eyes and I knew that you hated me Nai, and I think it was the single worst thing that's ever happened to me in my whole fucking life. I was scared of what that look meant and I couldn't face you knowing that you hated me right then.

We're fucked up babe, totally fucked up. We can't just allow ourselves to just be happy together can we? Because that's what I thought we were, I thought we were totally happy together, thought it because _I was_.

Until that fucking night I was completely, totally, stupidly, ecstatically fucking happy. I can't tell you how good I felt because _we_ were back together, and even with all the pain that was going on around us I knew you were there with me. You being there gave me the strength to deal with Katie, with Effy, with everything that they entailed. I knew I could handle it all because you were there and you loved me and that's all that mattered.

I was so happy I couldn't believe that I nearly gave up everything we have, have always had…and I _won't_ believe that you would do the same.

You keep telling me it's over Nai but I don't think it is, I don't think we'll _ever_ be over, I can't accept that. I love you and I know you love me back. You stood in front of everyone in that shitty fucking shed and told me how much you love me and it's something I'll never, ever, forget. It was the one thing I'd dreamt of you doing since I was fifteen, when I finally spoke to the gorgeous blonde that didn't know I existed. All I ever wanted you to do was tell me you loved me and mean it. All I want you to do now is accept that I feel the same way about you."

I closed my eyes and took a breath, dragging back a memory to share, one that might be able to explain what I meant.

"I was fourteen when I first really noticed you, it was a Tuesday in mid-May and we were all outside for morning break. I remember that they were cutting the grass on the school fields, the boys were playing football on the yard and you were sat on a wall by the kitchens all on your own. Katie and her mates were picking on you for reading a book in the playground and you just stood up, scowled at her and walked away. It was the first time I'd seen anyone just totally dismiss her and I thought it was the bravest, coolest and most wonderful thing I'd ever seen.

She was fucking devastated because you'd done the worst thing you could do to her; you'd ignored her, treated her like she was something stuck to the sole of your shoe.

You humiliated her in front of her friends and I don't think she ever forgave you. I loved it though, loved how you treated her. I loved the way you ignored the fact that she was the popular one in school and did your own thing no matter the consequences.

I really wanted to get to know you then, but Katie always got in the way."

I smiled ruefully.

"I guess some things never change.

I watched you from that moment on, sometimes I felt like a fucking stalker. I watched you walk into school in the morning and go home at night; I knew where you lived and how weird your home life was.

I laughed every time you put someone down with that sarcasm you wield like a knife; I hurt every time someone upset you and I cried every time you walked past me without saying a word, without even looking at me. My heart swelled every time I caught a glance of you, whenever we made eye contact; and it shattered when you would quickly look away; dismissing me like you dismissed Katie.

I loved you and hated you because that's how we were, how we still are. We're hot and cold babe, totally different and yet totally the same.

Then one day about a year later you talked to me; it was totally out of the blue and I was so fucking shocked and talked so much shit that I knew you must have thought I was an idiot. I was just totally overwhelmed that _you_ had gone out of your way to come and talk to _me_. I was totally smitten with you at that point and I couldn't make my brain work because of the fear.

I promised myself after that humiliating experience I wouldn't be scared of how I felt anymore. I was going to be different and I was going to make you love me.

I have been utterly, uncontrollably, stupidly in love with you since that sunny Tuesday in the playground and nothing you have done, nothing you have _ever_ done has changed that.

You are my fucking _world_ Naomi Campbell, my whole fucking world. You have been for as long as I've known you and I am not going to give that up for anything, least of all your stubborn nature. I love the fact that you're stubborn babe, I always have, but not with me hun, not with us. Please don't do that to us, not anymore."

I'm crying again, of course I am that's all I've been able to do these last few months; this time I'm not crying for me, I'm crying for us. She's lying in that fucking bed, probably in agony and here I am trying to pour my heart out to her.

I've got a memory floating through my head, one other occasion I stood near the foot of her bed and let it all out, the last time she just lay there and looked at me as I ranted and raged at her. That wasn't a happy memory, it wasn't a happy time; but it had worked out in the end. It had worked out because _we'd_ been brave enough to make it work. I crossed my fingers and prayed that this time it would be the same, because I'm not raging now, I'm fucking breaking.

"I'm sorry Naomi, so utterly, miserably sorry. Please don't give up on me ok, don't give up on us. I'm sorry I'm a twat, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I don't know what else I can tell you babe except I love you, it's all I've got left."

I'm done, it wasn't pretty, it wasn't eloquent, and it wasn't a patch on what I had prepared to say. It was random and rambling and I doubted any of it made sense to her, but at the very least it was honest. It was totally and utterly honest.

I looked across at her, blue eyes burning back at me. I couldn't help my reaction, I've not done this for ages but I can't help but wither under that gaze. I find myself looking at the floor sneaking glances at her through my lashes. This time though it's not planned, it's not calculated, it's not my, less than subtle, attempt at seducing her. It's simply the fact that her gaze is just too much for me and I don't think I can look into her eyes when she tells me to fuck off again.

"Well, good morning to you too."

'_Fuck she sounds terrible, what the fuck have you done Emily, why couldn't you have just waited until she was well?'_

"erm, Hi!"

I offered weakly, still not sure what was happening here. She had fixed me with her serious face and sighed, _'Oh Christ, here it comes.'_

"Emily, you're a twat."

'_Oh God, Jesus no. Don't fucking do this Nai, don't fucking keep on doing this to us, it's not right. Don't you understand it's not fucking right, not after all this.'_

She coughed weakly and took a sip from the glass of water she held in her hand. She took a deep breath and glared at me. I braced myself for what was going to come next.

"You, are a twat," she repeated, her voice clearer but still not as strong as I expected,

"but I guess at least you're _my_ twat. Or at least I hope that speech means that you are…because if I'm going to be a total twat myself I might as well be in good company."

I looked at her, my brain struggling to work through what exactly it was she was saying. Then she held out her hand to me.

"Come here you twat."

I walked around the bed and noticed that her cheeks were wet with tears, _'why didn't I spot that earlier?'_ I stretched out my hand and she gripped it in those long fingers of hers squeezing it as tightly as she could; which, I noticed absently, wasn't very tight at all.

"Ems I'm sorry…"

"No Naomi, no." I interrupted, "no more ok? It's my turn to be sorry, you haven't done anything except be hurt by me so please…stop apologising."

She gave my hand another squeeze. I sat on the edge of the bed, my hand gripping hers just looking at her.

"I'm truly sorry Naoms, I feel terrible that this got so out of hand. That despite every time I've complained that you won't talk to me about things, the one time you do, the one time it fucking matters. I dismiss it out of hand and make it worse by lying."

"Ems?"

I look around at her, at this distance I can see how pale she actually looks, her eyes that looked so vivid from the end of the bed actually look slightly washed out and watery.

"Yes Nai?"

"Shut the fuck up ok?"

She gave my hand another squeeze and flashed me a weak smile; my heart lifted and began to beat again.

"Ok."

o+o+o

We sat there for a while, just holding hands and staring, not daring to speak to each other, not wanting to break the spell. I'm not sure how long exactly it was we spent in our little bubble but we were finally disturbed by a knock at the door and a blonde head appearing round it as it opened. She regarded the sight of us holding hands and beamed a warm genuine smile.

"Oh thank fuck for that, are you two going to stop fighting now?"

I nodded sheepishly; I assumed Naomi was doing similarly; judging by the sharp intake of breath and the squeezing of my hand she was also regretting it. I whipped my head back around to see if she was ok, but she just calmly met my eyes and winked.

"Well that's alright then, if you don't mind I'd better go and text Katherine and Elizabeth; they've been asking for updates every fifteen minutes since you got here Emily dear.

Naomi love, would you like something to eat or drink. Doctor Hiller said you have to eat and drink to help you recover."

"Coffee and some cereal would be nice mum." She replied, still sounding far too weak for my liking.

"No coffee Naomi. Doctor Hiller also said you need lots of rest, and coffee won't help that. Look it's nearly lunchtime, I'll get you some tea and a bit of toast and then I'll pop to the shops and get us all something nice for lunch...You'll be staying for lunch then Emily dear?"

"I'd love to, thanks Gina."

She faked a frown at me, "Emily..." she said warningly her lips twitching.

I smiled happily back at her, "I'd love to, thanks _mum_."

"Better," she winked and left pulling the door closed behind her.

"Mum?" I heard Naomi ask as I turned around to look at her again.

"I'll explain later."

"Yeah," she said sadly, lowering her eyes, "I think there's going to be a lot of explaining later. I think we have a lot of talking to do Ems, a lot of it is long overdue."

I nodded and squeezed her hand. "You're right babe we do, and it is. From now on can we just say screw the world and sort our own issues out? Let everyone else fix their own problems and leave us the fuck alone? I don't know about you, but I really don't want to be sitting on a beach in Goa, having a deep and meaningful conversation about our relationship. Not unless it's about how much I fucking love you!"

She smiled, not her big beaming smile, the one that rocks my world but one that's still tinged with pain.

"Still coming to Goa with me then Ems? Not changed your mind?"

"What? No. Do you really think I'm going to miss out on a free holiday in the sun?"

Her smile wavers for a second, and then reappears as I wink at her to tell her I'm joking. Inwardly I sigh; I get the feeling this 'getting her to accept that I unconditionally love her' project might just be a long, long road. She's so fragile my Naomi, I'm starting to realise just how fragile. She's so wracked with doubts she needs constant reassurances that everything's ok.

And I'm going to make damn sure she gets them.

"I love you Nai, I've missed you so much."

"Me too hun, me too."

o+o+o

'Mum's' brought in the promised tea and toast and I've been hovering over Naomi, perched on the edge of the bed making sure she finishes what she been given. I can only assume that Gina's made the toast herself, or that she stood over Kieran with a rolling pin. Because if he cooked it, it's in far better shape than the charred attempt that he made for me.

We've been sitting in silence again whilst she ate and I drank my tea. It isn't a forced silence, it's not that we aren't speaking; just that we don't need to speak, it's a comfortable silence and for the first time in days I can feel myself relaxing. My eyes are getting heavy as days of crap sleep begin to catch up with me.

"Em?"

I jolt slightly as her voice disturbs me.

"Put the cup down hun before you spill it all over yourself."

I turn and place the cup onto her nightstand before turning back to look at her again.

"Do you want to talk yet Nai?" I asked nervously. If I'm honest I'm not ready, for starters I'm about ready to fall asleep, but I needed to know if that's what she wanted to do.

"No hun, not yet. It wouldn't be right."

I furrowed my eyebrows, I didn't understand.

"Problem with these painkillers babe, my body doesn't like them. They send me to sleep. Especially after I've eaten; when I'm feeling full and warm and comfortable."

She did sound drowsy. I guess with a head injury she might tire easily as well. I climbed off the bed, leaned over and kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

"Then you go to sleep babe, I'll still be here when you wake ok? Shout me if you need anything. I'm here for you." I kissed her again, "I'll always be here for you."

I stood and turned off the light. The room fell into a darkness that was only broken by the sunlight that was trying to creep around the heavy curtains. As I walked to the door I was stopped by the panicked sound in her voice as she called my name.

"Ems!"

"Yes love?"

"Don't go, please don't leave me now."

I could feel the breath leave my body as she called for me and my eyes prickled as I blinked away the tears that were forming. I crept back across the room kicking off my shoes and clothes as I did so and climbed onto the bed; sliding under the duvet, curling into her body and putting my arm around her waist.

"I won't babe, not if you don't want me to."

She sighed, sniffed and I could feel the tension ebb out of her body as her arm covered mine.

"I never want you to leave me Ems, not ever."

"Then I'll always be here babe, remember that."

I could tell she was crying as she fell asleep. I could feel the slight shakes as she did so; as she tried desperately to hide it from me. I pulled myself closer into her snuggling up against her right arm, putting my head on her shoulder; conscious of avoiding any movement that would disturb her bandaged head.

As we lay there, drifting off, I realised something was wrong. At first I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Something about the way we were laying in the bed didn't feel right. Then it hit me, ever since I'd come into the room she'd been asleep on _my side of the bed_.

There have only been _two_ occasions in all the times we have slept together when she slept on the left side of the bed, the first was our very first night together, and the second was the afternoon we'd spent after she'd attacked me at the lockers all that time ago. On both occasions I'd climbed into bed first and took a side. It wasn't until the morning after the Love Ball I'd learnt she had a preference. I guess sleeping on your own in a single bed you just don't realise it.

She'd patiently explained that she liked to sleep on the right side of the bed. I never understood why, to be honest I didn't really care what side I slept on as long as she was next to me. But that was how it worked out and ever since that morning we had our own sides of our bed, any bed. I'd always liked that, it made me feel like we were a 'proper' couple. Today though, she was lying on _my_ side of the bed by choice. It was weird, I had to know why; I knew I'd not be able to sleep now, not until I had an answer.

"Nai, you still awake?" I asked softly, ignoring the fact that I'd just heard her sniff away her tears.

"Mmmm, barely hun why?"

Tears or not, Christ she sounded tired. I really felt guilty about disturbing her but continued anyway, the damage already done.

"I was just wondering, why are you sleeping on _this_ side of the bed babe, it's not your usual side."

"Because of the smell hun." Her words were slurring now as sleep took over. I'm confused, I can't smell anything at all.

"What smell babe, there's no smell over here?"

"Exactly..."

Even in her tired and drugged up state I can hear the faint sound of triumph in her voice in that one word; as if she'd just managed to explain quantum physics to Katie. Me? I still have no idea what she's on about.

"I don't understand Naomi, what do you mean?"

"The pillows, they smell. Smell nice, relaxing, they make me feel safe."

"Why do they smell Nai? Why do they make you feel safe?"

She let out an adorable little chuckle...

"Emily slept here."

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

**A/N – **Do we all feel better now? Can we all breathe again...I know I can; perhaps a certain someone will put that bloody vase down now and stop threatening me with it!

Sorry guys, I know it's been a long time coming but I wanted this story to feel real. Even now I doubt we're out of the woods because people ain't like that. These two still have a lot of talking to do methinks.

Until the next one...chapter that is!

_esdiferente, a part of the MftM massive! _

_[clicks finger and makes an annoying aye-e sound]_

_(-:_


	26. Bedside Visitors

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **Dammit it, how can you review something seven bloody times and still miss a typo in Emily's last sentence making the whole thing invalid….fixed now but not until after 300 of you read it )-: "You safe"…"You safe!"…not "Me safe"… Jeez Es how hard is it to spot that? Sorry folks my bad.

Rest assured I have taken myself off and given myself a good talking to and a bit of a beating…Ems isn't happy with my error either.

Anyway, enough of my self-flagellation, here's chapter 26 for your reading pleasure, not my greatest, but it gets me from A to B . Hope you enjoy it; it's a fluffy bit of breathing room after all the drama.

**Chapter 26 – Bedside Visitors**

_Effy_

"EFFY!"

Jesus that girl can shout, I have no doubt that somewhere in our future lies an argument about something and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to stand there and listen to her rant on. I'm not sure my ears could take it.

"Katie, I'm only stood here, you don't have to yell."

She doesn't either, I'm stood on the small patio having a smoke and she's in the kitchen. It's not like were at other ends of the house. Her excited looking face appears at the doorway.

"Sorry Eff wasn't sure where you were. I've got news."

"Naomi's mum has texted to say they've made up, all is well and Emily is lovingly mopping Naomi's brow as we speak."

Her face fell, "How did you know?" Bless, she actually looks disappointed, I almost feel a little bit guilty at ruining her moment.

Almost...not quite.

I shrug in reply to her question, "I just know Kay, you know me."

"Bitch."

"Not at all, that's your role; I'm the mysterious one remember?"

I got a hint of a smile at that,_ 'good, still seeing the funny side then'_ it makes a nice change, Katie is normally the first to fly off the handle at the slightest comment but she seems to have relaxed a little.

"So go on then, how did you know?"

"Katie, you've been texting Emily and Gina practically every five minutes for news, and you've been growling and thumping about because you haven't heard anything. Then all of a sudden you start shouting at me, run out here with that big stupid grin on your face and tell me you have news."

I took a long drag on the cigarette, held it for a few seconds and then casually exhaled winking at her stunned face.

"Even Cook could work that one out."

"That obvious was I?" I nodded in reply, "You're ruining your reputation Eff."

"Only with you babe, I wouldn't share my mysterious secret ways with anyone else."

She grins back at me. "Fuck you Stonem; I can't help it if I'm happy that my sister is happy."

"You've changed Katie, in the last few months you've really changed."

She looked down at her feet, scuffing the toes of her heels on the kitchen doorstep.

"I have been a bit of a bitch, I know that."

"Yeah, but only for the last what? Sixteen, seventeen years?"

She glanced at my smirking face, "I hate you Stonem," she replied eyes squinting but lips twitching.

"No you don't Katiekins, you love me; everyone loves me."

How well do I do sarcasm? Could anything be further from the truth? People only ever tried to hang around with me for one of two reasons, they thought they'd look cool with the weird girl or they were trying to fuck me. Does Katie fall into both categories?

My little red-headed fireball walked out into the garden, stood right in front of me and ran the back of her hand tenderly down my face.

"You know Eff, you might just be right there."

I'm kind of lost for words as she reaches up and kisses me. Only one other person has ever told me that, and he didn't actually tell me either. _'Jesus Eff, get a grip'_

Perhaps sensing my confusion Katie leant back and regarded me carefully.

"Too soon? Scare you?"

I shook my head, it isn't really. I'm more amazed at how open she is. _'Heart on their sleeves remember Eff? You know the Fitch girls wear their hearts on their sleeves'_.

"There is one thing though Eff."

'_Really?'_ I can't help but raise that eyebrow in questioning. "Remind me to get you some mints, or a breath freshener or something...you taste like an ashtray."

We regarded each other for a few seconds, just staring into each other's eyes and then, almost simultaneously, we burst into laughter.

"Tasted a lot of ashtrays have you?" I asked between giggles.

"Well yeah, I've had some rough nights you know? I've woken up with my head in an ashtray before now. Though it wasn't the worst place I've woken up."

"Yeah, that'd be waking up in my bed the other week!"

"Actually no, I remember one time I..."

"Enough Kay, ok? I don't really want to know the ins and outs of your sordid past."

"Are you sure Eff, they make some great stories. Emsy used to love hearing about my exploits."

She's teasing me, I know. Strangely though it does make me just a little bit, well jealous, to be reminded of Katie's past.

"Actually Kay, Emily used to tell anyone that would listen about what you did and how disgusting she found you...Cook was always very interested to hear about what and who you'd been up to."

Her mouth fell open; I bit the inside of my cheek to avoid smiling at her.

"I think Cook always had a soft spot for you Katie, or should that be a hard one."

She looks appalled, can't blame her really. I never thought that much of Cook even when I was fucking him. Actually that's not totally true, there _is_ something about him; but he wasn't anything worth really caring about, let alone loving.

"Do you want to play some more Kay?" I say, finally smiling and I'm rewarded by an exasperated look at a slap on the arm.

"You fucker, that's not nice...like I'd ever...ugh no way on earth would I touch Cook, it was bad enough when he tried feeling me up in the shed."

"He did regret doing that though."

"Damn right."

He had as well, I remember laughing with Panda as Cook cornered Katie and began pinching her. As I recall she hit him with a vodka bottle, repeatedly, until he promised to leave her alone. Moral of that story Cookie, don't mess with Katie Fitch!

"So?" she said putting her hands on my hips, "What's the plan for the rest of the day then, now we know those two have stopped acting like pricks?"

That is a good question. Part of me wants to stay here and relax, perhaps drink some booze, smoke some weed and take the time to chill out. The last few days have been one drama after another thanks to Naomi Campbell; and Katie and I haven't really had a chance to talk about our relationship, if that's what we have. Especially after she outed us to both Naomi and Emily.

The other part of me knows that we need to go and talk to Naomi, clear the air. Explain things properly. That part of me is currently winning over the hedonistic side of my personality.

To be honest it's a good thing. The last time I let go to that side, I ended up in an asylum.

"I think we need to see Naomi, explain things. Perhaps apologise." I blurted out my thoughts, actually pretty concerned as to how she would react.

I'm surprised as she simply ran her hands up and down my sides, gently and comfortingly...I was expecting at least a slight explosion.

"Well I'd rather stay here," she said looking at me with those big brown eyes, "but if you think it's important then that's what we'll do."

I shiver slightly as she slipped her hands from my hips to my back and slid them up my spine before entwining them in my hair and pulling my head down to meet hers in a kiss.

"We don't have to rush off just yet do we?" she asked between the blissful moments when her lips were pushed against mine, our tongues darting and dancing in and out the ballet of passion.

"Nope," I replied as I took a breath, "Not just yet. I think Naomi can wait a bit longer."

o+o+o+o

_Emily_

I was woken from my sleep by a gentle shake on my shoulder. I'm never good when I'm woken up; it takes me fucking ages to get my head together. For a second or two I'm wondering where the hell I am, I'm definitely not at home that's for sure.

Then it hits me, I'm with Naomi. I can hear her breathing as she sleeps and as my brain surfaces from the thick fog of sleep I can feel my arm raise and lower as it rests across her chest.

Slowly I open my eyes again and I'm rewarded with the vision of her still laying flat on her back right next to me. I can't help by sigh happily and snuggle back into her, closing my eyes again. At this point I want to do nothing more than stay right here and never move again. I don't care about anything else right now, I'm really rather happy.

Well I would be if some bastard would stop shaking my shoulder and leave me alone.

I open my eyes again and twist my head slightly, trying not to move from the position of perfection I find myself in. It's Gina leaning over me with an amused smirk on her face.

"Sorry Emily dear, I didn't want to wake you."

I yawned, "S'ok Gina, what's wrong?"

"Well I'm not sure if it qualifies as being wrong, but your sister and Elizabeth are here."

And with that I'm awake, wide awake…_'Jesus, can't they give us a fucking moment?'_

"What do they want?" I asked twisting around and untangling myself from Naomi somewhat reluctantly.

"Elizabeth says they've come to apologise. I've told them she's asleep and you're with her but they just said they'll wait.

"Fucks sake…ok hold on a second. I'll get dressed and come out and tell them to get lost."

"That's not very nice Emily; I think it's really nice that they've come over."

Snorting my disapproval, I quickly pulled on my discarded clothes, checking back on sleeping beauty every few seconds to make sure I'm not disturbing her sleep. Carefully pulling the duvet back over her I walked into the hallway with Gina, blinking at the light.

I found Katie sat on the sofa looking slightly uncomfortable; Effy. on the other hand was on the balcony with Kieran smoking happily, chatting away.

"Katie what the fuck are you two doing here?"

"Gina said you two had made up and stopped fucking about, Effy reckons we needed to come round to apologise."

Un-fucking-believable, it's been just under two hours since we made up and they're here already. _'fucks sake have you heard about personal space?'_

"Don't be like that Emily."

Effy's strolled into the room and flopped next to Katie, casually putting her hand on Katie's leg. For a fleeting second I'm really fucking jealous, not of Effy and Katie, but of the seemingly effortless nature of their fledgling relationship. I really wish Naomi and I had that level of courage from the start, perhaps things would have been easier on us in the long run if we had.

Still, we didn't and it hadn't, but we'd got there in the end…were getting there in the end if we could get two fucking minutes together without something happening.

"Don't be like what Eff?" I asked as casually as I could; dragging my head back to the conversation at hand.

"Don't be annoyed that we've come round. I know you want time with Naomi, but we need to help clear the air, explain a few things, apologise. Trust me it'll be better for both of you if we do this."

"Well she's still asleep and she's not well, she probably is still suffering from the mild concussion and the painkillers she's on keep knocking her out. Can't this wait?"

I'm aware of their shock as I snap back at them; fuck it, like I care.

"Ems?"

'_Shit'_

"Fucks sake you've fucking woken her up now."

"Hey, that wasn't us yelling Emsy."

"Shut up Katie, stay the fuck there, I'm going to see if she's ok."

I'm fucking furious, I can't believe that the two of them would be that fucking selfish. I take a couple of deep breaths as I walk along the short hallway, trying to compose myself before I enter the room.

"Hey babe, you shouted me?"

I lowered myself onto the bed and sat next to her shoulders. Being careful not to jostle her I put my arm over the top of her head and rested it on her shoulder, idly toying with her hair.

"Yeah, you ok?"

"I'm fine Nai, why?"

She put her hand on my knee as I lifted my legs onto the bed and slipped them alongside her body.

"Heard you shouting at someone Ems."

"Fuck, sorry babe, did I wake you?"

"Only when you left Ems; not with the shouting."

'_Fucking Fitchdar, I wish she would turn the bloody thing off.'_ Though actually it is kind of nice to know it still works.

"Sorry babe, your mum came to get me. Katie and Effy have turned up wanting to see you."

I could feel her stiffen underneath me at my words it was a second or two before I felt her relax again.

"I guess I've got to face them sometime, it's not like they're going out of our lives is it?"

I shrug, "at the moment babe, they can fuck right off. Told you, we can let the world get to fuck and worry about ourselves for a change."

I was rewarded by a weak chuckle and the subsequent wince of pain.

"Jesus Nai, look after yourself would you? Stop fucking hurting yourself."

I get her best fake 'puppy-dog' eyes, I know they're fake because there's a slight twinkle in them…which is, at least, something to celebrate.

"I'm ok hun; it's just…well, you sounded just like Cook for a second then."

"Ugh, fucks sake Naomi, I thought you loved me…that's an awful thing to say."

"I do love you Ems, and it's not awful. Cook's actually quite sensitive; all that we see, it's mostly an act."

'_Yeah hun and you'd know all about that wouldn't you. You've shown the world an act for all the time I've known you, more the pity.'_

I sniff by way of reply, not wanting to comment in case my thoughts betray me. My feelings about Cook are quite clear. He's a wanker that Naomi would be best served staying away from, but she does like him for some reason and I'm not going to deny her that friendship.

I am going to keep a fucking eye on him though if he ever comes around again, if he ever gets out of prison that is.

"…throw them out?"

_Shit, wasn't listening…fucking Cook'_

"Sorry babe? Miles away for a second."

"Katie and Effy; are they still here or did I hear you throw them out."

"I tried hun, I really did. Then you shouted me. Look give me five minutes and I'll get rid of them."

She squeezed my knee.

"Ems, look; grab me a t-shirt or something and help me sit up a bit. I might as well see them. No point putting this off."

I'm not convinced this is a good idea, not convinced at all. She's still pretty weak, I can tell that just by looking at her.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be ok."

Painfully she dragged herself up as I did my best to help, probably succeeding in hindering more than anything. I tucked the pillows behind her back and stepped off to grab the T-Shirt that was folded with the rest of her clothes. I bite my lip as I turned back, as she's been struggling to get her pillows comfortable the duvet has slipped and revealing, well, my favourite part of her.

_I think I'll just wait for her to get comfortable…no sense in hurrying her'_

"Jeez Ems; you perv! Give me that T-shirt before your eyes pop out."

I smile and throw it at her, "I can't help it, I missed you," I reply hiding my blushes. She winked and attempted to pull the T-Shirt over her head.

"Fucks sake Naomi, could you wait half a second? Let me help that over your bandage before you hurt yourself."

"You sure you're trying to help me? Are you sure you just don't want me to wait like this so you can ogle me whilst my hands are trapped?"

"The thought never crossed my mind until now," I said running my fingers across her nipples as I stretched to grab the neck of the shirt and ease it over her head.

"Bitch" she said smiling as her head appeared from within the T-Shirt.

"What, for starting or stopping?" I asked as I dragged the shirt down and tucked it around her waist.

"Both." She took a breath, "So am I decent for visitors?"

"I tucked the duvet around her and lent in to kiss her quickly but carefully on her lips.

"Yeah, you look great babe, do you want me to go and get them?"

She gave me a thin lipped smile and took a deep breath before giving me a very slight nod. "Ok hun, if you're sure."

"Ems," she said as I walked towards the door. "Nice bed hair!"

I glanced at my reflection in the small mirror and she was right, I looked as if I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. I ran my fingers through my hair briefly and then looked back.

"Bitch." I replied, following up by sticking my tongue out in a very unladylike manner. She rolled her eyes in return allowing me to walk off chuckling. _'It feels good to be back together like this.'_

o+o+o+o

Katie and Effy are still sat on the sofa chatting to Gina. They both looked at me expectantly when I walk in and stand next to Gina.

"She'll see you."

Effy practically jumped out of her seat, "_But_!" I continued, "I'm not fucking happy about this and I'm still pissed off at you that you'd put her through this, but there you go."

I looked straight at Katie, "Don't fucking upset her again ok! There will be fucking trouble if you do anything that makes her worse, you understand?"

Gina reached up and grabbed my hand giving it a squeeze. I take the hint and take a quick breath to try and relax.

"I'm not going to do anything Ems."

"yeah well just….just fucking don't ok?"

Effy walked over and gave me a gentle hug, "We're not here to fight Emily. It'll be fine honestly."

I'm still not happy as I walk back the bedroom, leaving them behind me. I get a look from Naomi that seems to say _'don't worry'_ but how can I not?

I fucking hate this, really fucking hate it, she looks so fucking vulnerable and all I want to do is wrap her up in cotton wool and protect her from all of this shit until she's better and able to face it. Still, she has other ideas, she's so annoyingly fucking independent and she doesn't know what's good for her.

Still I guess that's why I love her.

I take my place on the far side of the bed from the door, next to her. I'm stood by her, my arms folded when Katie and Effy walk in. Oddly enough they both look a bit sheepish and Katie keeps glancing looks at my face and looking away as I frown back at her. Odd really, because only once have I ever made her back down like that and I had just beaten the crap out of her.

"Right here are the rules, no fucking fighting, no shouting and no histrionics ok? Naomi is supposed to be resting."

"Ems?" I felt her hand touch my leg and I looked down to see her looking up at me before she patted the bed next to her, "Sit down babe, it's ok. I'll make this brief."

'_She'll make this brief, what the fuck is she on about?' _She's already talking as I sit at the head of the bed again and wrap my arm around her protectively. Not even my own flesh and blood is fucking with my girl today. Not while I'm standing here.

o+o+o+o

_Naomi_

'_Jesus H fucking Christ I feel like shite'_

There's some kind of irony that when I take a painkiller it numbs the pain but knocks me sideways. Then I fall asleep because of it and when I wake up it fucking hurts all over again. There is something seriously fucked up about that.

Still there's nothing I can do about it, I've got to brave this through. After all it's my own stupid fucking fault that I'm here.

I hate the fact that Ems is stomping around the flat, she's obviously pissed off that Katie and Effy are here, and probably pissed off at me for wanting to see them. Though, if I'm totally honest a 'pissed off at me' Ems is ok in my book. At least it means she's around, at least she kept the faith, which is one hell of a lot more than I did. I just hate the fact that, once again, I've made her angry.

I'm also still not sure what the fuck has been going on over the last few days, but Emily tells me there is nothing going on between her and Effy and I've decided that's good enough for me.

More than good enough actually. Mum's right, it's about time I started trusting her, trusting that she loves me and let go of the paranoia. I guess that'll be one of the things on our list of things to talk about.

My gloomy mood is lifted as she returns, butboy she looks annoyed. She walks right around the bed to where I'm sitting and just stands there, arms folded, eyes blazing just staring at the door. I can see her stiffen as Katie walks into the bedroom, followed closely by Effy.

It's sweet really, she's being so protective. Ordinarily I'd be fucking livid if she or anyone else behaved like this, but today I think I'll let it slide.

And with my head feeling like it does, perhaps I'll just enjoy it.

"Right here are the rules, no fucking fighting, no shouting and no histrionics ok? Naomi is supposed to be resting."

Her voice echo's around the tiny room as she snaps a the pair of them. _'Fucks sake! Jesus, that hurt. Ok Ems you can really stop doing me favours about now.'_ I've jumped slightly at the ferocity of her voice and caught the back of my head on the headboard

'_Breathe Naomi, breathe...it'll be fine in a second, the light will come back and the stars will go away.'_

Thankfully I'm right and within moments my vision returns to normal. I can see Katie's shocked face it's actually quite funny, especially as the last time I saw her, her face was pushed right against mine and she wasn't so much shocked as spitting fury.

"Ems?" I said reaching out with my hand to touch her, to get her attention. "Sit down babe, it's ok. I'll make this brief."

I'm patting the bed next to me, asking her to sit down and relax, thankfully she took the invitation and sat, pushing her body close to mine and carefully reaching her arm round me resting it against the pillows to avoid catching me.

I look across at her twin and the girl I've hated for the last few days. It's time, I think, for an apology. Fucks sake I seem to be really getting accomplished at apologising. Probably because I'm a juvenile twat that needs to grow up.

Taking a deep breath I start before anyone else can speak.

"Look guys, I'm sorry I lost my temper yesterday in the hospital. Effy I'm sorry I had a go at you. I've got a feeling that I've let myself believe a few things that aren't true and that's not fair on you.

You didn't deserve for me to shout at you like that and I'm sorry ok? I'm still not a hundred percent sure what happened on that rooftop but I'm sure that you and Ems did me a favour, so you didn't deserve my anger."

I glance across at the toxic twin who's looking at me with her mouth open. It's not a pretty sight actually, she looks like a dead fish on display.

"Katie, you were right I was being a cunt to Emily and that wasn't right. So thank you, thank you for helping me see it. I deserve everything you gave me and probably a lot more. I know you hate me, again. But all I can say is that I was sure I'd lost her and didn't want the pain of having to deal with all that again.

And you're right as well, I _should_ grow up, I realised that last night."

They're looking at me like I've grown two heads, I look up at Ems who's looking down at me shocked.

"Sorry for being a twat babe ok? I don't think I said that earlier."

She just smiled that beautiful smile she does when she's half smiling half trying not to cry. I got a reassuring squeeze and I brace myself as she leaned her head towards mine. Every time she hugs me she just has to push her head against my body, always has done. Normally it's fine, but today I'm scared I'll end up back in hospital again.

Thankfully she realises at the last second and pulls back.

"These fuckers were coming to apologise to you Nai, not to hear you talk crap again."

"Yeah well, if Naomi's decided it's all her fault then that's ok isn't it."

"_Katie!"_

That's actually really funny, both Ems and Eff bollocking Katiekins at the same time, and fuck me if she doesn't look a bit abashed by it.

"Fucks sake, ok already! Naomi I'm sorry for bursting in and shouting at you yesterday it was..." she paused and glanced at Effy, "insensitive and rude. I'm sorry I threw your mobile phone at you as well."

"That's ok Katie."

"Yeah, but I'm not sorry for what I said Campbell, I did fucking warn you what would happen if you fucked up Emily again."

"KATIE!" they yell at her again. I raise my hand with no little effort, to stop them both.

"It's ok guys, Katie's right. I think I'd do the same thing if I were in her shoes." I drop my hand onto Emily's thigh and give it a gentle squeeze.

"Like you'd ever be able to pull off my shoes lezzer; it takes style to wear these. Style you just don't have."

The mood immediately lightens at the, frankly ridiculous, comment; Katie is twisting her leg back and forth showing off the red patent heels she's wearing before glancing up and catching my eye. Fuck me if she doesn't know exactly what she's doing. I wink at her and catch a sly smile. _'Oh Katiekins I think I love you' _way to change a mood.

"Naomi?"

I look across at Effy who's just ignoring Katie and has flopped down at the foot of the bed.

"You need to know the truth."

"Effy I know there's nothing going on between you and Emily ok, she told me so. Katie put enough doubts in my mind yesterday to make me realise how unfair I was being."

"You don't mean that though do you?"

"Like fuck I don't, I believe her, I trust her word."

I get another squeeze from Emily and a soft stroke of the shoulder as if to remind me I'm not supposed to be getting upset.

"I believe that Naomi, but I think you've still got doubts about what you think you saw. So I need to clear up a few things. Firstly I've only ever slept with Emily once."

I meet her eyes for a second and notice her register the glare from Katie.

"…and that was the night I turned up on your doorstep and _you_ were looking after Katie. Apart from that time I've not slept with her again, in _any_ context and I'm definitely not fucking her, even occasionally. I did however ask her to come shopping with me so I could find an outfit for a date I was having. She's got better taste than you and I could hardly ask Katie now could I?"

I look around to see a slight look of confusion on everyone's faces, and then suddenly Ems pipes up.

"That was for _that_ date? Jesus Eff. You told me it was because your dad was coming home."

She shrugged, "I lied Ems, I could hardly tell you the truth could I. Besides we'd decided to keep it all a secret, which we would appreciate you respecting."

OK so I'm officially fucking confused now. I have not the slightest idea what they are on about.

"Naomi, Emily wasn't on the rooftop the other day; that was me and Katie. I volunteered us to go looking for you because it was Katie and me you saw at the house that day. It wasn't Emily, it's never been Emily, it's always been Katie and me."

I'm still slightly puzzled, my head is still not working properly and my memory is still somewhat sporadic.

"Nai," Ems is speaking softly now, practically whispering in my ear, "Effy is...was...Andy from Tesco's, Katie's big date remember? Katie and Effy, well, they've been seeing each other."

"She's right Naomi, Katie and I have been dating, our first date was the night you left."

Well fuck me…I look across at Katie.

"You were serious?"

She nodded.

"You're gay?"

She shrugged and looked across at Effy.

"I keep telling her to have a conversation with you about that Naomi. I've told Kay that you might have some insights on the whole gay, not gay thing."

I look at Katie and I can tell that both of us are thinking exactly the same thing.

'_Not in my fucking lifetime'_

"So you see there's nothing between me and Emily apart from a sudden desire to have her help me revamp my wardrobe. You're safe to believe her with no doubts, you never saw her with me, you saw her twin…

…and frankly Naomi, we're all very disappointed that you couldn't tell them apart."

"Not true babe, I'm not disappointed in you at all. Ignore her."

Emily said quickly, but it's ok, I've already seen the famous Stonem smirk on her lips, I know she's taking the piss. I looked back at Katie who shuffled a little uncomfortably under my stare.

"and you have the fucking cheek to call me 'lezzer'." I can't help my lips from twitching a little; it's so fucking incongruous I want to laugh out loud.

"Fuck off Campbell, it's a nickname deal with it. I'll call you that until the day I die. If you're lucky that is."

"Fuck off Katie."

I ran my hand up and down Emily's thigh squeezing gently, she's getting a little wound up and there's really no need.

"It's ok hun, I know she's messing about as well. I'm not offended, she's called me that for so long now I'm used to it."

"Look you two, if everyone's done apologising and joking around will you both sod off and let Naomi get some rest?"

Actually that's probably not that bad an idea, I'm not tired at the moment, but I am hurting just a little. My head is pounding and it must be hours until my next dose of drugs. Frankly a bit of quiet time to process all this would be nice about now.

"So Naomi, are you going home today or are you staying here?"

"She's staying here Eff, I'm not letting her move for a day or so."

I looked up at Emily, my eyebrow raised. "Feisty, don't I get a say in this?"

She glared back at me, "No Naomi you don't. Gina said you need rest and you won't get that by travelling around. If you want to go home tomorrow and you're feeling better we'll think about it."

'_Well that's me told.'_

"Do you need anything Emsy? We could drop some stuff around later if you want."

Bloody hell, is that Katie _"it's all about me" _Fitch thinking about her sister? Seriously, what happened whilst I was out? Is this some kind of fucking parallel dimension where Ems is a bitch and Katie is the nice one?

'_Perhaps I'll keep that thought to myself'_

"Thanks Katie, that would be great if you could bring us some clothes, toothbrushes and the like."

"Yeah, I'll dig you something out for you, anything special you want bringing?"

She shook her head and looked down at me.

"Nah, I'm not bothered, any change of clothes would be good."

"I wasn't asking you Campbell, you'd look like a tramp whatever I brought you. I could put you in a thousand pound designer dress and you'd look like you got it from Oxfam."

"Funny Katie, real funny. Now why don't you take your Judy Garland shoes and trot off with your girlfriend there and leave me in peace with mine."

We're laughing now, well I'm smiling and trying not to. Laughing with my headache isn't a good plan. Happily, Ems has relaxed and stopped trying to be my bodyguard and is enjoying the banter. I'm glad because it's taking a special effort to appear normal at the moment.

"Naomi's right Kay, we should head back, especially if we're going to drop off some bits later. We'll have some lunch and pop back."

"Er, guys. I think I kind of left the place in a bit of a mess the other day. You might want to be a bit careful."

"It's ok Naomi, we cleaned up yesterday once the police let us go."

Police? There's a story for later. I looked at Effy as she gave me her trademark smirk and held out her hand to Katie who wandered across and took it.

"Besides whilst these two are here we've a house to ourselves. Imagine the fun we could have."

The smirk turned into a grin, I'm faced with a memory flash that I could well do without, one that pushed me over the edge into rage and despair.

"Naomi, one thing before we go." I looked back into Effy's eyes. "Emily wasn't on the rooftop, it was Katie, so the things you said up there, I think you should tell her…soon…She needs to know, ok?"

With that cryptic message she pulls Katie from the room and I hear them say goodbye to mum and Kieran. Emily stood up from where she had been sitting and looked down at me.

"Come on Campbell, you're on my side of the bed…move over."

Carefully I slid across the bed until I left enough room for her to sit down properly and she swung her feet up onto the bed and sat back into the pillows I'd just vacated.

"So then," she said sliding her head onto my shoulder and twisting to wrap her arm around me. "What was it you said up there that I need to know?"

I took a breath as she leant up and nuzzled into my neck, kissing me lightly; despite the pounding in my skull I could feel my heart racing. To think less than 24 hours ago I wanted nothing more than for her and her sister to fuck off out of my life and leave me alone. One set of doubts and one talking to later and that's all evaporated as if it had never happened.

She's like an addiction my Emily. She always has been. I know she's bad for me, I know she can cause me so much hurt, but I can't help but keep going back, no matter the consequences. Hurt, humiliation, rejection and pain, they're all synonymous with our relationship but I don't care. I can't stay away from her.

I guess I am, and always will be a slave to her, and how she makes me feel. The sad truth is that right now I couldn't care less.

"Ems, if you want to talk you'd better stop doing that."

She didn't stop, just carried on the light kisses along my neck. "You want me to stop Nai?" she asked gently.

"Not really hun, but it is slightly distracting."

She pulled away and sat up on the bed staring straight into my eyes.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you? How much I've missed you over the last few days?

I've not got an answer to that, not really. I just blink at her and purse my lips. I know how much I love her, but that's not really an answer. She reached out her hand and gently stroked my cheek, without thinking I close my eyes and lean into her touch as her fingers sent shivers down my spine.

"What did you say to Effy on the roof hun? Why did she think it was important?"

"I think I said a lot of things Ems, but the one thing I remember is the last thing I said."

"and that was?" there's a hint of pleading in her voice.

I dragged back the memory, the first one I had after I woke up.

"I said, and you've got to remember hun, I thought it was you up there, not Katie, I had no idea it was Katie."

"I know babe, go on."

"I think I said _'I love you Emily, I always have and I always will, remember that.'_, something like that anyway,"

I watch in a little bit of wonder as her eyes fill with tears that she quickly blinked away.

"Is that when you tried to fucking jump?"

'_Shit'._

_._

_._

_._

**A/N – I'm in Skins-ville today, greetings from sunny Bristol. Only wish I was in town again rather than stuck out by the airport, not much to do out here...so I guess I'll just have to carry on writing the next chapter or two. Time for that talk I think.**

**Thanks for sticking with this guys, and thanks for the nice words you've sent.**


	27. Dragons Unwrapped

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **For my faithful companion and my best friend. See you in Albion buddy, I miss you.

**Chapter 27 – Dragons Unwrapped.**

_Naomi_

"_Is that when you tried to fucking jump?"_

'_Shit'._

Actually, shit doesn't really cover it; not by a fucking long shot.

"Ems…"

"Look Naomi, it's ok…you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

Well she called it right there didn't she? Though I know she doesn't mean it I really don't want to talk about this…like ever.

However this isn't going to go away, time to be brave like I know she expects me to be.

"No Ems, I need to do this…we need to do this. This is as good a time as any."

"Really?"

'_No of course not bloody-really Ems; there'll never be a good time for this talk…fucks sake Naomi pull it together, for gods sake don't self destruct again.'_

I'm about to answer with the less than honest 'yes,' when we're interrupted by a knock at the door and the sight of mum's head poking around.

"You ok girls? Do you both want a cup of tea? Are you ready for lunch now?"

She spits the questions out one by one at a rapid pace with a stupid goofy grin on her face. I'm about to answer when I'm beaten to it.

"Yes to the first and yes please to the rest. Thanks mum."

There she is again with the mum thing. Where the fuck has this come from all of a fucking sudden? With her best goofy smile still plastered on her face mum just winks and disappears and I'm faced with Ems looking at me again. I give her with my best '_what the hell?'_ face.

"What?"

"Mum…again?"

"Yeah well, she's been like a mum to me for ages. It just slipped out earlier ok?"

I shrug in reply, nodding as I do so. It does seem like they've got closer to each other than ever before during the last few days. It's nice really, they never got much of a chance to get to know each other in the time between the Love Ball and mum leaving on her trip and most of the times Ems came round to see me we were, well, more often than not otherwise engaged.

"Don't do that Naomi," she said scowling at me. "Gina is a wonderful fucking mother and you know it. She's treated me like I was special from the first morning I spoke to her and I love her to bits. Don't get all moody with me because you like to treat her like shit and I don't."

Oh for fucks sake, here we go again. Why do we just do this to each other? Are we really that defensive around each other now? Why would she think I'm bothered about her calling mum that? She could call her Nelson Mandela for all I cared as long as I'm around to hear it._ 'Tread carefully here Naomi; don't fuck this one up like you usually do.'_

"Ems I'm not being moody, honest; I just don't have anything to say. You think about mum like that, it's fine with me, more than fine. I just wondered where it came from that's all...and I don't treat her like shit, haven't for ages. Not since she gave me some very good advice; and kicked all the freeloading losers out of our home."

I watched as her shoulders relaxe_d, 'Go me!'_ For once in my life I must have _actually_ picked the right answer from all the choices available to me. Someone please record this moment for posterity, it is a fucking miracle.

"Frankly, Naomi, I don't care if you mind or not, Gina's told me to call her mum if I feel like it…and I fucking feel like it ok?"

I can't help but smile at her faux-ferocity; I can see the smile that's fighting to break out.

"Jeez Ems…I'm not Katie you know, you don't have to yell at me like that."

"After lunch Naomi darling, after we get this talk out of the way I may need to yell at you a lot ok? Consider this a rehearsal."

I'm kind of subdued at that; it sort of takes the wind out of your sails being told that you're going to get yelled at...albeit only probably. Still I made a promise all those weeks ago at the shed that I'd try and explain things to her; and I guess, headache or not that's what I'm being asked to do.

"Helloooo, Naomi...you in there?"

My brain snaps back into sharp focus with a jolt that's actually physically painful in my current state. My head now feels like the wrecking crew of hobbits have downgraded from pneumatic drills to hammers again, but it's still fucking painful. I blink a couple of times to get my vision back into focus and I look at her. She looks a little anxious.

"You all right Nai?"

"Erm..Yeah. I'm fine Ems why?"

She frowned at me, "because you just fucking zoned out there for a minute or two and completely fucking ignored me. I was worried you'd had a relapse or something."

"Sorry hun, I guess I was just thinking."

"Well fucking stop it."

Damn, she looks so serious at that pretty stupid statement I can't help but chuckle at it, I have to say I regret it moments later as the hobbits find their drills and start pounding again but it's worth it moments later to see her laugh as well.

"I meant stop worrying me Campbell, not stop thinking." She slapped at my leg as she said this as I tried desperately not to laugh properly; actually fuck the pain, this is worth it.

"Fuck you; you know what I meant...stop it."

With perfect timing I'm rescued from any further beatings by mum arriving with a couple of bowls of soup, lots of freshly baked, (presumably by the supermarket), bread and a huge pot of tea.

"Here you go girls, lunch is served. I thought some more soup would be good. I've got us all something nice for dinner as well whilst I was out. There's lots of bread and I've got some nice Danish pastries for afters if you're still hungry."

"Thanks mum," I get in before Emily can. As usual she goes one better by getting off the bed, helping mum with the food and then giving her a hug.

"Thanks mum, Katie and Effy are going to drop some stuff off later. If you don't mind I'm going to stay here until Nai's ready to come home."

"Would it matter if I minded dear?"

Emily just smiled and shook her head. "Didn't think so. Right then, Mr. Grumpy in there is demanding we go to the pub so we're off out for a bit. Emily if you need anything just call me or drop me a text ok."

Ems just hugged her and whispered something into her ear. Mum just nodded before walking over and giving me a gentle hug and a kiss.

"We won't be long love, you just get some rest. Your tablets are on the side, you can take another two after you've eaten. It's more or less time for your next dose. I'm sure Emily there will look after you."

'_I'm sure she will mum, look after me or kill me, I'm not too sure which it's going to be at the moment.'_

o+o+o

We sat and ate lunch in a sort-of comfortable silence; to be absolutely honest I'm not feeling that hungry, I'm actually a little worried about having this chat; but Emily kept telling me to eat something and I'm not about to argue. The soup itself is actually pretty good; it's chunky and filling without being sickly and the slices of bread really are good when you dunk them in. The really good thing is that I'm not even feeling sick after eating, which is a real bonus. I think the little bit of toast I ate earlier has definitely helped.

Finally convinced I'm done I gingerly put my half finished bowl of soup on the bedside table and sat back with my cup of tea. As I look up all I can see is a pair of brown eyes looking at me. I can't help but shrink a little under the intensity of that gaze; she's sat cross legged at the foot of the bed just staring at me, her bowl lying empty on the duvet next to her, the mug of tea cradled in her lap.

"So?" she said.

"So…" I replied, "You sure you're ready for this?"

"Only if you are babe."

"Well I guess Effy's kind of forced my hand on this yeah?"

She smiled somewhat sadly at me, "Yeah, she does that doesn't she?"

I nodded and took a breath, _'here we go Naomi, be brave.'_

"Right, remember that night in the shed?"

Her eyes lost focus for just a second and a slight smile came over her face.

"Like I'll ever be able to forget it."

"Well remember I said that one day I'd try and explain it all to you, but I didn't know if I'd ever be able to?"

She nodded in reply, her eyes not leaving mine.

"Well I guess this is the time. I know you want to know about what happened the other day, but I think it's time that you understood it all…understood me."

I took another breath and a sip of my rapidly cooling tea, before closing my eyes and beginning.

"It all started when I was five, five or six anyway…I was in a park watching the other kids play…"

My mind drifted back to the memories of that day, the day mum told me the truth about dad. I recounted that little story to her, gave her the full history in loving detail; watching as her eyes filled with tears.

"So there you go, that's where it all started anyway, that's where my first Dragon was born."

"Dragon?" she asked quickly before I could continue. "You wrote something about that a couple of weeks ago, on our board. You wrote _'You are my Dragon' _just after we got back together. I always meant to ask what that meant."

'_Ah well, here we go.'_

How do you explain something you only grasp the edges of yourself? How do you explain something that you don't understand, you just feel?

"It's something I read once Em. It's probably all metaphysical nonsense of course, but it works for me, helps me make sense of things, sort of anyway. Basically the gist is every fear, every little thing that tortures your soul, well they're turned into your Dragons and they tear at you to kind of protect you. They fight you doing the things you sometimes want to do to keep you safe, to keep you intact.

You once said that I put up walls to protect myself, well you were wrong. I built a fucking castle and filled it with Dragons. The first one, the first thing I ever realised I was scared of was my fear of being alone. The fear that everyone would fuck off and leave me like my dad did; that I'd be left alone, that I deserved to be alone. So my Dragon let me push people away. You can't leave me if I don't let you close. I'm not left alone if it's by my choice people fuck off."

She looked at me, I'm not sure if she understood exactly what I meant but I pressed on regardless, the dam was broken now and like the last time I had poured my heart out to her I couldn't stop.

"So then it was all about mum; you told me off before, you keep telling me I treat her like shit and you're right. But what you have to understand is my next issue was my fear of committing to someone, basically because of her."

I told her about the communes, the 'surrogate' parents, the protests and the abandonment's and how I felt on every occasion where mum left me alone.

"So you were scared that she'd abandon you as well?"

"Yeah…no. I wasn't scared that she'd abandon me as such, she just left me with the fear that if I committed to anyone, anyone at all that they'd cause me pain. Eventually I just firmly believed that if I let people get close they'd reject me, then I'd really be alone. Like mum kept leaving me alone, like dad did. Deep down I always knew it was my fault, my two Dragons made everything so fucked up, so I locked myself away to protect myself from them."

"But it wasn't your fault." She gripped my outstretched legs with her hands, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "How could you think it was your fault?"

"Because if mum hadn't have got pregnant with me they would still be together, because if _I_ hadn't come along she would have been happy."

"Nai that's rubbish, Gina loves you, you must know that."

"I know that now, I didn't back then. I just felt abandoned, she kept doing it and it kept hurting, especially because I really wanted her love back then. So I stopped interacting with people, closed myself off. Built another wall and let loose another fear. If I don't love anyone I _can't_ be hurt when they don't love me, when they choose to leave and they _always_ leave. Do you understand Ems…everyone _always_ leaves me and it tears me apart every time; you said I was always scared and you were right. I am always scared, I'm scared of being rejected, scared of being alone."

"I'm not going to leave you Nai; I never wanted to leave you."

I shrugged, "well back then I couldn't take the risk. Anyway, that's what I was like back then, what made me what I was…then I met you. Well actually that's when I saw you because we never met."

"First day at school? When you were 12?"

"First assembly on the first day at school if you must know, I wasn't quite 12, not for a couple of weeks anyway. You walked in behind Katie in that fucking awful pink checked dress they made us wear as our school uniform. But I remember you were wearing a matching pink checked bow in your hair and my whole world tumbled down around me. I had no idea at all what I felt, but I knew I felt something special.

I was fucking obsessed with you, I must have drove mum absolutely mad. I came home every day for weeks and told her all about the things you'd done and said in school. She kept asking me to invite you round, told me it was good to have a friend. But I never did, told her you were busy, or were shy or your mum made you go straight home after school. She even got all excited one day when I said you couldn't visit because you'd joined the choir and had to practice; she wanted us to go along and listen to the school concert to support 'my friend Emily'.

I just couldn't tell her that I'd never even spoken to you, that I couldn't speak to you. After a while it all got too much and I shut down again, locked you away so you couldn't hurt me any more. As I got older I knew that what I felt was love, or at least something similar. I loved my idealised Emily, my perfect girl."

"I was your _perfect_ girl?" she interrupted, eyes wide with astonishment "Way back then?"

"Way back then…now, probably forever. Everyone I have ever met, everyone I have ever got even slightly close to I have judged against your standard...truth is no-one has ever come close."

"So why couldn't you talk to me? If you liked me that much why didn't you just say hello one day...am I that scary to you?"

She looks hurt again, I'm scared again, scared that she's not getting this...not really.

"I wasn't scared of you in that way Ems, I was scared of my fears; I was scared of how I felt. I wanted to get close to you but I was scared you'd reject me, you know, because girls don't love girls; and even if I'd tried to be your friend, well then I'd get close and then you'd leave me and I would be fucking broken. Besides, you were Katie's twin and she seemed to go out of her way to make my life miserable, even back then.

I always thought that if I got close to you in _any_ way, if we even became friends you would be able to hurt me like no-one else could. I couldn't handle the rejection Ems; I couldn't, still can't, handle the fact that I might have to live the rest of my life without you. I couldn't face the thought that I could have the one thing I always wanted, only to lose it. In my little world I convinced myself that it was better to lose by not playing the game, rather than allow myself to love you and get hurt.

So I left myself in my ice age, frozen out and safe from you. Safe, but still hurting."

She looked at me sadly, "So what changed babe, what changed for you?"

I take a breath and a sip of my tea whilst I compose myself again. I'm surprised that she doesn't know; perhaps she does, perhaps she's testing my resolve. Well I'm in it for the long haul this time, cross heart and hope to die time.

"You changed hun, you changed me. You said earlier that it was a turning point when I came up and spoke to you; well I think it must have been for both of us. I dug up a bit of courage and I said hello and you were so cute when you talked back to me I was fucking ecstatic that you were willing to talk to me. I don't remember a thing about what you said, not one fucking word. All I can remember is that my soul was screaming and I wanted nothing more than to dance a little jig right on that spot. My Emily, my perfect, beautiful dream girl had actually wanted to speak to me."

"What made you speak to me though Nai, what gave you the courage?"

I drag my fuzzy mind backwards through time to a spring morning a few years ago.

You smiled Ems, that was it; you just smiled...well smirked really. I doubt you remember but a couple of days before we spoke Katie was having a real go at me with her bitchy little friends."

"She was calling you a bookworm!"

Fuck, I'm impressed, she actually remembers.

"Yeah, and I called her on it, because I'd learnt to be that sarcastic bitch I mentioned."

She smiled back with sad eyes, "you told her you were amazed that she knew that you were actually reading as the book you had didn't have pictures in it like the one she'd just finished. Then you asked her if she'd enjoyed her latest adventure with Spot the Dog."

I smile back as best I can at the memory. She got it bang on, exactly as I remembered it...and I do remember everything about that memory because of what happened next.

"Then I walked away, and as I did do I noticed you were smirking. You had your head down and you were smiling at Katie's embarrassment. You looked at me when I walked away and I thought for one brief second that it could be all right, that you weren't behind Katie...not in that way. I thought that it might be safe to at least say hello and see if I could cure myself of you."

"Cure yourself? What does that mean?"

"Just that Ems, I wanted to see if by talking to you, giving in to my wants and fighting my fears I could remove the hold you had on my heart. Allow me to take the part of me you'd stolen back."

"And?"

She sounds annoyed at the 'cure' comment. Well she wanted the truth so here it is.

"You know what happened next Emily, I let myself get a little bit close to you and then you kissed me at that party. You fucking kissed me and then when Katie stormed in you ran away and pretended it was all my fault. My fucking Dragons were proved right and boy didn't they let me know. I'd allowed myself to get close and you left me alone, worse; you left me to deal with Katie. If she hated me before that night it was a whole new level the next day, and the next and the next. Every fucking day she was around me was filled with insults and beautiful little Emily just stood there and let it happen."

"But you never said anything Naomi; you never told Katie the truth."

"Of course I didn't tell her the truth. Jesus Emily, don't you get it. I fucking loved you even then, even in the second fucking ice age where you left me. I loved you, do you honestly think I would have spoken up and told Katie the truth about what had happened? Do you think I could allow her to turn her hatred onto you?"

I shook my head, ignoring the pounding from within. "I was happy to take the abuse Ems, because I had my walls back up. Fighting Katie, well it was like a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. She threw her insults at me and I took them, because every bitchy comment, every 'lezzer' crack I took meant you didn't have to endure the same. I let her think it was my fault for you Emily...I thought you knew that."

She lowered her eyes and shook her head slightly.

"I just thought, well...I don't know what I thought. I guess I thought you hated me."

"I did Ems, I did, but I loved you as well. So I was safely locked down, emotions under wraps and then College arrived and it was all a fucking mess. Everywhere I turned you were there, then it was Cook's birthday, Panda's party and then the lake. By then I had nothing left to work with. You'd snuck past all my walls like a fucking ninja and I lost myself, I lost my will to fight. That night at the lake was fucking perfect for me, it was without a doubt the best night of my life...and before you say anything not just because we made love for the first time. For me we could have curled up on that blanket and just talked and it would have been the best night of my life because I was with you and you could see me, the real me. Not the mask I wear every fucking day. But then morning always comes around and I ran, because everything I knew told me I had to. I had to rebuild my fucking walls and push you away.

But you chased me anyway, then there was the Love Ball and our relationship and that scared me more than anything that had ever happened before because I've _always_ had the doubt in my mind that one day you'd realise that I'm not worth your efforts and leave me. I think I've always known, always been scared, that I may not be able to go on the way I used to if that ever happened."

She looked at me, her face impassive, and then she just shook her head her eyes showing the question to come. I knew what she was going to ask, what she had already asked before...this time I've got nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide from it. This time it's inevitable I'll have to answer her.

"So you _did_ try to jump then? You did try to kill yourself? "

And there it was, once again laid out in front of me for discussion. I can hear the pain in her voice as she asked me. What do I say? 'Yes Em I wanted to kill myself for you?' 'No Em it was all a big misunderstanding and I wanted them to leave me alone?' In the end I decide to be brave and go with the plain and simple truth.

"I don't know Ems, really I don't. If I'm honest, no; I can't say I did. I lost my temper that day, I saw you, well someone I thought was you, with Eff and I just lost control. All my fears raged uncontrolled.

You've _got_ to understand, I lost _all_ my barriers that night in Freddie's shed, I gave up every mechanism I had to keep myself protected...keep me sane. I saw the two of you together that morning and I _knew_ that I'd lost you...that _everything_ was a lie and you _had_ finally come to your senses and decided to find yourself someone that wouldn't behave like a fucking bitch to you. Someone that wouldn't keep running. You'd done the sensible, sane thing and moved on again; like I always knew you would."

"Nai…"

She's crawling up the bed now, grabbing my free hand in hers and squeezing it tightly.

"But it wasn't me Nai. I've barely seen Effy, not since we went shopping."

I shrugged, accompanied by the now customary wince and I sipped my tea as my heart started to beat that little bit faster at this, the most simplest of touches.

"Yeah, well. I didn't know that did I?"

Perhaps I should have though, perhaps if I wasn't such a fucked up mess I would have.

"Anyway, eventually I went home. I sat around for ages until I was sure the place was empty; I finished my playlist, wrote my note and headed to the one place I hoped you'd recognise. I must have sat on that rooftop for hours waiting; hoping and praying that you'd work it out, that you'd come. I don't know why or what for. I'm not sure what I was hoping you'd say. I just wanted you to find me. All I really knew was that if you didn't come I was leaving Bristol, for good, and I was going to try and rebuild my life somewhere far away from here and all the memories…then I guess you know what happened."

"Eff and Kay found you, not me."

"Yeah, but I thought you'd come with fucking Effy. It was like pouring vinegar into my wounds. I honestly couldn't believe that you'd come to find me with her, couldn't bear the fact that you'd bring your new girlfriend with you to come and see me again. All that shit with fucking Mandy it all came rushing back and it hurt, Ems; it hurt so fucking much. Everything I was scared of was there in that moment, the rejection of someone I'd been so close to, that I'd given up everything I held dear for, that I love more than anything in my miserable life."

"But…"

"Ems, you keep asking me if I tried to jump, I don't know…I really don't know. I remember turning away from them, I remember not thinking too clearly, I think I tried to step off, perhaps I was just faking, but the truth is I don't remember what happened…I don't remember anything clearly at all I just get flashes of memory.

If you're going to push me for an answer I think that I might have tried, ok? I certainly fucking considered it when I was sat up there. I'd lost everything through my own fucking stupidity and everything was a mess, my head wasn't straight and anything is possible.

I was as miserable as I've ever been in my whole fucking life, that's all I know."

"Jesus Nai…"

"The rest you know, I guess. Well apart from what happened before, what happened with Sophia, why I did what I did."

"Naomi."

"I'm not sure if I can explain that but I'll try…"

"_Naomi!"_

I stopped speaking at the insistence in her voice and opened my eyes once again to look at her.

"Why did you write that I was your dragon hun, if dragons are your fears?"

Fuck, she's never the one for the easy question is she? I wrestle through the pain in my head to find an answer that might satisfy her, fucked if I can find one though, back to Plan A, back to my explanation. She needs to know it all or she'll never be able to understand.

"Ems, you weren't a fear, not like that. Look, Sophia, she was because of you, I said that but it's not fair to make you think it was just that. I was terrified of failing, failing in all my big dreams and all my plans in life. All my plans for Uni and making a difference in the world; everything went to shit the moment we got together, and probably before even that. I had my plans for the future and they didn't include going to Mexico, taking a year or two years off to go travelling. Didn't include _anything_ like that. My dreams for the future didn't include anything but going to University and getting my degree. Then there was me and you, and I had to try and factor that into my plans and I thought I had a way, thought I could do it.

Then all that shit happened over the Yale open day last summer and I didn't want to go through that again. Didn't want to disappoint you or me again.

So that's why I lied and sneaked away to the open day at Goldsmiths, that's when I met her and it snowballed from there. It was stupid; it was a one-off stupid weak mistake that I regretted instantly. She always wanted more but I turned my back on her and ran. Just one more person to run from; this time though it was because I knew I'd fucked up, knew that I'd broken something that I really wanted. I should have told you from the start but I just couldn't, because I was terrified of being alone, terrified of losing you.

I did it to spite you and ended up realising how much I loved you. Basically hun I'm a fucking emotional disaster area and I've never understood why you put up with me. I've done nothing but push you away, hurt you and fuck up our relationship since I was fucking 12."

"Doesn't explain what you wrote babe."

"No, but you need to understand. That fear of failing our relationship outweighed the fear of rejection and being alone. That relationship was all about _you_ and I came to realise as I battled through my fears that you were _always_ there for me, standing up for me; trying to help me come to terms with everything, trying to help me be brave.

You were the dragon that helped me beat my fears and as long as you were by my side everything was going to be all right. As soon as I thought I'd lost you again, that's when it all started going wrong. As soon as my jealousy started to consume me, I guess I was fucked. It was like an avalanche of emotions, it just crushed me and without you beside me I had no control over it at all."

"So I was your protector, metaphysically?"

"No, you were my protector physically Ems. You were the one thing that made me face up to everything I'm scared of and try to overcome them, you were the one thing that gave me the courage to walk into that shed and say what I said, suspecting that you'd reject me, but knowing I had to try."

"But I didn't reject you."

"No, and for that I think I'll always be grateful Emily. You gave us another chance, one that I probably didn't deserve, not after all the other chances you'd given me."

She glared at me, her eyes filled with pity and, I think, disappointment. _'God that hurts,'_ I think I can handle her anger, but not her disappointment…definitely not her pity. One more squeeze of the hand then she spoke again.

"Naomi, you are _so_ bloody stupid. How many times do I have to tell you how much I love you, why can't you just allow yourself to believe that?"

"I guess because deep down I know I'm a screw up Ems, because I guess I know that I don't deserve anyone as perfect as you."

"Perfect," she snorted, "Oh I'm so fucking perfect aren't I. I thought I made it clear how totally not perfect I am this morning. Seriously Naomi, you're putting me on a pedestal that I don't deserve to stand on. I thought I'd made it clear, I'm a screw up as well."

I shake my head, the hobbits howl in protest but I try to ignore them. I must have failed because she's right there in a second.

"Jesus Nai, will you fucking stop that…here, let me get your painkillers."

"No Ems, I want to have a straight head for this. You know they just put me to sleep."

She looked at me puzzled as she took the empty cup from my hand and reached for the box that mum left on the bedside table.

"Straight head for what?"

"For this, this talk…the one you wanted yeah?" seriously _I'm_ supposed to be the one with the head injury.

"I think we've talked enough for now Nai. I'm going to need a bit of time to process all that, but I understand…at least I'm starting to. For now do as your told, take the painkillers, lie the fuck down and rest ok?"

She pops the two oversized tablets out of their plastic blisters.

"I haven't finished Ems."

"You have, I've decided." She pushed the tablets into my hand and pushed it closed before bringing it to her lips and kissing my knuckles.

"Enough now ok?" she continued, her voice softer than before, "let's just forget all of this shit and concentrate on getting you better ok?"

"But…"

"I know Naomi, we'll need to talk further, but not now and not like this. Take the tablets and rest…please."

I go to protest one more time, my heart really isn't in it.

"For me hun, please?" she added proffering the glass of water to me.

I can't really say no to that now can I?

o+o+o

_Emily_

Jesus, seriously if there's a lesson in life that I wish I could share with everyone in the world it's this...be careful what you wish for; sometimes it can be too much.

I wanted Naomi to be brave; I wanted her to want me back. I _never_ wanted her to fucking destroy herself in the process. Now I'm left desperately trying to process everything that she's told me.

After she finally took the painkillers from the rapidly depleting pack, we sat and held hands. We'd talked about things, safe things, about how she was feeling, where the pain was, nothing heavy. Eventually I dragged myself away from her and took our lunch things and washed them up in the tiny sink in the kitchen. I put on the kettle and fussed around making us both a drink of tea. On past performance Nai would be asleep pretty soon; it seemed that she had, at best, an hour after taking her tablets before they would cause her to drift off. Hopefully then I'd have a chance to think about the things she'd shared with me.

If I'm honest they scare me a little, is it right to have that much hold over another person's life? Is it right that if, in the future, something bad happens between us that I would feel that I had to stay with her because of what she's said? Can I put that much pressure on myself? Could our relationship survive that kind of strain?

'_Fuck it, shut up Emily that's not going to happen.'_

Yeah, but what if it did...

I'm forced to dismiss this melancholic thought process as I hear the flushing of the toilet. I rush into the small hallway to see a half dressed Naomi wander out of the bathroom and half walk, half stagger across to the bedroom.

'_Fucks sake...'_

"Naomi, why didn't you call me?"

She looked up at me with her blue eyes dulled slightly with pain and tiredness, but I'm amazed to see a hint of her old haughtiness present in that gaze as well.

"Emily, I'm not crippled. I'm perfectly capable of taking myself to and from the bathroom you know."

I'm not sure if I want to cry at the rejection, or cry with happiness at the fact that I've just seen a glimpse, a faint shadow of the woman I fell in love with.

"I know Nai, I just..."

"I know Ems, I know. I'm ok, I just need to do things myself you understand?"

I nod and look up at her, my eyes starting to brim a little with tears of happiness.

"Fuck Ems, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to snap. Look, if it means that much you can help me back to bed."

I can't help but smile, she's standing in the hallway, probably totally unaware that her eyes keep drifting off into the thousand yard stare and she's swaying slightly on her feet. She reached out her hand to me and as I took it she took a step towards the room and did a good impression of a new born calf, all crossed legs and no coordination. Quickly I grab at her and hold her upright.

"Fucks sake Naomi, do you have to be so fucking independent all the time?"

"Sorry Ems, I'm a bad patient what can I say? I don't do ill."

I snort at that and half lead, half carry her back into the bedroom and sit her on the bed before turning to go and finish our drinks.

"Not going to tuck me in then babe?"

Naomi with her best _poor ickle me _voice. I'm not going to react, not the way she wants anyway.

"I'm sure you're perfectly capable of tucking yourself in."

Ha, a little victory for me, throw her own words back at her. Happy, I head to the doorway.

"Yeah, but I don't do it as well as you do..."

Pausing, I turn back at the doorway and pull a face at her as I watch her pull the duvet over her legs. I simply stand there as she struggles along, hands on my hips, feigning exasperation

"Just so you know; I'm not here to be your nursemaid Naomi Campbell, so don't expect me to be at your beck and call."

But I am, I so am...I've decided; I'm here to be anything she needs me to be, nursemaid, confidant, lover, whatever. I will be everything she needs me to be as long as I am two things as well, as long as I'm hers, and as long as I'm still Emily. I've come too far to lose that; just as we've come too far to lose us.

"Right then," I say as she winks back at the look on my face. "I was making us some more tea."

"White, one sugar Nurse Fitch." She says as soon as my back is turned. _'Damn her, she has to have the last word.'_

"I know."

'_Not this time though.'_

o+o+o

_Effy_

"Thank fuck for that."

Well, I'm not sure I'd put it quite that way, but I certainly share the sentiment. Katie has, shall we say, a uniquely simple way of looking at the world.

"Nicely put Kay, I assume you're happy that they're back together."

"Well duh!"

'_Nice'_

"Eff? What we going to do for the rest of the day?

I thought about this for a second, we actually have a few things to do. For starters we'd promised to take some stuff back to Naomi and Emily so we needed to go back to Naomi's to get it. We also needed to get something to eat, and soon.

"Not sure Kay, what do you want to do?"

She linked her arm with mine as we walked towards the bus stop, "Well I was thinking we could go somewhere and eat, I'm fucking starving."

"Sounds like a plan Kay. We do need to get those two the clothes and toiletries we promised them though, remember?"

She gave me that look, the one that tells me I'm being dense. I'm not sure when it was in the last couple of days she developed it, but I've seen it twice now, three times if you count right now.

"I hadn't forgotten you know, it was only like five minutes ago."

She scowled at me as she said it and pulled her arm from mine; shit, now I've made her mad, and the day had been going so well up to this point.

"Katie, I didn't..."

She stormed on ahead, tossing her head in annoyance before turning round and scowling at me again.

"Got you!" She said with a sudden smile and a wink.

"Oh, you bitch!"

Seriously, when did she develop a sense of humour, and when did I become such a twat as to fall for it. This falling in love thing is seriously overrated; I've done it twice I should know. Though actually that's not right. I've done it once; I'm still not sure about this, where we are or where we're going.

"That's Fitch, Elizabeth Stonem – as well you know…and I totally had you going there."

She's practically celebrating as I shake my head in denial, _'who am I trying to kid?'_

"Oh, I so did, you can't deny it Stonem. I _totally_ got you then."

"Yeah, OK Katie, you had me going…well done."

I give her my very best sarcastic hand clap and smile back at her. She looked back disgustedly at me.

"Not very gracious Eff."

"Not very nice Kay."

"Yeah well, I thought it'd be funny to tease the 'all-knowing one'. Anyway," she continued, swiftly changing the subject. "Where do you want to eat Eff, posh or trashy?"

"I'm not eating in a burger joint again Kay." I replied, walking to catch her up and linking our arms again. "Not if you're going to pinch my fries all the time." I looked up at the blue skies above me marred only by the faintest hint of cotton wool clouds drifting by.

"How about we go shopping and have a picnic?"

o+o+o

About an hour later we're sat in Castle Park in town. We'd got off the bus and hit the nearest supermarket to pick up some bits and we're now sitting in the dappled shade of some trees down by the river having our impromptu picnic.

"It's a lovely day."

I have to smile, it really is. It's been a horrible couple of week's weather wise, there's been a lot of rain and grey skies; but today the sun is cracking the flags and there's a nice breeze blowing through the air that's helping to keep us cool.

It's nice this, just me and Katie. It's as if we're the only people in Bristol today, the park is practically the only area of green in the city, but it isn't very busy right now. The locals are presumably back at work and the tourists are probably over looking at the ruins of the Castle, and probably very disappointed. So it's just me, and her, and the sound of the wind moving the trees back and forth. I can't even here _their_ voices, at least not at the moment. I think it's Katie that's doing it. Like Freddie she manages to make the voices go away, even if it's only for a little while.

In a way I'm glad I spent that time back in hospital. I don't think I was ready for Freddie, for what he meant and what he did to me. That episode taught me to grow up, since that night I've stopped doing drugs, stopped the self destructive tendencies. I actually feel better for it, I've managed to get through the hell of the last few weeks without having to dive straight back into pills and booze. I think it's done me good, done us good. I'm not sure I could have managed this relationship the way I was. Not with Katie. Freddie stood side by side with me as we destroyed ourselves; something tells me Katie won't do that.

'_There's that word again, relationship'_ Jesus we've only had two fucking dates and I'm already in too deep. _'Just because we've had sex once doesn't mean anything...But it does doesn't it. It does this time because Katie made love to you and you fucking loved it. Admit it girl, why don't you just admit it. You want to be loved again."_

"Eff?"

I blink and look down at the redhead that's lying on the grass propped up on one elbow next to our bags.

"I said it's a lovely day, did you not hear me?"

"I heard you Kay, just kind of drifted off there you know?"

"I noticed, I think I've just talked at you for the last five minutes. If you'd just said I was boring you I could have saved my breath."

"Sorry Katie, I was just thinking. You said it was a lovely day and I was thinking about how nice it was being here with you. It's nice just the two of us, it's peaceful."

"No voices?"

I snap my head around at her only to find her big brown eyes staring back at me.

"I'm not daft Eff, I remember the hospital ok? You told me all about them." She reached over and placed her hand on mine. "It's not a problem babe; they're a part of you yeah? Don't be ashamed."

"I'm not ashamed of them Kay, I'm scared of them that's all. But no, no voices here; not today."

Katie just lay back and stared up into the sky, her hand moving only to twist around as she rolled back onto the grass before she placed it firmly into mine weaving our fingers together.

"Good, that's good Eff."

It is as well, she's right. I pushed the plastic carrier bags out of my way and lay back on the grass next to her.

"Kay, what are we doing?"

"I think we're enjoying ourselves in the sunshine."

"I meant what are _we_ doing Kay, are we _just_ enjoying ourselves?"

"Well I am Eff. I'm enjoying myself." She sat up slightly and looked down at me. "Aren't you?"

She doesn't get it; she thinks I'm just talking about this afternoon.

"No Katie, I don't mean now. I mean _us_. What are _we_ doing together..."

"I know what you mean Effy, aren't we just enjoying ourselves and seeing where this goes? I thought that's what you wanted."

She thought that's what _I_ wanted, fucking hell, it's what _she_ wanted isn't it? Keeping things a secret.

"Katie, I…well…" Should it be this hard? I guess I've got to be the bold one again.

"Katie I care about you ok? I'm not sure I want this to be _just_ about having a laugh together. Sorry if that frightens you but there it is. I am enjoying myself, but I want to know if this is serious, at least for now."

"What does that mean Eff, _'at least for now'_?"

I look up at her, her big brown eyes staring down at mine, swallowing me up.

"I don't know Katie, who knows what the future holds, but I'm serious, I want this to be serious. Do you?"

'_Oh God please let her say yes, I don't think I can go through all this shit again, not now.'_

She flops back down onto the grass. I can't help but feel my heart sink slightly; I knew this was all too good to be true. I knew I was pushing things but I thought I was right. _'Fucking hell Effy, you can't force people to feel, you have to let them show it in their own time.'_

I close my eyes and wait for her to say something, I'm waiting for ages...there's nothing but stony silence from the figure beside me.

o+o+o

_Emily_

Here I am again, back in the rickety little chair, watching on as the love of my life sleeps fitfully in a strange bed.

We'd drunk our tea, and sat back peacefully just whiling away the time. At Naomi's insistence we'd put on the small TV in the corner of the room and watched some afternoon programmes.

To be honest watching shows about people trying to make money at auctions or even worse, ones about smug Londoners, meeting other smug Londoners and trying to buy half of Gloucestershire with the proceeds from selling their one bedroom city shithole aren't my thing. But as we didn't have a remote control and I couldn't be bothered from moving from my position curled around Naomi; that's what we were stuck with.

She'd been slightly subdued, but I'd put that down to the concussion and the effects of the painkillers she took. I'd been waiting for her to fall asleep if I was going to be truthful, she needs to rest. I know I should leave her to rest, but I can't leave her. Don't want to leave her ever again.

"You ok babe?" I'd asked as I snuggled into her side carefully. "You're awfully quiet."

"Just thinking hun," she'd replied her voice slurring as if she'd been drinking. I'd just grinned and pulled her arm into my body linking my fingers with hers as I pressed myself to her.

"I thought I told you to stop thinking Nai."

"You told me to stop worrying you Ems, not to stop thinking." I'd had to laugh at that, I guess she had me there.

"Jesus Naomi, do you remember everything I tell you?"

"Pretty much Em."

'_Fuck'_ I'd though to myself, I was only joking as well. "Do you remember everything I do as well? What are you, some kind of crazy Emily Fitch stalker or something?"

"Pretty much Em." She'd said again. I'd felt her fingers gently squeeze my hand. "Ems?"

I simply grunted in response as I decided that words weren't needed, what I'd decided was needed was for me to kiss her gently on her bare shoulder.

"Do you know what you were wearing the day you came into school with your hair dyed?" she'd asked.

It was a bit random that; I thought it must be down to the drugs. Still I'd started racking my brains only to discover that no, I had no idea at all. All I can remember about that day, or more accurately the day before that, was mum going batshit at Katie and I when eventually we left the bathroom; hair bright red and a fake beauty spot carefully placed to mark Katie as 'different' and vice versa."

"No idea, why?" I'd replied.

"I do. Do you remember when I dyed my hair blonde?"

'_Shit, I fucking don't. I don't remember it at all.' _I'd decided that my memory had blanked it out if I had seen it. Sheepishly I told her so.

"I did it during the summer hols one year; I thought it would be a good idea. Went horribly wrong the first time; it came out more yellow than blonde. Mum had to fix it, well actually she got some feminist hairdressing student that was living with us to sort it out. After I got a lecture on not pandering to the 'oppressive male sexual stereotype of how a woman should be' that was."

"Is that why you did it babe, because blondes are more popular?"

"Kind of hun," there was a long pause and I'd listened carefully to her breathing as it levelled out. I'd known sleep was approaching her fast, I could recognise the signs. You can't spend as much time together as we had without noticing these things, well I assume you can't.

"I wanted to be like mum." She'd continued softly, "Everyone loved mum, and she was blonde. I had my dad's hair, all dark and horrible. I think I wanted to be loved Ems, I wanted to be loved by you. I dyed my hair so you'd notice me and it worked didn't it?"

I'd thought back as carefully as I could to my schooldays, I honestly couldn't remember a time when Naomi didn't have blonde hair. It seemed like, from the very first moment I clapped eyes on her, really _noticed_ her, she'd been a blonde. It was a remarkable revelation. As I thought, and remembered and racked my brains I had heard the familiar sound of her snores. Not the ear-splitting thunderous snores that a drunk Katie would inflict on me; but soft, gentle snores of someone gentle and kind. If a little insane.

Carefully I'd pulled myself up from our embrace and looked down at her face. Two tiny tear tracks had run down her cheeks but she looked so peaceful.

"I think you're right Naomi, I think it did work." I'd said as softly as I could before slipping out of the bed to turn off the background noise of the TV. As I sat down in the rickety chair I'd had a tear running down my face as well. She'd smiled in her sleep at my words, she knew she was right.

It had worked.

So here I am, trying not to disturb her, sitting here on the chair again; allowing her to rest. I'm happily off in my own world at the moment and I'm only brought out of it as I spot Gina's head pop round the door and look at the bed, before flicking around the room and settling on me. Gina smiled as she saw me and gestured for me to follow her out. I eased myself out of the chair and walked into the hallway.

"You ok Emily dear?"

"I'm fine, why?"

She shrugged her shoulders and wrapped me in a tight hug, my nose wrinkled at the faint smell of alcohol and cranberry juice that lingered on her breath.

"No reason dear, just wanted to make sure you were ok that's all."

I hugged her back tightly, "I'm ok now Gina, everything's ok now."

"Is it dear?"

I shrugged my shoulders in reply, "Not completely, but we're talking. We just need time together that's all. We just need to finish talking everything out."

She led me back into the main room; I smiled as I saw Kieran sprawled out on a chair, fast asleep.

"Sit down love," she said patting the sofa next to her. I sat down, sending nervous glances down the hallway to her room.

"Emily relax, she'll be fine."

"But she's always asleep Gina, she's slept all day. It just makes me nervous."

Gina patted me on the knee and smiled.

"Emily, she's on pretty strong painkillers. Doctor Hiller said she was likely to sleep for most of today."

She dug around in her bag and pulled out a new box of tablets and pressed them into my hands.

"There you go, they're the ones that she's to start taking tomorrow, they're a lower dosage so she might be somewhat more grumpy but she should be less likely to sleep.

She will need her rest though Emily so don't let her push herself too much. You know what she's like; you'll need to look after her."

This feels really strange, it's almost as if she's passing responsibility for Naomi over to me. It's not like I don't want it, I've always wanted it, but it doesn't make the situation any less strange.

"Like I could look after her Gina, you know how independent she is. She'll do what she wants whether I like it or not."

She looked at me as if I'd just said something really, really stupid.

"Oh Emily, you really don't get it do you? Have you not realised it yet?"

I just looked at her, puzzled, _'get what?'_

"Emily, if you asked that girl to walk through fire she'd start walking. She may be all bolshy and independent but she loves you with everything she has. Tell her what to do and tell her why, I very much doubt she'll say no; I think she's stopped fighting you."

"Yeah, I need her to stop fighting herself though."

Gina put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into her. As I put my head on her shoulder, I'm once again reminded of how fucking wonderful she really is; how lucky Naomi is to have her as a mother, despite the things she told me about her childhood.

"You know she's probably never going to stop fighting herself don't you Emily?" I shrugged, that's not really what I wanted to hear.

"In fact," she continued, "I hope she never does."

I tilted my head upwards so I could look at her, the obvious question resting on my lips.

"The day she stops fighting herself dear, might well be the day she'll give in to her fears again. She told me all about them when she came back from London. You keep praying that she keeps fighting Emily dear, because as long as she's fighting herself she'll always be with you. One day she might change, one day she might stop needing to fight herself; but it won't be tomorrow. I think we both know that."

Perhaps she's right, perhaps that's what Nai needs to do. Deep down though I long for the day when she doesn't need to fight herself over us, over me and she just accepts what we have. Perhaps that'll happen once we get away from here, perhaps I can help it along.

Sat here nestled into the shoulder of my 'surrogate' mother I have an idea, one for when she's better. One that might just help.

Yay me, I've got another plan, but first things first; let's get her better.

o+o+o

_Katie_

"_I don't know Katie, who knows what the future holds, but I'm serious, I want this to be serious. Do you?"_

I cannot believe that she's actually asking me that. After all it'd only been that morning when I'd come so close to telling her how much she meant to me. I lay back on the grass and pondered my response.

It feels fucking strange to be doing this. This is so not me. I've always been the one that makes all the decisions, I've always been the manipulator, the controller; I've always made my boyfriends dance to my tune. However I've always manipulated them and let them think they're making the choices. I can't do that with Effy it doesn't work with her, like it did with all the others.

Well apart from one, but I don't want to think about him.

It's _so_ different with Effy, I don't know why and it still confuses me; but for the first time in my life I feel completely out of control. I felt I loved Freddie, I _know_ I love Effy. _'What was it Naomi had said?' _

"At least you'll have a benchmark."

'_Yeah, she was so right.'_

The only problem is though that my benchmark was higher than how I'd felt about anyone else in my life, it wasn't high enough for this.

This is comfortable; no pressure, no fears. Well apart from the obvious one, that heart stopping, soul crushing fear of losing control.

I've always been in control, both of me and my relationships...always, until Emily escaped me_. 'Jesus, is that really how you think?'_ I berate myself, I always hated the thought of Emily and Naomi, not just because of the stigma, and how it would affect me. But because chasing that blonde gave Emily a sense of self belief. I never realised what she had been doing until the bonds I held her in were broken and she was off, running free and being Emily; no longer satisfied being Katie's 'less interesting' twin.

'_I wonder if that's why I hated it so much?'_

I guess I'll never really know. I'll probably spend a good portion of the rest of my life making up to her for being such a bitch.

As I lie there thinking I realise that Effy's let go of my hand, I roll over but she's not looking at me; deliberately not looking at me from what I can see. I get the familiar feeling as my blood starts to boil up, _'who the fuck does she think she is? Fucking ignoring me, fucks sake!'_

Then it hits me.

Then I realise exactly what kind of a fucking Muppet I really am.

She'd asked me a fucking question, a pretty important one as well and I hadn't replied; how typically Katie. Jesus she must think I'm a bitch and she'd probably be right. After all I'd not exactly been nice to Naomi earlier.

"Effy?"

"It's ok Katie, I understand. You don't have to answer that."

"No Effy you don't," I reply as calmly as I can, ignoring the sound of the hurt challenge in her tone, "I don't think you understand at all."

She turned her head to look at me, _'thank fuck for that,'_ She hits me with her laser beam eyes, the ones that cut through you, the ones that are almost too painful to look into; the ones that are tinged with the hurt that I've put there. I stare into those eyes and just feel. That's what she makes me do, feel.

"We haven't had much time to sort this Eff, everything's been a bit of a mess but I do care, I've told you I care, tried to tell you that I, well, I think I could love you, you know?"

She blinked at me, those beautiful eyes temporarily covered before beaming back into life.

"I'm serious Effy, more serious than I've _ever_ been about any relationship, I don't know where it's going but for now that's all I can tell you. I told you I don't feel like a worthless slag when I'm around you and I meant it. You make me feel like a normal person, that I can be a normal person. You make me feel less alone, less pathetic, less stupid."

"Relationship?" She asked interrupting my little speech.

"Yes Eff, relationship...that's what we're starting isn't it?

"Two dates Katie, that's all."

"Three if you count this, four if you count hunting down Naomi as a date and I seem to remember one pretty intimate moment in there as well. That's a relationship Effy, if you're not sure ask Emily, she's the sappy romantic twin. I'm sure she'll have an insight."

I watch as she gives me that look, the Effy Stonem look, "She already has Kay, she told me last night when she couldn't sleep."

Really? Now I'm fucking interested. What has my stupid fucking sister been saying about me? Quickly I voice that very same question.

"Nothing bad Kay, she just said that now she knew, she understood. That's all. It was kind of sweet of her don't you think?"

I don't know what to think, I've not got a fucking clue what she's on about. Effy does her party trick and manages to mind read me once again.

"She meant she understood why you'd been so different, why we'd been so different around each other. I think she managed to understand us quite well really. Not as well as I did with her and Naomi of course, but then I'm me."

I frown, not at Emily's comments, but about Effy's comment.

"I knew from the first day at college hun, it was pretty fucking obvious actually. In fact I was surprised that as a twin you hadn't noticed it yourself."

"What, that Naomi was gay? I so did!"

"No Kay, that Emily was; and that she wanted Naomi and Naomi wanted her. I think I'd known them for about, what? 20 seconds, if that; and I just knew."

Well she fucking would wouldn't she? She's a bloody mind reader.

"Yeah I am honey, better remember that as well."

'_Coincidence, nothing more than coincidence.'_

"So Katie, we're in a relationship are we?"

I nod sagely; glad that the conversation has moved on from my sister and her daft blonde girlfriend.

"Yes Eff, I believe we are." I felt her soft hand brush down my cheek as she leaned over and ever so gently placed her lips onto mine.

"Good," she said as she smiled and stared into my eyes, "then I won't feel guilty about asking you to take me home."

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Well, if that wasn't an eventful day I don't know what is? But that's fine, hopefully for the third, (or is it fourth) and final time I'm back with Emily and everything's ok.

Sort of ok.

I'm not jealous anymore, that's been well and truly knocked out of me; but I am feeling more than a little bit stupid. Now it's all been explained, now I've had time to consider it all I can easily see what a fucking mistake, what a series of fucking mistakes, I made.

But then isn't that the true explanation of a disaster, it's never one thing that goes wrong; it's always a series of minor things that build up, and build up and then BOOM everything's a fucking mess.

At least this time I've got the excuse that I genuinely tried to talk to Ems, I think she understood, that totally unnecessary but pretty little speech this morning told me that.

So we've talked, and slept; well I've slept a lot. We've had breakfast, lunch and supper together here in this room and now she's curled up in my arms, her head on my shoulder as I lie here and stare at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to consume me once again.

"Nai, you still awake?"

I can't help but roll my eyes; I know she can't see it in the gloom of the room, the only light coming from the crack in the curtains and the orange dusky glow of the streetlight that, inconveniently, is placed right outside the window. It doesn't matter she'll know what I'm doing, she always does.

"Ems, you _know_ I'm not asleep yet, why do you ask?"

"Politeness."

I chuckle gently and quietly, I can feel her look up at me as my body shakes.

"_What?_ I am polite; I always ask if you're awake before I talk to you."

She does as well, she always asks. It's just that I have several very vivid memories of her asking that very same question just after she's poked, prodded, elbowed or kissed me awake.

To be honest I'd never really minded, well only occasionally; and never when she used the latter approach.

"Nothing hun, just remembering stuff, that's all."

She gave me a slight dig in the ribs.

"OW!" I moaned, just slightly overacting the part. "See, that's what I was remembering, but you got it the wrong way around this time and you normally wait until I am asleep until you do it."

She snuggled her head back into my shoulder by way of reply, ignoring my teasing.

"What did you want anyway Fitchy?"

"What, apart from you never calling me that again on pain of...well...pain?"

Ok, for the second time today I decide to say 'fuck it' to the pain, real or promised. I really can't help but laugh at that one. I'm lying here holding my fucking head because it hurts so damn much and I'm laughing away and crying at the same time.

"Oh god, you are such a dork sometimes Ems!"

I'm rewarded for my cheek with a dig in the side as she sits up her head turned towards me. Even silhouetted in the dim light she is stunning, more than stunning...divine. The orange light is surrounding her perfect body like an aura and it's giving her a beauty that nearly stops my heart. My laughter soon stops as I'm drawn to her, drawn to the goddess that is sitting next to me, naked to the waist and staring down at me. If I could paint, if I could capture this image I'd be able to sell it for millions, everyone would want to buy it. Though if I could paint this picture I'd never sell it, it would be far too precious. I fix her image in my mind, store it away with all the rest of the mental images I have of her. File it under 'Emily Fitch', sub-category 'Pictures', sub-folder 'Love'.

"I do love you though hun; more than I think I'll ever possibly be able to tell you."

I see her cheeks bulge as she smiles, I get a slideshow montage of Emily faces rush through my head, memories of her pulling that exact face, the gentle smiling face she uses whenever I tell her I love her. I have so many memories of that face, but not nearly enough. I've not been able to make her smile like that often enough. I think it might just have to be my life's ambition to make that smile appear on her face all the time.

'_My name's Naomi, I hate injustice and I want to save the world from itself, but only after I make my girlfriend smile. If she's not smiling then the world can get to fuck!'_

Yeah, that sounds about right.

"I know babe, I love you too."

I let out a sigh and close my eyes; I don't think I will ever tire of hearing her say that. I'd waited years for her to say it and after that first time at the Love Ball when, technically I guess if not in reality, she'd told me that she loved me; I'd longed to hear it over and over and over again.

She could tell me that she loves me every minute of every day until the end of time itself and it wouldn't be enough. I'd never get bored of hearing it, how could I? I feel the bed shift as she leaned down to curl up with me again and I put out my arm to receive her back into my embrace where she belongs. I'm slightly surprised when I feel her breath on my face as she leans over me and the press of her arms either side of my head as her slight weight pressed down. I opened my eyes to see her staring down at me intently before leaning down and tenderly kissing my lips.

As she leaned up I can't help but run my tongue across my lips, savouring her taste, a taste I thought I'd never be able to enjoy again.

"I...love...you...Naomi...Campbell." she said softly, each word interspersed with the gentlest of kisses; the soft caressing movements, like touches from fairy wings, making me forget about my head, forget about everything really.

"Don't...you...ever...forget...it."

I don't get a chance to reply after that last word, I want to. I want to tell her how sorry I am that I did forget, tell her again because I want her to know I won't forget it, can't now forget it. I have songs and stories and memories that tell me _not_ to forget it; her songs, her stories and her memories that she shared with me simply to tell me she loves me.

But I don't get the chance because after that last word she placed her lips onto mine and kissed me, still softly, but not the little butterfly kisses she used before, but a passionate kiss, one that was full of want and desire and love.

I could have stayed like this, doing just this, until the sun rose and set again. I don't need anything else in the world anymore, I'm completely happy with just me and her, our lips and tongues gently toying with each other. If I died right now I would be the happiest woman in heaven or hell. It's just right.

Unfortunately she breaks away from me and sits up again, her body silhouetted once again in the streetlights haze. I watch as she runs her hand through her hair. She must have been able to see the disappointment that is etched across my face because those famous cheeks bulged again and I heard her husky voice, deepened with passion whisper across the room.

"Sorry babe, but if we carry on like that then I'll do something we might both regret. Especially in your condition."

Well I am actually willing to take the risk, but on balance I know she's right; and so do my collection of brave hobbits that now seem to have given up hammering and have started a brass band ensemble in my head. I can only assume the little fuckers are on a break from drilling.

"Besides," she said finally snuggling back into my shoulder, her arms wrapping around me in any way she could find. "You need to take your last set of tablets and we both need some sleep. I haven't slept too well for the last few days, and mum tells me you haven't either."

"I've slept for hours recently hun; you know that, you told me how long I was out for every time I woke up."

"I meant before you banged your head hun, it's not the same thing. Mum said you'd not slept at all until you came here the other night."

"I got a few hours here and there Ems, but I'm fine_._ I think I may be all caught up on sleep for the moment. Tablets sound good though."

They so do as well, the brass band seems to have launched into the 'Theme from the Dambusters' and the thumping isn't making me happy at all.

Slipping away from me again, she passes me the last two tablets in the pack and a glass of water.

"Thanks Em, for everything yeah?"

"Take your tablets Naomi, time for some rest."

I pop the pills into my mouth and, adding some much needed water, swallow them down – taking another sip to wash them down properly before handing her the glass back.

"Ems, can we go home tomorrow?"

"If you're up to it babe and if you want to."

I do, I really want to go home. Mum's place, Kieran's place actually is ok it's been a refuge but what I really want is to be in the shabby chic that defines the place that we call home.

"Yeah, I think I want you to take me home hun, I think I want that more than anything."

"Then that's what we'll do babe, now get some rest and we'll see if you're well enough in the morning."

o+o+o

I'm sleepy now, and judging by her breathing so is Emily. Still, no matter how tired I am I can't help but stroke the thick red hair that has draped itself across her shoulders and mine. I love playing with her hair; I find it soothing. I know she feels the same because she's told me so, and because I can feel her physically relax every time I start doing it. Tonight was no different and it's wonderful; wonderful to be blessed with the ability to stroke her hair again.

One more item to add to my list of things I could do through eternity.

"Naomi?" she said with a voice heavy with sleep

"Yeah."

"When you're well again, when you're up to it. Can we go somewhere?"

I smiled, "Yeah hun, where did you want to go?

I know what she's going to reply, the same answer I gave her just over a year ago, the one we'd had when she'd took me out to her lake retreat.

"London, I want you to take me to London. Would you do that babe?"

Well that was a surprise, but that's ok, I can cope with surprises; I'm starting to grow up.

"I'll take you to London my love. I'll take you anywhere, better or not."

"Good, now go to sleep Naomi Campbell. I love you."

"I love you too Emily Fitch, sleep well."

I felt her wriggle as she curled closer into my body. "I will now."

'_So will I.'_

_._

_._

_._

**A/N – **Another long one guys, sorry I've not been around. I've been in kind of a bad place recently and not had the emotional stability to talk to people let alone complete this chapter. I wrote about half of it when I was in Bristol, (oh the inspiration that gave me!) then the rest over the last two nights as everything came rushing out. I'm kind of glad it did, because I was a little scared that the muse had left me and my inspiration had gone. Hopefully that's not the case, I hope it was ok.

Thanks for your patience, if of course you hadn't just forgotten about this sorry little tale, lost in the many new stories out there. I'm kind of pleased that everyone's feeling inspired, it means I've got lots to catch up with.

AssassinsLover...girl, I hope that you've fixed things in 'When In Cyprus', I've been out and bought myself a vase collection to throw in case you haven't. I'm off to read your latest chapter once I've uploaded this, I hope for your sake things are better!

[waves at Stunty] welcome back mate.

[waves at noblsheep] welcome aboard the writing boat bud, I am loving 'Packing the Dragon'.

[stops waving and shuffles off with fingers crossed that this one passes muster]


	28. Homeward Bound

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **Here we are again, welcome to Chapter 28...hope you enjoy it, it's nothing more than a fluffy little filler, but then don't we all deserve one (-:

**Chapter 28 – Homeward Bound.**

_Naomi_

I'm woken by four things crashing into my consciousness almost all at once. Firstly it's the light that's streaming in through the open curtains falling onto my face and hurting my eyes. Then it's the sounds of the outside, the dim twittering of bird song, voices of the people walking by in the street and the sound of car engines, horns and doors slamming that are leaking in through the window that is also been flung wide open. The light and the sounds draw me to the dull thumping in my skull that hasn't yet gone away.

Most of all though, the main thing that has brought me to consciousness, is the realisation that I'm lying here alone.

Groggily, still partly asleep if I'm truthful, I look around the room. Nope, she's nowhere to be seen. I manage to drag myself into a sitting position which is easier said than done when your head feels like this. Though the analytical part of me that's just woken up realises that the pain is nowhere near as bad as yesterday_._

'_Still on my own though'_

Pushing the duvet off my legs and swinging round to sit on the edge of the bed; I lean down to grab my discarded T-Shirt from the floor.

On reflection this wasn't a very good idea!

With a sudden rush of blood hitting my head I find myself feeling quite dizzy and my attempt to bend over simply results in me finding myself lying on the floor looking up at the ceiling which is doing it's very best to impersonate the view from a fairground waltzer.

'_Brain to body, everything ok down there?'_

Finding no further injuries apart from a bruised posterior and a battered ego I make a feeble attempt to get up. It's pathetic really, I manage little more than a sit-up before giving up again; still at least no-one was there to see me make a twat of myself.

I'm lying on the floor practically naked, chucking through the pain at my own fucking stupidity when the bedroom door is flung open, there's a flurry of footsteps and I see Emily's head appear over the foot of the bed.

"Fucks sake Naomi, I thought I heard something. Are you all right babe?"

I look back into the brown eyes that are staring at me full of concern.

'_Perhaps I'm not on my own then.'_

"I'm fine Ems, just had a little fall that's all."

"What the fuck were you doing?"

"Getting dressed."

She opened her mouth to say something, but paused at the sight of my outstretched hand.

"Come on Ems, give me a hand up. It's pretty undignified being down here."

She reached down and helped me pull myself to my feet and sat me back on the bed.

"You've got to take better care of yourself Naomi, you're not fucking well. Why didn't you shout me?"

"Didn't know where you were babe. Besides, I was only trying to grab my T-Shirt so I could get up and come looking for you."

She manages to look guilty as she grabs my shirt from the floor where I'd thrown it the night before. Shaking it out, she leaned over and pulled it carefully over my head.

"Sorry Nai, I couldn't sleep so I got up and went to make us a drink. Kieran and Gina were already up and we kind of got talking about stuff. I meant to come and see if you were awake yet, I guess I just lost track of the time.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me, pressing my head against her chest careful of the lump on the back of my skull.

"It's ok Ems, I wasn't having a go. I just wanted to see you that's all, woke up and missed you."

She carefully wrapped her arms around my shoulders and held me tight. It's nice, it's really nice. I can't explain how comforting it is to just have her stand there and hold me. After enjoying that wonderful feeling of safety for a few minutes I tapped her on the hips to get her to release me and looked up at her.

"As much as I'd like to stay right here hun, can you pass me some clothes? I really need to get up."

"Why babe, are you hungry or something? I can bring you breakfast in bed, it's not a problem you know."

'_Aw sweet; nice try Ems but you don't get me that easily.'_ I decide to stick to my guns; I really want to go home today.

"Nope, I'm not hungry Ems, well I am, but I want to go home that's all. I want to go home, maybe have a bath and curl up on the sofa and watch TV with you."

She eyed me suspiciously, "Are you sure you're up to that? You could curl up and watch TV here with me. I'll turn it on if that's what you want."

Well she's persistent I'll give her that but so am I. "I'm sure hun, I'm feeling much better."

I'm not really, I'm nowhere near one hundred percent, probably not even close to fifty percent; but I am sick of being here. I want to be back in our own home. I'm sure I can get better far more quickly there. She's not convinced, even I can tell that; but stubbornly I pull myself to my feet and take a small stretch, managing to do it without any major wobbles.

"Where did you put the stuff Katie and Effy brought round hun?"

I know she knows where they are, because she's dressed in a different set of clothes to yesterday.

"They're on the dresser behind me babe. Are you _sure_ you're ready for this. You'll hurt yourself again if you try to rush things you know."

I nod in reply, ignoring the dull ache in my head. Carefully I step around her and head to the dresser to grab the clothes.

"You've _got_ to be _shitting_ me?"

I cannot believe what they've brought me; seriously, I'm sure they dug through my closets to find the scruffiest most threadbare rags they can find. I didn't even know I still owned these things; they must have been buried at the bottom of a drawer or in a rag box or something.

Though my suspicious mind actually considers the fact that they might not actually be mine and that Katie might have bought these deliberately from a charity shop just to wind me up. This thought is ended when I catch sight of the T-Shirt and realise that yes, it is one of mine.

"I will fucking _kill_ Katie when I see her."

I feel Emily pass her arms around my waist and press her head into my back.

"Hey, welcome back babe; that sounds a lot more like you. Though, what makes you think Katie had anything to do with it?"

I pick up the T-Shirt, it's about 4 years old, probably too small for me now and has a large red stain across the 'End Animal Cruelty NOW!' slogan, the result of a chair, a glass of Ribena and the stupid idea that leaning back on two legs of said chair and rocking casually is a cool thing to do. I'm not even considering the horror that is the skirt they've brought around….I cannot honestly believe that I ever _owned_ shit like this, let alone wore it in public.

"Seriously Emily, of all the clothes I have in the house would _you_ have brought these if you didn't hate me?"

"Katie doesn't hate you Naomi; I think she just thought it would be funny."

'_Oh yeah Katie, really fucking funny, you will pay for that - and for 4 years of gay bashing me. The shoe will well and truly be on the other foot this time.'_

Yes I know it's a malicious thought, but she's a bitch – albeit a bitch I'm getting along with now – so if you don't like it fucking sue me. I'm sure at least a little bit of payback is well and truly deserved.

"Effy brought some clothes with her for you as well babe; so you don't have to worry about being seen in public in your old rags."

She's laughing at me; I can feel her body shake against mine as she chuckles to herself. I try and perform my favourite scowl, the one that is designed to bring down empires with its ferocity. It doesn't work for two reasons, one it hurts too fucking much and two I can't really be mad at her, especially when her fingers are caressing my stomach the way they are.

"So, you thought it would be funny to wind me up as well. Nice. Thanks Emily...thanks a lot, I love you too."

'_Oh sarcasm my old friend, how I've missed you recently.'_

"Don't be like that Nai, I thought it'd be therapeutic, you know make you laugh."

"If you wanted me back in hospital with my brain bleeding through rage Ems it was the right idea...will you stop that!"

She's stroking me with her fingers again, it's somewhat distracting.

"Stop what babe?" she asked, with her best _'Little Miss Innocent'_ voice. Fuck me that's a turn on, always has been. Part of me wonders if that's why she created it because I _know_ it's not a natural tone she uses; I've only ever heard her use it with me.

"You know _what_ Emily Fitch, I'm trying to be mad at you and you're making it very difficult."

"I know," she whispered, her lips next to my ear. God her voice is sexy. It's almost enough to make me forget the pain and the wooziness I'm suffering. Almost on cue she runs her hands up and down my body lingering over my breasts sending an involuntary shiver down my spine. I turn back towards her, careful to keep a respectable distance between us; I placed my hands on her hips and looked her straight in the eye, scowling as I did so.

"You're very annoying."

She responded by stepping right into me, her hands slipping under my T-shirt wrapping around my waist and up my back, fingers running over me constantly, never once leaving my skin, electrifying me as she does so. Slowly and deliberately she raised her head to try and kiss me.

"Yeah well, you seem to inspire it in me...You seem to inspire a lot in me Naomi Campbell. You're pretty fucking wonderful."

Just how can you be mad at this little bundle of joy? Pint sized Emily Fitch, small but with a big heart. So big it's even got room for a tiny place all for me; a small cubbyhole where she keeps the part of my soul she stole all those years ago securely locked away. The part of my soul that draws me back to her all the time, that I'm sure will _always_ keep me coming back to her until she forces me to take it back, or I die.

I keep my head back from her searching lips, using my height advantage to keep her away. I wait until she looks up at me; run my hands through those stunning red locks holding myself back to give me one more chance to lose myself in her eyes before I succumb to the temptation she offers.

"I love you Emily Fitch, even if you are very annoying sometimes…" and then I give myself to her once more.

We're finally broken apart when I hear a slight "hem" from the doorway. I look across to see mum poking her head in with a slightly disapproving look on her face. It's a shame, because things were really just starting to get interesting

"Now Emily, I thought I told you that Dr Hiller said Naomi wasn't to get excited. How on earth will I be able to let you take her home if you keep letting her do that to you?"

"Sorry mum. It won't happen again."

They're both fucking smiling, both have got twinkles in their eyes; ever get the feeling that everyone is laughing at you?

"It better had." I respond dragging her back towards me, ignoring my mother totally and kissing her once again. "or what's the point...of getting better?"

"You're incorrigible, the pair of you."

I wave her off, my lips still locked with the girl of my dreams. I hear the door close behind her and lose myself in Emily's kiss once more. All of a sudden, without any warning at all, I'm rocked with a burst of agony. It's like fire behind my eyes and my vision goes totally white and then utterly black.

When my eyesight finally comes back into focus I'm sat on the bed with a worried Emily fussing around me.

"Naomi, can you hear me babe, talk to me."

Blinking rapidly to clear the fog I see her looking at me with tears in her eyes.

"Oh fuck Naoms, I'm so sorry, are you ok? Do you need to lie down?"

I take one swift deep breath and slowly let it out. Yup everything is back to normal; if that was a blackout it was a thankfully short one.

"I'm fine hun, just had a bit of a moment there." Time to be a bit naughty, time to let her know I'm ok.

"Shame really, I thought that intensive treatment you were giving me, Nurse Fitch, was definitely helping with the healing."

I watch as a single tear runs down her face, _'fuck, I must have scared her. Shit and here's me taking the piss.'_

"I'm ok now Ems, please stop crying." I wiped the tear from her cheek and smiled, she stared at me her eyes filled with self-loathing.

"Shit I'm sorry babe," she sobbed out, sounding absolutely heartbroken. "I just didn't think. Here, let me get you your tablets, you must be in fucking agony."

She's off and moving as she spoke; as swiftly as my mind would let me, which is pretty fucking pathetic actually, I grab her hand and pull her back.

"Ems I'm fine, honest, a little shaken perhaps, but I'm not going to let that stop me. Now, where were we?"

I drag her onto my lap and wrap my arms around her again. I'm pretty shocked when she pushes me away and stands up again.

"No Nai, don't." I look at her, trying not to hide my disappointment. "Sorry hun, you _know_ what you do to me. I think, I think I just got carried away...I'm so fucking sorry babe, Gina was right, we should be doing that...not in your condition."

Now I'm totally confused, though that isn't difficult in my current state. She makes it sound like I'm fucking pregnant or something. She must have understood my look because she carries on talking, the words coming out rapidly through the tears.

"It was _my_ fault Naomi, I've just hurt you...I, I put my hands on your head babe, I didn't fucking think, I just...well you know...we were kissing and it was nice and I'd missed it so much and...and I just forgot. I think I just caught your wound...think I caught it pretty hard. I'm so, so sorry; I never meant to hurt you hun. You blacked out for a second and I was so worried about you, I didn't know what to do."

Oh is _that_ what happened. Thank fuck for that. Here I am worried that it's a fucking relapse...but the truth is I get her so worked up she's run her hands through my hair like she's done so many times before. Except this time it's covered with a fucking bandage and she knocks me out. That's almost fucking funny, it's borderline girlfriend abuse and I have to store that one away for future blackmail purposes. I might have to store away the fact that she's babbling like Panda as well.

"Ems, shut up."

"But Nai..."

"Ems, I'm fine...honestly. It was an accident, not your fault. In fact you should blame me, I started it."

She looked at me, her big brown eyes full of sorrow; she bit her bottom lip and looked at the floor. _'God she's cute.'_

"Come here you." I hold out my arms to her, encouraging her to return to me. Trying to tell her with that gesture that everything is, in fact, ok. She looks at my arms registering the slight shake that's running from my shoulders to my wrists, making me feel slightly self conscious, before slipping onto my lap once more. I wrap my arms around her slender frame pulling her into another gentle kiss. She broke away sheepishly far too quickly for my liking.

"If you're worried Ems, I'll tie your hands behind your back, keep them out of mischief."

The tension in the room is broken as she breaks out into her trademark beautiful, room lightening, heart lifting smile. She slapped me on the leg. "Perv! When did you get so kinky?"

"You seem to inspire it in me."

And everything is good between us again.

o+o+o

Twenty minutes later I'm washed and dressed and sitting up in bed. Emily has adamantly refused to let me get up properly and has wandered off to make me some breakfast, "to help me recover".

I tried to get up to make it myself but she's convinced me to rest here after what we are now calling 'my little incident'. She's also cleverly managed to twist that around to make it my fault…typical.

I hate it when she does that; apparently it was my fault for pushing things so soon after the accident and I should feel guilty because I worried her. I'm sure there's something very wrong with that, but I'll let it slide, just this once.

'_Who are you trying to fool Naomi, you're totally under the thumb and you know it. You're a total slave to her and you fucking love it!'_

My day is brightened immeasurably as the bedroom door was pushed open and she backed into the room, all red hair and cute arse. I watch with interest as she turns to reveal a massive tray filled with plates of food and a pot of tea with two mugs. Fuck she has been busy.

"Hey, you want a hand?"

She shook her head at me firmly, "You sit there, I'm fine. I'll manage it's not that heavy."

'_Ha, like hell it's not babe.'_

She struggles with the tray but eventually gets it onto the bed with a broad grin.

"There…breakfast!" she announced as if I'd not noticed.

"Really? I thought you'd brought me a jigsaw to complete."

She scowled at me; she does that far too well. So well in fact I'm not sure if she's serious or not. Then I guess over the last few months she's had plenty of practice at it.

"Sarcasm doesn't become you Naomi."

Perhaps she is serious, but part of me tells me she's definitely taking the piss.

"Yeah it does," I answer back with a weak smile. "_You_ said that you fell in love with my sarcasm."

She hopped onto the bed, being careful not to disturb the tray full of stuff, and sat next to me putting her head on my shoulder.

"I did babe, but only when you used it on everyone else, not on me. I hated it whenever you directed it at me. You used to do that so often you know, especially after the party."

I slip my arm around her shoulder and pull her into me; it feels good to be able to do that, feels good to have her close again.

"Sorry Ems, I didn't mean to upset you, I was only joking you know? I couldn't resist it. You were being so serious."

"Of course I'm serious babe, you're injured. I'm worried about you, plus I've just hurt you again." She paused for a second before taking a deep breath. "I think you should stay here today. We can go home tomorrow."

'_Oh no you don't Emily Fitch. Not a chance.'_

"I don't want to do that Ems, seriously. I want to go home."

"But…"

"No buts, I'm ok, well I'm getting there. I just need to be somewhere familiar ok? As nice as it is here, it isn't home. It isn't _our_ home. I'm sure I'll get better faster when I'm there."

She pats me on the thigh, "We'll see then hun, have some breakfast and let's take it from there."

We spend the next few minutes working our way through the food she's prepared, or at least mum or Kieran have bought for us. She keeps either handing me food, or feeding me stuff. Honestly it's like a conveyor belt of sugar that inches its way towards my mouth. I know she's trying to look after me but I'm starting to feel a little bit like a fucking baby and that isn't impressing me.

I'm also feeling pretty queasy from all the food, I'm only used to a bowl of cereal and perhaps some biscuits for breakfast. All these croissants and jam and the bloody pain-au-chocolat is far too much for me for what is supposed to be a simple 'start the day right' meal.

"Hun, please." I say finally as she tries to force me to eat another cube of chocolate filled pastry. "I can't manage any more; I think I'm going to be sick if I eat anything else."

Her hand dropped to her lap and she shrugged before stuffing the cube into her mouth and chewing happily.

"Well if you don't want it, I'll have to eat it then." She managed to say between mouthfuls of food.

"Jesus Ems, I don't know where you put it. How can you eat so much and still be thin? If I ate that much I'd be at least twice my size."

"High metabolism I guess. That and lots of exercise."

I can't help but snort at that, it doesn't do me any favours with the hobbits but that last statement is so ridiculous it's untrue. I've never seen Ems near a gym, even when her dad owned his own, let alone do exercise of any kind. Christ, she can't even ride a bike properly; I was terrified for her safety and mine every time we went out for a ride.

"Fuck off!"

"What?" I ask innocently.

"You know what." She replied digging me gently in the ribs.

"But you _don't_ exercise Em."

"I do," she said suddenly putting on her seductive voice, "I do lots of exercise, and only the best kind."

Casually she placed her hand onto my leg and gently ran it up and down my thigh as she began licking her lips seductively. I met her eyes and held the glance for just a second before we're both laughing at the absurdity of it all. I really shouldn't be laughing; it's winding up the hobbits. To my relief there seems to be a few less of them today, their party must have broken up.

"Don't make me laugh Ems, please. I'm not well enough for that yet."

She grabbed a box off the tray and opened it, more fucking tablets. Well not this time; I'm not spending all fucking day asleep again, not today. The last couple of days were enough. I know I've got to heal and pain prevents healing but I'm stubborn enough to win this one.

"No tablets Emily. Not today. I'll take some paracetamol for the headache but I'm not taking those knockout drops again…not a fucking chance…"

o+o+o

_Emily_

Fucks sake she can be a stubborn cow sometimes. She's done really well this morning. Well apart from the time when I pretty much knocked her unconscious. Today she's seemed more like the Naomi I know, the funny, smarmy, sarcastic and most of all caring girl I love.

Now she's just being obstinate and I know why, she thinks I'm trying to drug her back to sleep to stop her going home. She thinks I don't want her to go home; she's right as well, I _don't_ want her to go home. I think it's a bit early for her to be moving around like that; but I know I'm not going to be able to change her mind that easily.

"Naomi, I'm not trying to make you take these to send you to sleep ok? It's a different doseage today; you've run out of the other ones."

"But Ems..."

Right Naomi Campbell if that's the way you want to play it I'll respond in kind. It's time to put into practice what Gina told me; if I ask Naomi to she'll walk through fire for me, especially if I give her a reasonable reason to do so. Well I don't need her to do that, I just need her to take the fucking pills. _'Here we go then, here goes nothing.'_

"No Naomi, you need to take these tablets, that pain isn't helping you heal is it? Don't be an idiot and let me help you. I promised if you're well enough we'll go home. Now please stop fighting me and take them."

Naomi's doing her best impression of a landed fish, her mouth opening and closing as she obviously thought about what she wanted to say. I popped two of the smaller tablets out of the blister pack and held them out to her. Eventually she put out her hand and took them from me and, after a quick examination, put them in her mouth and swallowed them.

Leaning over to give her a peck on the cheek I patted her arm.

"There, isn't that better. See Nai, all you have to do is trust me."

I smile at the look she gives me and pat her again. I love teasing her; I know I shouldn't in her condition but I'm sure as long as I'm careful it'll help her get better rather than hinder her.

Far too reluctantly for my own good really I slide off the bed and pick up the tray.

"Well if you're done babe, I might as well get rid of this." I paused as she nodded her head before picking it up and heading for the doorway. It's a lot lighter than it was when I walked in, it's also a lot easier to balance without having to worry about that flaming tea pot Gina insisted on making rather than just giving me two cups.

"Ems?"

I look over my shoulder to see what she wants.

"Thanks for caring. I love it that you care."

I just smile at her; the lump that's appeared in my throat is preventing me from speaking.

"It's really nice to have my own nurse...you'd look much better in uniform though."

She smiles and winks at me, I'm still going to take it as a compliment but I'm not going to let her get away with ruining a wonderful sentiment with that tired old cliché.

"Well I'd certainly dress up for you babe if that's what you want, but you 'don't do ill' do you? So what would be the point? You just wouldn't appreciate it."

'_Got you!'_

o+o+o

Fifteen minutes after that and we're in Kieran's car. It's nice that he's offered to drive us home but I am sort of worried that we might not make it.

In fact I'm absolutely convinced that this thing is going to kill us all.

It's not so much a Russian rust-bucket as a fucking death trap; £2.50 and some tokens he'd joked it had cost him. Someone had seen him coming; I wouldn't _accept_ payment to take this wreck of someone's hands, let along give them any of my hard earned cash.

"Does this thing even have an MOT?" I'd asked in astonishment as he'd kicked open the passenger door for Gina to get into.

"It has," he'd replied, the offence creeping into that strong Irish accent, "it passed first time I'll have you know Miss Fitch."

I wasn't convinced, I bit back the sarcastic question wondering how much it'd cost him to bribe the tester. He was, after all, doing us a favour. I was not letting Naomi get on a bus to go home the way she'd wanted.

I'm even less convinced five minutes into the journey when part of the back seat that Naomi and I are sitting on comes away from the mounting and starts to rattle, it's fucking terrifying…the thing seemed to have been built in the stone age, only one of the rear seat belts actually works and don't even mention the cornering. Happily for me it's Naomi's lap I end up in as Kieran throws the wreck around another corner and I'm thrown across the back seat towards her.

She just smiled down at me and stroked my hair whilst holding me down with her right hand which keeps running up and down my body.

"Can't you wait until we get home Emily? God you're insatiable."

Ignoring her I struggle back upright and lean forwards, making sure I've got a tight hold of the two front seats for balance.

"Can you be a bit more careful Kieran please; we're getting thrown around back here."

"Sorry Miss Fitch, she's got a life of her own so she has."

"You hurt Naomi with your driving Kieran and you _won't_ _have_ a life of your own."

I feel Naomi's fingers touch my side and gesture me backwards towards her. I settle back into her arms still slightly pissed off.

"I knew we should have taken a taxi."

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head, "Relax hun, we're nearly home. It's ok, everything's absolutely fine."

"How you doing babe? This can't be fun for you."

I get my shoulders squeezed in response, "I'm fine baby, enjoying the ride, aren't you enjoying the ride?"

I just shake my head in response. I cannot believe that, how the fuck could she be enjoying this? Kieran plus this fucking Lada equals an accident waiting to happen. Ok she's got the working seatbelt but that can't be that reassuring.

"Well, perhaps not the actual driving baby, but the ride quality has its advantages, beautiful girls keep throwing themselves at me...I can't fault that, it's fucking awesome."

We're jostled again and I'm only held upright by Naomi who seems to have an exceptional sense of balance. Further investigation shows her feet are firmly jammed under Gina's seat holding her at least slightly steady. As we bump down the pothole filled road her hands start wandering into interesting, if totally inappropriate, places.

Well, they're inappropriate when you're on the back seat of a car with your girlfriend's mother and her boyfriend up front.

"Will you stop that!" I hissed out of the corner of my mouth at her as her fingers brushed over my nipples. She kissed the top of my head again before gently kissing my neck and carried on regardless. Braving the motions of the car I grabbed her hands and firmly pulled them into my lap holding them there.

On reflection it wasn't the brightest move I've ever made...I may have mentioned in the past she has long fingers, normally I love them; today they're kind of embarrassing.

"Naomi please." I hiss at her through pursed lips. "Fucking stop it, I'm having enough trouble staying upright as it is."

I heard a faint chuckle from behind me and her hands return to their job of wrapping around me and keeping me safe. There's something really wrong about that, she's the injured one, she's the one that I'm supposed to be keeping safe.

I am thinking I should check the side effects of those new tablets though; she certainly seems, well, uninhibited today; her hands have started wandering again. It's becoming increasingly difficult to fend her off subtly; eventually I'm forced to drag myself back to my own seat and slap her hands away.

"Nearly there girls, unless you want to stop off at the supermarket for a few things before we drop you off."

Gina sounds totally unfazed by our antics, and indeed the journey, but then she had been telling me about the tuk-tuk's in India and they sound terrifying. I guess I'm just not a good passenger any more. Mum and Dad were always very careful with us in the car and I guess I'm in control when I'm riding the scooter.

I'm beginning to understand why Naomi hates riding with me sometimes though. I must remember to apologise for all the times I've scared her on it.

"We're fine mum; I think Emily just wants to get home as soon as possible..."

"and in one piece." I mutter under my breath.

"...can't blame her for that, I want to get her home as quickly as possible as well."

'_Jesus'_

Still, soon enough we're pulling up outside the corner terrace we call home. Somehow we convince Gina and Kieran that we'll be fine and there's no need to ruin the rest of their day hanging around with us. To be honest I think Kieran helped a bit there demanding food and insisting Gina came with him. I hope he's feeling guilty about inflicting his fucking death trap on us.

"See you later girls; we'll bring some supplies with us when we pop back."

'_Yeah fine, don't rush.'_ I can't help but think. I know it's somewhat ungrateful, I know they've both been great. But now we're finally home all I want to do is walk through that door with Naomi and carry on the healing process.

Both the physical and mental healing processes that we both need to go through.

As we stand and wave them goodbye, Naomi slips behind me and wraps her hands around my waist and nuzzles my neck affectionately.

"Hey hobbit, you going to take me home?"

"Hobbit...HOBBIT! What the fuck do you mean hobbit?"

"Well you are short and cute and everyone loves you, well I love you...no I'm sure everyone loves you Emily Fitch and if they don't love you then there's going to be trouble."

'_Yeah, definitely reading that packet to see what the fuck those drugs do.' _Nai stopped babbling and laid a trail of kisses along my neck before hugging me to her.

'_No rush though, they don't seem to be harming her exactly.'_

"EVERYONE MUST LOVE MY EMILY...IT'S MY NEW LAW!"

'_Fucking hell Naomi, that is just somewhat embarrassing'._ I really can't fault the sentiment though. It's actually quite funny. I kind of wish she hadn't yelled it out loud though; there are faces at the pub windows again staring at the freaks outside.

"Come on you, let's get you in." I manage to extricate myself from her grasp and laughing I lead her up the short path to the blue door.

This door has so many memories for me, both happy and sad. In a strange way this blue door is a pretty good representation of our relationship. It's been a gateway and a barrier. It's been open and closed; it's been happy and sad and at some point in the last few months we've both run to it and away from it. I guess life is like that, life isn't all ponies and rainbows and fluffiness. It's raw and it's painful, but ultimately, when it all comes down to it...it's fucking worth it.

It's worth it to experience those few, short moments when two people can be together, just experience life and love together in blissful solitude.

I read a quote once, I don't really know where. It said that _"Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit." _I think that's true, it's certainly true of us.

Twice now we've nearly thrown everything away. Twice we've nearly destroyed something that I _know_ we both hold precious. Each time we've bounced back, found each other, become stronger as a result. Each time I've learnt something new about my Naomi. She's not the big, strong aggressive woman she appears to be, she's rather soft and vulnerable. She's sensitive and easily hurt, she's jealous and paranoid and she loves me more than life itself.

That's a whole load of responsibility, but I think I'm up to it. Gina once told me she was a large burden for me to carry...well I'm a Fitch, I've got strong arms.

I led her through that blue portal and into the place that we call home. We know it's not really our home, we know it's not even really ours. But it's ours for now and that's ok; more than ok actually. It's ok because _she_ called it ours all those months ago, she's _made_ it ours with her actions since that night and right now it's ours because she _wants_ to be here with _me_.

After all the shit we've been through, it's nice to finally be home, together.

"Effy, Katie...you here?"

The house resounds to the sound of silence. I can't help but feel relieved, as much as I love those two for everything they've done to help me find Naomi again there's a small part of me that's grateful they're not here. There's another small part that wishes they'd not got together at all, then perhaps all this shit wouldn't have happened. Still if wishes were kisses...

I hear the door slam behind me and I'm dragged into a kiss by the object of my affections.

"Naomi, are you all right?" I ask as we break apart. She seems a little strange to me.

"Better than ever baby, I'm on cloud fucking 9, so glad to be home...c'mon let's go to bed."

She's dancing round the small hallway with all the skill of a new-born colt, her eyes are glazed and she's got a stupid great grin on her face.

"How's your head love, is it hurting still?"

She stopped her dancing and stared at me._ 'Yes Naomi you are fucking concerning me.'_

"My head's fine baby, why wouldn't it be?"

I squint at her, hmmm, slight slurring of the voice, definitely unsteady on the feet. This is not making me happy.

"I think you've been overdoing it Naoms, perhaps you should lie down for a bit."

She smiles a big dappy grin as if all her Christmases have come at once. "That's what I've just suggested lover...come on then, take me to bed Nurse Fitch."

I'm about to protest my innocence when she takes an unsteady run up the stairs and I'm forced to chase her. She bursts into the bedroom and begins to strip off her clothes, pausing in the middle with a concerning "Whoa" as she wobbles side to side.

"You ok Naoms?"

"Fine, just suddenly giddy there."

I fucking knew it, stupid, stupid girl. I've let her over-stress herself. I knew we should have stayed at Gina's for another day.

"Come on you, sit down and take a rest."

I ease her onto the bed and swing her feet up so she can lie down. Suddenly she's all fucking hands again and giggling along with it.

"Fucking hell Naomi, what the fuck else have you taken?" She must have taken something other than the painkillers. I definitely didn't mix them up with anything else. She took them straight from the blister pack whilst I was watching.

She ignored my question, continuing her little assault. I'm busily fighting off her hands, normally I'd be delighted for this level of attention from her, but this is a little silly. As I stand up from the bed she stares up at me, eyes still glazed.

"You're beautiful Fitchy, you know that. You're really fucking beautiful."

"I thought we'd agreed that you wouldn't call me that?"

'_Though you can call me beautiful until the day I die Naomi. No one has ever called me beautiful but you.'_

"You're the most beautiful hobbit I've ever seen in my life."

"You can stop calling me that as well Naomi, it's not funny."

It kind of is though, not the nickname, but the state of her. I can't help but smile as she giggles like a schoolgirl and shuffles up the bed to lean back on the pillows. "ooh, dominant Emily..I like it. You coming to bed then Mistress Fitch?"

I bite back a scathing reply and settle with, "No babe, I thought I'd get us a drink first, whilst you get into bed."

"Great idea Ems...I'll have a double Gin and Tonic."

'_Off her fucking head… she is totally wasted.'_ I really don't get it; I've been with her all morning. I've no idea how she got like this.

"Naomi, you don't even like Gin, the last time you drank it you vomited all over Effy's doorstep."

She put out her bottom lip and then stuck her tongue out at me.

"But people that drink Gin and Tonic are sophisticated and classy honey. I want to be sophisticated and classy...I bet Effy drinks Gin and Tonic, I bet that's why Katie loves her because of what she drinks."

I leant over the bed and gave her a chaste kiss on the forehead, moving quickly away before she could grab me again.

"Effy drinks anything that's put in front of her babe, you know that; and I think you're classy, you're the classiest woman I know. Now, do you want tea or water?"

"Tea please sweetheart, white one sugar."

I resist the urge to make a dig at that and simply nod and leave the room. "You rest now Naomi; I'll bring us the drinks in a few minutes."

"Ok Fitchy, I'll wait right here for you. I love you my little hobbit."

I can hear her chuckles all the way down in the kitchen, _'fucks sake what have I let myself in for?"_

o+o+o

I'm back in a matter of moments, the kettle still boiling away downstairs. I was slightly worried by the fact that she'd stopped laughing at her own jokes and the house had gone silent again. As I peep through the doorway I can see her lithe figure stretched out on the bed, fast asleep. I crept into the room and gently pulled the duvet over her, careful not to wake her. After waiting a few minutes to listen to her breathe and satisfy myself that she's ok I head downstairs and grab my bag, carrying it through to the small kitchen and placing it onto the countertop.

It doesn't take me too long to find what I'm looking for, one small white box with her name printed on it. I read the description _'Oxycodone 5mg. Two to be taken every 4-6 hours as required.'_ I dig the treatment sheet out of the box and look down through the technical data to the side effects.

'_May cause lightheadedness, euphoria, dizziness, sedation, nausea, vomiting, headache, rash, constipation, dry mouth, and sweating.'_

Lightheadedness and euphoria...sounds familiar, I would say that it's a mild understatement for what she's been like. Fucking overly-ecstatic and horny would be a better description, but I bet they can't write that. Sedation sounds about right as well, though she won't be happy about that I know.

Only slightly mollified by my findings, I decide to ring the hospital pharmacy to check everything is ok. Ten minutes later I'm dropping her tablets into the bin. Apparently Nai's having an "extreme reaction" and the hospital has promised to get her something else prescribed as soon as they can get hold of the medical team that treated her. Meanwhile I'm to keep an eye on her just in case...like I'm not doing that already.

Privately I'm glad they've told me to bin them. You really shouldn't read these information sheets if someone you love is taking something, they'll scare the shit out of you. Especially if you have the internet handy to look these things up on as well. Apparently these tablets are opiates, they're addictive and they can cause all sorts of problems other than giving your girlfriend a bad case of the grabby hands disease.

They are, however also bloody good painkillers hence their being prescribed. Naomi's reaction must be a special case, though I have stored away the information just in case anyone tries to prescribe it to her again.

I've rung Gina and let her know the problem and she's promised that she will sort it out with the hospital and let me know. Relaxing at that news I head upstairs with the tea I've made and sneak into our bedroom.

"Ems?"

My idea of sneaking is obviously not quite quiet enough..."You ok hun?"

"Nah, feeling a bit queasy actually, rooms spinning a bit. What the hell did you give me?"

"New set of painkillers babes, you're just having some side effects that's all. I'll grab something for you to be sick in and I'll be right back."

"Ems, don't go. I feel better when you're with me."

I put the tea cups onto the cabinet next to the bed and climb in next to her, like I need an reason from a Doctor to do this.

"Now you keep your hands to yourself Naoms, you're supposed to be resting."

She didn't though, not really. Despite her protestations of feeling queasy the side effects of the drugs were still running and it feels like ages until she wears herself out fighting with me and finally relaxes.

"Ems? Why is the room spinning?" she slurred at me.

I rolled over to look at her, "Because you're stoned babe, they gave you an opiate drug and it looks like it doesn't agree with you."

"Cool, that's ok then. Do me a favour? Tell Cook not to get them again. I'm not sure I'm enjoying this batch."

I kissed her on the cheek, "I'll tell him hun, no more drugs for you."

o+o+o

_Naomi_

I woke up again with what felt like the worst hangover I've had in years. Seriously the hobbit party had nothing on this. I'm dry mouthed, headachy, dizzy and most of all nauseous. I'm also totally fucking confused, I have no idea where I am.

That's not true; I've opened my eyes and after a moments thought I realise I'm at home, in our bed, on my own.

'_How the fuck did I get here?'_

The last time I remember it was morning, I was at mums and Emily was with me. Now it's mid-afternoon, I'm at home and she's not.

'_What the fuck is going on'_

Dragging my sorry arse out of the bed I stagger over to my dresser and dig through it, eventually finding a loose t-shirt and a pair of joggers. Dressing as quickly as my precarious state allowed I slowly opened the bedroom door and headed downstairs. I have one desperate need right now and that is for a cigarette. I guess that the pain and the painkillers had kind of given my brain something else to think about, but right now I need a nicotine fix like a fat bloke needs chips.

I can hear voices as I walk down the precipitous stairwell, hanging onto the banister for dear life; and as I reach the foot of the stairs I can see familiar shapes through the mottled glass of the door as I push it open.

"Campbell what the fuck are you doing?"

I stare back at the brown eyes that have been glaring at me since I entered the room.

"Coming downstairs for a smoke Katie, what the fuck has it got to do with you?"

I'm regretting it as soon as I've said it, not because she looks a bit upset, but because it's started the hobbit hammering crew up again.

"Easy Campbell, Emsy said you'd had a bad trip this morning, we're just worried that's all."

I wander into the room and flop into the chair and stare at the two of them sat on the sofa.

"How you feeling Naomi?"

I bit my lip and stared at the tall brunette. "Confused and hungover…what's this about a bad trip?"

She gave me the sly grin she uses, the one she used to use whenever she talked to me about Emily, back in the days before we got together.

"Apparently you got some nice pills from the doctor and they sent you a bit loopy. Emily's gone to get the new prescription from the hospital now. She won't be long."

"What the fuck does 'a bit loopy' mean Eff?"

Katie snorted at me, "Well by the sounds of it Campbell you practically tried to fuck my sister in the back seat of your mum's car."

I looked across at Effy who just sat there nodding her head. "That's what Emily said Naomi," she glanced across at…her girlfriend? Fuck that sounds weird... and frowned slightly.

"She didn't put it quite so…crudely though did she Kay?"

'_Oh Jesus, what the fuck did I do?'_

"Fuck Campbell your face is a fucking picture. I wish I had a fucking camera...where's my phone I've got to get this."

"Shut it _lezzer!_"

Oh yes, now that was totally worth the pain it has just caused me. That fucking grin has just been wiped straight off Katiekins' face as I spit out the word she'd plagued me with for four years. I don't think I could have shocked her any more if I'd have actually got up from this chair and slapped her.

'_Paybacks a bitch, isn't it _hun_?'_

"Play nicely Naomi or I'll have to get involved and you wouldn't like that."

I glance at Effy, she actually seems serious; for someone that's usually so quiet and reclusive she seems oddly defensive. Still I decide to take her advice and play nicely for a bit.

"Whatever," I reply, as casually as I could, "Have you seen my fags?"

She shook her head, "You got any?" She shook her head again.

"Jesus Effy, have you smoked that pack I got you already?"

Katie went rooting through her bag and threw a ten pack at her. "Here, they're my last ones so you'd better get yourself some more."

"I thought you wanted me to quit smoking Kay." Effy said quietly, as if embarrassed.

"I do Eff, but I told you...emergency supply. I'm not a cigarette dispenser though so if you want more, go to a shop; you can get me a replacement pack whilst you're at it."

I look on as Effy just nods and opens the pack throwing me one of the cigarettes. It lands in my lap as I stare at her, and then Katie and then back to Effy.

"She bought you fags?"

"Yeah."

We exchange knowing looks. Effy's the one to break the silence.

"Hasn't..."

"No."

"No?"

"Never."

Katie was watching us with interest until finally her desire to know overcame her.

"What the fuck are you going on about?"

"You bought Effy fags Katiekins,"

"Yeah, and?"

"That's really sweet...It must be love." She suddenly looks at me like I've called her a whore or something..

"Fucks sake Campbell it's a ten pack of cigarettes, they cost me a fiver. What's the big fucking deal?"

"Emily doesn't buy Naomi cigarettes Kay."

'_Yeah, but she nicks them every now and again.'_

"So?"

'_Ah Katie, really you don't know the message you're sending do you?'_

"So Emily doesn't..."

"What don't I do Katie?"

My heart misses a beat as I hear her voice, it's a fucking cliché but it's true. I can actually feel my heart flutter as her husky voice floats in from the kitchen. It misses another beat as it suddenly changes tone as, Katie presumably forgotten, that voice is directed at me.

"What the _hell_ are _you_ doing out of bed?"

I turn my head to look at her; she's stood glaring at me with a paper bag in her hand.

"You're supposed to be resting, what were you thinking Naomi?"

I can't help but feel a bit pissed off at that. My head hurts, I need a cigarette and I'm being treated like a five year old by a woman that professes to love me; in front of Katie and Effy no less. She must have been able to see something in my face or my eyes because her look softens in the blink of an eye and she walks over, squats down and grabs my hand.

"Sorry babe, I didn't mean to snap...you just worried me that's all. I've got your latest set of painkillers hun. Apparently, absolutely guaranteed not to send you over the edge this time."

I blushed, shows how bad I feel because I don't blush; at least I don't think I blush, not ever. Well nearly not ever anyway.

"About that Ems, Katie said that I kind of embarrassed myself. Whatever I did I'm sorry ok?"

She smiled, "You don't remember?"

"I don't have a clue. I don't even remember how I got here, well apart from lady-in-love over there telling me something about the back seat of Kieran's car."

"Lady-in-love?" She looked around the room for a second and then her head snapped back her eyes glinting. "Oh, you mean Katie don't you?" she giggled.

I met Katie's eyes across the room, she looks fucking furious...again!

"Oh yeah, Katie is the original lady-in-love..._she_ buys her girlfriend fags."

Emily's head snaps back to Katie.

"WHAT?" Katie snaps at the look, "Fucks sake leave me alone."

"_You've_ never bought me fags Ems," I said pointedly a teasing smile on my lips, "does that mean you don't love me as much as Katie loves Effy?"

"I buy you your prescription drugs babe; that means I love you more. They cost a lot fucking more than a packet of cigarettes I can tell you." She smiled warmly and kissed me on the cheek. "They're a lot fucking better for you as well….well these ones are."

She held up the packet and rattled it in front of me. "Not as strong, not as good but they shouldn't make you sleepy and they shouldn't turn you loopy either. Do you want to take some now?"

I nod, my head is pounding and painkillers would be good. As she heads for the kitchen I drag myself out of the chair and follow her, heading for out tiny patio.

"I'm going for a smoke hun, ok?"

She turned and looked at me, holding out the drugs with a small glass of water, concern in her eyes again. I knock back the two tablets she handed me with a swig of water and smile at her reassuringly before stepping, slightly unsteadily it has to be said, towards the door. She's about to say something when Effy interrupts her from behind me.

"It's ok Emily, I'll make sure she doesn't fall over."

Effy took me by the arm and we stepped out onto the flagged stretch of ground in front of the grass. It's a warm afternoon, the sun is out and the grass is a lush green. I had a sudden flash of a happy memory of rolling around on that grass with my girl. Just before I let everything go wrong; before I did my best to destroy it, and me again. With a slightly sick feeling in my stomach I put the cigarette to my mouth and out of habit fumble in my pockets for my lighter.

'_Wrong pockets Naomi, and you left your lighter behind at the cemetery didn't you? You practically threw it away to spite her. It was a fucking gift as well you twat.'_

Effy held out her lighter to me with a small smirk at my fumbling.

"You ok Naomi?" She asked me her eyes boring through me, probably doing her mind reading act again.

"I'm fine Eff, will be when this headache goes and the wooziness stops. What about you? Are you ok?"

I smile as she glances back into the kitchen where the twins are having an animated discussion about something._ 'Jesus, those girls never just talk do they? Why does it look like they're _always_ fighting?'_

"Never better Naomi." She replied dragging her eyes away from Katie, "I don't think I've felt this good for ages. I think...I think I'm actually happy."

"That's good Effy," I reply smiling taking a long drag from the cigarette, "I'm made up for you. I really am you deserve to be happy."

To my absolute shock she leaned over and hugged me. I can't think of a time when she's done that. Not unless she was an absolute emotional wreck. This time it's a genuine, caring hug._ 'Fuck me; this thing with Katie must really be good for her.'_

In that one instant I decide to leave Katie alone for her sake; because as different as Effy and I are, as fucked up as we are, I consider her a friend and apart from Emily, Mum, and Kieran - all of whom occupy other positions in my life as well – I guess she's the only friend I've got, apart from Cook.

The realisation breaks over me like a wave as I hug her back tightly. This fucked up girl, this quiet, intense, immensely private, wonderful girl _is_ my friend. She's my friend and I love her for it. In that one special moment we make a connection and I know that I _have_ to tell her how I feel. I know that I shouldn't hide these things any more; don't _have_ to hide them any more.

"Love you Eff." I tell her with a slight break in my voice.

"Love you too Naomi." She replied holding me tighter.

We hold the hug for perhaps another ten seconds before pulling apart, both somewhat embarrassed at the sudden show of affection. It's all good though, even the slight misting around our eyes is a good thing. We've both changed, both _been_ changed by those Fitch twins; and I think we're both the better for it.

We stand there for a few more minutes, quietly smoking until we're interrupted by the arrival from the kitchen of the two girls that look almost the same but are totally different. Emily steps up to me and wraps her arms around my waist, snuggling into my body as I wrap her up and hold her close. Almost shyly, Katie walks over to Effy and does the same; her eyes darting between me and Ems as if daring one of us to say something to her about it.

I catch Effy's raised eyebrow that's also challenging me to say something and simply look back at Katie and wink; I can't help but smile as her shoulders relaxed and Effy wrapped her free arm around her, unconsciously mirroring my stance with Ems. They actually look good together Katie and Effy, strange but good.

We stay on the patio long after the cigarettes have burnt down to the filters and have been thrown away. I don't want to move from here and I suspect neither do the others.

It's a good day, my best day for ages. Despite the headache, despite the dizziness and tiredness, despite the hobbit's in my head that have ended their tea break and started their hammering again. Despite all of that, I'm pretty fucking happy. The all-new painkillers have dulled the pain enough to be bearable, without any nasty side effects so far, and I'm stood in the sunshine, wrapped up once again in the arms of the woman I love, feeling pretty relaxed.

Yeah, it's a good day.

.

_._

_._

**A/N – **There you go, a little bit later than planned there's the fluffy bit of fun that was chapter 28. Sorry, I've become a bit rubbish with updates. I was struggling with another story in my head and had to spend Sunday writing it down to get it out so I could concentrate on finishing this chapter and plan out the rest of this story.

We're actually nearing the end of this little saga; you've got about 5 chapters to go, so if you're still here and reading, enjoy it whilst it lasts (-:

Oh and in the absence of my beloved England and the sad demise of Brazil...GO SPAIN!

Sorry, it's the World Cup...it's important.


	29. Sunday, Beautiful Sunday

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent, (apparently severely more severe than I've led myself to believe!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **OK my plan for 5 more chapters has gone as I decided to let this chapter exist, cancelling out the wonders that was my original Chapter 29. It was either that or subject you to another 15K chapter and this one just handed me a natural break point. Perhaps I'll make it to the nice round number of 35 chapters, that'll help my number disorder (-:

Give the people what they want someone once said...Frenzzy and AL, here you go, don't complain if it's rubbish! Blame those two, they asked for it.

**Chapter 29 – Sunday, Beautiful Sunday.**

_Naomi_

"Best week of my life!"

"Really?"

"Really!"

It had been as well, since returning home Ems and I had slowly been piecing our relationship back together. Slowly working past the pain and the difficulties and trying to get back to normal, well, whatever passed for normal when the two of us were together.

It's Sunday today, I love Sundays, especially this type of lazy Sunday morning where we just lie in bed and hold each other. Especially Sunday mornings where my head isn't wrapped in a bandage, I don't have to take pills every few hours and I don't have a brass band playing their version of 'La Cucaracha' in my head.

We've been taking everything slowly since the "incident" at mums. I don't mind, not really. I'm kind of content at just being with her, being close to her and knowing that we're ok. I can't say it's been easy though; there have been lots of times when I wanted to do nothing more than drag her to bed and tear her clothes off with my teeth. Trouble was, as the saying goes, the spirit was willing, but the body was weak.

So it's all been very relaxed and sedate between us and it's fine, I'm definitely not frustrated. I'm definitely not tensing at every touch, I'm certainly not getting so turned on I can't think straight every time she sits on my lap and whispers in my ear and I'm definitely not having to take cold showers whenever she's kissed me passionately goodbye and gone to work. No, none of those things are true...really!

I haven't even minded that she'd gone back to work at the warehouse with JJ. To be perfectly honest it gave me a chance to be on my own and think about her, about us. For the last four days since coming home I'd done a lot of thinking and I'd done a lot of soul searching; both on my own and, surprisingly with Effy. It's helped me a lot, she's been really good to me has Effy; she seems to know me better than I know myself.

"Why?"

Her simple, innocent question brought me out of my little bubble. I couldn't answer that, not really. I couldn't tell her why the last few days had been the best of my life. How can you describe something you just feel deep down inside?

"I don't know hun, just because."

My lovely Emily just smirked at me eyes full of mischief. "Very fucking eloquent Naomi, I can really see how you're going to win all those politics debates at Uni now."

"Fuck you." I reply hotly just slightly aggrieved at her dismissal. I know she's joking but really, that is a little below the belt.

"Yes please."

'_Oh…my…fucking…god.'_

She's said two fucking words to me and I feel like I'm about to explode. Except it's not just two words is it? It's two words, a smoking look and a tone of voice that just screams 'take me now.'

'_How the fuck does she do that?'_

I can feel my heart start beating faster as I looked at her, her head resting casually on my left shoulder, her arm idly stroking my stomach through my vest top. God I want nothing more than to obey her request right now, the spirit is more than fucking willing, the flesh will just do what it's fucking told to do. It feels like a lifetime ago we last made love and I'm not prepared to let this stupid self-inflicted injury put us off any longer.

"Ems…" I said trying to get her attention, trying to get her to look up at me.

"I know Naomi, it's ok, I was only joking."

I push down the surge of disappointment as she looks up and I see the lie in her eyes, she wasn't joking at all, she's just being protective…again. Well I don't want to be protected any more, not from this anyway. She can protect me from all the dangers in the world if she wants to, but not from this, not from us. I don't need protecting from us any more.

Casually I slid the arm she was lying across up her back, scraping my nails across her skin, pulling up the hem of her t-Shirt with my thumb to do so. I feel her shudder as they run over the soft skin covering her kidneys.

"Naomi…"

"Yes Ems?"

"Please stop that."

"Why?"

I threw her simple question right back at her and waited. She leaned her head back on my shoulder and stared up at me, the hand that had been sensuously stroking my stomach reached back and held my wrist tightly.

"You know why Campbell, I've told you before what you do to me. Stop teasing me, it's not nice."

I stared up at the ceiling for a second, delaying the moment, teasing myself before reaching my free hand over to caress the side of her face, twisting my body under her as I did so.

"What makes you think I'm trying to tease you hun, what makes you think that I'm not planning to obey your every request?"

She looked up at me, her chocolate brown eyes widening as I ran my hand down her cheek and licked my lips.

"Naomi, are you sure?"

"Emily Fitch, shut up and kiss me."

Thankfully she didn't need telling twice; as she slid up my body I felt my heart surge in triumph. Bollocks to recovery periods, bollocks to not getting excited; I want to get excited, want to scream her name into the heavens and hear her do the same. I don't care if this puts my recovery back a week, or two weeks or even if it kills me. I want this with every fibre in my body.

"Emily" I breathe her name as her lips release mine, my hands tugging at the huge t-shirt she's been wearing to bed. As if sensing my need she pulled herself away from me and sat up, peeling off the shirt and throwing it at the wall behind her. I can feel myself getting more and more turned on at her impromptu striptease, my mouth goes dry at the sight of her breasts as they're revealed from under the white cotton.

"Jesus."

Emily smiled at me and ran her hands down her body almost causing me to climax there and then. I can feel every part of my body screaming with desire as she teased me before I can stand it no more and I drag myself up to reach her.

"Oh no you don't," she said smiling, dodging my arms as I tried to pull her down to me. "You're going to lie there and enjoy this babe."

Fuck that, I'm not just lying here for anything; this isn't about me or her, this is about _us_. I want to make love to her, have her make love to me. I'm not going to be passive, just as I know she doesn't want me to be either.

I pull off my vest top, wincing slightly as it rips across the healing wound in the back of my head.

"Nai.." She starts at my look, but I ignore her cries and throw myself across the bed, grabbing her by the shoulders and pushing her down onto the bunched duvet that was pooled around her waist.

I feel like someone has unlocked a door in my head and let out a monster as I hold her down and bite down on her neck drawing the blood to the surface as I suck and nip at every inch of flesh I can reach. It's not altogether my fault, as soon as I've tackled her Ems' hands are all over me, scratching my back and pulling me down, urging me on with every gesture with every kiss and caress. We're both tearing at the thin cotton pants we're wearing, the only things that keep us separated, desperate to rid ourselves of all encumbrances to our passion.

Finally naked we're writhing on the bed like serpents fighting, bodies wrapped together as closely as we can get; I'm fighting for dominance, fighting for the few precious seconds where I can get the upper hand, where I get the chance to satisfy the urges that are rushing through my body, to do everything I need to do to her before I'm rolled onto my back and forced to submit to her needs and her urges once again.

In all the times we've been together, in all the times we've made love together, I can't think of one occasion that has been this filled with passion. Where I have lost myself so deeply in the moment, in Emily, that I don't know exactly what I'm doing. I'm running on instinct, giving in to my desire.

And it's absolutely and utterly perfect.

And afterwards, after we have thrown ourselves into the fiery cauldron that only lovers know, after we have screamed out our names over and over again as pleasure turned into ecstasy, we lie back on the bed, our passions spent, breathing heavily as we try to bring ourselves back from the edge. As we wrap our bodies together in that most tender, most intimate of moments I stare across at the woman next to me, fixing in my memory this one perfect moment in time. I lock the experience away and treasure it, because in that one moment of passion I feel like I've been reborn; for one more fleeting moment I wasn't scared to be me.

As I stare into her eyes I know for certain that she understands, that she knows I've opened a door I'll never be able to close, that nothing between us will ever be the same again, that she's just made love to the real Naomi Campbell. For once I'm able to hold that gaze and look back at her in the sure and certain knowledge that this is who I want to be and who I want to be with. I'm not scared anymore, I don't need to run.

"Wow." She exclaimed as her breathing returned to normal, running her hand down my cheek, "who are you and what have you done with my Naomi Campbell?"

I pulled her closer to me, not that there was much of a gap to start with, and gently kissed her on the top of her head.

"My name is Tracey, I'm an alien from Mars and I've taken over this mortal body because you, Emily Fitch, look fucking amazing and I really wanted to have sex with you…MEEP!"

I punctuated that noise by gently flicking her nose with my finger, watching it crinkle up adorably as my fingernail flicked over the tip. She gave me a knowing look and nuzzled at my collarbone, planting kisses up my neck as she slid up higher eventually nibbling at my earlobe.

"Well I'll be more than happy to sleep with you again Tracey, if you want to hang around that is. You're much better in bed than Naomi was anyway."

"OI!" I can't help but exclaim; my feeble attempt at a joke totally turned totally around on me. "You'd dump me for an alien body snatcher?"

"Only," she said rolling on top of me and placing a kiss on my lips, "if she looked as good as you do…and was as good in bed as you were just then."

She kissed me again before turning her attentions to my neck.

"Because that…was fucking…unbelievable…take it…from me."

With each break in her words she's been moving around my body, kissing, nibbling and on more than one occasion biting at me, leaving even more welts and marks to go with the bites and scratches from the previous session. I know I'm going to hurt later on but I don't care…I really don't fucking care. She could take a lump out of my skin and I don't think I'd notice...and as she wraps her lips around my nipple and sucks gently, I really wouldn't care.

Emily seems to have a real thing about my tits, always has done. I used to catch her staring at them in those last years at school and later in college, it used to make me happy that I could make her look at me like that, but always the sadness would come as I remembered that I would never be able to do anything about it.

When we first began seriously seeing each other, after the Love Ball; I knew the sure fire way to turn her on was to wear a tight t-shirt, or a top that was dangerously low cut, or unbuttoned.

It was funny, sometimes she reminded me of the boys I'd dated; they'd all been obsessed with them as well, I don't know why; after all I'm hardly Jordan.

The big difference between her and them was that Emily would always, always snap out of her obsession and look me right in the eye, her passion obvious; and in that look I knew it wasn't about me as an object, it wasn't about me as a pair of tits on legs. It was about me and how she felt about me and how she loved every part of me, but one part in particular.

I loved it, do love it. Especially right at this moment when she's lavishing such attention on them. As she ran her tongue around one already hard nipple she looked up at me with mischief combined with lust in her eyes; I know exactly what's coming and seconds later I'm proved right as her eyes dart down and I feel a sharp, almost painful coolness as she narrowed her lips and blew right across the wet flesh; allowing me mere seconds of freezing pain... waiting until she judged the moment was right before plunging her mouth back down and enveloping me with warmth once more; her tongue darting around like the serpent of love she was. Sending my body into spasms of pleasure.

"Fuck Em," I managed to dart out as she gave my other nipple the same treatment, "again, already?"

She looked up at me, her eyes still dilated with pleasure holding eye contact as she ran her tongue from my nipples to my navel, inching down my body, teasing me with every step.

"What can I say babe," she finally said planting a kiss onto the soft skin of my pubic mound, "I just can't get enough of you."

With a sudden movement she's between my legs, shoulders under my thighs running that darting tongue up and down, flicking at me as she raised her head once more to meet my gaze.

"But I'm going to have a damn good try." She said before burying her head into me once more.

You know everyone thinks that Emily Fitch is the quiet reserved twin, the one that butter wouldn't melt in her mouth? Well I can wholeheartedly say that that is definitely not the case. I don't know about butter, I do know that I melt every time she does this to me. I can't help it; she's got a devilish tongue and wicked fingers.

I once told the world outside Roundview that Emily was great in the sack, I think I should, at some stage, tell the world just how wrong I was. Emily Fitch is a fucking _demon_ in the bedroom, in the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom and even on the dirt covered floor of a certain woodland clearing next to a lake I know so well.

She is an angel in public and a demon in bed and I love both aspects of her personality.

I definitely love it when she unleashes the demon and holds me down the way she is right now, her hands gripping my hips preventing me from escaping her ministrations; as if I would want to.

I can feel my mind slipping away again, lost in the waves of pleasure that her tongue is generating I'm drifting along in an ocean of bliss, drowning in a sea of red. I can hear myself suck in air, gasping loudly, as her pace suddenly changes, gone are the long sensuous trails she's been making, replaced with the short fast darting movements that are guaranteed to push me over the edge. I feel her shoulders push up my into thighs as her hands leave my hips and slide up to my tits, stroking and squeezing; her fingers playing with my nipples. I can barely feel them, their motions lost in my building orgasm.

A distant part of my brain cannot believe that she can do this to me again, so soon after the last time…the more primal part of me; the one that's currently in charge doesn't give a shit. It's screaming and thrashing and grabbing at her, urging her on, hips thrusting at every flick from her tongue. Then, as I can't believe I can get any higher she slides one slick finger inside me and I hurtle once again over the mountain top and plunge once more.

o+o+o

Eventually, and I do mean eventually, we drag ourselves out of bed and head for the shower. Well in truth, I left a dozing Emily in bed and headed for the shower; she joined me minutes later. But seemingly only after I'd got the water the perfect temperature and had my skin tingling, pounded by the sparking jet.

I'm only really aware of her as I feel her hands touch my hips gently, letting me know she's there. Slowly and carefully I turn around to face her, moving my head to allow the warm water to spill over us both.

"Thought you were asleep." I greeted her.

"Thought you were still with me." She smiled back, leaning up to stroke my face.

"Want your back scrubbing Ems?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. She returned it with possibly the filthiest look I've ever seen cross her beautiful face.

"Rather you gave me a good all over scrubbing babe; I'm feeling particularly dirty today."

"I've noticed...you've worked up a bit of a sweat this morning hun."

She wrapped her arms around me and pressed her body against mine, despite the warm water I couldn't help but notice how cold she felt.

"You didn't do a bad job of working up a sweat yourself babe."

Thoughts of showering drift away from my mind as that husky and downright sexy voice fills my ears. I guess it's not on her mind either as her fingers began to stroke my spine before gently reaching up to my head to pull me down for a kiss. I'm forced to pull away from our heated embrace after we've both nearly gone sprawling from the wet surface at least once.

"Hun, I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Really?" she asked kissing me again, "Why ever not?" she pressed herself into me and lost her footing again, I caught her again as she slipped on the wet surface, nearly losing my balance as I did so.

"Because if we go any further hun, one of us might end up in hospital….again" I added ruefully."

"Aw, you're a fun-sponge," she replied sticking her tongue out at me, "but you're probably right. I have no desire to spend another night sitting in Bristol Royal drinking their fucking coffee."

"That bad eh," I asked carefully brushing back her soaked hair, stroking her shoulders as I did so.

"About as good as your instant coffee Naoms, cheap and fucking awful."

"Charming."

My mind flashes an image of her sat in a chair in the hospital, I don't know where it comes from, probably my imagination going overboard but it hits me pretty hard. Mum had said that she'd been at the hospital all night and I treated her pretty harshly when I first saw her. I thought I'd been justified at the time, but I guess even then, that's no excuse for what I did.

"Ems? I'm sorry." She looked up at me confused.

"What for now? I don't think you've got anything to be sorry about this morning Nai, you were pretty fucking special. Though I would appreciate you not hogging all the hot water."

I slide her past me and push her under the watery cascade, feeling the chill as I'm exposed to the cold air myself.

"About the hospital hun," I continued, anxious to make my point before hypothermia set in, "about you being there all night, about how badly I treated you when I woke up. I'm sorry ok?"

She put a finger onto my lips, hushing me with a touch. "We aren't going back there Naoms, remember? We agreed that that was in the past and we're focussing on our future."

I do remember that, we'd been sitting in the garden in the deckchairs, well I'd been sitting in a deckchair; she'd taken her now customary position sitting in my lap arms around my neck. We'd been chatting away when I'd turned the conversation morose, like I had just done now. She'd silenced me then in almost exactly the same manner and told me almost exactly the same thing. I'd agreed but sometimes it just comes rushing back.

I'm getting tired of apologising, but I'm tired of hurting her even more.

"Stop thinking and scrub my back Campbell."

That I can do.

o+o+o

After we've fled the, now cold, shower for the warmth of our room, wrapped from head to foot in towels I'm sitting on the bed as she drags a set of straighteners through my hair, the ceramic warmth getting rid of the frizz and drying it at the same time. I'm feeling pretty selfish here because she's just quickly dragged a comb through hers; but she's insisting on sorting me out on the grounds that...

'_You'll probably hurt yourself catching your cut.'_

It's only a small cut now, even the bump has gone down a lot, and it barely bothers me anymore. Unless, as she says, I stupidly catch it with my straighteners.

"What are we doing for breakfast babe? I don't know about you but I've worked up a serious hunger this morning."

She looked at me with an amused grin; I like her amused grin, it's funny the way she presses her lips together her eyes glinting with mirth. It makes me feel good to see it, whomever it's aimed at.

"Naomi, it's half past one."

"What?" I ask dramatically, "in the morning? Why the hell did you wake me up this early Fitchy?"

She pulled down my towel by way of revenge for the nickname she hates and I'm left sitting naked on the bed, the towel around my waist, as she jumps away to avoid my half-hearted slap.

"Minx." I said totally ignoring my current state as I noticed her staring at me again; no prizes for guessing where her eyes lingered.

"Em, my face is up here hun."

She ignored me; I know she's doing it deliberately. I also can tell what she's thinking; you don't have to be Effy Stonem to mind-read my Emily right about now. It's pretty fucking obvious, even to me. I feel a familiar warmth start to spread through my groin as she raises her eyes from my tits and stares at me with abject hunger in her eyes.

I know that look so well; I've seen her look at me that way so many times. In the early days it was more subdued, more a longing...a desire to be together; but since that time at the lake it was always deeper, more wanton, more powerful. I hold that gaze for only a few seconds, unconsciously biting my lip under the scrutiny before I make my decision. _'Oh, fuck breakfast, lunch, whatever.'_ I thought, as she recognised my look and dropped her towel revealing her stunning, slightly wet but very, very naked figure.

This morning has been like a dam being breached and all of the passion, all of the lust we've been storing has come rushing out, uncontainable and uncontrollable. The shower was but a brief hiatus in the flow and losing control again we hurl ourselves into the torrent once more.

I simply cannot function rationally around her right now; it's like the first time, and the last time and the first time again. I've just got to have her, she's fucking addictive.

o+o+o

_Katie_

"Oh for fucks sake, there they go again!"

I know it's not the first time I've had to hear my sister and Campbell fucking since I've been staying here. In fact it's not even the first time I've had to hear them fucking since I've been here today. It's actually kind of embarrassing and I'm regretting all the times I've thrown myself at boyfriends when Emily was around.

If she cringed then as much as I am now, then I owe her a serious apology.

"I think it's lovely." Eff said her head in my lap, her feet lying over the back of the sofa. Fuck know's how she can be comfortable like that, but apparently she is...she's been like that practically all morning.

"Eff I don't know why we can't go out and leave them to it. They obviously don't want company today."

"Because I'm happy here Kay, you and them, you're making me happy."

Sometimes she really is just downright weird

"It's their first time Kay, don't you get it? Their first time since we fucked them up; don't you think it's fucking beautiful? All that passion re-awakened; don't you feel good helping them get that back?"

"Ugh, Eff that's my fucking sister, seriously what the fuck?"

Yes I'm slightly weirded out, yes I'm slightly affronted. That is, after all, Emily she's talking about.

"Then you should understand babe, don't you want her to be happy?"

"Of course I do, but don't you find this a bit, well fucking wrong? I mean, we're sitting down here listening to them fuck."

"You're listening Katie, I'm just here. I'm enjoying being with you. Those two upstairs, well I'm just enjoying their happiness."

She looked up at me with such sincerity that I'm almost convinced, then she winked at me and I realise I've just been paid back in full for winding her up last week.

"Come on you, let's go sit in the sunshine. Park or garden?"

"I think we should give them some space Eff," I say as we both look up as something heavy is knocked off somewhere above us and hits the floor. "Lots and lots of space...let's go out front, it'll be quieter and we can always get some drinks from the pub."

I just hope they've closed their fucking windows this time, last time I walked out of the house when they had been at it I got some very funny looks from the regulars in the pub. Very funny looks indeed.

As we head outside I react as the bright sunshine hits my face and I'm nearly blinded,

"Shit, fuck...hang on Eff, let me get my bag it's got my shades in."

I headed back inside and grabbed my bag, pulling out my favourite Prada shades, the ones that had cost a fucking fortune, but were oh, so fucking cool. Everyone in college had been jealous; it was nice that Danny had been good for something. As I walk outside I see Effy already lying on the grass, her cheap NEXT sunglasses on, arms splayed out, knees in the air. She really doesn't care that girl; I wish I had her strength. I also wish I had a tenth of her style...she makes those plastic glasses look good!

As I flop down next to her I have a bit of time to think. The last week has been, well, interesting. Effy's been around here a lot and not just because I'm staying here. At first I wasn't bothered she was spending so much time with Campbell, then I got a bit jealous...I was losing Effy time to that stupid bloody blonde.

"Don't be stupid Katie." She'd told me when we were curled up on the sofa at her house later that night. She'd asked me what was bugging me and I told her. "Naomi just needs a friend at the moment, and I'm being her friend. I owe her that."

"Owe her?" I'd replied not quite convinced.

"Well not quite owe her babe, not like I used to. I love her Katie, she's my friend. I've only ever had Panda as my friend, now I've got Panda and Naomi. She's my friend and she needed my help."

"I'm your friend." I'd protested weakly.

"No Kay," she'd disagreed shattering my heart for a second with her words. "You were an acquaintance at college and friend at the hospital. Now babe, now you're so much more. I love you Katie, and not as a friend. _I love you_."

It was the first time she'd told me she loved me and everything changed between us in that moment. I felt like she'd just kicked open a door in my heart and allowed everything I was feeling to come out.

She'd told me one sunny afternoon after Naomi's return home that she thought that Emily and I wore our hearts on our sleeves. That we were both so obviously passionate, well she was wrong. I didn't, don't. I'd wanted to tell her for days how I felt, had come close on a couple of occasions. But with the drama of Naomi's disappearance, our hunt for her and the whole rooftop and hospital incident it hadn't ever seemed the right time. Well it had, but I'd just bottled it.

But there she went, leading me forwards, telling me how she felt and leaving me wishing that I'd had the courage to do the same, on all those occasions I'd wanted to.

"I love you too Eff," I'd replied, thinking that it wasn't enough. "I wanted to tell you, but..."

"I know Katie, I've always known. I knew every time you wanted to tell me. I just didn't want us to rush. But I need you to know now; I don't need you to be jealous."

She'd paused for a long second, her eyes closed.

"We've both seen how destructive that can be baby. I can't have that happening to us."

We'd made love that night, properly, slowly and passionately for the first time. We'd made love together and the memories of that last, first, time were erased as if they never had happened. At least they were for me. I had a perfect memory to hold onto, one where it didn't go wrong afterwards. A memory where it was me, and her, and no-one else interrupting us.

In the morning we'd made love again and it was good as the night before. Never, with any of the boys I had been with could I surrender myself to someone like I can with her. For most of my 'adult' life sex has been about power, sex has been about control and through sex I found a modicum of self-worth because someone wanted me; however hollow that feeling left me later. With her it's not like that, it's not about power it's about giving yourself totally. It's not about control it's about sharing and I don't feel empty inside after it's over. I feel warm and full and loved.

Later we'd slunk downstairs to have breakfast only to find Anthea flaked out on the sofa fast asleep, a bottle of red wine lying empty on the table next to her.

"She's been drinking a lot recently." Effy had said quietly, pulling a throw over her mother's figure. "I guess it's my fault really."

I'd done nothing but hug her, what can you say to something like that?

"Come on you," I'd said as we left the house. "I'll treat us to breakfast at the caff."

She'd been strangely silent as we'd walked arm in arm down the street to the small cafe we knew so well. I decided that I'd just be the quiet supportive one for a change, learning from my sister I guess. Eventually she spoke.

"It's not her fault you know Kay, I think me and the hospital and Freddie; it was all a bit much for her you know."

"I know Eff, it must have been hard for her."

"Just don't judge her ok? The divorce came through the other day, she started drinking then."

I stopped right there in the middle of the street and pulled her to me.

Babe, why would I judge your mum, it's not as if my family are paragons of society. They live in a fucking caravan for fucks sake. Dad lost everything, if it wasn't for Naomi Emily and I would be fucking homeless."

She looked at me her eyes tinged with sadness. "Look Eff," I continued. "It's ok, I understand. I'm not like that ok? Not any more."

I got a weak smile and a short hug, "Right then, let's hit the cafe then, I need a coffee."

"No nicking my chips Katie."

I'd simply beamed my most brilliant smile back at her, "Yeah Eff, whatever."

I'm remembering those moments as I lay down next to her on the warm grass, soaking up the sunshine as I did so. They were good memories, despite the pain and I cherished them like no other memories I had.

As I lay there her hand found mine and we wrapped our fingers together tightly.

"Love you Katie," she'd said simply making my breath catch in my chest.

"Love you too babe," I'd replied.

We lay there simply soaking up the warmth until I could stand it no longer. Rolling on top of her tiny frame I held myself up with my hands and knees and looked down at her.

"I want to kiss you." I said staring into her angel blue eyes.

"Why don't you then?" She'd asked putting her hands behind my head and pulling me down.

'_That's a very good question...why don't I?'_

So I did.

o+o+o

_Emily_

'_Breathe Emily, breathe.'_ I've got to keep reminding myself to breathe, every time the white sparking dots of light return to my blanked out vision I have to repeat that little mantra, and every time she does _that_ to me I forget again.

I don't know how exactly this happened, but somewhere in the middle of our latest lovemaking session she's wrapped my wrists with the belt from my purple dressing gown and slipped it through the flimsy wooden slats of the headboard. With a smile she'd wrapped a soft cloth over my eyes and with a beautifully sexy whisper told me to relax.

Not a fucking chance.

Not because she's tied me up, because she hasn't, not really; and not because I'm blindfolded either. I can't relax because the new dominant Naomi has turned me on so much before she even did this, I can't tell you; and now she's trying something we've never done before and I'm quivering at the thought of it. I trust her implicitly and I'm anxious to see where she's going to take this little game.

Where she's going to take it, and me, is to a whole other level.

To my surprise I feel her kiss my left ear and then place something hard inside, then she does the same on my right ear and the sounds around me are slightly dulled for a second. Then with a tingling of harp strings my senses are lost in the music she's playing for me.

I can only assume she can hear the same track somehow because every movement, every touch of finger and mouth are matching the beat and the pace of the song. I've never experienced anything so utterly immersing in my life. Faster and faster she goes as the music sped up, her fingers and tongue working to a frenzy inside, around and all over me.

With my hands bound, and my eyes covered I have nothing left of my usual main senses but sound and touch; my ears are filled with the music and my sense of touch is off the scale as I have one precise focus at this moment in time.

The sound is mesmerising as she makes love to me with the music. I know this track so well; she knows it's a favourite and as the brief silence descends in the middle of the song she pauses. I can feel my heart beating in my chest as she leaves me hanging, blissfully waiting for the touches I know are coming...hope are coming.

"_And I never wanted anything from you. Except everything you had and what was left after that too."_

'_Oh god, oh god, oh god...Please Naomi don't leave me hanging like this, don't, please'_ I feel her pull away slightly as I push my hips towards where I think she is, hoping for another touch.

"Please Naomi, please" I hear myself crying and then I feel her breath on me.

"_Happiness, hit her like a bullet in the head..."_

"Jesus fucking Christ," I scream, able to hear it through the headphones as she starts again right in time with the music. Her tongue flicking my clit with every beat of the drum that's dominating this break; it is totally off the chart what I'm feeling, I thought her gentle teasing was talking me to a beautiful place, but I'm shivering with passion as I lose myself in the music and her skilful touch.

'_Can you hear the horses? Because here they come...'_

They don't but I fucking do. With the heightened sensation that the enforced sensory deprivation has provided me with I let myself totally go at her touch and with one flick of her tongue over my clit I'm screaming and crying and clenching my fingers into fists, crushing my nails into my palms as my orgasm floods through my body.

It's probably the most out of control I've ever been and it's probably been the most erotic thing I've ever done, or ever will do.

I feel her pull away from me as I try to slow my breathing and suddenly with a jump the music changes to something softer, more melodic...calming. I feel the weight on the bed shift as she moves and then feel her hot breath as she leaned in to kiss me gently on the lips.

With another shift of the bed she's released the bonds that restrained me and gently lowered my arms to my side, kissing my palms as she did so. As she removed the impromptu blindfold I blink as the sudden light briefly surprises me and stare into the blue eyes I love so much.

She's staring down at me with a look of, well I'm not sure actually...love, lust, amusement, pride? Probably all of those things I guess. I'm really not thinking too hard, my minds focus is split between those eyes and the hot feeling between my legs, the aftermath of her touch.

I look up at her and watch her lips move, she's saying something but I can't hear it over the relaxation music she's playing me. I look at her quizzically ignoring the dots and she smiles and removes the headphone from my right ear.

"Breathe baby, ok. Breathe for me yeah?"

'_Oh yeah, I'd almost forgotten. Breathe Emily, breathe.'_

o+o+o

At 3:15pm on that happy Sunday, Naomi and I finally make it downstairs for food. I've convinced her that munching on her biscuits isn't a good idea and I'm cooking a fry up. Nothing special; just bacon and sausages, with the intention of making us a pretty good sandwich. I was just dishing it up onto the plates when I heard Naomi's voice from the living room.

"Ems, come here quick."

I practically fucking shit myself, dumping the frying pan onto one of the cold rings I ran through the door to see what was wrong.

"Are you OK babe? What's the matter?" I yelled as I ran to the door.

"Jeez Ems, there's nothing wrong hun." She looked around from her position at the window and saw my face.

"Shit, sorry Ems, I didn't mean to scare you, I...I just thought you'd want to see this."

I walked up beside her, trying to hide my relief, and gave her a hug.

"I'd want to see what babe?"

She slipped an arm around my shoulders and pointed out of the window towards the green.

"That!"

As I looked out I saw my sister lying on top of her girlfriend on the grass, Effy's arms wrapped around her neck; lips locked together, uncaring if the world saw them.

"Fucking hell."

"Oh yeah."

"You think they've been here long?" I asked suddenly very self conscious about the noise we'd been making for the last few hours.

"Probably Ems, you bothered?"

I shook my head and squeezed her waist by way of reply.

"They look good though don't they?" I asked her, voicing the thought that had gone through my head at seeing my sister's apparent happiness.

"Not as good as we do hun."

I can't argue with that, so instead I drag her away from the window and into the kitchen for food. Those two could wait, I'm fucking starving.

In hindsight I wish I'd have stayed there for a minute or two more. If I had I might have seen the red people carrier pull away from our little road and speed away. I might have been pre-warned for what was coming. But I didn't and I wasn't and I guess I'll just have to live with that.

.

_._

_._

**A/N – **Phew, so there you go. I don't do *smut* so I hope you enjoyed the passion and fluff that bringing those two back together again caused.

Oh and sorry about the cliffhanger...not! Until next time, unless my AU fic-let gets in the way again (-:

MtfM-FTW!


	30. Those Fighting Fitches

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent (which I still rue, otherwise I'd have written something like Harry Potter myself and be disgustingly wealthy!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **Pervs!

Oh and it wasn't that fast a recovery, for those that thought it was. Chapter 29 was set a week later, did mention that at the start. Just saying d-:

**Chapter 30 – Those Fighting Fitches.**

_Naomi_

"Thanks for the sandwich hun."

To be honest it was a little overcooked and dry, but the HP Sauce fixed that. I guess I have myself to blame, I did drag her away after all.

"I know it's fucked babe, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to."

I shrugged my mouth full of sausage and bacon.

"mfff mmfff"

She looked across the kitchen at me, exasperation written all over her pretty face.

"I'm sorry Naomi, I'm afraid I don't speak moron."

Bitch, she's nicked one of my favourite lines, I just love telling people that, shuts them up instantly. I squint my eyes at her, feigning grumpiness, and swallow my mouthful of food.

"I said – 'it's fine'. Besides, I'm fucking starving hun."

"Can't think why, you've spent all day in bed, it's not like you've done anything to work up a hunger."

I glared at her and she laughed at me, the sound setting off little beams of sunshine in my head. Yes I'm a soppy twat, it's official. But I'm made her happy and that's all I care about.

After we'd finished eating, and had dumped the washing up in the bowl for later, we wandered into the garden to relax. As I lit a cigarette and threw myself into one of the chairs she looked at me and shook her head.

"You know I think I agree with Katie, I wish you'd give those things up."

"You want me to?" I asked tentatively..._'please don't say yes, that's a lot to ask at the moment.' _Besides it's not as if I'm smoking a lot at the moment. Barely anything by my usual standards, it's twenty to four in the afternoon and this is my first of the day; but then we had been rather busy.

"Of course I want you to give up something that could take you away from me early Naomi, but only if you want to babe. I wouldn't force you, but I think it would do you good."

"One day hun ok? One day, but not today...deal?"

She smiled again and nodded vigorously. I took a long drag on the cigarette held it for a second or two and then released it, feeling the nicotine flood my body, smiling in pleasure.

There are three great cigarettes and only three. The first one of the day, the first one after food, and the first one after sex.

This was all three, and it was most definitely needed.

"Better?"

I nodded savouring the feeling.

"Had a thought, be right back."

She vanished for a few minutes and came back with a blanket under her arm and a couple of glasses.

"Put that out on the grass would you babe?" she'd asked sweetly before dumping the glasses on the chair and vanishing again. I'd made a big show of grumbling my way out of the comfort of my chair but I got up and laid the brown and grey checked blanket on the floor.

I recognised it immediately, I didn't think we still had it to be honest. I wasn't in the least bit surprised that she had kept it, doing that is so her.

I stretched out on the blanket, running my finger across the singed spot, black and brown against the brown and grey. I lost myself in a memory of that night as we rolled together, the spliff she'd lit forgotten and left to leave this mark. A lasting reminder of a time when passion overcame fear.

"Penny for them."

I roll over, sit up and squint into the sunlight at my Emily, her head haloed by the light.

"Not worth it hun, my thoughts are worth far more than that."

"Oh yeah?" she said sitting down next to me, slipping a bag off her shoulder and waving a bottle of wine in my general direction. "How much they going to cost me then?"

"You can't have them Ems." I replied primly casually stroking the charred cloth, "They're far too precious to me to sell, they're priceless my memories are."

"Well then, you can't have any wine until you share them with me; we're supposed to share precious things remember?"

I looked down as her hand covered mine, triggering another memory of that night. Unbidden a smile came to my lips as I gripped her fingers and laid them on the spot. She looked down to see what she was touching and then she blushed a deep, deep red.

"Oh...that. You're thinking about that night, the one at the lake?"

"Yeah, so you can't have it ok? It's my memory and I'm keeping it. I'm never letting it go, it will stay in here until we are grey and old and it will keep me going when you're all fat and wrinkly."

"Ugh, Naomi! I'll have you know that I'll _never_ be fat and wrinkly, and even if I do, you will love me however fat and wrinkly I get."

She's probably right as well.

"Anyway, I think you'll find that it's _our_ memory babe, I was there at the lake as well."

I grinned at her, _'got you now Fitch.'_

"Actually Ems I'm sure my memory of that night is far different to yours, so I'm keeping it to myself thank you very much. A girl has to have some secrets you know."

She grinned back and dragged the bag she'd been carrying onto her lap. I glanced at it and then stared, totally gobsmacked. It's my old laptop bag that she's opening and inside is my old laptop, the sticky tape marks still visible on the top, a legacy of a note I'd left.

"'Fever', I think it was," she said as she started to open the lid, "At least I think that's what that song meant."

She stared into my eyes, looking for some kind of confirmation. I swallowed, perhaps a little too hard and she smiled back at me.

"I fucking knew it...see hun, it's _our_ memory now."

I bit my lip, startled for a second._ 'Fuck she knows far too much about me now... It's ok Naomi, don't fucking panic...it was what you wanted wasn't it?'_

I stretch out my hands and she places the battered, far too large laptop into them.

"Why didn't you tell me about this Nai?" she asked casually, "It's beautiful."

I pressed the power button and sat, silently waiting for the old thing to boot up. I hadn't had the heart to throw it away when mum bought me the new machine for college. It had so many memories burned into it. I knew I could have just transferred my iTunes, but it wouldn't have been the same, we'd been through a lot this laptop and me. I'd laughed and cried over its keys as I added tracks that were happy and sad.

Besides, this way she'd never have known. Until I'd left it for her that is...before that she'd never known it existed. It was the way I liked it, this laptop held more of my secrets than anything else in the world.

"Nai?"

I blinked and looked up at her. She was sitting with her hands around her knees watching me as I toyed with the computer.

"Tell me about it, please? I sat on our bed and played that list and all I really wanted was for you to be next to me; telling me all about it. Would you do that for me babe, if you can?"

Well I guess she deserves it. I had, after all, left it for her to listen to. I'd wanted her to understand it all, and I had promised to explain everything one day. Now here in my hands was the final part of the jigsaw, the final part she had left to understand. I sighed softly and threw my cigarette into the flowerbed and rolled over, the laptop in front of me.

"Nai?"

There's a sound of hurt in her voice and I realise what my actions would have looked like to her sitting there waiting for my reply. Gently I pat the blanket next to me.

"Sorry Ems, I didn't mean to be ignorant. Just thinking that's all. Come on then, you asked so I'll tell, as best I can anyway."

I rolled onto my side as she pushed herself next to me and slid the computer so it rested between our outstretched bodies, both propped on an elbow; mirror images of each other.

"How long have you been doing this?"

"Since I got the computer, but years really… I had it all written down originally. My stupid little musical diary. I've kept that since I was 11, since my first day at school. I'll dig it out one day if you're interested, it's not very good."

It wasn't either, full of ripped pages, crossings out and re-writes. I was so happy when I got the laptop and I downloaded iTunes. It had made keeping my little list so much easier. Plus of course I could actually listen to the songs as well which made it all the better. Ems went to speak again, but I interrupted her; answering her next question before she even asked it, knowing what was likely to come.

"I did it because it helped me make sense of things, gave me a release you know? I had all these feelings inside me and they had nowhere to go; but I always got music. It's been a huge comfort to me since I was a kid."

I laughed to myself as the memory came back. "Mum used to say that the only way she could ever calm me down, or get me to sleep was by playing music. Apparently I was a bit of a critic even then; her lullabys never worked for me and I'd cry even more. So she used to leave a radio on in my bedroom and off I'd go to sleep."

Ems smiled at me, reaching out her hand to touch my face. I leaned into her touch, closing my eyes like a cat being stroked, smiling contently.

"So music's been a big part of me and all the times I was happy, or sad or angry or confused I used to let the music explain things. There's no order to it, sometimes I'd hear a track and it would remind me of you, or us or even just a moment. I'd go find the track and slot it into my playlist. Like that one for example." I said using the trackpad to point the cursor at the second track on the list, good old 'Suddenly I See'.

"I heard that on the radio one day and it took me right back to that first year at school. When I first realised that I felt something special about you. So I bought it and added it. I kind of kept doing it and this is what I ended up with."

"So it's not fixed then, you add things all the time?" I nodded, "whenever you hear something?" I nodded again.

"Only if it means something to me though, it's either got to take me back to a moment instantly when I hear it or it has to be playing at the time, or in my head. Those are my criteria."

She looked at me quizzically. I guess I'm not making much sense.

"OK. Let me see if I can explain this then. Take bloody S-Club 7; I hate them with a passion, talentless bunch of commercialised twats, but that track's there because it was playing when you kissed me. I hear it now and I'm right back at that party and I can see, hear and smell you. I can feel how soft your lips were and I can almost taste the cheap cider you'd been drinking on my lips.

Then there's something like 'Fever,' that was playing in my head that night at the lake, as soon as you cupped my face to do that stupid blowback I could hear the song. When I play it now I get goosebumps, my skin goes clammy and I get so turned on because that song is you right at that moment...it's all about how _you_ make me feel."

I looked down that the computer and flopped down again, head on my hands staring at the screen trying to hide my reddening face.

"The rest are songs that make me feel…they have nothing to do with the real moment; they just make me go back. That Celine Dion one; I'd never heard it before. Caught mum playing it one afternoon; It seemed to fit how I felt after the Love Ball, how I felt a lot of the time actually."

She rolled over to match me and looked at the screen.

"I got that one babe, I got Panda's party as well but it was the Love Ball stuff that gave you away. I wasn't sure until I heard 'Something Stupid'. I kept doubting that I was right until then, after that it all started to make sense."

She folded her arms under her turning her head to look at me. "I don't get all of the songs though Naoms...could you, would you share them with me?"

'_Ah well, in for a penny...'_

"Yeah, I can try Em. But I warn you, some of them might not make any sense to you even if I explain them. Some of them aren't about you they're about me and how I feel Some of them I can't put into words, that's why I have this list, it helps me with the stuff I can't define myself...you understand?"

"I think so, but they are about us thought yeah? This list is about us isn't it?

I nodded, scrolling through the well played list.

"Ok then, what does this song mean?"

She'd pointed to Bjork's 'Violently Happy', _'a simple one to start with, thank god'_

"That's about how I felt after the party Ems, I was so fucking happy that you'd kissed me. I felt like I was going to burst, that's what that song reminds me of, that feeling of happiness."

"...and this one?"

"That's New Order, that one was first day at college."

"What about that Joy Division one then?"

_Jesus, what is this, a fucking interrogation?'_ I look across at her, her face shines with sincere interest. I take one last deep breath and continue.

"That was that time in the Caves; you know when we were selling weed for Thomas? That song summed up everything that I was feeling. It was all such a mess and I was kind of lost in myself. 'Disorder' gave me the same feeling."

"and why is 'Bitch' there? Was that when you had that fight with Katie in the cafe?"

"No actually, that's when I met your mother earlier that morning, though to be honest I did think of putting it in again straight after for that little incident with Katie as well. Like mother like daughter I guess."

Funnily enough Meredith's one hit wonder was my ringtone for Katie, not that she rung me very often. Happily the one time she had, Ems wasn't in the room; I doubt she'd appreciate the ringtone, even if she might appreciate the sentiment.

"and..."

She went to fire another question at me but I shushed her with a finger.

"Look Ems, please. Let me explain them all to you ok? Let me start at the beginning and I'll tell you everything. If you keep firing questions at me like that I know I'm going to get ratty and I don't want to spoil today for anything, today has been perfect. Please Ems give me a chance to explain it all my way."

I looked at her hoping that she'd understand and give me a break, she looked back before moving my finger and kissing it.

"Sorry Naoms, I guess that was a bit, well, Katieish of me."

I rolled back and laughed at that, 'a bit Katieish' how right she was, it was exactly like her firing questions and demanding instant answers.

"It's ok Ems, it's just…well, all this is a bit personal you know?"

To be frank I think it was a bit stupid of me to leave it for her that time, it's opened me up far too much, more than I ever thought it could do. As I panicked slightly at the thought of it I laughed nervously at her comment. Within seconds I felt her slender frame roll on top of me.

"Are you laughing at me Campbell?" she giggled, her eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Only a bit." I replied, happily wrapping my arms around her waist, sliding my hands under her shirt.

"Oi! Stop that," she said kissing me before reaching back and firmly removing my hands. "You're supposed to be telling me about these songs."

"Yeah well, I'm not the one on top at the moment Ems, If I'd known that all you wanted to do was get intimate with me musically; I wouldn't have put my hands there."

"You liar" she said, rolling off me and back onto the blanket. She's right as well, currently I can't keep my hands off her…and I can't even blame it on the drugs anymore. I turned to face her, running my hand down her side.

"Fair cop."

I got her best fake glare in return to my touch, before my hand was firmly gripped and pulled down to the blanket. She didn't let go of it though, intertwining our fingers and squeezing them tightly.

"So Naoms, are you going to let me get intimate with you…musically then?"

I give her fingers a slight squeeze before letting go and pressing play on the playlist.

"_Caroline Laughs And It's Raining All Day"_

"So Emily, can you remember what you were wearing for the first day at school?"

o+o+o

_Emily_

I glance down at the clock at the bottom of the screen with surprise, it's ten past six. We've been lying here talking about songs for the last two and a bit hours. She'd explained so much of what the music meant to her I'm actually quite overwhelmed. I'm not sure we've ever been this close…ever...and it's pretty fucking wonderful.

In the last couple of hours I've learnt so much about her and how she thinks, the happy times and the sad ones…so many sad times for her, so many confused times as well. Part of me hurts a little to know I caused her so much pain, part of me wishes I'd had more courage back at that party, part of me wished she'd had the same.

If we'd both been braver all of this might have been unnecessary, we might be living 'happily ever after' right now rather than just thinking about it. Ah well, at least I can think about the happily ever afters; there was a time or two recently when they were seriously in doubt.

Very seriously in doubt in fact, and we were both to blame for it.

"Babe, you seen what time it is?"

Nothing, not even a blink.

"Naomi." I continue, giving her a nudge for good measure.

"Yeah, one second Ems." She replied absently fiddling with the computer. "There, done."

She looked over at me as I glared at her. "Did you even hear what I said?"

I laugh at her as she looked sheepishly at me before lowering her eyes, "Sorry hun, I was adding some songs for today."

Ok, now I'm intrigued I gently but firmly shove her out of the way.

"Two songs? That all?"

"Bloody hell Ems, give me a chance, it took me five and a bit years to do the others."

I stick my tongue out at her and go back to looking; sure enough at the end of the playlist are 'La La Love You' by the Pixies and 'Dog Days' by Florence and the Machine.

'_Fucking hell'_

I can feel my heart racing at the thought of that last track; I even know why it is doing it. We'd covered it at college when we got a lesson on NLP, everyone thought it was rubbish, but I'd kept quiet, one certain song and one certain smell taking me back to one very special place for a much younger Emily Fitch.

"So all this music takes you back?"

"Yeah," she'd replied pulling herself close to me and gently wrapping her hand with my hair.

"Why? Do you think it's weird or something?" I can hear a hint of panic in her voice. "Fuck that's it, isn't it? You think it's weird having someone write a playlist to your relationship. I guess it's kind of freaky, something someone like Panda would do."

"It's not freaky Naoms, it's called anchoring you know? Everyone does it to one extent of another. It just looks like you really get it with music."

Not only get it, understand it, make use of it, learn and heal from it. Who would have thought that Naomi Campbell would be that, well, creative? She looked dumbstruck as I tried to explain it to her.

"What _you_ do it as well?"

Seriously, I'm sure I've said it before but for a clever girl she's as dumb as a bag of spanners.

"Nai why do you think I have S Club fucking 7 as your ringtone? Because of that party, because of our first kiss."

"Oh."

"Jesus Naomi you're a dork sometimes." I said rolling on top of her body, smiling into the kiss I placed onto her surprised, part open lips.

"I'll tell you something though."

She opened her eyes to meet mine, our faces mere centimetres apart.

"I doubt I'll be able to hear 'The Dog Days Are Over' again without soaking my underwear."

Naturally at that point she had to kiss me, and even more naturally, she had to press play.

o+o+o

_Katie_

Sunsets over Bristol have never really been spectacular, I have to admit they've never done anything for me really but here, in the squalid little park, next to the grotty old man's drinking den that Eff has braved to bring us a couple of V here, right now it's pretty fucking amazing. In an ideal world the sun would set right in front of us, over the houses and chimneys and factories that are laid out before us like toys. It doesn't though, it's a morning view really; but even so the sky is lit red like it's on fire and the clouds are glowing with a purple pink hue.

It's all so fucking beautiful.

Or perhaps that's just the company.

I can't help but shiver as a slight breeze runs across my body, it's not cold but it's not as warm as it was half an hour ago. As I chink the ice against the side of my glass Eff slides an arm around my shoulders and rubs my arm gently.

"Getting cold Katie? Do you want to go in?"

I shake my head in denial, I do really but I also want to sit right here and stay with her. She seems to be enjoying the view, has been staring at it since she got back from the pub, stopping only to take a sip from her drink.

"Eff, I've been thinking."

"Really Kay, that's not good. Are you sure you're up to that?"

"You _Bitch_," I instinctively exclaim nudging her with my shoulder, sloshing her and my drinks around, spilling some onto the grass. It's fine though, I know she's teasing me and I'm ok with it. I like her teasing me...I know it's not serious, I know she's not really having a go.

I'm positive that when the time comes when I inevitably upset her, I'll know about it one way or another.

"It's your bad influence Fitchy."

Damn I wish Naomi had never called Emsy that in front of us. She'd done it to tease her, Effy seems to have adopted it as well. I frown at its use, but she just winks at me in reply.

"I'm serious Eff, I've been thinking about Emsy and Blondie." She raised an eyebrow slightly but didn't say anything.

"Look, Emsy's going away soon, or at least I think that's still their plan." Eff nodded, _'fucking hell...how the fuck does she know about it and I don't?'_

"Naomi told me yesterday Kay, whilst we were having a chat. She says that they've got that trip to London planned next week, then it's _'home, packing and fucking off out of this fucking shithole, leaving the misery behind'_...her words not mine."

I feel a little pain in my chest at hearing it confirmed. Ems and I had got close again over the last few weeks, with Freddie and Naomi and everything in between. I'd got used to having her as my sister. Not my equal of course, I still look better in her clothes than she ever will; but she's taught me a lot my sis has. I feel like I'm a better person for knowing my new and improved little sister and I love her to fucking bits. I really don't want to see her leave me now, not for anything, but I know it's what she wants, what she's always wanted and I can't be unhappy about that.

It just makes me more determined to go ahead with what I'd thought of.

"Look, they're going away then and I'm not going to see Ems for probably a year. I want to throw them a party, a surprise party. Something really cool."

"That's sweet Kay." Eff smiled at me with real warmth, her eyes, usually so emotionless, suddenly beaming with what looked like pride. "What are you thinking then babe, you seem to have thought it all out."

I hadn't really, I'd simply had an idea when I read through the local paper this morning and something caught my eye.

"Well, it's the balloon festival coming up soon, just before they planned to go last time I heard. I thought we could go along for the mass ascent, you know the four of us. Make a date of it. Then we could go around town and head home and have a surprise party waiting for them."

She looked at me thoughtfully before leaning over and kissing me lightly on the lips.

"You know Kay, that's a fucking great idea. We could do champagne and strawberries for the morning and go somewhere nice for lunch. Tell them it's our treat by way of thanks and goodbye."

Champagne and strawberries at six o'clock in the morning, _'Jesus.'_ She knocked back the last of her drink and stood up quickly dragging me to my feet.

"Come on, drink up. Let's go and start this shit. I'll take the glasses back; you have a call to make."

"A call?"

"A call Katie, to Naomi's mum...I'm sure she'll want to be involved in this, actually I'm sure _your_ mum will want to as well."

'_I very much doubt that babe.'_

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Do you know, as much as I love Effy and even Katie, sometimes house guests are a pain in the fucking arse.

Ems and I had moved from the very public, and slightly chilly, garden and were continuing our music appreciation session on the less public and decidedly warmer sofa when the door opened and they bounced in. We did our very best to ignore them but it wasn't easy.

Effy Stonem, Effy bloody Stonem of all people literally bounced into the room like some kind of Emo Tigger.

How many times am I likely to see that in my life?

'_What the fuck has she taken?'_

"Guys, Katie has had a absolutely brilliant idea." Fucking hell, she's practically simpering over her now, do I have to tell her how embarrassing she's becoming? Part of me liked her better when she was quietly nudging me and Ems together, rather than noisily bursting in and pulling us apart.

"Go on Kay, tell them."

"Yeah ok Effy, give us a minute yeah." Ems has pushed me up slightly and slipped her legs back around, adjusting her top as she did so. I guess really I should do the same.

"Kitchen...wine." I manage to utter as I realise that my jeans are unbuttoned and somehow Ems has also managed to tuck part of my T-Shirt into my bra strap leaving my back uncovered.

Still it could have been worse I guess, stupid really after all we have got a perfectly serviceable bedroom.

"Been having fun?" .

'_Oh yeah, really funny Effy.'_ I give her my best sarcastic smile as I rearrange myself; flinching only slightly as she pulled my shirt back, releasing it from the tangle.

"Effy...wine?"

"Thanks babe."

I still hadn't gotten over that ease that the two of them had. Yes I knew they were dating, yes I knew that they were sleeping together. It was one of the things Effy had brought up during our little personal therapy sessions over the last week. Doesn't make it any easier for me though; after all Katie had spent years accusing me of being a muff-muncher when I was actually fucking tossers and Effy has spent the last couple of years prick-teasing my mate and Katie's ex.

It's all a bit weird really.

'_So what's new?'_

Katie bustled back into the room and pushed a glass into Emily's hand and mine before turning on her ludicrous heels and heading back, returning seconds later with two more glasses, one she handed to Effy.

"Right this idea then, it's fucking awesome ok and you both have to say yes."

'_Oh fucking shitty bastard fucking shit.'_ That pretty much summed it up actually; any idea of Katie's is bound to be a bad one.

I'm right as well; I sit here in horror gripping my glass as she tells me the wonders of the balloon festival. Years I've spent ignoring that thing, everyone wanted to talk about it once a year, the morning ascent, and the evening "glows". Can you imagine anything more fucking boring than watching a bunch of inflated commercials floating into the sky all shouting 'look at me' with their vulgar display of wealth?

The cost of one of those balloons could give fresh water to a village in Africa in perpetuity, probably two or three villages actually by the time you add all the extra costs in. Well fuck that, I'm not going.

"Oh Katie, that sounds wonderful, so romantic. Of course we'll come won't we Naoms?"

'_Bastard shitty shit fuck BASTARD!'_

I shrugged and then smiled and nodded, Effy caught my eye as I did so; her lip curling slightly into a smile.

"What?" I ask, being totally ignored by the twins as they yatter to each other ten to a dozen.

"You're my hero."

"Fuck off Eff."

"No Naomi, you are. The way you put your foot down then was wonderful, you know how much you hate the balloons."

"That obvious?"

I must be losing it, Jesus I hope Katie and Emily didn't spot it as well, then I would be in the shit. At least I can trust Effy to be, well, rational about it.

"Only to me. Anyway what's the problem?"

Hmmm, let me see. It's a double date, which isn't going to be fun. It's a six am start which means I'm going to be awoken by a very excited Emily at about three in the morning and she won't be waking me for anything but getting up and racing around. She's like a kid that way. Then I have to spend an entire day with her and the toxic twin to whom I'll have to be incredibly polite or all three of them will kill me.

"It's fucking early Eff, I hate mornings."

"Coward!"

"Who's a coward Eff?"

'_Oh God please Eff don't tell her, please don't make her mad at me...today has been such a fucking great day. Don't fuck it up.'_

I don't know if she heard my thoughts but she gives me a safe out to Emily's question.

"Naomi is Emily, I offered her another drink and she said she didn't want one. Told me she doesn't like drinking too much anymore. I called her a coward. Nothing special, I was just teasing her."

"Naomi said she's going to quit smoking as well." She said proudly, gripping my arm and pulling me to her. "Isn't that great?"

Effy raised an eyebrow at me, an amused smirk hovering on her lips.

"Yeah, I said I'd try soon Ems, it's not as easy as just stopping you know? Give me time."

"Well the thought is there Naomi, I think that's important. I think it's sweet that you'd stop smoking for Emily."

I glare back at her smirk until, like a leopard print wearing superhero, Katie comes to my rescue.

"Well if Naomi can do it babe, I'm sure you can...you could be quit partners and help each other off the weed."

'_Not looking so amused now eh Stonem?' _I let my eyes twinkle their mirth at her as Katie wraps her arms around her. Unfortunately I'm dragged away from my oh so rare gloating by a knock at the door. Handing my glass to Emily I go to answer it.

It's more than a bit of a shock when I open the door to reveal the last person in the world I thought would ever visit. No not Scarlett Johansson, I fucking wish; but Jenna Fitch - mother of the love of my life, all round bitch and a woman that without fail regards me with barely concealed loathing.

"Jenna, so nice to see you here again. You're looking..."

SLAP!

I'm knocked backwards by the ferocity of it. Jenna has hit me across the cheek with some serious venom.

"Get out of my way I'm here to see my daughters."

"No way," I say, recovering my wits, "get the fuck out."

I'm shoved violently into the stairs. I'm in no condition to fight with her, today's exertions have taken an awful lot out of me, but I'm fucked if she's going to waltz in here like that. Pulling myself up from the stairs I block her entry into the living room again, and take another hard slap for my troubles.

"MUM! FUCKING STOP THAT, SHE'S ONLY JUST GOT OUT OF HOSPITAL!"

'_Well that's not strictly true Ems, but what the fuck...if it stops her hitting me it's all good'_

"Be quiet Emily, I've come to take you girls home. I've had enough of your nonsense. You're both coming with me."

"Like fuck I am."

"You will do as you're told Emily Anne Fitch." She waved her finger at Emily before rounding on me as I stood in the doorway.

"Everything has gone wrong since my daughters met _you_. You've corrupted them both, it wasn't good enough for you to turn Emily into...into a...a _lesbian_ but you've had to poison my Katherine as well."

Poison, fucking hell. Anyone would think that it was me that was fucking Katie.

"You are a disgrace, a disgraceful girl. I should have known better that time I first met you. I warned you Naomi. I warned you to stay away, I told you Emily wasn't gay but you carried on didn't you? You kept on corrupting her and you took her from me. You are _not_ doing the same thing to Katie you filthy pervert."

I have to admit to stepping back slightly under the onslaught, she's pretty fucking scary when she's annoyed. I can see where the twins get it from.

"I should have known all about you from what Emily told me, that commune you live in, all those men and women coming and going, the drugs, the orgies. Your mother is a joke in this town..."

She didn't get much further as she stepped backwards as I launch myself at her.

"You call me all you like Fitch, but you're not fit to mention my mother. She's a hundred times the mum you are, you self-righteous fucking bitch. Why don't you fuck off and listen to yourself. My mum may have brought me up in a commune but at least she loves me, what's your fucking excuse?"

The blow I take is almost satisfying, it's not even a slap this time, it's a punch. I guess she doesn't like people to stand up to her. Luckily for me it doesn't connect properly as Emily's grabbed my hand and pulled me away, sitting me on the sofa.

"You ok hun, let me see." She stops me from rubbing my cheek where the punch caught me.

"Fucking hell mum, you've fucking cut her." I reach my hand up to find a tiny drop of blood on my finger. Seriously I've had worse cuts shaving my legs. Jenna ignores her though; she's in full fucking flow.

"And as for you Katherine, I'm ashamed of you, carrying on with that harlot there, and in public as well, acting like a whore. I saw you this afternoon, out there. Drinking and kissing. How dare you embarrass me like that, what will people think?"

"Perhaps, Mrs Fitch, people will think she's in love and happy."

"You can shut up as well Effy Stonem, I remember what you did to my KitKat, I'll phone the Police, I can still have you charged for hitting her with that rock you know. I can send you to prison; you can rot in there with that boyfriend of yours. They know you now, I know they wanted to charge you over her." she said pointing in my direction, not willing to even look at me.

'_Fucking hell'_

"Mrs Fitch, I suggest you leave before you go any further, you're embarrassing yourself and you're embarrassing your daughters. Emily and Katie are quite happy here, you should just be happy for them. Besides, if anyone is going to phone the police it should be Naomi; you've forced entry into her house, assaulted her and now committed actual bodily harm. It won't be me rotting in a cell Mrs Fitch, it will be you."

She looks stunned before the fury rises and she goes to hit Effy; she never makes it, despite Eff just standing there and staring at her. As her arm swings the flying form of Katie pushes in between them and blocks her arm.

"Fuck off Mum ok; you do not hit my fucking girlfriend. Fucking enough already."

"She is _not_ your girlfriend Katie, now go and get packed; you are both coming home with me."

"What to that fucking caravan," Emily joins in, "some fucking home that is."

"We are not going to the caravan. I have told your father that we will be staying at my sister's house, in Dumfries. It's all been arranged. We leave tonight; there we'll be able to cure you of this deviant behaviour. It will be fine when we get you away from _that girl_."

"Well _bye then_ Jenna," Emily spat out, I could hear the hurt in her voice, seemingly unable even to call Jenna mum. Something she'd always been able to do, even through the bad times after she came out.

"I'm not leaving _my home_ to go and camp out in Scotland," she continued. "Besides, Naomi and I are going travelling in a fortnight and then were going to University, _in London_. So you can take your little trip and shove it. I'm not leaving Naomi, I _need_ her, I _love_ her...I've _always_ fucking loved her."

Emily's shaking with rage as she stands and faces down her mother. The one person, other than me, that she wanted to love her and wouldn't. I've never been so angry with one person in my whole life as I am right now at Jenna Fitch. I want nothing more than to punch her, the way she punched me. Instead I wrap my arms around Emily and pull her to me. Jenna looked at her and me with hate in her eyes.

"You're not my daughter; I don't know who you are." She spat on the floor in front of Emily, shocking us all. "You're nothing but a freak."

Emily turned away from her and buried her head into my chest, shoulders shaking as she sobbed. Heartbroken at the reply. As I held her tight and whispered into her ear, telling her how much I loved her and how everything would be all right, I heard a loud crack and saw Jenna's head twist sideways. Katie has just dealt her a full roundhouse slap, and I can see the handprint visible on Jenna's cheek as she turned back, shock written on her face.

"I fucking warned you mum, I warned you not to push us away. I've told you twice that you should appreciate us for who we are. Don't you fucking get it? Emily's happy, fucking hell even I'm happy. I've found someone to love that actually loves me. Why can't you deal with that?"

"You are not gay Katie, it is all her doing. You are normal, you're not a freak."

Katie looked at her mother with pity in her eyes, before walking away and standing with Effy.

"I don't know what I am mum, but I'm not a freak. I'm in love with a girl; she's in love with me. We're starting a relationship and we're happy. Why can't you just be happy for me, for Emily, for the four of us?"

"You are not gay, Jenna continued in full fucking denial mode. You've always dated boys, you're the normal one Katie, you're _my_ daughter."

Katie shook her head sadly. "I did date boys, slept with a lot of them as well, but they don't make me feel the way Effy does. She's sweet and kind and loving and she's worth more than anyone I've ever dated. So I guess that means I'm not your daughter either mum, because I'm not leaving here and I'm not leaving Effy to go with you."

"So when these two leave, where will you go? When Jezebel over there takes your sister away where will you stay then? You'll see sense when you have no home Katie; you'll come begging for forgiveness then."

"She'll stay with me, or we'll rent somewhere. Katie will be fine, Mrs Fitch, she's been homeless before and she knew exactly who she could turn to; there's no need to worry about her."

Fucking Effy, how can she be so calm? I want to go over and rip Jenna's fucking head off, but I know Emily needs the calm me more.

"I think you should leave Jenna, before I do call the police. I think you've upset everyone enough for one evening."

"Katie you are coming with me, right now."

"No mum, I'm sorry but I'm not. I told you that you'll lose us if you carry on, well I hope you're happy, because you have..."

Even I can hear the break in that normally confident voice. Effy wraps her arms around Katie's shoulders.

"You've disowned Emsy and I'm disowning you. I don't want to know you mum, I really don't; not the person you've become anyway. I used to be as bad as you, made Naomi's life miserable, hated her and Emily together. But you know? I came to realise that they love each other. You think you know about a what they've been through but you don't know the half of it. Look at them mum, they're still together and until you burst in through the door shouting and hitting Naomi they were having the time of their fucking lives.

I'm jealous of them, you know? I hope Eff and I can be half as happy as they are, because if we can be, then I'll be happy for the rest of my life...

...all I ever wanted was for you, and dad and Emsy and even James to love me, to love each other; but you've ruined that haven't you mum? You've ruined it because you're a selfish cow that worries about what the neighbours will think.

Go away mum, go to Dumfries. But you'll go on your own because I'm not coming."

Effy hugged Katie as she finished her little speech and stared Jenna down. I watched her shoulders sag as she realised that she was finally beaten. Beaten down by those fighting Fitches, the twins that had captured two hearts and defended them like champions.

"I think you should apologise Jenna," I find myself saying, "You've got a chance to make everything right here. It's not too late."

"Apologise to you, what do you expect me to do? Thank you for corrupting my daughters?"

I shook my head as Emily turned to regard her mother, the biological reason for her existence, the one person that continued to deny who she was.

"No Jenna, I know you'll never apologise to me, but you should apologise to your daughters. You can fix this before it's too late."

_Jesus Naomi, did that fall knock some sense into you? When did you get so reasonable?'_

"I don't have any daughters, not any more, not thanks to you."

And with that she was gone, and the twins tears fell again.

o+o+o

It's late and the repercussions of Jenna Fitch's actions are still being felt around our home. Katie and Effy have gone into the kitchen. I can hear Katie crying, I've not heard that since the night she arrived on our doorstep with Emily's bags, the night she admitted to loving Freddie. Guess Effy is doing the same thing that I'm doing to Emily; holding her tight and reassuring her that everything is ok.

"She was so horrible to you Naoms."

I just squeezed her shoulders kissing her hair.

"and she hit you, she fucking hit you, I hate her!"

I smiled, somewhat ruefully, "You don't hate her Ems, she's your mum. You don't have it in you to hate her, you don't have it in you to hate anyone, even me...and look what I did to you."

She dragged her head away from my chest and looked right at me, right into me; her brown eyes red and filled with tears, it was just as well she hadn't put any make-up on because I would have been cleaning it off my shirt for weeks.

"You stayed Naomi; you decided never to give up on me, that's the difference. She never did, never really wanted me."

"Oh Ems, I'm sure that's not true."

She buried her face again, "it is true Naomi, it was always Katie, she never really loved me. I was just the other twin. Now she hates us both, just because of who we love."

"Fuck her then Ems; fuck her and her bigoted fucking opinions. Stupid fucking bitch. I fucking hated her from the moment I met her, she was a fucking cow and you deserve better. If she fucks off and never comes back we'll be fucking better off."

She looked up at me, the crying suddenly stopped and she regarded my outburst with distain.

"Nai, that's not nice. She's still my mum."

I grinned down at her incredulous face. "See babe, you don't hate her, she's still your mum yeah. You'll still defend her no matter what."

I held her face in my hands and gently kissed the tears from her cheeks, kind of proud of how I'd made her see the truth.

"She'll come around hun, one day she'll realise how much you mean to her. But until that day I've got you to myself."

She looked at me with big sad eyes.

"But she hit you babe, and she ruined our day. It was perfect until she walked through that door and she ruined it."

"Well I'm not sure how Ems," I said with a broad smile that seemed to confuse her. "I woke up this morning with you in my arms, spend most of the day the same way and here I am, in the evening with you in my arms. That sounds like a pretty fucking perfect day to me."

"Yeah but..."

"Oh yeah and the sex was awesome too," I interrupted kissing her nose, "but mainly it's the having you here. That makes every day perfect for me. Jenna Fitch or no Jenna Fitch."

I got a smile, oh how that makes it all worthwhile each slap and that punch fade into insignificance at that fact that she smiled. I got a smile from my girlfriend for something I said and the day really is perfect. I made her smile when she was upset and I got to kiss away her tears. _'Yeah, a pretty fucking perfect day.'_

"You're wonderful, you know that?"

"I'm not, but I'm trying to be Ems, because you deserve it. You deserve everything I can give you because you're perfect. Every day I'm with you is perfect, that's just the way it is."

She snuggled back into my chest, her eyes no longer streaming tears down those beautiful cheeks.

"Same here babe, I love you."

It's muffled by my T-shirt and the fact that she's pushed her head into my cleavage.

"I love you too Ems, now can I have my tits back please?"

"No."

.

_._

_._

**A/N **– I have friends that lived in Bristol and they bore the hell out of me with talk about the balloon "glows". I'm afraid I'm with Naomi...Mrs Es is with Emily.

We don't go to Bristol (-:

Next stop, the big smoke again, get ready for a trip to London folks.

MtfM-FTW!


	31. Together In The Smoke Part 1

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent (which I still rue, otherwise I'd have written something like Harry Potter myself and be disgustingly wealthy!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note – **Hello again, I'm back with the next chapter in my girls' lives, only four more to go after this which makes me both sad, and anxious to do them justice. This is probably a long and boring one unless you like London which I do. More fluffy Naomily interactions to make me happy, because it's the weekend and I like happy!

**Chapter 31 – Together In The Smoke Part 1.**

_Naomi_

I didn't get my tits back that night, nor for the next few nights in fact, Emily was in seriously clingy _'prove that you love me' _mode and I'd been doing everything I could to do just that. It seemed like all she wanted to do was bury her head in my chest and cry. She'd got up, gone to work, come home and hung onto me like her very life depended on it and I'd clung on to her because mine does.

I'm faced with a real problem though, one pretty large part of me wants nothing more than to stay here and hold her, another part want to go around and give the bitch a piece of my mind for doing this to my Emily. Jenna Fitch really knows how to do a number on people; though I never thought I'd see the day when she would do anything to Katie. Emily yes, she's been a fucking bitch to her because of me for the last year or so. In some weird way at least that had prepared Emily for her mother's abuse. She'd left home because of her attitude so she knew how she was. Even with that crumb of knowledge she was fucking devastated by what she had done and what she had said. Katie really wasn't prepared for it, had never been the brunt of her mother's contempt, it had really done over Katie.

Katie was the apple of her eye, the perfect daughter and boy had she played on it though their childhood. Ems had told me a lot about their formative years, including a couple of things about them that I didn't really need to hear. Katie was always sweetness and light around Jenna and she pushed Emily into the shade she generated. Ems always said that it was Katie's fault, desperate to protect her mother, desperate not to jeopardise the fragile amount of love she actually got. She was wrong though, is wrong, it's not Katie's fault it's Jenna's.

I can't believe that she can't find a place in her heart to love this intelligent, beautiful, quiet, demonstrative, contemplative, thoughtful, wonderful girl.

I mean, what's not to love?

Fucks sake, I love her to bits and I don't have the added advantage of a biological connection the way she has. I was a fucking cow to my mother for most of my life and despite her habit of abandoning me to go and do things she thought was important I never really doubted that she loved me. I'm pretty sure that's what mothers are supposed to do.

I'm also pretty sure that's what Katie expected and was shocked to find it wasn't there the other night. I don't think she's left Effy's side since then and I for one don't blame her. She must be feeling so alone at the moment. I only hope that Effy is strong enough for her, that whatever they have together is strong enough to cope with the aftershocks of a mother's rejection. It's got to be hard to be 'mummy's girl' and be rejected like she was, hard for both of them, it's not been that long since Effy was left alone. Fuck, I hope they can be ok.

At least Emily had Rob, Rob's been fucking brilliant. I gave him a call on the Monday morning whilst Emily was at work and told him what had happened. He already knew, sort of, he'd turned up at the house at lunchtime looking for Emily and I'd sat down and explained it all to him.

To say he was fuming would be an understatement. I didn't catch about half the words he said, his broad Liverpool accent getting thicker and faster as he raged. Emily is definitely Daddy's girl as far as he was concerned. I'm pretty sure that Jenna was in for a hard time when he got home, I got the distinct feeling that he knew nothing about her little plan. I was proven right later that afternoon when he came back to see Emily, courtesy of a text I sent when she got home.

"DAD!" she'd shouted as she opened the door, throwing herself into his arms.

"Hiya sweetheart," he replied wrapping her in his huge arms, Fitch hug in full effect, "haven't seen you for ages so I thought I'd come round on the way home from work."

"You got a job…" she'd started dragging him into the house, "Naoms, Dad's here!"

"Hi Rob," I'd said from the kitchen, "Long time no see. Come to talk politics again?"

"Nah, you kick my arse when we do that. I'd actually come to see Emily, came to tell her about my new job."

Yes I knew about the job, yes I'm playing dumb…I had no intention of letting Emily know I'd stuck my nose into this.

They'd sat happily on the sofa whilst I made some food, Emily giggling at Rob's descriptions of his customers at the new mega-gym complex that had opened in Bristol. I must admit to have being impressed, he'd got a pretty responsible job there, not quite manager but senior enough that his salary should get them out of the caravan and into a rented property. He'd been there just over a month and whilst it wasn't his own place he was impressed with the plans and the equipment. He was doing well and that's nice. I knew Emily would be pleased.

"What about Auntie Julie's?" Emily had asked. "What about Dumfries?"

I admire Robs acting skills; he'd actually been able to look shocked at that, even though we'd discussed it earlier. He managed to look even more shocked and offended as Emily explained what had happened.

"I'm not sure your mum would want me living there sweetheart, not with our history."

She looked at him and let out a short laugh, before bursting into tears again. I didn't get it, I assumed it was one of those father and daughter moments that I never had.

As she sobbed her heart out again, he slipped his arm around her. "Don't worry Emsy love, I'll sort this. You know what she's like, but she has been trying. It's been tough for her all this mess. I messed it all up, but I'm trying to put it right."

"It's not your fault Rob. " I chimed in, reluctant to allow him to blame himself. "It's just the way she is. She gave me a hard time when I visited your old place before…you know…well she just doesn't like me that's all. She doesn't think I'm good enough for Emily"

"She doesn't think you're the right gender for me, that's all. You could be a total shit as long as you were male…look at some of Katie's boyfriends. She's better off with Effy, yet mum can't see it."

Rob, bless him, didn't even blink at that; I was surprised; I hadn't mentioned Katie and Effy, didn't think I was my place to say anything.

"Katiekins is dating again, that's nice. Isn't Effy your friend, the one that hit her?"

"Shit!" Emily stared at Rob in horror, "SHIT! You never heard that Dad, they're trying to keep it quiet, I shouldn't have mentioned it. Fuck, they asked us to keep it a secret."

"Don't worry sweetheart, I can keep a secret," Rob's eyes flicked towards me for a fraction of a second before flicking back to Emily, "I won't say anything to anyone. Is she happy?"

Emily nodded. "Then that's all that matters to me, one day though I'll have to have a little chat with her…won't I Naomi?"

I bit my lip, seriously that's a fucking bad habit I've got to learn to quit doing, especially as Emily is looking right at me and smiling knowingly as I did so. I remembered our little chat. I'd met Ems at her dad's gym a couple of days after the Love Ball; he'd appeared outside as I waited for her and introduced himself. I'll never forget the way he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and squeezed with his ham sized fist firmly on my arm.

"You and I need a little chat Naomi," he'd started, "although this is the first time I've had to talk to someone that's dating my Emily _and_ the first time I've ever had to have this little talk with a girl, the rules are the same."

He'd gone on to talk to me about guarding her virtue, which I'd tried not to be embarrassed at given what we'd been doing practically every day since we got together; and about what he would do to me if I ever hurt her. Looking back I'm glad they were empty threats; I'd hurt her, hurt her badly and my limbs are still intact. I guess it was just the thought that counted, it made him feel better.

"Earth to Naomi?" Emily woke me from my reverie. I blinked and looked at the two of them, both grinning at my face.

"Remembering what I warned you are ya Kid? Well it still applies." Rob did his best threatening face and I couldn't help but laugh at it, it is actually ludicrous.

"Fuck off Rob, you wouldn't hurt me, you love me. Who else would you argue politics with?"

I liked arguing politics with Rob, even if we did agree on an awful lot; my favourite kind of political arguing that is, two people against the world, sharing their contempt at society and those that run it.

"Yeah, well that might be true but you have to know about it. It's a tradition, you wouldn't believe the amount of boys I've had to warn."

"Not for me though, "Emily butted in, "all for Katie's boyfriends." Jesus she was sweet sometimes, wanting to defend her reputation even though she knew that I knew every person she'd slept with. I walked over and sat on the arm of the sofa our hands wrapping round each other almost instinctively.

"It's ok Ems, I know you're not a tart, you're the nice twin remember."

"Oi!" My ears are assailed by Fitch indignation.

"Well you _are_ the nice twin. Oh fuck off the pair of you. Jesus, you can't even compliment your girlfriend without getting stick."

"Well you did insult Katie babe."

I thought about my answer carefully before slyly winking at Rob.

"No Emily darling, I said you're _not_ a tart…you decided it was an insult to Katiekins. You decided I'd called Katie a tart, I didn't say anything of the kind, says more about you than me that does hun."

She hit me; of course she did, not seriously though, not like Jenna. Emily hit me the way she always does when she's amused, all flappy arms and jokey indignation. I got up laughing at her performance whilst fending her away.

"Right you two, kettles boiled and chilli is done, I'll make us a drink; you stopping for some food Rob? You're more than welcome; Katie has apparently been invited by Anthea to eat at Eff's tonight so I've done far too much for just us two...even with Emily's appetite."

"He shook his head, "Sorry kid, I'd love to but we're going looking at somewhere to rent," he replied looking at his watch. "Should be going actually, I need to pick Jenna and James up and get over there before the landlord rents it to someone else."

He hugged Emily again and stood up.

"Now don't you worry about your mother, she and I will be having words. Now, what you got planned this week Emsy, you going to have time for your old Dad if I pop around again?"

"Course I will, I'll make time, Nai and I are off to London tomorrow but we're only there for the day, coming back late night."

"Or early morning" I added with a smile, "Depends on whether we end up getting into a club or not."

"Well I'll give you a ring before I come over; make sure you're in and not, erm...busy." He winked at her and smiled at me.

"Ugh, dad," Emily said pushing him good naturedly in the chest, "get out before I throw you out."

I waved my goodbye as he went out into the hallway; giving the two of them chance for a moment alone. It didn't, however, stop me eavesdropping as I sat back down on the sofa and fiddled with the remote control.

"Glad to see you so happy sweetheart, you enjoy your trip to London with Naomi, you two have fun. You deserve to have some fun. Here, split this between you and Katie, have a few drinks on your old dad."

I heard her protest but good old Rob wasn't having it. "Payday sweetheart, that's why we're house hunting, take it and have some fun. It's not much, given how much I've screwed our lives up recently, but it'll get you a couple of drinks and a bite to eat with your girl while you're down there. I'm not taking no for an answer."

I heard them hug their goodbyes and saw Rob walk down the path out of the corner of my eye.

"Dad! Thanks for coming, I love you."

"Love you too sweetheart, give my love to Katie when you see her, I'll call you later. Enjoy London."

"We will." She said before closing the door. I managed to relax slightly, she sounded much happier. Mission accomplished! I looked up as she skipped into the room, sat on the sofa and wrapped me in a hug.

"What's that for?"

"Thanks."

"Thanks for what Ems?"

"For calling dad, for getting him around to see me."

I started to deny it, but she silenced me with a look.

"You two are so obvious it's untrue Nai, fucking little winks and knowing smiles. Seriously, how did you think I wouldn't guess? I know you Naomi, I know your little ways."

She squeezed me again and kissed my cheek. "I'll let you off your sneakiness though; I'm glad you did it. Really, thanks."

"Feel better for seeing your dad?"

"Just a bit! It's nice to feel wanted…by my family." She added quickly, I assume before I took the hump.

"Good, I don't have to feel guilty for interfering then?"

"Well a bit of guilt would do you good babe, you're always more attentive when your feeling guilty," she hugged me again. "Now what was that about food and drink, I'm starving?"

o+o+o

We sat on the sofa as the night drew in, as is usual for this time of year the programmes on the TV were shite, but Emily was happily watching something about vets so I was forced to sit here and endure it.

Actually it wasn't that bad, not the program, the enduring. At least I had Em in my arms, I'm pretty sure I could endure anything as long as she was with me. I could probably even endure this fucking balloon festival trip that she'd agreed to and the shopping trip afterwards that Katie had insisted on, in order to "get you two tramps some cool clothes for your trip to 'wherever'."

I'd tried to explain the principle of backpacking, not to mention our finances, didn't actually allow for a support vehicle and a team of Sherpa's to carry our bags, but she wasn't interested. Shopping is the lifeblood of Katie Fitch, I seriously pity Effy for that, she looked about as impressed as I had been.

"Nai?"

There we go, right on cue, the adverts have started.

"I made them last time."

"What?"

"The drinks love, I made them last time…it's your turn."

She turned in my grasp and looked up at me, "I was _going_ to ask what time we had to get up tomorrow."

Internally I sighed, it's only the fourth or fifth time this evening I've told her this.

"Coach is at 7:20 hun, so we need to be up pretty early to get to the coach station. We'll get into Victoria for ten thirtyish. Should be there in plenty of time for a good day out."

"Is that how you got there?"

I thought about it, then realised what she meant. "Nope, I got the train; cost me a fucking fortune as well. That's why we're going by coach, eight quid a ticket rather than fucking forty."

"Nai, will you take me everywhere?"

"I'll _take_ you anywhere, "I replied waggling my eyebrows suggestively.

She frowned at me, "I was being serious Naoms, would you?"

"I was kinda serious hun; I'll take you anywhere you want to go. Why do you have places you want to see? Your new Uni maybe? One of the museums?"

She reached up and stroked her hand down my cheek, "I want you to take me everywhere _you_ went when you went there babe. You went for a reason and I want to share that. I want to share the places you wanted to see. They're obviously part of you so I want them to be part of us. You've seen my special place and it's ours now. Take me to yours; let me share it with you."

I felt a small surge of panic, another layer that surrounds me was being peeled away. But she's right, she shared her place, her lake, and it's as special to me now as it was to her before. I can share my special place, share my journey. It's the right thing to do.

"Of course I will Ems, I'll take you everywhere I went and lots of other places I used to go to as well. If it takes us all day and all night I'll show you everywhere."

"Good," she said settling back down as the adverts ended, "wouldn't mind a glass of wine if you're offering."

"Aw hun, you're all comfortable now, it would be a shame to disturb you and go into the kitchen."

'_Nicely done,'_ I thought to myself, satisfied that she wouldn't move from where she was to make me get up. I was wrong, with a flick of her feet she spun herself up and sat on the other side of the sofa, no longer warming me with her body, grinning in victory as she watched the vet on the telly push his hand somewhere I didn't want to consider.

"Ugh, fucking disgusting," I exclaimed, "I'm going the loo. Then _I'm_ getting a drink"

"Well get me some wine when you do."

I scowl at her just to be met with a cheeky wink; fuck it, I give up, I know I'll never win. I try my best for a modicum of dignity as I walk upstairs.

As I wash my hands I take a look at myself in the mirror. Look right into my eyes to see what it is I can see in there. If the eyes are the gateway to the soul then my soul is tired but happy, because that's all I can see. No pain, no misery, no fear and no jealousy. I quite like what I see looking back at me. It reminds me of the face in my picture, the one in my wallet, the one I had remembered last time I was in London.

This trip would be a happy one; I know it...because this time I'm no longer alone, this time we'll be together.

Pouring two generous glasses of cheap white plonk that we had chilled in the fridge; I returned to the living room to see Emily staring at the TV, her face rapt with attention. As I glanced over and sat down it was a stupid TV "talent" show. I flop myself down next to her and give her a nudge.

She takes the glass without moving her eyes from the screen. I look across as a group of blokes in silly costumes do their best to simulate street dancing on a stage.

"They were awesome." Emily cooed as the act finished with a flourish. I snorted with derision.

"If they were anything other than trained dancers I'll be surprised. These things are so fake; it's like watching that American Wrestling show."

Emily took a sip from her glass before sliding herself back into her previous position, back against my chest, feet kicked out over the arm.

"You're just jealous because you can't dance as well as they can."

I sniffed, "I'm an _awe_-some dancer in-I Fitchy, I grew up on the streets of Land-an din-I...we're all _awe_-some dancers...innit!"

She laughed at my fake 'Sarf-London' accent and snuggled back sipping at her wine. I relaxed too as she pressed into me, staring at the TV avidly as it spouted it's puerile mind-controlling nonsense. The banality of it all staggers me; did people really not realise that all this shit was just a method of slowing down their brains, stopping them thinking and asking questions. Didn't they realise that the more of this shit they watched the less intelligent they became?

'_Fucks sake I can feel my brain trying to escape my skull as it is, please Ems turn it off.'_

As another act came on and started to sing, badly, she reached for the remote and started flicking channels. Usually her constant channel surfing would drive me mad, after watching that, anything would be better. Eventually she settled on a "live" comedy show and we spent a pleasurable hour snuggled together, wine in hand laughing at the jokes.

As I drained my glass my beautiful Emily rolled around and lay across me looking up into my eyes. I'll never get bored of looking into her eyes; they're one of her most expressive features. That's a big difference between her and Katie. Katie tends to squint a lot, like she needs glasses but is too vain to wear them. Emily's eyes are always open and round and, well, full of everything she's feeling.

Effy told me yesterday that she believes that the twins wear their hearts on their sleeves; well she's wrong, Emily shows her heart in her eyes.

"We've got an early start tomorrow babe; I think we should go to bed."

I looked across at the small clock on the DVD player, _21:55 _it read. Still early, even with an early start like ours.

"You go if you want hun," I said looking down into those eyes I love so much, "I'm not really tired yet."

She reached up a languid arm and with a sly smile flicked a lock of hair from my face.

"Neither, am I!"

"Oh, OH!"

o+o+o

I'm not good with mornings; mornings are really put there to stop the afternoons, when you feel awake, bumping heads with night, when you should be up to no good...

...and I was definitely up to no good last night.

After her less than subtle hint last evening, I'd literally carried her up to bed in a fireman's lift, stripped her naked and made love to her for as long as we could both stay awake. I'm really feeling it this morning though. All I want now is a long lie-in; instead I've been forced into the shower by a grumpy red-head and told to wake up before we miss our coach.

It's not easy to do that, even after she wandered in as I was letting the warm water massage my skin and playfully turned on the hot tap in the sink; turning my shower ice cold and setting my skin to Goosebumps.

"Nice view," she said pulling back the shower curtain and staring at my erect nipples, seemingly able to ignore my blue tinge and my constant shivering.

"Fuck off Ems, I'm fucking freezing now." I manage to stammer out as my teeth chatter.

She laughed and handed me a towel before turning and skipping out of the room, already dressed and made up. As I wrapped myself in the warmth and stepped out of the bath her head poked around the bathroom door.

"Just so you know Katie and Effy are here to give us a lift to the coach station. Effy's borrowed her mum's car. So you've got a bit longer to get dressed; give me a shout and I'll straighten your hair if you want."

I did think of telling her to fuck off at that, I'm tired, cold and she's babying me again, then I remembered how nice it was to have her dry and straighten my hair. I'd never understood why she liked me to comb and brush her hair until she started returning the favour whilst I was injured. It's really, very relaxing.

Half an hour later and I'm sorted and heading downstairs to the amused grins of Effy and her puppy dog.

"Hey Eff, Hey lemon, how's things in gayland?" I quipped, merely to wind Katie up.

"Pretty good actually Naomi," Effy replied after placing a calming hand on Katie's knee. "How are things with you two?"

"Good, great actually. You two look nice, going out later?"

"Just getting home actually, had a bit of an all-nighter in Bath; thought we could do you guys a favour on the way home to bed...and before you ask Naomi, yes I am sober."

I'm glad about the sober part, but not so happy about the bed comment. Katie and Effy in bed is not an image I want in my head, I still have flashbacks of my own personal memory of their relationship. Still, they have both been pretty good to me recently and I guess that it's a sign that Effy's managed to help Katie through her pain.

"Why don't you stay here? We're going to be gone until the early hours probably. I promise not to wake you when we come home...whatever time it is."

"Thanks Naomi, but mum likes Katie, she doesn't mind her staying at all, it's not like we haven't done it before you know."

"Yeah but you'll get more privacy here with us gone." I hear from behind me as Emily arrives coat in hand, bag over her shoulder. "Think it over." She winked at her sister who, to my immense satisfaction, just blushed.

"Are you two finally ready to go then?" Effy asked, sparing her girlfriend any more embarrassment. "Sooner we drop you off, sooner I can get this one," she elbowed Katie, "all alone in bed."

She chuckled as all three of us, me and the twins looked a little uncomfortable.

"Well as long as I don't have to watch this time, you girls do what you like."

Katie flinched as Effy laughed. "Fuck off Naomi or you're walking to the coach station and Emily probably won't ever sleep with you again if that happens."

I felt Ems slide her arms around me and put her head against my shoulder.

"Not going to happen Effy, not after the last couple of times; she's toe-curlingly awesome my girlfriend is. Effy you really want to talk to Nai; she's got some moves that I just _know_ Katie would love you to try."

Katie stared at her sister, shock and horror written all over her face. It was fucking hilarious. About time Emily got her own back on Katie for all the digs she'd received over the years. Predictably Katie erupted.

"OK, OK can we stop this now please, you're fucking embarrassing me you bitches and I hate you all. C'mon Eff, let's go get into the car."

Katie dragged a laughing Effy off to the battered and dented silver BMW estate her mum still drove. I've got mixed memories of getting into this car. Happy because I spent the last journey squashed next to Emily, able to touch her without anyone suspecting. Happy because we'd spent the night in a tent – 'wriggling' – sad because of what had happened to Katie and how fucked up it had all been afterwards.

"You OK Nai?" Emily asked me as she locked up and walked down the path, catching me staring at the car.

"Yeah," I replied taking her hand, "just thinking back that's all." She looked at me and then looked at Effy's car.

"To Gobblers End? To those two fighting?"

"Actually I was thinking of how much more fun we could have had if JJ had slept in his own fucking tent." I lied. "Perhaps we should do it again sometime." She regarded me with bright eyes and raised a teasing eyebrow.

"Wouldn't be the same without headphones."

I didn't have a reply to that; I simply had nothing to say.

I also didn't have anything to say as they dropped us off at the bus station and Emily pressed her iPod into Effy's hands with a whisper in her ear that brought an uncharacteristic red blush to her cheeks. I don't know if she's being genuine or winding me up. I'm not asking; nu huh, not asking at all. Don't want to know...

"What the fuck was that about?" I hissed as we climbed into our all too tiny seats for the three hour ride to London.

"Not telling," she replied with a wink.

"Fine, I'll just go back to sleep then." I said resting my head on the window and hunkering down, closing my eyes deliberately...

...and for some reason, I did.

o+o+o

Two hours and forty five minutes later I'm awoken with a jolt as we pull into Victoria Coach station. As I look out of the windows I'm reminded of what a squalid, desolate place it is. Even in the daytime it's dark and dingy and lit only by fluorescent lights. I hated the place then, and looking at it; I hate it now.

The main difference between then and now is the red hair that is splayed across my shoulder and the dead weight on my shoulder that is Emily's head as she slept, curled up next to me, my arm wrapped protectively around her. But then that really does make all the difference. I don't remember us getting into this position; I am sort of amazed that it must have happened whilst we slept. We've snuggled together as if it were the most natural thing in the world for us to do; cuddle and sleep on a coach bound for London. Carefully I turned my head towards her and kissed her hair softly, trying to wake her gently.

"Ems, we're here."

"Huh?" she asked sleepily, pushing her head further into me.

"We're here hun, in London...time to wake up baby."

Like the rising sun she awoke bringing light into my dull and miserable life. Even the dirty concrete of the bus station seemed to come alive through the windows as she stretched and looked at me, bringing warmth into my heart.

"What time is it Nai?" she asked sleepily, yawning as she did so.

I glanced at my watch, "About ten to eleven hun, we've made pretty good time." I gestured at the emptying coach, "Shall we?"

After a few moments that we both needed to surface from sleep, we stood, stretched again to ease out the cricks that sitting for such a long time brought and stepped into the narrow aisle. With only two or three paranoid checks from Emily through our gear to make sure we still had everything we needed, we left the cramped confines of the coach and stepped into the cool, damp station.

"Ugh, smells like piss."

"Yeah, it does." It did too, like every tramp in the universe had converged on this one location and urinated, as one, against the walls.

"Come on let's go...where to?"

"Head for Victoria station hun, then look for the tube signs." As we left the stand for the concourse I steered her left and right until, minutes later, we'd walked through the mainline train station and were heading down the escalator to the Underground.

"Just get a Zone one and two travel card hun. It'll do us for the day," I said pumping coins into the machine in the overly warm ticket area.

"Naoms, I don't know what to do." I forgot that this was her first trip to London and quickly dragged her over to my machine and showed her how to select the ticket.

"Zone's one and two will more than cover where we want to go babe, here see, press this and this and shove in the cash."

I started pushing in coins but her hand stopped me, "I'll get my ticket Nai, you don't have to."

"Ems shut up, we're going travelling in three weeks time, we'll be in and out of each other's pockets then and probably for the rest of our lives. So shut up and let me buy you the bloody travel card." I ignored her protests before handing her an alternative, "Look if you're that bothered, you can buy breakfast."

She hit me as I handed her the pink and red ticket, "you git, you had to mention breakfast, I'm fucking starving now."

"Hun, I know the perfect place...you'll love it!"

o+o+o

One, short tube ride later we're at Westminster station and have successfully navigated the barriers and out onto the embankment. It's like I'd never left, everything looks and smells the same. I took her to almost exactly the same spot I'd stood nearly two weeks ago now and put my arms around her shoulders, pressing my chest into her back as we looked over the River Thames.

"This is where it started babe; I got here by train, got the tube to here and stood right there."

I pointed to a spot of ground, totally indistinguishable from anywhere else but that I remembered like no other apart from this spot, the one where we stood now.

"I stood here for a while, just looking around; mum used to bring me here when we lived in London and explain everything around us, the county hall, the houses of Parliament, Boudicca there, everything. I loved coming here, there was so much history, it was my happy place. I used to beg mum or one of the others to bring me here as often as I could. Even in the rain; sometimes especially in the rain. It suited my moods."

We stood silently for a few minutes just watching the world go by, the tourist boats on the river, the people boarding at Westminster Pier, the giant ferris wheel on the other bank that ruined the spectacular view.

"It's lovely, it's a lovely place. I'm glad you brought me here babe. Thank you for sharing it with me."

I pushed my lips onto the soft skin of her neck and kissed her, I love her neck, her shoulders, her everything.

"Thanks for coming hun; it feels so much better than last time. It's an even better place with you with me."

We stood there and enjoyed the sights just watching the world go by before we were interrupted by Emily's stomach rumbling noisily. I reached down and rubbed it.

"Right you," I told it, kissing her neck again, "I can take a hint; you want breakfast and I know the perfect place."

Grabbing her by the hand I led her across Westminster Bridge and onto the South Bank, past the County Hall and onto Jubilee Gardens. As we walked down the street we passed a peculiar yellow vehicle parked next to the road and a group of skateboarders using the walls and steps on the corner to practice. For one moment I thought of Freddie and I know Ems did the same. I held onto that memory for a few seconds before moving on, we had to move on. Freds would understand; today was about the future not the past. It was about exorcising demons, not holding onto them.

As we crossed the road we stood in front of a bright red, touristy cafe, it was one I knew well, mum and I used to come in here and have tea and toast before we went shopping in town. It was good and cheap and it had a great name.

"Enough to Feed an Elephant? Are you taking the piss Naoms?"

"Nope," I replied happily, emphasising the ending with a pop. "Great breakfasts here and not as expensive as you'd think...come on; let's see if they serve enough to feed a Fitch."

o+o+o

After Emily, and admittedly I, had polished off a really very good full English with a pot of tea and some toast we were feeling pretty relaxed. We'd decided to sit inside despite the nice weather, traffic fumes and food not being something I appreciate together. Emily was staring out of the window when the waitress came over to take our plates.

"Excuse me; do you know what that is?"

She pointed at the strange yellow contraption that we'd passed on our way in. She'd asked me about it over breakfast but I had been forced to admit I didn't have a clue what it was.

"It's a duck," she'd replied in a strong East European accent, They do tourist tours from there, they drive round the city and then go in the river. Their office is next door but one. Very good, you'd have fun."

"Thanks," Ems replied as the girl walked away. She turned back to me eyes gleaming.

"Oh no...don't even..."

"Oh come on Nai, I've never toured London, it'd be great...Please?"

She added that pleading little whine at the end, the one she knows irritates me because I can't say no to it.

"Emily, I thought you wanted to do everything I did last time I was here?"

'_Nicely done Naomi, distract her with the original plan; see if you can't make her feel a little bit guilty for abandoning it.'_

"I do babe, but we can do that afterwards can't we? They must bring you right back here. Come on, let's go"

She's practically out of the door before I can say anything; I throw a tip onto the table and grab my stuff. Ems grabs my hand as I step outside and runs me across the road and up to the vehicle in question.

"Have you got any spaces on this tour?" Ems asked the guy with the hat stood at the back of the duck, a roll of tickets and a money belt indicating that he was something to do with the thing.

"We're almost full, but I've got a couple of seats for two pretty girls, how old are you?"

"Seventeen, nearly eighteen though" Emily added, I assume in case he changed his mind and told us we weren't allowed on board.

"Right, well that's sixteen pounds fifty each then." I nearly had a heart attack on the spot, fucking rip-off. Nearly forty quid for the two of us, we could have had a fucking good meal for that! Before I could protest she's shoved a fifty pound note into his hand.

"Dad's treat for us babe, he gave me a hundred quid for the trip. I think he was feeling guilty about me and Katie living with you."

She grabbed the change and the tickets shoving them into her shoulder bag before grabbing my hand again and heading to the metal ladder at the back of the bus,

"Come on, everything once!"

We took our seats near the front of the contraption, Emily pushing past me and taking the roadside slot, it had the best view but I didn't mind she looked so happy right then, like a little girl on the way to the zoo. I slipped in next to her, putting our bags by our feet and throwing my jacket over my lap.

"Last time you said that to me," I whispered into her ear, slipping my arm around her, "we ended up fucking on a blanket beside some water."

She turned her head and kissed me, slipping her hand under my coat and along the top of my thigh, nails scraping through the thin material of the skirt I was wearing.

"Care for a repeat performance?" she asked in a voice that could probably get a nun all excited.

"Oh yeah, I whispered back, kissing her again, "But unfortunately we didn't bring a blanket, not to mention we'll probably get arrested this time, it's not quite as private here."

She laughed a throaty laugh which caused the couple in front of us to turn around and stare at us, probably freaked at the way we were sitting.

"Yes, can I help you?"

Emily laughed again. "Do we now have to go and find a bouncy castle later hun, you know, keep up with the history lesson?"

She looked straight at the man who was glowering at Naomi, "Last time she said that we ended up kissing on a bouncy castle, just in case you were wondering. Need any more details or would you like to leave us alone now?"

God I love her, one minute so polite and friendly with everyone, the next cutting someone dead with a sentence. The couple turned around and muttered together before moving down the bus. Ems and I took the opportunity and stole their seat; it was a good one...right at the front.

As we made ourselves comfortable again, Emily snuggled into my embrace and linked her fingers with mine.

"So is there anyone else you'd like to share the details of our love life with hun?" I asked with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Well most days the whole fucking world babe," she'd replied seriously. "I want to tell the whole world about you and me and how good we are together."

"Well that's fine baby, but could you leave some of our more intimate secrets out?"

"Not really, they're the best bits."

o+o+o

An hour and a half later we're sat in Jubilee Gardens soaking up the sun. I have to admit that the tour wasn't that bad. We'd driven around London, seeing all the main sights Trafalgar Square, Horse Guards, Downing Street. We drove past the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Cathedral before touring up the Mall to Buckingham Palace and heading back.

All the while our tour guide kept up his running commentary dropping little facts and amusing little stories about where we were and what we were looking at. He even managed to me laugh, but then he was taking the piss out of a startled looking tourist who we'd nearly run over.

"Is that right?" Emily had asked as we passed Buck House and headed back to the river. I shrugged in reply. To be honest I'd kind of given up listening in the last ten minutes, I'd spent too much time staring at her.

She really was amusing; she'd spent the entire journey so far either pressed against my body, kissing me or with her head over the side of the duck staring at the sights our guide pointed out, hair flying behind her in the breeze; looking like a dog on a car journey and about as content.

At this precise moment however, she was leaning across me to look out of the other side of the duck at Buckingham Palace and I was taking the opportunity to look down her top

"Are you listening to me?"

"Not really," I'd replied honestly, "I was distracted by your tits; they really are looking lovely today."

"Jeez Naoms, don't you think about anything else?"

"What other than your tits?" I'd replied, feigning offence, "Of course I do...I think about your legs, your shoulders, your neck, your lips...oh those lovely lips...and of course I do a lot of thinking about yo..."

She'd silenced me with a kiss, stopping me completing my thought which was ok in my book. Eventually we pulled apart and she looked at me seriously.

"So, is the front of Buckingham Palace actually the back or not?"

Oddly enough I knew the answer to this; I had to do a project on it at primary school when we lived here.

"It is...they've got a huge private royal garden on the other side, largest private garden in London in fact."

"Elitist bastards." I couldn't help adding, my mother's republican beliefs still exerting an influence over me it seems.

We spent the rest of the journey huddled together, me telling Emily little things I knew about the parts of London we passed, her questioning my knowledge as the tour guide rambled on. Eventually we drove across Westminster Bridge; past the Embankment spot where our London journey had started, not that long ago, and onto the South Bank again.

"On your right you'll see St Thomas's hospital, founded sometime after 1173 and named after Saint Thomas à Beckett the Archbishop of Canterbury who was murdered by four knights after King Henry allegedly said _'Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?'_ It's also the home to the Florence Nightingale Museum..."

"That's bollocks," I'd said to Emily as we drove past the modern looking hospital. "He never said anything of the sort."

"Shhh, I'm listening," she had reprimanded me. For once I did as she asked.

As we continued our drive we passed Lambeth Palace and pulled onto the Albert Embankment.

"Now we're passing Lambeth Bridge and you can see the pineapples on the tops of the pillars representing a local resident, John Tradescant the Younger, who was said to be the first person to grow pineapples in England."

'_Yawn!'_

"On your left you'll see the offices of the International Maritime Organization and here is the old headquarters of the London Fire Brigade, this building was an active fire station until it was sold in 2007 and is now a private development...and way behind them ladies and gentlemen is the famous Lambeth Walk, not a dance like many people think because of the famous song, but a street..."

He droned on as we drove along the embankment until he said something that caught my ear.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to enter the river at the Vauxhall Slipway, now the large glass building in front of us is actually the not-so secret headquarters of MI6, Britain's foreign intelligence service and the real home of James Bond. Can I ask, just because they sometimes make our lives difficult, that you do not take photographs of the building please. We'll wait here for just a second whilst our driver takes a well earned break and we get our Thames Pilot, John, to take us on the next part of our journey...get ready for splash down."

We turned into a narrow street between two buildings and parked on an incline with the nose of the bus pointed at nothing but the murky brown water of the Thames. Emily squeezed my hand and looked across at me.

"Nervous Ems?"

She shrugged and I slipped my fingers out of hers and wrapped my arm around her shoulders again.

"Right folks; get ready, because here we go."

With a lurch the vehicle took off and sped down towards the river and then with a loud splash and a loud squeal from Emily we were in the water and turning downriver towards Westminster.

"Really Ems, did you have to scream?" I asked giggling at her.

"Shut up Campbell, I wasn't expecting that."

As we drove, or is that sailed, along the river; our guide pointed out the culvert that marked one of the hidden rivers that ran under the city, long since covered up by the sprawling mass. As we approached Westminster Bridge he pointed out the green colour scheme the iron work was painted in.

"Westminster Bridge is painted green to match the leather on the benches of the House of Commons which is at this end of the Houses of Parliament."

"Didn't know that," I'd muttered as we passed underneath the old bridge and began our turn back upriver.

"Did you just admit to not knowing something Naomi Campbell? I never thought I'd see the day."

"Funny Ems, I know a lot but I don't know everything; but if I realise I don't know something I try and find it out, like I've just realised that, currently, I don't know what colour your underwear is..."

I reached for her skirt; trying, not so seriously to lift the hem causing a squeal from her and a slight pause in the running commentary from our guide.

After another ten minutes of this I had become seriously bored, I'd heard about Monuments to anti-slave traders, about Lambeth Bridge being painted red to match the House of Lords seats and the Tate Gallery being part of the old site of Millbank Prison, where the prisoners were shipped off to Australia with POM on their backs standing for Prisoner Of Millbank and giving us the Aussie slang name 'pommie'.

"That's bollocks as well." I'd added, knowing that it was a myth.

Finally we'd pulled up the slip ramp and after emptying the bilges of river water, surprising one office worker out on her lunch to everyone's amusement, we headed back to the Jubilee Gardens and the end of the trip.

As Emily and I had got up to disembark our guide held out a hand and stopped us leaving. He'd nodded to the back of the duck where a group of teenage schoolkids were getting off, their teacher gesturing and shouting as they did so.

"Think you two may have just got yourself a load of fans girls. I've never seen a bunch of schoolboys stare at one spot for so long." He'd smiled at Emily's red face, "You two have a nice day in London, hope to see you again one day; bring some friends."

"That was nice," Emily had said as we strolled through the park, eventually finding a place free from people to sit for a bit. "He was a nice man."

"He probably wanted us to bring a load of our lesbian friends along for his amusement," I'd snorted. "Could you imagine Katie and Effy doing that trip? They'd have been bored shitless."

"Yeah, probably. Thanks for doing that with me babe; I know you were bored as well I really enjoyed it though, it was fun...especially with you."

I'd kissed her forehead and we'd sat soaking up the sun, enjoying the midday heat. Eventually she jumped up and held out her hand to me.

"Come on you, you're supposed to show me where you went the other week, let's get going."

I didn't want to, I was actually quite happy just sitting here but I allowed her to drag me to my feet. I linked my arm with hers and led her back to the riverbank.

o+o+o

A short time later we're sat outside a pub called the Founders Arms, right on the riverbank and outside the Tate Modern. I'd been tempted to go in but the red-headed minx I was with had persuaded me to have a drink with her whilst she worked her way through a couple of bags of crisps. I sipped my wine and looked on amused as she ate.

"What?"

"Crisps Ems, after that big breakfast?"

"Yeah well, walking makes me hungry."

I laughed, because really _everything_ makes her hungry, and lit a cigarette, thankful that the no-smoking laws hadn't yet taken into account smoking outside a pub.

"So where next babe? Where did you go from here?"

I pondered her question, as we'd walked I'd been telling her why I walked this route and what I was thinking whilst I'd done it. She'd just hugged my arm even tighter as I'd explained my thoughts.

"We go from here to Tower Bridge babe, it's not far to walk. Past the Globe theatre and round the bend in the river.

"Well come on then," she said polishing off the rest of her V&T, "sun won't shine forever you know."

I downed the rest of my drink and stubbed my fag out in the ash tray and followed my wonderful, understanding, gorgeous girlfriend down the riverbank towards the next half of our journey.

.

_._

_._

**A/N **– There you go, told you it was fluffy. Cuddly Naomily to keep _Stunty_ happy and because she did her Oliver impression and asked so nicely.

Now I only knocked this up today so I'm sorry if there are a load of mistakes...yes I have proofread it, and yes I am rubbish at doing it I know, sorry. Oh and yes, everything and everywhere is real including the Duck tour which is cool! The next chapter will be the rest of the journey, this time from Emily's perspective.

Now if you'll excuse me I think I left an older Naomi bleeding in another story and I need to go and sort that out. How you authors with multiple stories on the go keep everything straight in your heads I don't know. I've only got two and it confuses me...yes _origliasso_ if you're reading...I do mean you (-:

MtfM - Guerrilla Writing for Skins!


	32. Together In The Smoke Part 2

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent (which I still rue, otherwise I'd have written something like Harry Potter myself and be disgustingly wealthy!). Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame).

**Authors Note** – Er, look I'm sorry OK. I know I've done it again...settle back this is a long one...because they're worth it.

**Chapter 32 – Together In The Smoke Part 2.**

_Emily_

I like London, I've decided. I'm not sure about the unfriendly people, the crowded streets the ignorant tourists and the downright dangerous bus drivers. But I like the vibrancy, the energy and the serious amount of things that you can do.

I like it because it's fun, it's energetic, but most of all I like it because Naomi loves it here and when she's happy; I'm happy.

She keeps telling me that she's smiling because she's with me and I'm being a bit giddy. I know she's probably right as well, I am acting like a silly schoolgirl, because technically, until September when we'll be in Goa enjoying ourselves, I still am. I'm young and in love and I have not a care in the world; not anymore, and I'm going to enjoy it.

I'm enjoying running ahead of her along the river bank and then stopping and watching as she strolls towards me, a look of forced resignation at my antics on her face.

I'm enjoying throwing my arms around her at every opportunity, and I'm enjoying making everything that happens an opportunity to do just that.

I'm enjoying the fact that for the first time, in what is probably an entire year, we can enjoy ourselves together with little or no baggage. This was the best idea I've had in weeks doing this. Every step we take along her previous unhappy journey is cleansing her system of the bad memories. Each step together is wiping out the pain of what went before.

I can see it in every step, every smile and every touch.

And it's not the vodka and tonic talking either; I've only had one. I'm not drunk on anything but her.

We've walked down the river towards Tower Bridge, I've only ever seen it in pictures and as we round the corner and I can see it in the distance it's actually more impressive than I ever thought it could be. It's a huge structure and it dominates the river here. I'm actually kind of in awe of it and I can't stop staring straight at it.

"I take it you'd like to go across it Ems?" Naomi teased me for my staring. I just nodded; my breath taken away by how stunning it looked here in its setting with a battleship in front of it, and the Tower Of London to its side. Even the strange juxtaposition of a new, fencing mask shaped, building didn't spoil its majesty.

I fucking love it. I don't care if everyone thinks that's sad.

"You all right Ems?"

I nodded and squeezed her hand, before letting go and skipping up the path towards the bridge; after a hundred yards or so I stopped and leaned against the wall and looked back at the blonde who was making my day so special. She'd stopped and was in the process of lighting a cigarette, pretending to ignore me.

"Naomi?" I called, just loud enough for her to hear. She looked up, tucked her lighter away and stared at me as if she had only just noticed me there.

"Yes? Can I help you with something?"

I'm still getting used to her humour, despite the two years we've known each other. Sometimes she does something and I can't tell if she's trying to wind me up or not. This time though I have no such problem, the forced air of nonchalance, the 'I don't give a fuck' attitude. It's all classic Naomi Campbell teasing.

Well I have the answer to that.

Running back towards her I see a hint of trepidation in her eyes as she guesses what I'm about to do. I see her brace herself and drop her cigarette as I launch myself at her, wrapping my arms around her, forcing my lips onto hers and pushing her backwards onto the grass behind her.

As we tumble to the ground I roll her onto her back and raise myself on my arms above her. I feel her hands come around me and up to my shoulders, copping a, more than welcome, feel of my arse as she does so. Slowly I lower my lips to hers once more and I kiss her softly, our mouths moving in symphony before I deny her probing tongue by pulling apart and answering her question.

"Oh yeah Campbell, you can totally help me with something."

Yes it's juvenile, yes it's girly, but that's how she makes me feel…happy and horny. You have a problem with that?

"Fucks sake Ems, bit of warning would be good," she said pulling me to the ground beside her, her arms still wrapped tightly around my neck, "You nearly bloody killed me then, flopping on top of me like that."

She's teasing me again, well two can play that game. I sat up and turned away sulkily, pulling her arms from my neck, only to find them reaching for my waist as she sat up with me. I hung my head and looked at her with my best upset and pouty face.

"Are you saying I'm fat?" I sobbed, finding it really hard to keep the laughter out of my voice, or the smile from my face.

She just lifted my chin with her hand and placed a soft kiss on my lips, "Well you are getting a little bit chubby Ems, but it doesn't matter. It just means that there's more of you to love."

I pushed her away and stood up, "I am not getting chubby!" I replied, stamping my foot in mock outrage.

"No," she agreed, "you're not. But I still love you anyway."

I love it when she does that, when she just allows her head to say what I know is in her heart. I know she's been making a special effort to tell me she loves me, she's never said that's what she's doing but I just know that's what it is.

Because I'm doing the same.

I promised myself that day at Gina's that I'd never let her forget how much I love her; never let her surrender to her Dragons again. Every day, in any way I can, I take the time to reassure her that I'm hers and always will be.

It's actually much more fun that way.

Like right now, when I decide that the best way to show her is to push her back onto the grass and kiss her again. Just because I can, because I'm allowed to and because when I don't, I actually miss doing it.

"Nai?" I asked as finally sated I allowed her to breathe again, "After we cross the bridge what do we do then?"

"Simple, we get on one of those boats and we head back to Westminster pier, then up towards Oxford Street for a drink and some food."

I glanced at my watch, it was coming up to three o'clock in the afternoon and despite the breakfast and the crisps I was actually hungry again. It's a longer walk than I'd expected and it does burn up a lot of calories…that's my excuse anyway.

"Right then, we'd better get going, sun…"

"…won't shine forever," she interrupted smiling; "yeah you're right. Come on then Fitch; let's go see that bridge you've been ogling."

We walked hand in hand down the river, past the battleship moored alongside the south bank and towards the funny shaped building.

"Disgusting isn't it?" Naomi asked, noticing my look.

"It just doesn't fit with everything," I complained. "It's doesn't fit with the bridge and the tower and those warehouses. It's just too different."

"It doesn't does it? I've always thought it looked out of place…and it's not a patch on the old County Hall."

I looked at her bemused; I guess she's forgotten I don't have a clue about London.

"The building back at Westminster, the one with the aquarium. That's the old county hall, where the Greater London Council used to sit. That thing," she snapped the distain in her voice obvious "is the new City Hall where the new council sits. I think it's a fucking eyesore and it cost a bloody fortune as well."

I squeezed her hand and looked at her, the passion in her eyes obvious. She suddenly looked down at me, her face turning sheepish.

"Sorry Ems," she said, slightly more calm now, "back on my soapbox again I guess."

"You really do have a case of 'I don't ever want to shut my mouth-ism don't you?"

She smiled back at me, "Great, you're making me sound great."

"You are great…a great big Naomi sized pain in the arse that is."

She managed to look shocked, "Well at least I'm not a pint sized layabout with the appetite of a giant."

I went to slap her arm for the 'pint-sized' comment, but she just wrapped me in a hug before I could do so, lifting me up and spinning me around.

"See, you're so small I should just put you in my pocket. You're just too cute for words"

"Naomi, as much as I love your newfound desire for public displays of affection, will you _please_ put me down, people are staring."

They were as well; the people that were sitting on the areas of grass around the city hall were looking at us, at the two strange teenage girls behaving like idiots.

"Fuck 'em!" was the only response I got from her before she stopped spinning me and kissed me soundly.

'_Fuck 'em indeed.'_

o+o+o

Ten minutes later and I'm hanging over the side of one of Tower Bridge's bascules looking upriver towards where we'd walked from. It was even more impressive to stand on as it was to look at, the two towers, well, towering above me. I was even more impressed; as a symbol of London it was very powerful.

"Emily."

I heard her voice behind me and turned around only to see her pointing her phone at me.

"Go on then, smile."

I tossed my head dramatically and leaned back on the railing posing for all my worth, trying not to laugh. Naomi wasn't so lucky, watching me drape myself all over the bridge obviously amused her because she was practically doubling over laughing.

"Take the bloody picture then, don't leave me standing here."

"Already took it babe, got it as you turned."

I walked over and grabbed the phone out of her hand and looked at the screen. It was actually quite a good shot; she'd managed to catch me as I turned to look at her, the smile on my face already present. I looked happy, I was happy.

"Nice pic babe, but we should get one done together."

"What, now?" she said, looking around her for someone to ask.

"No not now, when we get home. Get one done properly. I want a nice photo of the two of us. I don't have a really nice photo of you and me and I think I want one."

She stared at me for a second before her eye's lit up with a broad smile. "We'll do that if that's what you want Ems, but for now, bear with me. I want to show you something today, something important…but we've got a few places to go first."

She suddenly sounded so excited, so enthused I couldn't help but get caught up in it. Suddenly the bridge I was stood on was just that, a bridge. Impressive yes, but unimportant; fading into insignificance behind the blonde who was dragging me ever onwards. It was time to take the next step in our journey and allow her to show me what happened next.

o+o+o

What happened next was rather lovely actually. We crossed the bridge, back onto the north bank of the river and took a few minutes to look at the Tower of London before walking over to the pier to catch the water bus back up to Westminster. We had twenty minutes to kill before the boat left and I was taking a photo of my newest favourite bridge in the world when I felt her hands on my hips.

"Ems, wait her for a second, got to go and do something…won't be a tic."

I nodded at her, assuming she was going to find a toilet or something, and carried on taking photo's of the bridge, the river and the Tower itself. It was as I was hanging over the railings taking a photo of the river when I was hit with a cold shock on the back of my neck.

"What the fuck?" I said turning around, "Naomi!"

She's stood behind me with the biggest grin on her face I've seen all day, in her hand a massive ice cream with flake, the classic 99, my favourite…all bedecked with syrup and sprinkles just how I like it.

"I got ice cream," she said waving it under my nose.

"Really? I hadn't noticed," I smirked back. I paid for my sarcasm a second later when she tipped her hand and flicked my cheek with the cold cream.

"Noice," I replied, reaching up to wipe my cheek. "Thanks for that…can I have my ice cream now please? I think I'd like to enjoy your nice gesture, not wear it."

She passed it over to me with a smile and pulled the wrapper of her Solero, presumably what she had used to freeze my neck, and bite into it happily. My teeth went numb at the thought of what she was doing. I guess I have sensitive teeth or something, but the idea of biting through ice sends a shiver down my spine.

"Come on then Ems, let's get aboard. You'll need your travel card handy."

I handed her the ice cream, albeit reluctantly and only after taking a mouthful, careful to avoid my front teeth, and rooted through my purse for the card. Finally finding it in the pocket you never put _anything_ in I grabbed back the 99 and waited as she found her own ticket. Passes in hand we walked down the gangplank and onto the boat, waving them at the bored looking inspector on the barrier. We headed up one of the narrow stepladders to the open top of the boat and took a position near the front where we had a good view of the city.

Ice creams and me don't last long, I just love ice-cream and she knows it. They last even less time when I have a blonde making suggestive comments in my ear about where she'd like me to put the ice cream so she or I could lick it off... I had to eat it quickly if only so shut her up, not because I wasn't interested, far from it; some of her ideas were of great interest, one or two held some great memories…I just didn't think that the open top deck of a crowded tourist ferry is the greatest place in the world for her to try and turn me on.

"Will you stop that?" I hissed as I finished the last of my cone.

"Why?" she asked kissing my earlobe, her lips still cold from her ice cream stick.

"Because it's not fucking fair," I replied dragging her head away from my ear and holding it between my hands, kissing her lips softly and savouring the fruity flavour that the Solero had left behind.

"You know _exactly_ what you're doing, Naomi Campbell, and you know I can't do anything about it here…so bloody stop it you tease."

She laughed, her proper laugh, the rich and warm one she has, not the cold and forced one I'd spent so much time listening to over the last year.

"Are you laughing at me Campbell?

To her credit, the reply was so like Cook it could have been him.

"Prob'ly"

It was at this point that the voice of the commentator came over the speakers welcoming us on board; we didn't hear it, we were laughing too much to do so.

"Fuck, I miss him you know?" she said eventually after the tears of laughter had stopped

"What? Cook?" I asked, incredulous that anyone could really miss Cook.

"Yeah, him and Effy...I guess they're my best mates."

I pulled her arm around me and snuggled into her welcoming embrace. "What? Am I not your best mate too babe?"

"No Ems, you can't be my best mate, you never could. I love you too much for that. I love them too, but it's not the same you know? It's never been the same. It's an all or nothing thing with you."

"Mostly nothing." I said sadly, before kicking myself for ruining the moment...again.

"Mostly all," she disagreed, "I can't do 'nothing' around you, I tried remember? I failed miserably every time. Even when I was 13 and couldn't speak to you it was always all Ems."

"So I'm not your best friend in all the world then?" I asked, putting on my best 'baby girl' voice to hide my disappointment at her words; waiting for the rejection to come again. I have to admit, I'm more than a tiny bit hurt by her revelation, Since we'd got together I'd always considered her my best friend as well as my lover, I guess that's why her betrayal had hurt so much.

"Nope, you're not my _best _mate Ems, you're my _soul _mate."

She pulled me back into her, my shoulders on her chest, her chin resting on my head. We were silent for minutes, we had no need to speak further, as if both understanding the importance of the moment. The only thing that disturbed that blissful second in time was the rapid movements of my eyelids as I tried to blink back my tears of happiness; and the twitching of my fingers as I squeezed her hands as they rested on my stomach. As we cruised down the river on the big red boat, surrounded by foreign children, I tried to savour a moment that I realised had been transformational, for both of us.

Soul mate…_soul mate_. Sometimes she was terrible with her words, sometimes she suffered from a real case of "foot-in-mouth" disease. Other times she could sum up entire worlds with one word, or in this case two.

Two words that now effectively summed up exactly how I felt too. We were beyond best mates, beyond everything that was merely mortal; we had transcended that.

With those two words I realised that we danced on a knife edge, balanced between mortal love and eternal destruction. There was no room for error, no room for a missed step. If one of us fell we would take the other down with them; and whilst it was a dangerous and daring dance, it was one that continued to thrill and excite and satisfy.

I love the dance we do. Long may it continue.

Eventually she broke the silence, kissing me on the top of my head.

"Love you Emily."

"I know."

It was a magical moment for me; as the sun shone down, blessing our relationship, she finally, finally gave me one more layer of herself to fold up carefully and place with the others.

She'd told me that I'd smashed down her walls and broken down her barriers; but it wasn't true. She might have seen it like that from inside that emotionless castle of hers, but it wasn't how I saw it. I saw it as a surgical operation, carefully peeling back every layer, every front. Slowly and carefully I'd waited with my scalpel until she was ready and then I'd nick the barrier and watch it peel away.

I'd kept every one though, I knew each and every barrier that I had removed and why she used them. One day I knew she might want them back, one day something would happen to her that meant she would need one or more of them again; and there I would be, holding them out for her to wrap us up in, making sure she was ok. I was her dragon, her protector and now I was her soul mate. You know, I thought I was happy before...it's nothing on now.

We don't say anything more as we cruise along the Thames, well she doesn't, I spoil the silence with one last phrase, one short sentence that has to be said, because in truth I don't say it to her enough, never have.

"I love you too Nai, I love you so much it hurts."

Her embrace says it all, and we sail through the sunshine content.

o+o+o

"Nai, where the fuck are we now?"

I haven't got a clue where she's taking me, since we got off the boat at Westminster Pier we've been on a tube, again, and then walked away from the hustle and bustle of what she said was Oxford Street and up a back road to an old fashioned pub in a quiet corner of a street.

"Ems," she said as we entered pressing a tenner into my hand, "get the drinks in and I'll find us a quiet table. I'll explain in a minute."

It was weird; it was almost like she wanted to hide away. I caught her looking at the girl at the bar and then looking away quickly and heading for a corner out of sight.

'_Stop it Emily, don't get all antsy, there's a reasonable explanation. Get the drinks and let's see what she says.'_

My new trust for her won over and I walked up to the girl at the bar and ordered her a glass of wine and my usual V&T.

"She's not doing the optics this time then?"

"What?" I asked the barmaid.

"Your girlfriend, she's not planning to do the optics this time."

I'm totally confused, I've no idea who this girl is or how the fuck she knows Naomi and I guess it shows.

"The blonde you came in with, she's your girlfriend isn't she? She was in a couple of weeks ago. She's, um, kind of hard to forget. She sat there and drank her way along the optics, one by one; then she got into a fight and got thrown out."

"Er..."

"It's ok, I won't say anything, if you ask me _she_ deserved everything she got. I'd suggest you sit outside or at least don't let them near each other again."

She'd nodded to a girl sat at a small table in the far corner of the bar, a lone drink in front of her. She was casually eyeing me up. She was pretty enough, but the crack across her nose and the fading black eyes that she'd tried to hide under her makeup didn't really do her any favours, even in this dim light.

She looked hungrily at me though, she gave me a look I've seen on the face of another blonde that's not too far away. She wanted me, wanted me to come over and say hello.

She had no chance, not when I've got my own blonde stunner waiting for me by the door. A stunner that apparently likes fighting; which is news to me. I thought she only ever fought with my sister.

"Um, thanks." I said collecting my change and walking back to my girl.

"Fucks sake Naomi," I hissed at her as I sat at the table in the far corner of the bar, "would you care to explain why there's a girl over there with a bust face and a barmaid that remembers you doing it?"

"Ems..."

"...and why the fuck were you trying to drink your way along the bar?"

"Ems I can..."

"...Naomi we could get thrown out of here any second, why did you bring me?"

"Because it was important Ems, because this is where it happened ok. Will you shush and let me tell you before we do get thrown out...and what do you mean there's a girl over there with a bust face?"

I nodded down the bar to the blonde who was sat in the far corner.

"Shit, she's here _again?_"

I nodded, a little pissed off, a little curious, "Your _friend_ at the bar suggested that we sit outside, or at least I don't let you near her again."

"Good idea, I could do with a fag anyway, come on hun. I'll explain everything outside."

We stepped out and sat on one of the picnic benches that were arranged haphazardly under an awning from the side of the pub. Well I sat at the bench; Naomi just paced around one hand on her drink, one hand on her cheap lighter trying to light the cigarette she held between her lips.

_Click_

_Click_

_Click_

"Fucking thing."

She threw the disposable lighter into the ashtray and dug in her pocket for her packet. For a second I was confused but then she opened it and tried to force the white stick back inside the box and I realised what she was doing.

"Nai...here."

I dug around in my bag, suddenly remembering something. She looked at me as I reached out my hand and placed her lighter onto the table; standing it up in the same manner that she had left it in the cemetery. She looked at it, before picking it up and spinning it over in her hand, looking at the images I'd had laser engraved onto it. It was one of my best e-bay purchases and I knew she'd treasured it. I knew it must have been bad when she put it on the ground at Freddie's funeral and left it behind; knew exactly what she had intended it to mean.

"Ems I..." I shook my head smiling at her look, she actually had tears in her eyes and I knew I'd done the right thing. I patted the bench next to me and waited for her to sit down. She did, but not as I expected, she hopped onto the table top and put her feet onto the seat; her shoes tapping on the wood next to me. I cupped her calf in my hand and ran it up and down, stroking her smooth skin, waiting for her to speak.

"You found it."

"You left it."

She nodded, looking down at the lighter flipping it over and over. One side was a picture of me smiling that she'd taken just after the Love Ball; the other was one of me blowing a kiss she'd taken a little bit later. I'd sent them away and had then engraved along with the three words I wanted her to understand.

"You understood then."

"I did babe, you made your point."

"But you kept it."

I sighed and nodded. "I couldn't accept goodbye Nai, not after what we'd been through. I didn't understand why you left and came here. Why you phoned me and then why you never spoke to me. Why you told mum not to tell me you were home. I just couldn't accept that, so I kept it and waited until it was right to return it. I just felt it was the right time now."

She stared down at the lighter, before digging out her cigarette again and lighting it.

"This is where it happened you know," she started, blowing out the smoke as she sighed. "Well this is where it started anyway. That girl in there, I really should go in and buy her a drink because if it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't have gone back. I probably wouldn't have called."

I felt my slight irritation at what I'd been told ebb away as interest took over. Everything up to now had obviously been preamble, now we were getting to the important parts of her journey; the ones I really wanted to know about. The walk had been her attempt to find herself. Now I was about to find out who she had discovered.

"I found myself here after the boat trip," she continued, taking another drag on her cigarette. "I walked though, just wandered around until I found a cash point for some money and then I went looking for somewhere that looked nice and cheap to eat. I passed this place and just walked in. I had some food and a couple of glasses of wine and just sat here and thought about how shitty my life had turned.

See I thought it had all gone right again, I was on a high after we got back together, when I thought…well, when I thought that I was wrong I hit a low. Then we fought and I got even lower. I sat at a table in the back of the pub and decided I wanted to drink myself stupid. Thought if I drank enough it would all go away again. I know I promised I wouldn't, but that promise didn't seem that important right then...

...anyway, whilst I was drinking that girl came on to me, tried to chat me up. When I told her I wasn't interested she told me I should stay in my closet."

Nai took a sip of her wine and pulled her wallet out of her bag, the one she kept her cards in and opened it and passed it across to me. My eyes rested on a slightly creased photograph taken at the lake. I remembered her taking this, hadn't known she'd ever printed it out. It was on our second visit there, we'd took a simple picnic and made a day of it. She'd taken this picture using her phone, her arm stretched out in front of us.

It had taken five attempts until she'd got one we were happy with.

I looked at the girls in the picture and thought how different we were to them, how much had changed between then and now, how much better we were now with everything behind us.

"So I showed her that and told her, basically, to fuck off," she continued, "that's when she hit me. Grabbed me and slapped me."

"So you hit her back?"

"Nope, she'd called you a 'red headed whore' and when she went to hit me again I head butted her like Cook showed me to."

I'm shocked, literally shocked, like jaw on the floor, mouth open, catching flies shocked.

"Why…why did you do that?" I eventually managed to stammer out.

She looked at me confused, "She called you a whore Ems, no-one insults you, not in my earshot anyway."

She sniffed and took another sip of her drink. I waited doing the same.

"Anyway, I guess I was defending myself. She was going to hit me again, and I _was_ pretty pissed at that point. But it was where it started, where I began to realise how much I cared for you. I couldn't stop caring, couldn't stop defending you."

I'm fucking furious. Not at her, at the blonde bitch with the broken nose that's sat at a table inside the bar. Mind made up I down the rest of my drink and walk inside; Naomi following me.

"Emily what are you doing…"

I ignored her, walking up to the bar and waving over the barmaid.

"The fight, did _she_ start it?" She nodded. "Did she call me a whore?"

She shrugged, "I don't know. I can't remember that much apart from your girlfriend butting her."

"Did she hit her first?"

She nodded again. "Right, thanks for clearing that up. A pint of Guinness and black and a white wine then please."

I turned and smiled at Naomi who was looking at me sadly.

"It's not that I don't trust you babe, I just needed to check first."

"First?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said paying for the drinks, "before I did this."

I walked over to the blonde who looked up at me as I stood in front of her, putting my drinks down on the table. I didn't really like the way she eyed me up, her eyes staring at my tits, before finally settling on my face.

"Hey gorgeous, take a seat."

I threw the glass of wine into her smug face. "That's for hitting my girlfriend you fucking slag." I snapped at her as she looked at me with confusion on her face.

"Ems!" Naomi called from behind me, the blonde looked past me and her eyes bulged as she saw Nai.

"YOU!"

I picked up the Guinness and poured it over her head, the thick black liquid slipping over her hair, plastering it to her head and pouring down to stain her jacket and blouse with the black and tinged red liquor.

"and that's for calling me a whore you bitch. Be thankful I don't break your fucking nose…again."

I'm quickly dragged away by Naomi who's steering me towards the door before I can do anything else.

"Sorry about the mess," I shout to the girl behind the bar as we pass. She simply smiled in reply and nodded. Ignoring the spluttering protests from behind us in the bar we run, hand in hand, giggling away.

"Fucking hell Ems, don't fucking do that to me again please," she said when we finally stopped and tried to get our breath back. "My heart nearly fucking stopped when you did that."

I giggled at her.

"That was really stupid Ems, you know? She might have hurt you."

I shook my head; she grabbed me and hugged me as if she wanted to squeeze the life out of me.

"I love the sentiment Ems, but please, don't fucking scare me like that again."

I chuckled at that and pushed her away, doubling over to try and breathe again. As I stand up I spot her glaring at me with such a look that I can't help but laugh again.

Eventually bringing myself under control I looked over at her and smiled.

"That felt fucking great."

"Glad you enjoyed it," she replied finally giggling along with me. "I think we've got no chance of getting lunch there though, have we? Guess we've knackered that part of my trip."

She's right, and at the thought of lunch my stomach manages to remind me again that I'm hungry. I glanced at my watch and realised it's mid afternoon; even with the late breakfast, the crisps and that ice-cream I'm ready for a sandwich or something.

"Nai, can we go and get something to eat somewhere else then? I'm fucking starving."

She smiled and grabbed my hand again. "Come on then babe, I know the perfect place, and it's on our way."

"On our way to where?" I asked.

"Wait and see," she replied dragging me onwards again.

o+o+o

One shortish walk later we're heading down Haymarket, past the theatres and towards Trafalgar Square. I can see Nelson's Column towering over the buildings as we walk. Surprisingly she led me away from the square before I stopped her on the corner of the street, pulling her back with a jerk of the arm.

"What's up hun?

"Can we go feed the pigeons?"

She looked at me pityingly. "They don't let you do that anymore Ems, they call them vermin now. Anyway, I thought you were hungry."

I am hungry, but I also want to be a bit of tourist, I want to see a few of the sights as well as re-live her journey. She must have seen my look because she starts walking in the other direction pulling me behind her again.

"Come on then Mary Poppins, let's go see the pigeons." She stopped for a second outside a restaurant on the corner of the block and turned excitedly.

"Ems look…"

I looked at the building but didn't see anything but a blue plaque about rugby and something about the White Star Line.

"Tex-Mex Ems," she continued oblivious to my ignorance. "Mexican food, we should _so_ go there for dinner."

I'm not sure, the last time we made a big fuss over Mexican food things didn't go so well afterwards. But she sounds so excited, I can hear it in her voice and I can't deny her.

"Should we go book a table then, is it expensive?"

"Fuck expensive, this is my treat. I want to drink tequila and eat fajitas."

She dragged me into the place and we made reservations for 7:30, I guess being busy is a good sign and it does look and smell good. I find myself being dragged along with her enthusiasm, again; at least this time there'll be no stupid moustaches.

Dinner sorted, she leads me into the square and we walk around the plinths, dodging the tourists and the few pigeons that still remain. As I sat on the edge of a fountain I dug in my purse and threw a coin into the blue water, watching it sink to the bottom to join the rest.

"You sad loser," she told me nudging me with her shoulder. "Waste of money that is."

"It's lucky!" I protested. "Besides, I made my wish. Now I have to wait until it comes true."

She pursed her lip at me and smirked. "Right then, if you're happy we've done the tourist thing shall we go and get lunch?"

Naomi stood in front of me and held out her hands to pull me up. "See, it wasn't a waste of money, I am getting my wish."

"What, lunch?"

"Definitely!"

o+o+o

We had a surprisingly good lunch at a Weatherspoons pub around the corner on Whitehall. It was a proper old fashioned looking pub, with vaulted ceilings and wood panels in the toilets. It was fun and cheap and most of all Naomi hadn't been thrown out of it recently.

That's got to be a bonus.

As I polished off the remainder of the sandwich plate we'd decided to share I was feeling happy, full and slightly buzzed. We'd had a couple more drinks and when you add them to the others I'd drunk, I was feeling nicely merry.

"So where are we going now babe?" I asked wondering how the day could get any better.

"One more stop hun, then the rest of the day is ours."

I looked at her quizzically; I didn't get what she was trying to say.

"You wanted the trip I made hun, there's only one more place that I have to take you to, well perhaps two. Then I'm going to take you to a few of _my_ favourite places."

"What other than Westminster?"

"Sort of."

She's doing this deliberately I know, trying to draw me into her little mystery, well I'm not buying in. I'm going to let her lead this from now on, this is her story. We've come so far with so much gained no sense in ruining it.

"You want another drink Ems?"

I don't, because I don't want to get drunk…well not right now anyway. Perhaps later if things go well, so I simply shake my head at her.

"Right no food left and no drink left hun, want to press on?"

I winked at her and we stood up. "Nice pub, have to remember this one," she said.

"Why?"

"Because in a year hun, we're going to be living and studying around here. Might be nice to come back for a drink or two."

She looked around and nodded sagely before leading me out of the bar and out onto the street.

"Right Ems, you wanted the rest of my journey, well the next part started right over there."

She pointed across the road to a newsagents come off-licence, the sort of place that springs up in city centres servicing the people that live and work there.

"I got myself a cheap bottle of vodka there and headed back down to the river, you know, after I got into that fight."

"Just how drunk were you by then babe?"

"Pretty drunk, but not really drunk enough. Why?"

"Because when you rang me babe you sounded drunk."

"Jesus Ems, I only said three words, how could you tell."

I just fixed her with a knowing stare; after all I have sat around the house for the last few months watching her drink herself senseless.

"Yeah well," she said quickly at my look, "I got more drunk as I headed down to the river, that's where I had my revelation."

She led me down main streets and side streets, winding back and forth; showing me her meandering path to her destination. We walked for what felt like ages, hand in hand until we came out into an open space with the river in front of us. She led me down the concrete path, confidently turned right and led me along the river walk, past London's famous obelisk, to a bench. She looked around for a second, then grabbed my hand and led me to the next bench along.

"This is it Ems, this is where it happened."

She sat down on the worn wood and gestured for me to sit next to her. I slipped my arm around her waist as I did so and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder. For a minute or two we simply sit and look out at the Thames. Her thinking, me waiting; eventually she let go of me, sat up on the bench and dug around in her jacket. Finding what she wanted she sat back, opened her wallet and looked at her picture of us again.

"I came here to find myself. I was looking for a reason to go on after our fight, I never found it. All I found has her," she gestured at the picture and then ran her finger over her own images cheek.

"She looks so fucking happy doesn't she, that's what I thought anyway. I came here to find the real me, the one I thought I'd lost. The sarcastic bitch that could survive alone, without you... fuck me if I didn't find that the real me, the one I _wanted_ to be, was the one that was with you. The one that smiled like that, the one that had all their dreams satisfied in one red-haired bundle…the one that looked that happy."

She smiled ruefully, "So it was here I decided that I had to tell you, had to speak to you…so I went to the station and called you. But I couldn't do it, couldn't get my words out as soon as I heard your voice. All I could say was 'I miss you' and then I hung up and cried."

I wrapped my arms around her, for a moment I hate myself, hate the fact that I'd caused her so much pain, but I push it aside. There's been too much hate, too much pain. We've hated both each other and ourselves in this last year and there's really no time for it anymore. Even if we have the rest of our lives together there's no time for us to hate, we've got too much to share.

"Nai," I started to speak, holding her tight, "I'm sorry that I put you through all this." I felt her stiffen in my arms before pulling away from my embrace. Her blue eyes trimmed with unshed tears

"It's ok Ems, it was worth it. It was, is...cathartic. I came here to find myself and I did. I just lost sight of that on the way to that fucking rooftop. Just when I thought I'd come to terms with accepting everything and trusting you I saw Katie and Effy and..."

"Thought Katie was me."

I gave her a playful slap on the head, careful of her still healing cut.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"For thinking Katie was me, for not being able to recognise your own girlfriend. I should hit you harder but your head's still injured. But it might knock some sense into you."

"Hey," she said defensively, "I had reasons, and it was early and I was pissed. I had drunk a bottle of vodka by then, as well as everything else I drank that day."

"Yeah, but you're still a twat."

"Takes one to know one."

"Exactly!"

o+o+o

"It's beautiful here, I love it."

"I thought you might."

We've walked away from the bench, away from her journey, passing the station where she called me along the way. She's dragged me past the Houses of Parliament, past the green, the site of her first protest apparently, and across the road into St James' Park

It is quite beautiful here, it seems like we're a million miles away from the hustle and bustle of the city. It's like a small green oasis in the centre of it all. Naomi's pulled me by the hand into the greenery and there we've paused, taking a second to relax as the sounds of nature wash over us.

"I used to come here a lot as well," she'd said apropos of nothing. "When mum was picketing Parliament Square I sometimes came here to play, or just to relax. I like it here, always did. Used to walk around the lake in a big figure-eight just to take it all in."

"There's a lake here," I'd asked, slightly excited at the thought of a lake in a park this close to the centre of London."

"Yeah, it's over there, behind those bushes. Want to see it?"

I nodded and she led me down the path and around the clump of bushes and trees to the lake.

It's not like our lake, but then nothing will _ever_ be like our lake. But it is wonderful. It's thicker at this end than at the other, but there's a kind of an island down here where I can see ducks and swans and...

"Are those pelicans?" I asked her staring at the large white birds, their giant bills giving it away. "I heard one of the pelicans in London ate a pigeon once. Was that here?"

"Guess so," she shrugged, "never really paid the wildlife much attention to be honest. I just liked walking here. It's peaceful you know?"

I nodded back and followed her as she walked up the path. For once I didn't run to catch her up; I just followed behind her simply watching her as she walked. It's funny but almost every day now I discover something new about my Naomi, now she's lowered her defences a little.

Here I discover just how much she loves London and how she has her own spaces that make her happy. I can almost see the lift in her step as she walks along her familiar route and I'm loath to spoil it for her, scared to ruin what is obviously a special place. All good things come to an end though, as she turns on her toes like a dancer and holds out her arms to me.

"Come on Fitch, keep up. I haven't tired you out yet have I? There's so much more to see."

Casually I walk up to her and wrap an arm around her waist wishing, not for the first time, that I was a bit taller so I could be the one draping an arm around her shoulders, the way she does to me.

She led me around the path and over to a narrow bridge. As we walked on she turned me to look back towards the island, the pelicans and in the distance the Clock Tower that contained the famous Great Bell, _Big Ben_ chimed the quarter hour.

"Ready for a great view?" She asked slipping up behind me and putting her head onto my shoulder.

"Naomi, I don't think you're allowed to go topless in a public park."

I get a nudge in the back and a bite on the neck for that. It's well worth it because I know she's smiling as well. Putting her hands over my eyes she turns us around and walks me across to the other side of the bridge. She held me there for a second, my eyes still covered, before shuffling across until, presumably satisfied, she releases her hands.

There, framed by trees is Buckingham Palace it's dirty white stonework glowing in the afternoon sun. She's right, it's a great view.

"Thought you called them 'Elitist Bastards'?"

"I did, they are. Doesn't stop that being a great view though, thought you'd like it; you know, being all touristy today. You've got to see all the great tourist attractions at their best now."

I stand on the bridge, taking photos and enjoying the view, when I hear music start from my right. Not the blaring sounds of someone with a too-loud radio, but something more tuneful and fitting for the environment. Drawn by the sound I wander, Naomi in tow, across the bridge and follow the path to an open area that contains, of all things, a bandstand.

I mean I've seen bandstands in parks, but this is the first time I've ever seen one in action. There's a small orchestra up there playing, well I have no idea what, but they're playing beautifully; strings and horns working together to fill this corner of the park with sound. It's spellbinding that in this little corner of busy London there is an area of calm and tranquillity.

I lean against a convenient tree and stand and soak it all up. It's nice to just stand in the shade and relax. We've been on the go since early this morning and despite a couple of occasions where we've sat down, we've not really stopped. Naomi's been taking me through her time in the city and it's only now, as I finally tune everything out but the music, I realise how tired I am. Tucking my jacket under me I sit in the shade of the tree, my back to its trunk and close my eyes.

There's a buzzing from my bag and I grab my phone to reveal a text from Naomi.

'_U lk cute, coffee r coke?'_

I glance around quickly, my heart starts beating a little bit quicker as I realise the though she can see me, I can't see her. She's wandered off and left me sitting here.

'_behind you silly, nw coffee r coke?'_

I glance around the back of the tree I'm sitting on and there she is, in front of a catering hut, arms folded, phone in hand legs slightly crossed with her amused look on her face as she watches me. I breathe a bit easier and send back my order.

'_coffee pls, white, no sugar.'_

'_I know /-:'_

I can't help but snigger at that, and dropping my phone in my bag I go back to relaxing and listening to the music.

o+o+o

After spending a pleasant time sitting and listening to the orchestra, followed by a lovely romantic walk around the lake and back again we eventually walk arm in arm down the red surface of the Mall towards Admiralty Arch and food.

"That was fun babe, thanks for taking me."

"Lot more we can do yet Ems, let's get some food down us, and see where the night takes us yeah?"

It really does sound like a plan, and I tell her as much as we head back to Trafalgar Square and the little restaurant with the funny name.

"Wonder why it's called that?" I said thinking out loud

"What's called what?"

"The restaurant, it's a strange name." It was as well, the Texas Embassy Cantina, not the normal kind of name for a restaurant...even a tex-mex one, especially in London.

"Dunno babe, perhaps they'll have something to tell you when you get in." She shrugged back, "I think we're going to be early for our reservation though."

We were as well, but we were ushered into their tiny bar area for drinks; my stomach protesting as my nose is assailed by the wonderful smell of cooking food. I pushed Naomi away from the bar with a short cry of "my round" and caught the eye of the bartender. He smiled back at me with a cheeky look that reminded me of Cook and came over.

"Hi there, what can I get for you this evening?"

"Dunno, what's good?"

He smiled back once more, his eyes glinting. "Everything we make is good, but for you I think a frozen strawberry Margarita, red to match your hair."

"and for my girlfriend," I nodded at Naomi who was reading the menu behind me.

For her, the same; or if you want something different I'd suggest the classic Embassy Margarita, frozen of course."

I ordered the two strawberry drinks and watched with interest as he pulled two tankards out of a chiller and walked over to a slushie machine that was filled with green ice. A dash of liquor into the glasses and a pull on the machine and I'm presented with two tankards of blood red ice, which he then finished with a straw. I handed over the cash for the drinks and turned to Naomi.

"What's this?"

"Strawberry slushy babe. Barman tells me it's good."

We both took a sip through the straw and as one we both raise our eyebrows at the powerful drink.

"Jesus, that _is_ good." It's all I can do to nod.

Finally we're called and shown to our table, as we sit with our drinks and look at the menu our waitress arrives bringing a bowl of tortilla chips and some salsa.

"Hi, welcome to the Cantina, I'm Emma and I'll be looking after you this evening. Have you been here before?"

We both shook our heads.

"Well these are on the house," she said gesturing at the chips. "If I were you ladies if you want a starter I'd share one because we don't do small portions here; and if you'd like a dessert I'd skip the starter as well." She smiled at us conspiratorially as if she wasn't supposed to say that. "Can I get you guys some more drinks?"

We ordered another round of strawberry margaritas and as soon as her back was turned I dived into the chips, ladling salsa onto one and stuffing it into my mouth. Naomi regarded me with her usual amused grin.

"Jeez Ems, hungry much?"

"Starving," I replied grabbing another chip playfully knocking her hand out of the way as I did so, "These are freshly made though, really good."

She sighed at me and reached out for a chip, this time I graciously let her have one, though I glared at her as she raised it to her mouth and ate it.

"You're stealing my chips Campbell; Emma _obviously_ put them here for me."

"Well if you eat them all and can't manage dessert hun, that's too bad for you isn't it."

She's joking but she also has a point, time to examine the menu and get the food ordered.

One starter for her that I can't help but try; two main courses and another couple of rounds of margaritas later, I'm slightly drunk, feeling very full and staring at the slice of pecan pie in front of me in horror.

"I shouldn't have eaten all those ribs should I?"

She shrugged, "You looked like you were enjoying them hun."

I had as well, they were fucking delicious, like - lick your fingers clean and look for something to wipe the sauce off the plate with – delicious. But now I'm faced with probably the largest slice of pie I've ever had in a restaurant and I'm not sure I can manage it.

"Share?" I almost pleaded with her; she just laughed in response.

"What is it about sharing desserts with me Ems?"

I think back and remember the happy time at the Lebanese Gina and Kieran took us to; her feeding me Baklava, not only in the restaurant but at home, in bed, much later. Predictably she winks and I blush as red as the drink I'm now trying to hide behind.

We do share the dessert, though I'm fairly sure she ate far less of it than I did and the only shock of the evening is that our drinks bill eclipses our food bill. As we stand up to leave, after leaving the lovely and attentive Emma a nice tip I realise just why our drinks bill was so high. Not only does each tankard cost over a fiver, but they contain a huge amount of booze and we've obviously drunk quite a few.

I'm not just happily pissed, I'm close to being totally trashed.

Curse you cantina and your excessively alcoholic drinks.

As we venture out into the late evening, the sun is setting over our London experience and night is fast approaching. Naomi led me down to the Thames again and with our fingers linked together, we walk along the lit riverbank back towards Westminster.

"How you feeling Ems, you ok?"

I guess I'm looking a bit green around the gills, I'm kind of feeling it as well. I think I might just have eaten a little bit too much. As we cross Westminster Bridge for the third time today and head upriver on the South Bank I'm feeling decidedly unwell.

"Naoms, can we stop for a minute?" I said as we walked, "I'm not feeling very good."

"You need to be sick hun?"

There's no accusation and no amusement in her voice, she actually sounds concerned. _'Jesus do I look that bad?'_

"Nope, don't panic babe; I just need to sit down for a bit, feeling a little...full."

This time she did laugh but also led me over to a raised bench overlooking the river. She sat me down and checked me over before sitting next to me. I relaxed as my stomach stopped dancing the Macarena and began to settle down.

It helps that I have a gorgeous blonde to cuddle into, trust me on this.

She's not paying me a massive amount of attention at the moment however. She does keep checking I'm ok but then she drifts off. At first I think she's giving me room to settle down, not wanting me to be sick. Eventually I realise that she's looking over the river at the Houses of Parliament, bathed in orange as the sun sets behind them.

"What you thinking about babe?" I asked her as I put my head on her shoulder and hugged her arm tightly.

"Nothing much Ems, just how much I love this spot." She pointed with her left hand across at the seat of our Government across the river.

"I think I could do so much good over there, don't know how. But I've always wanted to get involved in something, politics, lobbying, protesting anything really. But I know if I want to make a difference, if I want to do some good, I'm going to have to go there."

You'll do it Naomi, I know you will," I state confidently and I know it's true. She's got passion my girl, she's got the one thing that sets her apart from the other idiots that play at 'doing good'; she really wants to do it. The only thing that's ever held her back, I know, was me; and I'm not going to hold her back anymore. I'm going to push her and applaud her and encourage her to be whatever she wants to be, because that's what she needs; someone to tell her to 'go for it'.

"Really? You think I'll be able to do it one day?"

"I told you before babe, I think you can do anything...and if you ever doubt it, I'll be there to point that out to you."

She sat silently for a while, looking out at the building before I noticed a silent tear roll down her cheek. I sat up quickly all thoughts of my grumbling stomach forgotten.

"Hey hey, what's this babe?" I asked rubbing the tear from her cheek. "Did I upset you or something?"

"Nope, just being a twat, that's all," she replied the tears still falling.

"I was just thinking back to all the things I did to push us apart. You know, when I was scared? I was terrified that being with you would stop me succeeding, stop me getting there and doing something for the world. Now here you are telling me you'd push me all the way. I nearly fucked everything up over absolutely nothing and what's more I know that I could bring about world fucking peace and put an end to torture and poverty and it wouldn't mean shit without you by my side."

She turned back to me, her wet cheeks glistening in the lights that were strung along the Embankment.

"I'd work in a fucking McDonalds on minimum wage for the rest of my life as long as you were with me Ems, I'd do the shittiest jobs just as long as I knew I could come home and find you there."

"You won't need to Naoms," I sniffed, my eyes flooding with tears as well, "we both know it. You're destined for greater things than flipping burgers babe. You're going to make a difference. Every one we know knows it as well."

Our eyes met once again and on that lonely bench next to Lambeth Pier we had another epiphany, together, as one. In that one beautiful moment as we were bathed in the dying embers of that perfect day's sun we know that we'll be together forever.

We've dealt with far more in the last two years than most couples do in a lifetime and it's brought us together. I once thought that our trip around the world would forge us into an inseparable couple but I was wrong, we were already there, we just didn't realise it.

Here, now, on this dirty riverbank, in this noisy smelly city we've found each other, and as our lips and tongues meet once more with passion, I know I'm right.

This is forever, because we _both_ want it to be.

o+o+o

We spend far too much time on that bench, just sitting, and talking and kissing. Our hands are wandering, but there's nothing sexual about the touches we lay upon each other. Intimate they are, but they aren't done for any other reason than to touch and be touched, especially as we kiss. It's nothing more than a desire to _feel_ as our passion engulfs us, or to reassure as we relax and just embrace and talk.

As Big Ben strikes ten I realise with a shudder that we've been sat here for well over an hour and I'm starting to get chilly in the river breeze. As I struggle with my jacket Nai stands up and helps me with the sleeves.

"Cold hun?"

I nodded, "You aren't?"

"Not noticed until now Ems, guess you were my blanket, keeping me warm." She smiled at me and held out her hand.

"So Ems, pub or club?"

To be absolutely honest I don't want either. Perhaps I sound like an old fart, but all I want to do right at this moment is head home and take her to bed. I'm done with London for now, I've had a great time; no, I've had a far better than great time but I'm ready to get on that coach and head back to Bristol.

"Nai?" I started before she cut me off again.

"Home then yeah?"

"You've been hanging around with Effy Stonem too much Naoms," I reply to her smiling question. "How the fuck did you know?"

She pulled me into a hug one more, our chests pressed together, her smirking face looking down at mine.

"I can just tell lover, you want to take me home and ravish me. I can see it in your eyes."

She winked at me then kissed my nose and I did my slappy hands beat-down on her for her cheek.

"Actually Naoms, I want to take you home and go to bed babe; it's been a long day. We've done a lot of walking and I'm drunk and I'm tired. Do you mind?"

Bless her she shook her head, "I don't mind hun, I came here for you, I think we've done everything we need to do here. Until we come back this time next year that is. Are you up to walking to the station? We can get a tube from Vauxhall to Victoria. But we have to walk down that-away; or we can shout a cab if you want?"

She pointed along the embankment where we had driven on that yellow duck transport earlier today and what felt like a lifetime ago. I don't mind the walk, but the idea of a cab sounds even better, no matter how much it costs.

"Will we be able to get a cab? At this time of night?"

"Not a problem, I'll go shout us one, wait here."

She dashed across the grass to the road behind us and waited on the corner for a second. I sat gratefully back down on the bench and after only a couple of minutes I heard her shout me.

"Ems, got one...come on babe."

I walked across to where she was waiting, her hand on the door of a maroon hackney cab. As I approached she gallantly swept it open for me.

"Madame, your carriage awaits." She said as she helped me into the back. "Victoria coach station mate," she shouted at the driver; and seconds later, we were on our way.

o+o+o

Traffic is light at this time of night, even in London and our coach pulls out of the depot on time on the three hour journey back to Bristol. Naoms has been texting Effy who's agreed to pick us up from the bus station, even though it'll be the early hours of the morning before we get home. I know she's up to something because she's been texting back and forth for the last ten minutes but whatever it is she's up to I don't care. I trust her, she'll tell me when she's ready. Eventually she puts her phone away and settles back into her seat.

"Sleepy Ems?"

"Well duh," I replied yawning back at her. Before I ask she's wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her. I curl my body around on the all too small seat and burrow my way into her looking for that one position where I know I'll be comfortable; eventually finding it, my feet twisting around underneath me.

"Quite finished?" She asked as I finish my wriggling and close my eyes.

"Uh huh!" I reply, ignoring the hint of amusement in her voice. "'Night babe."

Somehow she managed to crane her neck to kiss my head.

"Goodnight Ems, sleep well."

I'm dimly aware of our journey, surfacing briefly from my sleep on occasions when the coach hits one of Britain's famous potholes as we travel out of London on the A4. I'm aware of her watching over me and stroking my hair or my shoulder or running her thumb across my hand; none of these things are enough to keep me awake though and as soon as we hit the M4 motorway the dull steady rumbling of the wheels send me off once more into the sleep of the dead.

o+o+o

There's a strange feeling of lightness as I feel myself being lifted from my seat. Part of me wants to wake up again, the other part wants to be babied like this, and I wrap my arms around her neck and snuggle in once more. I hear voices as I'm put down once more, familiar voices. Katie and Effy as well as Naomi's.

"Is she ok?"

"Fine, just a bit drunk and a bit tired. She'll be fine."

"Are you sure about this Campbell?"

"Positive. It's the last thing we need to do. She'll understand."

"I don't like this Naomi."

I don't hear the rest, don't really understand what I'm hearing, don't really know if I'm dreaming or not. It's all a bit confusing really. I mean was I dreaming when she kissed me and told me she'd see me in a bit?

I don't know.

"Fucks sake Emily, I'm not Campbell you know." I'm half dragged from my sleep to hear my sister's voice.

"Katie, be nice back there."

"Babe, she's drooling on my skirt, I've only just had it dry cleaned."

I manage to sit up in the car only to blearily register that Naomi's not with us and we're parked somewhere in town. Shaking the sleep from my eyes I look from Katie to Effy my heart racing again.

"Naoms?" I asked looking at them both. Effy blinked at me as if about to speak.

"Where the fuck is Naomi? What the fuck is going on?"

I'm annoyed, confused and snapping at them. I know I shouldn't but this really isn't on.

"Fucks sake Emsy this was Campbell's idea, not ours ok? Don't take it out on us."

More confusion, my head isn't straight yet I know; it's the early hours of the morning, I'm still tired and for some reason they won't tell me why Naomi isn't where she should be.

"Effy, what the fuck is going on?"

Effy flashes Katie a glance that shuts her up before she starts speaking, then she leant round in her seat and looked right at me.

"Naomi said there's one thing left for you guys to do. There's one place left on her journey where she thinks you both need to go. She's gone on ahead; she's waiting for you there."

"I don't understand Eff, we went everywhere in London, where the fuck is left?"

She glanced out of the window, only for a fraction of a second but I caught it, the slight eye movement and the slightly shifty look. I snap my head around to see a building that I'd be happy never to see again. A shitty, grey multi-storey car park attached to a building that contains shops, a restaurant and more importantly a nightclub.

We're back here again.

I take a couple of quick breaths and try to clear my head once more. I'm as wide awake as I've ever been, the sight of that car park wiping the sleep haze from my brain. I opened the car door and stepped out into the cold Bristol morning. As I put my hand onto the doorway to the stairwell I heard Katie's voice call out behind me.

"Emily, wait."

I turned to see her and Effy piling out of the battered BMW and walking towards me.

"No fucking way are you going in that stairwell alone Sis, you know this place is full of fucking weirdo's."

I looked at her in shock, she's scared for _me_, but she let Naomi go up there all on her own? Fucks sake anything could have happened! Panicking slightly I started pulling on the door before Effy calmly pushed past me and twisted the handle properly.

"It's ok Emily, we dropped her off at the front entrance, she'll be fine ok?"

Still not happy I start climbing the stairs until I reach the fourth storey. Two more sets of stairs to go and I'll find out what she's up to on that fucking rooftop, that place that holds so much pain. Two more sets of stairs.

I've got a memory of climbing these very stairs, climbing them with _her_ brother and that box of fucking secrets, the box that tore us apart. I've got another memory of Naomi telling me about climbing these steps to her own rooftop encounter and I can't help but wonder why the fuck she would bring us here again.

Katie and Effy don't follow me up the last set of steps; I didn't want them to anyway. Whatever she's got planned, like our trip to London, is for me and her alone; and not to be shared with anyone else. Least of all those two. Standing in front of that familiar security door I take a deep breath and push through.

It's not well lit, the halogen lamps cast a glow over the roof but it's not bright, not like last time when dawn was breaking, the grey skies shining like hammered steel totally matching my mood at the time. No, this morning it's a mixture of light and shadows cast by the floodlights and a lightening sky. Dawn's not far off, but for now it's still dark; I can see where she is, sat on the parapet looking towards me, bag at her feet hands clenched in her lap. As I walked towards her she stood up to face me

"You came?" she called out, her voice clear against the sounds of the city.

Instinctively I knew why she wanted us to come here, why she needed to ask that question. My anger, my doubts evaporated with those two words and I know exactly what I need to do, what I need to say.

"I'll always come." I replied. Naomi looked down at me, before taking a quick breath, and looking up, her eyes bright.

"I love you Emily, I always have and I always will, remember that."

I have a total flashback at those words, I can't help it. The memories hit me like a club

"_Naomi, one thing before we go. Emily wasn't on the rooftop, it was Katie, so the things you said up there, I think you should tell her…soon…She needs to know, ok?"_

"_What did you say to Effy on the roof hun? Why did she think it was important?"_

"_I think I said _'I love you Emily, I always have and I always will, remember that,'_ something like that anyway,"_

Tears fall down my face as she says it to me, finally says it to my face in the spot where she wanted to say it in the first place. The place where she'd waited for me to come and find her and I'd been too late; too fucking late to save her from herself. The place that I've been wishing for days I could have got to first, to have been able to do what I'm doing right now.

They say you don't get second chances to make things right, well my wonderful Naomi is giving us both that second chance. She was right, it _was_ the last place we needed to go, it's time for both of us to crush the bad memories that were born here and put them to rest. Sniffing away my tears and wiping my eyes with my sleeve. I take a deep breath and tell her what she needs to know.

"I love you Naomi, I always have and I always will, you remember that too."

I held out my arms to her, silently begging her to come back down from the edge, come back down and be with me.

"You'll catch me?" she asked, a slight break in her voice.

"I'll catch you babe. I'll always catch you, even if you pretend that you don't want me to Naomi. I'll always be there to catch you."

And I did. She stepped down from the edge into my waiting arms and we fell into each other both crying, both laughing.

One more nightmare put to rest for both of us, one more dragon put to the sword.

The rooftop misery that had hovered over us was finally ended by arms and mouths, tears and tongues, and most of all love. I fucking love her, and nothing is ever, _ever_ going to change that

.

_._

_._

**A/N **– Jesus, so my careful plan for these two chapters created a monster. Ah well never mind there was a lot to get in and I couldn't split it without ruining my plan...I have to end on Chapter 35 or I'll be writing to chapter 40...I can't end on a non-5 based number, I just can't.

Right I guess we have to get these girls on their way, oh and we've got a party to attend soon, better start planning those outfits just in case...you know Katie won't let you in unless you're dressed smartly

MtfM - Guerrilla Writing for Skins!


	33. Going to Goa?

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent (which I still rue, OK I'll never be JK Rowling, but I'm pretty sure I could do a better job that Dan Brown...)

I certainly have nothing to do with Skins apart from a desire to write about their characters and an appreciation that the owners don't get all legalistic about it!

**Authors Note **– Thanks to those of you that have been asking for 40 chapters...that's just playing on my freakish nature guys, but I appreciate the sentiment. So I get a bit of peace and quiet, (joke) I shall do the classic JamesBond thing –

Naomily Will Return in...

...well you'll have to wait to find out what the sequel's going to be called. But fear not I've got lots more inane scribbling in me yet (-:

Oh yeah, before I forget...TWO!

**Chapter 33 – Going To Goa?**

_Naomi_

"Jesus Campbell, you make me sick."

"What?"

Katie Fitch has burst into the room and is eyeing me with something akin to distain.

"Do you _have_ to sit there looking so disgustingly loved up?"

"Fuck off Katiekins, you're just jealous."

Ok so she caught me sitting staring at the photograph that Emily and I had taken and printed, again. It's not a terribly expensive professional photo; you know the type all fancy lighting and soft edges. It's just one we had done at a small studio in town. But we'd got dolled up, spent a bit of time on makeup and sat in front of their plain white screen and had it done. It's the first time I've sat for a photo since I was at school and I looked shit in all of those. Still this time we actually looked pretty good, well I looked all right; Ems, as usual, looked stunning, definitely bringing up the average.

I think Emily's given copies to just about everyone she knows, well except for her mother anyway. Even _Katie_ got a framed copy so that she had "something to remember us by" when we're travelling. I know Katie's looking forward to forgetting all about me when we're off around the world, that's what she told me anyway.

I did see her surreptitiously slip the photo into her bag when she thought no-one was looking though. I stored that bit of information away for a rainy day.

I'd love to be able to mind that she's gone a bit photo mad since our trip to London, since we played out all the horrors of the last couple of weeks and placed them onto a box and nailed it shut. I've done my best to scowl and look at her as if she's daft whenever she dragged out a copy to hand to someone we know, but I can't really put my heart into it. It's our first, properly taken, picture together and I love it.

It's not my favourite picture though, that remains the one I have on my phone and in my card wallet. The one I've now saved to my computer and had printed again. I've got both pictures in a frame next to the bed. The old and the new; a reminder for the future that I can be, and always will be, happy with her.

"What's Katie jealous of Naomi?"

Effy glides into the room with her usual effortless grace, before thumping down onto the sofa next to me with all the finesse of a stoned elephant.

"She's jealous because she's not the gorgeous twin and I've got the photographic proof of it."

Effy looked at me, then stared at Katie. I smiled evilly as Katie shifted self-consciously under her girlfriends gaze before Effy leaned over to me and whispered conspiratorially.

"Think you're wrong Naomi."

"Think what you like Eff, I know _I'm_ right."

Katie stood and glared at the two us as we shared a knowing look on the sofa, each silently telling the other that they're wrong before I'm forced to burst into laughter at the look on Katie's face

"Oh fuck you Campbell, there's no talking to you sometimes." She said storming out.

She's probably right, not when it comes to comparisons between her and Emily; because as far as I am concerned there isn't one. It's not even close; Emily's better looking, has a much better arse, has a much sweeter personality... she's just, well, better everything really.

"Have you been staring at that photograph again?" Effy asks with a slight smirk on her lips.

"You soppy bitch." She replied to my, slightly shamefaced, nod; before smiling and even laughing at me.

It's strange really, strange to me anyway. Effy was up until recently this closed, secretive, mysterious girl that only seemed to open up to Panda and Freddie. She was the girl that cut through my bullshit with Emily with nothing but three words and a pair of raised eyebrows. The girl that just seems to know fucking _everything_ about you.

She's so different now, not openly of course, she's still got that aura around her when we're in public, but when she's with Katie or her guard is down she laughs and smiles like any normal person. I guess that's what being in love with someone does to her; brings her out of that Emo shell.

I think it's strange how much her behaviour has changed; Emily assures me it's not. She keeps insisting it is like looking at me.

I'm not sure about that. I don't think I've changed at all, sometimes I don't think I've changed enough.

"Naoms!"

The darling, beautiful, light of my life calls my name from the back garden where she's being all domestic and hanging out the washing that she made me run overnight.

"What the _fuck_ have you done to Katie now?"

Guess I'm in trouble again.

I ignore Effy's comments about being under the thumb, mainly because they're true, and wander into the kitchen to defend myself against whatever vicious allegation Katie has made. I can see Ems in the garden through the open doorway. Even pegging out clothes on our hastily erected washing line she's so fucking perfect she fair stops my heart and I can't help but stare at her.

Some weird kind of sixth sense must have alerted her to my presence, that or she really does have eyes in the back of her head, because she turned and smiled at me practically the second I stepped onto our little patio.

"What did you say to Katie babe?" she asked taking a clothes peg from out of her mouth and clipping it to the corner of my favourite towel.

"Didn't say a thing hun, not really."

Her eyes bored into me, and without her saying a single word I found myself starting to babble.

"I didn't actually say anything to her...well she started it…then Effy joined in."

She just stared at me and bit her cheek, a strange mixture of amusement and frustration showing on her face.

"I am happy you and Effy are getting along so well babe, but do you both have to tease Katie so much. She's not used to it you know?"

"I…but…I didn't..."

Emily walked across the garden as I vainly attempted to splutter my innocence and silenced me by putting her finger on my lip.

"She's going through a lot babe, she seems happy. I think she _is_ happy; but she's still pretty confused. She's got all this with Effy, and mum to deal with, plus she's not happy about me leaving her for a year. She doesn't say anything but I know she is troubled by it all. Please, just give her a break; stop teasing her for five minutes, for me?"

"I will if she stops picking on me." I manage to utter, feeling more than a little victimised here but unable to refuse her anything.

She just laughed at the face that I pulled, her laughter sounding like silver bells pealing in the sunshine. I can't help but feel uplifted and a little foolish as she did so.

"Daft twat," she said, "Give us a hand with the washing you, we need to get everything sorted before we leave."

Leave…_Leave_

Fucking hell, we're actually leaving, going to Goa.

I mean I know I bought the tickets and I've been thinking and planning the whole trip. Where we'll go, what we could do. Where I'm taking her for her birthday and all that shit. But it's not until now I realise the truth of it, we're going...and all too soon.

Until right now it's been a bit of a dream, like I'd fantasised about me and her in Goa together when I was alone and stoned or stoned and watching her hate me. It was a dream I'd held onto throughout the months of pain and there's a certain sense of unease as it dawns on me.

In a little over a week I'd be on that plane...

With her…

'_Fucking Hell! I don't think I'm ready.'_

o+o+o

_Emily_

Shit…shit, shit, shit, fucking shit.

Put my foot right in it again haven't I? Like a fucking idiot; with one fucking word I've just watched her face go the colour of boiled shite. I watched the pink drain out of her cheeks and the hollow haunted look appear in her eyes. There's something wrong and it's something to do with our trip, it has to be.

'_Please don't let her be having second thoughts, not after all this.'_

I thought we were over all of this, thought we were both looking forward to it. I'm not really sure what's going on but as we hang out the sheets and towels that I've just washed I can sense the tension in the air.

I try desperately to ease that tension by smiling at her and humming happily as we stretch out the duvet cover over the line, making sure to touch her hand, 'accidentally' as we pull it out. I get a half hearted, almost automatic, smile back; she's obviously lost in thought. As we peg up the last item in the basket she reaches into her pocket for her cigarettes and puts one into her mouth.

"Naoms, not next to the clean washing babe," I tell her as she goes to light it, she knows I hate her smoking next to anything we've washed, this really isn't like her. I absently hear her mutter an apology as she retreats to the patio, sitting in one of the deckchairs and lighting up.

'_Fucks sake Naomi, don't be like that.'_

Deciding to take the bull by the horns I wander over and slip into my usual position on her lap, wrapping my arms around her neck, carefully avoiding the lit cigarette as I do so. I placed a soft kiss on her cheek and settled back as she wrapped a protective arm around me.

"What's up Nai?" she just looked at me, her face trying to be all impassive. "Come on babe, no secrets remember? What's this all about?"

"I'm scared hun."

She's scared; she's _always_ scared; I know that now, I understand it a lot better than I ever had before. I understand that she's not as confident as she makes out, I really do. At least she's talking to me about her fears now, giving me a chance to reassure her.

I ran a hand down her side, enjoying the feeling as she quivered at my touch. I love that I can do that to her; big, strong Naomi Campbell turning to butter because little Emily Fitch touched her. I love that power I hold over her, love that she holds exactly the same power over me.

"What are you scared of babe? Us?"

Her head whipped around like I'd slapped her.

"Shit Ems, no!" she replied tossing her cigarette onto the cobbled surface and grabbing my hand, squeezing it so hard it almost hurts.

"I'm not scared of us…don't _ever_ think that again. It's …well, it's just over a week to our trip and there's so much to do, there's people I need to see, things we need to sort out. I just don't think I'm ready…_we're_ not ready, nowhere fucking near ready. I should have been planning for this weeks ago, I'm so far behind it's fucking terrifying. I mean we haven't even got a plan for getting to the fucking airport. How the hell do we get to Heathrow? Are our passports in date, do we have everything we need for the trip, where are we staying, what are we doing when we leave Goa…Jesus I haven't even thought about what I want to take with me. What the fuck do you pack for a year away? I mean, there's only so much space in a rucksack isn't there..."

She finally stopped for breath looking at me with terror in her eyes; I can feel her heart racing in her chest. Fuck she's such a worry-wort; I'd find it funnier if I wasn't so fucking relieved.

"Is that _it?_ Is that _all_ you're scared about? Fucking hell Naoms you scared the _shit_ out of me."

To her credit she actually managed to look ashamed of herself, but I could still see the troubled look in her eyes.

"We'll get it sorted babe, we've got ages yet. We've got a whole week before we go and we've already got a lot sorted. We did our passports last year remember? When we were talking about Mexico. You put them in the bottom drawer of your bedside cabinet along with the tickets you bought for Goa, along with the places you arranged for us to stay at. You _know_ this hun, you showed it me, weeks ago, the night we got back from the shed."

"Yeah, but…"

"Naoms will you stop panicking, it's _so_ not like you. Jesus, what else do we need to do. We've got the bookings, we know the flight details. All we need is to sort out what we need to take and pack our bags. It'll be fine."

"but…" I silenced her in one of my favourite ways, pulling her head down to mine and kissing her lips. I pressed her forehead to mine and closed my eyes.

"It'll be fine Naomi ok, we'll plan it all out today if you need to. We'll get it all sorted because I'll tell you one thing, we are not, not going to Goa!"

"Decided the photo's not as good as the real thing then Naomi?"

Effy's voice breaks the spell and both of our heads turn to face her and Katie who have appeared hand in hand at the back gate.

"Ready to admit you've got the wrong twin?"

"Ready to swap if I have?"

I glance across at Katie who's looking at Effy with a look so familiar she could have stolen it from me. Affection, adoration even, but most of all a sense of 'oh for fucks sake' was written all over those familiar features. She caught my eye and smirked, our virtually dormant twin sense kicking into overdrive. We both knew what the other was thinking.

They yelped almost simultaneously as we hit them, at almost the same time, across the back of the head. Katie with a good swing, me slightly less severely.

"What the fuck was that for Ems?"

"Picking on my sister." I replied staring at her. "Again."

She looked hard done to, in truth she probably was. After all, all she'd been doing really was telling Effy I was the best looking twin, but I've got to keep her on her toes. Anyway we're both immediately distracted by Katie turning on her girlfriend.

"Swap me...SWAP ME! Fucks sake Effy, I mean what the fuck? I thought you loved me."

"I _do_ love you Katie it was only a fucking joke, calm down."

I'm watching Katie carefully; I can see the 'anger' boiling out of her, I can literally watch the red drain from her face at Effy's words. She knew all along it was a joke, knew exactly what she was doing as well. I know my sister and I recognise the signs of a fake tantrum. In the space of a heartbeat after her words she's thrown her arms around Effy and pulled her into a hug.

"I love you too Eff, now stop teasing me ok?"

I'm restraining myself from crying at this point, they probably didn't realise it, but that's the first time _I've_ heard them describe what they have as love. Well I know they mentioned it to mum, but that was during a fight and they never made it personal. It was never 'I love you' it was always 'to love' or 'loves me' which, to be fair, I've heard from Katie about everyone she's ever dated. This is the first time I've heard her say those three little words to anyone, let alone actually mean them.

I've only heard her say it and mean it about one other person. I don't think I ever heard Effy say it about anyone, even Freddie.

Naomi's pushing at my arms and I realise I've still got them around her neck and I've been squeezing a little hard as the scene plays out. It's beautiful really. For the second time in my life, in the near 18 years that I've been on this earth with Katie, I've seen her truly open up and tell someone her real feelings...and this time that person is actually there to hear it and appreciate it.

"Ems, you're crying hun, what's up?"

I realise that after her words everyone is looking at me. I let go of Naoms and wipe my stupid, overly sensitive eyes and try to look nonchalant.

"You ok there Emsy?"

I nod and smile weakly, hoping they'll put it down to something other than what it was. I don't fool Naoms though, or Effy, as I see them exchange a knowing glance.

"God Ems you are such a loser, can't you go one week without bursting into tears, fucking emotional or what? Anyway, we've got better things to do than hang around with you two. Let's go Eff, we should leave these two before we catch whatever disease that means you can't dress well and be cool."

She gave us her very best sarcastic smile and dragged Effy away. As they walked into the house Naomi called to them.

"You guys coming back, I'm going to ask Em to cook her special spaghetti."

"Dunno," Katie called back, "Emsy I'll ring you and let you know. Later bitches!"

I heard Naomi sigh as they walked away. "Another fun filled morning at Mrs and Mrs Campbell's courtesy of Katie Fitch."

I gave her a dig in the ribs for that comment, before we lapse into silence, enjoying the early morning sunshine and the peace and quiet; our arms wrapped around each other, her eyes closed.

"Nai?" I said eventually breaking the silence, waiting for her to grunt to tell me she was listening. "Did you know about those two?"

She yawned, covering her mouth with her hand quickly as she did so. "Did I know what hun?"

"That they were in love, that they properly loved each other."

"Effy sort of implied it hun, never heard her say it though."

"It's good isn't it, Katie and Effy I mean."

I'm actually in part relieved and scared about them getting together. I'm relieved because I know Katie will have someone that cares about her when I leave.

I'm scared because it's not been that long since Effy got out of the hospital and I'm not sure if Katie is the right person for her, flakey as she is. They could be brilliant together or totally destroy each other, and the thought of that scares me.

I'm also scared because, as Naomi pointed out all those weeks ago; before our world got turned upside down, Katie and I have never been apart for very long, and contact is going to be a bitch I know. We're going to have to make do with the odd phone call whenever I can find a phone. Other than that it'll be postcards or letters, hopefully even e-mails when we hit somewhere like an internet cafe, or a hostel or hotel that has internet access we can use.

"It's good Em, don't worry," she replied softly, stroking my hair; I assume she heard the hint of panic I had in my voice and wanted to reassure me.

"Effy told me all about how Katie was there for her in the hospital that last time...both times actually. She told me that she's been feeling confused about Katie since then, said Katie told her she felt the same way once they kind of fell into each other after Freddie went missing. Effy said that it kind of pushed them together and once they were together, it sort of snowballed from there."

"You knew and you didn't tell me. I can't believe you Naomi." I answered accusingly, only half joking.

'_Fucks sake, so much for no secrets.'_

"I thought you knew babe, honestly. I thought Katie would have told you everything. All Effy told me was how happy she was, how differently she felt about Katie, and she only told me that the other week. Fuck near freaked me out actually. I mean, I get on with Katie now, I might go so far as to say I _like_ her...but really, I can't see someone other than you loving her; least of all Effy."

"She's not that bad Naoms, not really"

"Neither's a hangover hun, but I'm still glad when they've gone."

She prevented my upcoming short reply to her dismissal of my sister by pulling my head to hers and locking her lips with mine; her tongue darting across my lips, her hand in my hair. I don't even get a chance to respond; distracted totally as her other hand travels up my body from where it was resting on my knee. Squeezing my thigh on its steady journey upwards, before it reaches its inevitable destination; her hand cupping my breast, her thumb lazily stroking me through my T-Shirt as she does so.

As we pause for a breath I pull away slightly and try to bring us back to reality before we both lose control.

"Babe, we still need to think about our trip remember. You said there were things you needed to do before we left. I think we should start so you're not worried about them."

I leaned into her neck as her eyes lowered, the hint of fear back in them, nibbling at her skin. "Because once we've got it all planned babe you can stop thinking about it; and then, I do believe, we have the house to ourselves."

o+o+o

An hour, two cups of tea and half a pack of garibaldi's later I'm looking at the list that we've written. Some of it is obvious, Passports, tickets, hotel and hostel reservations etc. I've run upstairs, grabbed everything and placed them into a travel folder I picked up in town when I was planning our ill fated trip to Mexico. Everything has its own place and that way I know, and more importantly she knows, it's all sorted.

It's funny, but it's only after she's double checked all the information and slotted some other paperwork she had in an envelope for the hotel we'll be staying in into another slot, is she happy to check the little items off our list.

We carry on looking at everything we need to organise, I'd never took her as a list kind of girl, but apparently she has a deep-seated need to be Miss-bloody-organised. Wish I'd seen her revision plan to get those bloody 'A' grades, I think I could have benefited from that kind of focus myself. Perhaps I could have spent some time at home revising, rather than off gallivanting with Mandy trying to make myself feel better.

"Rucksacks!" she'd announced suddenly, scaring the shit out of me and making me spill my tea.

"What about them?"

"We're going to need new ones, good ones. Mines knackered and that blue one of yours is going to be far too small."

I added it to the list, my lips twitching as I did do. She's really amusing me now, to think I was scared she didn't want to go and all she really wanted was a bloody list and a new rucksack.

"We need to decide on clothes as well hun. I was thinking we should travel light and buy some cheap things if we need them."

"Sounds like a plan. We should be able to pick up cheap clothes easily. We just doing shorts and T-shirts?"

"Long as the weather's ok that's fine. Pair of jeans and a skirt as well and I'm fine. Walking boots, trainers, lots of socks and…" she paused for a second as if thinking.

"…I think we should take some stuff that can look smart as well, just in case."

"In case of what babe?"

"In case we end up staying somewhere that doesn't appreciate a couple of tramps in their hotel. I don't want to end up in a town somewhere in the middle of fucking nowhere and find we can't get into a hotel or a restaurant or something. I don't really want to have to sleep under any bushes if I can help it. Though I had wondered if we should take a tent or one of those string up shelter things just in case we get stranded and have to camp."

She's actually thought about this, I'm impressed. I'd just planned for tramping around, living in shorts and t-shirts and carrying everything on my back. I loved the dream of the bohemian lifestyle but I think the blonde sat in front of me might just have a better grasp of reality than I have. I think I'm going to sit back and let her rabbit on; we'll probably get something good organised then.

"We'll need a medical kit as well; I read somewhere that we should take sterile needles with us in case we have to go to hospital. Some water treatment stuff and probably a mosquito net as well."

"Jesus babe, you're as bad as Katie for packing. How are we going to carry all this?"

"I'll carry the medical kit, you carry the net. We'll only need one of each. Smart clothes don't have to be bulky and I'm only thinking flats for smart shoes. They'll tuck into a side pouch or something."

I can't help but look at her in wonder, none of these things I would ever have considered. To be honest I'd probably have packed a couple of changes of clothing and just gone to the airport with that. Not for the first time, I'm glad she's with me.

"You really are something else aren't you babe, "I tell her through a grin. "I can't believe you can think of all this just off the top of your head."

She blushed, another thing she's developed a skill for recently. I like it; she's kind of pretty when she blushes.

"It's not exactly off the top of my head hun. I, well…I did a lot of research after I bought the tickets. I, um...had a bit of time on my hands, spent a bit of time on the internet reading travellers blogs, just in case..."

"You're amazing." I told her anxious not to let the mood slip at the thought of that unhappy time.

"Only because of you hun, I think you inspire it in me."

She leant over and kissed me on the cheek, before getting up from the floor and heading into the kitchen.

"More tea?" she called out. I shouted back my agreement.

"So, what else do you think we need to do besides buy all that crap hun?"

I thought about it for a second before answering. "We probably need to get a few new clothes babe, but I think we'll only need travelling shorts and a light jacket or something. We can get those when we go to that camping place by the airport. We really should go out with Mum and Kieran again to say goodbye and we should do the same with Katie and Effy."

"We're going to that bloody balloon festival you agreed to," she shouted back. "We'll be going out with those two then, _and_ Katie threatened us with shopping afterwards, can't we can kill two unpleasant birds with one stone."

We hadn't exactly rowed about the festival, but she had let me know that she wasn't exactly happy about it. Her and her bloody principles, _I_ think it'll be fun.

"Well I'll text mum later on and see if we can't set up going out for a meal together. We could even cook or something. Have, like, an adult dinner party?"

A tea towel came flying through the doorway at my head, followed almost immediately by a snort of disgust. I can't help laughing at her as I throw the towel back. It was then that she lobbed a hand grenade into the conversation.

"Are you going to call _your_ mum?"

"No."

Her head appeared in the doorway, "You sure?"

I nodded, I was. I'd made my mind up, I might not hate her, Naomi might have cleverly proven that to me the other night, but I wasn't going to forgive her that easily and I certainly wasn't going to go running to her.

"I'm not calling her babe; she made her position perfectly clear, she doesn't want to know me whilst I'm with you so fuck her! I will get in touch with Dad though; get him to bring James round when he comes next. It'd be nice to see my pervy little brother again."

"Just keep him out of our bedroom yeah? Last time I saw him, you know when you had the barbeque, he asked me where we kept our strap-ons."

"Jesus, what did you say to that? He's a little fucker isn't he? Needs a regular kicking to keep him in line."

She shrugged as if it wasn't a big thing. "Told him we had them scattered around the house."

I just goggled at her!

"I may have mentioned that we kept the toys all over the place, just in case we wanted to have sex and didn't want to go up to bed."

"Fucking hell Naoms, what did he say to that?"

"He kind of went white hun, I don't think he expected me to be quite that honest. Caught him later rooting through the cupboards in the kitchen…it was quite funny actually, especially as at the time we were, well..."

She left it hanging, but I knew what she meant. Carefully I got up from the floor and stepped over the piles of paper we'd created. I crept up behind her as she was fiddling with our cups by the countertop waiting for the kettle. Realising she hadn't heard me walk in I threw my arms around her waist and grabbed her tightly.

"So when are you going to tell him that _you're_ my only sex toy?"

"I'm not," she said, but not before jumping slightly and turning in my grasp and putting her own arms over my shoulders. She bit her lip and looked into my eyes.

"There is one more thing I want to do before we leave. You might not like it very much, but it's something I really have to do."

I braced myself for whatever it was she was about to say, the kettle boiling away in the background, the cups of tea forgotten.

"I want to go and visit Cook."

o+o+o

_Katie_

I realised today that there's no point in trying to hide anything significant from Effy. She knew I'd been winding her up in the garden; and she had picked me up on it almost the second we turned the corner and walked away from the house.

"Fake tantrum Kay? Just how old are you?"

I just shrugged and smiled, "Got what I wanted Eff, so why change something that's always worked."

I wasn't lying either, welcome to the wonderful world of Katie Fitch, I'd spent years getting what I wanted out of mum and dad by just screaming and shouting. As I grew up I became more subtle about it, less screaming more cold fury; less shouting more silent treatment.

Emily had never been fooled, but even she'd gone along with it over and over again. Even down to when I'd got her to sit my History AS level for me. It was an effective strategy, Katie Fitch, master manipulator; it had even worked with Effy.

"Don't get used to it Kay, I let you have that one. _Don't_ expect me to make a habit of it though. I'm _not_ Emily."

'_Bollocks'_

We walked along the street to the bus stop hand in hand. I actually can't remember the last time I walked like this with a boyfriend, it was probably back in my early teens though. I'd always tried to be more adult after that, you know arm around the waist, hand in the jeans pocket or something. But this feels right; I actually understand now why Emily is always holding Naomi's hand. Why wherever they are, if they haven't got their _arms_ around each other they've got their _fingers_ wrapped around each others.

I get it, I like it.

We do get a couple of funny looks as we climb onto the bus; arms swinging as we do so; separating ourselves only to show our student travel cards and to walk down the narrow aisle to the back. One old biddy seems to want to keep turning around and glare at us, but I soon put her straight with my best hard stare back.

This seems to amuse Effy immensely and she smiles her way into town.

As we're travelling I took the time to call Gina, Effy hanging on my arm as I rang.

"Katherine," I heard the mad, but totally lovely, old hippy's voice. "So nice to hear from you. What's gone wrong with those two this time." She added her voice hardening.

"Nothing Gina they're fine, more than fine actually judging by the noise they make."

I know I'm safe telling Gina that, she had told me in unashamed detail about the sleepless nights she'd had on account of my sister when I'd met her the day she'd returned.

"Well thank heavens for small mercies. What can I do for you then Katherine?"

"Can we meet, Effy and I want to throw them a going away party and we thought you might want to get involved."

"Katherine, that's so sweet. Of course I want to get involved, do you want to come to the flat or are you at the girls' place?"

"Well Eff and I are heading into town right now, but we could call round after lunch if you'll be in."

We make arrangements to meet at one and, hanging up, I look at Effy with a smile on my face.

"Sorted, one o'clock this afternoon at her place."

She grinned back at me, "Wonderful Katherine," she scoffed; taking the piss out of both me and Gina.

"Oh, fuck off _Elizabeth_," I replied haughtily before we both cracked up, annoying the old biddy once more.

"One thing Kay," she said once our giggles had subsided, "I've got an appointment at three this afternoon so I might have to bail early ok?"

I'm immediately interested and, fuck it jealous. She has an appointment and she's never mentioned it to me until right now. Colour me suspicious!

"You never mentioned another Doctors appointment Eff, you ok?"

Es I'm fishing, sue me.

"I'm fine Kay, it's not an appointment at the mad house. It's just something I'm trying to arrange for Emily, but it's a surprise ok? I don't want anyone to know about it until it's sorted in case I don't pull it off."

Well that's helpful Effy, in one fell swoop you've got my interest because it's a surprise for my sister _and_ you don't want me to know about it. But you've also made it impossible for me to pester you about it. Damn you girl!

"Is that ok Katie, I don't want it to be a big thing between us, but it's just...sometimes...well you know."

"I know what Eff?"

"You're not the best at keeping surprises under wraps babe, not other peoples anyway."

I guess she's got me there, I do have a habit of blurting other people's secrets out; everyone knows that. Doesn't mean I can't act all offended by it though, I've noticed Effy is far more affectionate when she thinks I'm annoyed or upset. I'm not totally sure she believes me, but she plays along well and _I_ want to go shopping this morning and spend some of the hard earned cash dad left me. Perhaps I'll reward her later, if she's attentive enough.

o+o+o

After dragging, an admittedly very patient and _very_ attentive, Effy around the shops, and picking up a couple of bits for us that would make us both look particularly good at the party we're planning, we find ourselves outside the small flat that Gina and Kieran share. As we knock at the door and are bundled in by Naomi's mother with hugs and kind words; I'm forced to admit that, as eccentric as she seems, she's not a bad person to know.

In fact she's a hell of a lot nicer than her daughter; I store that little fact away for our next little spat.

Cups of tea and biscuits were forced into our hands as we were pushed into seats; and questioned about the plans for the party by a very excited Gina Campbell.

I'm actually kind of ashamed to admit that as party plans go, our ideas are a bit thin on the ground. We, well _I_, tell her about the morning we have got planned, the balloon festival and our idea of shopping and then lunch.

"Oh but girls," she'd interrupted, "Emily's texted me and asked if grumpy guts over there and I would go for a meal with them. Why don't I suggest we make an afternoon of it, take them from you after lunch and we'll look after them until it's time for the party. We can make sure they've got everything for their trip or something. If we go for a meal at about seven, we can be wherever the party will be for nine and that'll be perfect."

I looked across at Effy who tilted her head in agreement. "Only one problem Mrs Campbell," she added, her first major contribution to the conversation, "We don't have anywhere for the party."

'_Fucking hell Eff, seriously could you bring something positive to the table? Like a fucking idea?'_

I just glared at her and watched her slump back into the sofa like a scolded puppy.

"Yeah, after all, "I added, probably unnecessarily, "most of us are underage. Effy's ok, but Emily and I don't have our birthday for another month and Naomi's..."

I paused there and looked at Effy, she looked blank as well. I realised that I have no idea when Naomi's birthday is, or was. Gina looked at us and smiled.

"Naomi's birthday is the 16th of September girls, but I doubt if she's ever mentioned it. I know my daughter, she hates a fuss. I'd be surprised if she's even told Emily."

I racked my brains trying to think if Emily had done anything special around that time last year, but I couldn't be sure. I made a note to ask her and drop the blonde in it if she didn't. It wouldn't be like Emily not to know about birthdays though, for fucks sake she knows the birthdays of some of our most obscure family members. Plus Emily likes fuss; if Naomi's been hiding her birthday from her for that reason, well let's just say I'll get a lot of pleasure about hearing what Emily actually does arrange for her birthday.

Actually scratch that, knowing those two that's the _last_ think I'd want to hear about.

"Pity we can't do something at Roundview," I said, finally throwing an idea into the hat, "You know give them the 'Love Ball' that they didn't get last year."

"Not a fucking chance Miss Fitch," Kieran uttered from his corner; to be honest I was convinced he was actually asleep he'd been so quiet. "There's no-way Professor 'twat-features' Blood would allow anything like that. He'd shit himself that it would look bad on his next OFSTED report."

"What about Keith's pub?" asked Effy, finally bringing something other than problems to the conversation. "He's never cared about us being underage there, and I'm sure he's got a back room. We'd probably need to kick him to get it cleaned up though. He likes Naomi, she and Cook spent a lot of time there drinking last summer."

She glanced across at me, "You know, when Emily was in France with you? If we push him enough we might even get the room for free."

It actually sounded like an idea, probably a bad one admittedly, but it _was_ an idea. Keith was a disgusting sexist twat and his pub was a grotty shithole but it was something to look into.

"Right then," Gina announced, "Kieran, get your car keys. Girls, you're taking us to this pub."

"Ah, Gina, I'm going to have to leave you and Katie to this, I've got to meet someone about a surprise. Kay knows where the pub is though, I'm sure you'll be able to sort something."

I'm still suspicious as we walked out of the flat. As we reached the street Effy grabbed me and pulled me to one side.

"I'll see you back at mine in a bit babe, I won't be too long." She pressed a key into my hand, "You'll need this to get in, say hi to my mum if she's there and make yourself at home. Love you."

She quickly kissed me and then turned and walked away, it's all quite sudden and I'm looking down at the key in my hand in some surprise. I'm still shocked as we pull away in the yellow death trap Kieran calls a car and I grab my phone from my bag and send her a quick text.

_Sry F, tk me by supris. CUL8R, Luv U too._

She'll get the idea.

o+o+o

_Naomi_

"_I want to go and visit Cook."_

I waited patiently for the explosion. I could feel her arms tighten slightly about my waist but I held our eye contact, trying to fathom what she was thinking. I know she hates Cook, well at least dislikes him a lot. I can't blame her really, he's not exactly what you would call Mr Reliable, or Mr Considerate. To be honest he's a twat, but then aren't we all? Plus he's my friend and he deserves to hear that I'm leaving from my own mouth.

I watch as she stares back at me, her brown eyes totally unreadable, and then I panic and try to break the tension.

"Ems..."

"It's ok hun," she answered, finally smiling, though the smile never totally reached her eyes. "I understand, you want to see Cook, that's ok...we'll go together."

"Really?" I ask, not believing that I'm hearing this, I thought at least she'd try and convince me that I should stay away, or at least tell me to go alone.

Ems stood on her tip toes and kissed me softly on my lips, nothing more than a quick peck but enough to set my pulse pounding in my skull.

"Of course really! You said you missed him when we were in London. I've been waiting for you to suggest it."

'_Thank fuck for that!'_

To be honest I was expecting to have to put up more of an argument. I know she's always been pissed at Cook for what happened between us the day after the lake, and for what he did to her at the nightclub that time; not to mention turning up at our house when he was a fugitive, putting us in jeopardy of being arrested for aiding and abetting a criminal. Time to do the right thing, time to give her an out.

"But you and Cook, you don't exactly get along hun; you don't have to come, I just want to say goodbye face to face, you know? I don't want him to think I've just fucked off and abandoned him. I don't want to be like everyone else."

She smiled at me, gave me her best beaming smile and this time...this time it did reach those beautiful brown eyes.

"Hun, he's your friend, you said he was your best mate yeah? I think it's time that I put the past behind me. After all, you've been nice to Katie, most of the time anyway; I think I should be nice to Cook."

I relax back against the countertop; Ems reaches past me and flicks the switch on the kettle, stopping its endless boiling_. _Rather absently I consider the fact that we really should replace it, its broken sensor being a real pain in the arse. Then it hits me again...there's no point. We'll be gone in a few days. We'll be going to Goa, together, just as I'd dreamed.

"Naom's?"

I snap back to reality, and see her staring at me. "You all right babe? You sort of went away from me there. Is your head hurting again?"

I shake my head at her, nothing could be further from the truth, my head is fine, perfectly, wonderfully, beautifully fine; if a little distracted by the fact that her hands are wandering from my sides to my spine and slowly creeping their way up my body.

"When do you want to go see Cook babe, today?"

"I think I need to make an appointment hun, they weren't best pleased when I just showed up last time. Later on this afternoon perhaps? If I can arrange it that is. Are you ok to come along later?"

Her hands reached my hair and wrapped themselves into it. I could feel the slight pulling of my scalp as she tugged at me, pulling me back into her, dragging my lips inexorably towards hers.

"This afternoon will be fine hun," she said as our faces pushed together, allowing her lips to flick against mine as she spoke. "We can go see Cook then head to that outdoors shop and pick up the rest of the bits we need."

Feeling her lips slide against mine, those feather light touches as she spoke to me, is pure hell. Finally she eased my agony and kissed me properly, slowly slipping her tongue between my lips as she did so, deepening the kiss, making my heart beat ever faster before agonisingly pulling those beautiful lips away and speaking again.

"Better make that phone call then babe, sort things out with the prison. When you're done you know where I'll be waiting for you...oh and I'll be naked."

She ended all possibilities of further discussion of that wonderful topic by walking out of the kitchen; pulling off her t-shirt and dropping it to the floor as she wandered through the living room, dropping her skirt to the floor as she went. She paused in the doorway to look back over her shoulder and raise an eyebrow suggestively at me before walking out of my sight. Within seconds I heard her footsteps on the stairs and her knickers were thrown through the air to land on the papers scattered across the floor. My mind treats me to an image of those perfect buttocks moving, with that sexy flick of the hips only she can do, naked up our stairs. It's a great image and one I desperately want to hold onto until I can see it in reality.

'_Oh Emily Fitch, the things you do to me.'_

Scrabbling for my phone I look for the number I entered the last time I went to see Cookie, the time I vowed that I never wanted to go back. With trembling hands I dialled and made the arrangement with the snooty voice at the other end. This afternoon at three-fifteen it was.

List made, appointment made, fears settled...at least for now, I slowly wandered up the stairs, following the love of my life; now, as I knew I would do till the end of my days. As I stepped into our bedroom I knew I'd done the right thing, she was waiting for me just as she'd promised...after all; we had the house to ourselves.

o+o+o

_Effy_

'_Avonview Caravan Park'_, the sign had read._ 'What a fucking shithole.'_ If there's one thing it doesn't have it's a view of the river Avon, it's nowhere near the river the only view it has is of Avonview Cemetery, and it's not what I would call looked after.

I don't really know why I'm here, don't really know why I nicked Katie's phone yesterday and stole the number, texted and made the arrangements to come here. Don't really know why I pretended to be Katie and covered my tracks, deleting everything I'd sent and received. I feel a bit guilty about doing it, even I realise it's not the sign of a healthy relationship all this secrecy, but it's all in a good cause, or at least I hope it will be.

I walked around the site, avoiding the piles of dog shit that were evidence of the owner's lack of regard, no wonder Katie had been so happy to crash at Naomi's. I'd rather sleep on the streets than stay here. It's filled with people who look like they would rather kill me and eat me that help me find someone I'm looking for. So I keep my head down, watch my step and keep walking. Eventually saw a face I thought I recognised putting boxes into the back of a people carrier.

"Excuse me, Mr Fitch?"

The dark head came up from the boxes and flashed me a brilliant smile. "Hiya love, if you're looking for my daughters they're not here I'm afraid."

"That's ok; I'm here to see Mrs Fitch. I'm Effy, Effy Stonem..."

His face faltered for a second before that brilliant smile was back on his face again as if nothing had happened. Well of course he'd look at me like that; I did nearly kill his daughter. Probably just as well he doesn't know how close we've become; or does he? I assume Jenna would have mentioned it to him; what's the point of trying to hide.

"...I'm Katie's, well..." I paused not wanting to speak out of turn, before;

'_Oh fuck it, I'm not ashamed.'_

"Mr Fitch, Katie's my girlfriend," I blurted out. "We've been seeing each other for a while now."

He stared at me as if this was either unimportant or old news.

"Wow Katie's a lesbian too; Gordon's never going to believe this." A small tousled head appeared around the side of the car a grin the size of the Severn Bridge on his face.

"You're hot too...why is it my sisters get all the hot girls?"

"Family luck I expect." I answered my best cool and disinterested look on my face. I wasn't surprised to see him staring at my legs, and my tits; for someone so young he really was a pervy bastard. Katie and Emily hadn't really done him justice with their descriptions, and they hadn't exactly been nice about him.

Poetic justice is served however when Mr Fitch cuffs him across the back of the head and sends him on his way.

"Sorry about him, he's young and hasn't spent nearly enough time on the naughty bar. How can I help you love?"

"Mr Fitch, Katie's really upset about what happened the other night and I need to speak to Mrs Fitch."

"Jenna's in the caravan packing. Does she know you're coming love?"

"Sort of." I admitted.

"Right, well; It's that one over there love; excuse the mess, we're moving into our new place this afternoon. We've got a lot of stuff to sort out before we can get away from here."

I nodded my thanks and walked towards the caravan and the monster within. Before I got two steps I heard his voice behind me.

"One thing Miss Stonem, you treat my Katiekins right, you understand? If I hear of anything you do that upsets her, you and I will be having words you hear? I love my daughter and I'd hate to hear you'd done anything...inappropriate to her."

He squinted his eyes threateningly, "Do you get my drift?"

I tilted my head and looked back at him impassively waiting for him to finish. "Right then, you and I will have to talk again. It was nice to meet you Effy, I'll look forward to seeing you again."

I nodded my goodbyes and walked up to the caravan and knocked. I heard a voice call from inside.

"Is that you Katie, you don't have to knock."

I opened the door and walked in. There, sat at the small fold up table that doubled as a bed, was Jenna Fitch. She looked up from the glass she was stuffing full of newspaper and stared at me.

"_What_ do you think _you_ are doing here?"

"I've come to talk." I replied sitting on the seat opposite her.

"I have nothing to say to you Effy Stonem. I suppose that girl sent you round to do her dirty work."

She amazes me, I've no idea how anyone can hold onto such vitriol for so long for no reason other than she can.

"If by 'that girl' you mean Katie, or Emily or even Naomi, then no. None of them sent me around. I came here of my own free will to talk to you."

"Well I think I've made my position perfectly clear, so you can lea..."

"Good," I interrupted, sitting back and taking out a cigarette, holding it in my fingers but making no attempt to light it, despite my screaming nerves.

"You having nothing to say to me will make my job much easier then Jenna. You don't mind me calling you Jenna do you? Mum sounds so forward, after all Katie and I haven't been together very long, not like Emily and Naomi."

I paused for a second, gauging her response before continuing.

"You do know Emily calls Gina, that's Naomi's' mother by the way; you know she calls her 'mum' don't you? It must be painful that, knowing that your daughter thinks a virtual stranger is more worthy of that accolade than you are."

I watched her eyes as the shot hit home, was that just a hint of pain I saw through the daggers she's giving me?

"It's funny really, I've just left Katie with Gina, they're getting all giddy making plans for a going away party for _your_ daughter and _her_ girlfriend, you know for the round-the-world trip they've planned together; it's quite sweet really. It's a shame you're not involved, after all Emily is your daughter...despite what you might tell her."

She glared at me, her eyes impassive; I hardened my eyes, glaring back at her, putting as much of the contempt I could muster into that look.

"You hurt Emily Jenna and that's not right; you even managed to hurt Naomi. But most of all you managed to hurt Katie and I won't have that.

I love her and I won't have you upset her like that ever again. Two days she cried because of you and what you said. Two days I had to comfort her. We're supposed to be being happy at the moment; all loved up and blissful, that's what the books say. We're supposed to be in the fucking honeymoon period. Instead we have to deal with your fucking prejudices and the pain they're causing."

She went to interrupt me, but I pressed on, not allowing her to speak.

"_No_ Jenna, you said you had nothing to say so you'll sit and listen for a change. Emily loves Naomi, Katie loves me. I'm afraid you're going to have to leave the 1950's and get over it or you _will_ lose them both; _permanently_.

Katie still loves you but even she didn't think you'd have anything to do with this party. I doubt Emily even wants you there, not the way you are."

I stood up from the seat and walked towards the door.

"I'm going to give you this one chance Jenna; you _don't_ have to thank me for it. I'll text you with the details of when and where the party will be. I'm sure you'll be welcome if you want to behave. But I warn you, if you cause them, _any_ of them, any pain on their special night I _will_ cause you pain in return."

I opened the door to see Mr Fitch standing outside, his eyes troubled.

"It's your last chance Jenna, your last chance to save your relationship with your daughters. Don't fuck it up."

With one last look and a smile to Mr Fitch as I left, I walked away from the caravan park for good. It was time to go home and meet Katie, time to be happy again.

o+o+o

_Emily_

There's a kind of dull foreboding about this place, like someone has sucked all the hope, all the happiness, from the very air and replaced it with misery and hatred. I can't help a small shudder as we cross the threshold into Bristol Prison and step into the waiting area. Nai just grips my hand a little tighter and pulls me onwards, through the heavy door and up to the small counter.

"Name?"

"Cook."

The rather overweight prison guard looked down at the paper list in his hands and nodded. "Your name?" he asked looking across at us.

"Campbell and Fitch, I called earlier; they told me to come for three-fifteen." The guard simply looked at his watch as if to tell us that we were early. Like we didn't realise that ourselves.

"He's got another visitor at the moment, you'll have to wait. Take a seat please."

I nudged Naomi as we went to sit on the hard plastic seats that were bolted in a line to the floor.

"Who do you think is visiting him?"

"Dunno, probably his mum. They don't get on very well, but he loves his little brother so she might have brought him along to see him. Paddy's cute, if a bit of a bastard. I think he wants to be like his big brother."

She never ceases to surprise me, I didn't know she knew much about Cook, no-one really did, let alone know his little brother.

Thankfully we didn't have long to wait, as our names were called a familiar face pushed through the doors and out into the waiting room. Karen McClair is not an easy person to miss, but obviously we _are_ because she walked through the room and out the door without even a glance in our direction.

"Fucking Hell," Naomi exclaimed. I couldn't agree more; in my list of everybody in the world that could be visiting Cook Karen wouldn't even get a mention. We don't have time to dwell on the matter, however, as one of the guards gestures at us and Naomi led me by the hand into the meeting room.

"Naomikins, Emilio; nice to see you. How are my favourite lezzers?" He called loudly from the table he was sat behind as he saw Naomi and I walk in. I could feel my stomach churn as every male eye in the room turned to stare at the two of us.

"Shut the fuck up Cook," Naomi responded quickly, "we can just as easily walk out as we can in you know...unlike some people I could mention."

"Toosh babes."

He turned his head to look at me, his voice now thankfully at a more reasonable level. "Emily, how you doing? Take it you and Princess Nai over there are on the mend again yeah?"

I simply nodded at him, "Fucking great Emilio. Naomikins here, she's a fucking mess without you babe. What brings you to see the Cookiemonster?"

"We've come to say goodbye babe," Naomi replied the sadness in her voice evident even to Cook. For a moment the cheeky grin vanished from his face before reappearing again, seconds later, as if by magic.

"Leaving me again Naomi, Emily here making you stay away? Can't say I blame her, I am a fucking criminal mastermind. I'm dangerous to know I am."

Naomi and I snorted as we sat down to face the boy that was desperately playing the role of a man.

"I'm not making her do anything Cook, I've never told her to stay away from you."

He shrugged, "So what's going on then Emilio, why you both coming here to tell the Cookiemonster you're saying goodbye?"

"Cook, fucking stop it mate, please," she whispered across at him. "Stop acting a twat, this is hard enough as it is."

Naomi sounds upset and I can't help but link my fingers with hers, despite the looks I know we're getting. She doesn't pull away like I expected her to, simply moved her chair nearer to the table and me.

"Sorry babe," he said his voice considerably lower than before, I had to strain to pick up what he was saying. "But I told you how it is yeah? Gotta keep a front up Naomi, only way of staying out of the hospital."

"Five minutes Cook, then you can be as 'fronty' as you like mate, just give me five minutes to explain ok? Then you can make as many lesbian cracks as you like, but at _me_ Cook, _not_ at Emily...deal?"

Cook winked at her and sat back in his chair.

"Was Karen here to see you Cook?" I asked, not sure what was going on, but burning with curiosity. "We saw her leaving as we came in."

"Yeah, Karen's been visiting me on and off since Naomi here came last, we're getting along you know? Kind of bonded again, with everything to do with Freddie and that Foster twat."

"That's good babe," Naomi said, "It's good that you've had someone to visit you. Look, sorry I haven't been back but..."

"...You've been throwing yourself off rooftops Naomi, yeah, I know, Karen told me. Listen babe, if I hear of you trying something that fucking stupid again I will break out of this place and bitch-slap you myself. You understand?"

Dammit, I could actually grow to like James Cook; he's just totally stunned Naomi into speechlessness. Though I need a discussion with my fucking sister and her girlfriend to find out how the fuck Karen knew about Naomi.

"Not even my favourite lesbian here is worth that; you hear, you daft cow?"

She nodded and squeezed my hand even tighter. "All in the past mate," she said without even blinking, "not going there again."

He nodded as if passing judgement on her statement before leaning forward in his seat and placing his arms on the table.

"So what's the leaving visit for babe, you finally taking Emilo to Goa like you promised?"

"I am," she said with a hint of pride in her voice, "then we're off to the Far East, then probably Australia, New Zealand, Mexico. Then America; Florida or New York perhaps and then home. We're going to be out of the country for the best part of a year mate, and after that we're both moving to London for Uni."

"Naomikins, you're going to abandon me, forever...I'm hurt."

He's doing his best to joke, but even I can tell he actually is a little stung by her admission.

"We're not abandoning you Cook; I'll make sure I stay in touch. I can write you letters and e-mails and stuff can't I?"

Cook shrugged, "You'll have to ask the screws mate, I don't really know. Apart from Karen and you I don't get much contact from the outside world. But it's ok, my brief reckons I'll be out of here soon. Reckons that self defence against Foster is a workable defence, might even be able to get me off the breaking and entering charge as well."

"That's great mate, but how long are we talking? You've still got to serve the assault conviction haven't you?"

"Yeah, eighteen months for that and the drugs charges, plus six for absconding. If I can get off the Foster charges I could be out in under two years with good behaviour."

"I still owe you for that Cook; I won't forget what you did for me you know?"

Shit, I'd actually forgotten about that, now I understand why she needed to see him, why she feels guilty about not being in touch. I'd totally forgotten he took the rap for Sophia and the MDMA deal, lost in the pain that I was going through at the time. In that one instant I look upon James Cook with new eyes, yes he's a scumbag and a criminal, but he's Naomi's friend; and he did everything he could to protect her at his own expense. That self sacrifice is not something you'd expect from my image of him. Perhaps Naomi's right, perhaps there is a lot more to James Cook than he lets on.

"Nah, you don't owe me nothing babe, paid that debt when you gave me somewhere to hide and didn't grass me even when they bust your fucking door down. We're even babes; I know you could have ended up here for what you did. Anyway, enough about history...how's Effy?"

Naomi regarded him closely; I almost winced as she gripped my fingers so tight it hurt.

"I thought you were over her Cook?" she replied carefully. Cook shrugged and continued to stare from her to me, waiting for one of us to break.

"She's seeing someone mate, she's moving on from Freddie."

"and me?" Naomi nodded. "Is he nice, will he do right by her?"

Naomi glanced across at me, her eyes not really looking into mine, her thoughts obvious, _'I can't, not tell him, but how do I not betray their trust?'_

"_She's_ lovely Cook," I said saving her the agony of decision. "Effy's found a nice girl, I think she didn't want to get involved with another man, you know after you and Freddie and that Foster bloke. She's happy with her anyway, that's all we know really."

He looked broken as he sat back in his red plastic seat, rocking back and forth. "So Effy joined your team did she Emilio, did you put something in the water when you went fishing for this one mate?"

"Nothing to do with me Cook," I replied, feeling a little cross at his insinuation it had to be said, "I have no interest in Effy at all, who she's sleeping with is her business; it's not really my position to comment on it."

"Emily and I have decided as we've only got a week to go before we leave mate, we're staying well out of everyone else's business." Nai interrupted me, deflecting his eyes from mine to hers. "We've got enough to do without thinking about Effy's love life, or anyone else's for that matter."

"So this really is your last visit?"

We nodded, "For the year Cook, I'm sure Naomi will want to come and see you when we get back."

"But you'll write, tell me of the epic adventures in Lesbos. yeah?"

I looked across at Naomi, who's suddenly got tears pouring down her face at Cooks heartbroken tone. I decide to reply for her...

"She will Cook; I'll make her keep in touch if I have to. We won't forget you. I promise you that."

It's the best I can do for him, for now anyway. It'll take a lot for me to forgive James Cook for who, and what he is; but I never really understood just how close he and Naomi had become. She'd called Effy and him her best mates and I was beginning to understand why she said that. The scruffy, tattooed blonde haired boy sat opposite her had obviously wormed his way into her affections and I guess I'm going to have to deal with that over the coming years.

We sat and made small talk with Cook, allowing him his moment in the sun having _"a gorgeous bird and two stunning lezzers come and visit me on the same day."_ I actually hope it gives him a bit of status or something here, anything that might make his miserable existence that little bit better. All too soon however our time was up and we were ushered away by one of the guards; promising, once again, to stay in touch as best we could whilst we were on our travels.

Finally leaving the oppressive, depressive building and returning to the parked scooter I'm faced with a sense of déjà vu. Last time Naoms came to see Cook I ended up sat on the bike holding her tightly whilst she recovered from the upset of the experience. Last time she had barely cried, just held me tight; wanting me to do the same. This time, however, she's in bits; her eyes pouring salty tears onto my shoulder as I held her shaking body. This time it was all too much for her.

Eventually, she pulled herself back from my shoulder and looked at me with washed out, tear filled eyes.

"Ems, can we skip the shopping hun, can we just go home? I don't think I can take looking at rucksacks today."

I pulled her face to mine and kissed her as hard as I could, crushing her lips to mine.

"We can do anything you want babe, anything you want."

"Then I want to go home hun, please take me home."

o+o+o

_Katie_

I'm not sure if the warm feeling I have is because of where I am, or what I've been doing.

Where I am, is sat on the sofa at Effy's house; on my own, waiting for her. I'm feeling good because she gave me my own key and told me to wait for her, told me to make myself at home.

What I've been doing, is sorting out the party. We have a location, and I've been calling round our old friends, members of the family, and anyone else I can think of that Emily and Naomi know. I've even had a great conversation with dad about coming along and he seems quite excited. I've had the use what was left of the money he gave me as a deposit on using back room at Keith's, and Gina and I have had to do a lot of arguing to get him to clean it up and remove the years worth of shit that he'd dumped in there. We'd even managed to find a small wooden dance floor under the boxes and assorted junk.

"Get this place cleaned Keith and we'll take it," Gina had said. If it's not clean we want that deposit back with interest. We'll be back in a day or two to check it's all sorted before the day, won't we Katherine?"

"I'd simply nodded and handed over the cash with my best evil look, trying to let him know that I wouldn't take any shit from him over this.

"Right then love," Gina had said as we left the pub, "so all we need is music and people. Do you want me to get in touch with some of my side, invite Naomi's family and friends along?"

"That'd be good Gina, I'll do the same. Effy's asked Panda if her boyfriend will do the music for us, if he can't he'll know someone who will do him a favour. Might not be fancy but we'll have some sounds."

"There you go then, we'll have music and dancing and as long as there's alcohol I assume everyone will be happy. Keith actually has quite a nice function room there, under the grime; pity the rest of his pub is such a..."

"Shithole?" I finished for her. She smiled back, we understood each other perfectly.

They'd dropped me off back at Effy's and I was surprised to not find her here. Our run to Keith's and the arguing and box shifting had taken longer than I'd expected but when I let myself in calling for Eff, or Anthea I was met by nothing more than cold silence.

As I sat myself on the sofa I grabbed my phone from my bag and sent her a quick text telling her where I was and asking how long she thought she'd be. Five minutes later I got her reply.

'_On bus, be home in 10, put kettle on!'_

So I sat and waited, knowing that her ten minutes were usually anything but. I still feel good, I still have the warm feeling and I still don't know why.

Perhaps Effy will explain it when she gets home; she'll be able to tell me all about it. She's clever like that.

o+o+o

_Emily_

It's been four hours since we left the prison, since we left Cookp; watching as he was led away by one of the guards to spend the rest of his day in his tiny cell. Naomi's not crying anymore, but she's still upset. I can tell that easily. It's like I'm totally attuned to her feelings now. I can tell when she's upset, even when she's trying to hide it like she is right now.

She's sat on the floor of our living room, head lent back against my knees as I sit on the sofa and wait. She'll talk to me about it soon, I know she will. For now all I need to do, all she needs me to do, is sit with her whilst we watch the TV and wait for her to come out of the little hole she's buried herself in.

A year ago it would have annoyed me; a year ago I would have seen it as an insult that she wouldn't talk to me, that she wouldn't open up. Now I know it's just a matter of time and as long as I don't push her too hard that's exactly what she'll do. What she's _always_ been ready to do, open up to me and tell me how she's feeling.

She'll just do it in her own good time.

But that's ok; I can wait. I can wait forever if I need to. But I know I won't have to, because she _will_ talk to me, because she _loves_ me and she _knows_ that I love her.

What else do we need?

.

_._

_._

**A/N – **OK so nothing more than a set up chapter really for the remaining ones. Not 100% with it, but it's better than the 6K I deleted on Thursday night. Perhaps I should go back to the drama...I'm sure things were easier to write when I was making them miserable...

...joke! (-:

Next up, get your glad rags on folks, if you've received that phone call from Katie that is. Invite only party you know...oh ok have an invite anyway; tell the bouncers Es sent you, I'll put you all on the list. I'm sure Katie won't mind. (-;

Es

MtfM – _Guerilla Writing Since 2010 (-;_


	34. Under A Blanket Of Stars

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent (which I still rue, OK I'll never be JK Rowling, but I'm pretty sure I could do a better job that Dan Brown...)

I certainly have nothing to do with Skins apart from a desire to write about their characters and an appreciation that the owners don't get all legalistic about it!

**Authors Note **– Skins Gen 3...No, can't contemplate it sorry, just can't be done. I shall think about the movie and lose myself in my gen 2 world, again.

Oh and by the way...ONE!

**Chapter 34 – Under a Blanket of Stars**

_Naomi_

_It's the sound of a blaring horn that assails my ears first; then the sound of voices, muffled as if underwater. I look around me at the faceless people, as they point and stare. I follow their fingers to the twisted lump of orange metal, barely recognisable for what it is._

_Our two wheeled magic carpet ride._

_As I frantically look around I can see a small figure, lying crumpled in front of the car, the car that's horn is shattering my ears, the one that stands atop her scooter like a victorious gladiator, it's victim dead before it. I stare at the small figure that I know so well; her bright red hair creeping out from under the orange helmet. Her face looks so peaceful she could almost be asleep, but I know she isn't...she can't be, not lying broken and twisted like that. This can't be happening...this can't be fucking happening, we were so fucking happy; everything was going so right for us._

_With legs that feel like they have been encased in concrete I try to push my way past the faceless people, calling out her name hoping to see her move, hoping to see some proof that she isn't dead. But they won't move, no matter what I do I can't get past this wall of people, can't get to see the girl I love. _

_Why are they doing this, why won't they let me be with her? _

_Punching and kicking I struggle as, as one they turn and begin to move away. I'm fighting against the current of people who are taking me away from her, taking me away from the girl I love, screaming out her name;_

"_Emily, Emily..._EMILY!"

I wake to find myself sat up in bed, soaked to the skin, her name on my lips the echo of my scream ringing in my ears. Within seconds her arms wrap around my shoulders, her lips press into my neck and her voice, husky and rough as it always is when she's woken suddenly, is whispering to me, trying to calm me down.

"Naomi, it's ok babe I'm here. Everything's ok, it was just another bad dream that's all. Just another bad dream."

I sat with my heart racing, tears pouring down my face as Emily, very much alive and well, pressed her head into my back and held me tight.

"What was it this time Naoms? Plane crash again?"

"Car crash, you'd been hit by a car on that scooter of yours."

She sighed, "Naomi, you've been like this since we went to see Cook; are you sure you're ok? I'm starting to get worried about you."

"I'm fine hun; I'm just having a bad time, too many things to think about. I guess I'm just worried that's all, it's just ending up in my dreams."

"I'm not going to leave you, you know?" she said, dragging me back down to the pillows and putting her head onto my shoulder. "You can tell those dragons of yours to stop rattling their cage. I'm not letting them out."

I relaxed a little; we had different interpretations on what my nightmares meant. I believed the stemmed from my deep seated fear of losing her. That it was my dragons having one final rattle at their cage trying to ruin everything, trying to con me that I'd suffer less pain in the long run if we simply went our separate ways.

She thought that it was a good thing, like her death in the dreams was symbolising the death of my worries about us, the death of my fears about her, and that I was finally ready to put the past behind me.

Whichever one of them is true, at least I'd been able to talk to her about what was happening and why I woke up screaming, what I thought was going on; and bless her she had listened to me and she hadn't just laughed it off. She did what she was doing now, held me tight and talked with me until the fear was gone.

"Feeling better?" She asked after an age of just sitting there holding on to each other.

I nodded and she reached up and kissed my forehead. "OK for me to turn out the light?"

I nodded again and hunkered down into my pillows. As the room descended into darkness once again, I felt Emily shift in bed before her arm wrapped around me once more and pulled my head into her chest. She'd never held me like this before, not lying in bed anyway. I'd always pull her to me, or she would burrow her head under my arm and snuggle herself into me. This time though it's my turn to burrow, my turn to have my hair stroked and my shoulders rubbed. My turn to be comforted.

I'd always tried to show the outside world that I was a cold, aloof bitch; even with Emily I tried to be the strong one, the tough one, the one that shrugged off things like they didn't matter. The truth is I want her to comfort me like this, need her to comfort me like this. It feels good, _she_ feels good; and for the first time in the days since we drove away from that prison _I_ feel good.

o+o+o

_Effy_

"Is everything set then?"

I nodded for the hundredth time today, it was kind of cute, but for the last three hours Katie has been bugging me about this fucking party.

"Everything's fine Kay, I've told you already. Keith has cleaned out the room, Thomas has organised the music, Panda has, god help us, done some decorations and everyone knows it's a secret. Stop worrying babe, it's all in hand."

"I'm supposed to worry Eff; this is my sisters going away party for fucks sake. I want it to be perfect for her."

Who would have thought that Katie Fitch would be a bundle of nerves over a party, the girl who punched a guest in the face at an event she was managing, the girl that loved making people suffer under her glare.

Still, it's nice that she cares, Emily deserves it, she really does. I only hope that she's pleased with everything that Katie's has done for her, I only hope that _my_ surprise present arrives and doesn't wreck everything she's planned because I will be in the shit if that happens.

We've taken the opportunity to walk to the pub, it's not that far from where we've met up and Katie was insisting on checking the arrangements one more time. It's nice, the sun is shining once again and we're able to spend some time together. The last few days have been pretty hectic, with Katie going into a party organiser overdrive. It seems we've not had a chance to just relax and be together so this nice stroll is a welcome change.

"What you thinking Eff?" She asked, and I realised I'd gone quiet again. She doesn't like me going all silent on her I've discovered, trouble is I've spent so much of my life not speaking that I still find it difficult to just make small talk.

"Nothing much," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. "Just enjoying the walk."

"Me too," she smiled back at me, "but then I can't decide if it's just the lovely day, or the company."

I squinted up into the cloudless blue sky and ignored her teasing. "Yeah, it is a lovely day isn't it?"

I got a squeal of disgust from her and a dig in the ribs. "Bitch, you know what it is I'm enjoying; we haven't spent much time together recently have we?"

"That's just what I was thinking about babe, still we'll have plenty of time once the party's done and those two are on that plane."

"Eff, I've been thinking about that...Gina and Kieran are planning to move back into Naomi's and they've asked..."

"You can stay with me Kay, I told your mother that's what we'd do so don't worry if they've asked you to move out."

She looked at me, blinking before sighing. "They've _asked_ if I want to move into their flat. _I_ was wondering if you wanted to split the rent. I'm not suggesting moving in together or anything, but, you know I thought..."

"Certainly worth thinking about Kay, I'd have to consider it carefully though, you know talk to your sister, find out what you're like as a roommate. You do have a reputation for being a bit scruffy you know."

The play fight lasted a couple of streets before she gave up. I'm not at all sure about this flat idea though, I'm not even sure if I want to stay in Bristol. I've signed up for Uni here, mainly because I didn't want to leave mum alone; but I wonder if what I really need is a complete break, somewhere fresh to start over.

"Anyway, I thought you were leaving to go and study in Manchester Katie; that was the plan wasn't it? Fashion and Design and all that arty stuff?"

"Scared I'm leaving you Eff?"

"Not really." _'Why don't I sound that convincing?'_

"Well I'm not going now, didn't get in, too much competition, not enough grade points. Besides, I've had a change in career plan and applied for something else, so it looks like I'm studying in Bristol."

"What are you planning to study babe?"

"Not telling Eff, a girls got to have some secrets...besides it might not come off so I'm going to keep it quiet until I know. But it is in Bristol so we could totally do the flat thing."

Interesting, but I'm not going to bite and there's no chance for her to respond because we've turned the corner into the grotty street that holds Cook's favourite boozer. I've been here many times, with him and with strangers, I don't know why I keep coming back; it's not a nice place at all.

"You know it's kind of fitting holding their going away party here Kay." I said as we let go of each other's hands and walked towards the door.

"Why?"

"I'm pretty sure they came here for their first date together. I saw them in here together doing the pub quiz a couple of weeks after Panda's party."

I had, I remember turning up with some random fuck and seeing them there; they didn't look like they were enjoying themselves at all. Naomi seemed locked in her typically conflicted mood; Emily seemed happy to be with her, but sad that it wasn't the together she really wanted. It was a shame, because I knew they wanted each other, I knew they'd be good together if they just pulled their fingers out.

As far as first dates went it looked like a pretty fucked up one, I didn't help, no Effy Stonem wisdom to impart right then. I had my own problems to deal with and two of them were sitting at the same table staring at me. Still at least I now have the chance to make things right. Give them a good memory to wipe away the old.

"Bitch, she told me that she was doing the pub quiz with you, Cook, Freddie, JJ and Panda. I thought about coming but she said you'd had to enter in advance and that it was limited to six people per team and it was all arranged."

I snorted at her and gestured at the dilapidated pub with its broken sign. "You believed that Keith would be that fucking organised? Bloody hell Kay when were you born, yesterday?"

"Yeah well, I wasn't _that_ interested in going and hanging out with you lot, I'd got a text from Danny and he called round after she fucked off and we had rather a good evening together." She looked at me eyes wide, "Shit, SHIT. Sorry Eff, I didn't mean..."

"It's ok Katie," I shot back, "Sounds like we both got laid that night then."

We toured the, thankfully now clean, back room in hurt silence, Panda had been in and had put up her decorations and the room was looking quite festive. Unlike the mood that had descended between Katie and I.

I guess neither of us like the idea of discussing our previous relationships at this time.

The sullen silence continued as we left Keith's and headed back to Naomi's. We'd arranged to meet the girls and go out for a quick drink together. It was supposed to be an early night tonight, tomorrow would be a very early start for all of us.

As we walked across the park towards their house I was gripped by the hand and stopped in my tracks.

"Effy this is fucking stupid, what are we doing?"

"I don't know Katie," I admitted gruffly, "What _are_ we doing?"

"Well correct me if I'm wrong here, but I think we're both acting like a pair of jealous fucking bitches that have no real reason to be angry with each other for things that we know happened in the past."

'_Fuck me!'_ I check quickly to see if the world is still on its axis, perhaps I should find out of the poles have switched. At least I can confirm that gravity is still working the same way it did a second ago.

I might be wrong, but did Katie, _my_ Katie; the girl that I have, in the past, described as having less emotional intelligence than a table; just give a totally accurate summation of what we've been playing at?.

What the hell is going on in my world?

"What? What's that fucking look for?" she asked, back on the defensive again.

"Nothing Kay," I said turning to face her and taking her hands, "Just, you're right. I was a cow and you didn't deserve it. I didn't have to mention that; I just got a bit upset when you mentioned Danny ok? I'm sorry."

Katie squeezed my hands in reply before wrapping me up in a hug. "Your forgiven Eff, I'm sorry for bringing Danny up, you just kind of shocked me with whole first date thing. I can't believe she lied to me like that."

"She's been lying to you and to herself for a long time Katie, I think the first time she ever admitted the truth was that night at the Caves, when we were selling weed, and even then it wasn't to you."

"Why do you think that was Eff? Was it just because I was a total bitch to her?"

I shrugged, "Probably babe, you weren't exactly supportive were you? Plus by all accounts you had made Naomi's life miserable as well. I think she was scared."

"She's a lot braver than people think though isn't she, my sister that is?"

I smiled at the hint of pride that appeared in her voice, for the first time since I've known her she actually sounded like a loving sister.

"She is Kay, you both are. You Fitches are strong and brave; she's just a little less obvious about it than you are."

"Are we ok then Eff?"

I stepped back from the hug and kissed her in reply, I didn't need to say anything else.

"So, you still going to be my roomie then, when we go to Uni?"

I thought about it, perhaps it would be a good idea. If we took different rooms it wouldn't be the same as moving in together so that pressure wouldn't be on us. Mum was still talking about going to live with Aldo in Italy, when she's sober enough to talk to him that is. Yeah, perhaps it could be a plan.

"I'll think about it Kay," I answered truthfully. "There is one condition though, _if_ I decide to flat share with you. I have to bring someone to share with me as well."

She looked at me, just a hint of the old suspicion in her eyes.

"Where I go, Pato goes with me. I'm not moving in unless he's got a place to stay too."

Katie smiled at me for the first time in hours. "Well of course Pato can come Eff, he's moving in with me anyway didn't you know. I've been seeing him behind your back. He's fabulous that giraffe, so undemanding but always there for you, you know? Great for cuddles late at night."

"You've been cheating on me with my giraffe, Katie that's so wrong." I pouted at her, giving her my best sullen and pissed off face. "I _so_ cannot believe that you would do that to me. You said you loved me, not my stuffed toy."

She threw her arms around my neck and gave me a quick kiss that ended up being not quite so quick; it was just beginning to get more interesting when we were disturbed by a loud voice from the upstairs window of the house.

"Oi Katiekins, when you've quite finished trying to shag my best mate in that park can you come in here and tell me what the fuck we're doing tomorrow?"

"Fucking blonde bitch, I'll fucking kill her."

"Not now Katie, let's at least get the party out of the way first. It'd be a shame to let all that hard work go to waste.

o+o+o

_Naomi_

"Naomi...babe it's time to get up."

I'm dragged, kicking and screaming from the best night's sleep I've had in days. No nightmare has disturbed me so far; perhaps one will come when I go back to sleep again, but I'm more than willing to take that risk.

I start to doze off again but I'm stirred by the wet warmth of her placing kisses on my cheek and neck, then across my shoulder and down my arm before working her way back up again. I can feel my heart starting to race as that familiar warmth begins to spread through my body from those warm wet kisses to its inevitable destination.

God, she knows just how to turn me on, I just wish she could pick her times better.

"Ems it's fucking early, please...let me sleep. I'd love nothing more than to make love to you right now, but I can't keep my eyes open."

The next thing I know is that the bed sheets have been ripped from me and a different voice, a more amused voice is speaking.

"Stop fucking about Naomi, Emily's let you have half an hour longer than you should have. Don't make us late for the launch or Katie will kick both of our arses."

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock; it blinked back at me, its numbers mocking my tired eyes. 4:45am; that's not even a real time. Not for me. Seven am, six thirty even and I'm up and awake and fine. But at four fucking forty five in the morning I'm not a happy camper. Especially when an overly excited, and far too bouncy, redhead has kept me awake until after midnight talking about how great this fucking balloon festival is going to be.

"Come on Naomi, it's time to get up. I know you don't want to go, but for me...please."

And there it is her last move in the game of getting me awake, the quiet pleading with the little break in her voice at the end. It's not fair; she knows I'm a sucker for it. Effy tells me that Katie's the queen manipulator, I know she's wrong. Emily Fitch is so much better at it than Katie could ever be, because she's so damned subtle.

When I look back at the first year at college, from that first moment I saw her sitting with the toxic twin on those bleachers she was manipulating me. All those looks, all the casual touches the invites to parties and clubs, everything. She manipulated me into this relationship from the moment she clapped eyes on me and probably long before. "I know you Naomi," she'd said to me. She bloody did as well, knew me better than I think I knew myself and nudged me until I had what she knew I wanted; her.

"OK, OK...I'm getting up Ems, you don't have to do that anymore," I drawled wearily at her. Rolling over in the bed I saw her sat there in her T-Shirt holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Gimme," I said reaching out my hands.

"Fuck off," she laughed back at me, her nose twitching as she did so, "get your own."

"I wasn't after your drink Emily Fitch," I said, half heartedly lunging at her causing her to jump off the bed, sloshing her coffee as she did so.

"Fucking hell...Naomi! Be careful babe this is hot."

"You started it hun, you're the one that got me all worked up, you must be hot too."

I didn't get chance to dodge the pillow that Katie threw from the doorway, it hit me full in the face causing the twins to burst into laughter at my shocked expression.

"I really didn't need to hear that Campbell, Jesus, can't you keep your mind off shagging for five minutes?"

"I bet you weren't telling Effy that last night Katie." I shot back watching her flush bright red.

"See, there's nothing bad about wanting the person you love is there? I just happen to want your sister, most of the time actually. So remind me, why _are_ you stood in our bedroom doorway interrupting my Emily time?"

"The showers free," she barked back obviously unimpressed, "and we're leaving in half an hour so you'd better make your '_Emily time'_ short and sweet because if I miss the balloon launch Campbell I will not be pleased."

With that she spun in her heels and headed back to their room, Effy winking at me as she followed. Emily stood there just tapping her foot and frowning at me.

"She started it."

Ems sighed and sat down on the bed, handing me the cup of coffee and waited until I took a long sip. It wasn't that hot, but it was hot enough to begin to wake me up. As I savoured the flavour she prodded me in the arm with a finger.

"Emily time?"

"Yeah well, it was the best I could come up with. I'm still half asleep. I'll do better when I've woken up."

"Nai, I'd much prefer it if you didn't, I know she's winding you up but could you try a bit harder? For me?"

She batted her eyelids at me causing me to frown. "That's not fair Fitch!"

"I know, but you will won't you. They've gone to a lot of trouble to sort this out, we should be grateful. Come on it'll be fun."

"Oh fuck it," I said putting down the coffee and getting up from the bed, "go on disappoint me."

"Don't be like that," was the simple sweet reply, "everything once."

Our eyes met and locked together, I always wondered if she could tell just how much I love her from a look, always suspected she did.

"I'm going for a shower then, before all the hot water is used up."

"So much for Emily time," I heard her mutter to herself as I walked out of the door, fortunately for her I wasn't finished yet. I grabbed the two towels that I'd draped over the banister last night and leaned my head back to see her pulling the duvet back onto the bed, her back to me.

"Nice view," I commented slyly as I watched her bend over to grab the pillow that had hit me in the face; she jumped, straightened and turned to face me, clutching the pillow in front of her.

"Well, what are you waiting for Fitch?" I said holding out a towel laden arm, "we haven't got much time to waste remember? Coming?"

She smirked at me and walked over to me,

"Well it would make sense I guess," she said slightly sheepishly. "You know to share a shower. Katie always uses too much hot water and if she has then there might not be enough for both you and me."

"Exactly my thought Ems; exactly my thought."

The fact that we had an electric shower that never ran out of hot water was probably not lost on either of us, but that that moment I don't think either of us cared.

o+o+o

_Emily_

Beautiful; absolutely beautiful.

I cannot describe to you what kind of a spectacle I've just seen. I thought the night glow Katie and I went to with mum, dad and James a couple of years ago was good. Thirty or forty balloons firing up to music as darkness fell, their colours shining in the flames of the gas heaters. I thought they looked like a string of bulbs in the field, the hand painted bulbs they sell in fancy shops for Christmas. The night glow was wonderful, but today was truly beautiful.

Katie and Effy had bundled us into a taxi and we'd driven to Ashton Court a large bag slung over Effy's shoulder. We'd arrived just before dawn and wandered into the spectators field next to the one that held the balloons, looking at the fabric that was scattered all over the grass next to the wicker baskets that would house the lucky people that got to ride. It was like staring at a giant patchwork quilt, cast in shades of grey in that weird light before dawn.

"Someone's excited." Naomi whispered to me as I stood leaning on the fence bouncing up and down. I turned to look at her, to tell her off for teasing me, but her eyes were shining with so much pleasure my comments turned to dust in my mouth.

"Someone's happy; what's with the grin. I thought you were going to hate this!"

"I probably am hun, but it doesn't mean I can't enjoy watching _you_ be happy does it?"

Quickly she turned me around and before I could protest at her rough handling I saw what she had noticed before I did. As the thin tendrils of light crept above the horizon I felt her slip her arms around my waist and press herself into my back. We stood there, just happy together watching the rising sun until finally, after what felt like hours, Effy called to us.

I turned to see her and my sister standing off to the left, their fingers entwined, and smiles on their faces. They had obviously been doing exactly what we had been doing, enjoying the sunrise together.

"Guys, could we borrow you for a second?" Effy said, gesturing us to join them. "Katie and I wanted to make this a bit special, as it's the last time we're likely to do anything before you both leave so we've brought a bit of a picnic. Would you give us a hand setting things up?"

"Of course not, shit...guys you didn't have to go to any trouble. It's nice just to come out with you." I said, running over to give each of them a hug.

"Will you get off me Ems, seriously do not make me drop this bag or there will be trouble."

Katie did her very best 'I'm annoyed at you' look, but it didn't take long to disappear as I stood and laughed at her. "Shut up Emily; give me a hand with this."

She dragged out a couple of blankets from the bag and threw one at Naomi. As Katie offered me a corner of the blanket she was holding I couldn't help blurting out, "where the fuck did you get this from?"

"Your fucking washing pile, where do you think? Why?"

Looked at the familiar brown and grey blanket complete with its spliff burn and glanced across at Naomi. She looked back at me and smiled.

"Here Katie, I don't like this one," she said throwing the blue check travellers rug back at her. "I think me and Ems will take this one thanks." Quickly we flung it onto the grass and pulled out the corners

"Fucks sake lezzer, what's the big fucking deal?" Katie retorted, obviously forgetting the whole nice double date vibe we were supposed to be achieving.

"This is our blanket Kay," I answered laying down and staring at the sky, "we like this blanket."

"Speak for yourself hun," Naomi said, lying down next to me and putting her arm across my stomach. "I for one fucking love this blanket. We'd better put it on the list to pack, there's no way we're leaving it at home."

Katie just looked from me to Naomi with confusion painted all over her face. Suddenly Effy appeared in my eye line behind her; she wrapped her slender arms around my sister's shoulders and leant down to whisper in her ear, finishing with an affectionate nip on her lobe. Katie just blushed and vanished from my sight, I heard a gentle chuckle and felt the breeze as the other blanket was flicked out and laid on the ground.

"Have you been telling tales out of school again Campbell?" I asked the blonde who had rolled over and slid alongside me. I grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles one my one, examining their whiteness as she gripped my hand.

"Not me hun, totally innocent. Did you let it slip?" I shook my head, "Then how does she know?"

"Told you before Naomi, doesn't take a genius."

I haven't got a fucking clue what Effy's talking about, but they seem amused by it. At least I can see Naoms laughing silently out of the corner of my eye.

"Making you feel good yet Campbell?"

"Absolutely. What about you Stonem?"

"Is now."

I felt her hand tighten around mine again; I turned my head to look at the blonde next to me, her light hair positively shining in dawn's mystical light. She's smiling with an unshed tear in the corner of her eye.

"Good Eff, that's good mate."

"Yeah."

We lay there in silence for a few minutes; I'm staring at clouds as they scamper through the pale glowing sky. I can hear voices from all around me as the field begins to fill with more people arriving to watch the balloons set off. Soon I heard the sound of gas burners being ignited and I sit up excitedly.

"Guy's it's starting, some of them are being inflated already,"

'"_Being inflated," fucks sake Emily try and be a bit cool. You've made them sound like JJ doing his party trick, making animals out of blown up condoms.'_

I felt hot breath on the back of my neck and goosebumps stand up on my arms as Naomi slides her arms around me and puts her head on my shoulder.

"Happy Ems?"

"Happy Nai."

"Good."

o+o+o

The balloon mass ascent was everything I'd hoped it would be and probably more. We sat in the weak morning sun, and watched as balloon after balloon rose into the air ready for the launch. There must have been sixty or seventy balloons in that field and when they were all inflated it was an awesome sight. The horizon was filled with different colours and though most of the balloons were the traditional light bulb shape, albeit decorated with advertising banners and company names, here and there was something a bit special.

"Look Eff, a fucking Ikea store," shouted Katie excitedly for some strange reason.

"Mum probably paid for it," Eff replied moodily.

"Do you have any idea what those companies could do for the underprivileged with what these things co..." Naomi started; I cut her off quickly before she could really get going.

"Look Naoms that one's a Dragon."

She stopped talking and I felt, rather than saw, her head turn to follow where I'm pointing. She snorted and kissed my neck.

"That's the Monster job board balloon hun; it's not a Dragon, close though, well done."

I elbowed her as we stood laughing; activist Naomi neatly diverted. Protest ended, fun preserved, job done.

Soon the balloons were all inflated and straining at their tethers. The field reverberated to the sound of flames and gas burners as they all fired up.

"Now that sounds like Dragons hun," she whispered to me.

"Well tell them to shut up," I whispered back. "They're not welcome today your Dragons."

"I think they're sleeping love, like I should be."

I was about to elbow her again when I heard a loud pop and swung my head around to see Katie pouring what liked like sparkling wine into a set of glasses.

"Come on you two, grab a glass," She said handing them to us as we slid closer to them.

"Right," she said, "I believe a toast is in order so I'll do the honours before these balloons go up. To the future."

"The future," we said clinking, or rather clunking, our plastic champagne flutes together and each taking a sip.

"Ems," Naomi said next to me. I turned around to see her holding her glass up to me. "To _our_ future?"

I clinked our flutes immediately, "To _our_ future babe, definitely." We stared into each other's eyes as we took a sip of what had turned out to be a rather nice champagne, rather than the cheap fizzy plonk we were used to.

As we drained our glasses we laid them to one side and embraced, kissed, hugged, and kissed again before breaking apart finally and returning our attention to the others. Effy was watching us with that enigmatic smile on her face; Katie was digging around in the bag they'd bought.

"So who wants some breakfast?" she said as packet began to appear on the blanket. "We've got Strawberries and cream to go with the champagne, some pain au chocolat but that's about it. Shame 'cause I'm fucking starving now."

"Not a problem Katiekins," Naomi replied, "strawberries and champagne sound like a good start. Besides, there's food stalls over there, we can go and buy overpriced, overcooked and overly greasy food there if we're desperate."

"Sounds fucking fantastic," I supplied, butting into their conversation, "I could murder a sausage sandwich."

o+o+o

I didn't get my sausage sandwich, well not until later anyway. I did get fed strawberries, and I got to discover that Effy is far more cultured than we realised as she took our glasses, squished a couple of strawberries in the base with a plastic spoon before topping them up with the last of the booze.

"Give it a minute Kay," she said, holding back Katie's hand as she went to lift the glass to her lips. "Trust me; it'll be nice now, but fucking miraculous in a minute."

We all waited with the glasses in our hands watching the colour of the champagne change colour from white, to pale pink to a very light red.

"It's ready now ladies," she finally announced and we raised our glasses, before we could take a sip Naomi had pushed her glass into the centre of our group.

"Family, friends and loved ones," she offered as a toast. We readily concurred, it covered all of us.

"Almost as good as a strawberry slushie Ems," Naomi said licking her lips after taking a sip of her drink.

"Very close." I'd agreed. "We'll take you when we get back," I said to Effy and Katie who were looking on in interest. "When you come and stay with us in London next year."

"US?"

I looked up at Naomi who was looking at me with wild eyes and horror on her face.

"I…well…I thought..."

"Emily, I thought we'd be doing Uni separately, seeing as we're studying in different places. You know getting the full University experience, halls, new friends, meeting up at weekends and evenings out; you know…being together, but apart."

A deathly silence settled over the four of us at her words, I could see Katie looking at us, her eyes flicking from me to Naomi and back again. It reminded me of that night in the shed, the night she told me how much she loved me. As I stared into Naomi's eyes, I couldn't believe that she'd said what she had. I thought we'd come back from our trip and move into university life together, find somewhere to live together, as a couple and begin our future _together_, not _'together but apart'_.

I'm pretty sure my heart is about to break all over again at the thought of it when she winked at me, she fucking winked at me and smiled.

"Oh Ems honey, you are so fucking gullible sometimes you know?"

"You fucking _bitch_," I shouted at her, throwing myself across the rug at her as the relief poured out of me at her words. I pinned her down to the rug by sitting on her and I began slapping at her repeatedly. "You totally had me worried then Naoms, you cow."

I could hear Katie and Effy laughing at us in the background, it might be funny but I'm still pissed off at her for scaring me like that.

"Consider it payback for this morning hun," she'd said through her giggles as she vainly tried to defend herself, "keeping me up till all hours and then teasing me awake like that."

"It wasn't funny Naoms."

"It so was Ems, your face was priceless."

With a heft of her long legs she pushes me off her and I land sprawling, straddling her face with my thighs in what must look like a seriously compromising position, my loose skirt falling over her shoulders and face.

"Jesus Emily, sex in public, what kind of a pervert are you?"

"Wouldn't be the first time," I heard muffled from underneath me as I regained my balance and climbed off her, but not before she'd run a wet tongue down the inside of my thigh causing me to blush wildly and yell at Katie, a little more harshly than I'd intended, to fuck off.

"Give me a hand Fitchy," she said holding out a hand and I hauled her back into a sitting position. "Are you going to stop beating me up now?"

"Are you going to stop trying to wind me up? This is supposed to be a nice date."

She smiled at me and held out her arms; forgiving her in an instant, I slid over and allowed her to wrap them around me. "It _is_ a nice date Emily Fitch, it's always a nice date when you're with me. Can we stop fighting and watch these bloody balloons then?"

"We can," I said, in a bit. I need to do something first."

"What's that hun, grab a sausage sandwich?"

"No…this." I pushed her down onto the rug and straddled her again, her hands coming up to my shoulders pulling me down as I kissed her like we'd kissed in our garden before our row, like we'd kissed so many times at the lake and like we'd kissed on that mad, wonderful, awesome bouncy castle so long ago.

"Jesus guys, get a room or something if you don't want to watch the launch. They're about to set off.

With one last kiss I climbed off Naomi, pulling her to her feet as I climbed to my own. I dragged her to the small fence and stood excitedly to watch the mass release. Once again we stood towards the rising sun, Naomi pressed into my back, her arms wrapped around me. I can feel my sister's presence next to us and glance sideways to see her and Effy stood together, doing the same.

_Beautiful; absolutely beautiful._

With a whistle in the distance as a signal the balloons began to lift, one by one and in groups, into the beautiful blue sky, it's a spectacle I'll never forget for as long as I live, but it's not just the balloons. It's the balloons and the daybreak and how I feel; it's about her and them and how happy I am right at this moment. It's beautiful; absolutely beautiful.

I can't describe it any other way.

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Well it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it's still not my kind of thing, but I'll put up with it for Emily's sake. I'll do pretty much anything for her, even if I did try to remind her I can still bite today.

We'd had a pretty good morning all in all. The balloons were ok, breakfast was interesting and I didn't even mind the shopping trip too much, well not at first anyway; at least I was with Ems. I'm seriously flagging now however; late nights and early starts do not make me an entertaining companion. In fact it they me a "miserable fucking bitch" as Katie has repeatedly pointed out to me as we hit shop after shop after fucking shop.

I fucking hate shopping, most of all I think I hate shopping with Katie Fitch. She's like some kind of shopping whirlwind and can't leave a store without having to try at least ten different outfits. I've got everything I need within the first couple of shops…I don't think she's bought a thing. I'm tired, bored and getting grumpy; finally, even Emily is calling for a break.

We found ourselves in one of those fucking awful designer boutiques, you know the type all neon signs, all style, no practicality. Katie has just tried on her thousandth outfit of the morning and even Effy is finding it hard to sound encouraging about how she looks. Fortunately there's a small café next door and we've decided to stop for something to eat and I gratefully take my chance to sit down because I feel like I've been on my feet for fucking days not hours. As I bite down on the sandwich Ems brought over for me, my phone starts ringing in my bag.

"Fucks sake," I muttered forcing down the half chewed cheese and bread as I dragged my mobile from out of its pocket. "Hi Mum, what do you want?"

"Well hello to you as well."

"Sorry mum, I was trying to eat something, we've been to that balloon launch and I'm starving."

"Well don't eat too much love, Kieran and I are taking you and Emily shopping this afternoon and then we're going for a nice meal…and before you say anything I won't take no for an answer. We'll pick you up from the house at four, see you then."

Unusually for mum she just hung up, probably before I could protest. I looked at my watch, it was a little after eleven, _'Jesus'_. I gave Ems a nudge.

"Hun, mum wants to take us fucking shopping, _again_, and out for a meal later. If it's ok with you I'm going to head home and take a nap. I don't think I can manage an evening out unless I get some more sleep."

"Mmmpf," she said before hastily swallowing the mouthful of sausage toastie she'd bitten off as I spoke. "Sounds like a plan hun, I think I could do with a nap as well. Did she say where we going for food? I hope we can go back to Sands I loved the dessert there."

As she said that I flinched as her free hand found my thigh, I glanced across at her and she gave me a tired smile. I just shrugged, "I have no idea where we might be going, she didn't say. She just hung up on me before I could say no."

I looked across at the two girls sat with us, "Do you mind guys? I know this was supposed to be a big shopping day, but I'm knackered."

Effy smirked at me, "Don't lie Naomi, you're just looking for an excuse to get Emily back in bed."

"Like I need an excuse," I snorted back, "Emily honey, want go home and make out?"

"Sounds lovely," she said winking back at me.

"See; don't need an excuse, just need to ask. Anyway, do you guys mind if we do slope off?"

"I don't," Eff replied looking at Katie who shook her head, "Sounds like a good idea; it was an early start this morning. We can split a cab back if you want, save waiting for a bus and having to walk. You coming Katie, you want to go home and make out."

I watched her carefully as she turned to look at Effy, I'm waiting for the explosion but Katie just smiled at her, "Sounds lovely," she replied winking and sticking her tongue out at her sister and me.

We finished the sandwiches, most of us sensibly leaving the coffee behind. Most of us being everyone but bloody Katie.

"I fucking paid for it, I'm going to drink it," she muttered as she drained her mug when we got up to leave.

"Actually _I_ paid for it Katie," Emily replied, "and you _could_ have left it you know."

"Hmmm," I added, wrapping my arm around my girls shoulder, "You're going to regret that later Katie, Caramel Macchiato's and afternoon naps don't usually go together."

I know all about coffee and its perils. When you drank and smoked weed as much as I did on the run up to exams, you need something to keep you going into the night when you were revising, and something to sober you up in the mornings when you aren't. Sleep really wasn't my friend back then. Emily thinks she can drink coffee, back then I was fucking hardcore. I'm pretty sure some days I measured my consumption in litres, not cups.

Katie just glared at me, "I'll be fine, thank you Naomi," her voice dripping with poisoned honey. "Can we go home now? I'm going to need my beauty sleep as Effy is taking me dancing tonight."

"I am?" she answered surprised.

"You are," Katie replied linking their fingers together and walking away. Ems and I shared a look and started laughing.

"Are you two coming then?" Katie's voice drifted back towards us.

"I'm not, but I soon will be," Emily said softly, the extra sultry, deliberately seductive voice she used sending a shiver down my spine.

"Oh really?" I asked, trying to act like nothing was different, like she'd just made a simple statement rather than an earth shattering pronouncement. "News to me."

"You asked if I wanted to go home and make out babe, I call that a promise. Now take a sip of that coffee, I wouldn't want you falling asleep on me."

'_Coffee or no coffee, there's not much chance of that.'_

o+o+o

_Katie_

"Come _on_ Eff, we'll be _late_."

"Fucking hell Katie, Its not even six yet, they aren't going to be ready until after eight at the earliest. Take a breather."

I'm only slightly fuming, ok so it's not her fault we're actually late, so she was actually dressed and sorted in minutes, unfortunately it takes time to create my levels of perfection and so we're running a bit late. Doesn't mean she can't get a hurry on though. _'Fucks sake'_

But I pause and I wait and I tut at her, shaking my head and glancing at my watch as she strolls around the corner of the street to where I stood. She simply looked up and fixed me with a look like steel.

"Don't tut me Kay, not ever yeah? I'm not Emily and I'm not your replacement doormat; so don't even start that shit with me ok?"

Jesus, I guess I've just overstepped whatever line Effy had drawn for my antics. Somehow I knew this would happen one day, I always have to push things, always try to see how far I can control someone. I guess the answer I've just discovered about my relationship with Effy is it's not very far. Part of me wants to flare up, be the Katie fucking Fitch of old and shout right back at her. Most of me wants to simply apologise and get her to forgive me.

Part of me thinks that I would have been better off if I hadn't woken up in her bed that morning, but I know that's just bullshit. I know what I have to do.

"Eff, we're supposed to be faking a domestic today, not actually having one. I'm sorry ok? I just want this to go well. I don't want to fuck this up for them."

She stood staring at me before taking out a cigarette, lighting it and offering me the pack.

"I don't smoke Eff, remember?"

"I remember you smoking Katie; the last time you were angry and upset and worried. I remember telling you to breathe from here."

She put her hand onto my chest, palm flat, I can't help but take a breath in at her touch, mimicking the one I took when she tried to teach me to smoke.

"Well I don't smoke anymore, and neither should you."

I carefully removed the white stick from her mouth and threw it into the gutter before cupping her face in my hands and leaning in.

"What you _should_ do is kiss me Eff; I'm sorry babe, really. I know I'm a bitch sometimes I just can't help myself."

She bent her head and touched her lips to mine, "Then try for me Kay, I've been through enough recently ok, please don't fuck me over."

Her voice was so quiet I could barely hear her; it was as if I was listening to her thoughts not her words. Perhaps I was, perhaps spending so much time with her had made me fucking psychic as well. I knew I was wrong when she pulled her lips away from mine and muttered one word, this time I could see it clearly, watched her lips move as she said one word that nearly broke my heart.

"Please."

"I'll try my hardest babe, I really will. I can't promise though, I'm not perfect."

"I don't need to do anything but try Kay, I really don't. I love you, but you can't treat me like crap babe, I've had too much of that in my life."

"I'll try, I'll try really hard Eff, I love you too."

o+o+o

We'd kissed and made up on the corner of that street, only pausing to give the finger to a bunch of chavs in a Corsa that had skidded to a standstill on the road next to us, honking their horn and jeering through the windows.

"Fancy a threesome?" yelled the passenger, a particularly spotty excuse for a human being.

"No thanks, I don't want leprosy you crater faced twat."

"Fuck you dyke!" He'd shouted back, I'd gone to reply but Effy pulled me back and kissed me again, pausing only to send them on their way.

"In your dreams tosser, only ever in your dreams."

She grabbed hold of my hand and led me away, their puerile comments lost in a mental fog. She'd forgiven me for being a twat, and life was good again.

The bus ride into Fishponds was better than I'd expected it to be, this time there were no old biddy's to sneer at us as we sat arm in arm discussing our plans for the night. Before we knew it we'd hit our stop and were walking down the street of terraced houses on the short journey to the pub.

We bustled past the regulars and into the back room where we found Keith pulling a trolley with some cases of beer and a box of crisps loaded on it towards the small bar.

"Good evening to you lovely ladies." He said, wiping the copious amounts of sweat from his forearm with the sleeve of a shirt that looked like it hadn't seen the washing machine in the twenty years he'd owned it.

"Everything sorted Keith?" Effy asked with a bored drawl as he eyed her up and down.

"Yeah, there's some bloke out back that claims he knows you, has some stuff with him. Fucking big black guy, talks funny. Not as funny as that bird that's with him though. She's got grea..."

"Yeah thanks we'll sort it." I interrupted not wanting to listen to his foul ramblings any more. Cook's uncle was without a doubt the most disgusting person I'd met since Cook himself. They were definitely related, no doubt about that.

Leaving him to his grunting as he offloaded his trolley we went out through the back door to see Thomas and Pandora stood in the small alleyway unloading a car.

"Hiya Eff, Katie, mum lent me the car, wacker yeah? Thommo here has got some tunes for the party, got turntables and everything. He's totally gonna rip it up tonight aren't you Thommo?"

Thomas stood up and smiled, "That is right Panda, we will make this night special for them yes?"

"Thanks Thomas, I appreciate you doing this for us."

"It is my pleasure Katie, you were very helpful trying to get me and Panda back together."

"Yeah, but no more French lessons yeah Katie, it was proper wrong hearing Thommo talk to you about your nipples?"

I caught Effy's eye, a faint smile on her lips. For one second I was thankful that we'd agreed to keep it low key whilst we were out tonight, very low key in fact. Back to just being friends for the evening, in public anyway. She'd suggested it actually, saying that I'd feel more comfortable and enjoy myself more and that we shouldn't do anything that would take the evening away from Emily and Naomi.

Curiously I found that I wasn't bothered about the first and was more bothered about the second. It was fucking weird; but at least it saved me from the inevitable ribbing I was about to get from Eff. She seemed to find the idea of Thomas and I talking about my nipples in French rather amusing.

I smiled and nodded at Panda. "Come on then, let's get this stuff inside and set up, sooner we get that done the sooner we can get this party started right?"

We all helped Thomas drag his borrowed equipment from the car and set it up in the corner of the room, on the raised platform that served as a stage on other side of the wooden dance floor to the bar. Within an hour we were up and running and the darkened room was kicking to some loud music and flashing lights as Thomas checked the sound levels.

"They're not going to know what hit them next door," I shouted to Eff as we stood by the bar waiting for Keith to drag his arse around and get us some drinks. "Probably the most life this place has ever seen." She simply nodded back.

The room was starting to fill now with people of all ages as friends and family began to drift in; the atmosphere was really starting to build. Eff and I grabbed our drinks and began to mingle, saying hello to people we knew and introducing each other to our friends.

To be honest I was getting sick of saying, "a friend from college," and being referred to as the same. It was winding me up because I wanted to tell them all, but I wasn't going to spoil the night for anyone. Least of all us.

At five past eight people my phone buzzed away at me and my hands went clammy. I took a look at the message, it was time. I ran across the room and grabbed Effy who was talking to a group of people I'd never met.

"Katie come and meet Siobhan and her friends, they're mates of Naomi."

"Hi," I said quickly, "Look sorry I need to borrow Effy, Gina's just texted we need to get them here."

"Right," she said, "excuse me guys, we need to give them a reason to come here for the party."

I dragged her outside into the dark alley and before I could grab my phone I found myself pushed up against the wall.

"Kind of cool this secret thing isn't it?" she said kissing me, pinning my hands annoyingly to my sides. "Frustrating, but sexy as hell."

"I don't know how," I said kissing her back, "you can think that. It's fucking killing me."

It was as well. I'd got so used to just being with her, being a couple wherever we were, that having to hide away was almost painful.

"You ready to do this babe?" she asked as we pulled apart.

"Yeah, let's go shit them up."

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Emily doesn't like Kieran's car, I can tell by the looks she keeps giving him as she gets thrown around. I rather like it because it gives me an excuse to pull her into me and hold her tight.

Purely for safety reasons of course; he really should get that seat belt fixed, or even better buy a new fucking car.

We've had a good evening, we didn't go to the Lebanese, but we had hit one of the local gastro-pubs and we'd had a decent meal and a few drinks and were happily heading home when her phone went off.

"Hi Katie…what's the matter?"

She scuttled away from me to the other side of the car and started speaking into the phone, her finger in one ear to cut out the background noise of Kieran and my mother singing along to some weird folk track. I was attempting to listen in when my phone buzzed me with an incoming text.

'_can we meet? Katie and I hve jst hd a big row. Nd to tlk to sm1'_

'_Fucks sake'_ I knew it had to happen one day; I'd just hoped it would happen when we were away so we didn't get dragged into it. I guess I know why Katie rang Ems now. Probably looking for someone to bitch to; sighing I replied quickly

'_Sure Eff, where r u.'_

It didn't take long for the reply to arrive, just one word but I knew where she meant.

'_Keith's' _

I waited for Emily to put down her phone, swearing as she did so, before looking at her ruefully.

"Ems, Effy wants me to meet her, do you mind?" She scowled back at me,

"No I don't mind, bloody Katie wants to see me as well, they've had a fucking big row and she's pretty upset about it."

"Where's Katie now, at home?"

"No she's apparently at Keith's pub, sounds like she's planning to drink the fucking bar dry."

I put out my arms and she slid back into them, I kissed her head and squeezed her shoulders before shouting at Kieran, getting his attention over the music he was playing.

"Kieran, can you drop us off in Fishponds? We need to stop off before we go home."

"Yeah sure, where do you want to be dropped off?"

I told him where the nearest main road to the pub was and sat back with Ems who was still fuming away.

"What's up hun?"

"Fucking Katie, she organises that balloon festival and we have a really good day, then she has to fucking ruin it with her fucking domestic issues. It's not fucking fair; I was looking forward to a nice evening at home."

"Babe?" I said, waiting until she twisted and looked up at me. I ran my hand over her forehead, stroking down her hair. "They did their best to fix us remember, I guess it's the least we can do to return the favour."

Her eyes softened as I spoke, my words obviously hitting home. I felt her shoulders relax under me. "There you go, see? We'll patch _them_ up for a change and then we'll have a few drinks and head home. It'll be fine, trust me."

o+o+o

Ten, bone-jarring minutes later we're pulling up at the end of the street that leads to the pub. After a quick set of goodbyes and promises to call later we're walking hand in hand past the familiar houses.

"You remember the first time we came here?" Ems asked with a smile.

"I remember Cook being a twat and eating that cake you made." She chuckled at that, "It was a good save Ems, I can't tell you how much I appreciated it."

"Well he _was_ being a total fucking shit to you, so was Katie."

"Yeah, but he's a good mate you know? He's just a prick when he's trying to act the big man in front of people. I remember the second time we came here as well."

"Yeah," she laughed, "Worst date ever."

"Hey, it wasn't a date."

It wasn't, was it? We'd just gone to a bloody pub quiz, that doesn't qualify as a real date. I'd never thought of it as a real date anyway, had I? No, it was definitely _not_ a real date.

"So _was_ a date Naoms, you definitely asked me out."

"Whatever," I replied glibly, standing in front of the grotty, red door, marked with footprints where people had, presumably, kicked at it in a drunken rage. "You ready to do this?"

Ems sighed, squeezing my fingers, "Yeah, let's got fix them."

We walked into the pub, and looked around; there was no sign of either of them. Ems checked the toilets and came back shaking her head.

"Not in there babe, either of them; if they've fucked off I won't be happy."

"Oi Keith," I shouted at the repulsive fat reptile that stood behind the bar. Have you seen her sister?" I waved my hand towards Emily as his face looked at me in confusion.

"Oh her." He replied pulling a face, "she's next door with that other girl, they haven't stopped shouting since they got in here, I had to get them out of the bar, they were disturbing my regulars."

He gestured at the grotty drop-outs that frequented the pub; most of them looked like they wouldn't get disturbed if you hit them with a stool. More than a few looked like they already had been.

"Hang on a second, I'll go unlock that door and let you in."

He disappeared from the bar and a figure appeared in the glass of the door he'd pointed at.

Pushing past into the dull room, we were suddenly assailed by bright lights and a cacophony of noise.

"SURPRISE!"

It took me a few seconds to recover from the shock, and judging by the fact that I now had at least four broken fingers Emily had been as shocked as I was. I looked around the room to see lots of faces, some familiar some not. The remaining members of the gang were here, JJ and Panda and Thomas, but my eyes were drawn to Katie and Effy stood right in front of us, big grins on their faces, stood right next to mum and Kieran.

"Got you." Effy mouthed at me over the hubbub of conversation that had started as people began wishing us well. She fucking had as well.

"We thought we'd throw you a leaving party, mum said, leaning over to give us both a hug. "Katherine's idea actually."

"I'll fucking kill her," Emily said without any real conviction, "I was really worried about her."

"You're not killing anyone love," mum said firmly, grabbing her by the shoulders and kissing her head. "You're going to give her a hug, thank her for the party and enjoy yourselves." and that was that.

We found drinks being pushed into our hands and we were dragged around the room by different people anxious to say hello, or was that goodbye? The lights dimmed again and the music started pumping out of the speakers. After about an hour of the meet and greet, the music stopped again and I clearly heard Katie's voice over the speakers. She didn't really need a microphone, but she looked fucking happy to hold onto it and be the centre of attention.

"Emily, Naomi…where are you? Can you come up here please?" She stood on her tiptoes looking over the heads of the crowd. I tried to duck back down and hide, but felt hands propelling me forwards and before I knew it I was pushed into the open space in front of her by someone that was supposed to be my friend.

"Thanks Eff," I hissed at her as she passed me and stood to the side. I felt an arm slip around me and knew that Emily had arrived as well.

"Right, all of you know why we're here, but I'll remind everyone because these two don't. We're all aware Emily and Naomi only have a couple of days left in Bristol before they leave on the adventure of a lifetime and we wanted to send them off properly with a proper party. I have to say I'm fucking jealous because not only are they going travelling the world, but they're going to do it together and that's probably going to mean more to them than everywhere they'll visit.

Before you go guys, I have a couple of things I want to say."

"Just for a change," I add sarcastically getting a laugh from everyone that knew her. Katie just gave me her best sarcastic smile and continued.

"Naomi, I want to take this opportunity to remind you that Emily is my sister and you had better bring her back to me safely and in one piece. Because if you don't, well…"

She paused and gave me her evil smile; I flipped her off, getting more laughs. She must hate me right now for stealing her moment. She ignored me and turned her attention onto her sister.

"Emily, do remember I'm still around, don't forget about me and drop me a line now and again to let me know you're ok. I'm going to miss you sis, I love you; even if you don't have any taste, especially in women."

That got her a laugh and she gave me the finger. Well I guess we're even now.

"Now I've been told by Gina it is traditional to propose a toast at things like this so I offer you this one. Emily and Naomi…_bon voyage_."

As the rest of the room shouted back her toast she stepped down from the raised platform and walked up to me and handed me the microphone.

"Your turn."

'_Bitch!'_

As everyone in the room looked at me expectantly, including my girlfriend who'd took a careful step away from me. I sighed and stepped up to regard the crowd. There were quite a lot of people here. I assumed most of them were friends of Emily or Katie but there were a few faces I knew, members of family, old mates from college and a couple of people I'd met through mum's protesting. I hadn't seen many of them for ages, far too long actually, and it had been good to catch up with them before we left. Looking at them all I took a deep breath and began.

"Well I'm not accustomed to public speaking…"

"Unless you've got a megaphone." My old friend Siobhan shouted from the bar.

"...unless I've got a megaphone," I conceded graciously. "But I will make an attempt here seeing as I appear to have no choice but to speak for the both of us."

I glared down at Emily who just smiled and batted her eyelashes at me.

"I think _we_, Ems and I that is, should thank Katie, Effy and mum for organising this little shindig, and _I_ should say thanks a fucking bunch for making it a surprise. You guys know how much I hate surprises. I hope you're all feeling very pleased with yourselves right now. Especially for embarrassing me like this."

Katie waved at me from her position next to Emily and gave me a thumbs up. Cheeky bitch, I will make her regret this, one day I will get her back.

"So, thanks for all the good wishes; I'm sure you'll all be very relieved that I'll be out of contact for most of the next year. I'm sure those of you that know me will be glad of the peace and quiet."

"So will the police," I was heckled again.

"Yeah, that's probably true as well, though I'm sure mum and her mates will more than make up for that. Can you hold off your airport protests until we're out of the country though please? I don't want to miss my flight.

Anyway, I've talked enough; this is supposed to be a party. So before Emily accuses me of having 'I don't ever want to shut my mouthism' again I'll do just that. Thanks to everyone for coming, thanks to you guys for organising it. Now will someone get me a fucking drink and turn the music back on, please?"

Quickly I handed the microphone back to Thomas and stepped down from the makeshift stage and into Emily's arms.

"Nice speech; short, but entertaining."

"Yeah well, you should have joined me if you wanted to add anything to it."

"Only that I love you," she said as Thomas cranked up the volume and we were lost in a kaleidoscope of flashing lights and thumping baselines.

"I know."

o+o+o

As everyone drank and danced the night away I took the opportunity of a moment of peace to slip out of the back door and into the alleyway for a smoke. As I closed the door behind me I saw two people jump apart like they'd been scalded.

"Hi guys, not enjoying the party?" I asked the two lovebirds.

"Nah just wanted a bit of time together," Effy replied taking a cigarette out of my pack and pinching my lighter. "No Emily?"

"Nope, she's been collared by her Aunt again. She'll be out in a minute I guess, once she's realised I've wandered off. Why are you two being so coy around each other in there, you still keeping things secret?"

"Sort of, but we thought having everyone gossip about us would ruin your night, so Effy and I decided to play it cool."

"Harder than you think isn't it? Pretending that you don't care for someone." I said nodding at their entwined hands, "You should try doing it for years, it fucking hurts." I took a long drag from my cigarette to distract me from that train of thought.

"Look guys I severely doubt Emily would give a toss if you two behaved normally in their and I certainly don't. But I understand if you don't want to come out publicly in this shithole."

"You did, didn't you? Effy said that you and Emily had your first date here."

Fortunately I didn't have to answer that as the door opened again and I smiled as they separated again.

"Naoms you out here?" Emily appeared at the doorway, her head poking around it as she looked for me. "Ah I thought you'd be here," she said closing the door. "What's up? Hey guys." She added as she saw the others.

"Just having a fag and discussing our coming out with these two. Effy seems to think that this is where we came out."

"First date yeah, but I think the whole Love Ball thing was the coming out party."

"It wasn't a date," I protested weakly for the second time tonight, "it was a pub quiz, pub quizzes don't count as dates. It was just a laugh." I don't think I was fooling anyone, including myself. The three of them just laughed at me until, grudgingly, I joined in.

"Ok, so it was a date, leave me alone."

We stood together, enjoying the moment before Emily spoke again, "Thanks for doing this guys, it's really nice of you to give us a send off like this. It's been a great day."

"You're worth it sis, even if you are a badly dressed pain in the arse most of the time. I meant it though. I'm going to miss you."

Effy and I were left for dead as the twins rushed over and hugged one another. I have to say it was a nice sight. It struck me that Katie had grown up a lot since the time before the Love Ball. She'd accepted her sisters individuality and I think they'd found a better relationship because of it. They were no longer _just_ twins; they were individuals; but individuals enhanced by the fact that they _were_ twins, and the bond they shared was closer and more powerful than ever before.

We looked on as they hugged, tears pouring down their faces. Eventually tossing my cigarette away I turned to Effy, "You think we should give them a minute?"

She nodded and we were about to walk away when we heard a familiar voice shouting down the passageway.

"Katie, Emily!"

We both stepped back as our girls turned to look at the approaching Jenna Fitch. I moved to stop her but Effy put out her hand.

"I'll deal with this."

She stepped in front of her and stopped her with a hand. "What is it Jenna, what's it going to be?"

Jenna stared at her before looking at the floor. Fucking hell, Effy Stonem has just cowed Jenna Fitch with two questions. I have no idea what's going on, but I'm fucked if she's going to hurt Emily again, not on our special night. I took a pace forward and stood next to Effy, silently giving her my support.

"I'm here to talk that's all. Rob and James are inside."

I turned to look at Emily who was stood looking at her mother, her face fierce; she nodded imperceptibly and held Katie's hand. I stepped to one side to let her through.

"Don't you fucking dare hurt her tonight Jenna." I spat at her quietly as she passed, steadied only by Effy's hand on my arm as if telling me all will be well.

I only hope she knows what she's doing or it'll be four evenings and two lives ruined again.

"I came here to talk to you two. I can't say I'm happy with how you choose to lead your lives. I just can't do that because I'm not. I can't say I'm happy that you're going away with _her_ Emily because I'm not. When I gave birth to the two of you, beautiful twin girls all I wanted was for you to grow up happy. I wanted you both to meet a nice man and get married. Have a big expensive wedding and live happily ever after. I wanted you to be normal.

I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear but that is who I am girls and I don't think I can change that. I don't want the world to look at you and jeer and criticise. I know you think I'm just bothered about how people will see me, and there's some truth in that I suppose, it's also about how they will see you.

However," she said stopping Emily from interrupting, "However I am sorry for what I said and did the other night. I'm sorry I said the things I said and the way I said them. Your father is right, I shouldn't care who you're happy with as long as you both are. So I'll try, I'll try and deal with it all if it means we can stay together as a family, because that's all I ever wanted us to be; a family. Can we get past this? Can you give me a second chance? I'm sorry Katie; I'm sorry Emily. I'm sorry that I am who I am."

Predictably it was Katie that moved first, running over and hugging her mother, crying tears of forgiveness. Emily just stood there and stared at her, then looked across at me. Her beautiful brown eyes filled with questions.

I stared back at her, I don't have any answers for her; she's been hurt by Jenna Fitch so many times over the last year or so I'd not be surprised if she turned and walked away. Deep down though I know she won't, deep down I know that's not like her. She gave me a second chance, and a third and most recently a fourth. It's who she is, it's just one of the reasons I love her.

She's the girl that would forgive you for your fears, would sleep with a friend in need, would sit by your hospital bed all night staying awake and talking to you until she knows you're going to be all right and the girl that would hold you through your nightmares and tell you everything is going to be ok.

I can't believe that it had taken me so long to realise this simple fact. Emily Fitch is many things; she's a friend, a lover, a daughter and a sister. She is perfect at all of those things and one day, long in our future; if she, if _we_, ever decide to have a child. I know she'll complete the set and be a perfect mother as well. As I stare at the red haired girl in front of me, as our eyes meet in that badly lit alleyway, I can feel my heart swell with pride that she's mine and I make just one more vow not to fuck it all up again.

But I still don't have an answer for her questions. I can't tell her if she should forgive her or not. All I can do is tell her that I think it would be the right thing to do with a slight nod, but that it's up to her, with a slight shrug of my shoulders, and hope she understands. Ultimately it's her decision; I don't mind, I'll support her whatever she does; she knows that.

I look on as she breaks my eye contact and stares back at her mother. Katie has let go of her and flung herself at Effy. Who knew she was such an emotive person? Katie fucking Fitch never used to be a hugger or a crier; or at least, if she was, we never got to see it. I wonder what made her change, but then I guess I already know.

Emily flicked her eyes to me again before walking towards Jenna her shoulders set. As she stood in front of her their eyes locked and I watched a thousand emotions pass over those brown orbs. I only hope for her sake she finds something in her mother's eyes other than hate. Then she put out her hand, there was no hug; I guess it's far too early for that in the rebuilding of their relationship. That outstretched hand symbolised a start; it was a peace offering of sorts and all Jenna had to do was reach out and take it.

After a few painful seconds she did just that; she took Emily's hand and shook it. My Emily had begun the rocky road to reconciliation with her mother, and I was happier for her in that second than I ever had been before.

As they released their hands, Ems looked at her mother and gestured at the door. "Are you going in then, there's a leaving party going on and if dad and James are in there I think you should be with them."

She walked past her mother and wrapped herself around me; I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "Feeling better?" I asked knowing what the answer would be.

"Much," she said snuggling into me even further. I got a look from Jenna as she passed but true to her word not a bitchy comment passed her lips. Perhaps she really _was_ going to try.

"It's a start," Effy said from a couple of feet way where she stood with her arms wrapped around Katie's shoulders. I simply nodded at her; before an idea popped into my head.

"Did you have anything to do with that change of heart? You didn't seem overly surprised by her being here."

"I might have done, does it matter?"

"Not to me," came the voice from the angel at my side.

"Nor me," her sister echoed.

"Guess I'm not arsed either then," I finished, looking across at her. "You two coming back in then?"

"Give us a minute Naomi; I'm kind of enjoying having Katie exactly where she is."

I sighed, prompting Emily to wriggle around to my side and pull my arm over her neck, wrapping her arm around my waist as she did so.

"You know you can do that inside. If you want to _be_ together, just _be_ together it's that simple." They stared back at me, even Emily stared up at me. I started to feel a little self conscious.

"Ok, so perhaps I'm not the best person to be giving anyone that advice, but you know what I mean. Don't make the mistakes I made guys, that's all I'm saying. I lost years with this one. If I'd been braver way back at that party and told you to fuck off Katie, perhaps things would have turned out differently for all of us."

"Would you really change anything Naoms?"

"Ems honey, I'd change just about everything I could. But only if it would have made it better or easier for you, for both of us along the way."

"I wouldn't want you to," she whispered, "none of it, even the bad bits. They've made us what we are and I couldn't be happier right now."

There she goes again, Emily Fitch has another element to add to her list that I knew, but had totally forgotten. Friend, lover, daughter, sister and now genius. She is, without any shadow of a doubt a fucking genius; she has an Effy-like ability to cut through the bullshit, but she does it so clearly and simply even I can understand it first time.

Cook told me once that I'm clever, but I pale into insignificance next to the supernova that she is; academic grades be damned, she is incandescent and I'm a moth to her flame.

o+o+o

Later, as the numbers dwindled slightly as the night drew on, Thomas began to bring down the beats; like a good DJ he started playing his ambient tracks slowing down the mood and calming everyone down from the dance frenzy they had worked themselves up into. As I was dragged, once more, onto the small dance floor by Ems the mood changed once more and a really familiar song was blended seamlessly into the last.

I looked across at the man behind the stage and saw a broad grin on his face as I looked at him. He remembered the last time we'd danced to this track, one warm wet night in a smelly cramped shed. I smiled back as I pulled Ems into an embrace and we danced the night away, perhaps another bridge had been built tonight.

As we danced, our bodies entwined as closely as if we were making love. I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Katie lead Effy onto the floor and wrap her arms around her waist. Our eyes met for one brief second and slowly and carefully she flipped me off. She remembered that night too, and I guess revenge was sweet.

"You want to get out of here?" I whispered into Emily's ear as I leaned down to kiss her neck. We'd been dancing for hours and the time was beginning to tell on my girlfriends face. "We can go home and chill out, you look tired."

"Definitely, but not just yet babe. I'm enjoying dancing with you," she replied, "I think we should tell them before we go though, only polite after all their efforts." She nodded across at her sister who was currently making moon eyes at her girlfriend and running her fingers through her hair. I guess they had definitely decided that tonight was the night to go public, their own little Love Ball, tucked away in a quiet corner of our leaving party.

"They're cute," Ems said, "they look good together."

"You're cute," I replied seriously. "Actually, you're rather beautiful."

"Go on," she said grinning at me as we swayed to the music, "don't stop now you're doing so well." She put her tongue out at me, but I decided to take her exactly at her word.

"Ok, Emily you're cute, I love the way to wrinkle your nose and put your tongue out at me like that; you're beautiful, honestly every woman in the world pales when I compare them to you. You're intelligent despite the fact that you insist on staying with me. You're kind, kind to me, to your friends to everyone really. You're beautiful, you can stop my heart with a simple smile; you're funny, because you can make even this grumpy old cynic laugh with your comments. You're caring; you're a wonderful lover because you can make me feel so good by just being with you. You're a ray of sunshine in my life and I meant every word I said last year, I am a better person when I'm with you, you're able to bring out the best in me and help me push down the worst."

I paused for a second to just stare down at my girlfriend, my lover, my soul mate and drown in the pool that is Emily Fitch eyes.

"You're drunk," she said smiling at me, her eyes misting up

"Only on you Emily, only on you. Did I mention that you're beautiful? If I didn't you are you know?"

"You might have mentioned it, once or twice," she said before pushing her head against me; the little break in her voice not escaping me.

"Are you all right Ems?" I asked carefully.

"All right? I'm fine, more than fine. I'm perfect."

I stopped moving for a second, forgetting about the music and the people around us. I held her tightly as she held me.

"You are at that Emily Fitch, I forgot about that one, you are perfect, you are utterly, wonderfully, dangerously perfect. Don't let anyone tell you differently."

o+o+o

Finally we took the opportunity to head off and sit at a table with Katie and Effy. We'd noticed them slip from the dance floor and slink off to the back of the room, but we'd carried on dancing for a bit, anxious to give them the space they so obviously wanted.

"World hasn't ended then I see." I said as Ems and I slipped into a chair next to them. They looked at me quizzically and I just nodded at their clasped hands.

"Anyone said anything?" Emily added cautiously looking straight at her twin.

"Nah, Dad seemed fine, mum's just keeping quiet. JJ and Lara asked why it had taken us so long and Panda..."

"Panda needed to go and do her breathing exercises," Effy interrupted, "she got a little excited at the thought of us all as couples."

We all grinned at the thought, that's just so Panda.

"Look, we came to tell you thanks for doing this, it's been wonderful, but we're going to slip away now. Going to head home and relax. It's been an eventful day."

"Yeah," I agreed quickly, "eventful...do you guys mind. We don't want to seem ungrateful. It's been a great day, thank you both."

"We don't mind do we Kay? I think we might be slipping off ourselves pretty soon. Leave Keith to clean up the mess, that's the advantage of having the party here and not at one of our houses, no need to fuck about picking up shit and cleaning stains out of the carpets."

"Cool, we'll see you back at the house later then?" I said, pushing Ems off my knee and getting up.

"Maybe, maybe not. We'll probably go back to mine, give you guys some privacy."

"Don't be daft," I said leaning down and hugging her, "you know you're always welcome wherever I am." I leaned over and shocked Katie by hugging her too, "That goes for you as well Katiekins ok?"

I stood and watched as Ems hugged them both too, whispering in both of their ears, bringing a smile to Effy's face and a confused frown to Katie's.

Waving to the two of them we slipped out of the back door and into the night. I called a cab as I lit a cigarette and we stood waiting, talking nonsense for the five minutes until it came. As we sat in the back of the battered old Toyota a sudden curiosity came over me about that last exchange. Normally I try not to get involved, well I try not to get involved if I don't think it's anything to do with me; but this time I want to know.

She made my mate smile and I want to know how.

"Ems?"

"I'm not telling you Naomi."

"I haven't asked you anything yet." She twisted in her seat, leaning back against the door and putting her feet over my knees as best she could with the restriction of the seat belt.

"I know what you're going to ask babe and I'm not telling you."

"What not ever, or just not now?"

"I haven't decided; depends how nice you are to me." She licked her lips in a way that was anything but innocent. I groaned as it hit me.

"You told them not to come home because you have every intention of making me make you scream the house down," I looked into her dangerously dark eyes and groaned again, "it is isn't it. You told them to stay away because you wanted to have sex."

Ems just smirked at me and shook her head, "I did nothing of the kind Naomi Campbell, I'm the good twin remember? Though, if you're offering to make me scream the house down, I'm not going to complain."

It's the way she just says things like that, I swear it is. Emily Fitch has the ability to make the most blatantly sexual comments come out of her mouth like she's innocently suggesting playing with kittens, or getting an ice cream.

On the other hand she could make both of those totally innocent things sound like a blatantly sexual suggestion as well with that voice of hers.

Either way she has the same effect on me, my heart starts racing, my brain turns to mush and my legs go to jelly and all I can do is stare at her. Especially as she twists in her seat again and leans over to press her mouth to mine, push her tongue past my lips and pull at my hair as if trying to stop me escaping her clutches, which I assure you is the last thing on my mind right now.

"Yeah, nice one ladies. If you want to start that shagfest right now I could maybe knock a few quid off the fare."

'_Ugh, Jesus...wanker!'_

o+o+o

We got out of the cab, after abusing the pervert in the front and refusing to give him a tip for the constant barrage of tiresome, clichéd comments he made all fucking journey. I practically chased her up the path and through the front door into our house.

A front door and house, that would soon be mum's and Kieran's; no longer ours. That would soon be as much a part of my past as the little yellow house where Emily and I had started out relationship.

To be perfectly honest I'll be glad to see the back of it. The yellow house had bad memories; this house has some truly awful ones. Still in a couple of days that will all be behind us.

"Naom's," Emily called from the bathroom where she'd beaten me to the nearest toilet, neither of us really that willing to use the one at the pub. "Could you pour us some wine, there's some in the fridge."

Sighing, and wishing she'd leave me alone so I could run upstairs to take advantage of having two bathrooms in the house, I turned and padded barefoot back into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Sure enough there was a bottle of wine and a bottle of vodka, staple foodstuffs at Chateau Campbell. Hurriedly I poured two glasses of the wine, desperately trying to ignore the pouring sound which was making my bladder feel that little bit fuller with every glug.

I nearly knocked her over as she came out of the downstairs bathroom; I'd heard the toilet flush as I put away the wine and waited, practically dancing on the spot for her to walk out of the glass door and into the kitchen.

Have you ever noticed that when you're desperate for a wee, the sound of a flushing toilet or indeed any watery sound is the most painful noise in the world; and that the blessed moments of relief that follow emptying a painfully full bladder can be described as almost orgasmic?

Almost, but not quite orgasmic.

I pulled up my clothes and washed my hands, looking habitually at the reflection in the mirror. I look better than ever, even the tired eyes have been replaced with ones that shine with love as I think about the girl that's waiting for me in the kitchen.

Except she's not, I walked out into the kitchen to find it empty, her glass of wine gone from the side; a small piece of paper placed carefully underneath mine. A piece of paper with one word printed on it in Emily's flowery scrawl.

'Outside'

Wondering what she was up to I grabbed my glass and wandered into our small garden. There, lying on the grass, feet crossed and arms spread wide across our favourite brown and grey blanket was Emily, bouncing her head from side to side to the music that was playing inside her head.

"Erm, what you doing hun?" I asked as I stood on the patio, sipping my drink.

"Relaxing babe; just watching the universe go by. Come and join me." She patted the rug next to her with her right arm and I took my familiar position with her to my left.

"Anything happening up there?" I asked as our hands met and curled around each other.

"Nah, pretty boring really. I just wanted to lie here again, you know. Look at the sky. Do you realise in three days time we'll be on the other side of the world, looking at a completely different sky?"

"Two days honey," I replied looking at my watch, "it's after midnight now. Tomorrow, well today really we need to pack, get our tickets and money and everything organised and the day after we leave."

"Yeah but it's three days until we'll be in Goa babe, you got tickets for a late flight didn't you, and they're ahead of us time wise. So as I reckon it we'll take off on Thursday at about nine o'clock, fly for eleven hours and then add five hours for the time difference. So we'll land in Goa at about one o'clock in the afternoon their time on Friday."

She looked across at me and smiled sweetly, "See, three days."

"Smart arse." I laughed squeezing her hand. "When did you get so bloody clever?"

"Since you showed me those tickets in Freddie's shed dear, since I started doing my research, since the moment I realised that I was looking forward to going to Goa with you more than anything else in the world."

I felt a tear roll down my cheek at her words, fortunately she's not looking at me again, she's staring up at the sky and pulling herself closer and closer to me; pressing herself against me, her eyes fixed on the dark skies.

"Nai, do you mind if we stay out here for a bit, you know just lie here? I know I promised that we'd..."

I sat up on an elbow next to her and stilled her lips with a finger. "Of course we can lie here Ems, you want to lie under the stars, that's fine by me. I don't care what we do as long as you're with me, I've told you that. Just give me one second would you? Wait right there, don't move a muscle, I'll be right back."

I got up and took a sip of my wine before heading into the house. I ran around grabbing a couple of pillows off the bed and the blue blanket we'd used earlier that morning from the bag Katie had left in the hallway. Not wanting to leave Emily waiting any longer I rushed back outside to see her sat sipping her drink.

"Here," I said, putting the pillows down near where our heads had been. "We'll be a bit more comfortable with these, and I brought the other blanket in case it gets cold later."

I'm rewarded for my thought with a huge Fitch hug, one that nearly squeezed the life out of me, and a kiss that should, by rights have left me with bruised lips. As she pulled away, our eyes met once more and I'm scarily reminded of how I felt at the lake that first time. Shy, slightly embarrassed, but full of love, the only thing absent is the fear; and I don't miss that at all.

Her eyes look the same as they did that night as well; it's another perfect memory that I lock away in my heart for a rainy day I hope will never come.

"I love you," she said, blinking at me in the moonlight.

"I love you too, don't forget it."

We each took a last drink of our wine before laying back on the blanket, my arms wrapped around her, her head on my chest; her hands gripping mine, thumbs tracing lazy circles on my knuckles as we looked up in silence. As we relaxed and stared at that clear Bristol sky for what was probably the last time, I felt strange emotions flow through me. I'd had them before, had them with her in fact; but laying there I realised what they were, I was content, unworried, but most of all happy...

...and there we stayed, curled up as lovers under a blanket of stars, until dawn returned once more.

.

_._

_._

**A/N – **Yeah I know, sorry again. Still at least we didn't have to hear about Katie's party trick at this little soiree, aren't you glad I didn't write about that!

Here's a test for you all ok, go to the E4 Skins homepage, look at the banner, and then look down at the picture of the Gen3 cast. Look up, look down...repeat this three times then close your eyes, count to ten and then open them again. If you're looking at the picture of the Gen 3 cast then I'm afraid you'll have to stop reading this story, you're barred!

(-;

One to go...now I _do_ feel sad.

Es

MtfM – _Guerilla Writing Since 2010_


	35. Leaving, On A Jet Plane

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started."**

**Disclaimer –** I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a considerable lack of talent

I certainly have nothing to do with Skins apart from a desire to write about their characters and an appreciation that the owners don't get all legalistic about it!

**Authors Note **– So here we are, Chapter 35, the final chapter of Avalanche, the snowdrifts have been cleared and the damage finally repaired, time to put this natural disaster to bed. Hope this last chapter makes it all worthwhile; I've tried to make it a good one for you all. I'll post credits because, well, there are a few in a separate note, just to show I'm not totally numbers obsessed…well ok maybe I am (-:

So if you're all ready, let's all hold hands and follow our girls on the last part of this particular journey together and see where it takes us. This is the L'Oreal chapter guys, because they're worth it. Don't shoot me if there are any mistakes ok?

Oh and by the way...(Zero), _Thunderbirds are Go!_

**Chapter 35 – Leaving, On A Jet Plane.**

_Emily_

"Emily?"

'_Fucks sake'_

"EMILY! EMS, HAVE YOU SEEN MY FUCKING BOOTS?"

She's been like this all morning; honestly I don't think I've seen anyone so flustered in all my life. She's supposed to be this calm, aloof, smooth and unruffled character, but honestly her reputation has suffered so much today it's practically untrue.

I gathered the other day, when she had her first minor breakdown, just because she didn't have a list organised of things we needed, that she was a bit of a worry-wort but today is fucking hilarious. Or it would be if she'd leave me alone to sort my own shit out for five minutes.

I stood in the doorway to our bedroom with a pair of brand new, barely broken in, hiking boots in my hand.

The same brand new, barely broken in, _fucking_ hiking boots that I'd shown her half an hour earlier.

The same brand new, barely _fucking_ broken in, _fucking_ hiking boots that she'd so carefully and deliberately placed on the sofa bed in the corner of the room so she _"don't forget where I put them." _

The same _fucking_ brand new, barely _fucking_ broken in, _fucking_ hiking boots that I'd picked up from that very same fucking sofa bed in the corner of the room barely a second after I walked in.

'_Fucks sake Naomi, I don't have time for his shit'_

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, reminding myself of my new mantra when dealing with her whilst packing.

'_Breathe Emily breathe; it's not her fucking fault she's a bag of nerves, it's ok!'_

She's sat on the floor, her new rucksack, a present from Kieran and Gina, zipped open in front of her. I swear she's put nothing new in there since the last time I came in half an hour ago when she was looking for her boots.

'_Fucks sake indeed, breathe...just breathe. It'll be ok.'_

"EMILY!"

"I'm right behind you babe, there's no need to shout."

She jumped and turned around quickly, "Sorry hun, I thought you were downstairs still." Her eyes fixed on the boots I was holding.

"Where did you find them?"

I looked at her, trying to hide the exasperation and amusement that I knew must be leaking into my expression. Judging by the blush that appeared on her cheeks I'd failed.

"Go on then…tell me."

I nodded down at the sofa and put the boots back down where I'd found them.

"I put them there didn't I?"

I simply nodded, lips twitching.

"I put them there a few minutes ago didn't I?"

I nodded again, tongue firmly in my cheek, she really is cute when she's embarrassed; she's even cuter when she's embarrassed and flustered.

"Sorry Ems, it's just…"

"I know Nai, it's ok." I sat down on the floor next to her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, my anger at her ebbing away. "But seriously, you've got to stop panicking about this, it's not like you."

I looked around at the selection of clothes and shoes and equipment that had scattered around the room and sighed dramatically.

"Naoms have you even _started_ packing your bag yet? There seems to be more stuff on the floor than in that bloody rucksack."

She glared at me, then her face crumpled into her trademark laugh, it was nice to see her finally relax; she'd been wound up since we'd dragged ourselves out of bed this morning.

I had absolutely no idea how I even got to bed last night, I do know we'd had a good night at the party, I know I'd had more than a few drinks throughout the day, but they'd been spaced out and I don't remember being that drunk. I do remember lying in the garden and that's pretty much the last thing I do remember before waking up, wrapped in her arms under that familiar duvet. I'm not worried about it, I know she was there with me and even if I had done something severely embarrassing she wouldn't mind.

I am a little intrigued though, and sitting here with her I've got a sudden desire to know.

"Babe?"

"Uh-Huh" She replied, distractedly rooting through a pile of clothes that I'd put out for her first thing this morning

"Just wondering, how did I end up in bed last night? Did I do anything really embarrassing?"

"Well if you don't count howling at the moon and then telling the neighbours to fuck off at the top of your voice when they opened their windows to complain, no you didn't do anything embarrassing at all. I thought it was rather funny actually. Though I do think throwing the wine bottle at their conservatory was a bit much though, I mean, I don't think it was even empty, though thinking about it perhaps you'd already polished it off. Especially judging by how far it missed."

I could feel my cheeks start burning as the realisation that I'd done something really, really stupid began to dawn on me. I could barely register what she was saying as I thought of how I should go round next door and apologise.

"Yeah, then you started shouting about how you didn't care because we were leaving and never coming back, then you had an argument with me because I said that gullible isn't in the dictionary and you wanted to look it up because you were sure it must b..."

She didn't get any further as finally my brain clicked onto what she had said and I pushed her onto the floor and began beating at her shoulders with my hands.

"You fucking _bitch_, Naoms, you totally had me going then. Jesus I've just been thinking how I was going to face them today and what I could say to apologise. Sometimes Campbell, I really hate your sense of humour. How _did_ I get to bed then?"

She pushed me off with practiced ease and knelt by the side of me and pulled my arms around her neck.

"Hold on tight," she whispered as she slipped her arms under my back and legs; with a small grunt she rose to her feet with me and carried me carefully to the bed, gently put me down and removed her arms; standing slightly sheepishly next to me.

"You carried me to bed, from the garden?"

She shrugged and nodded.

"Aw babe, that's so sweet."

"S'nothing," she said looking at the floor. "It was getting really cold and I couldn't wake you so I carried you to bed then went and locked up."

I thought about that for a second, something wasn't quite right about what she'd said. Then, with a realisation that was like being hit like a freight train, I knew what hadn't clicked.

"I woke up naked this morning Naoms, did I get myself undressed or did you..."

I left it hanging at her raised eyebrow.

"Girls got to have some perks you know, I had just carried you all the way upstairs, I thought it was only right I got to undress you and have a quiet perv."

She winked at me and smiled, "besides Em, those clothes needed putting in the wash. Yesterday was a long, long day."

I think it's time to play a little game with her, such a gesture shouldn't go unrewarded and I am Emily Fitch, I _always_ reward people for being nice, but I do like to play games with her though, it's so much fun. Besides, she's teased me this morning, time for me to get my own back. I let my face fall into an annoyed frown at her words.

"So let me get this straight, last night you stayed with me in the garden, let me freeze my arse off whilst I slept, failed totally to wake me up to come to bed and then carried me up here, stripped me naked and _perved_ at me…"

I forced my voice to sound angry, using the months of practice at taking cheap shots at her to make it as realistic as possible. All that was behind us, but the skills were still there; and hey if you've got them, use them...it's all in a good cause.

"…is that right Naomi?"

"Well when you put it like that, I guess yes."

"and where _exactly_ are my clothes now?"

"Er, I put them on the line whilst I made breakfast this morning. I know you like that skirt and I thought you might want to pack it."

I scowled at her, I mean I properly pulled my face in and scowled. I'm giving it my all, going for the full on "proper gone rah-rah" effect as Panda would say.

"So not happy with all that, you put my favourite skirt out to dry whilst you cooked fucking breakfast."

She nodded, just a little sheepishly; though I don't know why, it's not as if she's got nothing to be ashamed of. It occurs to me that perhaps her paranoia is kicking in again, perhaps it's time to end the game. I want to tease her, not hurt her.

"Jesus fucking Christ Naomi, what did I do to deserve you?"

I changed the tone of my voice in an instant, softening it, making it less aggressive, more affectionate. I made it a question, a good question, not an exasperated, 'how has Naomi fucked up again' question. I watched as her shocked expression grew as her brain registered the change and I reached out and pulled her down onto the bed to lie next to me. I bushed my hand across her cheek and ran my thumb gently across her soft, red lips.

"Seriously hun, what _did_ I do to deserve you eh? Thanks for doing all of that Naomi, it was thoughtful of you."

Her face froze for a second and then she let out a big sigh of relief.

"Fucking hell Ems, I thought you were pissed off at me again, you've got my heart racing ten to the dozen here."

I lay back onto the pillows and stretched out a hand.

"Well Naoms, you know what they say a racing heartbeat is good for you, keeps you healthy. In fact they say the _faster_ it beats the better. They _also_ say scream if you want to go faster; fancy a bit of screaming babe, get that heartbeat going that little bit faster?"

So it was a lame come-on, but you know, it worked. Well, judging by the way she rolled herself on top of me and stared into my eyes it had worked. I have no idea what goes on in her head most of the time, but whenever our eyes meet like this I feel like I know everything about her. I know her fears, her dreams, her insecurities and her doubts. I've always known about the way her eyes betray her, how one look helps me unravel one extra part of the enigma that is Naomi Campbell.

When I stare into her eyes, those beautiful blue eyes that everyone tells me are cold like ice, I feel anything but cold. I'm warmed by the passion, heated by the pleasure and melted by the love that appears in them. Perhaps that's just me, perhaps that's just the look she's always had for me and no-one else; I hope so.

So now she's lying on top of me, staring down at me and I know, I _know_ that she's about to lose herself again, that she wants nothing more than to lose herself in me; and it's beautiful, erotic, and absolutely wonderful.

She leans down to kiss me, placing her lips on mine, before pulling back; teasing me and making me strain my neck to reach up to her, to kiss her again and to pull her back down into my embrace.

As she lowers herself carefully onto me, as I feel her weight push me down into the bed, as her hands roam to the hem of my shirt and slip underneath it caressing my bare skin, as all of this floods through my senses I feel my love for her, my overwhelming, unbridled, unparalleled love for her, reborn once more as it does every time we connect like this. A love that's as strong if not stronger than it ever was; and on that morning, in that room and on that bed I know that I want nothing more than to lose myself in her like this, every day, for the rest of my life.

o+o+o

_Naomi_

So I'm making a list and despite the stupid jokes my girlfriends sister has been making I'm not checking it fucking twice.

Seriously, Katie Fitch has been driving me fucking mad this morning. In fact the only thing that's stopping me beating her to death with, well, anything I can get my hands on really, is that there are two people in this house that I actually care about that would never forgive me.

In fact Emily probably would never sleep with me again if I beat her twin to death, no matter how provoked I was, and that's not a future I want to contemplate.

So I just run the scene over and over in my head in glorious 3D. The scene where I break off a chair leg and start swinging and I simply hum happily to myself as I write out all the things I need to make sure I pack. I did actually contemplate asking Effy if it felt good to hit Katie in the head that night at Gobblers End but thought against it...it's perhaps not very tactful to remind her of nearly killing the girl she's now head over heels in love with.

…and she is; she may still try to be all 'silent and mysterious' but Katie Fitch has changed her and she can't fool me. She is head over heels in love with Katie Fitch and I guess in my own strange way I kind of love Katie myself. I've said this before though...I'm fucked if I'm telling her, and I'm fucked if there aren't times like this when all I want to do is beat her to death.

Besides, the list needs to be done; someone, and it wasn't Emily - oh no, she never touched it - has thrown away the packing list that I carefully and patiently wrote out. Judging by Katie's smug face at my dilemma it actually was Emily and she knows it but won't tell; or it was actually her and she's delighted by my predicament.

Either way, the chair leg is calling!

"Naoms, what the hell are you humming?"

Emily's arrived in the living room where I'm sitting, probably having completed all her packing in the forty minutes since we finally got out of bed. I'm not complaining though, she really knows how to take my mind off things and in the nicest possible way as well.

"Nothing hun, nothing at all."

She fixed me with a look, an amused smirk on her lips. "That wasn't 'nothing' Naomi, Christmas songs, in August? Really?"

I heard a laugh from the kitchen where Katie is probably destroying every pan there in the name of 'cooking lunch' for us all.

"Fucking _got_ you lezzer; we totally put that fucking tune in your head."

There's more laughter, from the two of them this time then faintly the fucking lyrics come through the door.

"Oi Katiekins," I shouted over the singing of fucking Santa Claus is coming to fucking town, "would you open the back door, something's fucking burning."

The singing stopped abruptly and Katie appeared at the living room door her face like fury. "There is nothing burning in the kitchen _Naomikins_ I'll have you know I've been practicing and I'm becoming a very good cook."

"Er Katie," Emily said sheepishly, "I really can smell burning."

"FUCK! Fucking Effy, if she's gone out for a smoke rather than watch the pan I'll fucking kill her!"

She vanished back into the kitchen and all we heard was a squeal of outrage and the strangled cry of _'Effy Stonem.'_

"Guess lunch is off then," I said happily. Ems did not look at all impressed and raised an eyebrow at my smile.

"Oh come on Ems she fucking deserved it, she's been taking the piss out of me making my packing list since she arrived."

I watched her as she thought about it. It's really funny when she does that, her eyes go distant and she always looks up when she thinks and her mouth always makes this cute little 'o' shape that I want to kiss. Though to be fair, any shape her mouth makes I generally want to kiss. I'm waiting patiently for the penny to drop, I always know when it's coming because I see the slight furrow appear and disappear from her forehead. It's like her brains way of announcing the light bulb coming on.

"Making a list...yeah I get it," she laughed, "that's funny; well it's funny for Katie anyway," she caught my look and changed tack seamlessly. "You done anyway, want me to take a look?"

I nodded and passed the journalists pad over to her, her eyes flicked up and down it before pausing.

"Fuck, I totally forgot to pack that. Shit, right, won't be a second. Looks fine babe, don't see the first aid kit on there though."

She threw the pad back to me and disappeared upstairs; I heard the thumping of drawers and the stamping of feet as I stared at my pad and added the first aid kit to the list of things to pack.

Actually scratch that, we haven't even bought the fucking first aid kit.

'_Bollocks; that means another fucking trip to that stupid camping shop!'_

o+o+o

_Emily_

It's finally here, I didn't think that it would ever happen but it's finally here. I know I'll probably regret this at some stage today but I'm up at the crack of dawn.

It's Thursday, not just any Thursday but _the_ Thursday, the day of our flight.

It's a wonderful day again, as if God is smiling down and making sure we have no more hiccups in our travel plans. Naomi had a small panic yesterday, with the packing and the first aid kit, but one trip to the camping shop that's become practically our second home and we were sorted. I've even convinced her that it was a good thing, because a short chat with the assistant over sterile needles resulted in our bags being packed out with a couple of other smaller items they recommended for our trip.

So now our rucksacks are packed, zipped closed, locked and tagged along with the nylon stuff sack we've put anything in that we plan to strap to the outside, sleeping bags and kip-mats and the like. We've checked and double checked everything and at Naomi's insistence pulled on the bags and gone for a short walk around the block to make sure we're not carrying too much weight in them for us to manage.

For someone with such a bohemian background she really is a nervy traveller; but her insistence on things being "right" has saved us a couple of times during our preparations and I can't really complain.

So as the sun beams in through our window I lie in our bed, in this room, for the very last time with the sprawled figure of a blonde lying next to me. This time tomorrow I'll be sitting on a plane with her on the last leg of our flight to Goa. How awesome is that?

I've been watching her sleep for the last half hour, I haven't got the heart to disturb her she's looking so peaceful at the moment which after the teasing and torture that my sister subjected her to last night she deserves it.

I think she actually enjoyed last nights dinner, it was a last supper of sorts for us, the last evening meal, the last time we'd eat with Katie and Effy and on the whole it was a really nice evening. But I think both of them, Katie especially, were determined to get the last few final shots in at each other before we left.

"You're looking smart this evening Naomi," Katie had started, "Where did you get that dress, from the local charity shop?"

Effy and I shared a glance and sighed at their looks.

It had gone downhill from there.

"Something like that," she'd replied sweetly as she took a mouthful of the pasta dish Katie and Effy had prepared. "Hey this is nice Katie; you can hardly taste the burnt bits."

I wouldn't have minded but I'd pre-warned Naomi to behave herself before we'd started; as we'd dragged the table outside so we had more space for the meal.

"What?" Naoms had asked, acting innocent but I knew she understood me clearly. "We don't mean it anymore, we're just playing. Having a laugh."

"I know that Naomi, but this is our last night all together. I'd like to spend a happy evening with my sister, her girlfriend and you, you know? Have one last happy memory before I don't get to see Katie for a year."

Bless her she'd looked abashed and had leaned over to put her arms round my shoulders. I felt the familiar little surge as she pulled me close, especially as she looked me straight in the eyes again.

"I'm sorry Ems, I didn't think about that. I'll behave if she will."

"I suspect Effy is giving her the same lecture Nai; and if she isn't I'll sort her out myself."

Naomi pulled me in tight and almost automatically my hands came up to grip her waist.

"I'll behave Ems, I promise," she'd kissed me on the top of my head, inhaling deeply as she pulled away. "Even if she tries to beat the crap out of me I won't ruin this for you ok?"

"Thanks babe," I'd replied happily, standing on my tiptoes to kiss her lips, "I promise I'll make it worth your while."

"Telling you Ems, you already have."

So the evening only deteriorated on occasion to caustic comments thrown by Katie. Naomi, to the best of her ability, soaked them all up, only replying in kind on a couple of occasions. They were both clearly on their best behaviour and their banter was definitely nowhere near their old levels of abuse. In fact Katie only referred to Naomi as 'lezzer' once during the meal and Nai had cleverly circumvented the jibe by blowing a kiss at Effy who battered her eyelashes at her coquettishly and flirted back, much to Katie's annoyance.

To be fair I think they were both enjoying it, there wasn't any real malice in any of their comments, not any more. Whether they'll admit it or not that last few months have brought us all together, even those two and I'm so happy they've developed a grudging respect for each other. It's hard being stuck between two people you love when they're intent on tearing strips off each other all day long.

I'd been surprised, however, to hear Katie's plans for studying in Bristol as we'd chatted over dessert; and even more surprised to hear that her and Effy were thinking about moving into Kieran's flat.

"You're moving in together? Isn't that a bit soon?" I'd blurted in surprise, regretting my words as soon as I said them.

"No Emily," Effy had replied calmly. "We're not planning to move in like that. We think that it would be a bit soon for us to put ourselves under that kind of pressure. Katie suggested that we just share at first, then I guess we'll see where it takes us."

"So what are you going to study Katie?" Naomi had asked, neatly diverting the attention from the whole 'moving in' thing.

"I'm not saying, I haven't had my confirmation yet so I'm not telling anyone. It's all a bit last minute, but I was hoping to have heard by now. I'll have to e-mail you at that stupid address of yours."

I'd stared at her, honestly not believing that she wouldn't tell her own sister what her plans for the next year were. Especially as she'd spent the last two years telling me all about her plans for studying in Manchester. One more reason I'd applied to Universities in London.

"It's ok Emily, she wouldn't tell me either." Effy had replied, "and normally I can't shut her up."

She'd looked across at Katie fondly and I was struck once again at how comfortable they were together and I made a note to chat with her about it. I had got my chance a bit later on in the evening when I managed to get five minutes with Effy as she'd stood at the bottom of the garden having a smoke.

"Are you ok Emily?" she'd asked as I approached, I had just nodded in response. "What's up then?"

'_Damn her perceptive nature.'_

"I'm jealous of you and Katie you know?" I'd told her frankly as I sat on the grass next to her. She'd looked down at me with a quizzical look.

"Why?"

"I don't know, you just seem so comfortable, so confident together. I'm jealous of how good you guys look when you are together. Like a proper couple."

She'd simply smiled at me before tossing her cigarette over the wall and stepping past me, heading back in.

"Have you ever stopped to consider the fact that we might be like that because we've got a good pair of role models? That we might both have wanted what you and Naomi have?"

She walked back up the garden, trailing her hand over my shoulder as she walked away.

"Talking of which," she had said as she walked across the grass, "I think you're wanted Emily, but then you know she's wanted you for years now don't you?"

I glanced around to see Naomi stood in the kitchen looking out at the garden. I raised an arm to wave and watched her as she waved back and smiled at me.

"See what I mean?" she'd said as she trailed back up the garden.

And for once, I did.

o+o+o

The evening came and went and before we knew it we were sharing hugs and promising to see each other the next day. Effy had promised to drive us to the station so we could catch our train but had been adamantly refusing to stay the night.

Katie had summed up their objections to staying and having a few extra drinks with us in her own succinct way.

"I'm not sleeping here tonight and having to listen to you two shagging your way around the house because it's your last night here. No way. We'll see you in the morning, you'd _better_ be ready or you can walk to the fucking station."

As we'd watched them walk down the path to their waiting cab and waved them off. I'd felt Naomi wrap her arms around me.

"It's ok hun, you'll see her tomorrow. She just wants to give us some space that's all."

I'd turned in her grasp, and tilted my head at her, silently asking her to tell me more.

"I spoke to her in the kitchen babe; she told me that they wouldn't be staying. She's going to pick up her things tomorrow or the day after then her and mum are going to swap their keys."

"Wow," I'd said holding her tight, kicking the front door closed behind me. "You mean you had a conversation with Katie without fighting. How did that start?"

"Well you know the usual, she threatened me about being with you, I told her to fuck off. It kind of went from there."

"Really?"

"No not really hun, I think Katie was a bit upset about us leaving tomorrow and wanted to tell me to look after you. She cares you know, I don't think she likes to show it all the time, but she really does care about you."

"She's been an absolute bitch most of my life, but I never doubted she cared babe. She just wanted me to be her doormat when she felt bad about herself that's all."

"Yeah well, you're not that doormat any more are you Ems? I'm really proud of you for that you know? I know I shouldn't be, but I really admire the way you started standing up for yourself to her. I think I like this Emily more than I ever liked the old quiet one, and she was perfect."

"Does that mean I'm perfect-er now?" I teased.

"Guess so," she'd said as she shrugged and let go of me, "Much more perfect-er."

She had wandered off into the kitchen, grabbing the remains of the washing up and putting them into the bowl of soapy water she'd been using earlier to soak the plates. As she grabbed the scourer and started scrubbing away I'd slipped up behind her and grabbed her waist.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" I'd asked as I pressed myself to her back. She'd just snorted in response as if the question was so daft it wasn't worth answering.

"I mean what are you doing the washing up for?"

"It needs doing hun," she'd said simply, "I don't want to be messing about with it in the morning. I'd rather have a lie in."

"Fair enough," I'd replied, snuggling myself further into her back and sliding my hands up her toned stomach past her ribs and onto her breasts, "I just thought that Katie had a really good idea earlier, you know, the one about shagging our way around the house on our last night here."

She had ignored me, continuing to wash the plates and glasses she had in the sink and stack them on the drainer. I wasn't to be daunted; ever so slowly I had run my fingers over her nipples, stroking them erect through the cotton weave of her shirt, making her take a deep breath as her body betrayed her feigned disinterest.

"Ems hun I'll admit that, for once, Katie might have had the best idea in the world," she'd said, her voice low and breathy, "give me thirty seconds to finish this and I am, quite literally, all yours."

I'd ignored her request for thirty seconds grace, I carried on doing exactly what I was doing, except this time I dispensed with her shirt and her bra and any other items of clothing I thought were in my way, forcing her to stop what she was doing long enough for her clothes to clear her arms as I did so.

Finally, with no little effort, I had her stood at the sink totally naked. She had done her best to ignore me throughout; playing the game like a champion. I wasn't going to be discouraged though, and I continued my soft caressing of my favourite parts of her body laying a trail of soft kisses along her neck and shoulders as I did so. Finally, with a flourish, she'd placed the last glass on the drainer and turned to face me, presenting my lips with a brand new, and infinitely more preferable, target.

"Jesus Emily, feeling horny tonight are we hun?"

I'd not bothered replying; frankly I had been far too busy worshipping at the altar that was Naomi's tits. She gave me a rude surprise moments later when I felt warm, and very wet hands reach under my arms and grab me, soaking my t-shirt where they touched.

"Oh dear, how sad," she had scoffed at my now drenched shirt. "You're all wet Ems; I guess this had better come off then."

She'd tugged hungrily at the shirt I was wearing and pulled it swiftly over my head, disturbing me momentarily from what I was doing. I'd expressed my displeasure by biting down on her left nipple, pinching it between my teeth, not too hard of course, but hard enough to make her draw breath, or perhaps that was due to the finger I'd slid between her legs or more accurately the fingernail that I had just scraped across her clit.

As if nothing had happened she'd reached around to unzip my skirt, I'd been forced to move my attention from her tits to her neck as she'd leaned down. As I kissed the soft, tender tissue of her throat I felt the gentle rustle of my skirt falling down my legs and pooling around my ankles.

I could almost smell her arousal, or was that my own, as her hands had swept over my bum and up my back, skilfully divesting me of my bra. Before I knew what was happening she had slid to her haunches in front of me, pressing kisses across my breasts and my chest and my stomach making my own heart race faster and faster.

I love the fact that she could do this to me, despite having been in the driving seat until that point; with one set of movements she'd turned the tables and brought me, figuratively speaking, to my knees. As her lips swept down my stomach and her tongue dipped in and out of my navel, flicking at my piercing as she did so, her hands had slipped up my legs, hooked through the sides of my knickers and she had slowly and sensuously drawn them down; her nails scraping at my skin as she did so; her tongue and lips following her arms, moving steadily downwards.

As I'd stepped out of my clothes, finally as naked as she was, she had pulled me down and laid me on my back on the kitchen floor, using our discarded garments to protect my body from the cold tiled floor. I had so desperately wanted to be in control at this moment, but I couldn't bring myself to move. As her hands ran lazy trails across my skin, as her lips kissed my lips and my skin in that slow yet passionate frenzy, my whole body was humming with pleasure and moving is the last thing I thought about doing.

We had no words to say to one another, there was no 'kinky' teasing, no playful 'dirty' talk; there was only a hot passion that seeped through the both of us rendering us both speechless. With the most exquisite of teasing she had run her tongue up the inside of my thigh until finally, with a groan, she had pressed her mouth against me.

I felt my body heave as her tongue flicked against my folds, running up and down, darting inside me then pulling away; either flicking against my clit or sliding in slow strokes across my lips. I could feel and hear exactly how wet I had become at her touches as her tongue slid across me, lapping at my arousal, sending me higher and higher up that pleasure curve.

Lost in it all, I had grabbed at her long hair, wrapping my fingers around it anxious to pull her deeper and closer into me to satisfy the need I had, I _have_, for her. As I had yanked at her, as she sent me spiralling again with the deftest of touches, she had paused and lifted her head, the tip of her tongue hovering over my clit, barely touching it in a pleasurable torture. As I had raised my head to look down at her my eyes were met by hers, the blue almost completely gone, hidden by her dilated pupils, black with lust.

As our eyes connected she had stared back into mine and slowly and deliberately blinked, like she had that night at the lake; lowering her eyes as she did so, raising them up to meet mine once more as she opened them again. Then with almost agonising tenderness she flicked her tongue against me, sending yet one more spasm of pleasure through my body.

As I had reopened my eyes she was still staring at me and I could feel her tongue poised again. As my breathing steadied and my brain reconnected she had winked at me, raised her eyebrows and then swiftly buried her head between my legs once more, fingernails digging into my hips as she pulled herself into me.

"_Scream if you want to go faster"_ I'd told her that morning to initiate the lovemaking that had put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. As the day had ended I used that phrase in the way I'd meant for her to use it. Drowning in a heady mixture of love and lust, she had me screaming down our kitchen as we made love in there for the very last time. As my body had writhed beneath her in the throws of my orgasm I screamed out her name into the night; and as I recovered, I dragged her to me and clung to her, looking into her loving eyes as she held me tight.

Later, when I was capable of doing so, I had pulled her into the living room, pushing her down onto the sofa before kneeling and parting her legs. As I stared at her, my eyes darting around her beautiful body and involuntarily licking my lips; I heard her breathing increase and sensed her heartbeat racing in anticipation of the pleasures she knew were to come.

"Scream if you want to go faster." I'd said as I kissed my way along her leg; inching my way towards to that most hallowed of spots and before the night was done she had screamed and screamed and screamed.

I just _love_ making love to Naomi; it's my _most_ favourite thing in the world!

o+o+o

My head is dragged from the memories of the night's fun, and the night's passion, as I catch a glimpse of the sun shining in through the window; it's glinting off her freshly bleached hair, making it shimmer in the light. She's beautiful when she sleeps, it's almost like she's a different woman. All of the cares and worries, the fear and the heartache that has made up so much of her life vanish from her face when she sleeps and on this glorious morning, our last morning in Bristol I vow to lie right here and watch her wake.

She must have known I was there, her sixth sense - that blasted '_Fitchdar'_ - must have been set to 'really fucking sensitive', because within moments of me propping myself up on my elbow to look at her she's shifting on the mattress and beginning to stretch. As I lay there silently, not moving a muscle, hoping she'd fall back to sleep; she rolled over and faced me her eyes still tightly closed before opening them and looking me squarely in my own.

"Morning beautiful," she said, holding my gaze and smiling gently, "I really wanted you to be the first thing I opened my eyes to today Ems, thank you."

"For what?" I asked, a little taken aback if I'm honest.

"For being here, for being here with me when I woke up, for being the person I get to spend the next year travelling with and waking up with. Most of all for being my girlfriend; for putting up with all my shit. It means a lot to me you know."

I can only stare across at those ice blue eyes and shake my head, part in wonder and part in disbelief.

"Well where the fuck else would I be babe, I keep telling you, I love you. I don't want to _be_ anywhere else. Now if you've quite finished making big bloody speeches, I would appreciate it if you would put those lovely arms around me and give me a cuddle. It's early and I'm freezing."

With barely a seconds hesitation I'm pulled into her body. Somehow she's managed to roll me as she pulled and she curled around me sliding her right leg in between mine and pressing her tits into my back. I felt a slight draft as the bunched duvet was grabbed and pulled back over our bodies before her hand returned as she wrapped it around my chest.

"Better?"

"Much."

We dozed for the next couple of hours, happy just to be holding each other. I didn't really need anything other than to be held and Naomi seemed more than content to just hold me. The one time that I tried to twist around and cuddle into her she squeezed my shoulders with her arm and gently stopped me moving.

"Shhh," she'd said drowsily, "go back to sleep. I'm still here."

I wanted to ask her what she meant, but I could tell by her breathing that she had fallen asleep again. As I allowed myself to drift off as well, wrapped in that comforting embrace, I thought to myself how nice it was to be loved. How nice it was to be loved by her.

o+o+o

_Naomi_

There are mornings when I hate my alarm, I hate the way it goes off and wakes me up. Especially when I know I have to get up and go to college, or more recently go to work.

I don't want to get up; I don't want to get out of bed. Firstly I'm very warm and I'm very comfortable. Secondly I'm wrapped around a beautiful redhead who is making the cutest little wheezing sounds as she sleeps and thirdly getting up will break this little loved up cocoon I'm currently in and bring back the reality that I have to get on a plane today and fly to Goa.

It's not the Goa part I'm worried about it's the trip. I've never flown before; I've never even been abroad before and now I'm about to pick up a rucksack, get on a train, a coach and then a plane and spend the next twelve months of my life backpacking around the world.

It's pretty daunting; I think I'm going to allow myself to be scared, just a little. At least I have Ems though, she's the seasoned traveller, and she's been abroad with her parents loads of times. So I have that to fall back on when all else fails. I know she's being kind to me with my list fascination, telling me I'm thinking of things she never would, but in truth I'm relying on her as I'll probably be doing for as long as we're together.

She's stirring now; I can feel her breathing change under my hand. Soon she'll be awake and it'll be time to get up, time to put the last of our things into boxes and put them in the spare room, time to make the space for mum and Kieran to take the house back and make it their own.

For the next twelve months or so I'm going to be totally homeless and, as I gently stroke the long red hair that's splayed out in front of me, I'm not sure I'd want it any other way.

I'm still scared though, I'm going to allow myself that. But I'm not going to let it affect me. If I've got anything to do with it I'm not going to let anything spoil my time with the stirring redhead next to me.

As she wakes I'm captivated, as I always am, by just how stunning she looks in the morning. She's gorgeous throughout the day don't get me wrong but in the morning, as she wakes, she's at her very, very best.

As her body comes back to life I'm unable to resist the desire to kiss her shoulders and neck, my favourite parts of her body for this very reason; wanting nothing more than to kiss my beautiful girlfriend awake. I could practically feel her smile as I kissed her and her husky morning voice pierced my senses.

"Feeling horny this morning babe?"

'_I wasn't Ems, but now you come to mention it…'_

She turned in my arms and pressed her lips to mine in a passionate kiss before breaking away and saying one word that caused my insides to liquefy.

"Good."

o+o+o

_Emily_

It's finally here, it's finally time to go; there's a silver car parked outside the front of the house and my sister is sat on our sofa looking a bit grumpy. Naomi's outside with Effy sorting out our rucksacks and giving everything a quick check to make sure we have everything, one last time.

"Katie, what's the matter, you look like I've spilt paint on your favourite shoes."

"What do you _think_ is the matter Emily. We're about to drive you to the fucking station and I won't see you for a year. Do you not think I might be a little upset about that?"

I plonked myself down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"You could try being happy for me Kay. I know it's going to be difficult, not being together, but we've not been together for a while now have we? Not really; besides, I've got Naomi and you've got Effy, we'll be fine."

"Yeah, but who am I going to boss around? Who am I going to tell what to do all the time? Who am I going to tell everything to? It's not going to be the same Emsy; I'm going to miss you."

To my surprise Katie buried her head into my shoulder and started crying, wrapping me up in an awkward hug.

"Hey, it's going to be ok Katie. I'm going to miss you too," I said. "You're my big sister and it's going to be hard not being with you, not being able to meet up with you whenever I want, but we knew this day would come and it's not long, not really. Let's face it after 18 years together we're probably due a bit of a break from each other. Might stop the pair of us wanting to kill each other every other day."

I heard her snort through the tears that were falling; it was a joke but there was also an element of truth to it as well. For the last ten years or more we've been at each others throats in one way or another. I've told her I hate her and I've meant it and she's tried to make me her in so many ways.

It's funny really, but we've only become really close at a time when we're going to be split apart. Freddie's legacy, his last contribution to our little gang, is me and Naomi, Katie and Effy and me and my big sister. In a very real way he's brought us all together and as I hug my sister I send up a little prayer of thanks for what he's done.

"You will be in touch won't you Emsy? You won't just go off on your new life and forget about me?"

"Not a chance, I'll write, or call. If you need to speak to me send me an email. Naomi or I will pick it up at some point. It might take us a while depending on where we are but I'll definitely be in touch."

She pulled back and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue she had dragged out of her bag, "You make sure she looks after you Emily, don't take any of her shit yeah?"

"I think we're past all that Kay, I think that's all over."

She looked out of the window at the sight of our girlfriends stood by the car laughing over something as they slid in the rucksacks.

"Yeah," she replied eventually, "I think you might be right."

I got up from the sofa and offered her my hand. "Help me lock up and check everything's off yeah?"

Katie grabbed me and pulled herself onto her feet. "Emsy, you've done all that, it's time to get you and Blondie on the road. We can't put it off any longer."

She's right, it's nearly mid-afternoon and I've promised Naomi that we won't leave things to the last minute, we'll get to all our stops in plenty of time to make sure that we can start our journey with no stress. Our train out is just before four at Bristol Temple Meads and the journey to Heathrow is a couple of hours. It's time to get going.

Katie and I walked out of the house and I pulled the door behind me, slamming it closed for the last time, slamming it closed on this chapter of our life together. As I stood there, looking at the chipped blue paint and the scratches around the keyhole where either one, or both of us in a drunken or drugged up state had missed the slot, I couldn't help but be happy that it was finally closing behind us. Ending the chapter, closing the book.

"I'll still do anything you know." I heard whispered in my ear, I turned in surprise and grinned at her as she spoke. "Absolutely anything for you."

"Take me to the station then babe, let's get this holiday started."

o+o+o

_Naomi_

We had a nice surprise at Temple Meads station, we had another send off. Ef drove us over and when we got there we found a little deputation of family awaiting our arrival.

As we pulled into the car park we were met by mum and Kieran and surprisingly the rest of the Fitch family; Rob and James waving at us as we approached, Jenna stood slightly to one side, a slightly forced smile on her face.

"Did you arrange this guys?" Emily asked our chauffeuring team.

"We might have mentioned it during the party," Katie replied turning around to smile, "everyone wanted to be able to say goodbye."

We got out of the car and I grabbed the rucksacks out of the back of the car and helped Emily on with hers.

"You look like a proper backpacker now hun," I joked as she closed the belt strap around her waist and shuffled it on her shoulders to get it comfortable whilst I grabbed my own.

"No she doesn't," Katie scoffed, "You can't be a traveller wearing a summer skirt and flats. Why are you both dressed like that, I thought you'd be in those scruffy walking shorts and boots. Especially you lezzer, they're right up your street they are."

I ignored her comment, not wanting to cause a fight on a station car park; anyway Emily had it well and truly covered.

"We're dressed like this Katie because it'll be more comfortable to travel in. Besides," she said with a sly look on her face, "We've got to spend eleven hours on a plane and shorts or jeans are so restrictive don't you find. A skirt offers all sorts of interesting opportunities during those long night hours."

She looked across at me and winked, "I've always fancied joining the mile high club babe, what about you?"

I flicked my eyes to Katie, making sure I had her attention before slowly and carefully looking Ems up and down.

"I don't think I'll be able to resist it love, Eleven hours sat next to you without having sex might be a bit too much for my willpower."

"Ugh, fucks sake did you _have_ to put that image into my head?"

"I absolutely had to Kay," Emily laughed at her, "now at least I know you'll be thinking of me whilst we're on our way."

The good natured banter continued as we walked over to the rest and headed in through the impressive entrance into Brunel's Bristol masterpiece. I had a weird feeling of separation as Emily had been gripped by her family and I'd been grabbed by mine, well mum, Kieran and Effy, they were as close to a family as I had, we had only been apart for a couple of minutes and only separated by a couple of feet but I missed her already, wanted to be as close to her as possible.

"Are you going to be all right?" Mum asked as we stood in the gleaming concourse.

"I'll be fine mum, just don't sell all my stuff or fucking move again and I'll be more than happy."

"And you'll remember to keep in touch, let me know you're ok yes?"

"Mum I've told you, Emily and I will ring when we can and I'll write and send you an E-Mail whenever I can. Don't worry."

"I'm your mother, I'm supposed to worry."

I gave her a tight hug, before turning to Kieran. "You look after her or there will be trouble, I don't have to be nice to you any more, you're not my teacher."

"I'll look after her Naomi; you make sure you look after Miss Fitch. Deal?"

He held out his hand, and was probably surprised when I pulled him into a hug.

"That's a deal Kieran; I'll hold you to that."

Finally I looked across at my newest friend, who's giving me her very best enigmatic smile.

"Hey Eff, time to go I guess. You look after Katie for Emily and don't take any of her shit ok?"

She nodded at me, was that a light tear I saw in her eye. I actually think it was.

"Tears Eff? That's not like you." She straightened and blinked.

"Fuck you Campbell." With a smile and a wink, to rob it of any offence.

"Fuck you right back Stonem."

We smiled and for, I think, the second time in our lives we hugged each other.

"Feels strange doesn't it?" she said. I just looked at her, not really understanding what she meant.

"Saying goodbye to friends. Not something either of us is used to I guess."

"No, but it's a good feeling Eff. I think I'm going to miss having you around."

"I'll miss you too Naomi, here I've got you a present for the trip."

She shouted Katie over from where she'd been stood hugging her sister and dug around in her bag.

"What's up," Emily asked joining us.

"Effy's got me a present for the journey apparently." I sniggered as Ems' eyes lit up at the word present. "You are such a kid, you know that?"

"Shut up," she said watching Effy with interest as she brought out a small white paper bag from Katie's capacious handbag.

"Katie and I thought you'd need this for the journey, to make sure you two don't start fighting before you've even got to India."

"Thanks guys," I said opening the bag and peering inside, making sure Emily couldn't see my present. I smiled when I read the label on the box before tucking the package under my arm and grabbing them both, pulling them into a tight hug. "That's thoughtful, and the one thing I didn't have on my list. It'll come in very useful I'm sure."

"What is it Naoms?"

"It's a vibrator Ems," I teased, "a pocket sized one to keep a pocket sized girl happy on the trip so I can get some sleep."

"Funny."

I showed her the boxes of nicorette patches and she grinned and hugged Effy. "Thank fuck you thought of them Eff, I never thought what a fucking nightmare she'd be not being able to smoke for most of the day. I know what a moody cow she can be without nicotine."

I was in such a good mood I wasn't even offended by that little jibe.

o+o+o

We said our last goodbyes there in that station entrance, surrounded by people and pigeons. There were plenty of hugs all round from our little gathering. I even got a big hug from Katie, which surprised me; but not as much as it surprised me when she told me to take care of myself. I even got a hug from Rob and James and what's more James didn't even try to feel me up; which made a nice change actually. Ems was bawling her eyes out as she hugged the woman she now insisted on calling mum and was promising to call or write as soon as she could.

Finally though I managed to convince her it was time to go. There was only ten minutes to our train and this was one journey we weren't going to miss. As we headed for the platform I felt a hand grab my arm, stopping me from going any further. I turned to face the bitch herself; Jenna fucking Fitch the bane of my life.

"Look after her please Naomi; don't let anything happen to her."

Her eyes were filled with concern and for the first time I actually felt sorry for her. She'd been on the outskirts of our little party, ignored by everyone with only a cursory little hug goodbye from her daughter. I still hate her, she's been a fucking bitch to Emily and as far as I'm concerned she had burnt her bridges good and proper; but Emily seems to think she was genuine in wanting to try to change and seems to want her to succeed. Because of that and _only_ because of that I didn't say anything to hurt her; I didn't take my chance for revenge. I simply nodded, smiled weakly and walked away.

'_It wasn't worth mentioning really Jenna; I have no intention of doing anything else.'_

Ems was waiting for me at the barrier to the platform.

"Anything wrong?" she asked with a hint of concern in her eyes at seeing her mother talking to me.

I shook my head, "Everything's fine, but please, let's go and get our train before one more person tells me to look after you and make sure you're ok."

She laughed at me, "Is that really such a chore babe?"

"Not at all, I just resent everyone reminding me to do it." I linked our fingers together as we walked onto the platform, "like I'd forget something as important as that."

"If it's any consolation babe, they all told me the same thing, including mum."

"Your mum told you that?" I asked incredulously

"No silly, our mum, Gina told me to keep an eye on you, so did Effy and Katie."

"Thank fuck for that; that would have been far too weird coming from Jenna. I was expecting her to tell you to kill me and bury me under a tree somewhere far off the beaten track in India and come straight home. Or ideally in her world come home straight!"

"The thought probably crossed her mind babe."

'_It wouldn't fucking surprise me.'_

o+o+o

We stood on the platform, hand in hand waiting for the Reading train that would take us to our bus transfer to Heathrow. She keeps glancing back and waving at the little group that's still stood near the barriers waiting for us to depart.

"You ok Ems? Any regrets?"

"Only that leaving came around too slowly and arrived too fast. I really wanted this day to come, and now it's here, well, I wish I had the chance to spend another day with them that's all. I'm missing them and they're only stood over there."

"Bored of me already?"

She squeezed my fingers, "Not at all Naoms, not ever."

"Good, now look sharp Miss Fitch, our carriage awaits." I nodded behind us as the train pulled into our platform and screeched to a stop, the automatic doors hissing open. With one last wave to our families we boarded the train and left our old life in Bristol behind us.

o+o+o

_Emily_

I much prefer the train to the coach. I know I slept through most of the coach journeys to and from London but I do remember that the seats were cramped and uncomfortable and that it took fucking ages. This train is quite modern and we're only going to be on it for an hour so in my book it's more than worth the extra cash it cost.

It also means that we go to Reading and then take the coach to Heathrow Terminal 5 rather than have to travel all the way into London and transfer via the tube. It gave me more time with Katie and less time being travel sick.

"Here you go hun, one coffee."

Naomi's finally back from the buffet car up ahead, and she's trying to pass me a cardboard cup whilst swaying slightly as the train sped through the countryside.

"Thanks babe," I said taking the hot cup from her hand. Well it probably was hot once, but like all drinks on trains they seem to change temperature the second you leave the car. Cold drinks go flat and warm and hot drinks go tepid or cold the second you attempt to drink them, no matter how much your fingers were burning carrying them back.

We sat in one of those "couple" silences, the ones where neither of us has anything to say and we have no need to fill the silence with crap. We were content to sit there just sipping our drinks; I've been wasting a bit of time staring out of the window as the fields and farms flash past.

Eventually I'm forced to get up, I don't want to, I really don't but needs must. Excusing myself past Naoms I walked like a drunk down the swaying carriage to the toilet. There's something particularly unsavoury about train toilets and I'm not looking forward to having to use one. As I stepped through the glass doors into the end of the carriage I pressed the lit button that opened the bathroom's electric door.

As it slid into its little recess I can't help but retch. I've been in some really nasty toilets in the last couple of years. There have been more than a couple in some of the pubs and clubs that the gang have gone to that weren't very nice; but this one on the train makes me sick.

It's not that it's unclean, because, apart from the obligatory sheets of toilet paper that are stuck to the floor where they've been dropped, it is; or at least it looks it. It's just the smell. It's a strange mixture of crap, vomit and cleaning solution and there is no way I'm going in there and closing the door. Turning away I headed back to my seat, all thoughts of toilets gone; my brain taking over my bladder and convincing me I'll be ok, there's only half an hour to go until the station and I'm sure I'll be able to make it.

"That was quick hun, you ok?" she asked me with a raised eyebrow as Naomi got up from her seat to let me in. I shook my head.

"I can wait."

"That bad eh?" she said looking at my face, "You look like you've gone green hun."

"Worse," I said, ending the conversation and trying to clear my head of the memory.

Thankfully the toilets at Reading Station were clean and relatively fresh and I took the opportunity to use them before our forty-five minute bus journey to the airport. Naomi had laughed at me as she pulled on her rucksack and grabbed mine and the rest of our luggage. I grabbed the small shoulder bag we were using to carry our essentials and at her insistence ran for the toilets the moment the train doors had opened.

I found her outside the station having a cigarette as promised. She was stood next to a large white coach that had the bright orange sign of the front reading 'Heathrow T5'.

"Found our ride then? What time does it leave?"

"About five minute's hun, but you didn't need to run, I wouldn't have let him go without you."

She stubbed out the cigarette on a nearby bin and put the remains into the ash pan.

"Shall we?" she asked, gesturing at the open coach door. I nodded and turned to board the coach; as I took one step onto the raised platform I felt a hand grab my arse and I turned round quickly to see her laughing at me.

"Sorry hun, it's just I haven't grabbed that delightful bum of yours for fucking ages and I thought I'd take the opportunity whilst it was presented to me like that."

I winked back at her and wiggled my arse as I stepped quickly out of her reach and onto the coach.

"Bloody tease," she said as I winked at the driver and disappeared onto the coach.

"You love it."

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Heathrow Airport Terminal 5. British Airways' Public Relations Disaster and yet another example of business crushing both the local residents wishes and the environment.

It's also the place where we're supposed to be flying from later tonight and I don't have a fucking clue what I'm supposed to be doing or where I'm supposed to be going. So I'm stood in, what I assume is, the main entrance hall looking at sign after sign listing internal and international departures, arrivals, check-ins and a whole host of gate references I don't want to even pretend to understand.

It's at times like this that I wished Mum had had a proper job whilst I was growing up and had taken me abroad at least once. I'd had to break it to her one dismal rainy afternoon that protesting at the nuclear submarine base in Scotland doesn't count as a holiday in Europe.

I'm looking at Emily, stood there with her bright red rucksack on her back and our grab-bag in her hands and she's looking at the boards like the seasoned traveller she is.

"There we are Flight BA0199, gate A16 we can go and check in and head through to departures if you want."

I looked at her blankly; it's as if she was speaking Martian. I mean I'm not stupid, I've got a pretty good idea how airports work, but she's just rattled off a load of numbers at me and expected that I'd get what she meant first time around.

"What's up babe, do you not want to put the bags in or something?"

'_Oh shit, perhaps it's time to come clean._

"Ems I have no idea what we're supposed to do. I've never flown anywhere before. I've never been outside the UK before. It's…well, it's all a little confusing at the moment."

"But what about Cyprus, and Spain that time," she said staring at me incredulously, "you said you were thinking about going there…I just assumed you'd been before."

I shook my head, "Nope, they were just places I thought about going, they were places I knew I wanted to visit. I never actually went there remember? I stayed at home while you went to bloody France."

I didn't mean it to sound so gloomy, but that's what happened. The whole Love Ball, the big public declaration of love, a blissful few weeks together and then she left for her family holiday. Leaving me moping around at home without her; feeling depressed and lonely.

"I said I was sorry about that babe, I didn't _want_ to leave you."

I'm filled with regret at the tone of hurt in her voice, this is supposed to be a new start for us and here I am bringing up past insults. Quickly I grabbed her and pulled her as close as our baggage would allow.

"I know hun, I'm sorry for bringing it up, it's just…I don't know what I'm doing and I'm a bit out of my depth here; and that doesn't make me very comfortable. That's all."

Her smile was like the rising sun we'd saw at the balloon festival, full of warmth and promise. I immediately felt one hell of a lot better.

"That's ok babe, you stick with me I'll see you right. We'll go and check in first and put our hold baggage in. That way we can go through security with our hand luggage and wait in the departures lounge. We can get something to eat whilst we wait for them to tell us we can board the plane. It's quite simple to work out, you look at the departure boards for Flight BA0199, that's our flight to Mumbai; and it tells you what gate we have to go to when we're ready to board, in our case that's gate A16 which if I'm reading this right is in this terminal not the other one."

She gave my hips a light squeeze, "why didn't you tell me you've not flown before?"

"I didn't want to look like an idiot to be honest." I replied sheepishly. "I thought I'd be able to blag my way through it like I usually do."

I got a two handed slap to the shoulder straps of my rucksack for that, complete with a shake of the head and a look of exasperation.

"Come on," she said grabbing my hand and leading me off, "Let's go and get rid of these bags so we can relax a little. Don't forget to take those patches out though; once we're through security you might need them. I don't think you can just pop outside for a smoke on when you're flightside."

Check in was simpler that I thought it would be, Ems found the desk that dealt with our flight and, after having our passports and tickets checked we put the bags onto the small conveyor to be tagged and rolled away. I prayed to Gods that I didn't really believe in that we'd see them again at the other end, and not have to deal with the fact that everything we'd carefully packed ended up in Italy or Australia or somewhere.

I noticed the man behind the desk give me a funny look as my name appeared on the screen, but I'm kind of used to that now. They handed back our tickets with our boarding passes and sent us on our way, the first part of the ordeal over. With only the shoulder bag left to carry between us we made our way through the doors to the security search.

It is an absolute indictment of the fascist state that we live in that innocent people like us are subjected to an ordeal like this in the name of 'Security'. I'm pretty sure that even Cook wouldn't have been put through the public humiliation that is airport security when he was taken to prison. I'm holding back my indignation in the queue and biting my tongue because Emily asked me to.

"Don't annoy them Naomi," she'd asked, just a hint of a plea in her soft voice. "Don't give them a reason to mess us about all right? No protesting in the queue."

I'd readily agreed all I really wanted was to get through to the other side with the minimum of fuss.

We stood in that endless snake of people watching the antics ahead. Shoes and belts were removed, bags and coats were placed into plastic trays and pushed through the X-Ray machines and at the other end, the humiliating scrabble to retrieve your items and find a micron of space to sort yourself out.

As I watched grown men and women were beckoned through the huge magnetic scanners like schoolchildren in a lunch queue. As I watched the sullen staff operating their equipment, searching for hidden weapons I'm glad, and not for the first time today, that I decided a comfortable sports bra was the best thing to travel in. I've got the sudden feeling that if I'd worn a wired one I'd have set the machine off and been taken away to a tiny, windowless room to be strip searched. That would be just my luck.

Eventually, as the screens that littered the sides of the tensa-tape barriers nagged at us repeatedly about what we needed to do, we found ourselves at the front of the queue; the businessman in front of us having already divested himself of belt and jacket and shoes. We were sent to one of the long roller units where a bored looking woman dropped a couple of trays in front of each of us.

"Coats and shoes in one tray, bags, belts keys and wallets etcetera in the other please. Then step over to the line."

We dumped everything we had into the trays and walked over to the sign that told us to wait until called. Emily went first, skipping through the grey machine, receiving a green light and the gesture to tell her to move along. The man behind the machine gestured me through and I crossed my fingers and hoped for an easy ride.

It wasn't to be, fucking typically. With a loud noise and a red light my fate was sealed and images of strip searches by some perverted old man came flooding into my head once again. I could see Emily grinning at the chagrin on my face as she stood waiting in the background as one of the security team beckoned me over.

If you could just stand there, feet apart and arms out please," he said, waving a flat piece of metal over me as I did so. As it got near my head it began emitting a loud beep and he looked across at me.

"Would you mind pulling back your hair please madam?"

I pulled my hair into a loose ponytail and he waved his probe next to my ears, it beeped alarmingly.

"Thank you that'll be all." He looked at the relief on my face with a slight smile. "Next time madam I'd suggest not wearing metal earrings like those ones if you don't want to set the scanners off."

I touched my metal button earrings and thanked him for his advice before walking away to where Emily was stood holding my shoes and my jacket. As I slipped them on she couldn't resist teasing me.

"Your face when that machine went off was priceless hun. It's a real shame that the camera was still in the bag."

"Sod off Ems," I replied, leaning on her as I balanced on one foot pulling my shoe onto the other.

"No really, it would have been a brilliant start to our Flikr collection, you know? Naomi is threatened with body cavity search because of her desire to wear large earrings."

I scowled at her, treating myself this once because I'm good at it and I haven't done it at all today.

"Well it was entirely your fault anyway Fitch, you bought me the bloody things."

She held out my jacket for me to put my arms into, laughing at me all the way.

"Come on grumpy," she said sniggering still, "Let's get a coffee now we've got rid of those bags. Then perhaps take a wander around duty free, get some perfume or some booze or something."

Coffee sounds good, as does food come to think of it. I'm actually quite peckish but I'm not sure I want to eat a lot, despite having a long flight ahead of us. I'm not sure I want to bring it all up again when we're in the air.

Taking me once again by the hand Ems led me off and we strolled down the corridors from security into the large departures area. We're surrounded by screens with incomprehensible data, but Ems pointed out our flight number on the departures board and that it still read 'wait in lounge'.

"We're ok until that says go to gate, then we can head on down and get ready for boarding. But we've got fucking ages yet, this whole 'have to be checked in at least two hours before departure' is a pain in the arse. Come on I'll buy you a drink."

o+o+o

We ended up in the food hall area sitting with our cups of coffee in front of us when someone collided roughly with my chair, knocking my arm and causing me to spill my drink over myself and the table.

"Oh god, I'm really, really sorry," came a flustered sounding voice. Here let me get you a cloth or something.

I grabbed the napkins off the table and patted at the coffee that had fallen onto my skirt, it wasn't a big spill and it'd mop out with a bit of water. The woman came rushing back with a roll of cloth from the counter and she and Ems cleaned up the mess on the table as I dabbed away at my clothes.

"I'm really sorry about that," the woman said as she saw me cleaning myself down. "I wasn't looking where I was going I'm afraid. Tell me did you see a bag around here when you sat down? I've lost a small blue handbag and I really need to find it."

I looked at Ems and we both shook our heads, "No," she continued, "apparently no-one's seen it and I was only gone for a minute before I realised. It's got my ID and purse and everything in it."

I knew that had to be serious, judging by the pale expression on her face she was really worried about it.

"We'll give you a hand looking for it," Ems suggested and I nodded in agreement, "It can't be far away or someone would have reported it. We're in no hurry, it's ages until our flight"

"Yeah," I said, "give me a minute to nip to the toilets and clean this up and I'll give you a hand looking."

Leaving Ems with the woman I wandered off to the toilets and pushed through the door. Sterile isn't the word, not sterile in the clean sense but sterile in that "we're trying to look posh without actually spending any money" type way. Everything was modern and shiney and all too stainless. It also looked and felt like at least ten thousand women a day used the damn place and even though it was relatively quiet now it wasn't exactly spotlessly clean.

I walked over to the sinks, grabbed a piece of hand towel from the dispenser and held it under the tap until it was nicely damp and dabbed away at the coffee mark until it had faded into the dark cotton of my skirt leaving only the damp patch behind. The white T-Shirt I had worn that morning was, I decided after a bit of effort, a goner; but with lots of shops around me that wasn't a problem. T-Shirts aren't exactly expensive and this one wasn't anything special and I certainly wouldn't miss it. Satisfied with my handy work I walked over to the hand driers and stood and dried my clothes before walking out.

As I stood at the drier, something caught my attention; out of the corner of my eye I noticed a small blue handbag sat next to one of the sinks. Looking around there was no-one that seemed to be interested in it so I stepped over and opened it just in case. The inside was a jumbled mess of make-up, a notepad and pens and a large matching purse. A glasses case near the bottom caught my attention because caught around it was a lanyard with an ID card attached to it. Carefully I pulled it out to see a picture that looked like the woman who'd spilt my coffee. _Sarah Gough _the nametag read. Well I'd check that when I was outside before handing it over.

I grabbed the bag and held onto it whilst I finished drying my skirt and wandered outside to see Ems chatting with a cleaner and the fraught woman still searching under tables.

"Excuse me," I asked as she popped up, hiding the bag slightly behind me. "Could you tell me your name please?"

"It's Gough, Sarah Louise Gough. Why?"

I pulled the bag from behind me and looked on as her face lit up.

"I think this might be yours. I'm afraid I had a root around in it to see if there was an ID or anything; you'd left it in the toilets so it might be worth checking to make sure nothing's missing."

I felt arms slip around my waist as Ems came across to see what was going on.

"You found it then Naoms, nice one."

"Everything's here as well, God I can't tell you what a relief that is. Here, let me buy you both a drink to replace the ones I spilt. It's the least I can do."

I excused myself whilst Ems took another table and headed off to the shops. Bypassing Harrods as too damn expensive for a plain T-shirt I found myself in a basic sports store and picked up a cheap blue polo shirt. After a quick pit-stop in Boots for some toiletries I headed back into the horrible toilets, dumped the cheap shirt in a convenient bin and after a quick clean up and a spray of deodorant pulled on the new one.

There's something indescribably nice about feeling fresh and having a bit of a wash. Now, having pulled on a clean new shirt, I felt really good about travelling and having a good idea I popped back into the store and bought Ems a fresh shirt as well.

I hoped she'd appreciate it.

Feeling a lot better about myself I joined them at the table where Ems was chatting away animatedly with the woman.

"Hey babe, you ok?" she said as I approached her.

"Yeah, I am now hun." I leant down to kiss her on the head as I dropped the carrier bag next to her and sat down; dragging my chair nearer to Ems and slipping my arm around the back of her chair. As I did so the woman with the lost handbag stood up from her seat, her drink barely touched.

"Look, I'm sorry I have to go I'll leave you two girls to it. Thank you for finding my bag and thank you for being honest enough to return it."

I shrugged, "No problem, glad to know you've got it back."

She smiled and excused herself, leaving us alone with our drinks. I can't help but feel that she seemed a little uncomfortable at my rather public display of affection. Well fuck her if that's how she felt. I'm not going to be ashamed of showing how I feel about my girlfriend any more. If Ems noticed I couldn't tell, she was just blatantly staring straight at my tits, as seems to be her wont at the moment. Not that I'm complaining.

"Nice shirt hun, suits you. Tighter than the other one, looks great."

I deliberately folded my arms across my chest causing her to pout at me.

"My old T-Shirt was ruined babe so I bought this one. It was cheap enough not to be an issue really. Besides it feels good to get changed. I was getting a bit sticky carting that rucksack around."

I know what you mean," she said sipping her drink with a frown, "wish I'd thought to pack some bits and a couple of clean shirts. Would have been nice to feel fresh for the flight."

I picked up the bag I'd placed by her chair. "You can tell me how much you love me later babe," I said passing it to her. She pulled it open and smiled.

"I'll be right back."

She was back before I could finish my drink, the shirt was a little snug on her but one quick wash and a change of clothes seemed to make her all the more beautiful. She looked a lot happier as she sat down and she was beaming at me which always makes me feel good.

"I love my present Naoms, thank you."

"Feels good doesn't it?" I said smiling back at her, watching her nod enthusiastically. "Shame about the toilets though. They were fucking disgusting when I went in. I think the cleaner missed a shift."

"Ugh don't, really. At least they were better than the toilet on the train."

I raised an eyebrow, "it was that bad was it?" she just shuddered in reply.

"Fuck Naoms, you just don't want to know," and judging by the look on her pretty face, I really didn't.

o+o+o

Ten minutes later and I think I'm the happiest woman in this airport, I've made my girlfriend happy with a couple of cheap purchases and we're now wandering around the shops, hand in hand, waiting for the gate announcement. I guess I'm being very optimistic as it's at least an hour to go before we're due to begin boarding, but I'm listening to every announcement that the speakers broadcast.

As we stroll around the open plan duty free store picking up and smelling perfumes and thinking of things that won't cost the earth but would be useful on the travels. I'm naturally drawn to the cartons of cigarettes that the store has on display but Emily is rather less than subtly keeping me away from them.

On the whole it's quite fun, we're together, there's no one around to give us any crap and despite the fact that we're technically shopping I'm actually enjoying myself

I dragged Ems over to the booze section to look at the huge bottle of Smirnoff vodka I'd spotted; disappointingly she convinced me that it was far too big to carry and as much as we would eventually drink it, it was rather a waste of money.

In return I'd stopped her from trying to buy a new pair of sunglasses.

"Emily you have an expensive pair of sunglasses in your luggage," I'd said as she preened herself in the mirror. "You don't need another pair."

"That's true," she chuckled with a cheeky smile, "but if I buy these then I'll have two."

I firmly took the glasses off her and put them back on the display.

"But Naoms, you need a decent pair of sunglasses as well. If I get those you could have my old pair."

"No Emily, I'm very happy with my own pair of glasses that I'm perfectly happy with; and they _are_ a decent brand, there's nothing wrong with my Wayfarers thank you very much."

"But Naomi, they're so old fashioned. You really need a new pair."

"Katie Fitch they are classic, not old fashioned and I'd like to have Emily back now please."

She laughed at my sarcasm, which is always nice, and graciously allowed me to walk her away from the counter without too much of a protest. We strolled over to the large WH Smith bookstore and indulged ourselves in a few trashy paperbacks on a 3 for 2 offer, and a couple of gossip magazines to while away the long flight.

"Are you bored yet babe," Ems asked grabbing my arm as we walked back across the concourse towards the seating area.

"…and _why_ exactly would I be bored Emily Fitch?" I'd replied with my best 'down-the-nose' voice.

"Well we are shopping babe, and I know you hate shopping."

"I'm not shopping babe, I'm on holiday."

"There's a difference?"

I sat down on one of the hard metal chairs that were conveniently placed near to one of the departures boards and pulled her down with me.

"There is for me Em, if I'm on holiday I don't have to worry about college, or grades, or Katie, or your mum or my mum or anything else any more. I don't have to worry about anything but you and me because we're finally on holiday together. I'm so worry free that shopping isn't really shopping."

I considered it for a moment; the holiday comment was less of a throwaway comment than I thought when I said it. It actually explained a lot about how I felt at the moment. From the very second that I'd placed our bags into the luggage rack on the train at Temple Meads station I'd felt lighter; and when the doors hissed closed and Emily hugged my arm as we pulled away on the start of our journey, I'd felt like a boulder had been lifted from my chest. Honestly, my breathing seemed to ease and nearly six years of tension seemed to just ebb away as the miles increased between us and Bristol.

I tried to explain all of that, everything I felt since we started our little adventure, and everything I was still feeling now. But no matter what I said, or how I said it; it never came out right. Eventually I settled for the simplest explanation, the one that I thought would allow her to understand what I meant.

"What I'm trying to say honey, pretty fucking badly I have to admit, is that I'm happy Ems. I'm happy and I can't see a single thing to worry about as long as I'm with you."

She looked at me for a long time before replying, staring into my face with those big brown eyes as if trying to look beneath my words to find the emotions below.

"I'm happy for you babe I really am. I'm happy too." She eventually said, presumably satisfied; she paused for a second before continuing. "We've come a long way you and I haven't we? You know since middle school; I've dreamed about this day for years, and now it's finally here. You and me, no-one else."

"Yeah," I replied practically sighing out the word, "we're finally here. Our big adventure eh?"

"Our big adventure," she agreed, "you think it'll change us babe? They say travelling changes people, will it affect us do you think?"

"I don't know hun," I replied as honestly as I could, "I hope so, I hope it brings us even closer you know?"

I really mean that as well, I hope it makes us even better together because I swear nothing is going to fuck up this trip for us. The trip that heralds the rest of our life together.

"I know what you mean babe," she said cuddling against me, "I really do."

We sat on the seats in the departure lounge just relaxing. I was slumped back in my seat watching the screens and watching the people, pretty much zoned out. Emily was idly flicking through the latest issue of Heat.

It was nice just to be together, taking the opportunity to vegetate whilst we waited for something to be announced about our flight. It didn't take long for something to come over the tannoy, however when it did it wasn't quite the message I'd expected to hear.

"Would passengers Campbell and Fitch on British Airways Flight BA0199 please make themselves known to the staff at the information desk immediately please, that's passengers Campbell and Fitch on British Airways Flight BA0199 to the information desk please. Thank you."

We looked at each other in surprise and horror; both speechless, both thinking the same thing.

'_Oh for fucks sake, what the fuck is all that about?'_

o+o+o

_Emily_

"_Would passengers Campbell and Fitch on British Airways Flight BA0199 please make themselves known to the staff at the information desk immediately please, that's passengers Campbell and Fitch on British Airways Flight BA0199 to the information desk please. Thank you."_

Naomi paled perceptibly at the announcement and looked at me with just a hint of fear in her eyes.

"What do you think is wrong?" she asked, "why the fuck are they calling _us_?"

"No idea babe," I said as calmly as I could, "guess we won't know until we ask."

We got up from the uncomfortable metal seats and made our way over to the man and woman stood underneath the backlit 'British Airways Information Desk' sign.

"Hi, I'm Naomi Campbell, and this is Emily Fitch, you just asked for us on the announcement."

The man looked up from his paperwork and regarded us both before fixing on Naomi.

"You're not Naomi Campbell"

I could tell she was getting annoyed, the trepidation replaced by the usual hatred of people laughing at her name. I gripped her arm a little tighter to remind her that everything was going to be ok. She's never flown before, I don't think she's even been _in_ an airport before and all of this is stressing her out. It's been one thing after another since we got to Heathrow and I'm getting the impression that her very last straw is about to be plucked out of her grasp.

Quickly, before she could let rip I dug into the bag I was carrying and pulled out our passports.

"She is Naomi Campbell, see? Passport, photograph, everything. She might not be _the_ Naomi Campbell you were expecting but she definitely _is_ Naomi Campbell."

They just looked at me as if I'd grown another head before picking up our passports and looking at them carefully.

"Bu you're not the real Naomi Campbell, I can't, well I can't let you…" he tailed off and looked at his colleague who shrugged and turned away quickly to deal with another customer. The balding customer services agent who had first spoken looked at us with a sheepish half smile.

"I'm afraid Miss Campbell, Miss Fitch; your seats have been allocated to another passenger."

Naomi blew her top; I can't honestly blame her; if she hadn't I think I was about to.

"WHAT? What the hell do you mean 'allocated to another passenger?' What kind of a fucking joke _is_ this?"

I touched her on the arm, silently imploring her to calm down a little. "Could you explain what's going on please?" I asked the balding man who seemed to have withdrawn into himself under Naomi's rage.

"There's been a bit of a mix up and your seats have been allocated to a passenger who failed to meet the previous flight."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"Well we were, but I can't…I mean if you…then we could but...well you'll have to wait for the next flight I'm afraid."

"WHAT?" we both shouted together. Jesus, the guys sounds like fucking JJ at the moment, and not in a good way either.

"I think you'd better get us someone in charge pretty fucking quickly," Naomi concluded, despite my reassuring arm. We're making a scene, I know we are, I'm pretty sure Naomi knows she is as well but I think we're both more than a little beyond caring. People are staring at us and there's a security guard casually walking his way towards the desk.

"I'm sorry there's nothing I can do, as I said there's been a mix up." The toad of a man continued, his voice now smarmy and his fake smile plastered back on his face. It was as if he was remembering the lines from his "how to deal with angry customers" training course; the one he'd obviously failed spectacularly.

Naomi looked at his obsequious smile with the kind of glare I'd only ever seen her seen her use on my sister in the past. She's about to go off on one, I know it. She's going to make one of those speeches she used to deliver at the rally's she used to be involved in. The ones I'd sneak along to so I could listen to her voice. I have the sudden feeling that we're going to get arrested if she does so and I interrupt her quickly before she gets a chance to vent.

"Look, this is our dream holiday, the first time we've been away together. We've been looking forward to this for months and now you're telling us there's been a mix up and there's nothing you can do. That's not good enough."

OK perhaps I'm lying about the months bit, given that she only bloody told me about it a few weeks ago in Freddie's shed, or maybe it's only the 'we' part that's not true; I assume she had been looking forward to it since she bought the tickets nearly four months ago. Anyway I don't think I'm stretching to truth too far; as far as I'm concerned I've been looking forward to this trip since I first really noticed her at school. I'd been dreaming about her and me and holidays and houses and everything else since that fateful Tuesday in May nearly four years ago.

"Miss," the toad interrupted my thoughts, "I'm afraid the next available flight is first thing in the morning but I can make sure that you have a priority booking on that service for the first available seats."

"I'm sorry even that's just not good enough." I find myself saying, "We had seats on _this_ flight, I suggest you contact your other passengers and tell them there's been a mistake. Can we see your manager please?"

He went to speak but my look and Naomi's scowl seemed to convince him it wasn't worth arguing any further. We weren't going to be budged. He pulled his two way radio from his belt and muttered into it, I couldn't make out the disembodied voice at the other end, but he turned back to us smugly.

The duty manager will be along shortly, now if you don't mind taking a seat while you wait I'm sure _she'll_ be able to explain the situation to you."

Naomi bristled at his attitude, but I dragged her away to sit on one of the metal benches where she fumed quietly.

"It's ok Naoms we'll get this sorted."

"I know hun, it's just…I wanted this to be fucking perfect you know? I wanted our first holiday together to be absolutely perfect for you and now we're having all this crap right at the start."

I squeezed her arm and put my head on her shoulder, "It's fine babe, there's nothing we can do about it apart from what we are doing. Let's just stay calm and make them sweat yeah? It's their fucking mistake."

"It's not fine hun, we don't deserve this, _you_ don't deserve this. You deserve the best Ems."

I snuggled my head into her arm, rubbing it up and down to get myself more comfortable. It amuses and pleases me that she's got so concerned over everything to do with me, that everything has to be just right. She's treating me like I'm royalty or something and I actually kind of like it. I, rather selfishly I guess, like feeling special.

As long as it's her that makes me feel that way and I get the chance to show her how much it means to me.

"I've _got_ the best babe, I've got you." I said simply, for no other reason than I like making her feel special too.

o+o+o

After we had been sat on the cold metal seats for a few minutes our names were announced over the public address system once more, calling us back to the information desk that was only meters away from us. This time it was my turn to lose my temper

"Why did you tannoy us? We were only sat there," I asked as we approached, "you saw us sit down, you've been watching us ever since. What the hell is going on here?"

"Is there a problem here Simon?" a voice called from behind him. I looked up to see the figure of the woman that we'd met earlier in the coffee shop.

The man behind the information desk that had called us over turned around and whispered at her in a voice that could have back carried to Bristol without any problems.

"Sarah, the VIP, the one that was flagged on the list for the Goa transfer flight, well it's not the VIP. It's not the model…it's this girl and her friend."

"Girlfriend actually," Naomi called out, her voice level though I could still hear the tone of annoyance in it at his refusal to actually deal with us or let us have _our_ say with the manager. He totally ignored her and carried on talking, dismissing us totally.

"Look, can someone please tell me what the problem is here. All we want to do is get on our flight. We've got our tickets, we've got our passports all we want to do is get _your_ mistake sorted out and take _our_ seats on _our_ plane to India. I'm not prepared to sit around this departures lounge until sometime tomorrow on the off chance that you can squeeze us onto a plane."

"Just one second Miss Campbell," the woman we now understood to be the Duty Manager said quickly. "I'll try and sort this for you. Would you mind taking a seat once more for me please?"

I caught the characteristic roll of her eyes out of the corner of my own and pulled at Naomi's arm. "Come on hun, let's sit over there again, I'm sure it's nothing that can't be sorted."

At this point I'm clutching at straws, if I'm honest I'm pretty convinced that we're screwed, that there's nothing we can do and were destined to have the very first international leg of our trip ruined by this visit from the fuck-up fairy. I can't tell her that though, I'm staying positive to stop her blowing her top again.

Thankfully Naomi allowed me to drag her away from the desk and back to our seats. As well as being angry I'm also somewhat confused by the whole situation. I've travelled with mum and dad a few times now and we've _never_ had anything like this happen before either at an airport or when we've taken the ferry. We've never had our seats on _anything_ arbitrarily taken away from us and handed to other people without so much as an apology. It's not even as if we'd failed to check in, we've been here for fucking ages, they _must _have known that we were here.

We're watching their conversation with some interest; it even looks slightly heated with the guy on the desk gesturing at his screen and at us. Sarah seems to be taking it all in her stride before pointing back at the desk and shooing him away. She unclipped the radio on her belt and spoke to someone for a minute before coming over.

"Miss Campbell, Miss Fitch; would you follow me please?"

We stood up, grabbed our bag, and followed her as she led us away from the desk and down a corridor.

"Is there some kind of problem?" Naomi asked as we walked, "I mean, the tickets are genuine aren't they. I got them online but I did think they might be a bit too cheap..."

"There's no problem Miss Campbell, none at all, you don't have to worry about that." she replied opening a door and taking us into a spacious lounge area with only a couple of other people in it.

"I apologise for any concerns you might have had ladies, Simon was just a little rattled that's all. You see, one of the check-in staff saw your name on the passenger list Miss Campbell and flagged it as a VIP I'm sure you're used to that." Naomi just shook her head but Sarah continued regardless.

"Anyway, Simon was a bit confused as you're, no offence, not exactly the Naomi Campbell he was expecting to see arrive at the desk, and he didn't know what to do. I'm afraid to say that he had already reallocated your seats to another two customers who had missed an earlier flight. But it's all sorted now."

"I'm sorry," I said, still confused, "but _what_ exactly is sorted? What's going to happen to us, do we have to wait here for the next plane is that it?"

She looked at me blankly as if she couldn't grasp what I was asking, and then comprehension dawned on her face.

"Oh Miss Fitch I am sorry, I thought Simon had explained everything to you, the reason your seats had been reassigned to the other passengers was that you had been upgraded ladies. Welcome to the First Class lounge courtesy of British Airways."

We stood there and stared at her, Naomi was doing her best impression of a landed fish and I'm pretty sure that I was doing the same. My newest best friend in all the world, Sarah, just laughed at our expressions and waved over a colleague.

"Paul, this is Naomi Campbell and Emily Fitch. It's their first trip abroad together and they're probably a bit nervous, could you make sure that they get anything they need and show them around. They're on the 21:45 flight to Goa via Mumbai so make sure they don't miss it if you would."

She turned back to our stunned faces and smiled.

"It was lovely to meet you both; I hope you enjoy your flight and your holiday. I'll leave you in Paul's capable hands"

We stammered our thanks as she shook our hands and left us in the warm, bright and luxurious room.

"Ladies can I get you a drink, wine, or champagne perhaps?"

Naomi began rooting around in the bag drawing out her purse, "Couple of glasses of wine Ems? We should have enough English currency for that left, I wish we hadn't changed so much now...do you take cards?" She asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry Miss Campbell, you may have misunderstood. This is the First Class lounge, everything is included." He smiled at us both. "I'm afraid your money isn't any use to you once you come through that door, unless you want to order Duty Free that is and I can arrange that if you'd like, you can collect it on the plane. If you'd like to take a seat I'll bring your drinks over for you."

We ordered a couple of glasses of white wine and Naomi fished in her purse for her debit card and ordered a couple of cartons of cigarettes with undisguised glee on her face. I made a note to make this trip the one where she finally quits the demon weed. At some point she _will_ run out and I want her to agree not to buy any more when she does.

Her order finally placed she joined me on one of the plush twin seats near to the huge glass windows that overlooked the runway. "First class eh babe?" I said snuggling into her shoulder as we looked out into the night.

"Only the best for you hun, well as long as we don't have to pay for it that is…I can't think how much these tickets would have cost us otherwise."

"I bet that's the first time you're glad someone's got your name mixed up with hers."

She nodded in reply, "Yeah, first time that mistake has actually fucking paid off for me."

"Your drinks ladies," Paul said from behind us as he approached carrying a tray with a bottle of wine and four glasses. "Sarah mentioned it was your first trip together so I hope you don't mind but I brought you a couple of glasses of champagne to celebrate with. If you need anything else, more drinks or some snacks feel free to call me."

"Thanks Paul; before you go, could you tell me where the toilets are please?" I asked as he placed the drinks on the little tables that clipped to the sides of our seats. He pointed out the doorway at the end of the lounge before leaving us to our drinks.

"Champagne again Ems," she said, grabbing the glasses and passing one to me, "at this rate we'll be turning into a right couple of it-girls."

"I think we might as well make the most of it babe, I don't see much champagne in our future. Not likely to be top of the shopping list when we're backpacking around Asia."

"Think you might be right there Ems. To Goa?" she asked raising her glass.

"To us," I said chinking the delicate flutes together and listening to the chime.

o+o+o

First class is definitely the way to fly. Not only is the wine good quality and the light snack we've just eaten very tasty, but the bathrooms are a sight to behold. It's a dramatic contrast with the wipe clean steel ones we'd entered and been appalled by in the main terminal. Gone are the nasty utilitarian, stainless sinks with their push to use taps vandal proof soap dispensers and their automatic hand dryers. Here it is white ceramic sinks, bottles of expensive designer soaps, and clean white towels that you take from a rack as you enter and place into a basket on your way out; presumably to be laundered by unseen assistants. The bathroom is bright, clean and smells of roses and oranges and after the horrors of the terminal and the train it's an oasis of luxury. I know bathroom facilities on our trip are going to get worse rather than better so I'm anxious to make full use of this slice of heaven while I can.

As I dried my hands I heard the door open and close behind me. Hands grabbed my hips, spun me around and I found myself pushed up against the sinks and kissed by a gorgeous blonde. As she pushed her tongue firmly into my mouth, toying with my own, I felt her hands slip under my new polo shirt and I was forced to firmly push her away before she went too far.

"Naomi stop it."

"Stop what?" she asked pressing her mouth to my neck and nipping at the soft skin at the base of my throat.

"I'm _not_ having sex with you in a toilet Naomi; I've told you that the last time you tried it on."

"It wouldn't be the first time Ems, and this _is_ a first class toilet, much nicer than the one in that nightclub."

"Yes, and it's a first class toilet I'd rather not be thrown out of babe, I rather like the idea of having an eleven hour flight in the lap of luxury rather than stuck in cattle class with the annoying children."

That got her, as I knew it would, and she pulled away after giving me one, last lingering kiss to savour.

"Oh go on then, disappoint me," she smirked back, releasing my hips and walking into one of the cubicles. "Paul's brought some more drinks around, I asked for some soft drinks this time. I didn't think you'd want to be drunk on the plane."

"Thanks babe, I'm going to see if I can find a pay phone and ring Katie."

"Ask Paul, I'm sure they'll have a courtesy phone somewhere."

They did as well, in fact when I asked where the nearest pay phone was he told me in no uncertain terms that I was to use theirs. As long as it wasn't an international number of course; giggling I told him what I was planning to do and he laughed as he went to get me the phone.

I have to say I'm definitely impressed with the whole First Class experience, drinks, food and staff that are so helpful it should be illegal; such a huge contrast from the train we took earlier. As Paul returned and passed me the small handset I dialled the number I knew by heart and waited for the reply.

"Hello?"

"Hi Sis it's me, didn't disturb you did I?"

"Well yes, I was trying to have sex actually, what do you want?" I know she's lying because I can hear the sound of the television in the background and even she's not that shallow, the call muffles for a second and I heard her say, "It's Emily" to someone in the room with her.

"Effy say's hi, now what do you want. I'm busy."

"You're watching the TV Katie, don't give me that. Anyway I just wanted to call you and tell you where I am."

"Well I hope the pair of you are in the fucking departure lounge Ems, it's ten to eight so you need to be there. Doesn't your flight board in about an hour?"

"I'm not in the departure lounge Katie and neither is Naomi."

There was a long pause as she relayed this to Effy followed by a flurry of voices followed by the typical echo of a phone that has been put onto speaker.

"What do you mean you're not in departures Emily?" Effy's voice came over the phone. I smiled and winked at Naomi as she sat down next to me and sipped at her drink.

"I mean just that Eff, we're not in departures…we're in _First Class Departures_, sipping free champagne and eating free food."

"You fucking WHAT!" I heard Katie exclaim, the disgust in her voice unconcealed, "How the fuck did you scruffy tramps end up in First Class?"

"We got an upgrade Sis, there's a special deal for scruffy teenage tramps at the moment, there was a sign on the door when we arrived so we applied…obviously."

"Don't be sarky Emsy it doesn't suit you. Go on then, how _did_ you get an upgrade?"

I smiled over at Naoms and gave Katie the honest reply, "Well let's just say that it's not the first time I've been happy to be travelling with Miss Naomi Campbell. Anyway, gotta run Sis, there's a waiter here with some canapés and some more champagne. I'll make sure we get some photo's just in case you don't believe me. I'm pretty sure we can upload them to the Flickr account before we fly out, or maybe when we get there."

"I paused for a second to let that sink into Katies brain, I can hear Effy chuckling in the background as I waited...3..2..1..."Actually I might be able to upload them from the plane as we travel...this First Class cabin's got absolutely everything. Even beds Katie, think about that."

I winked at Naomi, I wasn't going to mention that the beds were single sleeper, and little more than the folded down seats; but she wouldn't know that, and I knew the thought of us travelling First Class would drive her mad.

"So love to you both, Naomi sends her love too. Have a good evening Kay, have a good evening Eff speak to you both soon."

I heard them say goodbye, Katie still sounding pissed off at our luck and put down the phone with a happy smile.

"Did that feel good hun?"

"You have no idea."

o+o+o

_Naomi_

Finally we were called to board the plane, Paul had come over and politely handed us our newly printed boarding passes for the First Class section and asked if we were ready for our priority boarding. For some reason Emily seemed quite exited by this prospect; I've never flown before so I guess this is one more privilege of the whole First Class Service.

There's an part of me that's still an activist that thinks the whole First Class principle is an elitist and wholly inappropriate hangover from a less enlightened time; but there's an absolutely massive part of me that's telling the activist to shut the fuck up and enjoy the luxury to come and not feel guilty about the privileges we've received already. I've no doubt we'll be slumming it for almost all of the next twelve months so why not enjoy a bit of comfort whilst we can.

We took a few minutes to thank Paul for looking after us before heading for those ultra white toilets again. Ems had pointed out that eleven hours was a long flight and we had drunk quite a bit. I'd laughed off her weak bladder, but mere seconds after she'd mentioned it my own told me that it wasn't such a bad idea and I was forced to follow her.

I patiently ignored her sniggers as we washed our hands, it really wasn't that funny.

We walked through the boarding gate doors and into the narrow corridor that led to the gate. With one hand I clutched at the small shoulder bag that contained our passports, our tickets, our cards and money and everything that she said we needed for the flight. With my other hand I clutched at the only thing that I needed for my life…her.

Emily Fitch, my only reason for living.

We walked slowly along the linoleum, wipe clean floor oblivious to the small groups of people that were bustling past us in their hurry to board the plane. I am in no hurry at all, I know that our seats are reserved and that the plane won't go without us now. I'm in no hurry at all, because we only have this small bag so we don't have to fight for luggage space in the fabled overhead lockers and I'm in no hurry at all because I want to savour every single second of this walk.

I want to remember every single step, every sound, and every smell as we begin this journey together; as we begin this new portion of our life.

If I'm honest I'm excited by the prospect and fucking terrified at the same time. I can almost see our lives stretching out ahead of us and it's beautiful and awful at the same time. I'm looking forward to this trip, this life, but that's not to say that I don't still have some doubts about it all; it's not to say that I don't still feel like running away again. Running back into that terminal and to the safety and security of my old life, but this time my old life with her, no longer alone.

As we walked hand in hand to the doors she stopped and pulled me to one side.

"You ok Naoms?"

'_How the fuck does she know? How can she tell by just walking with me that I've got all this shit going on in my head?'_

"You seem a bit distracted that's all babe, you haven't said a word in fucking ages."

"and I usually have a case of 'I don't ever want to shut my mouthism' yeah?"

She smiled and bumped me affectionately with her shoulder, "Pretty much babe. Are you ever going to let me forget that I said that to you?

I shook my head and smiled, "Well I still think considering we'd spoken so little that it was a bit cheeky hun, but I forgave you your cheek almost instantly."

"Almost?" she asked linking her arm through mine and pulling me tightly towards her.

"Well it was a couple of days later really, I forgave you almost the second you snuck your hand onto mine at the lake, you know that really smooth move you did when you poked the fire."

I had as well, it had been the moment when I knew that I couldn't hate her for how I felt, that it wasn't about me anymore, that she'd wriggled herself totally into my soul and made herself comfortable. It had been the moment when I realised, if only for one night, I could allow myself to be happy with the girl that I loved. That one simple touch that told me that it was ok, that she felt something for me as well and that I could grasp whatever courage I had and take what I wanted.

"It was a bit lame wasn't it?"

She looked almost embarrassed for a second, then her face brightened.

"It worked though."

She said that with her very best goofy smile, the one she'd given me moments after that fateful blowback, the one that had lead to us sharing the look that pushed me over the edge and finally gave me the courage to seize the moment. I can't tell her that though, it's far too serious for this moment, but I will tell her. I'll tell her all about that one day.

"Ems it was the equivalent of yawning and stretching in a cinema to put your arm around me."

"I've never done that in my life," she protested quickly. I laughed at her and pulled her into a hug, kissing the tip of her nose and smiling happily. She looked up at me, her face suddenly serious, her voice low.

"But you have been quiet, are you ok Naomi?"

I'm fine hun," I replied seriously, "I'm just trying to take it all in you know? Trying to take in the fact that we're about to get on that plane, that we're about to set off and leave this all behind."

"Scared?"

"Just a little hun, but only of the unknown. Besides," I said trying to lighten the mood a little, "I've never flown before so I'm probably going to spend the next eleven hours vomiting my lungs up."

"Well I'll hold your hair for you if you are babe."

I can't help but grimace at the image but I suspected she knew that wasn't the real reason I'd been quiet, or scared. I was proved right a second or so later when she fixed me with a look and spoke again.

"It's going to be ok Naoms, you know? You and me, it's all going to be fine."

She led me to the gate and we waited until the crowd of people had crossed the boarding ramp and entered the plane.

"You see that?" she said pointing at the floor. I had no idea what she was referring to and shook my head.

"That line Naomi, that's the line between this building and our plane. Once we cross that line we're leaving the airport, leaving the country behind. Once we cross that line we've got a brand new start ok. We get to put Bristol and all our old problems behind us and we get to move on, together, like we wanted to.

Once we cross that line babe we leave everything behind us agreed? We put all our baggage on this side and we leave it behind. As soon as we cross it's me and you and no-one else to come between us for the next twelve months and forever after. If you've got any doubts about this trip, any at all, now is the time to tell me. We can still walk away; it's still not too late."

I stared down at that thin black line, the two thin metal strips that separated where we stood now from our future together. As I stared down I could sense the tension that had crept over us, I could hear the faint rattling of a cage as those dragons that still inhabited my soul fought for release; and in that one instant I realised that I'd already made my decision, she'd given me the reason to go on and she'd given me no reason to turn back. I took a deep breath, turned to face her, grabbed her hands and kissed her softly on the lips.

"I don't want to do that," I said; echoing the words I had said to her in bed once, words that had caused her anger and pain. Words that had meant that I was rejecting her; rejecting us.

"I really, _really_ don't want to do that Ems. I want to cross that line; I want to get on that plane with you. I want now, I want forever and I am going to be brave. I'm going to be brave for us because it's what I want…no more cat flaps, not any more…I love you Ems. I've always loved you and I always will."

I'm rewarded with a broad smile, a broad smile that reached past her lips and deep into her eyes. She slipped her delicate hands from mine and wrapped them in my hair, pulling me down and kissing me as if she had never kissed me before. It was one more pivotal moment in our lives and we both knew it.

"I love you too Naomi…shall we?"

"Lead on Miss Fitch."

She took me by the hand and led me over to that black line in the floor, the symbol of the beginning our new life.

"Together?" she asked as we stood in the doorway looking down the boarding ramp.

"Together." I replied and we stepped, as one, across the line and ran, giggling like schoolgirls, hand in hand down the ramp and into our future.

Our future, together…forever as one.

_._

_._

_._

_fin_


	36. Authors Final Words & Credits

"**The Avalanche Has Already Started..."**

...and now it is finally over.

_**Authors Final Words and Credits**_

Another real self indulgence here, so forgive me copying some of the other authors on here that have ended their stories with some thanks.

When I started Avalanche back before Easter I knew it would be a long and hard road, how long and how hard I don't think I could have guessed. There are a few thanks that I need to get out of the way but first my final thoughts.

'_Phew, I'm never writing anything so bloody long again!'_

That's all I have to say. Apart from I'm probably going to be reposting this and Dragons at some point soon. Putting in all the formatting that I never realised FFN removed on me, correcting a few of the more obvious typing mistakes, and yanking out some authors notes to clean it up for later readers. So if you see chapters coming up don't get excited, it's done and dusted now there is no more drama to follow in this sorry little tale.

I had a real meaning for Avalanche, there was a real point to everything I wrote, everything I put them through but all that's now for you to decipher if you can be bothered. Some people already understand, some people will understand and some people will never understand but that's just how it is.

I've been asked repeatedly to keep writing this story which is really flattering but it just doesn't work guys. We have to have an ending and I hope that the ending you got is the one you all hoped for, or wanted.

I have some credits and thanks that I want to "shout out" whilst I can.

Heather Hogan, media star and terrific writer, for giving me the inspiration to write Dragons and for starting me on this road. I'm not sure if I should thank you or curse you, but I think the former would be more appropriate.

Stunty for being a mate, and for sending me nice messages through the pain of Chapter 19 and all the subsequent bits. Oh and for having great taste in music and sending my lyric after lyric that would fit both Naomi's and Emily's playlists. I wish I could have used them all, but then I'd probably still be writing Chapter 20 if I did (-: I'm looking forward to reading the rest of Atd and anything else you write.

Hawke and AL for doing the same, cheering me up through the heartache and for providing me with mass entertainment with 'Cyprus and Flickers

Nobl's and Mari for not missing a review on a single chapter as far as I can remember and making me smile when I got my e-mails every morning. Big thanks to Nobl's for writing as well, told you, you could do it d-:

To everyone else that sent me reviews or PM's about the story thanks as well. I'm not going to become a review whore, but if any writer tells you they don't enjoy reading some praise, or some constructive criticism then they're probably lying.

To those that sent me hate mail, well I've had my say on you lot. Just stop bugging writers you know? Take your sad little ego-wanks back to somewhere they like flamers and trolls!

Finally thanks to everyone that writes Skins stories on here. You were a welcome distraction during my many bouts of procrastination. Without people like you, well I'd have nothing to read again!

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My next bits are personal and a real indulgence so feel free to ignore me, I know I do as does Mrs Es most of the time.

During the writing of chapter 27 I lost my four legged best friend Bexley. He's been with me through more highs and lows that I care to mention and had been the one source of stability in my life for longer than I can admit. I miss him terribly. He was always an inspiration and will continue to be so...goodbye my friend, see you in Albion.

Yesterday, (the 11th August 2010 as I write this), I read a tragic tale that struck a real chord with me. I wrote about it on my blog so I won't bore you all again but I dedicate a part of this story to Robyn Nixon. Someone I never met, never knew but think I understand better than some. Avalanches come to us all and sometimes we don't get the happy ending. Rest in peace Robyn, I only wish you could have had the ending I wanted to give to my girls.

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Right that said back to the good bits, in true, old fashioned, James Bond style

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**Naomily will return in 'Postcards from Paradise'**

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Coming to a website near you as soon as I've had a rest for a bit and got some more of my other story written.

Thanks for reading, hope it was worth the time you invested. See you soon

Es


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